Dark tips for KVN. A dark look at the premiere finale

There have already been 55 posts with advice, questions and answers, which means that some kind of base of stereotypes and concepts has been formed, which began to determine the content of these posts. Well, that is, it has its own language, its own branches: lynching, advice, acceleration of the concept, evaluation, impetus for inventing, etc.. . And everything that has content, stereotypes and recognition should have a parody - that’s what Sasha Tsekalo and Dima Medvedev taught me. Therefore, I decided to write a little fun, similar to the traditional issue of dark tips on KVN. But since I come up with the answers myself, I will only joke about the questions:

Konstantin, tell me, who do you think will win the Priabakan KVN League this year? “Nomads of Laughter” from Ufa or “Chita Watermelon Throwers” ​​from Tver? Preferably in detail, my brother plays in the watermelon throwers, he is getting married soon.

SOK won the tower in 2011? Why, because according to your concept, their concept does not imply a concept?

We get together every day, drink, smoke, discuss chicks. How to write a whole jomash?

Konstantin, greetings from Kyrgyzstan. Do you need apricots?

What is the main thing in STEM? Costumes of the 19th century or do you have to sit down and write circles?

I'll explain the situations. We have three girls and two boys on our team. And another boy and girl. And Tolik. And a monitor lizard. What is better for us to play, what style to find, if one boy and one girl have been masturbating for 3 years?

How to write jokes for Biathlon? Please advise the right type legalize.

Konstantin, since the time of the 25th I have been tormented by a question. Why did Bush leave the society of hairy people on top?

Hello, I have two questions. What do you need to read to write and what do you need to write to read? And the second question. A?

You keep using the words synopsis, catharsis, climax. But children read you?

How to get a team on TV if our concept is doctors, our sponsor is a fish store, and we are playing for a pedagogical university?

Konstantin, how much are you worth as an author, and how much as a person?

Please watch the video, the quality is not very good, and in the foreground a man was stabbed to death, but the move in STEM is still clear, your opinion is very important about the game literally 6 years later.

What should a sponsor be offered if the girls in their first year were not ugly at all?

Do you like Comedy, and what are its prospects for the future? And another question on the same topic. How much will cottage cheese cost in 2026?

We have a problem. We don't know how to play warm-up games. That's why we don't play. Therefore, we don’t know how. Why is everything so logical in the world, I would kill everyone, right Konstantin?

How to force people to go to rehearsals if they cannot walk yet, and in general, does the concept of infants have a right to life? There, a ruler in bags, crawled up to Vasilich, casting children famous people, doodles about diapers? What do you think? Or is it better to play the usual classic - a team of gay priests?

Well, as always in the end.

Konstantin Voron’s blog contains reflections on a current topic

“To be honest, I’m going to cut the branch I’m sitting on here a little, because I myself periodically go to these Satanic training grounds and earn money from it, but this needs to be said. I believe that KVN summer schools give KVN little.

They give enough to alcoholism, smoking, laziness, mosquitoes, humidity, colds, sexual experience, the ability to live in unsuitable conditions and a bunch of other areas human activity, but KVN a little. Now, those who have been to schools and KVN camps will not let you lie - if you don’t know how to play KVN, you are an extra in such a camp. Or one of two prostitutes on the way out, where the pimp will have a joke. If you don’t know how to invent, and at this level showing and inventing are not much different, you are also an extra. Don't know how to write - how do you say it? If you are beautiful girl- you sing a song or dance in the front row, and if you are an ugly activist who wants to develop around the clock, then you will be in charge of the props and will quarrel with all your fellow prisoners.

Why do people go to the KVN camp? Hang out, get drunk, laugh - relax with the KVN members. And they call it a school so that on paper everything looks comme il faut, so that parents give money, so that youth organizations receive not a reprimand for organizing a brothel, but a plus. How does a regular KVN school or KVN camp work? Everyone arrived, everyone was divided into teams. If the camp is for children, then by force age groups, if it’s a student’s, then they will share it themselves. Then they are given tasks, competitions, a curator - in short, a bunch of boring things that need to be done, otherwise there will be no REPORTING CONCERT. And if you need to develop people, throw them to a new level, increase their combat effectiveness as KVN units, then you need to give lectures, write assaults, show examples of mistakes and successful moves of television teams, explain trends, in short, transfer experience and theory with practice. And not to write a certain amount of material that can be collected, staged and shown in 3-7 days in front of catering workers and women wearing Panama hats instead of heads.

That is, imagine a guy who came alone, knew about KVN only from rumors and TV, and wants to learn everything. He ends up in a detachment-team, and either carries out its procedures-algorithms-schemes, which, perhaps, are original, but it is not a fact that they are advanced and working. Or get into a team with a curator and catch his brain cockroaches and mice. And not theoretical ones, but put them into practice. The curator’s goal is to make a performance, have a drink afterwards, take a photo and say hello when you see each other later in the city. And this is not because he is such a piece of shit. If he doesn’t give you a show, maybe not a winning one, but not a disgraceful one, then you will be offended by him and it won’t be interesting to hang out with you at the last banquet. And it’s effective, fast, uncomplicated, and with artists of a novice genre, usually only timeless things from student festivals, wedding competitions, or proven KVnovsky constructors and used ideas are successful. Of course, the writing and cheerful guys will write funny and cheerful things for themselves, but why should they go there as someone other than counselors? And if they go as counselors, they will suffer with ghouls - young, lazy, inept, emotional, looking into your mouth as if they were your father. And you will prepare them for victory. To success. But not in general in life or KVN, but specifically on this site, at this reporting concert. And inside the counselors there is still some kind of competition, but there is competition. The truth is aimed not at the development of children, but at solving a specific issue. A reporting concert– this is not an exam, not a measure of humor. There, the winner is the one who cut the most paper and rehearsed best to the hit music at that time. Because the participants of neighboring camps, local cooks, janitors, organizers and friends who brought beer to cuddle the youngsters - this is not even a Sochi hall, it’s like making a yard laugh. And the jury, too, already a little flooded, will react to fools, vulgarity and girls. Not always adequately, completely disregarding, so as not to offend anyone, give everyone a prize, a cup, an acorn.

It turns out to be a vicious circle. There are people coming who don’t want to play KVN the way you have to play it and work hard to achieve something. They are being prepared for the fact that they will have little use for it later, except perhaps the ability not to panic in emergency mode. And they do this, that is, they prepare, those who don’t need this event at all, it’s just a point after which you can get drunk in front of the children, because it’s all over. Because if these 3-7 days were really used for training: master classes, lectures, analysis of material, collective storming different ways, warm-ups, improvisations, acting lessons, advice on directing, etc. It’s not a fact that the concert will work out. There will be scraps of thoughts, a bunch of unorganized material, concepts started and abandoned, or one that everyone came up with in 3-7 days together. But it’s desirable to not just blah blah blah this theory, but also to attach it to your legs, arms and heads. And in fact, this is what should be done, and it will not be difficult to explain to everyone that there will be no reporting concert, we are just learning. But then no one will crawl out of the river at all. Lethargy will increase significantly. Anyway, 70% go there for company. Minimum 70. They are ready to do anything for company, but only a few will want to receive 3-7 days of school, institute or college for 10-12 hours a day, when it is customary to take a break from them.

I have a solution for this. At the end there is a ceremony. Nominations, prizes, diplomas, awards, not formal, but to the point. The greatest progress, The craziest brain, The king after lights out. Etc.. And this ceremony can be prepared for everyone. Costume. Speech. Video from fans or greetings. Collective chants, etc.. Right up to evening dresses and a socially organized party (even in tuxedos) in a wooden barracks in the forest, and then in this form go to the nearest village to look for gypsies. Or just a normal closure. A friendly video is edited, part of it is immediately filmed, well, in short, nothing complicated is needed, it will still be interesting who is who. You can also have individual conversations based on the results, where a coach or curator will tell you what problems a person has from outside, ask what you want, suggest something, and encourage you. In general, the last day is summing up the results. And before that, 3-7 days just talk with the participants, with each other, share experiences, write storms, listen to advice, ask questions. But no collective assessments, counselors, closed groups or anything else. Very difficult to study football team in a class where there are other children. She will be more strength spend on self-affirmation as a team than on training. And especially when people gather at the same time different levels and experience.

Now there is a fashionable practice to take famous people to such KVN schools. Everything is correct here - girls will go to the star, boys will fall for the girls, plus the fans themselves, who are interested in everything about the big KVN. Namely: stories, rumors, photos, conspiracies. But we must not forget that if the process is training, then we need not only wedding generals, but teachers. And this different people. And not necessarily KVN students. A vocal teacher who comes for a day for 1000 rubles will allow many to at least try or understand that everything can be solved. Choreographer, director, better humorous, but he can also come to the lecture for the theater. Simple laws, where to put what, where it’s better to go from where. Organizer of cult-mass actions, art director, team director, screenwriter, producer, anyone, in KVN all professions are needed. There are such teachers in any school or art school, there are probably acquaintances, either creative people cities that will be happy to communicate with young people for free or for a ridiculous price. Don't make fun of their experience level or establishment. They still know more than you about what they teach, and most importantly, they know how to convey it to those who do not know. Of course, they need to explain the task, make it clear in which direction and in what language to speak, so that they listen. Choose, so to speak, the method of using the teacher. And the popular kvn-maker will laugh and drink with you until 5 am by the fire, but you won’t get anything out of it except that it’s better to smoke after tequila, not before. Well, plus a couple of tales about Vasilich. Because good guy- not a profession. A KVN player will most often be able to teach only a few things, such as how to develop confidence, how to structure a training schedule and other little things that he received from experience. But he can help a specialized teacher, say, a sound engineer, so that he tells exactly what is needed for KVN, and not jokes and incidents at Allegrova’s concert.

If we are talking about such summer camps, as about popularizing the game, as an opportunity to touch the players, or even the stars of the screen, so to speak, to form a loyal target audience, then the task should be set differently. Then we need to do everything like these comedy and KVN festivals in Turkey, like team building events, corporations. Together with a famous KVN player, jump in a sack, ride a kayak, bungee jump, smear each other with oil, take pictures, swim, dance at night. But no one anywhere will approve of this. Although in fact almost every KVnov scheme is pure Kazantip, on the verge of pedophilia, according to the documents, all of these are pioneer units “Zvezdochka”. Parents' days, fruits, photographs with washed curators, a report to the administration’s desk, positive reviews, so much covered, so much cultural growth. As always, show wins over logic. In short, whoever is smarter than the organizers, at least understand what exactly you are organizing. It doesn’t matter what the reports say, it’s up to you what this party will be for – to teach or to hang out. So do it. Some people will like the first option, others the second, but trying to sleep with both cooks has never made your soup tastier.»