Why does a woman leave her husband? Why men leave their family Why a wife leaves her husband reasons

Traditionally, men wonder: "Why did my wife leave me for someone else?", and also address it to their friends and psychologists when it already sounds in the past tense. Usually the man is confused: everything was fine with them for the time being, the family was strong and friendly, but his wife cheated on him with someone else and left him family and later filed for divorce.

Why does a wife leave her husband?

Remember that women, first of all, are very emotional. They quickly get used to a man and experience a whole range of feelings for him, from tenderness to passion. A woman never acts rashly: before packing, she plans her life with another man in advance. At such a turning point, her husband becomes a backup option for her. When a woman completely reevaluates her values ​​and desires, she will make her choice and leave the family. In fact, this means that she has stopped loving you.

How to get your wife back and is it necessary?

Before you make a final decision on whether to fight to get your loved one back, you need to honestly analyze your decision. Do you still have love, or did you live together simply “by inertia”? Will you be able to forgive everything and forget about her betrayal? Will you be able to resist reproaches and showdowns? After you give yourself honest answers to these questions, you can think about whether or not to revive the relationship. Cheating for many is synonymous with betrayal, which can enrage even the calmest men.

Analysis of the situation

If you allowed yourself to raise your hand against your wife or often appeared at home drunk, then your wife cheated on you for a reason: she left not for someone, but for you. Think about this if you want to change.

Cheating often happens in families where the husband is “burning out” at work, and the wife is bored, not receiving the attention she needs from her husband. Some women go “left” in such situations. Is it possible to blame a husband for his wife’s betrayal, which occurred due to his inability to occupy himself? No. But, for the future, you shouldn’t forget about small signs of attention in family life.

What to do? In any situation, remember that the most important thing is to simply remain a man. You can even find yourself a woman who will constantly admire you. Just think how long this romance will last.

Planning a family reunion? If your wife did not cheat on you physically, but simply became close to the man, and you are ready to forgive her, you hold the cards! If you cannot forget about her serious misconduct, it is not worth tormenting both of you, it is better to separate.

What kind of men do women prefer?

Women are crazy about confident men. Therefore, in any situation, remember that you cannot humiliate yourself. And if your wife brings her lover home, the only thing you can do is throw him down the stairs. Failed? Then go to a psychologist to urgently increase your self-esteem.

Parental help

Sometimes communication with the wife's parents can help - in the end, they can set her on the right path and explain that cheating and leaving the family is not an option. Then the wife can realize everything and ask you for forgiveness. The second point related to the spouse's parents is related support. Your wife clearly lacks attention; let her get it from her parents. But if you still remember that everything comes from the family, then betrayal “comes” from upbringing. Will such a person recover? It's up to you to decide.

Intimate talk

If you take her friends as allies, then you can consider that the job is done: for a woman, the opinion of her close friends is very important. And if they praise you and tell you how lucky she is to have you, then she will think about what kind of person she wants to leave. And if you decide to get back together, do not remember past grievances. Still, we are all not without sin, and you probably have more than just good deeds to your credit.

And if the scales tip towards separation, then so be it. Let her go with a light heart, and everything will be fine with you. If you love (or loved) this person, then either give her freedom or accept her for who she is.

Most representatives of the fair sex put the institution of family first your life values. Finding a man with whom you would like to spend your whole life, give birth to and raise a child from him and create comfort in your home is what many people want. In fact, the fair sex is primarily interested in the man himself, because this is what determines what the family will be like.

Many people believe that the husband should be the head of the family and make all important decisions himself. And so you created a strong family, everything seemed to be fine with you, but suddenly she leaves, sometimes explaining her decision, and sometimes simply slamming the doors. For a woman to leave the family, it is important to make enough efforts and disappoint her, although some decide to leave simply of their own free will. We present to your attention a thorough analysis of this problem, so that you can understand for yourself exactly why wives leave their families.

1. Alcoholism. Sometimes men allow themselves to relax with friends on a day off over a glass of beer, but often this becomes systematic, which can be considered alcoholism. Every normal woman wants to see a person next to her whom she can rely on and whom she can trust. A man who is completely intoxicated evokes only one desire - to leave his family.

Often the obstacle is not even having common children, his financial status or love. The woman simply understands that she cannot live with him, so she will have to make every effort to start all over again. At first she will talk for a long time about how tired she is of this, she will ask for the benefit of her family to change her habits, and then she will simply leave. Each representative of the stronger sex must make a choice for himself and understand what is dearer and more important to him.

2. Violence. There is a category of men who regularly use physical force against themselves. Some do this in order to assert themselves, others - in order to raise an obedient wife. In any case, such actions are illegal, but there are those women who are ready to endure. Domestic violence is a common problem that needs to be addressed.

Hard re-educate a man, but you can leave the family and find your happiness with another person. Sometimes it seems that the situation is hopeless, so many remain with their husbands and endure his humiliation and violence. And there are strong women who are sure that the honor and dignity of a person are important values. Therefore, realizing that she cannot change anything in her relationship with her husband, she simply leaves. Few people can tolerate violence, so a man should always remember this before he raises his hand against his beloved wife.

3. Treason. Some men cheat, that's a fact. There are also two categories of women here: those who are ready to forgive and reconcile, and those who leave, immediately learning that their husband has betrayed them. Cheating is a decisive factor for many wives, because they want to see next to them a faithful and loving husband who will be in the family, and not somewhere on the side.

When wife finds out about her husband's betrayal, it is always a shock for her, but some quickly come to their senses and take a decisive action, while others cannot decide what to do for years. If a man wants to save his family and ensure that his beloved is always with him, he shouldn’t even think about cheating. Sometimes, in an attempt to hide the fact, men do not even realize that even strangers can report cheating. Women value attention and love, so it is very important for them to ensure that their loved one is faithful.

4. Indifference. Every woman loves it when a man constantly gives her gifts, shows her affection and love, appreciates and adores her. All this is an integral part of a happy family life for her. When a woman gets married, she expects that her beloved will always be as affectionate and loving as at the beginning of the relationship, but something changes, and she realizes that this is not the person she needs. Over time, a man simply gets used to it and relaxes; he simply does not understand how important his constant attention is to a woman.

When there is children, then the woman can somehow come to terms with this, because she doesn’t seem to be cheating and is earning money, but if the marriage is based solely on relationships, there is a high probability that she will leave. It is quite possible that on her way she will meet someone else who shows more affection and love. Making a choice is not so easy, but when she feels the difference, she immediately understands that there is no point in staying with an indifferent husband. Perhaps she will simply cheat, but most likely she will begin searching for something that will give her everything that her husband forgets about.

5. His reluctance to have children. Of course, there are exceptions, but almost all women dream of having a baby. Men are not always ready to firmly say that they want to continue the family right now, which is why family conflicts arise. So they got married, they have an excellent relationship and perfect mutual understanding, but at a certain moment she announces that she wants to have a child, but he is not ready.

For some time woman she will beg, give reasons and talk about the happy experiences of her friends, but this will not last long. If she has firmly decided that she wants to have a child, she will not get this thought out of her head. Of course, you can spend a lot of time on discussions, thereby delaying the moment, but there is a high probability that one day she will leave. A man must understand that if he decides to get married, then he must have income ready for the birth of a child.

6. His financial insolvency. Sometimes even the strongest love dies due to problems with. Sometimes a woman understands this perfectly and tries with all her might to earn good money, but what if he does not strive for the best? Many men have forgotten how to earn money, but do not understand how important it is for the family.

If wife will constantly spend her money on food and buying household goods, then there is a high probability that she will not have any left over for herself. As a result, she realizes that she needs to look for a more reliable person who wants to fight and work for the happiness of the family. Therefore, a man’s financial insolvency or his unwillingness to grow is often the reason for his wife to leave the family.

7. Problems with wife's parents. For almost all women, relationships with parents are very important. After the wedding, she begins to actively work to ensure that her husband and her parents become good friends, but something goes wrong and the relationship does not work out. Perhaps these are minor conflicts, that there are often entire quarrels and scandals.

A man rarely shows prudence and steps aside, often he not only focuses on the conflict, but also sets his wife against her parents. As a result, the woman decides that she has only one parents, and there are many men, so she leaves, choosing her beloved mom and dad.

Working as a family psychologist for a quarter of a century, I had to communicate thousands of times with women who decided to leave their husbands, including filing for divorce. When they begin to explain their decision, there are almost always two options: “I stopped respecting him” or “I stopped loving him.” Less often, it is added: “I never loved him, I’m tired of forcing myself to live with him,” “I don’t want to suffer myself and for the child to suffer,” “our marriage was initially a mistake, but then I was a young fool, I wanted to get married and have a child.”

In response to my request to detail their position in relation to their husband, the departed wives almost always say that this man did not live up to the expectations placed on him, was not who he tried to pretend to be, and could not behave like a real man. In practice, there are three explanations: “my husband is potentially dangerous for me and the child,” “my husband is a rag, I can’t live with someone I don’t respect,” “my husband is hopeless.”

Each of these concepts, or more precisely, models of male behavior, like a Russian nesting doll, carries its own meanings within itself. According to women leaving their husbands, they usually look like this.

Model No. 1. “My husband is potentially dangerous for me and the child”:

In practice, women mean the following:

— The man is an alcoholic (as a rule, he does not admit it).

— The man is a drug addict (usually, for some time he skillfully hides his addiction to his wife).

— The man is a gambling addict (believing that he is just a gambling person).

— The man is a criminal, or leads a criminal lifestyle.

— The man is a “kitchen boxer” who beats his wife and child.

— A man is emotionally unstable: after a quarrel he can kick his wife and child out of the house (including at night, in the rain or even in winter), and then on his knees asks to come back. Or, during a quarrel, he leaves the house with his things and does not pick up the phone for several days. Leaving the wife to independently deal with such emergency situations as: high fever, appendicitis or injury to the child; lack of money in the family for basic food; a boiling water pipe breaks at home; short circuit in the network, fire, incidents with drunk neighbors, etc.

— Due to his antisocial lifestyle, the husband can infect his family members (including children) with tuberculosis, syphilis, hepatitis, HIV, and other sexually transmitted or skin diseases. A smart woman simply wants to prevent this from happening.

— A man shows sexual interest in his own children or the woman’s children from a previous relationship, and behaves towards them as a sadist.

Model No. 2. “Husband is a wuss”:

Usually, we are talking about the fact that during the entire time of communication with his wife, the husband regularly behaved not like a man, that is, he systematically violated the stereotype of correct male behavior on which girls all over the world are brought up. Hence, after the formation of a set of obvious failures of this particular man to meet women’s expectations, the girl, even before marriage, came to the conclusion: a potential or current husband is not a real man, but his appearance, a fiction! But since the girl is usually very sorry for her lost years, and there is no confidence that the next man will be better, she still creates a family with what she considers a “sub-man” and gives birth to children from him.

But due to the fact that the family already initially had a psychological “defect” in itself, after the birth of a child, the wife receives the long-awaited right to completely switch to him, and the husband, who has not earned respect, naturally remains in an abandoned state. Family sex is dying, attention and affection towards the husband are shown only on payday, the man is assigned only the role of “food” for his wife and child. If he puts up with this, lives peacefully, does not create scandals, the family can exist for quite a long time. As a rule, either until the child grows up, or the wife falls in love with some other man (more brutal and/or wealthy), or until the wife’s own material and social status improves, when she is already able to live on her own means.

If the husband begins to behave according to model No. 1 - “the husband is potentially dangerous for me and the child,” or model No. 3 “The husband is unpromising,” the woman may break up with him earlier, even when the child is small. But in both cases, the woman’s opinion “my husband is a wuss” is the basic model.

What exactly do women mean by the concept of “a husband is a wuss”?

— A man is under the obvious influence of his own relatives: most often - his mother, less often - his father, brother, sister. He makes all his major decisions only taking into account their opinions. And he is not even embarrassed to constantly change his position on certain issues in front of his wife.

— In the process of friendship or already during family life, a man repeatedly allowed his relatives and friends to undeservedly offend his woman.

— A man abandoned his girlfriend many times, and then repented, confessed his love for her and returned. Thus, forming in her a complete feeling of her instability, unpredictability and, therefore, unreliability!

“The girl abandoned her friend many times, but every time he ran after her and humiliatedly begged her to return to him. Having found nothing better, the girl returned to him, but she no longer felt respect for this man. Living in the future (even marrying him) in search of a more worthy option. And as soon as he was found, or in the event of degradation of her existing husband, she was ready to leave, divorce and start a new life.

— After several years of friendship, the man still couldn’t muster up the courage to ask his girlfriend to start living together. She had to propose it herself. Although well-mannered girls do not really like the role of an “obsessive roommate”.

“The man at first refused for a long time and stubbornly to live in the girl’s apartment, citing the fact that it was “unmanly,” and then, under the pressure of life circumstances, he moved in with her anyway. Thus, clearly showing that there is no internal core in it.

— Having started to live together with his future wife, the man was unable to provide separate accommodation for the new unit of society: he either invited his chosen one to live with his parents (relatives), or agreed to live with her parents. In both cases, he automatically lost the role of head of the family, since the main one in this case is usually the mother-in-law or mother-in-law.

— Having lived for some time with his girlfriend/wife (in rented housing or with someone’s parents), tired of the hardships of such a life, the man invites his chosen one to live apart for some time: each with his own parents, relatives or friends (or in dorm). Girls are always shocked by this development of relationships according to the “one step forward, two steps back” pattern. After all, in their opinion, such a man seemed to admit his own weakness!

— Having learned about the pregnancy of a friend or even his wife, the man suggested that she have an abortion. And even the fact that he later changed his mind, regardless of the result of this terrible act - abortion, miscarriage, frozen pregnancy, birth of a child against the will of the man - this man is no longer a man for a girl. Women's logic here is simple: if a man considers the birth of a child premature (no money, job, apartment, education, too young, etc.) - be so kind as to take proper precautions. If you don’t do this, be so kind as to get married! If you are already married to this girl, then you no longer have the moral right to talk about abortion! The family was invented in order to give birth to children. If you are afraid of this, then you are a coward and an egoist. Moreover, the concepts of a coward and an egoist usually coincide.

— Having learned about the girl’s pregnancy, the man abandoned her altogether. Then, of course, he could come back, apologize and even ask her to marry. But here’s the problem: from that moment in time, he ceased to be a man. And having agreed to become the wife of such a man, many girls immediately realize that this will not last long. Only for the period until the child grows up a little.

— The man could not muster up the courage to ask his girlfriend to start a family, he did it under pressure (from her, her or his parents, other relatives, friends) and with great delay.

— Having taken a mistress and then gone through a divorce from his wife, the man never plucked up the courage to officially marry his girlfriend. Thus, showing the aimlessness of his actions and falling greatly in her eyes. And if she then considers it right to leave him and not waste her time, women all over the world will completely understand her.

— A man lived with a girl in a civil marriage for years, declaring to her face that he did not see her as his wife, regularly breaking up with her, or insisting on his fundamental decision to never formalize the marriage, since “this stamp in the passport means absolutely nothing.” " If, in the end, he created an official marriage with this girl, even being a very successful and wealthy man, he will not earn respect for himself from his wife. Because he clearly proved to her that his principles are worthless, he can change them radically. But a woman can still “finish” him, not by washing him, but by rolling him, and get what she wants from him.

- Having already proposed to the girl to start a family, the man then delayed for many months or even years directly submitting an application to the registry office. Until his wife, relatives or life circumstances drove him there. Which, again, did nothing to improve his male status in the eyes of his wife.

— Having already submitted an application to the registry office together with his girlfriend to start a family, the man then changed his mind and withdrew his application, thereby evading registration of the relationship. The interesting thing is that later this man changed his mind again and again submitted an application to the registry office with this girl. (Moreover, it happens that the same man does this several times in a row). A girl who nevertheless decides to start a family with such a man, as a rule, makes a big mistake. But an even bigger mistake, when creating a family with someone who no longer respects him, is made by the man himself.

— During a period of conflict with his wife, the man for some reason declared that he was not the father of their joint child. If after reconciliation he hushes this topic, the man admits his own weakness. Soda also applies to another erroneous model: If, during a period of family conflict, the wife herself suddenly tells her husband that their joint child is not his, and why would the man reconcile with her without applying sanctions, he will again have a pale appearance in her eyes. They won't respect him.

— The man forgave his wife for his betrayal/s or obvious flirting with other men (his swearing and tears do not matter), after which he communicated with her as if nothing had happened. If, at the same time, no sanctions were applied to his wife on his part, or there was no obvious repentance on her part for her actions, as a result of this whole story, the wife will only be finally convinced of the complete “spinelessness” of her husband. This will definitely not strengthen the marriage.

— In response to a specific proposal from his legal wife to have a child (it doesn’t matter which one: first, second, third, etc.), for no apparent reason, the husband refused. Interpreting this in such a way that the husband does not see a joint family future, the wife considers herself free from moral obligations towards her husband. And if she firmly wants more children, she begins to look for another man.

— As a result of family conflicts, the man repeatedly left the family, living with his parents, friends, mistress, in the garage, at the dacha, in the office, in the car, etc. After which, he asked to return to his wife, or returned home himself, or as if nothing had happened. Such unstable behavior does not correspond well to the male standard: “A man said, a man did!” The level of female respect for such a “shuttle husband”, as a rule, falls.

— Having been caught in adultery, a man offers to live separately for some time, asks for a period of time that is incomprehensible to wives all over the world, in order to “understand himself; unravel because you are confused; set priorities”, etc. Many legal wives consider it humiliating to be in a state of forced anticipation of the decision of their Fate. And they are quite understandable: after all, such vague and doubtful behavior is difficult to recognize as masculine. If you did not want to start another family, easily admit your mistake and abandon your mistress. If you are in love with another woman, have the courage to go to the one who loves and is waiting for you. If you can't decide on anything, you are not a man.

— Having been caught in adultery and having promised his wife to stop communicating with his mistress, a man not only secretly continues this communication, but also begins to invest a lot of money in another woman: he buys an apartment, or a car, or a business for his mistress, takes out loans for her and etc. So a man falls in the eyes of his wife three times: he is a liar, he steals from his own children, he is a pathetic object for manipulation by another woman. Hence, there is no point in going through life with someone who secretly creates an alternative family future for himself (especially if his mistress already has a child from him).

I emphasize: if a man did not promise to leave his mistress, or actually left her and was found with another woman, or he communicated with the previous one in a purely consumptive manner, without spending money on her, wives, as a rule, forgive all this. But, only to those men who are strong, strong-willed, and promising for their wives. The behavior of which does not apply to the first and third models. That is, problematic and unpromising husbands and wives, if they cheat, are abandoned. Doing it right away, or spending some time to improve your own situation, saving money for the first time, or slowly choosing some more worthy man. Or the one who seemed like one at first.

Simply put: cheating on her husband makes a woman think about divorce only in one case out of ten! And even then, as a rule, only in the presence of other reasons from among those listed above and below.

A wife will always forgive the betrayal of her husband who is purposeful, successful,

not greedy, loving children, keeping his promises.

The husband - a dependent, rag, unpromising - will not be forgiven

Nothing. Even his indignation at his wife’s betrayal.

Speaking about this, I do not at all justify male infidelity. I’m just clearly illustrating the Roman proverb: “What is permitted to Jupiter is not permitted to a bull!”

— After going through the procedure of divorcing his wife, the man openly robbed his wife and his children, diverting his main assets from an honest division; being a wealthy man, he paid paltry alimony to his children. Then he decided to restore the family, and his ex-wife agreed to this for selfish or other reasons. However, having seen the “true face” of her husband during the divorce process, such a woman will simply be better prepared for her future departure. Having done this, first of all, at the expense of her husband behaving strangely.

Model No. 3. “The husband is hopeless.”

Unpromising is a very broad female concept; it includes both a man’s lack of success in finance and career, and a description of such male behavior when a woman does not feel needed by him, and therefore is not sure of the future. Most often, women mean the following:

— The man did not live up to his wife’s expectations of achieving career success and income growth. For example: a family lives in poverty and without their own home; the husband was never able to obtain a higher education, did not become a boss, often changes jobs, and it is low-paid. Or in general, in fact, the man turned out to be a lazy person and a parasite, an empty theorist and windbag, and not a practitioner of life. Such a man, according to the woman, can give little to his children.

— The man openly degenerated during the relationship or marriage: due to mistakes in his behavior, he lost past connections, lost his position, the level of his moves and, hence, the standard of living of the family dropped noticeably. Such a man does not show any hope of improving his life. Thus, his past attractiveness for his wife, especially a young and ambitious one, dimmed.

— The man turned out to be very stingy and selfish. Even if he earns good money, he spends the money mainly on himself. Rides around the world, dresses expensively, buys cars, boats, motors, guns, equipment for kiting, mountaineering, diving and yachting (etc., etc.), while the house has not been renovated for many years, the family rarely goes to resorts, the wife is forced to constantly beg for money for her current life. Which most women consider extremely humiliating.

— Based on the specifics of his work or personality, a man lives parallel to his family: one is engaged in his hobbies, one goes on vacation, does not tell his wife anything about his life and work, and regularly goes on long business trips. That is, such a man, on the one hand, seems to exist, but on the other hand, he seems to not exist. This state of affairs, when a married woman is essentially single, does not suit everyone.

“The man clearly lives not in the interests of his family, but in the interests of either his relatives or his friends. He abandons all his family affairs at their first request, from which his wife’s patience, one day, ends.

— The man turned out to be a bad father: he does not play or communicate with the children, he openly saves on children (especially non-relative ones), without paying due attention to financing their lives: food, purchasing toys, clothes, medical care, etc.

— A man always treats his wife with distrust, as if she were a stranger. When purchasing apartments, cars, dachas, land, businesses - he writes all this to his relatives and friends. According to his logic, “so as not to divide in case of divorce.” This insults women who see no point in continuing to live with someone who is ready at any second to deprive their loved one of all family material wealth.

— The husband completely kept his life secret from his wife: phone and social networks are password protected; bank card in your pocket; his income is unknown; where he goes is usually a lie; social circle is not clear; what he does is not clear; He doesn’t like to go out to public places with his family. Etc. and so on. The wife does not feel needed by such a man and, quite logically, strives to find someone who will value her and behave more transparently.

— A man for months, and often even years, clearly avoids having an intimate life with his wife. Since a stable active intimate life is an important element of a positive attitude towards life and longevity, many wives decide to leave such a strange husband.

— In the wife’s understanding, the husband has degenerated even in the matter of infidelity: he dates such obviously fallen and unpromising women that this causes shock and condemnation even among those around him. They are so clearly inferior in all respects to their existing spouse that it is beneath her dignity to remain close to someone who collects casual relationships with the most unsuccessful representatives of the female world. And the very logic of his actions and the adequacy of his behavior raises doubts.

- During the marriage, leading an incorrect lifestyle, not hearing timely warnings from his wife, the man acquired some kind of mental disorder, or lost his intimate or reproductive functions. This seriously reduces the comfort of family life and creates a lot of difficulties and problems for his wife, who is completely innocent of this.

Now I will tell you the most important thing. Something that, unfortunately, is usually not understood by those men whose wife has left them. First, it is important to understand:

The departure of a wife from her husband is almost always connected not so much

with the current state of affairs in the family,

how much with the mistakes in my husband’s behavior that were made

in the past, including in the first years of the relationship.

Because it was then that the wife’s initial attitude towards her husband was formed, which later either strengthened or was destroyed. It is this basic opinion of the wife about her husband as a man, and the husband’s ability to preserve, improve or worsen it, that further determines her female family behavior. In this sense, everything is simple:

A wife's leaving her husband is always connected with the fact that the man in question

could not live up to certain female expectations.

From stupidity, bad manners, weakness, laziness, selfishness, cowardice or dependence on another woman - for a woman who is disappointed in him, it doesn’t matter. Secondly:

The departure of a wife from her husband is almost always connected not so much with some

fresh conflict in the family, how much with improved financial

and/or social status of the woman, growing up of the child

or the appearance of another man in her life.

That is, the logic of female behavior in the case of leaving her husband is usually simple: More and more new family conflicts are superimposed on the base in the form of the husband’s indecisive behavior and his mistakes, disrespect for him as a man. If a woman has a small child, obvious financial dependence on her husband and lacks confidence in the appearance of a new partner, the woman will prefer to endure and stay with her husband. If the child has matured, has her own money or has received financial help from someone outside (parents, girlfriends, sponsor-lover, new friend, etc.), or has fallen in love with someone else, the woman may take the risk of leaving the family and try to start a new life. If there was no child in the family or the man pushed for an abortion, or due to conflicts the pregnancy was interrupted by miscarriage or fetal death, the woman is all the more prone to drastic actions. If during this period she begins a relationship with a man from another city, region or country, she will decide even faster to break up and leave her husband.

Accordingly, if his beloved woman or wife has left a man, he should very critically and objectively evaluate his own male behavior throughout his love and family history. If his manly behavior was ideal, he has nothing to worry about: his wife will most likely return on her own. And then it’s up to him to decide how manly it would be to take her back.

If he clearly sees his many male mistakes, then the likelihood of his wife returning will be very low. And again, it’s not a fact that it should be returned. After all, if a man in this case again behaves not like a man and humiliatingly begs to forgive him, this may in no way improve his masculine reputation in her eyes. Thus, it will not increase his male attractiveness. In such cases, sometimes it is more logical to break up and start a new relationship with another woman, but without repeating your past male actions.

If there were few male mistakes, or they were already corrected by real male behavior in subsequent years of communication and family life, there is clearly a chance for the return of the departed wife. It does not consist at all in the man’s sobs and not in his humiliation. And the point is that a man behaves like a man even when his wife has left. Only in this case can she not only return, but the restored family will become even stronger. This is what I sincerely wish for all men who find themselves in this difficult situation.

Now re-read the reasons described above again and analyze your male behavior. This may be useful for you even if your wife does not leave you, or even if you are not yet married at all. In this case, you will know how to behave like a man, or you will be able to correct your male mistakes in relationships in a timely manner. By eliminating any danger of conflicts with your wife and her possible subsequent departure from you.

If you need help assessing the prospects for your family situation in a conflict with your wife, or after your wife leaves you, or you need advice on choosing the optimal strategy for your male behavior in the family, I will be happy to help in personal or online consultation.

Sincerely, Your family psychologist, Doctor of Science, Prof., Andrey Zberovsky

Make an appointment for a personal appointment and remote consultation

(phone, viber, whatsapp, skype): +7 902 990 5168, +7 926 633 5200.

Thousands of couples get divorced every year. This happens for very serious reasons: infidelity, alcoholism, drug addiction, violence. Therefore, it is extremely surprising when wives leave good husbands, as it seems at first glance. But are these men really that good, since their wives prefer divorce rather than living together?

What a good husband he is

What kind of man do women dream about? The ideal husband, according to the female half, is a handsome, intelligent, wealthy, generous man without bad habits. But, as real practice shows, unfortunately, we are talking about completely different people. And even a seemingly perfect marriage always has invisible cracks. We are sincerely surprised when a family that had no problems breaks up. But since she was affected by a divorce, it means there were problems. And many single women, constantly in search of happiness, do not understand why their friends leave good husbands. It would seem that he doesn’t drink, earns well, is the life of the party - one can only dream of such a husband. And surely wives don’t leave such good husbands. Therefore, first you need to understand what the concept of a good husband means for modern women.

Today, the idea of ​​the male ideal has narrowed significantly. Modern women no longer dream of noble knights and princes on white horses. It is enough that the chosen one does not have harmful vices, is healthy and provides for the family. Therefore, most wives tolerate infidelity and numerous mistresses, attributing this to male nature. There are very few truly good husbands, and therefore, when an ideal marriage breaks up, society does not understand the spouse - what was she missing? When wondering why wives leave good husbands, it is important to know that the reason for divorce may not always be infidelity, assault or alcoholism - reasons that are considered global.

Reasons for divorce in wealthy families

As already mentioned, if the wife left for no apparent reason, this does not mean that there was no reason. Women take the institution of family much more seriously than men. Good nature, love, patience and sacrifice - thanks to these feminine qualities, many families are preserved. If the wife left for someone else or simply left, she did not do it suddenly, but thoughtfully and carefully prepared. So, why do wives leave husbands who are not alcoholics, parasites and tyrants?

1. The woman is not ready for family life. This is especially true for girls who grew up in wealthy families, spoiled by parental affection. These individuals were told that the whole world would fall at their feet, but this does not happen in family life, and girls simply run away from even ideal spouses.
2. Early marriage. Many families are created during student years, based on love and passion. It seems to young people that their love can endure a lot, but after a while, basic everyday life destroys the family, the spouses get to know each other better and realize the mistake.
3. Husband's greed. Any woman will get tired if her husband constantly reprimands her for the shoes or dress she bought. You won’t get any gifts from such a husband, and if he gives you something on an important occasion, he will spend a long time talking and complaining about how much he spent.
4. The spouses became strangers to each other. This often happens after decades of marriage, when the children have already grown up, and the partners are not perceived by each other through the romantic prism of relationships. Relationships are dominated by pragmatism, calculation, habit, and the need for coexistence. There are no longer any common interests or topics of conversation. Each spouse has their own separate life. And this life, even without scandals and showdowns, leads to a woman leaving her husband, sometimes vice versa. After all, life ends, and there is a lot to be done.
5. The heart wants love. Women are romantic and emotional in nature, and this feature is not lost over the years. Therefore, when feelings between spouses have cooled down, a woman begins to seek solace on the side, and she is not looking for banal sex, but rather spiritual intimacy, affection and love.

"Disadvantages" of Good Husbands

It is clear that the problem does not appear suddenly and out of nowhere. Most likely, these are the woman’s unsatisfied desires and goals that have accumulated over the years. When marrying an ideal man, a woman expects stability and prosperity, and receives the following:

• a good husband is too ideal that you begin to doubt whether he is human;
• he has everything laid out on shelves and calculated by the minute, and any deviation from the norm causes him to panic;
• ideal men easily come under attention, and most often are mama's boys;
• he is ideal himself and strives to make the woman next to him ideal;
• the ideal man is not persistent, cultured and too polite.

The complete opposite of ideal and good husbands are bad guys, with whom you will not get bored, getting into various unpleasant and even dangerous situations.

Why do wives leave good husbands for bad boys?

This question interests men starting from school age. Suffice it to remember that no one likes nerds, despite their intelligence and great prospects. And although a woman dreams of a kind, gentle, loving spouse all her life, marriage to such a person does not guarantee that she will not leave for the first notorious scoundrel. This situation causes bewilderment among good husbands, respectable family men: what was missing in her family life to exchange well-being and stability for who knows what? The answer to this question also reveals the problem of why people leave good, faithful, reliable spouses. When tying herself to a bad guy, a woman:

• sees in him a brave and courageous hero who does not care about public opinion;
• just wants to disperse boredom and melancholy, to feel like a femme fatale;
• dreams of re-educating, changing and saving the scoundrel with the power of his feelings;
• experiences excitement from touching the forbidden.

As you can see, even the ideal man that every girl dreams of is not, in fact, always the key to a strong and happy family. But the bad guy to whom the wife leaves her respectable husband is unlikely to give her what she needs. Therefore, the reasons why wives leave good husbands are most often unfounded and caused by women's emotionality. But while some women complain about the tediousness of their ideal spouse, others simply dream of someone who will brighten up their loneliness.