Magazine temptation club. All books about: “Temptation Magazine

Our expertise

Many adults believe that a six- or seven-year-old child simply dreams of going to school, that this event should fill him with pride, because now he is not “just a child,” he has his own important task. Is it so? We publish a point of view , family psychologist, specialist in adaptation of adopted children, laureate of the Presidential Prize in the field of education, author of many books for parents and teachers, including

Remember Agnia Barto’s touching poem about Petya, who doesn’t sleep all night before the first of September?

Why today Petya
Woke up ten times?
Because he is today
Enters first grade.

He got dressed in two minutes,
He grabbed a pencil case from the table.
Dad ran after him
I caught up with him at the door.

The neighbors stood behind the wall,
The electricity was turned on
The neighbors stood behind the wall,
And then they lay down again.

He woke up the whole apartment,
I couldn't sleep until the morning.
Even my grandmother dreamed
What she repeats is a lesson.

Even grandpa had a dream,
Why is he standing at the board?
And he can't be on the map
Find the Moscow River.

N and the psychologist’s point of view is that in this situation there are already harbingers of school neurosis, which is passed on in the family from generation to generation. And in real life All more families They are faced with the fact that the child does not want to go to school at all. Or he even wants to, but at the same time he is so nervous that he loses peace and sleep. Children's doctors know the syndrome of the third week of September - due to stress, almost half of first-graders get sick. It’s normal to feel anxious when starting a new business, a new stage in life, but the anxiety level of our first-graders is clearly off the charts. Why is that?

Our society has developed an idea of ​​the school as a judge and evaluator of the child and family. School success is becoming the main measure of the quality of education. Long before the age of seven, a child is told: “How will you manage at school, so sloppy?” “Do you think anyone at school will like the way you act?” or they say not to him, but to relatives and friends, with obvious fear: “I can’t imagine how she will study, with her character.”

Often children are sent in advance to training groups, zeros. It would seem like a good idea, let the children, in a less strenuous rhythm, gradually get used to the class and the teacher, and then it will be easier for them. But in reality, preparation often results in additional stress. The child is simply hit with school discipline a year earlier, he discovers a year earlier that he will be constantly assessed at school (no stars or flags instead of points change anything here, an assessment is an assessment), and most importantly, he discovers that his success in class are extremely important for the family. Meeting children after classes, mothers and grandmothers literally attack with questions: “What did you do today? Did you answer? Did you raise your hand? Did you answer? Did anyone else answer?” They approach the teacher and ask her: “Well, how’s mine?” They carefully examine the copybooks and react violently: “How beautifully you wrote!” or “Well, what is this, I didn’t try at all, like a chicken with its paw.” Yes, I’m not just a boy now, the child understands. Not just my mother’s and father’s, my grandmother’s and grandfather’s beloved Petenka. I am now a better-than-everyone-in-class boy, or a no-worse-than-others boy, or even a boy-who-doesn’t-perform. And this is very important for parents. More important than anything else.

Adults, remembering their childhood, sometimes say: “My childhood ended when school started.” Or even like this: “When school started, I lost my parents. I no longer existed for them; they were only interested in how I was studying.” And then there may be a story about an excellent student who was not allowed even a single B, because “it disgraces the family.” Or about a poor student who, as now, in hindsight, it is clear, simply needed special classes with a speech therapist in reading and writing, and then, many years ago, he suddenly turned from a beloved son into “my grief for my mother and into an insolent a slacker for dad. These are, of course, extremes, but, one way or another, almost all children feel that they have entered into a very nervous game with school and parents, in which a lot is expected of them, and the most valuable thing for the child is at stake - his relationships with loved ones.

The matter is aggravated by the fact that, as accurately noted in Barto’s poem, parents, and especially grandparents themselves, often have a very traumatic experience of Soviet and Russian school, in the traditions of which - ordinary ignorance, so natural for a child (he could not find the river on the map) is equated to a crime, becomes the basis for the sentence: you are a loser, a loser, a general disappointment. Which of today's grandparents did not want to fall into the ground under a condemning person? the teacher's destructive gaze? They so want to spread straws, to protect their adored grandchildren from the painful experience - and without noticing, they themselves are driving the child into a trap. As a result, their grandchildren are already afraid of school.

I would really like this situation to change, and a lot depends on the school itself, but it seems to me that we need to start with the parents. It is important that they remember that school is an institution that exists on their taxes and for their children. Its goal is to create conditions for children to develop fully and joyfully, and not at all to evaluate the dignity of the child himself and his parents. If a child doesn’t know or can’t do something, that’s why the school is there to help, advise, teach, and parents will get involved if necessary. School success is not the goal of life, and you certainly shouldn’t let it ruin your relationship with your child and his self-image. In 20 years, it will not matter how smoothly your child wrote sticks, but if he was yelled at for mistakes, or he saw that his mother was very disappointed in him, this could seriously affect his self-confidence and future successes. If you cannot remain calm and optimistic because your own experience of living in the school-child-parent triangle was painful, take care of yourself by asking for help.

Based on materials from www.psychologies.ru and books by Lyudmila Petranovskaya

Material for the lesson.

Discussion

For me, the best solution is to talk to the teacher and recommend a game form of learning... You can’t do anything else, because anyway, he receives basic knowledge at school. There can only be recharge on your part mind games, vitamins (we give vitamins for mental development) and active rest... In any case, that’s how we dealt with the problem))

Hello!
I had to leave home for a week!
While I was driving, there was no connection, I didn’t answer calls, but it turned out that my daughter called me 58 times...
Because I didn’t answer, the child didn’t sleep all night, I was hysterical.
I call you in the morning and tell you that you have to go to school. The holidays are in 3 days.
My daughter answers me, “I won’t go, I didn’t get enough sleep, because of you.” It’s clear, I don’t believe in this, I don’t think that because of not answering calls... you can go crazy, cry (even if there are calls 58) The daughter says that she won’t go to school for these 3 days, because there is one girl skipping school, the girl says that she has stomach problems, but she goes for walks and posts photos on the Internet.
My daughter also claims that yesterday, before leaving, I gave her permission not to go, but... I don’t remember that! Maybe she didn’t understand something? All day she asked me “Should I go to school or not?”
I answered “Yes, of course!”
Later, just before leaving, she asked me again, this time I didn’t answer when the neighbor asked about school, daughter said no, I I won’t go. At that moment I was silent. I think she (daughter) just didn’t understand me.
What should she do? Should she go to school? She is 14 years old, alone at home, the neighbors said they won’t visit, they don’t have time... What should she do? Should she go or not?

I really liked it. There is something to think about. Still, I am wary of unplanned vacations.

Oh, I wish I had this article in my recent childhood :) I didn’t like going to school so much! And that’s why I skip classes at the institute when I feel like “it’s time to rest.” Indeed, no tragedy: I’m catching up. Maybe everyone just lives “in their own rhythm” - that’s the whole point...

Thank you, Elena! Your article turned out to be very helpful - last year in the winter my daughter had health problems - and problems immediately began at school. I just personally agreed with the teacher about “extra holidays” with home schooling. you painted simple circuits actions and instilled confidence in the correctness of this approach.

Comment on the article "What to do if your child does not want to go to school?"

It started... A bit early, but these are the realities. Almost 5 years ago we welcomed three orphans, boys, and preschool-age brothers into our family. The eldest was 5, the youngest one and a half years old. After a short time, it became clear that the children were adapting very poorly to society. They cannot follow established rules, follow instructions from adults, work in classes, or respond adequately to comments. That visual effect that children are outwardly very beautiful, well-groomed, well-groomed, well-developed and intelligent - causes others...

Discussion

Hello, I know a year has passed since you wrote here about your problem, how did you solve everything? My son is in first grade, I transferred him to another school in November and a month later all the horror that you write here began!! Mainly with teachers and the school director, I I don’t know how to help my son!!! There are no places in another school, mostly he gets along with his classmates, mostly he gets along with the girls, but he freaks out terribly with bullies! And the director’s threats and insults, I can’t cry at home, I see how they’re driving him... youngest son 5.5 excellent relationship, there are no psychos at home... but there... they went to a neurologist, and a pediatrician... and in kindergarten, everyone said a normal child.... How to solve the situation, but they insult me ​​that I am inactive.. .

Lee, strength and patience to you! I can’t give any advice due to the lack of such experience, but I can support you good wishes I want to. Health and wisdom in the New Year!

Every student sooner or later has problems with certain subjects at school. And it doesn’t matter at all how old the child is. What should parents do in such a situation - try to help or let the child decide for himself whether he needs to know this item on high level? Many, of course, will immediately say that there is nothing to think about here and that they definitely need help. But! Have you thought about your child's wishes? After all, the problems are empty space don't arise, do they? It is possible that your baby...

This year, a problem that I called “grade 2” clearly manifested itself. Never before have I had to deal with this problem so en masse. Its essence is that children do not want to study, do not want to go to school, it is impossible to persuade them, force them, or organize them to do their homework. Parents have no leverage; they cannot interest the child in anything. At the beginning of the year it was funny when they came with such a request, but by the new year, at the next call, I could continue for my parents myself - 2nd grade, no...

The child does not want to go to school. School problems. Child from 10 to 13. What can be done here? What do parents of children who do not want to study in principle and do not go to school?

Discussion

According to my observations, people at this age don’t want to go to school because of relationships. With the teacher or other children.
IMHO, we need to figure out why he is not interested, why he doesn’t want to go to his friends, etc.
My son also had it in the 3rd grade - he sort of hung out with friends, but without much affection, did his homework in 15 minutes, started arguing over the computer, came up with a bunch of extra classes - clubs - olympiads - responsibilities and still had a lot of time left
I transferred to a strong school - heaven and earth. It was difficult, my grades were ruined, but I ran back and forth and did my homework all the way and rewrote it if it was ugly, so that the teacher would definitely like it. And in 5th it turned out to be much easier than for my former classmates - there was a very weak teacher there...
The poor neighbor stopped going to school when he was in 3rd grade; it turned out that the kids were bullying him - he was fat and red-haired.
I transferred to the parallel class - I stopped being a poor student - again, it was all because of our strange teacher that the problem was
In short, I am for finding out the reasons and if there is not enough load, creating it.
While we were following this path, my son won several competitions and competitions, learned to play tennis and became interested in football - thanks to boredom)))

Ignore whining. The question of “to go or not to go to school” is not negotiable, it is an obligation. You can tell them that if they don’t go to school, they will be taken into care, etc.
On the other hand, you can try to communicate with teachers - maybe they will help. Does your child have a success zone? Let them insist on this.
On the third hand, you can make a list of the advantages of going to school, formalize this list beautiful poster and hang it above the bed so that in the morning it won’t be so sad to wake up and go to school :)

Don't expect that September is still far away and you will have time to purchase a school uniform by the first of the month. If baby is coming to school, parents should take care of choosing a school uniform in advance so as not to buy it on the last day and provide the child with really comfortable and practical clothes. Until recently, schoolchildren could afford to come to school almost wearing jeans, but in the coming year the situation should change. In May 2014, a law was passed, now the school has the right...

What to do if a child doesn’t want to study... “And in general he doesn’t want anything,” parents complain to psychologists. And most often, they themselves do not try to change anything, or, on the contrary, they try too actively to “teach” everything to the child... Psychologists are confident that parents are quite capable of instilling in their child a love of learning, especially since many families today have the opportunity to “help” their child learn. Do good grades equal success? Many parents who dream of a happy and promising future for their...

Discussion

It is necessary to praise so that self-esteem does not fall. But within reasonable limits, overpraising will not lead to good things

In the first and second grades, I overprotected my son like this, taught him that he didn’t even look in his briefcase without me, and waited for his mother to take the initiative. I didn’t immediately find the optimal line between total and optimal control :)

Hello! Tell me what to do: my son is 7 years old, he told his grandmother that sometimes he doesn’t want to live, when my mother offends me (I’ll yell for something or spank me), I’m sitting in the room, and there’s a voice in my head “kill yourself ", you can jump from the roof or from the stairs (we have a Swedish wall at home) onto something sharp... Grandma says to him, “Dimochka, you’ll die then,” and he answers her: “Grandma, but your soul will remain.” "...I'm shocked how to properly talk and rid my son of these thoughts...

Discussion

Hello!

Unfortunately, I don’t know your situation in detail, what’s going on in your family and on what basis your relationship with your child is built. But I’ll tell you honestly - what you’re writing about is a serious call that needs to be paid close attention to. I really want to help you, but, unfortunately, online communication has its limitations. I can only consider and assess your situation approximately.

What is mom? Mom is the person who gave life, the most close person for any child. You write that when you offend your child, shout at him, spank him, he does not want to live. Your son needs his mother’s love like the air he breathes.

Ask yourself a question - why are you offending him? Why do you need to spank and yell at a seven year old? After all, what is screaming and spanking? This is one of the types of violence. Probably, being unable to influence the child calmly, you resort to this method of “education.” Put yourself in his shoes. For example, your husband comes up to you and says – do this and that. For some reason you refuse. He starts screaming. You don't want to again. A couple of slaps at you “ends the negotiations.” I think you will find this method of communication unpleasant.

Sort yourself out. Is everything okay inside of you? After all, if the mother is calm, the child is calm. If the relationship with the child is built correctly, there is no need to raise your voice, much less fight. Calmly explain what you want from him, listen to his opinion. The main thing is that you yourself clearly understand what you want from your son and, indeed, whether you need it.

Let me give you an example: a mother is getting her son ready for kindergarten, urges him on - come on faster, you need to go to the garden in time, and I need to go to work. And he thinks to himself: “I don’t like this job, why do I have to go there every day? I hate what I do. If I didn’t need money, I wouldn’t go to a job I didn’t like, but would sit at home with my child, and I wouldn’t have to take him to kindergarten, where there are only illnesses, etc. and so on." Thoughts are entirely negative, but the state of health is appropriate. Mom is all on edge, on edge. The child feels all this and, “reflecting” the mother’s state, screams at the top of her lungs: “I don’t want to go to kindergarten. Will not go". “Oh, won’t you go? - then a familiar situation plays out with shouting and slaps...

What did the child do? He is in in this case expressed out loud that his mother was intensely thinking about everything Lately, he just “reflected” her condition. Mom doesn’t want to take her child to kindergarten for such and such a reason, much less to work. Internally, she herself does not want the child to go to kindergarten - she is afraid that he will get sick. She doesn’t want to, but she forces him. That is, he thinks and feels one thing, but says something completely different out loud.
This discrepancy is what her child expresses out loud.

Talk to your son. What's bothering him? What is he missing? If this is a lack of attention on your part, try to devote more time to it if possible. If this is a reaction to your yelling and spanking, stop this type of communication immediately and start giving your son more love and affection. Calm yourself internally.

If the situation does not improve, be sure to show your son to a good child psychologist.

By the way, on my website www.schastie.info I run a free newsletter. You can subscribe and regularly receive advice and recommendations on improving the quality of your life, health, improving relationships with loved ones, self-realization, finding something you love, and much more.

Sincerely,
Tatiana Gorchakova

A first grader may not know something very important. Or know, but forget - out of confusion. And this at school will create unexpected inconveniences for him, which will ruin all the joy and pleasure from the school day. Our job (and an important job) is to anticipate unforeseen situations in which he may find himself. WHAT TO REMIND A CHILD WHO IS GOING TO SCHOOL. I think about this: - Where is the toilet (Some kids wait half a day until they get home.). - How to ask to go there if...

Discussion

What to do if you suddenly freeze? I got really interested. Our windows have been wide open all 4 years, the teacher does not allow us to close them, and getting up and going for a run is also not accepted in post-Soviet schools. well, or the weather is cold and the heating season has not yet begun. I can’t think of anything other than “sit, be patient, you run around during recess and warm up.”

))))) At first I didn’t understand why someone could write something like this, but I went to the registrar and it became funny - truly “all diseases are from doctors” :)

When I was little, my mother often told friends and acquaintances: “I trust my daughter, she never lies to me! If she said something, then it is so!” I don’t know intentionally or accidentally, but she often said this phrase in my presence. And I was filled with a sense of pride... and responsibility... and I wasn’t lying. I just couldn’t, because my mother TRUSTED me!!! Simple pedagogical technique, but it worked! I still don’t know whether my mother came up with it or read it somewhere. And I always thought that with my...

Discussion

I believe. And I know that she is not lying. Once upon a time, I instilled in her the idea that one must always tell the truth, and I will never punish for telling the truth, no matter what she does.

Some people believe it, others don’t. I believed my son, because... he never lies. The sister believed the older one for the same reason, but she didn’t believe the younger one, because he almost always lies. And not out of fear, but simply a liar by nature and never wanted to learn. If they believed him, it’s scary to think that it would have worked out.

My daughter doesn't really like writing essays. Well, they don’t work out for her... But I always succeeded. And I love writing. So it turned out that in the current ninth grade, I had to seriously help her in this matter. And this is what I had to face. My daughter received 4/5 for her essay on “Woe from Wit.” Before writing, the teacher practically dictated to them finished essay, but we wrote it ourselves. The daughter immediately resisted, saying that she would be given bad rating, but insisted. I asked...

Discussion

It is because of all this that we try to enroll in schools like 1543 and similar ones. I would like the teachers to be smart, the criteria for everyone to be equal, and the children to be taught and not imitated. But quality options, unfortunately, are becoming increasingly scarce.
Convincing a senile teacher and a rotten administration of something is pointless, just like fighting windmills. We need to look for other teachers, perhaps outside the school. As for now, we can endure school. I remember very well my own feelings from the university after my middle school (radically different social circle, teachers, atmosphere) - it seemed to me that I had finally left prison, found myself with those with whom I had long wanted to be. Some of my classmates experienced, as they admitted, the same feeling of happiness. And the children of my friends, who graduated from 1543, 1514, etc., even at the university, manage to miss school.

And what is the “crown of the pyramid”?...))
But in general, in an essay actually written by my mother, talking about “unfair grades” is strong :)
Regarding the teacher and the tournaments, I’m 99% sure that she simply doesn’t want to prepare the children or conflict with other “gymnasium” teachers. So she deliberately pawns “her” children, depriving them of a chance to win, while ensuring herself a quiet life in a “weak” class.

What to do if your child doesn't want to go to school? Some schools have already introduced holidays every fifth week.

Discussion

In the morning we all go to school together (we have it in another city), there I see my son off and stomp to the metro, my husband drops off the youngest to the nanny (she works for us 4 days a week).
In the evening, my husband picks up the eldest + the youngest and drops them off at my home. He leaves to study himself.
When it comes to a full schedule that coincides with me, we’ll hire a nanny.
I don’t want after-school hours + the children have extra classes.

Many of us “shift” their schedules, for example, mom starts working early, but finishes just as early, and dad shifts it to start “later.” And then dad takes the children and mom takes them.

I have 1 child, a junior high school student, and grandparents, a husband, and someone else. on hand to be nearby, no. At work there is the same access system and after-school hours at school until 18.00. When I started first grade, I signed up for a reduced working day of 1 hour, i.e. from 9.00 to 17.00 and I can pick it up myself. Find out. Perhaps your company also provides such an opportunity; most likely, according to the Labor Code, you have such an opportunity.

Conference with Yulia Borisovna Zhikhareva, psychologist-defectologist at the children's clinical diagnostic center MEDSI II 1. The child is 8 years old. No desire to learn. How to overcome this? As a rule, a child has no desire to study hard and hard. First of all, we must try to solve the difficulties of teaching in certain subjects. If you have persistent difficulties with the Russian language, contact a speech therapist to test for dysgraphia. On the other hand, we must try to make doing lessons enjoyable and more...

Parenting and relationships with children adolescence: transitional age, problems at school, career guidance, exams, Olympiads, Unified State Examination, preparation for university. Section: Problem (how to leave school if my mother does not want to take me out of this school).

Discussion

I'm studying at this moment in 10th grade, but I don’t like it there, there are problems with the team and with studies too! I know that I definitely won’t go until 11 and I know that I will lose a year. I still have health problems, but there is one problem: under the guardianship of my grandmother, I don’t mind that I don’t study now and rest this school year, because I was very sick, but the guardianship tells me to study, I don’t know what should I do? What to do? I graduated from 9th grade, I have everything, can I just leave 10th grade?

How are things going with your boy now?

What to do with the school? What, forget about it since I can’t force it, but come to an agreement while My children went to school on the third day, not knowing the language. They go to school to learn the language. We need to find out why the boy doesn’t want to go to school, what exactly is the reason, maybe he’s there...

Discussion

I realized that on Monday, showing my dissatisfaction with the fact that he did not go to school and studying most day with his work affairs (and not playing with him), he nevertheless retreated into himself even more and became more embittered. I realized that I couldn’t allow him to emotionally distance himself from me like that, and yesterday the tactics were different.

I wake him up for school, he tells me not to call him by name (obviously angry and offended in the morning), I played it. She sat down next to him and stroked his back for 20 minutes and then told him to rest.

I myself went to read about how to deal with traumatized children... I lay down and when he got up I pretended to be asleep :) He went downstairs and turned on the TV. I got up and went down. He said hello, said that he was just about to cook dinner for me (we laughed because he said dinner, not breakfast), asked for forgiveness for not going to school again and for yelling at me and explained that he was at school again this morning bad mood. I hugged him and kissed him...

I realized that there was a lot of pain and resentment in him and that it was beginning to break through, which was good. It’s very good that instead of keeping everything to himself, he begins to share his experiences. Plus, because of adoption, he is rethinking his life and his family... In general, we succeeded good conversation. He told me how sorry it was that things didn’t work out for mom and dad, how well they lived before they started quarreling. How the mother drank, etc. I asked why everything turned out this way? Why if God is so kind and omnipotent, why did he allow this to happen... said that sometimes he feels so bad that he just wants to disappear... I said that if I could, I would do everything to erase his pain and so that he would be happy. She said that he had every right to be angry and upset about how his life had turned out - anyone in his place would have felt this way, but that it turned out that way and it had nothing to do with him. He clearly grieves greatly about the fact that the relationship in his biological family did not work out and about how his life turned out...

Last night he asked to stay at home some more. He told me to wake him up, but to be ready for him to be home...

Just like that...

Thanks everyone!

I imagined myself in the place of a child - 2 months in a family in a foreign country, a language you don’t know, what kind of school?!

Everyone is dancing... all the children are writing - mine is staring around and not working; he himself says almost every day that he doesn’t want to go to school, although before that he has been studying for 2 years training courses went, he didn’t want to study there either. You should always do your homework... on your mind...

Discussion

Try to sit down next to your son and sort it out: this week you have to do this and that at school... (write directly on paper), for this you will get such and such... (like below =LightA™=
writes), this may seem unpedagogical, but in the example of my child it worked. Last year, my son was interested in various children's magazines and stickers, and that's all we went with. I now remember 1st grade with horror (my son is now in 2nd grade), it was the same as yours. In December I actually wanted to take him to home schooling, because the child only attended school, but wrote only in mathematics and Russian (and not all of them), art and work did not exist in nature at all for him, for the entire first year he did something and drew only a couple of times, yes and then only in the spring. The teacher did not put pressure on him, that is, he just sat and looked out the window, telling me that he had not yet matured. He didn’t do anything in terms of outlining, shading, painting, he didn’t even take out this notebook. From the second half of the year they already had diaries, there was not a single week without comments - he left the lesson early, did not do anything, did not write down, etc., I was generally shocked by all this, because... the child went to school very prepared, and in my opinion there shouldn’t have been any problems at all. We ran to psychologists. The verdict is that he is not ready for school (frankly speaking, his first teeth fell out only this summer at the age of 8), for him the teacher is not an authority, he does not understand adult commands as a decree for mandatory execution, like wait, it will resolve itself. Now 2nd grade - heaven and earth. It is very easy to learn without straining. He also works in the classroom inactively and flies away (but this is also a characteristic of his neurological and psychological development). In the 1st quarter, 2 B's (Russian + Art), now I think he will be an excellent student (or one B in Art), he considers drawing to be the hardest subject at school, there are reasons for this, he also sees the world especially (like K.’s son), for example, he can draw a pear on a Christmas tree :))). So look for ways to see your son, you can also go to a psychologist to calm him down.

Section: Lessons (the kids don’t want to do their homework, I’m going crazy). A child (10 years old, 4th grade) does not want to study at all, is absolutely not interested in grades (either 2 or 5 - he may even forget what he gave).

Discussion

10 years have passed. Interesting to know how your son is doing.

What does he do because he has to? It’s not interesting, you don’t want to, but it’s a MUST?
What does he know about you from what you do regularly on the basis of “like it or not, chew my beauty”?
About other people from the same?
This is what I mean, motivation is wonderful, it allows you to do it with pleasure. But discipline is more important than what must be done, it still has to be done. And whoever does not know how to motivate himself is to blame, which means he will do it without pleasure. But it will still happen. Do. Everything you need. On time.
IMHO, the child simply has not formed the idea of ​​discipline and fulfilling one’s duty as an integral part of life from which no one has escaped and cannot be avoided.

Of course, he will agree with you, but he won’t do it. I know a lot of cases when a child agrees that he needs to go to school. Many people go to school, if not to study, but at least to hang out, and at least somehow get through their studies. And then suddenly there is such reluctance.

Discussion

My child is now finishing his first year at Moscow State University, he entered without tutors, but there was a lot of absenteeism at school. The reasons are tense relationships with teachers. I talked about it at school, then I realized that it was not only useless, but very harmful, and I even stopped going to meetings. I sat with my son to teach him his least favorite lessons, and begged and persuaded. Yes, I sat with a 17-year-old guy and read essays on Onegin before the exam! I was very afraid that I would fall apart, it was leading to this psychologically. By the way, I wasn’t the only one sitting with the child. My friend also read books on literature with her daughter. Try to understand the child and take his side. Either it’s hard for him to study in general, or in individual subjects, or “the cat crossed the road” and “found a scythe on a stone.” Maybe better school change? If you're lazy, they wrote correctly about the belt and the grave mound. If principles are a completely different matter. At the age of 15, a person would rather quit school and do stupid things than go beyond all this.

“I think that you should tell everything frankly, tell me thoroughly about the army, vocational schools, in short about later life. Ask: “What are you going to live on, baby? Do you want to drive a car and work while sitting on your butt?” We must not explain “what is good and what is bad,” but we must make him understand that life punishes us for mistakes. terrible force and for such naked irresponsibility only three things await him in the future: a vocational school with a meager salary, a prison cell with the prisoners, or a small grave in a Chechen village. We have to put everything in this light: his parents don’t care at all, even if it’s on his ears, but in the future he won’t receive a penny from the aforementioned parents, otherwise he apparently decided that childhood was too good to fall out of; Look, he’ll hang his legs from your neck and will sit like that until he’s old and kicking ass. We must make them understand through their active actions that nothing falls from the sky by itself and parents will not be able to support their child forever and until he realizes this, there is no point in fighting: only he alone can cope with this UNIVERSAL EVIL. The only thing you can do in this situation is to take a tough position: all the joys of life (TV, computer, etc., etc.) have come to an end. You NEED to directly state that after the army he will do whatever he wants and you won’t care. Lastly, you can practice old method, effectively pushing the child's thought processes - the father's belt. As one philosopher used to say, “bodily suffering strengthens the spirit.” I myself am a pacifist and do not recognize violence, but in the fight against UNIVERSAL EVIL, also called LAZINESS, all methods are good. Yes, to be honest, I’m lazy too, we are all lazy to some extent, but some fight laziness and drive Mercedes, while others don’t fight and become homeless. If it finally dawns on him that he belongs to the latter, then perhaps all is not lost for you,” - Cheerful Anonymous, 15 years old.

The most amazing thing is that it worked. Our tank teacher has become much softer towards my child, and no longer gives C grades.

Well, also relax your child yourself, because he is clearly overexerting himself, overestimating the importance of everything that happens at school. Explain that even getting a deuce or a count is not fatal. It's not scary. You just have to try, work, then your grades will improve. And in general, the meaning of life is not in grades - a child should know this too :)

You know, in such cases I begin to clarify, narrow down the problem or something. What if it helps you too? Something like this: “Are you afraid that they will scold you? And if Marivanna got sick and another teacher came, wouldn’t you be afraid? What kind of person would you like her to be? What if we ask Marvanna not to give you grades at all for a week, and you try yourself with all your might? Or try to negotiate so that she doesn’t call you at all? What if you give grades, but only in a notebook, without words? And if you could only avoid going to some lessons, which ones would you miss?” In that spirit. Then it is at least clear what exactly the child is trying to avoid. Maybe it can be fixed, he just doesn't know it.

But about the rat. I understand you very well. I myself am terrified of rats/mice, which I explained to the children. They ask for a dog, but no one is home during the day, and even the children considered hiring a nanny for a dog to be something out of the ordinary. So we agreed to get a dog when our eldest turns 13.

Okay, I'll write here what I can. :)
We came for the first time on Monday, March 18th. About 12 o'clock. The weather was sunny, gorgeous, warm. The first thing that impressed me was the non-standard building, a small 4-story mansion made of red brick with huge glass. Well, purely “the house of the new Russian”! :)

Further - more: in school yard walking along specially equipped paths... was a real little white horse, terribly beautiful and clean, with a wreath of bright colors, the tail is braided. As we later found out, this miracle’s name is Zozulya. In the depths of her yard there is a one-story, white, pretty house. Goats, rabbits and others still live there...

They looked at the horse, Igorek immediately screamed: “This is the kind of school I’ll go to!” Well, off we go. :)

We go inside - right at the entrance there is a huge hall, on the walls on one side there are glass shelves with children's crafts made of clay, weaving and blacksmithing things, beautiful tapestries hang on the walls, embroidered (as it later turned out) by teachers. On the other side there are leather sofas, a TV, and a piano. There, parents sit and wait, apparently, for their children, and right there in the hall they sell some strange sweets, tea, and coffee. For a symbolic price. The sweets turned out to be soy, homemade, they were made right there, sprinkled with coconut. I asked the woman who was with the candy how to find the director.

She showed me where to go and we went. It turned out to be quite easy to talk with the director, she mostly listened, did not say anything radical, the only thing she asked was to arrange something like registration (since we do not have a Moscow residence permit). I don’t know how to do it yet. But I will work on it.

Another director (her name is Alexandra Mikhailovna) suggested that we go to preparatory classes. They have them on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

On Tuesday and Thursday we had time to walk around (then the holidays began).

On Tuesday, the first half of the children were given a ride on a horse, and some of the more “advanced” ones were given tasks such as clapping their hands, touching their legs with their hands, etc., and all this while the horse was moving! My Igor was delighted! He fed the horse crackers and looked at other animals.

Then there was a lesson. The children were given copybooks, and they diligently wrote the hooks and read the lines. But all this is very short-lived and not very burdensome. But mine got tired already on the second key, and he began to whine.

On Thursday the first lesson was music. Children (about 7 people) were in such a cozy attic with a sloping ceiling and a large, wall-length window, there were chairs and a soft carpet, and a piano. There they danced in a circle and sang songs with them. I wasn’t there myself, because they asked the parents of those children who could stay alone to wait in the hall.

Then there was a lesson again, where the children selflessly walked through the labyrinth in search of treasure. All lessons must be attended by parents, because some children cannot concentrate, and they constantly need to be “guided.”

The last activity is clay modeling. I wasn’t there personally either, because... Igorek is happy to do such things himself. He made me a huge heart and even made a hole with a pencil so I could hang it on a string. :) Since it was like an impressive stone in weight and size, I didn’t hang it around my neck; we adapted it in the apartment.

That seems to be all. Yes, the children there are different, everyone is mostly 7 and 8 children, we are the youngest. In terms of level, we do not stand out in any way, either for the better or for the worse, approximately at the same level as the other children. The director even suggested that we wait a year, saying that there was nothing special about it. But we’ve already got our minds set up... It will be hard to replay.

There seems to be an equal number of girls and boys, two girls are clearly autistic in their behavior, but, to be honest, I didn’t ask my parents, I was somehow embarrassed. There are ordinary boys, in my opinion, generally problem-free, there are hyperactive ones, there are superhyperactive ones, there are “brakes”. Girls, in my opinion, are more problematic, at least those that I have seen.

We really liked the teacher - a man, curvy, very affectionate with children, with a special defectologist. education. He hammers everything in quite easily, doesn’t “force”, doesn’t dominate. As I understood from conversations, he will teach the first class in the new academic year. Now he teaches 4th grade, and after graduating, he will take the kids in September.

In my opinion, it is very rare to have a male teacher. Although there are quite a few male teachers in this school, oddly enough. Here they also had a man doing clay modeling.

They also have drawing, but we didn’t get in because the teacher was sick.

How to get there: priority - for residents of the South-Eastern Administrative District, even higher priority - for those who live in Lefortovo. District school. If from another district, you need to get some directions and certificates, I don’t know for sure, I’ll check. But if we register, we will fall under the category of “residents of Lefortovo”.

The classes there are small - maximum 10 people. The entire school is designed for 310 people, but the actual number of students is about 400. These are from grades 1 to 11. The school is not auxiliary, it is general education, where high school students study 4 languages ​​(to choose from), and have a good track record in computer science.

Here.
Questions? Don't hesitate to ask. Because I myself somehow don’t even know what to write, and what interests anyone.

Every morning begins with a little shock: “HOW?!” ALREADY?!". Yes, it’s 07.10, and that means that’s it, we’ve arrived, we have to get up and wake up the angry child. Outside the window - if you can see it. I’m sitting on my bed and thinking that the excuses “oh well, there’s no need to go to this press job” don’t work in the case of school.
Dress up like two zombies underwater. Thank you, children get breakfast at school. Taking advantage of my condition, Masha puts another spoonful of sugar into the tea. At least I notice one. “Sugar has a lot of energy,” she says in the voice of a sleepyhead from a teapot.
It takes about 10 minutes to walk to school. It takes longer in the snow. I almost always carry the briefcase. If you google this question, it turns out that, according to various sources, a first-grader’s backpack cannot be heavier than 1.5-2.5 kg with all the junk. To this end, at one time it was proposed to divide textbooks into two parts to make them easier. Divided, each part was printed in an enlarged format, on good paper, in a laminated cover. The same thing happened, but twice.

Diary - remember, it was like a thick notebook? Now this is also a hardcover book. In addition to textbooks, you need to carry all sorts of fancy things like boxes with wooden counting material. Remember the Soviet homemade cash register of numbers, letters and syllables? In general, before, not only was the water wetter, but also the cash register of numbers was easier... And there were no “printed notebooks” - a hybrid of a notebook and a textbook. One day, in a rage, I weighed my briefcase on a typical Tuesday: 4 and a half kilos...

I’m carrying a briefcase, Masha is swinging a bag of shoes and a bag of gym uniform. There are sneakers there, after five minutes she starts creaking, which makes her uncomfortable, I take the bag and carry it.

On Friday the bag was replaced by skis. I immediately carried the skis and boots. But the gymnast encouraged through Masha that “if the weather is unclear, bring both skis and uniform.” Fuck her. If the weather is unclear, I won’t take anything. I'm a sleepyhead too, I want to go to the teapot...

Lord, it’s the middle of the day, and I really want to sleep... This mode is absolutely not my thing. And in the evening after work, the second shift is checking lessons. At first I approached this liberally: don’t you want to do your homework? No need to. Explain yourself later. But the recent “sadness” and “hormone” showed that this is the wrong method. You need to look into the lessons. But it's no use. When Masha says: “How to write a yacht - with a green square with two antennae?”, I can only intelligently ask: “What?”

Instead of learning to write and read, first graders dissect words. I don’t know which of them is interested in the fact that the word “yacht” is represented by five squares, some of them are green, some are blue, there are also red ones and somewhere on top there is a bell, and perhaps something else, but I’m just afraid to go deeper. Because I want to sleep from morning to evening and don’t want to go to school.

But there are also joys. At our school there is a “flight class” - some kind of simulator, and children are taken there as an after-school program. The idea is that by the end of school they will be able to fly an airplane. Yesterday Masha sadly said that, yes, she went there for the first time, and her fighter fell and exploded. The girl had a busy day. The fighter was killed during an after-school program. This alone is worth getting up at 07.10.

“I don’t want to do my homework!”, “It’s school again!”, “Hurry up for vacation!” Each parent has heard this from their child at least once, and for some, the educational process turns into a real daily confrontation. Schoolchildren can be understood: education system, alas, is far from ideal. However, parents can compensate for school deficiencies and make sure that their child learns with pleasure. We collected 5 effective advice– start using them today and within a week you will see the first results!

Replace punishment with reward

Our culture tends to pay attention to failures, but successes are often taken for granted. Train yourself to constantly praise your child, even if from the outside his achievement looks like an insignificant trifle. Exclamations like “well done”, “clever” or “great” are not suitable: it is necessary to describe in words what was done. “You painted this square so evenly, you never went beyond the boundaries”, “Only five minutes to solve the problem, wow!”, “How neatly this line is written, I see you tried very hard”, “Have you already learned the poem? What a good memory you have!”

This also works with hated copybooks in the first grade: do not point out to the child poorly written letters, it is better to emphasize those that came out best. Even if the entire line consists of terrible curveballs, you can always find the least terrible one and praise it. Believe me, this works much better than reproaches in the style of “you’re not trying at all!” or “write more carefully!”

With a little practice, you will master the skill of constant encouragement, and your child will feel much calmer and more confident, and will try his best to ensure that you always have a reason for praise.

Add life to textbooks

School textbooks can put even an adult to sleep, not to mention restless schoolchildren. Try to dilute the boring theory with interesting practice or just examples from life. Cut an apple into slices to explain the addition of fractions, find photographs of Angara and Lena to illustrate the topic " Eastern Siberia", tell us how knowing the formula for circumference helps engineers tune the performance of cars, plant a seed and watch how it takes root. Not enough time, imagination or knowledge? Search engines can help you! The Internet is chock-full of educational content - you just need to choose the right one. The main thing is to dilute the dry lines of textbooks, fill them with life and understandable to a child images, and the receptive childhood memory will do the rest.

Use modern technologies

Modern children do not get out of their smartphones, which means they can (and should!) be used for learning, thanks to special mobile applications enough. Good example– online quiz Trivia Crack, which provides serious knowledge on almost everything in an entertaining way school subjects– history, geography, literature, mathematics and others. Like any game, Trivia Crack has an element of competition that takes learning in a whole new direction. The child himself will not notice how he finds himself involved in the process, and game form information will be remembered much faster and better.

In some European and American schools, teachers even hold Trivia Crack competitions between classes: whoever answers the most relevant questions wins. Our schools have not yet reached this point, but at home no one is stopping you from trying modern technologies. In addition to interest in learning, this approach will bring another bonus: your child will perceive you not as old-fashioned “ancestors,” but as modern parents who “fumble around.” This brings us together great!

Rule out external causes

Loss of interest in studying may be due to some external factors. Maybe your child is being teased by his classmates? Or did the teacher scold you? Or he doesn't like the new one school uniform? Or are you too strict with your son or daughter and only demand excellent grades? The psyche of children cannot always resist stress, and then it turns on defensive reaction: the child avoids doing his homework in every possible way, refuses to go to school, and may even get sick (doctors call this psychosomatics).

Your task is to find out what is bothering the child. Try to gently question him, show him that you are worried and ready to help. Just do not under any circumstances devalue childhood experiences, even if they seem insignificant to you. You can’t advise “be smart and don’t pay attention” to a son who is being teased by his classmates, or say “come on, normal shape” to a daughter who doesn’t like the reflection in the mirror. In such cases, psychologists advise sharing his feelings with the child so that he feels supported. Imagine yourself in his place. Say: “It’s terribly offensive when they tease you,” “It’s so unpleasant when the teacher scolds you in front of the class,” “You don’t feel beautiful in that blouse.” Compassion will allow the child to get rid of stress and help restore interest in learning.

Take an unscheduled day off

Or maybe your child is just tired? Requirements to modern schoolchildren are high, so by the middle of the quarter he may simply not have the strength left for getting up early and doing homework, especially if after school he still attends any clubs or sections. Take a day off - right in the middle of the week! Let your child sleep, go to the cinema or for a walk together, let him do what he wants - even lie on the bed and do nothing. In one day, your student is unlikely to fall far behind educational process, but the next time he will go to school full of energy.