Daria Dontsova: Writing speed is genetically determined. This does not affect the quality of the text

In the late 90s, Daria Dontsova survived a severe cancer disease, and when she managed to defeat the disease, she decided that she should help other women survive and win in the same situation. Therefore, I began to actively participate in the “Together against Breast Cancer” charity foundation. She not only donates large sums from his fees, but also participates in various fund activities, and in his radio program “The Pill for Depression” and at meetings with readers he invariably talks about charity, good deeds.

Recently the most popular writer Russia (the total circulation of its detective stories has exceeded 130 million copies) presented in St. Petersburg its novel “The Sprawling Cranberry of Hollywood,” the opening of its new book series “Fortune’s Favorite Stepanida Kozlova,” and also answered questions from “Good Deed.”

Our stars, helping sick children, are afraid of being misunderstood...

— Daria, many Western stars participate in various charity events, there this is not considered something surprising... Why are such examples still rare among our celebrities?

“But we also have a lot of such examples, it’s just that not everyone talks about their good deeds, not everyone wants to advertise on it. And this is an indicator that people engage in charity based on their hearts and conscience. You see, it's not that hard for a very rich person to give a couple of million dollars to a charity. Just sign a piece of paper or tell the secretary: “Transfer through the bank.” It is much more difficult to give up your precious time. I really value such examples when a woman comes to a children's oncology hospital with the words: “I have a car, I can meet one of your patients who comes from another city, bring him to the clinic, help his parents, allow his family wash at home in my bathroom.” This is also charity, although it is not related to money.

As for our artists, many of whom are my friends from ancient times, I know for certain that not only Joseph Davydovich Kobzon helps several orphanages, but Philip Kirkorov also helps orphanages and clinics. Don’t be surprised, even Sergei Zverev helps several orphanages. Why don’t they talk about this... this is their exclusively personal internal matter! There is Ira Muromtseva, the presenter of Channel One, together we call “Ambassadors Against Breast Cancer,” and I know that Ira works a lot with cancer patients. Why doesn't he tell? Although I don’t shout about it at every corner either.

- But there is another point of view on this matter: famous people should, on the contrary, talk about their good deeds, attracting the attention of the general public to these problems... Chulpan Khamatova followed this path, and her “Gift of Life” foundation achieved impressive results!

- This is a double-edged sword. We still have our own mentality. And if tomorrow Joseph Davydovich Kobzon stands up to his full height and says who and how many children he helped, then the first thing the press will write about him is: “Kobzon is doing PR for himself.” And he, as you might guess, doesn’t want this at all. In the same way, Philip Kirkorov, towards whom the press is initially negative, does not want to either. The media have formed the image of a brawler, and if Philip now starts telling how he went to see a very sick girl fan, how he bought a TV for a disabled boy in St. Petersburg, the press will attack the singer: “Kirkorov is doing PR for himself.” And after the concert he goes to this girl, this boy, gives in the distant orphanage free concert and does not invite television cameras, photojournalists...

— Do you often go to hospitals and meet people who need support and help?

- Often. Just recently I came from Kaluga, where our foundation, together with the Gazmash association, organized a big charity event for children from an oncology hospital. The children were successfully treated, but, however, everyone was wearing masks. We organized a party for them - clowns, actors, cake, gifts. Parents of sick children were also invited, close relatives also need support and participation, because sometimes it is easier to get sick yourself than to watch your child get sick.

“My mission is to make people’s lives better, kinder, more fun...”

— You are a successful, energetic woman, you always radiate optimism... Have you always been such a positive, self-confident person?

— You see what’s the matter, optimism and self-confidence are two different things. My self-confidence is actually very bad, because I am not a very confident person, especially in the morning, when I look at myself in the mirror, see something unfamiliar from there and tell him: “I don’t know you, but I’ll paint you!” (Laughs.) As for optimism... I have always believed that any problems must be solved. Okay, now I’ll sit down and cry that I was kicked out of work, my company closed... But the job won’t appear on its own if I’m sitting at home, sobbing into my pillow? So I poured snot, and then I have to get up and go look for work.

— How religious and church-going are you?

- I Orthodox man, but I don't really like to talk about it. A churched person, not a churched person - this has now become very fashionable. But this is such an intimate and personal part of life, and in general, my confessor always says that God is inside a person. There was a case when my father told one parishioner to stop fasting. He entered the church and heard this parishioner very loudly and actively talking about how she fasted - how good she was, how correct she was. She screamed so loudly about it, he came up to her and said: “Mother, from this day on you will not keep the fast.” This is a kind of punishment for a man who talked a lot about his religion.

- Daria, you are the most successful Russian writer…Your books sell 1 million copies every month. A million a month is mind boggling... At the same time, you are constantly getting involved in some radio programs, TV projects that take up a lot of time... What motivates you?

— By and large, one thing: my responsibility to people who have cancer. I have my own author's program, which is called “The Depression Pill.” IN different options it switched from “Russian Radio” to “Mayak”, from “Mayak” to “Komsomolskaya Pravda”, from “KP” to “First Popular”, because each radio program lives for two or three years, no more. These are the laws of the genre. Then, as a rule, the format changes, but I don’t want to change it.

I just have to tell people that it’s not scary, that a person can recover, everything in life can be good, any trouble can be dealt with. And not only in terms of illness. In addition, any disease brings with it a heap of problems, because, as you know, trouble does not come alone. If your husband leaves, it doesn’t matter, there will be another, or maybe you don’t need a husband at all. There is no need to expect gratitude from children - there are no ungrateful children, there are stupid parents who expect gratitude. I do this four times a week because I really feel sorry for my readers. In the minds of many of them great amount problems that can be completely avoided.

- You work as a therapist!

- I'm trying! Because there are a huge number of women and men who are told by everyone around them that they are depressed. And depression is a severe clinical diagnosis when a person lies face to the wall and does not speak. But if you were fired from your job, it’s not depression. If you don't want to work, that's laziness! When a person understands this, he stops crying into his pillow... It is important for me to set people up for a wave of kindness and understanding.

An inconsolable mother calls: “My son is homosexual, what should I do?” I asked: “Do you love your son? If you love, you must accept him as he is. He will not improve if he is a genetic homosexual... But first, take him to a psychotherapist to find out - is this real or feigned homosexuality? Most men have had homosexual contacts once, but not all have had them!

Many questions arise in connection with oncology...

The radio presenter receives little money, so we remove the financial side; on radio and TV they don’t give any bonuses for stardom... You see, there are strong people, and there are weak people. If a person is strong, he must definitely “drag” someone less strong with him and show him that in different life situations there is a way out. And secondly, if you show willpower, courage, step on your own laziness, then you will emerge victorious from this situation, do you understand what’s the matter? I am obviously stronger than many of my readers, and therefore I am trying to “drag” them with me in some way. They start telling me: “Well, after the oncological operation I will be bald, after hormone therapy I will be fat and generally disabled.” I answer: “Well, here I am: not bald, not fat and not disabled.” Two arms, two legs, one head - and you have the same thing. You and I are anatomically very similar organisms, you will be treated the same way as me. I recovered, but what prevents you from recovering? That's the whole conversation. Everything is very simple. And such conversations work very well.

— But there is a charitable component to this activity?

“I probably survived so that people would have more fun and a better life.” If I stop doing this, they will remove me - Game Over, it is not needed here, it does not fulfill its vital function. This is how I explain this whole situation. A sick person needs to be told that he will recover, that everything will be fine, that he will be cured, even if this is not true. However, I never broadcast. They ask me - I answer. I always say that I am not a psychologist or a doctor. If you ask me how I would get out of this situation, this is how I would get out of it - this is my experience. Whether it suits you or not is your business. I always say, if you fell on the road and sprained your finger, and then for the remaining 40 years of your life you carry this finger like this and tell everyone: “I am disabled, I am sick, help me, please,” then I will not respect you, this not the same situation.

— Do you feel nourished by your listeners? Perhaps this switching later helps you in your writing?

- No, the situation is different here. I have many friends in so-called “show business” circles, mostly singers. Many people tell me that when an artist goes into the hall, he has such a drive, an energy boost. But you know, the radio broadcast is a kind of emptiness: here you are sitting, you have a microphone, ears and, as a rule, it’s night, people are not sleeping, all this is still curtained. I rather get very tired when I leave the studio. My task is not to receive, but on the contrary, to “shove” something into the listener’s head so that he stops crying at that moment. A positive energy And positive emotions I will get it from my dogs - I will take my pugs at home and go to bed with them. I have four pugs - three beige and one black. They are alimony puppies, all from different dogs, but they live in the same family, friendly. Their names are Musya, Fira, Kapa, ​​Fenya, the cat San Sanych and a turtle of unknown gender, which we call Hera - either a man or a woman...

It's not that bad...

— Tell me, the opportunity to recover after such a serious illness as you had depends on higher powers or the person himself?

— In fact, the cancerophobia of Soviet people has very distant roots. IN Soviet years They never made a diagnosis on the doctor’s card, they put the letters there - A, B, C-75. A person came, the doctor saw that he had oncology, but there was an order not to say that he had oncology. The first stage is surgery, treatment, but not talking. That's why they said - lipoma, that's why they said - fibroma, a lot of such things. A person ended up in an oncology department, they explained to him - this is a fibroma, you need to operate, do histology, and we will release you healthy. They let us go, often without even telling our relatives. They released a person cured of oncology with a bulletin “disease N-758”. He went to the accounting department (“I have fibroids”) and moved on, forgetting about oncology for the rest of his life. But when they said that it was oncology, that means it was stage 4 and everything was very bad, do you understand what’s the matter? Therefore, there was a feeling that everything was predetermined: oncology, and then the crematorium. And everyone was silent about the huge mass of people who were cured even in the 1960s, when there were no modern medicines.

Now we have the other extreme: medicine has said that we must tell the patient that he has serious illness. How many patients we ourselves have given birth to... But even if a woman has cervical cancer, how many such women give birth to children after surgery! Take the statistics, go to the website of the 62nd Moscow City Hospital! Ten years ago, 98 percent of children with leukemia in this country died or went abroad. And now the situation has changed dramatically - 98 percent of children are recovering... Go to the website of the Kaluga Children's Regional Hospital, all these statistics are presented there. And please don’t write - it’s fatal, incurable. Somebody, somewhere, once told me that everyone dies from cancer... Who, where, when - show me the document! Take real papers, it says something completely different! It's not really that tragic. Start by simply going to the doctor once every six months and take care of your health yourself.

— You have said more than once that your detective stories have a psychotherapeutic effect, although this beautiful fairy tales... And you yourself are capable of sacrificial acts, for example, to help to a stranger?

— At a meeting with readers in St. Petersburg, I was reproached that, supposedly, it doesn’t happen as I described, that two friends live in the same apartment and raise children... But this is my real situation. Many years ago I worked at the newspaper “Evening Moscow”, I had my own apartment, which is rare for Moscow, because I was just over 20. I already had a child, however, I gave birth to a child very early without a father - it was a classic single mother without child support, but with a small boy. And one woman worked as the secretary of our editor-in-chief, and one day, passing by, I saw that she was sitting and sobbing. I asked: “Why are you crying?” - “Mom kicked me out of the apartment.” There was one life story, she had nowhere to go. I took her in, and we lived together for either six or seven years. Then she married an Italian, went to live in Italy, now she is some kind of Italian countess - do you feel Dasha Vasilyeva?

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“I get up at 6 am”

Instagrams run by your pug dogs mention that you get up at 6am every day. Is it really true?

Yes, I get up at 6 in the morning, because I am not only a writer and TV presenter - no one has relieved me of the duties of a wife and mother. I have assistants, I have a housekeeper, but I always cook in the house myself.

- What do you like to eat?

Fish in any form, except fried, vegetables, fruits. Doctors forbade me to eat meat products - not exactly, but somehow limit myself to them. But since I never really liked them anyway - neither sausage, nor meat, nor frankfurters - the refusal was very easy.

- When you cook meat for your family, is there any temptation to try a piece?

Absolutely! I don’t like it, so I cook it completely calmly. In our family we have never had any special gastronomic problems. The only thing is that we always cook soup. There are a lot of men in the house, so somehow it’s traditional that there’s not a day without soup. But we always cook it in water or vegetable broth, not in meat broth. And for variety, we sometimes add two tablespoons of processed cheese to any hot vegetarian soup. It turns out very tasty.

“I don’t believe in magic pills”

- How do you manage to be so graceful and slender? Do you have a special diet?

For those who want to always be in good shape, I can only advise one thing: eat less and exercise - there’s simply nothing else! All stories about " magic pills”, with which you can eat everything and still lose weight, is not true. Diet is not a one-time promotion, but a lifestyle. If you live with your mouth “gagged” for two weeks, and then, having lost a couple of kilograms, you “untie it”, then not only will the lost kilograms return, but you will also bring a couple of friends with you. I have foods that I never eat at all. Mayonnaise, smoked products, meat. I don’t buy sausage, but pate, boiled pork, roast beef - I make everything myself. I buy meat from the market and cook it at home.

I also play sports, go to the gym three times a week - unfortunately, at night. I get there at 8 pm because I have no other time.

- How do you rest?

At home. I come in the evening, collect all my dogs, and go to bed. Forgive me for the indecent confession - I eat in bed, although I know that it is very bad, it is a disgrace, but I do it. And I feel good, happy and healthy!

The writer is a frequent visitor to the fitness room, where she easily stretches. Photo: Instagram.com

HELP "KP":

At 64 years old, he stretches at the machine.

Daria DONTSOVA (real name - Agrippina Arkadyevna Dontsova) is one of those rare women who does not hide her age (born June 7, 1952). And all because at 64 years old, she, a mother of two children and grandmother of two grandchildren, looks fit, fresh, full of energy and optimism.

Everyone knows that the author of ironic detective stories survived a terrible disease - breast cancer (diagnosed in 1998), but managed to defeat it. Dontsova calls on women who find themselves in a similar situation not to give up: “If they told you “oncology,” this does not mean that the next station is “crematorium.”

“Many years ago, I began to tell journalists: oncology is conquerable,” Dontsova wrote on her page on social networks. - They didn’t want to listen to me, but I repeated these words, repeated them, and put on TV programs. I was the first to speak openly on screen about breast cancer. And I’m proud that now this disease is no longer considered shameful, that women have begun to be checked and to calmly go for surgery.”

BY THE WAY

According to the Russian Book Chamber, Dontsova ranks first in the country among adult authors fiction based on the total annual circulation of published books. In 2015, 117 titles of books and brochures by Dontsova were published in Russia with a total circulation of 1 million 968 thousand copies.

SPECIFICALLY

Simple ways to become an optimist

- Daria, you always smile and good mood. What's your secret?

Actually, I already wrote my tips on my Instagram page. But I repeat again.

1. Mine main enemy looks at me from the mirror. We need to educate ourselves every day, not those around us.

2. You shouldn’t try to change those around you, you should change yourself.

3. You must love yourself and your loved ones.

4. You should never show aggression.

5. Whether I will be happy or unhappy depends only on me.

6. No matter what happens to me, I first of all think that the Lord will manage everything, will certainly help, I read the prayer of the Optina elders, the 90th Psalm and do not panic.

7. Every Sunday I go to liturgy, confess, take communion, and fast. I know that the Lord will give me everything, but only at the moment when He deems it necessary. I understand that we are on Earth in order to save our soul, so I am not angry with those who do me bad, I am grateful to ill-wishers, they teach me to be tolerant and calm.

8. I don’t divide people into good and bad, I don’t condemn anyone. The one who is bad for me is good for another person.

9. I don't argue.

10. The husband is the main one in the family.

11. I don't complain about life.

12. When I am guilty, I ask for forgiveness.

13. I try to live by the commandments.

14. I have true friends.

15. It’s good to have money, but my happiness does not depend on it, and there are some things I will never do even for billions.

16. If I don't understand something, I'll ask.

17. I see only the good in people.

18. I'm not offended.

19. I work a lot.

20. I'm always in a good mood.

21. I don’t sort things out.

22. I enjoy little things.

23. I don't envy anyone.

And I am happy. It's simple. If you want to be happy, believe in God and educate yourself every day without getting tired.

“In front of the camera, the tooth fell out again. We stuck it on the gum and continued filming. The tooth was lost all the time back then,” says Daria Dontsova.

“Oh, that was very funny.” It was unexpected to hear this from Daria Dontsova in a conversation about breast cancer, which she survived. But the famous detective writer believes that whining in the fight against cancer is harmful and inappropriate.

“You should see an oncologist”

I found out about my oncology by accident. I have felt discomfort in the chest area for a long time, but... special significance I didn’t attach any importance to this. I went on vacation to Tunisia with my family and a friend who is a surgeon. I remember we were standing in a booth, changing clothes, and then a friend asked: “What is this?” I answer with a laugh: “In my old age, my bust has grown, can you imagine? I was always minus the first size, and then suddenly such wealth arrived!” I see her face has changed: “We urgently need to fly to Moscow, immediately!” But I stayed. I have a husband and child here. How can I leave, I soviet woman. Once you come to rest, you can’t let your family down...

In Moscow, too, I didn’t rush to see a doctor: I thought it was just mastopathy. And then I woke up in the morning and saw bloody stains on the pillow. I should have called that same surgeon friend so that she could advise which doctor to go to, but I’m smarter than everyone else! I went to the district clinic. I showed up to the doctor, who, looking away, said: “You should see an oncologist.” I went to the doctor to whom I was referred. An uncle of about 50 years old is sitting. “Oh, girl, what village did you come from?” - “I’m a Muscovite.” “Why, you, Muscovite, never went for examination? You have three months left to live. The fourth stage of oncology. Everything is very bad, no one will undertake the operation. Unless I decide. But you need to pay this much to the anesthesiologist, this much to the older sister, this much is the cost of chemotherapy, this much radiation, this much, this much...” The amounts fell on me like stones. My husband and I don’t have that kind of money. Sell ​​the apartment?!

“Marry my husband!”

I left the hospital, sat at the bus stop and roared. What should I do now? The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, everyone will live, but I will not be there. I cried and cried, then I thought: “I have three children, two grandmothers, a pack of dogs and cats. Grandmothers - mother and mother-in-law - of course, are good, but God forbid, their characters are just a nightmare. Who can stand my old women? Yes, no one, no one to give them to. My husband is 47 years old, Doctor of Science, professor, he won’t remain a widower for long, someone will marry him right away. What about children? Okay boys, they're almost adults. But Masha is 10 years old, how can she be without a mother? What will happen to the dogs and cats? It became so sour. We need to find some way out, I think. Do you know what came to mind? I remembered everything about the same surgeon-friend Oksana. She is not married, she cooks well, her son is my Masha’s best friend. She needs to marry my husband! I got on the bus and went to see her. Tears are dripping, snot is flowing, the handkerchief is wet... The conductor looked at me and didn’t even take the money. She probably thought: “Oh, this is bad, my aunt got stuck at the “Oncological Hospital” stop.”

I entered my friend’s apartment and declared from the threshold: “You must marry my husband.” We must give her credit, Oksana instantly replied: “Of course! Just explain the reason." I told you everything. She exploded: “This doctor is an idiot, they don’t draw any conclusions without tests, he scams patients out of money! Scoundrel!

And she gave me the phone number Igor Anatolyevich Groshev, with whom I once worked together. Of course, I immediately rushed to him, saw my dear young man, who after the examination told me: “I can’t say that we see a pleasant picture here, but we will be treated.” - “So, don’t die?” - I ask. "Everyone will die, but you - obviously not now." These words had a very good effect on me then. But I left the hospital and started crying again. The worst thoughts were spinning in my head... What will happen if I die? And then... Just don't laugh! A week before I found out about the disease, I hung curtains in the house. I chose dark burgundy beautiful material, I sewed it myself. But my children and husband criticized me: it became very dark in the rooms, the curtains need to be changed. Naturally, I was indignant: “No, I won’t take it off!” And for several days we had the same conversation in our house: everyone in my family said: “Mom, give us back the old curtains.” I’m driving after meeting Groshev and thinking: “After my death, my husband will get married, a woman will come to the house, she will take off my curtains.” And I got so angry! Immediately the tears dried up, I decided: “We have to do something. They promised me: I won’t die. That’s why I’ll fight.”

I was treated at Hospital No. 69, free of charge. She has undergone several operations. Two large ones, several hours each. When they start telling me that all this is impossible to endure because of the pain, it’s so funny. You're sleeping under anesthesia, you don't feel anything. And the postoperative period is also not painful. But there’s a little trouble: your arm can’t rise afterwards because the lymph node is removed. Some of the women complain: “I had a breast amputation many years ago, you see, my arm is hanging, you understand how badly they operated on me.” As a rule, I answer: “The doctor did everything well, the arm just needs to be worked out, done special exercises. This is unpleasant, but if you are lazy, you will be disabled. There’s no need to feel sorry for yourself, it hinders your recovery.”

“I’m being hunted like a rat!” - I thought"

After chemotherapy, as a rule, I feel nauseous. I have a book called "My Husband's Wife" written on the toilet. It was the third or fourth chemo, and I didn’t feel very well, to put it mildly. Our apartment in a Stalinist building had a large bathroom, where I sat on a bench and wrote a novel. When I felt bad, I put down my pen, lifted the toilet lid, then closed it and sat down on the bench again to write a book. I was afraid to go far.

When you go through chemotherapy, you get tired. “Chemistry” is poison, but you can’t live without it; it kills “bad” cells, which after surgery can spread throughout the body through the bloodstream. Chemotherapy is our chance for life. When people refuse such treatment, it is such stupidity! You are losing the opportunity to recover. I remember there was funny situation. I took a course of medication called cyclophosphamide. I went to the flower shop to buy pots for plants. I see near the entrance a huge bag with the inscription: “Cyclophosphamide, poison for fighting garden rodents.” I thought: “Oh-oh-oh! I’m being hunted like a rat, how interesting!”

Because of the chemotherapy, just the sight of food made me sick. All the time. Every minute. It was much more unpleasant than losing my hair. They usually fall out slowly. And I woke up one morning and felt like my head was somehow cold. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror: “Who is this?” For a second it seemed like someone I didn’t know had entered. And then I understand: I’m bald. How should I react to this? The bathroom is open, my daughter rushes in and says in surprise: “Ahhhhh...” Enters middle son Dima looks at me silently. I finally found something to say: “I should probably put on a headscarf and go to work.” At this moment, Masha, who was 11 years old, is carried away somewhere. 10 minutes later he comes running with a wig, they were then selling them near our house in underground passage. My daughter pulls a wig on me and says: “Mom, you are beautiful!” Dima is standing behind: “Mom, you are the best!” And at that time we had a dog, a black poodle... I looked at myself in the mirror, and Cherry was looking at me from there. In any case, our “hairstyles” were exactly the same. It's hot, summer... I went to work. And a wig is a warm hat. The subway is stuffy, the wig is synthetic, poor quality, shiny, terrible... At some point I understand: I’m about to faint. I took off my hair and put it in my bag. The people who were sitting nearby were dumbfounded. I think they will remember me for the rest of their lives.

My hair fell out unevenly and stuck out like bushes. My husband and I had a friend Volodya Tsekhnovicher, candidate psychological sciences. And his wife is a hairdresser. I asked her to come and do something about my terrible head. What could be done with it? Just shave with a clipper. And here I am sitting in the bathroom, Katya turned her friend’s head into a billiard ball, and at that moment the door opens, Vovka appears, who knows nothing. She sees me bald, Katya with a typewriter, says three words that cannot be printed in a newspaper, and shouts: “O-o-o, stupid little girl, what did you do to her?!” This phrase has remained in our everyday life forever. I sometimes jokingly say to my friend: “Katka, you stupid petty girl, why did you do some nonsense again?”

When I was preparing to publish my first novel, it turned out that I needed a photograph for the cover. (Shows a book.) Admire this mummy. I weigh 32 or 33 kilos here, and I have dark hair. I've never been a brunette. An artist drew this hairstyle for me. It’s a little shocking to place a photo of a bald girl on the cover of a book...

You see, today I have a mane again. Most people's hair becomes better after chemotherapy, and some even start to curl. I kept waiting for me to have curls, but no, it didn’t work out.

And let the cancer choke!

I took hormones for 10 years. Because of the therapy, weight problems began. I can’t tell you how hungry I was, no, to eat! There was a period when I gained a kilogram per week. Before the operation, I weighed 45 kg, and then suddenly the scales showed 60. I realized: in a year it will become 72, and then 82. Something needs to be done. I removed half the food and left one instead of two cutlets. The weight fell, that was such a joy! And then the body got used to this diet - and the scale arrow began to move to the right again. I forgot about sweets, flour, fatty foods, potatoes, butter, cottage cheese. Then about everything else. In the end, I was left with a leaf of lettuce and half a zucchini. But she continued to gain weight! And then I went to fitness. I told the coach about my diagnosis and weight problems. Instructor Maxim started chasing me like a bug. And he still races, for more than 10 years. The weight gradually dropped off, and now I still weigh my 45 kg. I don’t want to say that it was easy for me, I went to the pastry department of the supermarket to smell the cakes. One time I look at the window and dream: “I’ll buy it and eat it around the corner. Nobody will see." And then a hundred-kilogram aunt pulls up to the counter: “I’ll have these 10 pieces, these 10.” I looked at her and decided: “No, I won’t eat potatoes.” And now I just don’t want sweets anymore.

Complexes about your appearance? There weren't any. There were problems that needed to be solved. For example, trouble started with my teeth. And for 5 years I was banned from using prosthetics - after radiation therapy I had poor blood clotting. The dentist came up with some things for me with screws that were used to secure the artificial teeth. I come to television to film. I fall out in front of the camera front tooth. I run to the dressing room: “Do something!” And they attach my tooth to chewing gum. Fortunately, after a few years, the doctor allowed me to put crowns.

Hair, teeth and weight are really nonsense. It is not important. The main thing is to understand that you can fight cancer and live quite comfortably. If you were told “oncology”, this does not mean that the next station is “crematorium”.

I admit, I was also in a depressed mood for some time due to my illness. But it turned out to be even more difficult for my entire family: a sobbing creature was walking around the house, reacting inappropriately to words. First “chemistry”, then hormones in the best possible way influenced my character... And then it became clear: I must not turn into a professional patient, otherwise cancer will eat me. There is no need to moan: “Why did this happen to me?” We need to understand WHY! Moreover, my illness is my luck! Because she is a chance to rethink and correct your life. I decided to continue to live cheerful and happy. I realized that I need to fight my own emotions, they can be controlled like arms and legs.

“You got rid of the traitor!”

I was lucky with the surgeon. Nothing can be brought into the intensive care unit for reasons of sterility. They usually stay there for 3-4 days, maximum - a week. And I settled in this block. Since several operations were planned and they were happening one after another, they decided not to take the sick Dontsova out of this ward at all. I was such a beauty: covered in tubes. After all, intensive care is not divided into male and female... I was unlucky: there were men lying next to me, whining endlessly. They opened their eyes in the morning and moaned: “We are going to die. We have pain there, we have pain here.” I'm so tired of them! I looked at them sideways and sideways, and then I said: “Guys, you will definitely die. I know a hundred pounds that it will be so - because you have already given up. But I’m not going to the next world.” All day long I dreamed: if only these terrible whiners would be taken away from me. I had to distract myself somehow... I complained to Igor Anatolyevich, my surgeon. And he told my husband: “Your wife is not very comfortable right now. Maybe you can come up with something? Alexander Ivanovich came home, grabbed the first children’s book he came across from the shelf so that it would serve as a “writing desk” for me, took a pack of paper, a pen and brought it all to the intensive care unit with the words: “You’ve dreamed of writing a book all your life.”

I sit and think: how do people write books? They probably start with the first phrase... The hand itself scribbled: “I got married many times.” And away we went, I just couldn’t stop. I left the hospital with three manuscripts.

And about those whiners... I recently talked with a major oncologist - we discussed a charity program. I asked, “Why do some people die from cancer while others are cured?” He boiled and pointed to the long corridor in his hospital: “Yes, in my department there are a lot of people who are dying because they are sure that they will die.”

And my husband, Doctor of Psychology, professor and academician, says this: “If in our society it was considered shameful (as it is shameful, for example, to walk naked down the street) to die before the age of 150, then we would all live more than 150.” years!" Everything is inside our head.

I now wear a prosthesis instead of a breast. Yes, you can make silicone implants, but I fundamentally abandoned this idea. My body already has enough surgical interventions. I really can’t understand the hype around a woman’s bust! Why does it have to be huge? Women often come up to me: “I had my breast amputated, and after the operation my husband left me, now I’m ugly, he couldn’t sleep in the same bed with me, he ran away.” I always answer: “Rejoice, you got rid of the traitor, there will be new love in your life.”

How did my husband react to my new body? Firstly, Alexander Ivanovich professional psychologist, secondly, he loves me very much. For us, the absence or presence of the bust does not matter; the main thing is that I remained alive.

“Healers” should be driven away!”

I always say: people, please learn from my stupidity! If I had seen a doctor earlier, had cancer diagnosed initial stage, many unpleasant sensations could have been avoided. You need to go to the doctors at least once a year. The first stage of breast cancer is cured in 98.5% of cases - this is more than with the flu. Just don’t go to psychics, grandmothers, or healers. How many times have I heard: drink kerosene - it helps a lot against cancer. Or eat chicken rotten eggs buried under a bush. I won't tell you everything" secret methods”, which are used by crooks to “treat” cancer. Such “healers,” in my opinion, should be severely punished, because they are, in essence, murderers. Once, I, a completely non-aggressive person, beat a similar “healer” on a recording of a famous TV show. This man began to say: “chemistry” is poisoning and killing us, but we just need to correct the aura, we will be treated by laying on of hands. And he started waving his arms... That’s when I hit him on the top of the head with the microphone!

I really don't like to say the words, “Look at me,” but right now they are appropriate. I am the same as millions of women in our country, I have the same sorrows and joys with you. And as an anatomical organism, I am similar to others, my liver, lungs, kidneys and heart work like other people. I am the same as you, both mentally and physically. Look at me, take my example. If I, who is so similar to you, managed to recover from cancer, what is stopping you from defeating cancer? Never give up!

Our conversation with Daria began with her phrase: “Did you want to hear something smart from the blonde? In vain! We didn't believe her and we were right. Her knowledge of life, logic, iron will and sense of humor made us believe that Daria controls her thoughts as well as her hands and feet.

OUR PSYCHOLOGY: Do you love yourself?

DARIA DONTSOVA: Yes, of course!

NP: What are you afraid of?

DD: Almost nothing.

NP: What is your method of dealing with stress?

I don’t experience stress at all, so I don’t have any special methods for dealing with it.

NP: Have you ever had depression?

DD: No, no and no. I generally think that there is none. Depression is a serious clinical diagnosis. When a person lies on the sofa, looks at the wall, does not eat, does not drink, refuses to get up, his hands are shaking, he feels sick, he has diarrhea - these are clinical signs of real depression. And if you don’t feel like going to work, then it’s laziness, not depression.

NP: What is happiness for you?

DD: A very global question. This is probably when my family is happy.

NP: Three things you respect most in a person?

DD: Hard work, honesty and the ability to not give up.

The novels of Daria Dontsova (Agrippina Arkadyevna Dontsova) are divided into five cycles, the main characters of which are similar to the author.

NP: Three things you hate most?

DD: There are no such things. If I accept a person, then I understand that he, like me, has shortcomings. If you don't like a person, don't be friends with him. There is no need for hatred here.

NP: Do you often lie?

DD: Constantly.

NP: Can love bring suffering?

DD: Well, probably yes. Although this is not my life experience.

NP: Once upon a time you had a very unusual name Agrippina. The fact that you changed it to Daria is just a tribute to your writing activity - you took a pseudonym - or were there other reasons?

DD: Agrippina looked very bad on the cover of the book. It's a long, heavy name. Probably, if I had remained Agrippina, then everyone would definitely have thought that this was a pseudonym. On the other hand, at one time I collected all sorts of “misunderstandings” about my name: my names were Antarctida Arkadyevna, Grechka Arkadyevna, Argentina Arkadyevna. Therefore, when the question arose about publishing books, and it arose when the publishing house already had twelve manuscripts, it became clear that it was necessary to find some shorter and more convenient name. I always liked Daria, and the heroine of the first books, Daria. This is where Daria came from on the cover.

NP: There is an opinion that when a person changes his name, his fate also changes. Is this true in your case?

DD: There is also an opinion that black cats bring bad luck, and if you meet a priest on the street, then you need to grab the keys. I wouldn’t rely too much on current opinions, because for every one folk wisdom there are fifty folk stupidities. No way, nothing has changed! Just as I had my beloved husband when I was Agrippina, so I still had him when I became Daria. According to my husband’s science, personality does not change: just as I couldn’t kick a stray dog ​​in a cheap shoe, I can’t kick it now in a Louboutin boot. Yes, the boot has changed, but the personality does not change. Other opportunities appeared in connection with writer's fees, but not like that.

NP: Many people feel unhappy, they believe that happiness will come on its own when a loved one appears, an apartment, new job And so on. How to learn to experience this feeling in existing circumstances? Do you agree that this can be learned?

DD: There is one little secret: Thoughts can be controlled like hands and feet. Thoughts are material. When the thought comes into your head that “I’m so unhappy, I’m so terrible,” you need to say “stop” to yourself at that moment. But it’s as difficult as not eating the third cake in bed in the evening. When you need to do something right away, for example, go on a diet, a person becomes somehow uncomfortable. It all depends on willpower. We must, on the one hand, learn to tell ourselves “stop”, and on the other hand, when this starts - “I’m poor, unhappy, I feel bad, I haven’t succeeded in anything!”, you need to look where it’s worse. Then you begin to realize that you are very joyful happy man, and at the same time you have to keep in mind that all the faces in the glossy magazines that you look at - Hollywood artists, our stars - they also have problems. And probably the most unfortunate person in this world is the Queen of England, who, with all her position, money and intelligence, obviously works very hard and hard. Therefore, be glad that the fate of the state does not depend on you, and live happily.

NP: Some people like to complain all the time, having everything, while others are happy, having little. Some overcome difficulties, others give up. What is this connected with? Is it only with willpower?

DD: It's big psychological problem. A huge amount of scientific literature has been written on this topic, and many psychotherapists to whom a person has been going for years cannot teach him to be happy.

Dasha Vasilyeva is a wealthy woman, lives in holiday village Lozhkino with his family and animals, is friends with police colonel Alexander Degtyarev. Has two children - son Arkady and daughter Masha. In the past, Dasha was married several times and worked as a teacher. French at a Moscow university, received a modest salary, lived with her family in a small apartment in Medvedkovo, on the outskirts of Moscow. This character is closest to the author. Daria's main hobby is pets. Her heroine has many cats and dogs in her house, one of them is the pug Huchik.

NP: Why?

DD: Because being unhappy is very comfortable. It’s like in childhood: a child picks at a sore on his knee, it seems to hurt, but it feels good. Let's say I - happy woman, everything is fine with me, everything is great with me, but I want to cry over something. I am an ambassador for the Together Against Breast Cancer program. So, many women, when they say they want to get better, don’t really want it. Because she has an inattentive husband, children who no longer need their mother, not very good work colleagues and a small salary. And suddenly she gets sick. And everyone feels ashamed: the husband begins to carry some broken tulip, the mother-in-law cooks soup, the children buy the parent some chocolates, work colleagues also stop slandering her and begin to feel sorry for her. She finds herself the center of attention, and the thought suddenly appears in this woman’s head: “I want to keep this.” No, she tells everyone that she intends to get better. But in fact, there, inside himself, he really wants to remain an object of care. And he dies. A huge problem in oncology associated with the characteristics of the female psyche. Therefore, if you get sick, be honest with yourself, don’t revel in the disease.

NP: Then must I say that being happy is difficult?

DD: Nothing comes without difficulty. You won't get it without effort beautiful figure, good husband, well-mannered children, a kind mother-in-law and a loving mother.

NP: When difficulties arise, how do you deal with them?

DD: Difficulties in life happen every day. For thirty years, as a cook for an academician of psychology, I learned a brilliant phrase from him - “Let’s define what complexity is!” What is complexity? For one, this is getting up after a very serious illness, missing two legs, learning to walk on prosthetics. For others, it’s difficult to deal with torn tights.

NP: It’s difficult for some to start a family, for others it’s difficult to find a job...

DD: It's not complexity, it's life. Starting a family is elementary, you need to find a person who you think can be your life partner. Where to find? Look around, it is likely that at work at the fifth battery there is a poorly dressed man with a dirty head, who, in fact, got into good hands, will become a wonderful husband. First you need to decide what you want. I recently read a woman’s statement about divorce, it began beautifully: “My husband is impotent.” Two paragraphs later it said: “He’s a womanizer.” There is no such thing as an impotent womanizer. If you want a house in Nice, your own yacht, a plane, then be prepared for the fact that you will never have a husband at home. Romantic dinners, walks together with a stroller, trips to see friends - it’s all over. Most likely, you will travel with security to obligatory, high-status parties alone, and you will see your husband once a month, he will earn money. But if you want romance, if you want your spouse to be home at six in the evening and fry potatoes with you, then marry a teacher high school, but then you won't have much money. But you don't have to want everything at once. It doesn't happen like that! By the way, my husband is being brought up.

NP: Many people want a finished product, now there are many marriages where the husband is a wealthy man for 20-30 years older than wife. What do you think about it?

DD: I know such happy marriages, I know such unhappy marriages. It all depends on the woman. If she is stupid, then the marriage will not work, if she is smart, then the marriage will turn out wonderful and age does not play any role.

Ivan Podushkin - son Soviet writer, works as a secretary for private investigator Eleanor. Polite, tall moral principles Human. Holder slim figure And tall. Smart, intelligent, educated. A little indecisive. Quite a nice mature man. Trusting and can be deceived. Contains an elderly mother of 60-65 years old, who considers herself young and beautiful woman 35 years. Nicoletta is a little unbalanced; screaming for her is a bodily need. Podushkin is an avid bachelor. He has no luck with women. Some people think poor Ivan Pavlovich is gay, but that's not true.

NP: Do you think that in marriage everything depends on the woman?

DD: A lot depends on the woman. You often hear: “My husband is an alcoholic!” So don't live with him! "I have no choice!" There is always a way out, but it’s not a fact that you will like it. When I start asking, “Why are you living with this alcoholic?” - they answer me: “We have an apartment!” And you spit, take your bag, leave this apartment to him, go to another city, rent a room there. “Ahhhh... leave the apartment, what are you talking about!” Is it about the apartment or the husband? If you delve into this situation, then very often the husband fades into the background. Every wife is worthy of her husband, every husband is worthy of his wife.

NP: Can we say that not every woman who says she wants marriage and a family really wants it? Maybe she really wants something else? An apartment, for example.

DD: Women in our society are pushed to get married by different situations. Firstly - public opinion, which is for long years With all the restructuring and shootings, little has changed. I go to France quite often; there, you know, it is not customary to give birth before the age of 35. First a career, some kind of self-affirmation, only then marriage, family and children. In our country, if a woman has not given birth before the age of 24, then this is simply some kind of disaster. Medicine is now quite well developed; up to the age of 45 there are no problems with having a child. If you don’t have a husband, it doesn’t mean that you are worse than others and that you are somehow inferior. Finding a husband is very easy, the question is whether you need him or whether your mother wants a wedding.

NP: Someone says that you shouldn’t accumulate irritation and negative feelings within yourself, you definitely need to give them a way out, but others cannot do this. What do you do?

DD: You know, I am categorically against rudeness. If you good upbringing, then you will listen to your boss, even if he is wrong, you will not shout in his face and stomp your feet. You can say correctly what you think. If a person is rude to you, move away, you can later find a way to put him in his place. And feelings are when you come up to your husband, stroke his head and bring him a cup of broth at three in the morning because he came home angry from work and you are trying to calm him down. And yelling at your husband in three-story Russian for drinking a bottle of beer is rudeness and bad manners. The way you react is a moment of self-education. You have to think about what will happen next, what will happen after you do this.

NP: Daria, you can be called a very wealthy woman, you move in the appropriate circle. What can you say about people who became rich, as you put it, during the period of “perestroika/shootout”?

DD: Maybe now rich people have become somehow more visible because of magazines and the Internet. But rich people also existed in the USSR. I come from a family of a writer and an actress, so I can name the writer’s fees of those years. The average fee for my father’s book was 15,000 rubles, despite the fact that average salary was 80 rubles throughout the country. The percentage of fools all over the world is the same. You see, there are as many fools in Russia as there are in France. And the word “nouveau riche” - translated as “new rich” - came to us from France. There are nouveau riche in France, in America, and here. Poorly educated people who suddenly become rich are not an exclusively Russian thing. But there is another aspect that journalists do not like to write about. I know a huge number of rich people who do not show off their wealth in any way, are philanthropists, and help low-income people. And also, to be rich, you need to work a lot, hard and hard. It is not true that wealth falls from the sky and that only moral monsters receive it. If your neighbor bought a luxury jeep, and you walk to work, this indicates only one thing: he managed to succeed, but you did not. Don’t envy, don’t be angry, don’t repeat the phrase: “Only swindlers live well here,” it’s better to spend your energy on achieving your own well-being.

NP: Do you often have to sacrifice anything for the sake of family or work?

DD: I can’t say that there were any special victims. I just get up at 6 am and manage to write what I was supposed to write until about 3-4 pm. You see, the time when I had to put the baby in overalls and lead him into kindergarten, passed irrevocably. And the husband, over many years of marriage, discovered his own way to the refrigerator. We have a board hanging on it, on which it is written with a marker what is there: soup, main course.

NP: Daria, how many years have you been married to your husband?

DD: Since '83, that's 28 years.

Tatyana Sergeeva has nothing in common with the writer. Dark-haired owner full figure, intelligent and well-read, graduated from the philological faculty of a pedagogical university, widow (in the recent past), worked as a teacher of Russian language and literature. Married to former actor Aristarkh Babulkin (nicknamed Gris), who is an employee of the secret group in which Tanya works.

NP: What is the secret of such a strong union?

DD: Before that, two husbands ran away from me. I trained with my first two husbands, so I’ve been living with my third for 28 years.

NP: Does the fact that he is a psychologist help you in any way?

DD: You know, my husband is not a psychologist at home. Often my girlfriends and acquaintances run to him with their problems, and then he starts working in his specialty, but not with me. I am the psychologist in our couple.

NP: How do you feel about psychologists in general?

DD: It varies. Psychology is just a profession, and not everyone in this profession is smart, perfect and knowledgeable, not everyone wants to develop. I know very smart, encyclopedically erudite psychologists who sincerely love this science and are sincerely committed to seeing this science develop forward. My husband is always greeted by students with applause at lectures. But how he prepares for them is something to be seen. No two lectures are the same. Psychologists are very different! A good girlfriend sometimes works even better, because the therapist has no right to tell his patient: “Leave your alcoholic husband!” He must structure the conversation in such a way that the patient makes the decision himself, and then it will be correct for him. This is on the one hand. On the other hand, you still need to find a good psychotherapist. I am very much against the situation when a person enrolls in a three-month course, quickly picks up some tests, and now he is a specialist. Such a would-be professional can do you a lot of harm. We must also not forget that psychotherapy is one of the most expensive pleasures and you can go to a psychotherapist for years. In my opinion, you should always keep one in mind simple thing that there is no pill that you swallow and you will be young, cheerful, beautiful, active, smart. There is no such pill, you will have to work to become like this, no one will do it for you. I can go to my friend's house and wash her floors, but can I have dinner for her?

NP: In your opinion, the common statement that “a leftist strengthens a marriage” is folk wisdom or, as you put it, “folk stupidity”?

DD: Well, it really strengthens him, because the man is polygamous. And love, again according to my husband’s science, lasts three to four years, then some hormonal shifts occur and this love develops into some other sensations. Either you become good friends and you understand that you are one team, or it all ends, the husband and wife begin to irritate each other, and then, of course, you have to scatter in different directions. If a husband looked at some woman, he liked her and something happened to them one time, then there is nothing terrible about it. As a rule, a woman will never even know about this in her life if she has a smart husband. One of my friends has a husband, a very wealthy man, who every time he goes to the left, comes home - and every time he has a fur coat hanging over his shoulder. He experiences a deep sense of guilt before his wife, stands on the threshold with a leopard coat and says: “Honey, I accidentally bought it for you!” Darling grins, hangs the 152nd fur coat in the closet, strokes his head and says: “Oh, what a beauty! How you spoil me." She loves her husband very much and understands that he needs this zigzag to the left solely for self-affirmation. A normal man, if nothing has gone wrong in his head, runs into someone else’s bed and realizes in the morning that his wife is better.

NP: Have there been any missed opportunities in your life?

DD: I believe that you should never regret anything. What you have done is almost impossible to change, and there is no point in regretting it. But I also know that everything bad that happens to you turns out to be good.

NP: Do you agree with the statement that fools learn from their own mistakes, and smart people learn from those of others?

DD: Stepping on a rubber-handled rake is a sport for many people. You can never learn from other people's mistakes! And then what is considered an error? There are two ways out of any situation, but keep in mind that you may not like them! There are no hopeless situations!

NP: It happens that even when people have found two ways out, fear prevents them from taking a step. What to do in such cases?

DD: If a person cannot commit some action, he can only sit in his swamp and watch those who commit these actions. Everyone has what they deserve, it can't be the other way around.

NP: What can pleasantly surprise you?

DD: A bunch of things. Recently, a lot of electronic toys were downloaded to my iPad, and now with great happiness in traffic jams I am busy hitting pigs with birds, looking for various hidden things, and making menus for restaurants. In general, I feel just great.

NP: Many parents consider this a harmful pastime. What is the use of them?

DD: I'm resting! It washes your brain very well, especially when you are sitting in a hairdresser or stuck in a traffic jam. When a child just plays and does nothing else, this is probably, on the one hand, bad, but on the other hand, such people later become professional computer scientists. I was struck by the story of a boy from a remote province whose mother bought a laptop. This loser eventually made a certain program and sent it either to Apple or somewhere else. They grabbed the brilliant child by the head, took him to America with his mother, and now the former poor student is a student at a prestigious university and a beloved employee of the company. It seems to me that a person should do what he likes. Each of us has what we can do best. Remember Dante? Who's in the last circle of hell? The creator who did not create!

NP: What do you believe in?

DD: I believe in the boomerang law: if you do something nasty to someone, it will definitely come back to you. White attracts white, black attracts black. If a person always says: “There are only scoundrels, scoundrels, scoundrels all around!” - then I know that he himself is the same.

NP: Is there anything you would like to change about yourself?

DD: No, what can you change about me? Clever beauty. I don’t want to change anything about myself, everything about me is beautiful. I am terribly pleased with myself in all respects.

NP: What advice do you give to people who want to change something about themselves?

DD: Understand why you want to change it. If you think that from bigger size bust will change personal women's destiny, this is not true, because you can have the most beautiful breasts in the world and be very unhappy. But if this is not enough for you to be happy, collect money and get lice implants. Make sure that, in general, this was not necessary, and move on with your life in complete peace. It seems to me that you just need to understand that you are unique, there is no other like you. The genetic set that you received was not given to any other person. You are the only one in the whole world, be proud of it!

BIOGRAPHY
1952- was born on June 7 in Moscow, in the family of the famous Soviet writer Arkady Vasilyev and the chief director of Mosconcert Tamara Novatskaya.
1974- graduated from the Faculty of Journalism of Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosov.
1974-1977- worked as a translator at the Consulate General of the USSR in Aleppo (Syria).
1978- began cooperation with the newspaper “Evening Moscow”.
1983- married a teacher at the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosov Alexander Ivanovich Dontsov.
1986- daughter Maria was born.
1998- a serious diagnosis was made - stage IV breast cancer. I wrote my first book in the oncology intensive care unit to take my mind off the disease.
1999- the first book was published - “Cool Heirs”. Agrippina Dontsova takes the literary pseudonym Daria Dontsova.
2001- Becomes the Writer of the Year award winner for the first time. Starts hosting his own radio program.
2003- On March 5, a star was laid in honor of Daria Dontsova on the literary Square of Stars in Moscow.
2004-2007- receives a large number of different literary awards and awards such as “Bestseller of the Year”, “Author of the Year”, “Book of the Year”, “Name of the Year”, Book Oscar. The works of Daria Dontsova are translated and published in countries former USSR, Baltics, Western Europe, China.
2008- becomes an ambassador charity program Avon “Together against breast cancer” in Russia.
2009- the 100th book “The Legend of the Three Monkeys” is published. She is included in the Russian Book of Records as the most prolific author of detective novels (100 detective stories in 10 years).
2010- posed nude in social project"Protect What You Care" to support the world's first cervical cancer vaccine.
2011- for the tenth time recognized as the most published writer in Russia. The total circulation of Daria Dontsova's works exceeds 130 million copies.

EXPERT OPINION
Yulia Vasilkina,
psychologist, sociologist
BEING UNHAPPY IS COMFORTABLE
Everyone knows this feeling, but not everyone is ready to admit it. We are all susceptible to this “comfort” to a greater or lesser extent. to a lesser extent. There is no harm in sometimes being tired, sick, or hurt for a while next to a loved one. Especially one who, caring about you, will bring a cup of broth and say “they are all fools, and you are the best of all.” Having received the necessary acceptance, we will perk up and be ready for new achievements. True, it is important that close person He showed us attention and care not only when we felt bad.
The danger to the psychological integrity of the individual occurs when “being unhappy” carries a powerful secondary benefit. Secondary gain is some value (love, acceptance, attention, respect, maintaining a relationship, sometimes material wealth) that is achieved through negative symptoms. Maybe the child could be healthier, but then his parents will divorce. Maybe it would be necessary to expose the cheating husband and stop suffering from jealousy, but then you will have to give up the illusion of love and not being alone. When during a consultation you pull out a secondary benefit like an ace out of your sleeve, the client is immensely surprised. Now the decision is his: to leave everything as it is or to find a way to achieve the same value, but in a different way, by abandoning neurotic experiences and illnesses. And this requires hard work, honesty and the ability not to give up, which Daria Dontsova so values ​​in people.

EXPERT OPINION
Alexander Dontsov

,
Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Faculty of Psychology of Lomonosov Moscow State University, Academician Russian Academy Education
LADY OF FORTUNE
People often ask: “Is it easy to live with a star?” I answer: “Yes!” Firstly, I love her, respect her and am afraid of her, and therefore I will not contradict her in household chores. Secondly, late in the evening, when we are alone, there is no strength or desire left to sort things out. Thirdly, as you know, the first 25 years of marriage are difficult, but we have crossed this line. Fourthly, in our couple, she really is the psychologist. Fifthly, my wife is my most true friend. These are just the first “five reasons” for our family well-being. And I, henpecked, of course, will not violate it with a harsh academic analysis of that life philosophy, which the wife shared with the magazine. I testify that this “philosophy” has fully justified itself in our destiny. In short, there are three main principles in it. Initial - optimism, love of life, unshakable faith in goodness. Then - iron self-discipline. Over 13 years - 130 novels with a total circulation of 130 million (!) copies, each of them a “pill for depression” that saved someone from despondency. The third principle is openness to people, the desire and ability to share someone’s grief and joy. We are all capable of compassion; few people succeed in rejoicing in the successes of others. The wife has this gift in full.
Darya Dontsova - shining example that the wheel of fortune is under the control of a Woman. Maybe we men will someday learn to manage it.

Writer, screenwriter, TV presenter, public figure and, in his own apt expression - “a pill for depression” - all these are different sides Daria (Agrippina) Dontsova. She has record book circulations for Russia and many honorary titles, among which only “Writer of the Year” - more than 10 times. Daria Arkadyevna's assets include not only ironic detective stories, but also cookbooks, a series of children's works, and an autobiographical book about the fight against cancer, “I Really Want to Live.”

About oncology

— All interviews with you in one way or another relate to the topic of your illness. In a year you have a special date - 20 years since you were diagnosed with breast cancer. How do you feel now about what happened then? How has your attitude changed over the years?

- 20 years? Oh, that's right! 1998-2018... And I forgot! I'll have to call my doctor and congratulate him.

My attitude hasn’t changed at all over the years, and why set milestones at all? I was sick and recovered. You don’t mark the date of your next runny nose.

— That is, both then and now you are ready to call oncology your luck. How quickly did you come to realize this paradox? After all, many perceive the doctor’s words as a sentence and despair.

— Not everyone is desperate. I know a huge number of cancer patients who recovered on their own and saved a dozen other people. Yes, everyone goes through a stage of tears, frustration, questions that they ask themselves. But for some it goes away, while others become professional patients - and with such people, as a rule, everything ends badly.

Anyone can get sick, and there are different types of illnesses. And oncology, for the most part, is being treated - I’m now talking about the so-called conventional oncology, where there are established protocols, and not about complex cases. There are also more terrible illnesses for which no cure has yet been invented - for example, some genetic diseases.

Now experts say that standard oncology, which fits into the general treatment protocol, has slowly begun to turn into a chronic, sluggish disease. Yes, the patient will be given chemo, he will take pills, but he will be pushed and pulled, sometimes better, sometimes worse, and all this will continue for a long time.

For example, a Swiss-made drug will soon enter the Russian market; I will not name it for now; on it, patients with stage 4 breast cancer with metastases continued to live for 11 years, but previously they were given only one and a half to two years. Science and medicine do not stand still.

As for luck... Of course, it is more difficult for a non-believer to understand that this is luck. A churchgoer will understand why the illness was sent to him, and such people, as practice shows, recover more often and faster. A churchgoer asks himself the question: “Why did the Lord send me illness?” For what! And the unbeliever asks: “Why was this disease sent to me?” For what! Do you understand the difference, why and for what?

“They often say: a well-fed person does not understand a hungry person, and a healthy person does not understand a sick person.” This is true? At that moment, did you envy those who avoided cancer?

— Envy is not my emotion. And what is there to envy - money, cars, jewelry? There will always be someone who has more money, a better car, or brighter diamonds. Envy is a destructive emotion.

19 years ago, when I heard the diagnosis of breast cancer, I was not jealous healthy people. I was scared for my family.

At that time, my mother and mother-in-law, already elderly ladies, were alive. I treated them well, but to be honest, their character was wow, as they say, you can’t go around on a cart. And who needs my harmful grandmothers? I love them, but someone else probably won’t love them.

I have three children - my daughter Masha was 12, my sons were 18 and 20. They seem to be adults, but I still need my mother. I had dogs, a cat - where did it all go? And my husband Alexander Ivanovich is still young and quite handsome. He won’t be left alone, someone will definitely pick him up. And what will this woman who enters my house do to my family? The children have a stepmother, my grandmothers - who? And dogs will definitely not be needed. I was only thinking about this.

Photo from the personal archive of D. Dontsova

— In 1998, there was no Internet as such. What helped you gain positive information about your diagnosis and set yourself up to win?

— And it’s good that there was no Internet! I sincerely advise everyone not to go to cancer forums - there is a hysterical community of mostly women who write something like this: “My grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, mother, father died and I myself am about to die from cancer " A doctor I know, a prominent oncologist, once got terribly angry and began to compare these stories from the Internet and real stories diseases that are stored in the archives of his clinic. And it turned out that there is nothing to do with the truth here. People with such names and diagnoses were not in his hospital, but wrote as if they knew everything about everyone.

If you really want to get information, read scientific and medical sites, preferably in English. But this path is long and unnecessary. Find a doctor and trust him. I was operated on by Igor Anatolyevich Groshev, now he is the head of the department at the 62nd hospital, and then he was just a surgeon. A friend recommended him to me, and then she said a very correct thing: don’t look for an academician who operates once a year, look for someone who is up to date.

— In 2015, you announced the creation of a website where cancer patients can get psychological assistance. How is this project developing now?

- It's more about a drop of positivity. When a person, having received a diagnosis, starts reading all sorts of horror stories on the Internet, this cannot help him in any way. And then he will come to our website, where real stories with a happy outcome are published.

- It turns out that you doubted it too. And then, in 1998, we asked ourselves the question: why do I need this?

- No. I just knew very well then why I needed it. In my case it was clear to me. But when you are with the Lord, you think: “The Lord will help. The Lord will rule,” and it’s already easier.

“But you came to faith precisely at a critical moment in your life.”

“Few cancer patients, having received a diagnosis, do not run to church. Even the most avid atheists will come in at least once and light a candle - just in case, what if?

I was a parishioner of several churches. Now every Sunday I stand at the liturgy in the Church of the Savior Not Made by Hands in the village of Ubory.

In my youth, I didn’t think about God at all. I remember the first time I went to church near the Sokol metro station - I was about 20 years old, and my grandmother asked me to go light a candle for my deceased grandfather. I went in, bought a candle, and asked what to do next. I lit a candle for the eve, and the woman who was behind the box came with me and said: “Well, at least cross yourself!” And I say: “How?” She showed, then I remember... I go up to the salt - and such joy falls on me! And only now I understand what it was! If only I had known then, maybe I would have avoided certain mistakes in my life.

— Is there anything in the Christian faith that is difficult or incomprehensible to you?

“I just couldn’t understand: they say, open your heart to Christ, but how can that be?” They told me: it opens through prayer, but I kept thinking, stupidly reading prayers in the morning and evening, how does it open?

And then one day you suddenly understand how it is. But you can’t explain it – there are no words. You just understand that the Lord will manage, the Lord will help, and you calm down. And then a completely different life begins.

But it’s impossible to teach someone this... You can’t have dinner and sleep for me, can you? Either the person himself came to this and received it, or he did not. I only know that you don’t pull a rope to the Lord God, and you can’t talk to an unchurched person about faith - it will be unpleasant for you yourself.

“It happens that a person stumbles over a small prohibition, and by refusing to accept it, he ultimately refuses God. For example, he begins to talk seriously about the incomprehensibility of the Church Slavonic language as a barrier between him and God, or about the “stupidity” of fasting. For example, you love dogs, but there are people who are ready to say: since a dog is an unclean animal, then I am not on the same path with such faith.

- You know, to everyone who says that I won’t believe in God, and I won’t go to church, because they will prohibit me from loving my dog, I can repeat the words of one priest, he said: “To everyone who complains, they say, in the church they cheated me and I never set foot there again, I answer: how I understand you! I was once treated so rudely in a bakery - I haven’t eaten bread since then!”

About books and heroes

— The number of your books is rapidly approaching 200. Where do you get so many characters? Is it really all from life?

- I just have a memory like an elephant! So the books include all the people I once saw and met. There are definitely all my relatives and friends there, and sometimes some who are not very good - but sometimes I communicate with not very good people.

Here was a case. In my series about Ivan Podushkin, his mother, Nicoletta, was based on the widow of one writer. Just taken in its entirety and transferred to the book. We were still living in Peredelkino then, renting a dacha. And this lady, as it turned out, was a fan of mine. And so she comes to meet me, holding a book about Podushkin under her arm. I think, well, that’s it, now I’ll make fluff and feathers fly. She comes up and says: “Oh, I laughed so much. Listen, this Nicoletta, this is...” and gives a completely different first and last name. I say - can I not tell you? That is, she did not recognize herself, although even her words were there.

— Do you really write all your books by hand?

- Is it true. And I still don’t understand why this fact surprises everyone so much.

— Is the book about your experience of fighting cancer still being republished?

- Unfortunately yes. It would be better not to publish it, of course. Or rather, it would be better if no one needed her anymore and everyone would recover. But I’ll be honest, I’m even quietly proud of the fact that I pulled cancer patients out of hiding. Because after I started shouting into every microphone that was put in front of me that it could be cured, that it was not a shame, people gradually began to come out into the world, stopped wearing wigs, and began to understand that there is nothing scary about a bald head. That it is not contagious, finally.

When people see me on TV, happy and cheerful, not at all worried about the fact that she is missing some parts of her body, they understand that their future is not dark at all. I am the bright future of many cancer patients (smiles).

- How to stop focusing on the bad - your recipe?

— You must try to see the good in everything bad. And understand that any situation is given to us so that we change in better side. And if in addition you want to be happy, then there is very simple advice,

A person becomes happy when he stops wanting what he doesn’t have. And he begins to rejoice in what he has.