Fascinating stories from people's lives. Stories from women's lives

As a child, I really loved leaning on the lid of the secretary. My mother scolded me very much for this, because on top of the secretary there was a beautiful tea set brought by my grandmother from Ashgabat. And then one day, while doing homework, I once again leaned on my elbow. There was a terrible roar. My grandmother rushed in, saw the broken set, grabbed me in her arms and ran outside. And only below did she come to her senses that she was in Leningrad, and there was no earthquake here. Oh, and it hit me then! And in the evening my mother added...

I am a very calm person who rarely raises my voice. But there is one way that makes me scream - mirrors in a closed room from which there is no exit. My boyfriend decided to play a trick on me somehow, to make sure that I could raise my voice too. One fine morning I woke up in a locked room with a dozen rather large mirrors. He found me two hours later under the table in hysterics, the nightmares did not leave me for several more months. The guy is gone.

I work in a cinema for two. Couples in love usually come. Romance, films, delicious food, wine, kisses... But how infuriating are those who cross the line of kisses and take things to the horizontal plane. There is a camera, an announcement at the entrance, and we tell guests this too, but it’s a pity that not everyone gets it.

My husband and I decided to take a serious step - adopt a child. The daughter of our distant relatives, there was a fire in the house, she was the only one saved. At first she was silent all the time, then she began to speak occasionally. But in two years this has not progressed further. I dreamed that we would replace her family, but she is still as cold. I don’t blame anyone, but this makes me so sad.

I recently cheated on my husband because he’s a fucking workaholic, and we last had sex a year and a half ago. I love him very much, but I couldn’t stand it. I went to the city to visit a friend, went to a club and slept with a guy whose name I don’t even know. He fucked the soul out of me, and I returned home happy, to which my husband suggested going to see her more often. On the one hand, I finally felt like a desirable girl, but on the other hand, the cats were scratching at my soul.

Grandmother and grandfather met in the park when grandmother, headlong, ran home, shielding herself from the pouring rain with her hands. She accidentally bumped into him, knocking him off his feet. Mom and Dad found out about each other at a school disco, when Mom accidentally collided with Dad, knocking him to the floor, falling on top of him to the tune of a slow song. And I found my love in the trash when, without looking, I threw a bag of garbage into a barrel, and accidentally hit the guy, knocking him down and dropping him straight into the trash. But I found it.

Half a year ago I was hit by a car. As a result, a spinal injury and a wheelchair. My husband supported me as best he could and blew away specks of dust. Recently, doctors said that I can undergo surgery, there is a 50/50 chance that I will be able to walk again, but the condition may worsen. My husband, with tears in his eyes, begged me not to take such risks, he would take care of me. I really started to fear intervention. And then my tablet broke, I took my husband’s laptop and found a bunch of porn with disabled people. I'll have surgery soon.

I have a strange mania for inventing dialogues for various pieces of furniture. So I was sitting in line at the clinic, a woman was pulling the handle of the office, the door was closed, and I immediately imagined a dialogue between two doors: - Oh, why are you pulling, you’ll tear it off! Don't you see? Closed! No, did you see it? She's pulling here! Let me wipe off the polish on my hand! - Hmmm, people have gone! They either kick or clap. My mother told me, go to paper...

I often select music for performances. This is a labor-intensive process, you can sit for several days and listen, listen, listen, until notes slip through the pile of music, which begins to seem the same, that catch you. And how many incredible melodies found along the way are now in my piggy bank and waiting in the wings! I want to have the opportunity to show all the images that this music paints.

I have a scar on my tongue from teeth. According to my parents, when I was two years old, I was sitting on a chair, and my older brother pushed him, I fell, hit my head on the radiator and bit my tongue. My parents thought it would heal, so they didn’t stitch it up. As a child, a friend called this scar a pocket, because a piece of skin can be pushed away with your teeth and a depression can be seen. The expression on the faces of the people to whom I tell this story and in conclusion I stick my tongue out is priceless!

My grandmother is 84. She has beautiful makeup, hair, a dress and heels. She has a husband who is 17 years younger, who loves her madly. She runs on the treadmill on the balcony in the morning, cooks like crazy, sings great and sews amazing clothes to order. And I just want to be like her, at least at 70 years old, and not just at 80 and a half!

No matter how many times I meet people, every time I manage to ruin their attitude towards myself with amazing skill. Because... Apparently, I don’t understand the personal side of each person. A careless action or word - the relationship becomes strained, and they themselves become like strangers. I don’t even know how many times I’ve seen this in my life. People with whom, it seemed, he could communicate about anything and constantly, now barely exchange a few phrases...

They have diagnosed a heart defect and need to fly for surgery. And then a friend says that it is expensive to deliver the body, and many people bring the ashes back in urns. The positivity disappeared, I saw my husband looking for delivery of the body. She said as if she spat... I feel sorry for my loved ones - they are worried, and I myself became scared. We are realists, but here it’s hard and scary.

In life I am a gray mouse. But after sex I become more beautiful. The eyes shine, the lips become slightly plump and bright, the skin becomes beautifully pale, the cheeks are rosy. I even learned how to use it: if I had to attend an event, I made love before it, it helped more than makeup. The only thing I didn’t take into account was that this feature was noticed not only by me, but also by my beloved husband. My former beloved husband, who burned my beautiful me after work.

I moved into the apartment where my friends had lived before. From their stories: they fucked on the table and made as much noise as possible, for which all their neighbors hated them. On the first evening, around 10, I decided to move the closet a little. Five minutes later, all the grandmothers in the world came out, shouting that I was a whore and organizing orgies, and another half hour later two policemen arrived. When they saw me in my pajamas and my cat, who had shit himself from knocking on the door, they apologized for a long time, and then for another half an hour they reprimanded the neighbors on the stairs.

I never liked visiting my grandmother. The whole family came once a year for a couple of days, and the trash started. A drinking session with moonshine and a fight, in which my grandmother and her sons took part, and after that she tried to educate 7-9-year-old me about sex in all the nasty details. In the next argument, when she lifted her skirt and showed where to go, I found out that she wasn’t wearing underwear either. It’s a pity that I didn’t recognize the other grandmother - she died when I was one year old(

I recently came across a series about Katya Pushkareva. My God, then her image seemed terrible, but today she’s downright trendy, but everyone who was in style looks like a moron. What a strange thing fashion is!

When the war began, my grandfather went to the front, and my grandmother and her four-year-old daughter were evacuated. Life was hard, there was not enough food, my daughter was very sick. Grandmother was a beauty, and an officer of high rank looked after her, bringing her stew, butter, chocolate. And she gave in. The girl recovered quickly on good nutrition. When my grandfather returned from the war, my grandmother immediately confessed to him. He smoked, paused and said: “Thank you for saving your daughter.” They lived together for 55 years, and he never reproached her with a word.

I can't stand cash coins. Seeing them immediately makes you sick. As a child, I had a habit of collecting small change around the house and stuffing it into my mouth. Years have passed, the habit has gone, but only now I understand that it was disgusting.

I hate this spring, because it’s impossible to look down at the phone normally! You get into a minibus after the street, bend over the phone, and snot flows down so treacherously...

For a long time in the office I picked out huge boogers and sculpted them at the table. I kept thinking that I would clean it up later. While I was on vacation, we moved to another office, and the boss sat there. It's a shame to go back to work

As a child, I was afraid of old people because it seemed to me that they would steal my youth in order to prolong their life. And because I was a sweet child, they often took me on their laps in crowded transport. Minutes of horror.

My husband works for an agricultural company - he plows fields and transports crops. At work he drives a tractor, and when we get bored at home, he asks: “What is 150+150?” I say: “300,” and go to suck the tractor driver)

Before each flight, of which there are not many, I set a status from the “life is so short” series or make a post with the song “If I die young”. If I suddenly die in a plane crash, then everyone will come to my page and think that I had a presentiment of my death. I suffer from aerophobia.

Since childhood, my dad beat me and tormented me mentally until I left home. Now I live abroad and communicate occasionally via messenger. Once, while telling him a story, I swore. Dad was absolutely blown away by the fact that I didn’t respect him because I “cussed in front of him.” And that if I continue to swear, he will stop communicating with me. And I really thought about the fact that I don’t respect him and that if he stops communicating with me, I won’t be very upset.

I recently heard from friends whose baby is a month old, that it’s time to baptize the baby. She casually asked whether they had read the Bible (no); Do they even know “Our Father” (also no); What time was Jesus baptized and was he even baptized? The last question left them stumped. Then I asked why such a baby should be baptized. The answer was brilliant: “Well, wow, we seem to be Orthodox...” Orthodox, who didn’t even hold the Bible in their hands, but wear a cross as an ornament. It's annoying!

Grandma always scolds me when she sees HOW I peel potatoes. He says that during the war, my cleaning could feed the entire village.

I was returning home from the store. My five-year-old daughter ran into the elevator, and I was dragging my bags behind. And then someone calls the elevator, I don’t have time. The doors close and I hear my daughter screaming as she drives up. I throw my bags, rush around the floors, trying to figure out where the scream is coming from. Made it to seventh. You should have seen the face of the man who was waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened, in front of him stood a little angry girl, crying, who ran into him, yelling in the bass voice of a healthy man: “Where is my mother?! Answer!”

I identify men by their butts. Round, plump butts or loose hips, more like a woman's, - most likely, he is lazy, and he may also be cunning or a mama's boy. How many times has it coincided!

I started dating a 19-year-old girl who smokes, drinks and doesn’t mind earning extra money for a blowjob. He wanted to put her on the right path, moved in with her, got a better-paying job to support her and her mother. As a result, over the course of three years I almost became a drunkard myself, and they wanted to imprison me twice. He left and left. Fuck such charity. Occasionally we communicate as friends. I don’t regret my action, I don’t plan to repeat it. I don’t drink at all, I’m 27.

My name is Alena, I'm 22 years old. I want to tell you my story.
I used to always think that happiness is when you have a lot of money, a job you love, and you constantly fulfill your desires, but it turns out that happiness is something else that I didn’t notice. My story begins when I graduated from medical college and went to work in a medical organization. I just finished studying, a new job, new friends, a new stage in life, but it turned out that the beginning would begin at a different moment. After working for about six months, I began to notice that my health was deteriorating. I told my older sister about this, and she sent me for examination. My older sister raised me from the age of 12 after my mother died of cancer. My father overloaded himself with work and left for another city, simply sending us money. Now I understand that I demanded the impossible from my sister, something that cannot be replaced and made up for is mother’s love. Only 6 years later I realized that my mother had died. Apparently it was a shock. I couldn't accept it. I have the most wonderful, beautiful, kind sister in the world. Thank you that God gave it to me. During the examination, I suspected something was wrong, the doctors delayed the next appointment by 40 minutes. I had all sorts of thoughts in my head. When the doctor came up to me and began to tell me that I needed an expensive operation and urgent treatment, he said something about 2-3 years, to be honest, I remember everything vaguely. Expensive operation, where to get this money? That is, it turns out that in order to live, we need to pay. Leaving the office, I told my sister that I just needed a rest. I left work. I began to sit at home and think about everything. At first I felt anger, rage. I couldn’t understand why, why, where justice was. Then I cried for so long. Then calm came. I began to see the world differently. How? Getting up in the morning, I look at the sky, it is so beautiful, as if I was seeing it for the first time, when it rains, I see raindrops as if in slow motion. It feels as if God himself stopped time so that I could see and remember this beautiful world. I asked for forgiveness from everyone I might have offended in some way, I don’t know why, but I felt better. One day I couldn’t hold back my tears and burst into tears in front of my sister. I had to tell her everything. Her eyes became so sad. And the question arose of what to do if we don’t have such huge money. I even thought about going to work, just so that I would have enough to buy a ticket to the sea, see the sea, the waves, a beautiful sunset and sunrise, and leave without pain. I began to understand that happiness is when you have people you love and who love you, the least you need is love. One day, while walking around the city, I came across a lottery stall. So small that more than two people cannot fit in there. I bought lottery tickets, and before I left, the woman selling the lottery tickets grabbed me by the hand and said: you think your luck has turned away from you, but it’s not so. And she let go. Of course, later, when I came home, I forgot about this woman, but the most amazing thing was that the tickets I bought won a huge amount. I've never even seen that kind of money. Naturally, I had surgery abroad, I bought myself a house in Russia, and my sister and dad were abroad, and I still saw the sea. This is not to be forgotten. When you are there, you feel as if you are on another planet, it cannot be put into words, you need to see it. And now I’m healthy, rich, and I understand what happiness is. It turns out that fate has been preparing a huge gift for me and my family all this time. This is an incredible gift of fate. I wrote this story because I want to tell you that it is love, it is those who love us and whom we love that make us happy.

Almost all peoples, nations and countries have historical facts. Today we want to tell you about various interesting facts that happened in the world, which many people know, but it will be interesting to read again. The world is not ideal, just like people, and the facts about which we will tell will be bad. It will be interesting to you, since every reader will learn something educational within the framework of their interests.

After 1703, Poganye Prudy in Moscow began to be called... Chistye Prudy.

During the time of Genghis Khan in Mongolia, anyone who dared to urinate in any body of water was executed. Because water in the desert was more valuable than gold.

On December 9, 1968, the computer mouse was introduced at an interactive devices show in California. Douglas Engelbart received a patent for this gadget in 1970.

In England in 1665-1666, the plague devastated entire villages. It was then that medicine recognized smoking as beneficial, which supposedly destroyed the deadly infection. Children and teenagers were punished if they refused to smoke.

Only 26 years after the founding of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, its agents received the right to bear arms.

In the Middle Ages, sailors deliberately inserted at least one gold tooth, even sacrificing a healthy one. For what? It turns out that it was for a rainy day, so that in case of death he could be buried with honor far from home.

The world's first mobile phone is the Motorola DynaTAC 8000x (1983).

14 years before the sinking of the Titanic (April 15, 1912), a story by Morgan Robertson was published that foreshadowed the tragedy. It is interesting that according to the book, the Titan ship collided with an iceberg and sank, exactly as it actually happened.

DEAN - The leader over the soldiers in the tents in which the Roman army lived, 10 people each, was called the dean.

The most expensive bathtub in the world is carved from a very rare stone called Caijou. They say that it has healing properties, and the places of its extraction are kept secret to this day! Its owner was a billionaire from the United Arab Emirates, who wished to remain anonymous. Le Gran Queen price is $1,700,000.

The English admiral Nelson, who lived from 1758 to 1805, slept in his cabin in a coffin that was cut out of the mast of an enemy French ship.

The list of gifts for Stalin in honor of his 70th birthday was published in advance in newspapers more than three years before the event.

How many types of cheese are produced in France? The famous cheese maker Andre Simon mentioned 839 varieties in his book “On the Cheese Business.” The most famous are Camembert and Roquefort, and the first appeared relatively recently, only 300 years ago. This type of cheese is made from milk with the addition of cream. After only 4-5 days of ripening, a crust of mold appears on the surface of the cheese, which is a special fungal culture

The famous inventor of the sewing machine, Isaac Singer, was simultaneously married to five women. In total, he had 15 children from all the women. He called all his daughters Mary.

27 million people died in the Great Patriotic War.

One of the unusual records for traveling by car belongs to two Americans - James Hargis and Charles Creighton. In 1930, they traveled over 11 thousand kilometers in reverse, traveling from New York to Los Angeles and then back.

Even two hundred years ago, not only men, but also women took part in the famous Spanish bullfights. This took place in Madrid, and on January 27, 1839, a very significant bullfight took place, because only representatives of the fairer sex took part in it. The Spaniard Pajuelera received the greatest fame as a matador. Women were banned from bullfighting in the early 20th century, when Spain was ruled by fascists. Women were able to defend their right to enter the arena only in 1974.

The first computer to include a mouse was the Xerox 8010 Star Information System minicomputer, introduced in 1981. The Xerox mouse had three buttons and cost $400, which corresponds to almost $1,000 in 2012 prices adjusted for inflation. In 1983, Apple released its own one-button mouse for the Lisa computer, the cost of which was reduced to $25. The mouse became widely known thanks to its use in Apple Macintosh computers and later in the Windows OS for IBM PC compatible computers.

Jules Verne wrote 66 novels, including unfinished ones, as well as more than 20 novellas and short stories, 30 plays, and several documentary and scientific works.

When Napoleon and his army headed for Egypt in 1798, he captured Malta along the way.

During the six days that Napoleon spent on the island, he:

Abolished the power of the Knights of Malta
-Reformed the administration with the creation of municipalities and financial management
-Abolished slavery and all feudal privileges
-Appointed 12 judges
-Layed the foundations of family law
-Introduced primary and general public education

65-year-old David Baird ran his own marathon to raise money for research into prostate and breast cancer. In 112 days, David traveled 4,115 kilometers, while pushing a car in front of him. And so he crossed the Australian continent. At the same time, he was on the move every day for 10-12 hours, and during the entire time he ran with a wheelbarrow, he covered a distance equal to 100 traditional marathons. This courageous man, having visited 70 cities, collected donations from Australian residents in the amount of about 20 thousand local dollars.

Lollipops appeared in Europe in the 17th century. At first, they were actively used by healers.

The group “Aria” has a song called “Will and Reason”, few people know that this is the motto of the Nazis in fascist Italy.

A Frenchman from the town of Landes, Sylvain Dornon, traveled from Paris to Moscow, walking on stilts. Setting off on March 12, 1891, covering 60 kilometers every day, the brave Frenchman reached Moscow in less than 2 months.

The capital of Japan, Tokyo, is currently the largest city in the world with a population of 37.5 million people.

Rokossovsky is a marshal of both the USSR and Poland.

Despite the popular belief that the transfer of Alaska to the United States of America was carried out by Catherine II, the Russian Empress had nothing to do with this historical deal.

One of the main reasons for this event is considered to be the military weakness of the Russian Empire, which became obvious during the Crimean War.

The decision to sell Alaska was made during a special meeting that took place in St. Petersburg on December 16, 1866. It was attended by the entire top leadership of the country.

The decision was made unanimously.

Some time later, the Russian envoy in the US capital, Baron Eduard Andreevich Stekl, proposed to the American government to buy Alaska from the Republic of Ingushetia. The proposal was approved.

And in 1867, for 7.2 million gold, Alaska came under the jurisdiction of the United States of America.

In 1502–1506 Leonardo da Vinci painted his most significant work - a portrait of Mona Lisa, the wife of Messer Francesco del Giocondo. Many years later, the painting received a simpler name - “La Gioconda”.

Girls in Ancient Greece got married at the age of 15. For men, the average age for marriage was a more respectable period - 30 - 35 years. The father of the bride himself chose a husband for his daughter and gave money or things as a dowry.

Interesting short funny stories from people’s lives are exactly what will always be in demand among readers. Any person loves to laugh at what happened in the life of another. Funny stories can cheer you up at any time of the day. It is known that what was taken from life will be fun for many years to come. And laughter, as you know, prolongs life!

Holidays with friends already involve telling all sorts of funny stories. Many of these gatherings end up on the Internet. If you want to read a collection of very funny life stories, welcome to our website!

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One of my good friends has been working at a sports school as an acrobatics coach for many, many years. At the first training session, he shows each new group of parents the same trick... He puts several mats on the floor and commands the children to run around these mats. A few minutes later he gives the command: “Everyone quickly lie down on the mats!”
So: boys lie face down on their stomachs, and girls lie face up on their backs! Always!

Saturday morning (8.15 am) I’m going to Drahomanov to study... I get on a minibus at Pushkinsky Park. The minibus is half empty, a father and daughter are driving behind me, talking about going to the theater in the evening... a child of 8-9 years old...
Well, we finally reached the Universitet metro station. My dad and the child got off the minibus (and dad looked so intelligent)... we went down into the passage, we walked, and I saw a girl screwing an ordinary light bulb into the socket and something didn’t work out for her and she said “oh, b^ &"...
And then the daughter asks her father:
- Dad, what is “B^&???”
The father, thinking probably from 2 seconds, answers:
- This, my dear, is your mother...

During the years of stagnation, I had the opportunity to work at an enterprise with a strict access control regime.
One day, an employee, Vova, was detained at the checkpoint - he was trying to take out a bottle of alcohol. The head of security handed him a pen and paper. “Write an explanatory note about where the alcohol comes from.”
Some time after the beginning. The guard came out with a completely stunned look and said: “I had to read all sorts of crap, but this!”
The explanatory note outlined a touching story of how Vova was wiping contacts on radio devices with alcohol and he ran out of alcohol. The storekeeper did not give him any more due to overexpenditure.
And then Vova went home during his lunch break and brought a bottle of alcohol that he had once bought at a pharmacy for his second cousin. He partially used this alcohol and took the rest home.
Outwardly at the time of his arrest, Vova looked like this: Red face, cloudy eyes, and a terrible exhaust.

Proofread on the Internet.
“When I was at the factory, a remarkable incident occurred. At this factory there were two buildings side by side, and in the first of them the men’s toilet was on the second floor, and in the parallel building the women’s toilet was on the third. The buildings were new and the windows in the toilets had not yet been They managed to cover it with white paint, according to the custom of that time.This circumstance allowed the female part of the team to observe the male half with impunity and lively discuss their merits and, even more so, their shortcomings.
When the men discovered this matter, one of the workers - a small man - did the following. He cut off a healthy piece of power cable, removed the sheath from it and painted it flesh color. Having waited until the audience had gathered, the man put the cable in his pants and went to the toilet.
You should have seen the faces of the women who were taken aback when the man pulled a thing of this caliber out of his pants! To top it all off, he did the following: “having relieved himself,” he shook off his “dick” with a powerful blow against the plywood partition in the toilet.
All the men almost died laughing, and after this incident the culprit became terribly popular at the plant among the female half of the team..."

There was an incident today.
An obese patient came in and was trying to lose weight. In addition to talking about diet, there was something like this dialogue with her:
- Do you have any exercise equipment at home?
- There is a treadmill, but only the dog runs on it.
- So what, she likes it?
- No, but if you tie it and turn on the track, it runs...
- Why are you doing this?
- So, a shepherd dog needs to run 5 km a day! But we can’t go out for so many walks with her.
- I think I understand what your problem is...

(Udovichenko Oleg)

What do you know about love!!! I remember once my husband woke me up with a gentle kiss and asked: “Do you remember what day it is?” “Of course!,” I report cheerfully, “today the horses are playing with Partizan!!!”
It turned out that they meant our 10th wedding anniversary.
But before I got married, I couldn’t tell a penalty from a corner.

Pre-perestroika Moscow. Northern River Station. Walking with a friend. We look at the ships bringing tourists to Moscow - the port of five seas.
An ice cream lady stands selling delicious ice cream in cups (20 kopecks each) from a mobile tray. There is a girl standing in front of us in line - ruddy, rich, pretty, healthy and fresh throughout her body. Obviously not a Muscovite.
The ice cream maker works quickly. He opens a box of about 40 cups, pours out wooden sticks and sells them, placing a stick on each cup.
And now it’s the turn of the dear guest of the capital, she comes up to the tray and asks in an indescribably sweet, common-speaking voice:
- Tell me, is this an ice cream?
“PlombIr, plombIr,” the saleswoman politely agrees.
“Well, then please give me one,” ten stretches out.
- How many? - asks the saleswoman.
- A box!
Blushing even more, the girl leaves, looking at the box with such love that I, alas, have rarely seen in a woman’s eyes.
And then some witty guy from the line asks her:
- Hey, beauty, do you need chopsticks?
She stops and a slight thoughtfulness, which does not suit her at all, darkens her brow for a second, but only for a second. Then she turns to the saleswoman:
- Yes, give me... One...

“No matter what they do, things don’t work out,
Apparently their mother gave birth on Monday..."

One of my friends, during the Soviet shortage, snatched a terribly scarce Polish wardrobe for bribes and acquaintances. The cabinet, as expected at that time, was dark and varnished. They brought him and his friend home. And they began to collect.
What it means to assemble a Polish cabinet is a different story. Not only was there absolutely nothing going on, but the owner’s 4-year-old daughter was terribly in the way with her help. So that she could somehow get away from them, she was told: “Natasha, let’s assemble the cabinet and let you play with the hammer.” Natasha sat down in the corner of the room and began to wait for what was promised.
After 4 hours of struggle with the furniture industry of fraternal Poland, the cabinet took on the desired shape and Natasha received the promised hammer. A family friend shows Natasha that with this hammer you can hit the floor to hammer in nails.
At this moment, mom enters the room and says that Saturday lunch with all the ensuing consequences awaits the workers in the kitchen...
The men retire to the kitchen, where they carefully wash the assembled cabinet. They talk decorously, the whole conversation takes place against the backdrop of Natasha's hammering on the floor.
About two hours later, a friend is going home and offers to put the closet back in place. Men enter the room... The cabinet, along the perimeter, exactly to the height of Natasha's height, is tapped with this same hammer.
The next weekend the cabinet was painted and taken to the dacha, where it still lives.

Once upon a time there was a drunken officer at his post at the Admiralty. Paul I, noticing this, ordered the arrest of the offender.
“According to the charter, before you arrest me, you must replace me at my post,” the officer said to those who came to carry out the order of the sovereign.
“He knows his business better when he’s drunk than we do when we’re sober,” said the emperor when he was informed about what had happened.
And he promoted the officer.

Teenagers are sitting on benches in the park. Already like adults, dressed up, with beer, all business. They discuss all passers-by, especially girls.
A quite pretty person walks by, but, alas, with slightly crooked legs. Not with a wheel, of course, and no one would pay much attention, but... there will always be a sharp-eyed goat. The boys already forgot about beer:
"Gee, girl, you were probably so fucked yesterday that your legs don't fit together! Ha-ha!"
The girl is SMART - without slowing down:
“After your stubble, it won’t come together on its own.”
Can you imagine their faces?

I touch my son’s freckles with my finger and say: “The sun kissed you...
He gloomily said: “And my grandmother says I’m sick of cockroaches...

A brother describes his car to a potential buyer over the phone:
"...and on the front bumper there is a dent the size of a human head"...
The client delayed making an appointment.

A friend told me how he met a girl in a tavern to create a strong connection for the night, or how it goes...
He is a simple, simple person. And he also loves simplicity in relationships. He came up and introduced himself.
- Sergey.
“I’m glad,” said the girl.
She was even more pleased with the mojitos, tequila boom and other gifts from the bar counter.
Needless to say, the connection turned out to be strong and strong. Until the evening of the next day. As she said goodbye, she once again said that she was glad.
“Well, of course,” thought Sergei. And then I figured it out. Now she’s thinking: before leaving, did she introduce herself again, or was she sincere? Or maybe she was being ironic...
Suffering...

This story took place in times that are now called “stagnant”.
In one city N they decided to build a swimming pool. And since they wanted to have a good pool, they hired Finns to build it.
The result was not long in coming: the beautiful swimming pool, the pride of the city, was built strictly on schedule.
All the “city fathers” came to its opening: the first secretary of the city committee, head. police, prosecutor, etc. and so on. Finns were also invited - the president of the construction company that built the pool, with his retinue.
Take off your clothes and everyone can swim and have fun...
Suddenly our “city fathers” begin to wonder: “Why is the water around them starting to turn lilac?!”
And the Finns swim a little to the side and smile embarrassedly...
It all became clear later: it turns out that according to their Finnish technology, a special reagent (substance) is added to the water in the pool. When it comes into contact with urine, it (the substance) turns the water lilac...

This happened a couple of years ago.
At one biker party, a guy from Vorkuta cried loudly that they were all ringers from the zone, and he really wanted to get a real cool biker tattoo...
Three kolshchikov immediately showed up. The boy says that he doesn’t have enough money on him, and takes out a huge bag of grass... The guys didn’t object, but first they decided to try the grass.
The grass turned out to be killer tightly. They sat down at about 4 o'clock, and woke up the next morning from the animal roar of the Vorkuta resident. He looked like a Dalmatian dog, instead of spots there were pins... Cheburashkas... Then the whole day they redrew the Cheburashkas into skulls...
PS: And skulls with ears are cool!

I have been doing wedding photography and video shooting for over ten years. During this time, before my eyes and the eyes of my colleagues, many curious and, at times, sad episodes occurred, which could easily have been avoided. As they say, forewarned is forearmed!
Story one.
The newlyweds are greeted at the door of the restaurant. They offer to bite off a piece of loaf. “Whoever bites off the most will be the head of the family!” As a result, the bride has a dislocated jaw and, while her jaw is being set in the department of maxillofacial surgery, the groom and his groomsman sit in the waiting room and drink beer.
Later, the story repeated itself, but then the role of the bride was played by the wedding toastmaster herself (they also sometimes get married) and again a loaf bite that ended in a dislocated jaw. I’ve known her for a long time and she doesn’t like to remember this episode.

The second story.
After ransoming the bride, the cortege goes to the registry office. The groom himself is driving the lead car. Friends ask to see custom-made diamond engagement rings. The groom, without being distracted from the road, gives the rings to his kunaks. Upon arrival at the registry office they cannot be found. Best friends don't even try to suspect each other.
It turns out that after “hanging around”, the box with rings somehow (through the efforts of one friend) ended up lying in a pile of garbage in the back seat (champagne bottle, chocolate wrappers, banana skins, etc...
How good it is for him - silence, no TV or telephone. I brought textbooks and notes and decided to prepare for the session here.
Then I thought about it and invited my friend Masha.
In this insidious silence, we failed the session, but our daughter was born.

There was a case in the glorious city of Minsk - a wire break. I go home, but the trolleybuses don’t go. At the roundabout, where I wanted to sit down, a huge crowd of people came running and I decided to be more cunning - I went to the stop in front of the roundabout.
The trolleybus did come, but I discovered that there were more cunning people - they moved away two stops and now sat there happy. I stood up, holding the handrail, next to a sitting powerful woman with powerful breasts.
At the roundabout, a stream rushed into the trolleybus. I was holding on to the handrail with difficulty, but then some big guy pressed me from behind and a terrible thing happened - my hands came off the handrail and, looking for support, rested on my powerful chest.
I expected an explosion of emotions to follow, I looked up and... saw the contented, spreading smile of a sultry woman. There was pressure from behind, there was no way to remove my hands from my breasts - so we drove on - I, like a child, held my chest, the lady smiled.
But the worst thing happened when workers stormed the trolleybus after their shift - they pushed me and I sat on the lady’s lap. She just sighed languidly.
Imagine the situation - a 23-year-old dunce is sitting on a lady’s lap and holding his chest. This spectacle amused the whole trolleybus. Jokes and jokes began, including from the sultry woman (she turned out to have no complexes), I tried to get up, but was literally pinned to her.
And so we got there - fun, with jokes...

Yesterday I was walking past an office building, a traffic cop came out and walked in the direction of a BMW X3. Here, I think, this creature, a bribe-taker, I have to work for such a machine for half my life. And he suddenly turns and walks along the parked cars. I even felt a little ashamed - maybe a normal person, maybe even almost honest. It’s sad how it goes, and his face doesn’t seem to be very impudent.
Meanwhile, the guy walks about fifty meters and gets into the BMW X6.
And you know, sometimes you want to think about them well, but the X6 greatly undermines this desire...