How to come up with a joke: methods and tips. Good jokes

Jokes on various topics, short, very funny for a minute, which will make you laugh to tears.
Cheerfulness is the most outstanding feature of a person.
Read, smile at each other, joke - without barbs, without offensive ridicule.
Laugh for five minutes in front of the mirror every morning. Laughter activates many beneficial elements in our body, and also returns the body to a balanced state. Revive the habit of laughing and your life will become more alive.

— Oh, what a wonderful portrait at what price is sold? - Please don't touch! It's a mirror!

— The crisis helped me get back on my feet. For an unpaid loan, the bank took the car.

- I love the group of Unknown Artists, they sing Track 1, Track 2, Track 9 directly fascinate my soul!

“A miracle is an event described by people who heard about it from others who did not see it themselves.”

- Hello! A familiar face, we met somewhere!? Maybe at the zoo?
“Maybe… what cell were you in there?”

“Conversation on the radio: - First, first, I'm second, are you third?

A limited mind with unlimited Internet access is a very unpleasant combination.

“Yesterday I didn’t come to work because I dreamed that I came”

One of the student's commandments "Do not snore during a lecture so as not to wake up a colleague!"

"Jokes about blondes are not the only truth"

"God invented the dream, and the devil invented the alarm clock"

"In the hospital. Doctor to patient: “I repeat for the hundredth time – Amnesia does not go away so quickly!”

“All men are animals who want only one thing… And why not from me?”

“All men are the same, only the salary is different”

“Do you know what Spiderman is afraid of? Human slippers"

“You are good, I will drink and we will both be very good!”

“I have the most sincere laugh ... malevolent!”

"Where are you always expected? At work."

Should I go to a psychiatrist? I asked myself. Opinions were divided.

Announcement: - We are looking for a driver for a bakery ... With your truck and your bread.

“Girls are like the name of a page on the Internet. The ones you like are already taken."

“If you knew how many times I almost died for love ... But in any case, thanks to the skin and venereal doctors ...”

“If you are over 30 years old and have not achieved anything in life, then you are an honest person”

"If you aim for an idiot, he will probably do the same."

“If you have countless urgent things to do, you first need to figure out which ones to put off, retry.”

“Living in Russia is easy, surviving is difficult”

“Whoever finds a friend finds a treasure. And who finds a treasure, not a friend ... "

"Buy two, get three, you pay for four!"

“My wife is good, and others are even worse!”

“My wife often watches TV that even the announcer recognizes her.”

- "Does your watch work? - No, I wear ours on my hand."

“Optimism is a lack of information”

“No one has died from laughter yet… except for those who joked…”

"A double-edged sword, you get both."

Mom, I broke up with my boyfriend ... - I know! I saw it on social media and even liked it.

Long live the Internet! Before, only my neighbors hated me... and now half the globe.

modern parents, punishing their children, put them in a corner where Wi-Fi is weak.

"Bad Behavior Patient Operated Again"

"A debt paid on time keeps teeth better than toothpaste."

“A family scandal is like a rock concert. It always starts with new material and ends with old hits."

“Now there is so much written about the dangers of smoking that I have firmly decided to stop reading.”

“A sober plumber is a fairy-tale character!”

"You are not alone - loneliness is with you."

“Good blonde Manya always bought live fish from a pet store to set free ... into the forest!”

“I would like to live like everyone else, but my conscience does not allow.”

Section theme: Jokes are short, very funny to tears of joy.

People have been joking for years. They joke with words, make faces, draw pictures and make films. Someone had to fix this one day.


1 Personally, I don't find clowns funny at all. To be honest, I'm afraid of them. I don't even know when it started. Probably when I was taken to the circus as a child and a clown killed my father. J. Handy
3 The creative intelligentsia of the whole world condemned the closure of the Tajik Opera and Ballet Theatre. “Now the unemployed artists will most certainly become drug dealers and drug couriers,” music critics confidently declare. Magazine "Red Burda"
5 They are little blue creatures, and each of them has fifty hands, so they are the only people in the entire universe who invented deodorant before the wheel. D. Adams. Restaurant at the edge of the universe


6 If Roosevelt were alive, he would be turning over in his grave. Samuel Goldwyn


7 “The boatswain fell overboard,” Captain Hold told me. “I am partly to blame for this. It happened early in the morning. I picked him up in my arms to get a better look at the iceberg, and quite by accident, I assure you, quite by accident I dropped him overboard.
“Captain Hold,” I inquired, “have you done anything to save him?”
"Not yet," he replied shyly.
S. Leacock. Lost among the swells, or a shipwreck in the ocean
10


Terrible sciatica. Old-timers do not remember that a person had such an ass pain. F. Ranevskaya


11 - Have mercy, Pyotr Andreevich! What are you up to! Did you quarrel with Alexei Ivanovich? Great trouble! Hard words break no bones. He scolded you, and you scold him; he is in your snout, and you are in his ear, in the other, in the third - and disperse ... A. Pushkin. Captain's daughter


12


- What's great? - shouted to him from the sky Winnie the Pooh. - Well, who do I look like?
- On a bear that flies in a balloon!
“But doesn’t it look like a little black cloud?” asked Pooh anxiously.
- Not good.
- Well, maybe it looks more like from here.
A. Milne. Winnie the Pooh and all
(retelling by B. Zakhoder)


13 In their company, I would die of boredom if I were not there. Alexandre Dumas son
15 My girlfriend always dies of laughter during sex, no matter what she reads. Emo Phillips


16 - A thousand apologies! Don Goog exclaimed, smoothly approaching the table. “By my duke’s rickets, completely unforeseen circumstances!” I was stopped four times by the patrol of His Majesty the King of Arkanar, and twice I fought with some boors. He gracefully raised his left hand, wrapped in a bloody rag. - By the way, noble dons, whose helicopter is behind the hut?
"That's my helicopter," Don Condor said peevishly. - I don't have time for fights on the roads.
A. and B. Strugatsky. It's hard to be a god
18 I met several professors there. One of them followed me all the time and explained that the ancestral home of the Gypsies was in the Krkonoše, and the other argued that there was another ball inside the globe, much larger than the outer one. In the lunatic asylum, everyone could say whatever came into his head, as if in parliament. I. Hasek. The Adventures of the Good Soldier Schweik
20 Indiana Jones unexpectedly wins a saber duel with a pistol. Film "Indiana Jones in search of the lost ark."
22 The Kid began to run out of patience, and when Uncle Julius visited them last time, he drew a portrait of him in his album, and under the drawing he wrote: "Dumbass." Uncle Julius accidentally saw this drawing and said: "You drew a bad horse." A. Lindgren. Carlson, who lives on the roof, is playing pranks again
24


- Do you identify with your character?
- No.
- Why?
- I'm playing a crazy cannibal robot!
From the movie "Notting Hill"


25 And your dad is a binduzhnik Mendel Krik. What is this dad thinking? He thinks about drinking a good glass of vodka, about punching someone in the face, about his horses - and nothing else. I. Babel


26


A man is adorned by clothes. Naked people have very little influence in society, if not none at all. M. Twain


27 The oldest of funny jokes.
Once a scholastic philosopher met his old acquaintance.
- ABOUT! And they told me you were dead!
- No, you see, I'm alive.
- That's how it is. But the person who told me you were dead deserves more credit than you.
Collection of anecdotes "Philogelos", 5th century BC. e.


28


The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. W. Churchill


29 Forty is the age when you finally feel young, but it's too late. Pablo Picasso


30 There are only two infinite things: the universe and stupidity. Although I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein


31


Hey, dumpling, it hit me: each of our ancestors fucked at least once! From m / f "Beavis and Butt-head"
33 Sleep faster, someone else needs your pillow! M. Zoshchenko
35 Entrust the solution of a complex task to a lazy employee: he will find an easier way. Hlade's Law


36 If a critical situation arises, wake me up at any time of the day or night - even if I'm at a cabinet meeting. Ronald Reagan


37 To help the patient develop his hands after a complex operation, the doctors gave him lice ... I. Kvasov
39 I dreamed about Freud. What would that mean? E. Lets
41 Do you have a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? Mae West


42


Sometimes you have to make people laugh to distract them from wanting to hang you. B. Show


43 - Ale… Who is it? Director? Fuck you, director! Not up to you right now. From m / f "Masyanya"
45 When George ends his life on the gallows, Harris will be the worst packer in the world. J. K. Jerome. Three in the boat, not counting the dog


46


- Bimbo, stop! When he told this joke, he did not know that you are an elephant! Harry Larsen


47 If life is too busy,
Function weakens sexual.
I. Huberman


48


The Simpsons are watching the lottery results.
Homer. This guy certainly won a lot of money, but there is one thing that money can't buy!
Marge. And what is it?
Homer. Dinosaur!
From m / f "The Simpsons"
51


When it finally dawned on my parents that I had been kidnapped, they didn't hesitate a minute and immediately rented out my room. W. Allen


52


- I'm from the Mog tribe. Half dog, half human. I am my own best friend! From the movie "Space Eggs"


53


Don't touch Shikhman's bear,
With Mishka away doubts:
He is full of Jews
In every generation.
There grandfather is paralyzed,
Former pest doctor
And I'm an anti-Semite
On an anti-Semite.
Mishka is a doctor, he suddenly calmed down,
In Israel there is an abyss of them.
There are only gynecologists
Like uncut dogs.
There is no way for dentists,
Too much asking.
Where can you find all the teeth?
So unemployment.
V. Vysotsky
55 She grabbed his hand and repeatedly asked: “Where did you put the money?” A. Averchenko. Magazine "Satyricon"
57 The best view of this city, if you sit in a bomber. I. Brodsky. Performance

58


- Dear, kiss me goodbye ... Promise that you will never marry again!
- I promise!
- No sex!
Sorry, I didn't hear...
- No-ka-ko-go sex-sa!
- Honey, your speech is slurred... You have a terrible injury!
- No sex, no sex!
- O evil fate, the last words of the wife will remain under the veil of darkness!
- Don't fuck!
- Yes, dear ... Go to the light ...
From the movie "Scary Movie - 3"
60 The apartment of two friends was robbed.
Ross. What did the insurance company say?
Chandler. Yes, they all repeated: "You did not conclude an insurance contract with us, stop calling us."
From the series "Friends"


61 - Crazy! From m / f "Hedgehog in the Fog"


62 And you yourself know how hard it is to write about love in France. Because everything that concerns love has long been written in France. Everyone knows about love there, but here they know nothing about love. Show our man with a secondary education, show him a hard chancre and ask: "What kind of chancre is it - hard or soft?" - he will definitely blurt out: “Soft, of course,” and show him soft - so he will be completely confused. And there - no. Maybe they don’t know how much “St. John’s wort” costs, but if the chancre is soft, then it will be soft for everyone and no one will call it hard ... Ven. Erofeev. Moscow - Petushki
64


Nick Gurevich
66


V. Lubnin


67


Kyle. Hey Stan, did you see a rainbow this morning?
Stan. Yeah. Such healthy!
Cartman. I hate rainbows!
Stan. Cartman, everyone likes a rainbow. What is there to hate about her?
Cartman. It's not clear, is it? Here you are sitting, all in your thoughts, and this rainbow will tumble down, and how it will crawl right along your leg, climb into your ass, where it will start to bite! You will then yell: “Hey, get out of my ass, you stupid rainbow!”
Kyle. Cartman, a rainbow is such a multi-colored arch that appears in the sky after a thunderstorm.
Cartman. Ah! Rainbow! Oh yes, I love rainbows. Cool such!
Stan. Cartman, what are you talking about?
Cartman. A? Yes, so ... About nothing ...
From m / f "South Park"

68 - I want to tell you that we can't get married at all.
- Why?
- First of all, I'm not a natural blonde.
- It doesn't matter.
- But I smoke. I smoke all the time.
- I don't care.
- I will never have children.
- We'll adopt someone.
- Oh, damn! And after all, I am a man.
- Well. Each has its own shortcomings.
From the movie "Only Girls in Jazz"

69 Gentlemen of the jury! Look at Cicolini! Yes, he talks like an idiot and looks like an idiot. But don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot. From the movie "Duck Soup".


70



72 It's better to be black than gay. If you were born a black man, at least you don't have to think about how to tell your mother about it. Charles Pierce


73 Another solution (how to improve memory. - Approx. MAXIM) is to take regular doses of Ginkgo biloba, an extract from a tree growing in Asia, which has such a strong memory that one day it will hunt down and kill all the people who have ever eaten it. S. Martin. Changes in memory after fifty


74 Vera Inber had the line "... don't cut the dashing head!" V. Kataev wrote a parody:
Ah, u Inber, ah, u Inber
Curly forehead.
A century would look, a century would look
On her b.


75 The love of a married woman is a great thing. Married men never dreamed of such a thing. O. Wilde


76 - Izzy, do not go to visit us anymore. After you arrived, Sarah lost her necklace.
- But I did not take anything, Abraham!
- Yes, the necklace was found, but the sediment remained.

78 I have seen more people who have been ruined by the desire to have a wife and children and keep them comfortable than men who have been ruined by drunkenness and whores. William Butler Yeats


79 Friendship between a man and a woman is possible. True, children are born from her. Friedrich Engels


80 - I want to ask you this: when you drove in, did you see the sign here "Storage of the dead blacks"?
No, I haven't seen...
“Do you know why you didn’t see the sign “Vault of the Dead Negroes”? Because I! Not! I keep! Dead! Negroes!
- Again?! You have already jumped ten times, the parachute has never opened!
- No, I have to!
- Well, to hell with you, jump.
On the ground there is a meeting in the collective farm. The chairman yells:
- Disgrace! Cows don't milk! Chickens don't lay! Drunk tractor driver drowned!
A roar, a crack, a roof breaks, a parachutist falls on the table.
Chairman:
- And this parachutist is already sick of it !!!
83 You were done in a hurry.
Your whole life is an advertisement for safe sex!
From the film "DMB"
85

You were in college! Have you been told about cases like mine?
- Yes, of course they did. Psychological anomalies...
- So what should I do?
- I think we need to meet again. Like tomorrow!


87 I drink no more than one hundred grams, but after drinking one hundred grams, I become a different person, and this other person drinks a lot. Emil Krotky


88 I owe my health and longevity to the fact that I never touched a cigarette, a glass, or a woman until I was ten years old. George Moore


89 Punctuality is the politeness of bores. Evelyn Waugh


90 Nothing is more demoralizing than a modest but steady income. Edward Wilson


91 An elderly couple is having breakfast. The wife asks thoughtfully:
Vasya, do you love me?
Husband throwing a fork in his hearts:
- Well, why is it necessary to start every morning with a scandal ?!


92 Drug apartment. Doorbell.
On the threshold - a police squad:
- We have a lot of complaints from your neighbors. They say that your apartment stinks of burnt rags and laughter is constantly heard. What are you doing here?
Addict (shrugs):
- Yes so... We burn rags, we laugh.


93


Advocate. Tell me, did the defendant have a personal dislike for the victim?
Witness. Yes, I experienced. He told me: “I feel such personal dislike for the victim that I can’t eat.”
Prosecutor. But the defendant claims that he did not know the victim.
Witness. Listen ... this ... how do you know? When he went to the toilet, Valiko asked me: “Listen, he says, who is he, this victim? Where did he go? I see him for the first time,” he says.
From the movie "Mimino"
95 Generally speaking, my kids refuse to eat anything that isn't dancing on TV. Erma Bombek


96 A woman can make any man a billionaire a millionaire. Charlie Chaplin
100


One awkward move and you're a father. M. Zhvanetsky

We all love wit, and probably each of us collects funny phrases and expressions - because this is the best way to cheer up or cheer up a person who is a little sad.

Of course, someone tries to come up with humorous answers on their own, but, as you know, a sense of humor is also a great gift, and therefore it is not always possible to answer the interlocutor in such a way that it sounds really funny. Therefore, it is best to stock up on witty phrases in advance.

If you collect short funny phrases, then we will be happy to replenish your collection with sparkling jokes and sarcastic sketches.


How often do we need some tools to lift our spirits? The heaviest thoughts can be driven away with a couple of hilarious phrases, for that matter.


Don't know what to talk about in a new company? It's easier than ever! The best relationships start with having fun together. Just tell your interlocutors a few successful short jokes - this will be enough for everyone to relax, and the conversation went as smoothly and easily as possible.

Themes for jokes

What do people usually joke about? We have compiled our own top 5 best mood booster themes. So, the most common topics for jokes:
Of course, these are not all the topics we joke about. We also often use funny phrases to get to know a girl, cheer up our best friend, or completely dispel a quarrel that has begun.

There is, however, another eternal theme for those who like to have fun - pets. The weird habits of our little ones can be an endless source of laughs.

And if you are a connoisseur of special, elegant humor, then you will surely like short rhymed jokes and poems in one line - their second, and sometimes even third meaning allows you to express the whole gamut of feelings.


Memorize funny phrases, and even better, share them with friends on social networks - this way you can definitely cheer up not only yourself, but also your loved ones.

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. Therefore, from time to time, each of us needs to move away from everyday worries, relax and have at least a little fun. Cool phrases and funny sayings are a sure and wonderful tool for quickly raising a good mood. Cool phrases and statuses are very popular because they describe the exciting moments in the lives of many people in a humorous way. They will help you impress your interlocutors with wit, as well as cheer up friends, colleagues, a bored company or guests at a festive party. Cool expressions can also come in handy to “defuse” a tense situation or in awkward situations when you need to correct your oversight.
There are many wonderful funny phrases and expressions. I tried to select the best, funniest "phrases" that, in my opinion, deserve the most attention. Read on and let no one be left without a smile!

  • My character, of course, is not sugar, but I was not created for that, to add me to tea!
  • If I ever die because of a man, it will only be from laughter.
  • I am neither good nor bad. I'm kind in an evil stripe!
  • I only have one life and I can't afford to be unhappy!
  • I thought I was special, but it turned out - the best ...
  • It is not enough to know your own worth - you still need to be in demand.
  • What is, you can’t put it back !!!
  • So what if the wind is in your head, but thoughts are always fresh ...
  • Where have you seen a cat who cares what mice say about her?
  • If you spit on my back, then I'm ahead of you!
  • Don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you where to go!
  • If you want me to be an angel, organize heaven for me!
  • My life my rules. If you don't like my rules, stay out of my life.
  • She has not been seen in vicious relationships ... Was it not? No… Not noticed!
  • You need to live in such a way that others have depression!
  • When will they learn how to conduct light into women's handbags ?! I really need it!!!
  • We are strong women: we will take out the garbage, and the brain, if necessary!
  • Lose weight on three diets! (I can't eat two...)
  • He eats - I cook, he wears - I wash, he scatters - I clean. And what would I do without him...
  • Women's folk fun: she came up with it herself, she was offended.
  • I am like champagne: I can be playful, but I can give it to my head ...
  • I so want to be a weak woman, but, as luck would have it, either the horses are galloping, or the huts are burning ...
  • Sometimes my husband shakes from me ... Still, I am an amazing woman !!!
  • Girls are standing, standing aside, pulling handkerchiefs in their hands ... Because for ten girls, according to statistics: 1 gay, 4 alcoholics, 2 divorced, 2 drug addicts and 1 normal, but he is married ...
  • What is the difference between fake love and real love? Fake: "I like snowflakes in your hair!" Real: "Fool, why without a hat?"
  • If a woman has sparkles in her eyes, then the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something.
  • How to make a girl crazy?
    “Give her a lot of money and close all the shops!”
  • Men, let's wash, clean, cook, iron ...., and we want you!
  • I so want to cuddle up to someone, put my lips to my ear and whisper ...: “Give me money!”
  • Sometimes I open the closet, look in it for a long time and realize that I keep two-thirds of my clothes in case I go crazy.
  • Classic women's wardrobe: Nothing to wear. Nowhere to hang. It’s a pity to throw it away ... And there is also a department “Suddenly I lose weight” ...
  • You need to smile so wide that problems stumble over a smile!
  • An optimist is a person who, even falling face down in the mud, is sure that it is healing!
  • Girls, who there wanted to lose weight by spring?
  • This morning, while I was painting, I fainted 5 times from my beauty ...
  • I used to live alone and all my things were lying around in their places, but now I'm married and all things are neat and beautiful, no one knows where ...
  • I want fate to take me by the hair and right in the face - in happiness, in happiness, in happiness.
  • A woman should be loved, happy, beautiful! And she doesn't owe anyone anything!
  • The smartest plant is horseradish: he knows everything ...
  • Now I live only according to this principle: whoever wants - will come, whoever needs it - will call, whoever is bored - will find it! And to whom - In figs, those - In figs!
  • All men are bastards! All they need is just one! But why, why not from me-I-I?!
  • I would have sent you, but I see you and so from there!
  • Women are not interested in rags only if these rags are men.
  • If you think that life is beautiful, then antidepressants are chosen correctly.
  • If there are nails on the feet, then hands should be on the hands, and animals generally have bast shoes!
  • There is nothing better in the world than creaking a bed until dawn!
  • Judging by how life is fucking me, I'm fucking sexy!
  • Robbers demand a purse or life, women - both.
  • Never do evil out of spite! Bad things must come from the heart!
  • The smarter a woman is, the more refined and diverse she takes out the brain of her man!
  • Any dirty tricks can be put to good use, if only there was a desire…
  • Queens never get upset. When they are sad, they just execute someone...
  • The weaker sex is stronger than the strong one due to the weakness of the stronger sex to the weaker one.
  • Long live split personality - the shortest path to peace of mind!
  • Spring is late for us, summer is delayed ... And autumn, you bastard, is punctual!
  • I'm a woman - I have evil as standard!
  • Don't want to be nice? - Get rid of the Vaseline!
  • I am a creative woman. I want - I create, I want - I create ...
  • With a teaspoon in my pocket, with a bald cactus in my hand, I’m going to frighten the old woman that lives in the attic, I’ll poke him with a spoon, I’ll order him to sit on the cactus ... I’m a little stupid - I have a certificate! ..
  • Vasilisa was a sorceress ... Waving his right sleeve - a lake ... Waving his left - swans ... Waving another 200 grams - and the hallucinations are more complicated ...
  • Happiness is when you have a doctor, a cop, a lawyer and a killer among your friends. Life just gets easier...
  • There are people, like a drug - you know that it is impossible, but it pulls. And there are people like a cake - sweet, tasty, but sick ...
  • I want to, like a bear: to eat up in the summer, and hibernate in the winter. And she lost weight, and slept, and did not see frost!
  • Grandfather Frost, I behaved well for a whole year ... and now can I beat someone ???
  • Caught a goldfish. She listened to me very carefully and said: “Fry!”
  • And they take me away, and they take me away, into a colorful ringing crap, three white horses, two red elephants, a penguin, a hippopotamus and a deer.
  • That which does not kill us, then regrets it very much.
  • I am air. Don't try to hold on. Breathe while I let you breathe...
  • My beloved said to me: “You are evil in the flesh!” Well, I'll implement it. I'm very obedient. And if for some reason he needs it, then how can I get past the request!
  • I’m a very good cook… I can hang noodles… Brew porridge… Add oil… In general, I’m a smart sorceress.
  • "Baby, I love you!" - excellent status! And all the suns are pleased, and you will not sleep ...
  • - You need to treat the girl carefully, like with a Christmas tree.
    Cut down and take home?
  • - Strangers make remarks to my child! How to react?
    - Teach your child a magic spell: "My mother teaches me that not every value judgment should serve as a behavior modifier." When pronounced with clear diction and confidently benevolent intonation, it acts similarly to the spell: "Petrify!". And more reliable. Although not for long. But without dangerous side effects.
  • You begin to understand that everything is really bad when a person cries, who usually calms everyone ...
  • As my grandmother used to say, it's better to shoot, reload and shoot again than to shine a flashlight and ask "who's there?"
  • In any situation, say "everything is going according to plan" - you never know what kind of fucked up plan you have.
  • Sometimes it becomes so cool from the fact that it has become so in fig what was once so important ...
  • And I'll leave, not noticing the insults.
    Chewing a chocolate candy.
    And let the evil horse love you,
    Not a sun like me.
  • "Darling, is it true that I'm the only one you have?"
    - Yes, what are you talking about today, all agreed, or what !?
  • A woman, like fire, cannot be left unattended. Or go out, or burn everything to hell !!!
  • Alcohol does not help to find the answer, it helps to forget the question....
  • Darling, you insist so much on our relationship with you ... I don’t understand, do you have a nervous system made of reinforced concrete or a lifetime reservation in a madhouse?
  • Sometimes you think: here it is, happiness! But no, damn it, experience again ...
  • Here you drown a person, and it seems so sad, but then bubbles appear, so good, and the heart rejoices.
  • It is easy to understand female logic, it is enough to learn how to play billiards with cubes.
  • It is necessary to find out the relationship only with those with whom you have these relationships. The rest - in figs on the shore of silence, collect shells ...
  • Happiness is when the previous f*ck has already ended, and the next one has not yet begun.
  • Cockroaches in the head are still normal. The problem is when a squirrel starts to kick them out ...
  • A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere. Don't complicate!
  • You need to return to the woman as quickly as possible. So quickly that she does not have time to understand that she is fine without you.
  • If you love, let go. If it doesn't come back, track it down and kill it.
  • There are many other people's nerves in the world - there is no need to fray your own!
  • I bought a chalk from cockroaches! Now it’s quiet and calm in my head ... they sit, draw ...
  • Here you send someone in a hurry. And in your soul you worry: did you get there? ... didn’t you get there? ...
  • - Who are you?
    - Kind fairy!
    - And why with an ax?
    - Yes, the mood is not very good ...
  • I got up on the wrong foot, sat on the wrong broom, and generally flew in the wrong direction ...
  • Give me wings, otherwise the whole ass is in splinters from the broom!
  • In general, I love raspberry pies. Of course, they don’t reciprocate, but they don’t behave like bastards either!
  • - What will you order?
    - I, please, nerves, mind, calmness and * zma ... Yes, more * zma, please.
  • Don't be a jerk - give the person a second chance. Don't be an idiot - never give a third.
  • Nerves in shock, brains in a trance, and logic generally went and shot itself.
  • If my mother taught me to be cultured, this does not mean that I don’t kick in the eye, as my father taught me!
  • A realist is someone who doesn't care if the glass is half full or half empty. For him, what's in the glass is more important.
  • Whatever the rake teaches, but the heart believes in miracles ...
  • It's amazing how some people enjoy romantic rake walks.
  • If you constantly step on the same rake, then this is a fucking rake!
  • Smile more often - and the thicket will smile at you!
  • Yes, I'm not an angel, but flying faster on a broomstick.
  • Everyone thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. No matter how! Our dream is to eat and not get better!
  • All women are angels, but if their wings are cut off, they begin to fly on a broomstick.
  • A man should be able to do two things: set fire to huts and scare horses so that his woman has something to do, and not take out his brains.
  • ... and yet it is IMPORTANT that the butterflies in the stomach agree with the cockroaches in the head!
  • Yesterday, it seemed, I gained my mind-reason ... Today I woke up - but no, I just got it ...
  • I don’t promise to bring to sin, but I spend ...
  • No need to offend me, I'm a vulnerable girl, just about - immediately into tears ... And then with tearful eyes it's so hard to understand who was hit with a shovel ...
  • This morning, such horrors were shown in the mirror ...
  • I don't drink flowers and sweets!
  • - Girl, why haven't we met yet?
    God bless you, stupid creature...
  • I am not overweight. He's my spare.
  • Philologist woman: bright multiple sarcasms on the first date.
  • While men, being boys, play war games and cars, women, being girls, immediately prepare to manipulate people and play with dolls.
  • It is better to be a favorite wretch than to be an unnecessary perfection.
  • Listen to the voice of reason ... Do you hear? Do you hear what the hell he's talking about?
  • A woman needs a sense of intimacy, trust, and a strong connection to get into bed with a man. For a man - mainly - a place ...
  • Squirrels eat snow. What are you doing to end winter?
  • People who helped the spring and ate the snow, why else did you gobble up the asphalt?
  • The glass blower accidentally sneezed at work and created a new vase for the Ikea store.
  • If things don't go the way you want - it's not your business, let them pass by.
  • Can't relieve stress? Don't dress up!!!
  • It is wrong to say "toad strangles." It should be like this: “amphibiotropic asphyxia happened to me”
  • Macaque koala in cocoa macala. Koala lazily lapped cocoa ...
  • Squirrels in spats in the bowels of the tundra dig cedar kernels. In the bowels of the tundra, otters in spats are digging cedar kernels in buckets! Having torn the gaiters from the otter in the tundra, wipe the otter kernels of cedar, wipe the muzzle of the otter with the gaiter - the kernels into buckets, the otter into the tundra.
  • After washing the leggings in the swamp, putting the cores in buckets, the otters with squirrels in an embrace quietly finish the jar ... Finishing the moonshine, the otters danced a jig, the squirrels tried on the leggings, muttering that they had seen a worse holiday in the tundra.
  • I speak English with a dictionary, so far I am shy with people ...
  • Sliding under the table, do not forget to politely say goodbye to the guests.
  • There is a genius in each of us. And every day it gets stronger and stronger...
  • I do not know what you are taking from the head, but it obviously does not help you!
  • Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt…
  • A beautiful woman pleases the male gaze, an ugly woman pleases the female!
  • There are no perpetual motion machines in the world, but there are plenty of perpetual brakes!
  • Take care of the Motherland! Vacation abroad!
  • I am constantly haunted by smart thoughts, but I find myself faster ...
  • Everyone is spoiled to the best of their ability.
  • If a gentleman says to a lady "I understand you perfectly", he means "You are talking twice as much as necessary"!
  • If it is right to leave your husband, then he will definitely return ... like a boomerang.
  • If you want to bring a person to sclerosis, give him a loan.
  • Looking at how some accumulate good, others begin to accumulate evil.
  • There are so many interesting things in this life and so few people who are interested.
  • If you want to marry smart, beautiful and rich, marry three times.
  • Sclerosis cannot be cured, but you can forget about it.
  • If you cannot be a star in the sky, at least become a lamp in the house.
  • A man, even if he could understand what a woman thinks, he still would not believe.
  • The best way to organize a panic is to ask everyone to remain calm.
  • Everyone wants to have a good time, but you can't.
  • Tell me I'm wrong and I'll tell you who you are.
  • What a pity that you are finally leaving! ..
  • Lost conscience. I ask the finder not to worry and keep it to yourself.

How to come up with a joke? This question is sometimes puzzled not only by members of student KVN teams, but also by people who are far from such activities. For example, creating a small humorous number may be required for a friendly theme party. Jokes are sometimes contained in wedding toasts-congratulations.

The importance of humor in ordinary, everyday life cannot be overestimated. It is much more pleasant to communicate with a cheerful, positive person than with an eternally gloomy subject.

How to be funny?

Some people think that artificially mastering the skill of creating good jokes is almost impossible. They talk about the need for a special gift that a person must be endowed with in order to become a successful humorist. To some extent, these people are right. A sense of humor, of course, must be present in someone who decides to make others laugh. Otherwise, this idea in itself is absurd.

However, it is worth mentioning that many famous comedians performing on the professional stage, as well as players of the major league of KVN, often say that you cannot go far on natural inclinations alone. To regularly invent, you need a certain technique, knowledge of the structure of numbers, and so on. They will be discussed in the following chapters.

Magic wand

In many articles on this topic, the art of humorists is compared with the performances of magicians.

How are the numbers of illusionists usually built? As a rule, at first the artist distracts the attention of the audience, focusing it on some subject. In the meantime, he imperceptibly for the audience is preparing a surprise. What will happen in the next moment, the audience usually does not know. This is where surprise plays a huge role. Almost all good jokes are built on it. The listener does not know how the phrase will end. Or he thinks that he guesses about the final part of the statement, but his assumptions turn out to be erroneous.

Even if the essence of the joke is a parody of a famous person, all the same, his manner of speaking and moving turns out to be somewhat distorted, the characteristic features are always deliberately exaggerated in such cases. This turns out to be unexpected and creates a comic effect. Therefore, before you set out to figure out how to come up with a funny joke, you need to learn to think outside the box.

Children as a source of inspiration

Experienced actors say that it is very difficult to play children and animals because of their unpredictability. This quality does not interfere with learning from the younger generation and novice comedians. Examples of out-of-the-box thinking can be found in many children's sayings that make adults smile and are perceived as good jokes. Example: a little boy, seeing a river covered with ice in winter, asks his mother why it has dried up.

It is no coincidence that the heroes of many jokes are children. These characters, due to their peculiar perception of the world around them, express ideas and thoughts that are unexpected for an adult. Therefore, the question of how to come up with a joke can be answered as follows. It is necessary to learn to look at familiar phenomena from unusual points of view, through the eyes of other people, including children. An example of such humor is the following anecdote.

Composition of a first grader: “My dad can do everything in the world. He can jump with a parachute, conquer the highest peak, go on an expedition to the North Pole. But he doesn’t do it because he doesn’t have much free time: he helps his mother with cleaning.”

National mentality

Numerous jokes about communication between representatives of different nationalities are built on the same principle (unique thinking). For example: they ask the Chukchi why he bought a refrigerator for himself, because in his homeland it is already very cold in winter. A resident of the Far North replies: “It's -50 degrees outside. The fridge is ten degrees below zero. The Chukchi will bask in it.

Great Russian language

The effect of surprise can be created in another way. The Russian language is replete with many synonyms (words denoting the same concept). Therefore, considering various options for how to compose a joke, you can use this feature.

Readers probably remember the episode from the famous Soviet film "Gentlemen of Fortune", where the hero Yevgeny Leonov teaches bandits to replace obscene words with literary analogues that sound strange in their mouths. This is a great example of how to come up with a joke using various expressive means of the Russian language.

One word - many meanings

Such a definition can be given to the lexical phenomenon of a homonym.

An example is the anecdote about how a Georgian asks the hotel administrator if he can sleep with the light on. When he was told that he had the right to do so, he said: “Sveta, I found out. Here you can. Come in."

It has already been mentioned here that in any joke there must be an element of surprise. The first part of it is usually a phrase or a piece of text that does not go beyond logic and common sense. In this way, both jokes and short funny jokes are built.

How to come up with a joke for KVN?

This game has a part called "Warm Up". During this round, participants from different teams compete in composing a continuation for a given phrase. Their goal is precisely to come up with an unexpected, witty ending to an ordinary sentence or the same answer to a question.

This form is classic for almost all jokes. The difference between them is only in the design. A joke can be presented as an anecdote, a humorous story or a short saying.

The first part can be called the introduction, the second - the climax. Many use the English terms setup and punchline.

original reception

At the beginning of this article, it was said about the importance of such a quality as having a sense of humor. But even his absence can be the subject of jokes.

This feature of the human intellect is played up in the miniature "Avas" by Arkady Raikin, which depicts a dialogue between two people. One of the characters has a sense of humor, and the other does not.

Irony

This technique can also be used, including writing jokes for the company. It is always in some kind of inconsistency. For example, one of the crown numbers of Mikhail Zadornov was the following. The satirist analyzed the texts of popular songs. The irony here is that the words of these works of art are studied on a par with high poetry. You can do the same with friends.

Irony is sometimes contained in short everyday jokes. For example, when you see a neighbor dressed in a formal suit, you can say: “Yes, I see you are going to the gym.”

Jokes for the holiday

And it's easy to do so. Such jokes are usually based on elementary deception and are designed to shock the interlocutor. A vivid example of this is the old joke when a person is told that his entire back is white. You can also say that you found a wallet with a large amount of money on which his phone number was written. I wonder how the interlocutor will behave: will he say that the wallet belongs to him, or will he be honest?

These are just a few of the tricks for making jokes. You can use them or come up with your own.