What is a word picture? Artistic possibilities of speech

Every parent is familiar with children's hysteria: some observe it less often, others much more often. This behavior of a child is a real test for mothers, fathers, grandparents. Especially if the scandal occurs in public place, and people have to watch this unpleasant picture. But in fact, quite often 2 years is a turning point.

The age from one to three years is different in that huge changes occur in the baby’s life: he gains new knowledge, learns to speak, understands everything and can do a lot. But despite this, some things remain inaccessible to the child, and he cannot get them on his own. Therefore, every refusal is perceived very sharply and painfully, and the baby shows emotions through hysterics.

During this period, the child can be overly stubborn and do everything the opposite, and his character becomes simply unrecognizable: from obedient and good baby he turns into a crying whim.

Tantrums are a stage of child development

Child psychologists came to this conclusion. Children learn self-control, but at 2 years old it is difficult for a child to restrain his anger and aggression, and he is not yet able to express feelings in words. After three years, when the baby learns to express his emotions verbally, hysterics should subside.

Sometimes parents complain that the child is capricious and makes scandals only in the presence of the parents. This may be due to the fact that the baby is testing the boundaries of what is permitted, but at the same time is not ready to demonstrate his feelings to those people whom he does not trust.

Hysterics can be caused by elementary little things that are almost impossible to predict. But psychologists identify a number of factors that provoke children's tantrums.

Anxiety or illness

A small child cannot always show what exactly hurts him. And even more so, he doesn’t know how to explain to an adult that he doesn’t feel well. Parents should be vigilant and watch the baby. Signs of illness may include decreased appetite, excessive excitability, or crying for no apparent reason.

Naturally, a sick child becomes the center of the family, so even after recovery he may require the same attention. If the parents are sure that the baby feels good and is absolutely healthy, then such manipulations must be “extinguished” and not succumb.

Fight for attention

Often, due to lack of parental attention, 2 years is a difficult period. To solve the problem, it is first necessary to determine whether these claims are justified. Perhaps these are not just whims, and the baby really considers himself deprived and lonely.

The main task of parents is to find the line when satisfaction of needs ends and selfishness begins. If the baby is crying and trying to attract attention, but adults are always next to him anyway, you should not follow the lead of the little commander at the first cry.

Get what you want

Often, due to the fact that it is impossible to get what they want, the child has tantrums. 2 years is a period when the baby wants to get what he wants by any means. This could be a toy you like, or a reluctance to leave the playground, or something else that you should definitely get “here and now.”

Parental prohibitions are not always clear to the child, and at times it is very difficult to convey the essence to the child due to his age. Now there are many temptations for him that are incredibly difficult for him to fight. Therefore, parents should not deliberately tempt their child. It is better to remove from his field of vision all objects that he might like and not take him with you to outlets with children's assortment and sweets.

Don’t think that the child is still too young and doesn’t understand anything. Children's tantrums are a way to test the boundaries of what is permitted and test parents' resistance to stress. Therefore, it is necessary to be consistent and unwavering so that the child understands that the ban will not be lifted. Contradictory actions confuse the child and encourage him to come up with new challenges for adults.

You need to talk to the baby as equals and explain to him why his desire cannot be fulfilled now. Over time, the child will understand that the parent’s “no” cannot be challenged, and whims in this case are useless.

Authoritarian parenting style and children's self-affirmation

In most cases, a child throws tantrums if he tries to protest to his parents. Perhaps authoritarian parenting does not allow the child to express himself, so he rebels. Don't forget that children are people too, and they need a certain amount of freedom.

The parents' enthusiastic attitude towards the child leads to the fact that the child becomes gentle with himself, but is absolutely intolerant of others. Lack of constant attention causes a storm in a child negative emotions who find their way out in hysterics.

In order for children to develop harmoniously, adults must maintain the right balance of care and freedom. When a child is sure that his opinion is valued and respected, it will be easier for him to accept prohibitions.

Whims for no reason

Sometimes children have tantrums for no reason. 2 years is the age when the baby cannot explain why he was upset. To understand the situation, parents must analyze latest events. Perhaps there is a tense situation in the family or the baby simply did not get enough sleep. All people have different characters and individual characteristics, so all children react to what is happening in their own way.

How to avoid tantrums?

Parents with a 2-year-old child know that tantrums cannot be completely avoided, but steps can be taken to reduce the consequences.

• The baby should get a good night's sleep.
• It is necessary to follow a daily routine.
• You should not plan the day so that the child receives a large number of new impressions. If this is unavoidable, then you should make sure that there is something to entertain the baby.
• We need to teach children to express their feelings. It is necessary to gently tell them how to do it correctly and help them choose their words.
• If possible, the child should be given the right to choose, at least in those matters that are not fundamental.
• All changes in the daily routine must be warned in advance, for example, five minutes before lunch, the baby must be informed that he will soon eat.

If the hysteria has already begun...

Many parents wonder: a child is hysterical - what to do? First of all, you need to remember that you cannot threaten your child with punishment if he is hysterical. In this case, the child will accumulate aggression and resentment, which destroy his psychological health and provoke new scandals. Adults should act calmly and confidently, expressing understanding. Over time, children learn to control their emotions and monitor their behavior.

But you shouldn’t cajole and encourage your child in every possible way just to make him calm down. This will give him confidence that this is how he can behave in order to get what he wants. There is no need to explain anything to the baby at the moment of screaming and crying; he is unlikely to assimilate the words addressed to him. It's better to wait until he calms down.

If a child often experiences tantrums, Komarovsky advises parents to learn to say “no.” The decision made cannot be changed or softened so that the child does not begin to manipulate adults. Indulging in children's whims will lead to the loss of the boundaries of what is permitted, so the baby will look for them with new tenacity.

Until the child calms down, you need to speak quietly but firmly. You should justify your position and give reasons that will be understandable to a child at his age.

Finding compromises

In the case when a child wakes up hysterical, you should make sure that his sleep was complete and long enough. Perhaps you should put him to bed a little earlier. But such behavior can be observed due to an excitable nervous system and individual characteristics baby. Parents can try to make the morning more pleasant and calm by allowing the child to decide for himself what to eat for breakfast: unloved porridge or delicious cottage cheese. Sometimes compromises work wonders, and the child learns to negotiate and give in.

Tantrums in a 5-year-old child are one of the most unpleasant moments for parents. Psychologists say that children do not throw tantrums just because they are tired of being good or they want to manipulate adults. Often, screams indicate anger and dissatisfaction in the child. Since they cannot properly explain and tell what they don't like, they start screaming.

To understand how, you need to learn to keep a calm spirit and understand what is bothering him.

It is important for parents to realize that at the age of 5 there comes a crisis period in life, when they withdraw into themselves.

During the crisis period of five years, a child can:

• withdraw into yourself, be less talkative, stop sharing your joys and victories with your parents;
• become unsure of yourself, afraid of new things, look scared;
• become irritated and angry, behave rudely with elders and even peers;
• throw tantrums for no particular reason, cry for a long time;
• copy the behavior of your parents, imitate situations from life;
• stand up for your rights, demand more freedom, talk about independence.

If the child is developing correctly, then he can talk about his immediate needs. He begins to closely observe adults, listen to what they are talking about, and wants to be among the crowd. Little children want to be like adults and copy their behavior so that they are also considered big.

Children's brains are already well developed and they learn to exercise self-control by controlling their emotions and feelings. During this period, preschoolers have a particularly developed imagination, they love to fantasize, and form their own personal idea of ​​the world around them. They are attracted by everything that is happening around them, they begin to tell fictitious stories of their own.

At the age of 4-5 years, communication with other people and peers takes an important place in a child’s life. If there is no way to talk to someone or it is difficult to win the favor of others, then the child may feel loneliness. This becomes one of the causes of the crisis, which ultimately leads to hysterics and whims.

Work on qualities

In order to successfully deal with a child’s tantrums, you need to identify the following qualities:

• understanding;
• calm;
• patience;
• Love.

It is important to understand that a child cannot be called an adult, only in miniature form. This is an emerging personality who cannot yet fully control himself, his emotions and is able to react sharply to unseen circumstances and troubles. Therefore, parents need to try to put themselves in the child’s place and look at the situation through his eyes.

If a parent forbids something, you must keep your word. In addition, it is very important that in such matters the spouses are like-minded, work as a team, and their opinions on punishment do not differ.

If a 4-year-old child experiences tantrums, you should remain calm and not lose your composure yourself. As far as possible, parents should not pay attention to children's antics and screams, but continue to go about their business. You should remind yourself of the reason for the hysteria, then it will be easier to cope with them and control yourself.

In the case of children's tantrums, it is important for parents to be patient. You should not expect that they will stop immediately, especially if the child notices that. Only a correct and consistent reaction can stop whims and hysterics.

You can try the following methods:

• When a child begins to scream and be capricious, then, if possible, you should pick him up and, without harming him, wait until he calms down. It is important to prevent him from throwing objects and kicking. At the same time, remain calm and do not shout. As a result, the child will see that his actions are ineffective.
• If a hysterical attack begins, you can take the child to an empty room, leave him there and explain that he can leave only after he calms down.
• When hysterical in public, parents should immediately take the capricious child out of sight of others. You can’t follow his lead just because he put on a show. This will add fuel to the fire and convince him that by throwing a tantrum in this way, he can easily achieve his goals.

Educational process

Educational measures are often expressed in. They teach children to be obedient and develop self-control. When admonishing, you should not go too far and be too harsh.

The requirements that are put forward to children must be clear and consistent so that the child understands what exactly is expected of him and does not want to change anything. Many parents note that you should not set too many rules. It is important that the child understands one of the important points that any case of disobedience leads to punishment.

You should express your demands in the form of statements. For example, instead of asking if he could tidy up his room, you need to clearly tell him to put things in order where he has scattered his toys. The politeness of parents in this matter is somewhat inappropriate, since such a question gives children the opportunity to analyze the pros and cons and choose the best option for them. You cannot let power out of your hands.

Sometimes it is difficult for parents to determine whether a four-year-old child listens attentively and how clearly he understands their words. Therefore, it is important not to forget about repetition. Key ideas should be repeated several times, including gestures and choosing the right tone of voice.

In a family with several small children, punishments may differ from each other, especially if there is a child who is 5 years old and is going through a crisis stage in life. In some situations, only a stern look is enough, but for other children, specific actions must be taken.

Consistency and determination

When parents say that their child does not understand the word “no,” then first of all they need to think about themselves. After all, most often the problem is hidden not in the child himself and in the fact that he did not like something, but in the fact that the parents cannot properly prohibit and do not express strength of character.

Young children can instantly see any, even the slightest, inconsistency in the actions of their parents.

Sometimes children may ask for an opinion on the same issue at the same time, but approach it differently. Or, knowing that parents may differ in their opinions, they ask around from both sides, then find a loophole and use it to their advantage. Therefore, you must act decisively. If a parent forbids something, you must keep your word. In addition, it is very important that in such matters the spouses are like-minded, work as a team, and their opinions on punishment do not differ.

One of the parents should not cancel the punishment and prohibitions of the other. Even if spouses do not agree with each other, this should be clarified in private, without being made public. Children instantly see when their parents disagree and immediately draw conclusions for themselves.

If, after disobedience, the parents promised to take educational measures, then this is what should be done. At the same time, it must be made clear that if they do not allow bad behavior today, then such behavior is unacceptable at all.

There is no need to allow a situation when a child at five years old begins to argue, enter into a discussion, asking for an explanation of why this particular punishment, and not something easier. Children's tantrums can occur in situations where children believe that adults simply have no choice and will be able to give in, for example, if they are surrounded by other people. But a clear and firm “no” will make it clear that parents do not give in to constant whining.

You should not take educational measures based on your mood. A good and joyful spirit is not a reason to ignore the bad deeds of your child, and if you are in a bad mood, you should not break down and severely punish. As a result of such inconsistency in requirements, the child may think that all decisions are made depending on their mood. This leads to the child beginning to behave even worse.

One wise book You are encouraged to stick to your words, so that any “yes” means “yes” and any “no” means “no.” This also applies to promises to buy something, give something or fulfill a wish for your baby. Then children will learn to trust the words of their parents.

If you don’t give in to slack and don’t give in to the child’s whims, the next time he won’t want to throw such tantrums, because he will see his strength of spirit and understand that he won’t be able to achieve anything with his screams.

What is important for parents to do

When children have tantrums, adults often simply do not know what to do. To achieve positive results, you need to follow a few rules.

The first thing to do is to find out the cause of the screams:

• the desire to seem like an adult and the ineffectiveness of actions;
• attempts to learn to manage your emotions;
• understanding the differences between girls and boys;
• children's ideas and fantasies that differ from the reality of life.

Once parents have identified the source of the problem, they try to adhere to the following rules:

• Spend more time with your child: spend leisure time together, do household chores, communicate, ask about business, tell interesting points About Me. It is important to listen to the boy or girl, their opinion, to accept the desire to help so that the child feels needed.
• You should always explain your actions to your child simply and clearly. For example, why do you need to go to bed on time, why can’t you buy everything in a store, etc.
• In this case, you need to talk with the child about the fact that such actions are unacceptable.

During conversations, the baby needs to feel that he is being spoken to as an equal and that the parents have serious intentions. When spending leisure time, participating in joint games, it is advisable to imagine yourself as a small child. It is important to try to give him more freedom so that he leads the game process. It is also necessary to give the child some adult responsibilities and teach them to perform them responsibly.

When the baby can cope on his own and does not require help, then it is better not to disturb him. He should not be prohibited from performing difficult tasks, because this will help him understand that he was wrong, and next time listen to the words of adults. Children need support and praise. If you turn a blind eye to whims, inept imitation of adults and antics, and do not focus your attention on this, then over time the child will simply get tired of doing this.

Every parent inevitably encounters a loss of self-control in their child. Falling into extreme excitement, the baby tries to defend its position, which puts adults in a difficult situation. Tantrums in a 2 year old child - normal phenomenon, to which you need to learn to react correctly. Many parents, when faced with a loss of self-control, become confused and make mistakes. This only aggravates the deviations in the child’s behavior; he begins to manipulate those close to him. The impact of hysterics can continue for several years.

Many adults believe that the baby screams and cries for any reason. This is far from true; in most cases, extreme excitement is caused by:

By the age of three, most parents know what situations may relate to manifestations of character. You should not change your life in order to avoid the manifestation of emotions; you need to learn to negotiate with your child and forbid him. This important stage socialization that should not be missed.

Main differences from whims

Hysteria is an uncontrollable manifestation of emotions for any reason. A 2-year-old child begins to show aggression towards himself and others during an attack. He tears out his hair, twists his limbs, scratches his face, and tries to hit his head on the floor or wall. A common symptom of this condition is “hysterical bridge”. It is a type of cramp in which the body turns into an arc.

Most psychologists do not distinguish between the concepts of “hysteria” and “whim”, since they are often interrelated. The baby begins to be capricious, and then simply cannot stop due to the immaturity of his nervous system.

Quite often, real hysteria is preceded by whims. They start deliberately. Typical situations: it’s raining or hot outside, and the baby demands to go for a walk, the child demands candy that is not at home. The symptoms of whims are the same as those of a hysterical attack: screaming, crying, stamping your foot, throwing toys, trying to hit your parents or yourself.

Hysterical attack: stages

Hysteria is complicated by the fact that, unlike whims, the child does not make any demands. The baby experiences the attack as follows:

1. It all starts with a cry, from which it is impossible to understand what the child requires. At this stage it is impossible to find out what caused the excitement.
2. The main symptoms of an emotional “explosion” appear at the stage of motor excitement. The baby does not feel pain and can demonstrate considerable strength. Sometimes his actions are accompanied by single cries, with the help of which you can understand what is required from the parents. This is observed only in cases where the cause of crying was a whim.
3. The hysteria ends with sobs. If in the first and second stages the little one did not receive consolation, then he will sob for a long time.

Psychologists say that children who have not fully mastered speech often show emotions. They feel helpless because they cannot defend their position, and use the only available method. At 2 years old, expressing your feelings through tantrums is normal; by 3 years old this should pass.

Night tantrums are not uncommon in a 2-year-old child. In this case, they arise unconsciously, against the background of experiences of the day and hysterical excitement. They go through sleep, and you need to calm the baby already at the first stage - after the cry. If you approach the baby in a timely manner, the seizure will not develop further.

The cause of night tantrums is often overexcitement in evening time. Remove all irritating factors that may contribute to them: do not invite guests during this time, do not turn on the TV loudly, do not arrange large feasts with your family. Following a daily routine and daily evening rituals will gently prepare your baby for bed.

Typical mistakes of parents

Parents feel helpless if a 2-year-old child has a tantrum - they don’t know what to do and act intuitively. This may cause emotions to be expressed more often. Once receiving encouragement during an unconscious hysteria, the baby understands that this method can be used to influence adults. He achieves everything by shouting and waiting for concessions.

Most adults predictably react to an “explosion” of emotions and make the following mistakes:

1. Pacifying the baby. To quickly stop the hysteria, they begin to offer him toys, candies and treats. This does not lead to a reduction in the number of whims, but only to an increase in the baby’s needs. He begins to perceive any prohibition painfully.
2. Threats and physical violence are not appropriate methods. The scream of adults and their harsh voice can only cause new wave crying and fear. Often parents cannot cope with their emotions and behave in the same way as the baby. This leads to nervous system the child becomes more unsteady.

Children raised in an atmosphere of control and cruelty often express their attitude towards educational process parents. To form a harmonious personality, you need to be able to use punishment in doses.

Dr. Komarovsky has told us more than once how to respond to a child’s tantrums. He believes that before calming the baby, adults themselves should come to a state of peace of mind. This is very difficult if the seizure happened in a public place. Try to hug and calm the child, but do not follow his lead. Don't lose your composure and remember that you are an adult. After the crying has stopped, discuss the situation in calm and understandable words.

From an early age, a child must be taught to accept the word “no.” All close relatives need to be involved in this stage of upbringing. Often mothers and fathers forbid the baby to eat sweets, but grandmothers feed the child with them, not paying attention to the established restriction. It is tedious to stop such situations, otherwise the child will remember for the rest of his life that any parental prohibition can be protested by the grandmother or any other relative.

Prohibitions and punishments should not affect your relationship with your baby. Many parents believe that boundaries have a negative impact on trust, but this is not true. Set only reasonable prohibitions and explain them to your child.

From the age of one, children need to be educated. During this period, the child begins to learn about the world and himself. He learns to get what he wants from his parents by any means necessary. A psychologist's advice will help you cope with frequent hysterics:

Find time to spend time together with your children. An important part of the education process is communication. There are several psychological techniques to cope with hysterics. Apply the listed advice from psychologists to deal with hysterics methodically. They will not help right away, but by the age of 3 your child will begin to behave much better.

Flexibility and changing boundaries

The fight against emotional breakdowns must begin before they occur. Let's look at a typical situation: the baby does not tolerate restrictions on movement, and you have a journey ahead of you. Before flying on an airplane, simulate scenarios for this event. Explain that you need to sit buckled up in the cabin, like any adult. Have preparatory conversations several times before your travel date.

If a hysterical attack could not be avoided, remember the rules on how to deal with it. In a calm voice Remind your child of the agreements, turn his attention to what responsible role you have assigned him. In the situation described, you will use a categorical prohibition; it is inappropriate to show flexibility here. If your child is stubborn, then shift your responsibility for him to the flight attendant, who prohibits him from running around the cabin.

Ability to negotiate and be flexible important element education. Typical situation: the baby demands cartoons. Let him push the boundaries: allow him to watch 2-3 episodes. If after two cartoons he refuses to stop watching, agree that you will allow him to watch his favorite character again, but later (after sleep or a walk).

A child most often experiences tantrums from one year of age, when the child begins to show his first attempts at independence (passion for research, curiosity). In infancy, a child focuses only on his needs (for food, warmth, communication), and as he gets older, he acquires desires as more conscious needs. But the perception of time at this age is still imperfect, because if some desire arises, the baby stubbornly strives to fulfill it immediately. This is precisely one of the reasons for the so-called crisis of the first year. Gradually getting accustomed to the fact that desires may not be satisfied immediately, but then, the child develops a sense of time and volitional processes, that is, the regulatory function of the psyche.

We can say that everyone experiences violent tantrums in the early stages of the crisis of the first year. But the strength, frequency of hysterics in a child, the variety of reasons depend on the temperament of the child and the adults around him. But only some people have them at an older age.

Of course, many can say that even among adults (especially women) there are many who are capable of reacting hysterically to something. But these emotional disorders are “rudimentary” remnants of the crisis of the first year, or, as modern psychoanalysts believe, an indicator (and cause) of trouble in personal life.

A child has a tantrum: What to do?

When the dad in the first example got off the trolleybus, I could only guess what he would do next. Select options:

A) will free himself from the annoying glances and advice of passengers in a crowded transport and give his son a good spanking, so that next time it will not be common practice to “disgrace his father”;

B) will defiantly throw the “hysterical object” (yogurt) into the trash can and warn (quite calmly): “If you don’t stop, you’ll never get anything else!”

C) will leave the child at the bus stop and step aside, waiting “for this to end,” while, for example, reading a newspaper.

Of course, dad’s very first step was very correct: he deprived the “little artist” of the “public” - he took him out of the trolleybus.

And the third way to bring a child out of hysterics is the most painless for both parties, and the most positive for the future emotional development child.

It must be said that if a child does break out into hysterics, first of all, there is no need to be scared, much less feel guilty. This is a sign that the baby is growing up and developing ways of interacting with the world and with the people around him. Only parents, the closest people, can help the child go the right, civilized path.

The most difficult thing for parents at the moment children's tantrums and - control yourself. After all, if an adult “explodes,” then the child will learn little good from this “lesson.”

You also need to always remember that denying a child something is quite normal. As well as the fact that a child may be indignant because of this. So there is no need to “give in” to such emotionally expressed demands of the child.

Sometimes children are afraid precisely because they cannot cope with their emotions themselves. In this case, the child needs your support: hug him, say deliberately calmly: “Everything is fine, you’re just very upset. This happens to every person." If this further irritates the child, then just as calmly say: “When you calm down, we will talk, but I don’t understand,” and step aside, making it clear physically that you will not listen to screams or look at violent movements.

So, the simplest and most complex “recipe” (but also the best!) is to ignore the child’s emotional outburst. Stand still and wait for it to end child's hysteria.

If you are very upset, quickly leave the child’s “battlefield” for immediate fulfillment own desires, as calmly as possible. If you are in a public place, move away from the child, but so as not to lose sight of him and so that he can see you. If the child cannot calm down for a long time (10-15 minutes), distract his attention by doing something enthusiastically (playing with blocks, puzzles, toys, watching cartoons), without at all “remembering” the storm that just broke out.

The child must learn that tantrums and emotional “blackmail” do not bring results, and it is better to look for other ways to express desires. A child must know that he has the right to any feeling and be able to express it in a civilized manner. And the main thing is that even if this happens, mom and dad do not approve of this behavior, they don’t like it, but they love the baby himself.

If child's tantrums become a habit, this may mean that he has learned to achieve his goal in this way. Most likely, he realized that this is how you make concessions: you buy him sweets or toys or allow him not to go to bed on time. Therefore, parents should keep in mind that by giving in to these tantrums, you are giving in to a desire that, for one reason or another, you did not intend to fulfill, and you are contributing to the fact that tantrums become simply a negative habit.

In this case, you will have to stock up on patience. But, if you understand that hysterics have become a method for him to get something out of you, the only tactic to deal with them is to not pay attention to them.

Don’t be surprised if a child, seeing that his “efforts” are not producing desired effect, will double or even triple them. It is then that you need to gather all your strength into a fist in order not to pay attention to these screams: not a gesture, not a look, not a word.

“What to do after a child has a tantrum?” or "Prevention"

Can't make fun of children's tantrums and, much less, punish a child for them. The most difficult thing for parents in such a situation is to maintain control over themselves. If you often react violently yourself, then the child will not be able to learn different behavior. However, if you manage to control yourself, you will give your baby good example self-control worthy of emulation.

When child's hysteria It will pass, don't talk about it. If the purpose of such behavior was “blackmail,” then the child will understand that he did not achieve his goal.

When the performance is over, you should act as if nothing had happened, without commenting on what happened and giving the baby the opportunity to earn your favor again. If you can withstand such stress and strictly follow this rule, after some time you will notice that your baby throws hysterics less and less often.

Analyze what could have contributed to the child's emotional breakdown. If you can prevent these situations in the future, then protect yourself from repeating hysterics in the same conditions. For example, there are circumstances in which children are prone to emotional breakdowns (for example, when the baby is tired or too excited, did not get enough sleep), he may be restless and therefore more irritable, and, reacting to your situational “no,” he will respond with an unconventionally stormy scene . If a child throws tantrums during or after visiting guests, then perhaps he is too excited by such a crowd of people. You need to spend time with your baby in a quiet place: draw with him, tell him or read a fairy tale.

Never abruptly interrupt your child’s activities, even if they seem pointless to you. It takes some time for the baby to switch his attention. You can spend it together, distracting the child from an activity he likes and captivating him with what you need.

Sometimes irritation in children accumulates when something doesn’t work out for a long time. Watch how your child copes with some new task, because at first he will not always be able to do it himself (start a new car, climb the steps to a hill, step over a stream). In such cases, you need to do this with him so that he checks his strength and believes in it. Of course, you don’t need to do this for the child, but create conditions so that he understands that he managed it himself (with your help).

In a calm atmosphere, when you spend minutes teaching your child how to behave correctly during an emotional breakdown. Tell a fairy tale about the Hare, who often made a row, stomped his feet, and his parents did not understand the words when he screamed and could not give him what he asked for. And then the bunny learned to ask in words for what he always screamed and cried about. Let the child “become” a Bunny and figure out how to ask correctly so as not to shout, how to react if the answer is “no.” You can even small child learn to name your feelings. During the time he spends constructing the phrase, he will calm down a little. Another time, let him be Bunny’s mother and say your phrase in a calm tone: “You are angry. When you calm down, we'll talk."

Consult with your child how he would like you to behave with him when he is angry: that you hug him and calm him down, or that you step aside and wait until he calms down (of course, this should not be asked during hysterics).

And, of course, watch your behavior: do you say “no” too often? If you constantly pull back and stop the child and thereby provoke? This can lead to the baby not being able to withstand your emotional pressure and “exploding.” For every “no” and “can’t” there should be a “yes” and a “can”. For example, you can’t tear books - you can do this newspaper. Give an alternative to the child’s categorical demand, as if consulting with him, find your “no” in “yes”: “Yes, of course, we will draw in this place, but for this we will attach an absolutely magnificent white Whatman paper!”

It should also be noted that some children (as well as adults!) are infected with the “spirit of contradiction.” Before agreeing to concessions, such kids like to “rage”. After the hysteria gradually subsides, they do what is necessary, silently agree with the arguments. Treat such peculiarities of the child as a May thunderstorm, after which the sun will come out.

The whims and hysterics of children cause a lot of inconvenience to parents. But often adults themselves are to blame, says psychologist Anna Bykova: instead of napping, they drag the baby to the shopping mall, or they don’t warn you that it’s time to end the game soon, or they don’t know how to switch attention. Here are ways that work when a tantrum has not yet started, but may happen soon.

This is most likely not even about hysterics, when a child falls on the floor, hits with his arms, legs, and sometimes with his head, but about any loud child’s crying caused by two reasons: “I want!” or “I don’t want!”, which is difficult for an adult psyche to withstand.

I divide such crying into three types: whims, demands, protest. The criterion is the child’s awareness of his desire.

If a child knows exactly what he wants, and weeping for it to be granted to him, - this is a requirement.

If a child knows exactly what he doesn’t want, it’s a protest.

If a child doesn’t know what he wants, if he doesn’t want anything, he’s simply annoyed by everything—these are whims.

Reasons why the “whimsy” visits the child:

• Overwork (this can be caused by a violation of the daily routine, a change of environment, an abundance of new impressions).
• Malaise.
• Alien Bad mood(children read well emotional condition loved ones).

If these are whims, then it is useless to provide educational influences at this moment. You need to try to calm yourself, calm the child, feed him, put him to sleep - whatever the situation may be.

The child is hysterical: what should I do?

Sashka was two and a half years old when he threw his first and, perhaps, most vivid hysteria. It happened at the IKEA store. Children's department. Wooden Railway when assembled, it is nailed, like an exhibit, to a vertical shield. Sashka wants bright wooden trains.

I give him a box of trains, but Sashka wants the ones nailed down. I explain that they don’t come off. I let Sashka try to tear the nailed exhibit off the wall himself. Again I offer trains in a box. But Sashka wants the trains from the wall. He falls to the floor in hysterics.

I pick him up and put him in the cart, hoping that I can quickly wheel my screaming son to the checkout, pay for the selected item, and then switch my son’s attention from the hysteria to the ice cream. He, continuing to yell, bends over and tries to get out of the cart, throwing the trains in the box to the floor.

And at this moment a stranger begins to scream at me: “What kind of mother?! The child is hysterical!” (Well, of course, otherwise I wouldn’t notice without her...) Holding Sasha in the cart, I taxi to the finish line. Strange woman blocks my way. Apparently, so that I could listen to her tirade: “They give birth, but they don’t know how to educate!”

I analyze the situation. If I now enter into a debate with her, I will no longer be able to remain calm: the risk of emotional infection is too high. My psyche can’t stand two screaming people. As a result, I move away from the woman, abandoning the cart with the goods. Sashka bends over in my arms and kicks me.

I leave the store, sit down on the nearest bench, and take the child on my lap. With one hand, hugging, I fix Sashka’s arms, with the other hand I fix Sashka’s legs. And I begin to rock him quietly. Two minutes later Sashka fell asleep.

It was my mistake to go to the store with my child during nap time. If he had not been overworked, we would have been able to calmly come to an agreement with him. Those who are best at dealing with hysterics are those who simply do not provoke them. If I had been smart enough to drive around the toy department, Sashka would not have seen the train.

"Out of sight, out of mind" technique very effective for preventing hysteria-demands “I want what I can’t do.” We remove from the child’s eyes what he should not take. How smaller child, the more strongly I recommend observing this rule. I remember how I took my two-year-old son from kindergarten along a longer route, but we didn’t meet any provocateurs on the way: swings, candy stalls and a toy store.

Children's tantrums and attention shifts

How to explain to your daughter that sweets are not allowed? She has allergies. We explain to her, we say that her tummy will hurt, but she still screams and demands.

How old is your daughter?

Two and a half.

Why not just remove sweets from the house? There will be no temptation - there will be no tearful demands.

My husband can't live without sweets. He is ready to give up sweets, but he needs cookies and waffles at home. Yes, I love them too.

I vividly imagined the picture: a little girl in tears watches her dad shove one waffle after another into his mouth. In general, it’s strange that the adults themselves are not ready to give up, but for some reason they expect that their two-year-old daughter will easily give up sweets.

You can, of course, continue to explain to the child that she can’t have sweets, but mom and dad can. Sooner or later she will accept this fact. This is if you have the strength to withstand her crying. Or you can simply not provoke. Eating waffles when my daughter is sleeping, for example.

You can also use in this situation technique "Switching attention". Offer an allowed treat instead of a prohibited waffle. It will work if the product is truly perceived by the child as a treat, if it appears suddenly, like a pleasant surprise, and if “Mmm, how lucky are you, but dad can’t do that.”

“Switching attention” is especially effective when used with children. The smaller the child, the more effective the technique. We show the child a new bright stimulus, promise another, more interesting activity, distracting from what cannot be taken. With age, attention becomes more and more stable, and accordingly, it becomes more and more difficult to switch.

In order to always have something to shift attention to, it would be good to have a supply of “anti-crisis toys” to which the child does not have access. These can be small toys with a winding mechanism. A toy that moves itself easily attracts attention.

For a walk in kindergarten when I worked as a teacher, I usually took bubble And balloons. For some reason it always worked. In a situation where there are ten scoops for twenty children, the cry “I want this scoop, but he won’t give it to me” is almost inevitable. But it was worth saying “Look what I have!” and start blowing bubbles, several scoops that no one needed immediately formed.

How to avoid hysteria? Agree

There is another trick to help avoid hysteria - "Conditional Agreement". The formula is: “Yes, of course, only later” or “Yes, but...”

“Yes, of course, he will give you a scoop. Now he will dig a little, and then he will give it to you.” This phrase is perceived with less emotional outburst than “No, he took it first.” When a child hears “no,” he begins to protest, and all subsequent arguments bounce off him. When he hears "yes", there is a chance to negotiate.

“Yes, of course, we will play, but first we’ll sleep a little, and then we’ll play.”

“Yes, I understand that you still want to go out, but it’s time to go back. Let’s think about what to do.” interesting home Shall we do it?"

It is important for the child that he was heard, that he was understood and that he was agreed with.

“Yes, I understand that you want compote right now. But it’s still very, very hot. Let’s blow on it together.”

“Yes, I understand that you want to go to the store, but today there’s absolutely no time. Let’s go tomorrow.”

(Just in case, let me remind you that promises made to a child must be kept. It is wrong to promise something that you are not going to do, just so that the child does not cry right now.)

The technique is not universal; it does not always work with all children. But maybe it will come in handy for you someday.

"Drag" technique. We drag part of the game situation into a new environment. To feed a young builder, instead of “Leave the cubes, let’s go eat some soup,” you can announce that the team is on a lunch break. And if you want to take a child out for a walk, who is building a cave for dinosaurs out of pillows, offer him to feed herbivores with fresh greens.

To avoid hysteria, warn in advance

There are many tears when a child is engrossed in a game, but adults need to interrupt this game for some reason. Either it’s time for dinner, or to go home, or to sleep. It can be difficult to stop playing instantly, and this is where reception "Warning".

It is better to warn the child in advance, give him time to finish, help bring the plot of the game to a conclusion. logical conclusion. In order for the pyramid to be assembled, the train had time to complete its route, all the fairies returned safely to their cribs, and the winner was determined in the robot duel.

After all, it can also be difficult for us, adults, to suddenly switch from one type of activity to another. It takes some time to pause the matter, bringing it to its logical point. Finish a chapter, finish a letter, finish watching a news story, finish cleaning. It is clear that if something emergency happens, we will drop everything and run. But it will be stressful.

For a child, a sudden switch to another activity is also stressful. He reacts to stress with tears. If nothing urgent has happened, I think it is possible to show respect for the child’s activities, to help complete the task that he is interested in this moment busy.

This technique also works with older children. There was a period when I was very annoyed that I had to wait a long time for the children to come to the table, calling them several times. They usually came running after an ultimatum: “If you don’t come now, I won’t feed you!”

Once, while visiting my mother, I myself found myself in the role of such a child. Mom called me to the table, and it was very important for me to finish the chapter before the thought flew out. I was so carried away by the process of completion that I only woke up to the question: “It’s almost cold. Should I warm it up? Or should I put it in the refrigerator?” Since then, I began to agree with the children when (what time) we would have dinner, so that they would try to complete all their work by this time.

How to understand that a child has grown up

Reception "Alternative question". This technique is found in all textbooks on sales and negotiations. And it is considered the most primitive. It is also called “choice without choice.”

I'll explain. The adult makes a decision, but invites the child to choose the accompanying conditions: “Shall we take a ball or a bicycle for a walk?” It works like this: the child is included in the choice with a question and at the same time automatically agrees with the decision. “Are you going to build the cars or the soldiers first?” - keyword here you will “collect”.

True, the technique does not work for long. From the age when a child is able to make a choice to the age when he is able to reject both options. And then mom will hear: “I don’t want to go for a walk today!”, “I won’t collect anything!” Then we are glad that the child has grown up, and without flirting we confront him with the fact: “I decided so, we are now going out.” So, it's time to learn to withstand frustration.

But there is another stage of a child’s interaction with this technique: when the child uses it against you. Be prepared to hear: “Mom, choose, you will buy me a pony or a unicorn,” “Mom, choose, I’ll now eat one candy or two.”

Reception "Substitution of concepts". Classic example from the famous movie: “Breakfast in kindergarten is cancelled! Instead of breakfast, we’re flying into space! We took a space instrument!”

It is good to use this technique at the age of about three years. This is such a sweet age when a child says “No!” very often. and “I won’t!”, defending my right to own opinion. Through “no” he separates himself from adults and feels like a separate person. (“If I say no to my mom, then I’m not a mom.”)

Feeling autonomy is so important that he may say “no” even if he agrees in principle or really, really wants to. But he wants to say no even more.

Imagine kindergarten and a whole group of “netka” three-year-olds. You still need to take everyone out for a walk, seat everyone at the table, and then put everyone to bed, too, despite their “no”...

No! I won't put on my shoes!

Okay, then let them jump on your legs themselves! (The intonation is emotional and playful.) The shoes scatter, the right one overtakes the left one and - oops! - jumps on his leg!

No, I won't eat!

Okay, we won't eat. Let's just sit at the table and watch the kids eat... Look, the pasta is floating in the soup! Let's catch them.

Use a spoon to catch all the pasta one by one (put it in your mouth, of course). And then we catch potatoes... You can call lunch fishing - we replaced one concept with another, and the goal was achieved.

A note for those who doubt the ethics of using this technique, considering it to be deception, and it is not good to deceive children. Of course, it’s not good to lie, and not only to children. Only in in this case This is not a scam, this is a game.

Play is the leading activity of a child. It is natural for a child to play, so he will become much more enthusiastically involved in an activity that is presented as play. This is an adjustment to the child’s picture of the world, and not deception. Deception is when an adult says: “Eat the soup, I’ll give you candy,” and then: “Oh, but there’s no candy, she ran away.”

No! I won't sleep!

Okay, don't sleep. We won't sleep. We'll just lie on the crib and wait for mom to come.

The child agrees, and after five minutes he falls asleep, because he really wants to sleep... But he “did not sleep” in kindergarten. He was “waiting for mom.”

Okay, you don't have to sleep. Just help the bunny sleep. The bunny wants to sleep, but is afraid to fall asleep alone. Hug the bunny and lie next to him. Show the bunny how to close his eyes.

Five minutes later the child is asleep, and the hare, having completed its mission, is lying on the floor under the bed.

No! I will not undress!

Okay, don't take your clothes off. No need. Lie down like this. Let's just free up the tummy. Your tummy needs a break from elastic bands and buttons on your pants. Let your tummy rest, let's take off our panties, but don't undress.

No! I won't go for a walk!

Fine. We won't go for a walk today. We'll go look for the treasure! Do you have a spatula? Take a shovel and quickly go before another group digs up the treasure.

Mom, get up! Get up! Go play!

And my mother, let alone play, can’t open her eyes. To the pleas: “Let’s lie down for another five minutes,” the child responds with a brisk, impatient refusal.

Here comes a saving idea:

Let's play bears. I am mama bear and you are my little bear. This is our den. We are in hibernation.

It turned out, by the way, not even five minutes, but significantly longer. It’s hard to say how much time passed before I heard a quiet: “Mom, I’m already tired of playing bears,” but my eyes opened without any effort.

The reception also does not last long. But don’t be upset if your child outgrows this technique. This means that he is already old enough to face the reality in which parents can demand the child to do something without any flirting.

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Discussion

I honestly admit to my 2-year-old daughter, the insolent hysteria began to flare up more frequently to the point of atomic states, I had to use the most ancient method on the planet, which is used by many creatures: a firm rubber slipper on the ass, the next day and subsequent ones are like silk. The main thing is not to give in. Amazing effect in one go. Probably the problem is individual for each family. Our grandfather raised with his eyes, that is, there was an “educational” whip on the wall, and when the child was capricious, he would look at the whip and then at the child, if the child had already tasted it, then he already knew that a visual remark was enough, grandfather never shouted and did not swear. All the children obeyed his gaze. Therefore, all the grandchildren were sent to him for behavior correction, and there were more than 2 dozen of them. Grandmother is a heroine mother, and grandfather is a heroine father:). Firstly, you need to minimize interaction with gadgets, this affects his psyche, even his mother is less friendly with smartphones and tablets, except for work routine. Secondly, dad must accept active participation in everything from diapers to feeding, from walks to going on a sleepover. A child needs to be raised from the moment of conception :)), so we exclude hysterics when he wants to sleep, or is overexcited, you can always reset his whims, turn him upside down, or put him on his neck, or make him play hide and seek, there is a lot of opportunity for imagination. Try to ensure that the child also has some hobbies for helping parents, such as treating mom or dad, helping to move the washed laundry or collecting toys. The child needs to be played, as they do with musical instrument, and then play and train. He does this by expanding his capabilities and skills. It is from our experience that he will absorb the basics of behavior and thinking. There are useful educational channels on YouTube: okay pancakes, baby einstein, teeny love cartoons and cartoons Soviet origin(though this is selective for me) the rest is harmful slag, at least I haven’t found a better one. Good luck and patience (wisdom) to you in raising children! It is we who create the future of not only the country but also humanity as a whole!

Comment on the article "How to prevent hysterics in a 2-3 year old child: 7 techniques"

How to prevent hysteria in a 2-3 year old child: 7 techniques. Causes of whims in children. The child is hysterical: what should I do? Children's tantrums and attention shifts. Someone else's bad mood (children are good at reading the emotional state of loved ones).

Discussion

Pick up after lunch. The child was simply not ready for kindergarten. Start taking them to other developmental activities. You are at home, so you can handle the situation quite well. Our child stays like this until lunchtime and rarely stays until the evening. As a result, we get terrible hysterics and psychosis. We wait until it grows, we don’t pedal. We go to development classes. But it is important for the child to go home afterwards, and not to a group where there are a lot of people. Tired of communication.

Why do you think that the child is depressed? The description sounds more like fatigue. Try NOT to disturb your child after kindergarten. We met, hugged and calmly drove home WITHOUT talking, WITHOUT long walks.
I will also join the advice to take it BEFORE bedtime. Walk with the younger one, take the older one home, put both of them to bed for at least 1.5-2 hours. After a quiet hour only quiet games, walk before bed, bath.
I don’t recommend abruptly taking you away from kindergarten right now. Then it will be a problem to start walking again.

Section: Medicine/children (The child throws a tantrum). Hysteria of a normal child or psychiatry. I gave mine half a tablet on time or after a hysteria, after twenty minutes I had no strength left to hysterically. And in the 5th grade, tired of her hysterics while doing homework, I gave...

Discussion

Psychos have demonstrative hysterics. Yours is more likely neurological. Yes, puberty is approaching. The boys over there in Khimki also began to cry. It happens.

Yours has dysarthria, if I’m not mistaken. So, neuroscience. The description is similar to neurosis of the 1st degree. We have similar problems, we go to a neurologist, we take courses of medications several times a year. It is forbidden to overwork, we swim 3 times a week. In principle, with our friends, everything has stabilized over the year (we still have additional problems.) If you are in Moscow, then I can recommend a good neurologist.