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So that a son grows into a man, good father, a worthy member of society, it is important to know how to raise a boy. Representatives of the stronger sex, capable of action and recognition, self-confident, courageous and courageous, grow up from little boys whose mother and father have found the right one. pedagogical approach. There are many subtleties and nuances that you need to know in order to grow good man, a comprehensively developed personality, a real man.

Raising boys

IN Ancient Rus' believed that women should not raise sons. This is a man's task. Tutors were hired for noble children, and children from the lower classes moved in a male environment thanks to their early introduction to work. Since the 20th century, boys are being brought up less and less under male attention; child care is being shifted to women's shoulders. Flaw male influence affects the behavior of the adult son. Men become lacking initiative, cannot fight back the offender, and do not want to overcome difficulties.

Psychology of raising boys

Courageous, strong and courageous men are not immediately born with this set human qualities. The character of the stronger sex comes from childhood. The correct actions of parents, based on the psychological characteristics of boys, are the key to success, the answer to how to raise their sons correctly. Needed for boys and girls different approach, because their psychology is different. For a son to become a worthy member of modern society, it is important to build respectful, trusting relationships with him.

Rules of education

Each family's methods of education may vary, but if the parents' task is to form a strong, responsible personality, then it is worth raising their son by following the following few rules:

1. The baby should have self-esteem, and not just follow the orders of his parents.
2. Even a preschooler, not to mention a teenager, must clearly understand that everything started must be completed.
3. Let the boys play sports. This is needed not only for physical training, but also for the emergence of self-discipline.
4. It is important to cultivate perseverance in a child in the face of defeat, and difficulties must be overcome by any means.
5. Boys need to be taught a sense of responsibility and mercy.

Male education

The role of the father in the task of raising boys is difficult to overestimate. If up to 4-5 years higher value for the baby he has a mother, then after that he reaches out to his father. Only through communication with his father (or other men) does a boy learn masculine behavior. Children copy the behavior of their fathers, because his moral principles, habits and manners are the embodiment of the standard of masculinity, an example to follow. The authority of the father and attitude towards the mother determine how much the boy will love and respect his future family, wife.

How to raise a boy to be a real man

A man's character is formed due to the various actions of his parents. Some people focus on studying and books, others believe important stage For the formation of personality, playing sports, for others it is important to raise a child who loves work. Whatever path you choose, the main thing is to show the baby positive example. Only your hard work, love of sports, and responsibility will be able to demonstrate and cultivate the same qualities in your child.

Sex education

No less important than the psychological aspects of upbringing are the physiological ones for a boy. From birth, monitor the formation of the genitourinary system; if problems are detected, contact a specialist. The cause may be weak or excessive development of the genital organs, narrowing or inflammation of the foreskin, and other disorders. Hygienic habits are established in childhood. For boys, uncleanliness can cause inflammation, pain, and swelling. Parents are obliged to form and instill healthy habits in a timely manner.

In addition to hygiene, sex education also covers other aspects. The task of the mother and father is to help the son understand his belonging to male, teach him to behave adequately in relationships with the opposite sex. Children should receive information about sex life from their parents, not from peers or via the Internet. At the age of 7-11, boys should already be aware of reproductive function and childbirth, the onset of puberty and the changes that await them. After 12 years of age, teenagers need to know:

• about the existence different forms sexuality;
• about sexually transmitted diseases;
• about sexual violence;
• about safe sex.

How to raise a boy to be brave

If a boy is afraid of everything from childhood, there is a high probability that with age these fears will only intensify. Parents should make a lot of effort to develop courage in their future man. To help mothers and fathers who want to see their baby fearless, here are some recommendations:

1. For confidence, cultivating masculinity and courage, a child needs harmony in the family. When mom and dad cannot come to a common opinion, the child is confused and confused.
2. You cannot praise and set other children as an example. This comparison can lead to uncertainty.
3. Guardianship and worries about your son should be shown in moderation.
4. To develop courage you need to play sports.
5. You can't call a child a coward. You need to teach your child to fight his fears, for example, with the help of a sense of humor.

How to raise a good son

Parents want to raise their son to be responsible, proactive, strong, but at the same time loving, caring and attentive. It is difficult to realize these natural desires of mom and dad, but there are several rules of upbringing that will help with this:

• support manifestations of independence, activity and other male character traits;
• be an example for your son always and in everything;
• teach your son to work from an early age;
• treat it with reasonable demands.

How to raise a boy correctly

When deciding how to raise a boy, it is important to take into account the characteristics of the child’s age. You need to start from birth, and as the baby grows up, you will have to make more and more efforts. At the right approach your efforts will be rewarded with good results. At certain stages, the role of the mother or father becomes more significant, but both parents must equally make efforts to educate.

Raising a boy from birth

In raising a child under 3 years old, gender does not matter. A child at this age spends most time with my mother, with whom my connection is very strong. Dad plays during this period minor role. Parents should behave in such a way that the baby feels safe. A baby, surrounded by the love and care of his mother, grows up confident in himself and his abilities. Experts recommend not attending kindergarten until the age of 3. Children who feel abandoned often show aggression and anxiety. To raise self-esteem, it is important to hug your child more often and punish less often.

At 3-4 years old

After 3 years, children begin to distinguish people by gender. Raising a son at this stage should take place with an emphasis on his masculine qualities - strength, dexterity, courage. Boys need to make more effort to develop speech. To improve communication skills, parents should talk and play more with their baby. For comprehensive development crumbs do not limit him when choosing games and toys. If a boy wants to play with dolls, this will not affect his social role in any way.

At 5-7 years old

At this age, raising boys differs little from the previous period. Surround your child with affection and care, give him confidence and awareness own strength. Let your baby feel safe. Remind him of important masculine qualities, allow him to show tenderness and his own emotions. Towards the end of this period, the boys move a little away from their mother and begin to get closer to their father.

At 8-10 years old

In order to properly raise a son, at the stage from 8 to 10 years old, it is important for the father to actively participate in his son’s life. It is important to form trusting relationships that will clearly manifest themselves in adolescence and adulthood. Dad should not be too strict, as the child may withdraw into himself and begin to be afraid of his father. Boys are interested in men's affairs, activities and actions of their father. Even during this period, the son may begin to defend his opinion or territory by force. Do not discourage the expression of negative emotions. Explain that you can achieve what you want using other methods.

teenager

Raising a son who has entered adolescence means instilling in him responsibility, teaching him to see the consequences of his actions, and relating desires to reality. These are the main goals that parents of a teenager should set for themselves. The role of the father is still high, but the matured child needs communication with school friends and peers. You can also receive masculine energy and become familiar with behavioral characteristics by communicating with older men close to the teenager’s family.

How to raise a hyperactive boy

When a child finds it difficult to sit in one place, he is constantly distracted, acts quickly and impulsively, and there is a high likelihood of hyperactivity. Consult child psychologist, get busy self-study question in order to properly raise such a special child. When raising a son with hyperactivity, pay attention to organizing the daily routine, find a hobby he likes, support and praise your child. It is important to show tenderness, affection and care to sons with such a problem.

How to raise a boy without a father

Single-parent families – common occurrence V modern society. Mom should not feel guilty about the current circumstances. To raise a boy to be a real man without a father, try to compensate for the absence of a second parent in life with the attention of close relatives - an uncle or grandfather. Time spent in male society will allow the child to self-identify, promote personal development, and strengthen self-confidence and his own capabilities.

Video

Male education

We live in amazing country– a country of failed men and unrealized women. IN Lately It has become fashionable to discuss the “war of the sexes”, sex issues, the demographic situation...

But somehow it is not customary for us not to be cunning, not to tailor, not to remain silent in this matter... And the situation is sad. And it is sad not because the mortality rate among the male population in the country is one of the highest in the world, not because already from the age of 33 years of life there are much fewer men than women, the essence of the catastrophe is different.

In the country, historically, since the Civil War, a situation has arisen where, due to demographic imbalance, more and more children are deprived of a male upbringing.

The country is historically overcrowded with “female” families - families where, in the complete absence of men of any kind ( father, uncle, grandfather) the family education of children is occupied exclusively by women.

In many historical societies such a situation could not have happened not only in reality, but also in nightmare dream.

For the ancient (and not ancient) peoples knew very well that a woman (no matter how wonderful she may be) is not capable of raising a true man. Only a man can raise a man.

IN different eras and at different customs the problem of male education was solved in different ways: among the most ancient people, it was customary from a certain age (from 5 or 7 years old) to separate a boy from his mother and raise him in men's team. In other societies, strict tribal customs determined which relatives were obliged to take care of the widow and raise her sons. The absence of a father in such a situation did not deprive the boy of the opportunity to receive a male upbringing - his guardian was in charge of it. In these societies it was realized that women and men different ways implementation in life, and a man deprived of male guidelines for success - and this is leadership, superiority in competition, business and professional skills, the ability to take care of his wife, their children, oh his clan, one's tribe, the ability to provide them with a certain level of prosperity, the ability to ensure their safety in the fight against strangers - one is not capable of becoming a successor to the clan.

All human history is the story of the struggle of male ambitions. Women in it entered the arena extremely rarely, in exceptional cases.

The history of struggle always ended the same way - the losing men either died or became slaves of the winners.

But the women of the vanquished, their wives and their daughters did not always share the fate of their men - alas, women, like other valuable property, go to the winner, and here the further fate of their joint children depends on both the winner and the women themselves - whether they will join These children will become full members of the victorious tribe or they will remain slaves.

History knows a variety of examples. Even out of the twelve tribes of Israel, four descend through the female line from slaves.

Probably Jews the only people in a world whose elders at one time, for the sake of saving the entire tribe, made a brilliant decision that allowed this people not only to survive in Babylonian captivity, not only to survive in all other historical cataclysms, but also to develop such national traditions family education, which allowed this once tiny people in most civilized countries to occupy the positions of decision-makers of all major political and economic decisions.

“Every child born to a Jewish mother is a Jew and must receive an appropriate upbringing” - this is the quintessence of the recipe that allowed this people to become what they became.

Those peoples who neglected the education of children, and especially men, disappeared from the historical arena.

How can one not recall an interesting biological fact - the sex of a child is determined by combinations of two chromosomes “X” and “Y”. Chromosome set“XX” is a girl, “XY” is a boy.

It turns out that historically the “U” chromosome of defeated men, who do not have the opportunity to leave behind offspring - boys - disappears from the face of the earth.

Story central Russia who survived serfdom does not present a joyful picture.

Judging by the surviving life descriptions, the idea of ​​​​building strong family, with happy, joyful relationships between its members, educating workers who create material - and, above all, family - well-being, has never been the goal of the Russian community.

Extant literary and historical sources are full of completely unattractive facts about the prevailing family cruelty.

Of course, you can try to explain this by communal ownership of land - they say, what do you want from people who do not own land...

But what determines in society itself historical character property, what determines the presence or absence of traditions of inheritance, transmission of generic information, generic experience?

What determines the presence or absence of an education system children?

Religion? - It looks like the role Orthodox Church in building a family was not significant - otherwise we, Russians of Russian (Slavic) origin, would have preserved certain traditions solutions family problems with the help of the priest's advice, but there are no such traditions.

National character?

The presence or absence of the institution of elders capable of making historically important decisions for the development of the clan, the community, and the entire people?

The ability to develop and maintain traditions of existence?

The result of our Russian historical “underdevelopment” of tribal relations, the lack of a tradition of male education - these are the reasons for the modern demographic crisis.

You can blame the October revolution for the demographic catastrophe as much as you like. civil war, famine, collectivization, repressive system, launched by the communists, the second world war, the communist regime...

Yes, the gene pool of the Russian people has been undermined - the best, the bravest, the most hard-working and precisely the men, the carriers of that very, forever lost chromosome “U”, died.

But is the loss of a larger (and even better) part of men absolutely irreplaceable for the people as a whole?

If only one Adam was needed for the appearance of six billion humanity on earth, and all twelve tribes of Israel go back to one man - Jacob, then is the situation with men in Russia so bad and unchangeable?

Didn't men in other countries die as a result of wars and revolutions?

Wasn't there a demographic problem in post-Napoleonic France? In post-war Germany?

Let's remember the history of the white population of Australia - criminals, convicts, prostitutes were exiled to this British colony...

Probably next to this one historical fact The post-war situation in our country no longer looks so hopeless. Probably, our current demographic situation and the state of our gene pool are not so terrifying as to put an end to ourselves as a nation.

Historically, the ability of a people not only to survive, but also to play a significant role historical role, determines the ability of the people in critical and crisis situations to self-organize, unite, create a system to counteract danger, a survival system, a development system, a system of reasonable justified competition

In the beginning there was a word...

A nation that has no word - no national idea- doomed to extinction.

The national idea must be developed... by men. In other words, statesmen. If there is no such national idea, any program, including demographic ones, is nothing more than nonsense... The delirium of a gray animal, you know which one...

The result of our Russian inability to organize ourselves is what we are seeing now:

- decay family relations(53% of marriages end in divorce),

— premature extinction and degradation Russian men (average age life -58 years),

- forced masculinization of women (I am a cow, I am a bull, I am both a woman and a man),

- the highest percentage of homeless children deprived of a family (higher than in the post-revolutionary and post-war times!),

- complete chaos of human relations, happening in the purely male fiefdom of society - in Russian army(this is an example of the ability of Russian men to “self-organize” life!),

— Washing out in all significant areas of life (in business, in production, in politics, in science, in public life) of men of Russian origin.

Alas! It should be recognized that our Russian, Russian, Slavic men, raised in most cases by mothers with unsuccessful personal destinies, our men who did not see normal worthy fathers in front of them, were deprived of male education, did not have the financial, moral, political support of the clan (which is especially characteristic of people from the Caucasus and Muslim peoples), in all spheres of life they are actively crowded out by other men.

And they don’t just push back - they win the competition using any permitted or unauthorized methods.

We live in an era of the absence of a national idea. The historical experience of our ancestors is sad and does not provide any prospects - it is the experience of hunger, betrayal, defeat, powerlessness, humiliation, complete dependence on external circumstances.

Even greatest victory in the Second World War did not become a source for us spiritual growth and national revival.

The only material thing that our ancestors were able to leave us as a legacy was pitiful meters. communal apartments, because the richest mineral resources of our land were “grabbed” by other people.

But our ancestors left us something more important - life itself.

And now, first of all, it will depend on us and our government men how Russia will live, and which “U” chromosomes will multiply in our country and rule our country.

In almost every family, the man is first and foremost the breadwinner. And he participates in raising a child only occasionally, and then mainly when it comes to discipline or financial issues. And more often when you have to punish a child.

Thus, dad looks very strict in the eyes of the baby. But you probably want to have more friendly relations? Let's look at how to do this.

Usually, fathers, looking at small children, often dream that the child will grow up faster, learn to walk, play, talk... So that we can communicate normally. But when this moment arrives, you are surprised to find that mutual language It's hard enough.

And all because when the baby was very small, you didn’t hold him in your arms much, talked to him and, probably, felt relieved when you gave him to his mother. It turns out that mom and baby have constant physical contact, and dad only watches. But such a distance allows the baby to determine from his father’s reaction whether this or that action can be done or not. And therefore, male education often comes down to prohibiting or allowing.

According to some observations, a child who was raised by his father in the first year of life and took part in caring for him is more sociable, adequate and less afraid strangers. Therefore, there is no need to distance yourself from raising your baby during this period.

Male education should begin from birth. And there is no need to put it off for the future. Here are some tips to show you where to start:

1. Be involved in your child's care. This will allow you to get used to it.

2. Soothe your baby if he cries, together with your spouse. This will certainly add confidence to you when communicating with him.

3. It usually takes dads time to understand that they love their child. Try to develop your love. Take him in your arms more often, see how cute, smart he is...

4. Spend the weekend with your family.

5. Stay alone with the baby. For example, go for a walk. This will allow you to get closer and understand each other better.

Try to objectively evaluate your actions. You can do a simple test to do this.

Divide a sheet of paper in half. On one side write down all the times you scolded your baby during the day, and on the other side write down all the times you praised your child. And count what happened. Usually there are more lines in the first half of the sheet. This is how the opinion develops that male education comes down only to punishment.

Of course, father's prohibitions are simply necessary, but they must be combined with love and care for the child. Then they will be much more effective. Try to become good friends. Then the baby will want to follow your example, and you will have much less reasons for prohibitions and punishments. Try to constantly be nearby and, if necessary, correct the baby’s behavior. Then male education will become truly effective.

Lack of male education in a boy

There is male education. In essence, this is upbringing (the woman looks after the child more). A mother is not needed for education. The mother is needed to care. ...Of course, all this is simplified. In fact, the mother also raises, but it’s a different kind of upbringing.

You don't have to go far to understand this. Take our website, for example. Guys often write to me who need help solving their personal problems. And much more often it’s the guys who grew up in non-residents who apply. two-parent families. They more often have problems communicating with others and communicating with girls, both in seduction and in LTE.

By the way, I have statistics (which I have already presented on the forums) on the difference between guys who received a male (father's) upbringing and those who did not. So, according to scientists’ calculations, in families where there is no father, than in families where there is a father, children:

* 35 times more likely to run away from home

*5 times more likely to commit suicide

*20 times more likely to have behavior problems

* boys are 14 times more likely to commit rape

* 5 times more likely to leave school without completing their studies

* 10 times more likely to become drug addicts

* 9 times more likely to end up in poverty

* 15 times more likely to end up in prison

Any psychologist will certainly confirm to you that an incomplete family in which one of the parents is missing is a risk factor. Why does the absence of a father in the family make upbringing in the family incomplete? Why can't a mother replace a father? Obviously, there is some difference between paternal and maternal education. Otherwise, guys who grew up without a father would not stand out among their peers. But they are different. Guys who grew up without a father are less responsible, less diligent and attentive, asocial, more selfish, do not know how to overcome difficulties, and in general their behavior is more like a spoiled woman than a man. What's the matter?

In a patriarchal society, a father's love is different from a mother's, and psychologists say that a child needs BOTH. The paternal one sets conditions and is demanding. Maternal is unconditional, embraces the child, no matter how he behaves. The lack of one of these two types of love disfigures the future personality.

A simple example. Parable of the Prodigal Son. This parable is usually perceived as the bitter truth about man and the sweet truth about God, who opens His arms to the repentant sinner. However, let us imagine that prodigal son returns home, where his mother is waiting for him. Then the story immediately loses tension: it’s clear that the mother will forgive, here no one will be embarrassed, hide among the servants. The father, unlike the mother, embodies the union of mercy with justice, the union for the sake of the future of his own son. In order for him to feel like a full-fledged person, and not a baby, a person must know that he can be rejected - and his father can reject him.

Why can't a woman raise a boy to be a man? Yes because SHE IS NOT A MAN. She can wear trousers, smoke, swear like the last man, have a career, but this is not enough to be a man. A woman's principle of life is NOT A MAN'S. A woman is NOT ASHAMED “not to provide for her family”, “not to be responsible for her words”, not ashamed to “use the fruits of the labor of another” (men) and “try to pay as little as possible for these fruits”. A woman would rather give up in the face of difficulties, blame fate, cry into her vest, but will not overcome the obstacle. But she can stupidly “stick her horn”, start hysterical and stamp her feet if some whim comes into her head. And then you even tease her with a stake on her head - she won’t agree and won’t calm down. But both capitulation to difficulties and whims are of the same nature. Lack of inner core, lack of will, irresponsibility, spinelessness, cowardice, infantilism - these are signs of a lack of male education.

Is there some more a big problem is that a single mother, raising her son, unconsciously tries to take revenge on him, ex-husband, and at the same time to all men combined. First, they try to raise some semblance of a poor guy masculine ideal, the way women understand him: i.e. a “knight” who will be obedient and dutiful, who, at a woman’s first request, will rush to fulfill her wishes and whims, who will have no shortcomings in women’s eyes, and at the same time will forgive any shortcomings on the part of a woman. The mother seriously believes that in this way she is raising a real man. In reality, she is raising a spineless henpecked man who best case scenario trying to become ideal, and realizing that living up to the ideal female performance It’s basically impossible to talk about a man; he’ll just give up and go with the flow. A weak-willed henpecked guy - at best. An aggressive hysteric, with frayed nerves and a lack of human concepts - at worst.

And then such a boy is put under pressure and poked at all his life. They are trying to force him to behave perfectly. Literally walk on a wire all your life. And if anything goes wrong, a hysteria immediately begins: “You’re a freak, you don’t love me, you don’t listen to me,” etc. Such a boy receives neither male education nor maternal affection. The result is usually sad.

Results:

So let's summarize.

1. Boys who grew up without a father are more problematic.

2. Male and female education are different from each other. The mother in the family plays the role of a talisman for the child (wipe away snot, feed him porridge, pat him on the head). The father shapes the child's personality (set an example, evaluate - punish or praise, help, teach).

3. A child needs BOTH types of parenting. The absence of maternal affection or paternal example leads to incorrect formation of the child's personality (future adult). It cannot be said that male upbringing will replace maternal upbringing, or that a mother can replace a father. Both types of parenting are unique and too different to be replicated by one person. If the mother sets out to replace the father, or the father tries to be a mother to the child, then it will turn out... nothing will work out. In this case, the child will most likely be deprived of both the first and second.

4. In a complete family, from childhood, a child receives examples of the relationship between father and mother, between husband and wife, between man and woman. A child raised in single-parent family, and who has not received such examples, will most likely be both a useless father (mother) and a bad husband (wife). This is especially bad for girls. Girls who grew up without male upbringing are, as a rule, extremely selfish in their own family. They cannot be a mother and a wife. In a family they can only be an adult child. And a spoiled child at that. That's why I always say that marrying a girl who grew up without a father is a rather risky undertaking.

Source: http://soblaznenie. com/index. php? module = forum & findmes =91555

Summary: Male education. The role of the father in raising his son. Raising a man from a son. Male character. A man's world social relations. Transfer of forms from father to son male behavior. Father as a model of relationships with the opposite sex.

The father as a guide to the world of social relations.

In manifestations parental love fathers are different from mothers. In most cases, a mother loves her child unconsciously, her love seems to be genetically programmed. A father's love is always objective. The father traditionally connects his love with the successes and achievements of the child. Thus, literally from the first years of life, the father demonstrates and instills in the child a value-based attitude towards himself, towards the world, and towards the life situation. This is especially evident in the process of raising a boy. By introducing his son to the system of values, the father introduces him to the world of social relations, where a person’s assessment of himself, his successes and achievements is largely formed under the influence of the assessments of others. In fact, based on an evaluative approach to his son, his opinions, decisions, actions, the father consciously or unconsciously teaches the boy to see himself and his actions from the outside, correlating them with a certain system of social assessments, with the criteria for the acceptability of certain actions in a particular situations. It is no coincidence that in everyday consciousness there is a system of double standards in relation to the behavior of boys and girls. Often, not only from his father, but also from his mother, a boy hears: “Be a man!”, “Why did you cry like a girl!”, “Be patient, you’re a man!”, “Look at dad!” etc. Thus, almost from the first days of life, the child begins to assimilate a set of certain social standards that the boy must meet.

The mention of the father in this context is not accidental, because it is the father who introduces his son into the world of social relations. With his behavior, his attitude towards the world and towards the people around him, the father provides his son with an initial model and for a long time, perhaps his son’s entire life, is a direct example for him to follow. The relationship between a son and his father, no matter what areas they concern and no matter what form they appear in, is always socially oriented. This desire to adapt the boy to the wider world is even more clearly manifested in direct communication between father and son. Conversations between father and son, joint games and hobbies - all this has a clear social connotation. In all forms of communication, the father, based on his experience, teaches his son to act effectively in certain life situations, and act as befits a man, in accordance with accepted standards behavior. This process of learning to live is diverse and multifaceted. It includes the development of self-control skills, the ability to interact with people, applied skills associated with performing practical actions (using tools and various works housework, repairing technical devices, etc.), specific “male” hobbies (hunting, fishing, attending sports competitions).

Such educational influences shape the boy as a representative male subculture, give him knowledge about the distribution of roles and responsibilities between the sexes, create the direction of his interests and ways of realizing them, consistent with generally accepted ideas about what a boy should be interested in and do. That is why most fathers have an extremely negative attitude towards their son’s manifestations of inappropriate, from their point of view, games, hobbies and interests: playing with dolls, using female images V role playing games, close monitoring of fashion, increased interest in one’s own appearance, etc. Fathers may also be irritated by their son’s lack of interest in technology, crafts, etc. Such negative emotions are quite understandable: in this situation, the father, at some subconscious level, feels that he is not coping with the function that he must perform - to prepare his son for life in a society where the parameters of a man’s perception are predetermined.

That's why from the very early years The child's father must participate in the process of raising him. In ordinary consciousness, there is an opinion that in early childhood the child belongs entirely to the mother, and the father begins to raise the already grown-up baby. This approach is dangerous because the boy’s areas of interest and his behavior patterns will be overly susceptible to maternal influence. In the absence of the father's balancing educational influence, this can lead to socially undesirable deformations of the child's interests, hobbies and behavior. Only under the direct guidance of his father, seeing before him a clear example of a male approach to solving life problems, the boy will be able to develop and realize himself as a man - in accordance with the expectations of society.

Grafting is purely male forms behavior occurs not only through teaching a child some skills or demonstrating a model of behavior to him, but also through a live broadcast of the system life values and views on life from father to son. Special role here are conversations between father and son on a wide range of problems - both universal, “philosophical” ones, and those affecting the sphere of men’s interests (decision making and actions in difficult life situations, organizing leisure time, attitude towards opposite sex, sex life etc.).

It is very difficult for a boy, a growing man, to decide on his own which model of action reflects masculine traits. In this case, the father sets the most effective example, in comparison with which or focusing on him, the son will determine his own behavior. In transmitting to his son the forms and methods of implementing masculine behavior, the father is obliged to take on the functions of a mediating link that would meet the requirements of society, on the one hand, and would correspond to the father’s personal ideas about the ideal of masculine behavior, on the other. This complex influence shapes the boy as a representative of the male community.

Thus, it is on the shoulders of the father that this difficult, responsible, but honorable duty is entrusted - to introduce his son into the world of social relations, to teach him to respond like a man to the challenges that life throws, to help him express and realize himself as a man. This is one of the main functions of a father in raising a boy - but not the only one.

The father as a model of relationships with the opposite sex and sexuality.

Another extremely important function of the father is organizing the boy’s sexual education. For the son, the father is the primary source of, if not direct, then indirect information about gender relations. It is in the family, observing the relationship between father and mother, that the boy gains his first experience of relating to the opposite sex. The father here acts as a model of male behavior, which at first will be unconsciously copied by the son in almost all situations related to communication with the opposite sex.

From 3 to 5 years of age each little man experiences the so-called Oedipus complex - the desire to concentrate the mother's love and attention on himself, while the father is seen as a rival in the fight for this love, which awakens negative emotions in the child towards him. This situation can be considered as one of the stages of a child’s psychosexual development, at which he, using the behavioral means available to him, first declares his gender and actively demonstrates it.

From a psychological point of view, there is nothing unnatural in this, but for many fathers this behavior of their son comes as an unexpected and unpleasant surprise. And this is quite understandable, because opposition to the father can take the most various shapes- from the desire to constantly be with the mother and limit her communication with the father to open manifestations of verbal and non-verbal aggression. This behavior of a son seems unreasonable and inexplicable to most fathers: an affectionate and obedient son suddenly becomes uncontrollable and aggressive. However, there is no point in overdramatizing events - all this is temporary. Usually, by the age of 5-6 years, the Oedipus complex is resolved through the formation of stable traits of gender-role behavior inherent in a man, and the acceptance of the father as the main object to be followed.

However, it should be noted that effective resolution of the Oedipus complex, as well as the normal development of sexual identification in general, is possible only if active participation father in the boy's life. The absence of a father as an example of male gender role behavior can have far-reaching consequences for a boy, ranging from problems establishing relationships with representatives of the opposite sex to sexual disorientation and sexual problems.

Is a father really that important?

To summarize, we can conclude that the roles and functions of the father in raising a boy come down to two main responsibilities that are extremely important for him (the boy) future life.

The father introduces the child to the world of social relations, teaches him to adequately perceive and evaluate himself and others, and contributes to the formation of his son as a representative of the male subculture. All this determines personal and social development boy.

The father helps his son understand himself as a man, which predetermines normal mental development boy and prevents problems in gender relations.

A man’s non-participation in performing these most important functions can be a source of a wide variety of problems in a boy’s life:

He may become an outcast among his peers, acquiring the label " mama's boy", only because before his eyes there was no example of masculine behavior, a masculine way of solving life's problems;

A boy can become the subject of ridicule due to ignorance of any realities of the male subculture;

His communication with representatives of the opposite sex can also be burdened by a large number of problems due to the inability to make contacts and build a system of relationships.

The roots of all these difficulties usually lie in the fact that at appropriate moments in the development of his son, the father did not pay the necessary attention to his upbringing, considered a simple sincere conversation with his son unnecessary, or, as most often happens, there was simply not enough time for this. IN modern world fathers of families often see their duty as ensuring the material well-being of the family - and this in no way can be considered incorrect. The problem is that the father’s role in the family, especially in raising a boy, is not limited to this. The lack of material resources is perceived very painfully, but the lack of paternal upbringing can simply have catastrophic consequences for the boy’s future life. That is why, despite all the difficulties and adversities, a loving father must remember that the happiness of his son depends not so much on the material resources that the father invested in his child, but on how effectively he, the father, coped with his educational functions.