Whoever you hang out with will gain meaning. Whoever you hang out with, that's how you'll gain! but on the other hand

Do you want to quit smoking, stop overeating on sweets, or end your “lazy” mood? If you have tried many times to change your life for the better, but you have not been able to hold out for long, perhaps the reason for this was the wrong environment. New research confirms that the ability to control one’s desires (including resisting temptations) is greatly influenced by the example of other people, and not necessarily acquaintances!

It was previously known that some bad habits often spread among people who know each other. However for a long time it was believed that it was a matter of selection and association according to the principle of similarity (“Like attracts like”).

Research conducted by scientists from Duke and Georgia Universities (USA) shows that the reason lies deeper: the “herd mentality” cannot be defeated by willpower. Observing or just thinking about a person who has good self-control increases this ability in ourselves. The discovered mirror effect also works in the opposite direction - lazy people and slobs around us seriously reduce our strong-willed qualities, motivation and personal effectiveness. The results of a series of experiments were published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Tell me who your friend is and I'll tell you who you are

In one experiment, 70 volunteers observed tasters choosing carrots or cookies as food. One group of subjects watched a person choose more healthy carrots, while another saw the taster leaning toward the tastier cookies. At the same time, there was no interaction between tasters and subjects - only observation. Then the experiment participants were asked to make a choice between these dishes. As expected, the behavior of the tasters influenced the subjects' choice.

In the next experiment, the researchers asked volunteers to remember a friend with good or poor self-control. Those of them who remembered their friend with good self-control also showed better results themselves.

The task was made more difficult, and in the third study, about 40 subjects were asked to make a list of their friends with poor and good self-control. They then took a computerized test to measure their level of self-control, but not before the names of their friends were displayed on the computer screen for a very short period of time - just 10 milliseconds. It is known that this time is not enough to read a word, but still enough to capture information on a subconscious level. Participants who were given the name of a friend with good self-control performed better. Those who had friends with poor self-control performed worse on the task.

Michelle VanDellen, author of the study, believes that exposure to people with high or low self-control affects first our thoughts and then our behavior. Thus, this study serves as scientific confirmation that it is not enough to change yourself - you need to change your social environment so that you do not get sucked into the old swamp. If you want to become more disciplined, lead healthy image life, get rid of obscene language, etc., you first need to surround yourself with such people.

Croak or jump?

Frogs are sitting in a dirty puddle up to their lower lips.
Suddenly one of them says: “Listen, friends, we need to get out of here.”
In response: “Shhh, don’t drive the wave.”

This is approximately the reaction of the environment when one of the “awakened” tries to somehow change him in better side. Don't expect everyone to take the initiative and join you in the best intentions - focus on your goal and direct all your energy towards achieving it.

It's no secret that we are influenced by winter and summer, day and night, changing phases of the moon, and to a lesser extent We depend on those around us. But, unlike natural phenomena, you can choose your environment. It is much more beneficial to be influenced by optimistic, conscious, goal-oriented people and, ultimately, successful people, - than to spend time in the company of melancholics, whiners and slackers. The latter, of course, can help you relax, but that’s all.

This does not mean that you will have to break with old friends and acquaintances once and for all. If you have an abundance of initiative and optimism, you can try to carry out “reforms” among your friends - but not before you have formed new habits for yourself and are really ready to promote them. In this case, a confident positive example is more likely to affect other people in your circle. As they say, a plus for karma :)

A bad example is contagious

A hidden anchor in your attempts to improve your life can be not only the people around you, but also intrusive advertising in the media mass media. Don’t forget that professionals who have sophisticated methods of manipulating consciousness are involved in its creation, which only strengthens the subconscious desire to copy what is seen and heard.

What does advertising force us to do? As a rule, alcohol and tobacco, unhealthy food and an inferiority complex that can only be cured by the “right” shampoo, mascara, chewing gum, and so on. To be convincing, such videos feature not just one hero-narrator (with whom the viewer associates himself), but his entire environment: shopping with friends, beer with colleagues, mayonnaise with the whole family, or toothpaste with an entire association of dentists (which, by the way, does not exist). The TV actually creates in our head a beautiful illustration of a non-existent environment, which we unwittingly imitate. Hence the conclusion: beware of the influence of the media, because none of us is fully aware of its zombie effect.

We should not forget that small children absorb what is happening without any division into good and bad: like a sponge, they copy most habits of parents and other adults - as they say, “an apple from an apple tree...” This mechanism remains with a person not only in early childhood. IN school years a child is most often interested not in the actions themselves, but in their motive and meaning - therefore, parents most often lose authority in the eyes of a teenager, and their peers and various celebrities take their place.

As a child, you don’t always realize how true aphorisms and proverbs can be. By the way, for some reason the proverb “Whoever you hang out with, that’s how you’ll gain” is vested with us only in negative value: “Don’t hang out with him, you’ll learn bad things.”

But if you look a little deeper, it immediately becomes clear how universal truth is this proverb.

We all know that previously in India there were castes - different layers of society. Moreover, a person did not have to move from one caste to another - he forever belonged either to artisans, or to traders, etc.

Now we perceive this division of society as a social relic. However, in the overwhelming majority of cases, engineers are born into a family of engineers, doctors are born into a family of doctors, or, if we take it a little more broadly: in a family of people with higher education, children receive higher education, in a family of entrepreneurs, children most often become entrepreneurs, in a family of alcoholics - you know what.

Like it or not, the environment has a huge influence - and the most important thing is that your environment influences your way of thinking, your aspirations and ideals.

How can we use this?

First, you need to understand that if you want to change, then sooner or later you will have to communicate with a very specific circle of people. Those. if you want to become an entrepreneur and this moment it’s unpleasant for you to communicate with them, because they are not as educated and thoughtful as you, that is, there is something to think about...

There is only one conclusion, YOU you won't be able to change and become new way, if you do not accept the worldview of people of the new circle. By the way, this inevitably applies to your circle of friends - and this is a really sore subject for many.

1. Learning English– in the process of studying I met several good people my age and for 3 years we were best friends, we celebrated all our birthdays together (and spoke exclusively English at these gatherings).

As soon as the goal of learning the language began to fade into the background (because we have already achieved enough high level knowledge of the language), our “get-together” began to gradually disintegrate. It's sad to realize that life paths people disagree, but this is a fact.

So, learning the language led to a radical change in my circle of acquaintances for several years.

2. Blogging– the activity is quite specific, so the circle of acquaintances is network friends and colleagues (a list of which you can find in the “Colleagues’ Sites” section at the top). And this time, successful blogging, a popular blog, means communicating with colleagues.

By the way, it so happened that I turned one of my close acquaintances and even a friend into a blogger. It’s truly “whoever you mess with, you’ll gain from that.”

Conclusions:

1. If you want to change something, just realize that your social circle will definitely change. You can use this fact as a litmus test. Is your social circle not changing? So you don't change.

2. The speed of change depends on how often you are in a new social circle. Remember my case with English language. To successfully master it, I practically only communicated with friends from the English club. Briefly speaking, total immersion is what you need.

That's the whole trick. Good luck with your communication colleagues.

Over time, and in last years I am especially acutely aware that the lack of religious education is a huge disadvantage in all aspects of life, in all its areas, and... A huge hole in the soul the size of God...

Well, because what kind of happiness can there be if a person has no idea what a family is, because he learns from the example of his parents and relatives, who themselves are unhappy all their lives and can barely tolerate each other? Where can he get an example to follow? From modern singers who have been married 8 times and never understood what it means to be happy, but they skillfully lie on stupid cheap talk shows and share advice that, God forbid, should they use? From divorced girlfriends who walk around with bruises under their eyes and “plow” from dawn to dusk in order to somehow survive? But it’s never too late to relearn... At any age - if there is a desire and aspiration...

And when it comes to making a living, who does everyone look up to?

Those about whom they say with undisguised envy - “he knows how to live”... Thieves and swindlers... And they are imitated... They steal and cheat... Then, of course, they pay with illness, ruin, sometimes prison or even life - then who stole how much... But they think that even if it was a couple of years, they “lived”... Even in absolute hell and fear, but with money and to the fullest, which sooner or later will unravel in any case...

Who do they learn from and who will they go to with questions about how to solve problems? To life coaches... coaches... sectarians... occultists... The methods they use in their work are predominantly the tenacious grip of the client, manipulation, illiteracy and an absolute lack of knowledge about the soul. Just ask anyone and you won’t get an answer or you’ll either hear something unintelligible or some self-invented nonsense about reincarnation and something similar...

Why? Because as a result of upbringing, lifestyle, social circle, lack of faith and, accordingly, a strong spiritual foundation, as well as training and work according to given criteria, they have lost the basic important qualities souls, or their replacement has occurred... The landmarks have changed... The beacons have become false... And they themselves are going in the wrong direction, and dragging a string of ignoramuses behind them...

I deliberately, out of purely professional interest, once made contact with one of their camp, who offered to buy some initiations in bulk... When I asked him about his conscience, he replied that after “enlightenment” he had completely transformed... into whom??? Who do they look up to and who are their idols? Thomas J. Leonard? Osho? Hindus from ashrams recruiting adherents? Scammers and swindlers? What great and memorable things have they, the current “gurus,” done for humanity, what can we imitate in them and what can we be grateful for? For crazy brains and crippled destinies? How long will they remain in your memory? What mark will they leave behind in history? The most disgustingly smelly...

And it is absolutely certain that he is not the same as St. Nicholas the Wonderworker, who was (and is) a real man, who lived from March 15, 270 AD - to December 6, 343 AD, and did so much good that to this day they remember him and ask for help, which they instantly receive...

And absolutely not like Seraphim of Sarov - one of my favorite Saints, who raised the dead with his prayer and healed (continuing to do this to this day) from incurable diseases.

And not like Seraphim Vyritsky, who, being a very rich man, gave away all the wealth he had and went to a monastery. They ask him for employment, for help in trade matters, for house-building, for health and for everything that one would like to ask for... In his own words... From the heart. Meaningful. And he helps. You just need to be able to understand and hear.

And not like Alexander Peresvet - our schemamonk who saved Holy Rus' from the invasion of the Tatars right on the Kulikovo Field...

And not like Alexander Nevsky (in schema Alexy), who with a small retinue defeated the Swedish army after prayer and with the words: “God is not in power, but in righteousness. Some with weapons, others on horses, but we will call on the name of the Lord our God!”

And certainly not at all like Jesus Christ, who healed and is healing the crippled, revived and revives the dead or dying, whom the “omnipotent modern scientific medicine", helped and helps the disadvantaged, the burdened and the toiling, and, restoring justice, consoles those who cry, giving hope and real support in everything - just ask for good, believe and strive to become an eternal person.

This is where the trouble comes from, because the majority have changed their guidelines from the correct ones, from those that are worth emulating and emulating, to those that you need to stay as far away from as possible, because if you follow the path they suggest, you will inevitably get into trouble and you will suffer bitterly...

Look at the mass media of information in the news kiosks... Life stories of harlots, libertines, perverts, thieves and swindlers, politicians (who are completely rotten and liars), singers, actresses... And they write everything so colorfully that the human brain, unable to resist the destructive influence of information, absorbs all this abomination into himself, and then begins to reproduce, imitating the base and trampling on the sublime...

No materials about truly great and Holy people throughout human history can be found in public places...

Because those who do not know how to analyze and think are very easy to manipulate. It’s easy to convince them of anything - from usefulness electronic cigarettes, to the harmlessness and normality of promiscuity - and this will become the norm of life for hundreds of millions. And they will get sick and suffer, and will not stop believing in what they were taught. And they will try again and again to change something, and their attempts will be unsuccessful. Because the path in the opposite direction from salvation has not yet led anyone to return to life...

That is why for the last 5-6 years I have been communicating exclusively with representatives of the clergy and religious intelligentsia. I’ll tell you a secret, I’ve never had a more interesting and fulfilling process in my previous life. Already because information from spiritual sources enriches, if you like, aligns, gives answers to deep questions about all aspects of life. While modern “samizdat” (invented for myself or what I see, I sing) takes away strength, dulls, corrupts, perverts consciousness and mind and in the end does not lead to where a person strives...

Everything is explained here quite simply and is clearly visible. Even if a person is lost in life, has made mistakes, but is determined to change - when in front of his eyes are the right guidelines, people worthy in all respects, their life stories, and their support - he will rise, because gradually, step by step, he will begin to live like this , as commanded from above. And thereby fill your existence with the highest meaning. Spirit. And he will automatically transfer this meaningfulness to his life and the lives of those around him, spreading around himself, albeit insignificant, but still light...

WHO YOU HAVE WITH, WILL GET FROM

⇒ it's catching.

♦ [Leonidik:] He loves you. He told me this himself. [Lika:] Wow!.. Are you taking an example from a real man? [Leonidik:] Who are you going to mess with... (Arbuzov 4). He loves you He told me. Oh! So you"re behaving like a real man! It"s catching .. (4a).

2 Whoever you hang out with, that's how you'll gain

Close intercourse with people makes you behave and think like they do. See Bad examples are contagious (D), Whoever you hang out with is the one you're like (C), You lie down with a dog, you get up with fleas (Q

Cf: Associate with cripples and you learn to limp (Am. ). Enter the mill and you come out floury (Am. ). Evil communications corrupt good manners (Am. , Br. ). Not that dwells next door to a cripple will learn to halt (Br. ). Not that lives with wolves will learn to howl (Br.). Live with the lame and you will limp (Am.). Who keeps company with a wolf learns to howl (Am. )

3 whoever you hang out with, that's how you'll gain

tell me whom you live with and I will tell you who you are

4 BY WHOM

5 YOU'LL GET UP

6 LET'S LEAVE IT

7 HAPPEN

8 ASSOCIATE

9 COMMUNICATION

Whoever you hang out with will gain meaning. Whoever you hang out with, that's how you'll gain! but on the other hand

How can we use this?

Conclusions:

See also in other dictionaries:

Irina Vasilievna, 59 years old, Krasnoyarsk: - In my opinion, I am changing for the better. I stopped getting irritated for any reason and became calmer. I make notes when I have ailments and try to understand their causes.

Now I have pain in the lower back, in the intestines, the left hip joint is out of order and the right leg is out of order. In some strange way, here and there problems emerge...

- This is Zina... She always compliments me, sympathizes with me if she sees that I’m feeling bad.

Vladimir Krikunov, 28 years old, Barcelona: - I have very bad luck with girls. No matter who I meet - frivolous, accessible, uninteresting. And yesterday the doctor said that I picked up some kind of infection during sex from Yulia (my last girlfriend).

- No.

- Agree.

- How to learn to understand?

- So

Nina Ivanovna Smelykh, 52 years old, Yaroslavl: - I don’t know my daughter. A certain wall of misunderstanding appeared between us. The longer she lives abroad, the larger the wall.

Please see if there is any outside interference. She left - it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She developed a bad habit. She talks like a stranger. What it is?

Galina Nikolaevna Panteleeva, 48 years old, Ufa: - My daughter Anastasia is getting married soon. Invitations to the celebration have already been distributed.

But I noticed that she had a complete breakdown. I'm worried about my daughter. What is this? Where?

-Can this revenge be removed?

- Is there really no way to stop this phenomenon?

- Do black hierarchs have similar subtle bodies?

- Can’t the Higher Powers deprive the dark ones of everything that contributes to witchcraft?