Alexander Perlin. Angry political information on the most pressing “topic of the day”

I looked for Luxembourg on the map... I found it only when I thought of catching a fly. Some minor misunderstanding... I previously knew about Luxembourg, only that last year the Minister of Economy of Armenia, Karen Chshmarityan, was robbed there... Suddenly, like thunder, clear skies: Luxembourg is entering the space race to extract raw materials from asteroids... And judging by the determination Deputy Prime Minister Etienne Schneider, the brave Luxemburgers on the path to progress can only be stopped by death... or diarrhea...

When the authorities announced their determination to begin developing space mines, it turned out that the market was literally overflowing with reputable companies ready to immediately begin developing the budget for asteroids and all sorts of other things. celestial bodies. As a result of a difficult choice, the government chose the Californian Deep Space Industries (DSI). The determining factor that influenced the choice of this particular company, according to the same Etienne, was that: “It good portfolio"... To tears, damn it!

So they choose a whore from escort services, for the weekend for the boss:

Does she build spaceships?

Not yet, but she's ready to start! Just look at her amazing portfolio!

I see it already... Number four, if I'm not mistaken?

Offend... Fifth! Will you take it?

Aaaaand... Can I see everyone!?

Whether everyone watched it or not, I won’t lie, but the Luxembourg government signed the contract with DSI... The cost of the contract is not disclosed, but judging by the fact that we're talking about about space exploration, the sums there are also cosmic. However, the Luxembourg leadership has no doubts about the integrity of DSI. These are crystal honest guys! It's not their policy to scam clients. To be convinced of this, just look at the portfolio: created in 2013 for the “industrial development of asteroids,” the company immediately began looking for twenty million dollars... Because as soon as the lack of this amount prevented the immediate development of mineral deposits in deep space... Mere pennies for investors , considering that the cost of launching an ordinary satellite starts at one hundred million dollars... However, there have already been precedents in history when great projects were carried out practically for nothing: for example, to organize an interplanetary chess congress, Grandmaster Bender, according to his assurances, needed only two hundred rubles... “for telegrams” ...

According to the signed contract, DSI undertakes to open in Luxembourg research center on the basis of which the Prospector-X spacecraft will be built, which will directly engage in the development of asteroids... It is known that when modern level technology, building a spaceship is no longer a question for a normal offshore company! Any breeder of March cats will confirm this to you!

However, you don’t know the best part yet! According to the concessionaires, the spacecraft will launch into deep space... Guess what! No, not a satellite, as you just thought, but a 3D printer that will print a satellite that will find an asteroid and deliver it to low Earth orbit, where it will be disassembled (the asteroid is not a satellite) into minerals and useless garbage! How do you like the idea!? Inspiring, isn't it!? And you still don’t know what exactly these stoners are going to get! Gold - platinum, do you think? Ha!!! According to DSI Executive Director David Gump, of course there is gold and platinum on asteroids, but in small quantities, so they will extract water... Well, yes, there are two or so ordinary space ash... From an average asteroid you can extract this water... hold on to your chairs... For five trillion dollars!!! The fact is that David determined the cost of a liter of water at twenty thousand greenbacks... Kevin Boyd, selling Hollywood loons water “Bling H2O”, forty bucks a bottle, on a tie, half-eaten Saakashvili will hang himself if he finds out about such horse prices! The extracted water will not be drunk or delivered to the ground, no, this is too simple and predictable! The company intends to use the liquid as fuel for spaceships... Yes, comrades, you heard right, in addition to other template-breaking inventions, the DSI company has come up with a completely new, innovative engine for rockets that runs on water... Well, like on water... For a couple... And spit in the eyes of anyone who says, that the steam engine was invented in 1689 by Thomas Savery, because in fact it was discovered last year by the Californian company Deep Space Industries... And there is a corresponding patent... As soon as the issue with space stokers is resolved, the steam starships of Luxembourg will immediately begin to plow the expanses of the universe in search of new asteroids to extract water, to use it as fuel for new spaceships looking for new asteroids!

Welcome to our club of great space powers, dear Luxemburgers!!!

Comrades who are afraid that these space assholes will drop some kind of stone on our heads need not worry... That’s not why all this was started...

The funny thing is that the population, for the most part, ardently supports the idea of ​​​​allocating budget funds for this project, even despite the fact that the government carefully hides the size of the investment because, in the words of Schneider: “Our people are tired of hearing about the leak of the Panama Files,” Luxembourg leakage” or about Luxembourg as a tax haven, which we are not. Three quarters of our business activity is not related to financial sector, and people want to develop the satellite industry and sector high technology Luxembourg, which are already strong.”

Just a reserve of some kind of standard suckers.... By the way, the level of corruption in Luxembourg, according to experts, is one of the lowest in the world, yeah...

A satellite is dragging an asteroid to Luxembourg... Residents of the Benelux are running away screaming... In the photo, the Queen of the Netherlands, Beatrix (in black), is running away screaming...

Naturally, a couple of obscene brawlers - Vovan and Lexus - could not ignore this disgrace, and took a very active part in it... Citizen Pazdere was tricked into a bald head by calling her under the guise of the Minister of Justice from Kuyov. Flattered, Pazdera advised the “Maidanuts” not to be shy and also to file a claim against Russia for the occupation, and not to be modest and start with a trillion... “You just need to find out which organization to file a claim with,” she finished... I need to write in sports lotto, I’ll be a bastard!

The singer from fairyland... This is an undoubted success of the Kyiv authorities... Simply because there are no other successes... It is quite natural that they are now terribly proud of what they showed to the Russian aggressors... And what did they show? What have we not seen from the Maidanists yet? I really don’t understand why some of our comrades are so overexcited? Were you treated unfairly? You might think that before this we were treated extremely fairly... Now, if the victory had been given to Lazarev, then we would have been proud of him... Seriously? That is, you can’t be proud of Lazarev now? I think that there will be no objections from Seryozha if someone immediately starts to be proud of him... Although, as for me, I’m proud of a little other things. For example, our Paralympian swimming team. The guys won eighty-five (!!!) medals at the European Championships in Portugal, thirty of them gold... What, haven’t you heard? That's right, because the morally deficient employees of VGTRK did not talk about this, filling the entire prime time for two weeks with fascinating adventures in the musical Europe of fierce half-sidors in half-sneakers...

And Frau Merkel, meanwhile, was planted with a pig... Well, like a pig... just the head... Right in the waiting room... The dog came with the police, promising to find the villains who encroached on German democracy... I, like an old opera, would advise Cameron to be stabbed. This suspicious zoophile loves pig heads, but in its own way, in the worst sense... Recently, the British press told the amazed world about the small weakness of the political heavyweight with a joyful squeal... It is clear that Cameron got scared and began to get rid of evidence, turning the arrows on others:

Am I a zoophile? Look at Frau Merkel!

In short, to each his own:

Merkel - pig's head

Svidomites - Eurobachenye,

For Luxemburgers - deep space,

To the Balts - in the face...

Yes, I almost forgot! Maslenitsa for cats! You deserve it, you woolly muzzles! There is a tradition in the Predtechensky monastery of the Optina Monastery - a small ceremony is performed here every day. procession. Can such an event take place without the participation of cats?

Two things currently concern me: why the descendants of the biblical Seth are called Sethites, and not syphilitics, and until when in our bloody Mordor, every caricatured nit, positioning itself exclusively as the “conscience of the nation” will not be allowed to smear everything it can reach with belge !?

I was prompted to this thought by the speech at the opening of the monument to Prince Vladimir by Natalya Solzhenitsyn, who, as you know, raised the banner of the struggle for honesty and integrity from the hands of Alexander Isaich, who fell in this most unequal struggle.

We must “have the honesty and courage to condemn evil, not justify it and not sweep the memory of it under the carpet so that it is not visible,” the fighter said on National Unity Day...

Thank you, of course... It was difficult, but I condemned it. First of all, naturally, Natalya Dmitrievna herself, who managed to whine about repression even at the holiday of unity and reconciliation... Since then it has gone on like this - I regularly condemn someone

I now condemn the elf community of critics who have appointed a new human idol year... It turned out to be... drum roll... our national Truffoldino-Konstantin Arkadyevich... For “courage and uncompromisingness in defending freedom of creativity”... Applause!

In fairness, it is worth noting that Raikin really boldly called for additional funding, and at the same time, completely uncompromisingly managed to get rid of the profit-generating “Raikin Plaza”: they say, I don’t know what kind of Raika built this barn... Well done, what... Moreover, judging by the fact that the Minister of Culture Medinsky categorically refused to announce the amount allotted to the director for the continuation of stage excrement... experiments, we are talking about really big money:

May I ask how much of an obscene amount of money you are willing to spend: obscene or grossly obscene?
- Flagrantly obscene (c).

We express our hope that the theater actors next year they will be even more selfless on stage (in a bad sense), fortunately now they have something to spend on... But in fact, this year the Truffoldins were given a measly 235 million from the treasury, which is completely insufficient for full-fledged propaganda of fagdom...

Lyrical digression: In a terrible and wild castle, far, far beyond the mountains of the Gray Urals, among dense thickets and impassable swamps, lies the Kurgan College of Construction Technologies. A rare applicant, having worn down five pairs of boots, will reach its walls, and having looked around this vale of sorrows with a quick glance, in which the secret fire of madness and vice smolders, will knock on the heavy oak door made of bad Chinese plastic in order to touch the underside of life and learn secret essence construction specialty items...

Nevertheless, at the very least, the technical school produces one and a half hundred qualified builders every year... This year, the amount allocated for its existence from the budget amounted to as much as 17 million rubles... So, comrades... Now everyone can calculate for themselves how many times the fagots more valuable than qualified construction workers... Good luck...

However, it would be a big mistake to believe that the craving for beauty is characteristic only of Raikin; other representatives of the tribe of directors are no less adept at attracting funding from the budget, delighting the audience with imperishables... If, of course, the muse comes in time... Although, in my opinion, our geniuses are creative - liberal inclination, the muses haven’t stopped by for a long time, only music...

Konstantin Bogomolov, with his brilliant performance “Gargantua and Pantagruel”, recently in Krasnoyarsk suffered blasphemy and reproach from the local audience... The audience did not like the fact that the actor of his troupe was running around the stage without pants... Under the crimson ringing of the frozen Faberge artist, the Krasnoyarsk audience left, spitting auditorium… These aren’t even quilted jackets, they’re just some kind of rednecks... They don’t understand nihrune in the art. An artist, he serves!!! He, lest V knew, calls it “service”... All real men serve: opera in Dagestan, special forces in Syria, firefighters-paratroopers frostbitten to the core, who are thrown into the burning taiga... And he, an artist, he also serves! This guy takes off his pants on stage! Service, yup! And just like pilots and submariners, these clowns superstitiously avoid the relative adjective “last”, using the harshly real, masculine “extreme performance” like all males wearing pants... But what am I talking about!? They jump around the stage without pants, showing off their ass hole to theatergoers...

- I never said that all actors are rednecks. I said that actors should be treated like cattle... It’s not me who didn’t say, it’s Hitchcock, if anything, he didn’t say... More precisely, he said that he didn’t say...

However, Bogomolov himself believes that “the audience received the performance well”... Indeed: they didn’t stuff their faces, they didn’t throw tomatoes at them, and not all the spectators were crazy: why be upset!

Directors are like children... Moreover, children are seriously mentally ill: intellectuals with a penchant for pathology... At the meeting " creative workers” with Putin, Alexander Sokurov asked to “solve the problem” with the Ukrainian director Oleg Sentsov: “20 years of camps. There’s a guy sitting in the northern camp”... The Darkest One must free the “guy” on the simple grounds that he is a director and did not understand “the complexities and intricacies of the political moment”... Fucking hell! Sentsov created and led a terrorist organization of a right-wing sexual orientation to organize sabotage in Crimea! What the fuck, " this moment!?”... However, Sokurov does not care about these little things, because the director will not suck out the director’s eyes...

However, of course, not all directors are true bilzophiles; it happens that in their mental turmoil, wittingly or unwittingly, some of them still cross the line of what is permissible, completely irresponsibly, filming any non-format, without the gloomy garbage dump landscapes, the eternal Russian drunkenness , and naked professional secret employees of the NKVD...

Usually the director’s community treats such antics condescendingly, they say, what can you expect from an eccentric and a buffoon, but there are exceptions when an overbearing creator touches on topics that are completely indecent, from the point of view of a creative liberal, gets a juicy slap in the tinsel... At a time when all true believers directors, the Ministry of Culture with a generous hand weighs out shekels (finances in the good, biblical, sense of A.P.), Alexei Uchitel is weighed out exclusively with zvizdyuli... The reason is that the creator was just showing off! I couldn’t, like everyone else, make a movie about how the evil Beria raped schoolgirls, no, I had to take aim at the sacred! I decided to make a film about the second version of Tsar Nicholas! Oh well, it would be nice to talk about how Lenin and Stalin personally viciously tortured him in the dungeons, but no! The film is called "Matilda" and tells about the "romantic" relationship between Nikolai and famous ballerina... not Volochkova, if so... (This is me for the schoolboy - a comrade)... Ballerina-Matilda Kshesinskaya (Malechka) had affairs with several representatives of the royal family: her brother Nikolai-George, Grand Dukes Sergei Mikhailovich and Andrei Vladimirovich... She used the established connections exclusively for the purpose of personal enrichment and advancement social status(Malechka’s backup dancer was Anna Pavlova herself, and she got married in Eventually, married the above-mentioned Andrei Vladimirovich, becoming most holy princess Romanovskaya-Krasnovskaya)... In general, a typical secular proto-woman, damn it... The trouble is that in those dark times these representatives of the feline were popularly characterized (now this beautiful custom, unfortunately, has been lost) with a short but succinct word, starting with the letter “b” ", which I do not cite here, solely for their censorship reasons... However, it is precisely this circumstance that infuriates the community of bread-crunch elves... Although, it would seem, what’s wrong with this: well, the single Nicholas, who was not even a tsar yet, got into trouble, so, The Caesar quietly arranged an affair with a cultural figure, and what!? He has complete right and left, but the sect of his admirers categorically does not approve of this choice! And not at all because of tactical technical characteristics Little girls, fat in the bikini area, plus-size models... Their shrill indignation, sometimes turning into ultrasound, causes the publication of the very fact of the “vicious” relationship of the sovereign-emperor... For there is no reason to stain his snow-white clothes with all sorts of lionesses!

Now the public council of the Ministry of Culture is dealing with the “Matilda” case... They organized a closed screening, “for their own people,” after which they will decide whether to ban the film’s distribution... Yes, yes, comrades, that’s exactly what the head said working group Pavel Pozhigailo... There’s nothing even to add to this... Well, except to state the fact that never before has this council banned either films or performances, even the most severe Russophobia was only quietly condemned... In a low voice... It must be said that earlier the same Pozhigailo assured that we have no censorship... Uh-huh...

I believe that the director, Teacher, himself had no idea what forces he would be able to awaken with his brazen prank... However, you need to think before doing such things! Hey, it would be safer for him to give Valuev a kick in the Duma corridor... Look, he would have managed to escape...

Like this sad story happened to our Teacher, comrades... And they didn’t poison him with the Orthodox Gopnik Dima Enteo! This young-earth creationist is keeping a low profile for now, because the command: “Release the Kraken,” is waiting. Then it will definitely not seem like enough to anyone!

However, it would be wrong to say that the existence of hand-shaking elves in Mordor is completely easy and carefree! Bloody KGB and dark forces, they are often viciously oppressed...

For several months now, Nikita Mikhalkov has been excitedly rummaging around in the liberal hive. To fight the Yeltsin Alcohol Center, the maestro is actively mobilizing the shirnarmass... Insept elves, accused of deliberately distorting history, are expectedly buzzing with displeasure... Recently, Naina Yeltsina stood up to defend the “cultural and leisure” institution, uncompromisingly declaring to the presumptuous director that he “directly insults the people who in those years worked for the benefit of our country”... It’s already funny... Although, if by “our country” the country means Pendostan, then yes, they worked, what’s more... I’ll say more, they didn’t give up their hands... You can't argue with that! Look, the deceased promised to put his hand, his hand on the rails if prices went up, but then he became depressed, started drinking, and never did...

So that Mikhalkov had the opportunity to be convinced of the depth of his moral decline, Naina Iosifovna invited him to personally visit the alcohol center... “... the master will come, the master will judge us”... It was in vain that she did it, by all means... The master turned out to be easy to rise to and really stuck to Yekaterinburg... Predictably not finding in the buffet of the “cultural” center the symbol of the nineties alcohol “Royal”, a model of the bridge from which the bloody KGB threw politics, as well as the installation “Drunk Yolkin conducts an orchestra”, Nikita Sergeich was upset and said that if he had examined it earlier exposition, then I would have expressed myself much more rudely about the alcohol center... He shouldn’t have said that... After all, there were good moments! Were!!! For example, they promised us that twenty million extra fellow citizens would die out, but they cut down almost half as many oak trees... Isn’t that an achievement for Yeltsin’s redhead!? Did Yolkin bring freedom? Without a doubt! First, he freed the people from morality, then from property, then from sovereignty... What else do you, bastards, want!? I’ll say more: some actually flourished under him! Is it true, most of just like Stepan Petrovich in the picture:

By the way, this is how people portray the real Petrovich. An arthropod misunderstanding, with a toad's mouth, patented by Mr. Bilzho- falsified Petrovich, who is graphic image artist's diagnosis...

Nevertheless, while Barin wields the cudgel of popular anger in the warm liberal community, I still have hope that sooner or later the alcohol center will be repurposed into a sobering-up center... Considering Mikhalkov’s assertiveness and obstinacy in achieving the goal, this version of events seems to be quite probable...

Come on, Sergeich, burn! Break them, these are the wrong bees! Safsem are wrong!!!

Well, while Barin is poisoning the liberals, the bloody Morodorian KGB is also not sitting idle. The other day, Petrozavodsk cops exposed citizen Gandolf of pedophilia, long time hiding under the mask of Memorial activist Yuri Dmitriev...

The gray magician became so accustomed to the character that he even headed the Karelian branch of this foreign agent... the Memorial Foundation, in the sense... The defendant’s human rights activities were put an end to by the court, which arrested him for: “using a minor for the purpose of producing pornographic materials or objects”... Oops ...

Relatives, friends and colleagues in a dangerous business confidently declare his complete innocence, they say the case is fabricated, and the evidence was planted directly by the bloody KGB... Yeah... I, too, first of all, thought so!

The dried fruit itself assures that only magical grimoires and an image of the “Eye of Sauron” were stored on his computer... I’ll say this, comrades: this is not an eye... This is not a visual organ at all... This is below...

However, the most wonderful thing happened in St. Petersburg: the local mayor’s office blamed Mannerheim for the deaths of thousands of Leningrad residents: ... “The opening of the sign in the form of a bas-relief to a person who should equally share with the Nazi military leaders the blame for the siege of Leningrad and the death of hundreds of thousands of city residents as a result of it, rightly caused a negative resonance and indignation in society.”

It would be extremely interesting to hear the opinion on this matter of the opener memorial plaque Mr. Medinsky...

- We have the means (we were convinced of this in the story with the trufaldines), we do not have enough intelligence (c).