Good jokes. Short jokes funny to tears

We all love wit, and probably each of us collects funny phrases and expressions - after all, this The best way lift your spirits or cheer up a person who is a little sad.

Of course, someone tries to come up with humorous answers on their own, but, as you know, a sense of humor is also a great gift, and therefore it is not always possible to answer your interlocutor in a way that sounds really funny. Therefore, it is best to stock up on witty phrases in advance.

If you collect short funny phrases, then we will be happy to add sparkling jokes and sarcastic sketches to your collection.

Topics for jokes

There is, however, one more eternal theme for those who like to have fun - pets. The strange habits of our little ones can be an endless source of laughter.

And if you are a connoisseur of something special, graceful humor, then you will probably like short rhymed jokes and poems in one line - their second, and sometimes even third meaning allows you to express the whole gamut of feelings.

People have been making jokes for years. They joke with words, make faces, draw pictures and make films. Someone had to clean this up someday.

1 Personally, I don't find clowns funny at all. To tell the truth, I'm afraid of them. I don't even know when it started. Probably when I was taken to the circus as a child and the clown killed my father. J. Hendy
3 The creative intelligentsia around the world condemned the closure of the Tajik Opera and Ballet Theater. “Now the artists who are left without work will probably become drug dealers and drug couriers,” music critics confidently say. Magazine "Krasnaya Burda"
5 These are small blue creatures, and each of them has fifty hands, so that they - the only people in the whole Universe, who invented deodorant before the wheel. D. Adams. Restaurant at the edge of the universe

6 If Roosevelt had lived, he would have turned over in his grave. Samuel Goldwyn

7 “The boatswain fell overboard,” Captain Thrym told me. - I myself am partly to blame for this. It happened early in the morning. I picked him up so that he could get a better look at the iceberg, and quite by accident, I assure you, I completely accidentally dropped him overboard.
“Captain Thrym,” I inquired, “have you done anything to save him?”
“Not yet,” he answered embarrassedly. S. Leacock. Lost among the swells, or Shipwreck on the ocean
10

11 - Have mercy, Pyotr Andreich! What are you up to! Did you and Alexey Ivanovich have a fight? Great trouble! Hard words break no bones. He scolded you, and you scold him; he hits you in the snout, and you hit him in the ear, in another, in the third - and go your separate ways... A. Pushkin. Captain's daughter

13 In their company I would have died of boredom if I had not been there. Alexander Dumas son
15 My friend always dies laughing during sex, no matter what she reads. Emo Phillips

16 - A thousand apologies! - Don Gug cried, smoothly approaching the table. - I swear by the rickets of my duke, absolutely unseen circumstances! I was stopped four times by the patrol of His Majesty the King of Arkanar, and I fought twice with some boors. - He gracefully raised left hand wrapped in a bloody rag. - By the way, noble dons, whose helicopter is this behind the hut?
“This is my helicopter,” Don Condor said grumpily. - I don't have time for fights on the roads. A. and B. Strugatsky. It's hard to be a god
18 I met several professors there. One of them followed me all the time and explained that the ancestral home of the gypsies was in the Giant Mountains, and the other argued that inside globe there is another ball, much larger than the outer one. In a madhouse, everyone could say whatever came into his head, as if in parliament. J. Hasek. Adventures good soldier Seamstress
20 Indiana Jones unexpectedly wins a saber duel with a pistol. Film "Indiana Jones in Search of the Lost Ark."
22 The Kid began to run out of patience, and the last time Uncle Julius visited them, he drew his portrait in his album, and under the picture he wrote: “Dummy.” Uncle Julius accidentally saw this drawing and said: “You drew a horse poorly.” A. Lindgren. Carlson, who lives on the roof, plays pranks again
24

25 And your dad is a Mendel Creek binder. What is this dad thinking about? He thinks about drinking a good shot of vodka, about punching someone in the face, about his horses - and nothing else. I. Babel

27 The oldest of funny jokes.
One day the scholastic philosopher met his old friend.
- ABOUT! And they told me that you died!
- No, you see, I’m alive.
- That's how it is. But the person who told me you died is more trustworthy than you. Collection of anecdotes "Philogelos", 5th century BC. e.

28

29 Forty is the age when you finally feel young, but it’s too late. Pablo Picasso

30 There are only two infinite things: the Universe and stupidity. Although I'm not sure about the Universe. Albert Einstein

31

36 If there is critical situation, wake me up at any time of the day or night - even if I’m at a cabinet meeting. Ronald Reagan

37 To help a patient develop his hands after a complex operation, doctors gave him lice... I. Kvasov
39 I dreamed about Freud. What would that mean? E. Lec
41 Do you have a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Mae West

42

43 - Ale... Who is this? Director? Fuck you, director! Not up to you in a minute. From the film “Masyanya”
45 When George ends his life on the gallows, Harris will remain the worst packer in the world. J. C. Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog

47 If life is too busy,
Sexual function weakens. I. Guberman

48

52

53

61 - Crazy! From the film “Hedgehog in the Fog”

67

70

73 Another solution is to take regular doses of Ginkgo biloba, an extract of a tree native to Asia that has such a strong memory that it will one day hunt down and kill all the people who have ever eaten it. S. Martin. Changes in memory after fifty

74 Vera Inber had the line “...don’t cut off the crazy head!” V. Kataev wrote a parody:
Ah, at Inber, ah, at Inber
Curly forehead.
A century would look, a century would look
On her b.

75 Love married woman- a great thing. Married men never dreamed of this. O. Wilde

76 - Izya, don’t come to visit us anymore. After you arrived, Sarah's necklace went missing.
- But I didn’t take anything, Abraham!
- Yes, the necklace was found, but a residue remained.
78 I have seen more people, who were ruined by the desire to have a wife and children and keep them in comfort, than men who were ruined by drunkenness and whores. William Butler Yates

79 Friendship between a man and a woman is possible. True, she gives birth to children. Friedrich Engels

80 - I want to ask you this: when you moved in, did you see a sign here that said “Storage of Dead Negroes”?
- No, I haven’t seen it...
- Do you know why you didn’t see the sign “Storage of Dead Negroes”? Because I am! Not! I keep it! Dead! Blacks!- Again?! You've already jumped ten times, the parachute has never opened!
- No, I have to!
- Well, to hell with you, jump.
On the ground there is a meeting on the collective farm. The chairman yells:
- Disgrace! Cows don't get milked! Chickens don't lay eggs! A drunken tractor driver drowned his tractor!
There is a crash, a crash, the roof breaks, and a parachutist falls onto the table.
Chairman:
- And this parachutist is already sick of it!!!
83 They made you in a hurry.
Your whole life is an advertisement for safe sex! From the film "DMB"
85

You went to college! Have you been told about cases like mine?
- Yes, of course they did. Psychological abnormalities...
- So what should I do?
- I think we should meet again. For example, tomorrow!

88 I owe my health and longevity to the fact that I never touched a cigarette, a glass, or a woman until I was ten years old. George Moore

89 Punctuality is the politeness of bores. Evelyn Waugh

90 Nothing is more demoralizing than a modest but constant income. Edward Wilson

91 An elderly couple is having breakfast. The wife asks thoughtfully:
- Vasya, do you love me?
Husband, throwing his fork in his hearts:
- Why do you have to start every morning with a scandal?!

92 Drug addict's apartment. Doorbell.
On the threshold - a police squad:
- We have many complaints from your neighbors. They say that your apartment stinks of burnt rags and you can constantly hear laughter. What are you doing here?
Drug addict (shrugging):
- Yes, so... We burn rags and laugh.

96 A woman can make any billionaire man a millionaire. Charlie Chaplin
100

How to come up with a joke? This question is sometimes puzzled not only by members of KVN student teams, but also by people who are far from such activities. For example, creating a short humorous number may be required for a friendly theme party. Jokes are sometimes contained in wedding toasts and congratulations.

The importance of humor in everyday life cannot be overestimated. Everyday life. Communicating with a cheerful person who has a positive attitude is much more pleasant than with someone who is always gloomy.

How to become a cheerful person?

Some people believe that it is almost impossible to artificially master the skill of creating good jokes. They talk about the need for a special gift that a person must be endowed with in order to become a successful comedian. To some extent these people are right. A sense of humor, of course, must be present in someone who decides to make others laugh. Otherwise, this idea in itself is absurd.

However, it is worth saying that many famous comedians performing on the professional stage, as well as players major league KVN often say that on some natural inclinations you won't get far. To invent regularly, you need a certain technique, knowledge of the structure of numbers, and so on. They will be discussed in the following chapters.

Magic wand

Many articles on this topic compare the art of comedians to the performances of magicians.

How are illusionists' performances usually constructed? As a rule, the artist first distracts the audience's attention, focusing it on some subject. Meanwhile, unnoticed by the audience, he is preparing a surprise. The audience usually has no idea what will happen next. The effect of surprise plays a huge role here. Almost all good jokes are based on it. The listener does not know how the phrase will end. Or he thinks he can guess the final part of the statement, but his guesses turn out to be wrong.

Even if the essence of the joke is a parody of famous person, still his manner of speaking and moving turns out to be somewhat distorted, character traits always in such cases they are deliberately exaggerated. This turns out to be unexpected and creates comic effect. Therefore, before you set out to figure out how to come up with a funny joke, you need to learn to think outside the box.

Children as a source of inspiration

Experienced actors they say that it is very difficult to play children and animals because of their unpredictability. This quality does not prevent aspiring comedians from learning from the younger generation. Examples out-of-the-box thinking can be found in many children's sayings that make adults smile and are perceived as good jokes. Example: a little boy, seeing a river covered with ice in winter, asks his mother why it is dry.

It is no coincidence that the heroes of many jokes are children. These characters, due to their unique perception of the world around them, express ideas and thoughts that are unexpected for an adult. Therefore, the question of how to come up with a joke can be answered as follows. It is necessary to learn to look at familiar phenomena from unusual points of view, through the eyes of other people, including children. The following anecdote can be cited as an example of such humor.

Essay by a first-grader: “My dad can do everything in the world. He can jump with a parachute, conquer the most high peak, go on an expedition to North Pole. But he doesn’t do this because he has little free time: he helps his mother with the cleaning.”

National mentality

Numerous anecdotes about communication between representatives are based on the same principle (unique thinking). different nationalities. For example: a Chukchi is asked why he bought himself a refrigerator, because in his homeland it is already very cold in winter. A resident of the Far North answers: “It’s -50 degrees outside. The refrigerator is ten degrees below zero. The Chukchi will bask in it.

Great Russian language

The surprise effect can be created in another way. The Russian language is replete with many synonyms (words denoting the same concept). Therefore, considering various options How to write a joke, you can use this feature.

Readers probably remember an episode from the famous Soviet film"Gentlemen of Fortune", where the hero of Evgeny Leonov teaches bandits to replace obscene words literary analogues, which sound strange coming from them. This is a great example of how to come up with a joke using different means of expression Russian language.

One word - many meanings

This definition can be given to the lexical phenomenon of homonym.

An example is the anecdote about how a Georgian asks a hotel administrator if he can sleep with a light on. When they told him that he had the right to do this, he said: “Sveta, I found out. Here you can. Come in."

It has already been mentioned here that any joke must have an element of surprise. The first part of it is usually a phrase or fragment of text that does not go beyond logic and common sense. This is how both jokes and short stories are constructed. funny jokes.

How to come up with a joke for KVN?

There is a part in this game called "Warm Up". During this round, participants different teams compete in composing a continuation for a given phrase. Their goal is precisely to come up with an unexpected, witty conclusion to an ordinary sentence or the same answer to a question.

This form is classic for almost all jokes. The difference between them is only in design. A joke can be presented in the form of an anecdote, humorous story or a short saying.

The first part can be called the introduction, the second - the climax. Many people use the English terms setup and punchline.

Original technique

At the beginning of this article, we talked about the importance of such a quality as having a sense of humor. But even its absence can be the subject of jokes.

This feature of human intelligence is played out in the miniature “Avas” by Arkady Raikin, which depicts a dialogue between two people. One of the characters has a sense of humor, while the other does not.

Irony

This technique can also be used, including when writing jokes for a company. It always involves some kind of inconsistency. For example, one of Mikhail Zadornov’s crowning numbers was the following. The satirist analyzed the texts popular songs. The irony here is that the words of these works of art are studied along with high poetry. You can do the same thing with friends.

Irony is sometimes contained in short everyday jokes. For example, seeing a neighbor dressed in a formal suit, you can say: “Yes, I see you are going to the gym.”

Jokes for the holiday

But doing this is as easy as shelling pears. Such jokes, as a rule, are based on elementary deception and are designed to shock the interlocutor. A striking example This is the old joke when a person is told that his entire back is white. You can also say that you found a wallet with a large amount of money on which his phone number was written. I wonder how the interlocutor will behave: will he say that the wallet belongs to him, or will he show honesty?

These are just some of the techniques for writing jokes. You can use them or come up with your own.

Jokes on different topics, short, very funny for a minute, which will make you laugh until you cry.
Cheerfulness is the most outstanding feature of a person.
Read, smile at each other, joke - without barbs, without offensive ridicule.
Laugh for five minutes in front of the mirror every morning. Laughter activates many useful elements in our body, and also returns the body to a balanced state. Revitalize your habit of laughter and your life will become more vibrant.

- Oh, what a wonderful portrait, at what price is it being sold? - Please don't touch! This is a mirror!

— The crisis helped me get back on my feet. The bank took the car for an unpaid loan.

— I adore the group of Unknown performers, they sing Track 1, Track 2, Track 9 and they just captivate my soul!

“A miracle is an event described by people who heard about it from others who did not see it themselves.”

- Hello! Familiar face, we met somewhere!? Maybe at the zoo?
- Maybe... what cell were you in there?

“Conversation on the radio: “First, first, I’m second, you’re third?”

A limited mind with unlimited access to the Internet is a very unpleasant combination.

“Yesterday I didn’t come to work because I dreamed that I came”

One of the student’s commandments is “Do not snore during a lecture so as not to wake up a colleague!”

“Jokes about blondes are not the only truth”

“God invented a dream, and the devil invented an alarm clock”

"In the hospital. Doctor to patient: “I repeat for the hundredth time - Amnesia does not go away so quickly!”

“All men are animals who want only one thing... And why not from me?”

“All men are the same, only the salary is different”

“Do you know what Spider-Man is afraid of? Man's slippers"

“You’re good, I’ll drink, and we’ll both be very good!”

“I have the most sincere laugh... maliciously!”

“Where are you always welcome? At work."

— Is it worth going to a psychiatrist? - I asked myself. Opinions were divided.

Announcement: - We are looking for a driver for a bakery... With your truck and your bread.

“Girls are like the name of a page on the Internet. The ones you like have already been taken for a long time."

“If you knew how many times I almost died for love... But in any case, thanks to the skin and venereal doctors...”

“If you are over 30 years old and have not achieved anything in life, then you are an honest person.”

"If you aim for an idiot, he will probably do the same."

“If you have countless urgent tasks, you first need to figure out which ones need to be put off again.”

“Living in Russia is easy, but surviving is difficult”

“He who finds a friend finds a treasure. And whoever finds a treasure is not a friend..."

"Buy two, get three, you pay for four!"

“My wife is good, but others are even worse!”

“My wife watches TV so often that even the announcer recognizes her.”

- “Does your watch work? - No, I have it on my hand.”

“Optimism is not a lack of information”

“No one has ever died from laughter... except those who joked...”

“It’s a double-edged sword, you’ll get from both.”

Mom, I broke up with my boyfriend... - I know! I saw him in social network and even liked it.

Long live the Internet! Previously, only my neighbors hated me... and now half the world hates me.

Modern parents, when punishing their children, put them in a corner where Wi-Fi is weak.

“Patient’s bad behavior was operated on again”

“Paying your debt on time preserves your teeth better than toothpaste.”

“A family scandal is like a rock concert. It always starts with new material and ends with old hits."

“Now they write so much about the dangers of smoking that I have firmly decided to stop reading.”

“The sober plumber is a fairy-tale character!”

“You are not alone - loneliness is with you.”

“The good blonde Manya always bought live fish from the pet store to release into freedom... into the forest!”

“I would like to live like everyone else, but my conscience does not allow it.”

Topic of the section: Short jokes, very funny to the point of tears of joy.