Games for children: anecdotes, funny jokes, humorous stories, children's humor, school poems about school, stories about school life, competitions, riddles, pictures. Children's jokes about school
Five-year-old daughter to her mother trying on a new fur coat:
- Mommy! How beautiful you are in this fur coat!
“Really?...” Mom was delighted.
- Is it true. You look like a shepherd in it!
***
I ask my son (3 years 10 months): “Sasha, how many children do you want when you grow up?” “As much as the wife hatches, so much will be…”
***
In a minibus, a man gave up his seat to a woman. And I had the following dialogue with my three-year-old daughter:
- Mom, why did uncle give up his seat?
- Because he is a man.
- Are other men tired of being men?
You should have seen the proud face of a MAN!
***
Today my son (6 years old) came up and said:
- Life has no meaning.
I ask:
- Why?
Answer:
- My teeth fell out...Who needs me now?
***
I feed Rada (2 years 8 months) with a spoon and persuade him:
- Well, let's go for mom, for Inna!
My daughter chewed for about five minutes, I told her again:
- Let's go for Lyuba now!
Radmila, pointing her finger at her still full mouth, says:
- Wait. There's also Inna.
***
Katya was 2 years old - the glorious period of ownership, when everything was “mine” - my potty, my dad, my toys, etc. Walking with dad in the yard. Dad teases her:
- My tree!
- Nooo, this is my tree!
- My shop!
- Nooo, this is my shop!
- My hydroelectric power station! - and waits to see how the daughter will react to a difficult and unfamiliar word.
Katya thought and thought, and casually answered:
- But I don’t need it!
***
Ilya (4 years old) stands at the door to the bathroom, where his dad is taking a bath:
- Dad, what are you doing there?
- I'm warming myself.
- You're lying on the battery, right?
***
Anya, 4 years old, seeing newly born kittens:
- Oh, they’re so cute, they look so much like mice, you can only tell by their faces that they’re people!
***
My sister was 4 years old. She listens to mom and dad arguing for a long time, and then says: “Dad, do as you want, but only as mom said.”
***
Ksyusha, 5 years old
We get dressed and tie a scarf for her.
- Don’t tie it too tight, I just ate!
***
From the life of our kindergarten. During a physical education class, the teacher says to Sasha (4 years old):
- Heels together, toes apart.
“I can’t,” said Sasha.
- Why?..
- I forgot what a “heel” is, and my mother left me to wash my socks, and today I’m wearing tights...
***
I’m getting my son ready for a walk, putting on his boots, and to speed up the process I decided to help:
- Give me the leg.
The son raises his leg, it seems to me that it is the wrong one. I say:
- Give me another one!
He serves another. I understand that he was right the first time, and again:
- Give me another one!
The son looks around in surprise, spreads his hands and says:
- And no more!
***
My sister fell in kindergarten and hit her elbow. He gets into the car and says:
- I fell today and didn’t cry at all! Mom, I'm ready to give birth!
***
Dima (3 years 9 months) unwraps the candy.
- Dim, will you share with me?
- No. I can't!
- Why?
With a pleased look:
- Because I am GREEDY!
- Is it good to be greedy?
- Well... - chewing on the candy: - not bad!!!
***
- Mom, what kind of soup is this?!
- Pickle. Eat.
- I don't feel cucumbers.
- Well, they’re swimming.
I hear him crying.
- What's happened?
- They don't swim!!! They don't move at all!
***
We have our hearing checked by a doctor at the clinic. The doctor whispers:
- Candy.
Seva (3 years old), also in a whisper:
- I can’t - I’m allergic...
***
My son (5 years old) took a swim, came out of the shower stall, and shouted: “Mom, I washed myself!” Then, more quietly, looking in the mirror: “First, I washed, then, I shaved, then, I got married,” he sighs, “So life will pass…»
***
At the store today they gave change and the five dropped. I tell the little one:
- Bunny, please pick it up.
Then the man next to me picks it up and gives it to me with the words:
- Of course, I’m not a bunny...
Small, so indignantly:
- Why did you raise it then?
***
In the morning we go to the bus stop, carrying Vanya (3 years 3 months) in my arms:
- Mom, why?..
- Van, calm down, it’s already hard for me!
- Mom, why?..
- Van, leave me alone with your questions, let’s get on the minibus and ask.
- Mom, why didn’t you put on my shoes!!!
***
A child brings an unfamiliar toy car from kindergarten. I ask:
-Where did you get the car from?
- Ah... it was Vovka and I who changed...
- Vovka gave you a car, but what did you give him?
After thinking, he answers:
- I gave it to the neck...
***
- Thea, what are you sculpting from plasticine, my girl, a flower?
- No.
Continues to sculpt a thin vertical stick.
- And what? A tree?
- No.
- What is this?
- Bent reinforcement.
***
The family is expecting an addition. Lisa (5 years old) asks her mother:
- Why is your belly getting bigger and bigger?
- I ate a watermelon, swallowed a seed, and now a new watermelon is growing in my stomach! - Mom answers.
Lisa narrows her eyes and puts her hands on her hips:
- Aren’t you pregnant, my dear?
***
I send my son (3 years old) to wash his hands before lunch. Stands and holds his hands under the stream of water. I say:
- Wash your hands, three of them.
He looked at me like I was crazy:
- Two of them.
***
I ask Vityusha:
- Do you keep any animals at home?
Proudly answers:
- Let's hold! Cat and frozen mackerel!..
Egor, 4 years old:
- Mom, what will I be when I grow up?
- Who do you want?
- Driver. Who will dad be when he grows up?
- So he has already grown up.
Child, puzzled:
- Already grown? Why do we feed him?
***
I ask my daughter (4.5 years old):
- What do you play in kindergarten?
Amelia:
- In “Let's get married!”
- And who invented such a game?
- Artyom.
- It’s strange... Usually boys play with cars and soldiers, but Artyom came up with “Let’s get married”?
Daughter very seriously:
- Well, yes... Because a smart boy knows what girls need.
- Call Natasha to the phone!
- Natasha is not here, what should I tell her?
- Give her five rubles!
The patient came to the doctor:
- Doctor, you advised me to count to 100,000 to fall asleep!
- Well, did you fall asleep?
- No, it’s already morning! Sent by Yana Sukhoverkhova from Estonia, Pärnu May 18, 2003
- Vasya! Doesn't it bother you that you're left-handed?
- No. Every person has their own shortcomings. For example, with what hand do you stir the tea?
- Right!
- Here you see! A normal people stir with a spoon!
A crazy person is walking down the street and dragging a thread behind him.
A passerby asks him:
- Why are you dragging a thread behind you?
What should I push forward?
- My neighbor was a vampire.
- How did you know this?
“And I drove an aspen stake into his chest, and he died.”
- Boy, why are you crying so bitterly?
- Because of rheumatism.
- What? So small and you already have rheumatism?
- No, I got a bad mark because I wrote “rhythmism” in the dictation!
- Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!
- And the day after tomorrow?
- Petya, why are you laughing? Personally, I don’t see anything funny!
- And you can’t even see: you sat on my jam sandwich!
— Petya, how many excellent students are there in your class?
- Not counting me, four.
- Are you an excellent student?
- No. That's what I said - not counting me!
Phone call in the staff room:
- Hello! Is this Anna Alekseevna? Tolik's mother says.
- Who? I can't hear well!
- Tolika! I spell it out: Tatyana, Oleg, Leonid, Ivan, Kirill, Andrey!
- What? And all the children are in my class?
During a drawing lesson, one student turns to his neighbor at his desk:
- You drew great! I've got an appetite!
- Appetite? From sunrise?
- Wow! And I thought you drew scrambled eggs!
During a singing lesson, the teacher said:
— Today we’ll talk about opera. Who knows what opera is?
Vovochka raised his hand:
- I know. This is when one person kills another in a duel, and the other sings for a long time before falling!
The teacher handed out notebooks after checking the dictation.
Vovochka approaches the teacher with her notebook and asks:
- Maria Ivanovna, I didn’t understand what you wrote below!
— I wrote: “Sidorov, write legibly!”
The teacher talked in class about great inventors. Then she asked the students:
-What would you like to invent?
One student said:
— I would invent such a machine: you press a button and all the lessons are ready!
- What a lazy person! - the teacher laughed.
Then Vovochka raised his hand and said:
“And I would come up with a device that would press this button!”
Vovochka answers in zoology class:
- The length of the crocodile from head to tail is 5 meters, and from tail to head - 7 meters...
“Think about what you’re saying,” the teacher interrupts Vovochka. - Is it possible?
“It happens,” Vovochka answers. - For example, from Monday to Wednesday - two days, and from Wednesday to Monday - five!
— Vovochka, what do you want to become when you grow up?
- An ornithologist.
- Is this the one who studies birds?
- Yeah. I want to cross a pigeon with a parrot.
- For what?
- What if suddenly the pigeon gets lost, so that it can ask the way home!
The teacher asks Vovochka:
—What are the last teeth a person develops?
“Artificial,” answered Vovochka.
Vovochka stops the car on the street:
- Uncle, take me to school!
- I'm going in the opposite direction.
- All the better!
“Dad,” says Vovochka, “I must tell you that tomorrow there will be a small meeting of students, parents and teachers at school.”
— What does “small” mean?
- It's just you, me and the homeroom teacher.
We wrote a dictation. When Alla Grigorievna was checking the notebooks, she turned to Antonov:
- Kolya, why are you so inattentive? I dictated: “The door creaked and opened.” What did you write? "The door creaked and fell off!"
And everyone laughed!
“Vorobiev,” said the teacher, “you didn’t do your homework again!” Why?
— Igor Ivanovich, we had no light yesterday.
- And what were you doing? Perhaps you watched TV?
- Yeah, in the dark...
And everyone laughed!
A young teacher complains to her friend:
“One of my students completely tormented me: he makes noise, misbehaves, disrupts lessons!
- But he has at least one thing positive quality?
- Unfortunately, there is - he doesn’t miss classes...
At the lesson German language We went through the topic "My Hobby". The teacher called Petya Grigoriev. He stood and was silent for a long time.
“I don’t hear the answer,” said Elena Alekseevna. — What is your hobby?
Then Petya said in German:
- Their bin briefmarke! (I am a postage stamp!)
And everyone laughed!
The lesson has begun. The teacher asked:
— Duty officer, who is absent from class?
Pimenov looked around and said:
— Mushkin is absent.
At this time, Mushkin’s head appeared in the doorway:
- I'm not absent, I'm here!
And everyone laughed!
It was a geometry lesson.
- Who solved the problem? - asked Igor Petrovich.
Vasya Rybin was the first to raise his hand.
“Great, Rybin,” the teacher praised, “Please, come to the board!”
Vasya came to the board and said importantly:
— Consider triangle ABCD!
And everyone laughed!
Why weren't you at school yesterday?
— My older brother got sick.
- What does that have to do with you?
- And I rode his bike!
- Petrov, why are you teaching so poorly? English language?
- What for?
- What do you mean why? After all, half of them speak this language globe!
- And isn’t this enough?
- Petya, if you met old man Hottabych, what wish would you ask him to fulfill?
— I would ask to make London the capital of France.
- Why?
- And yesterday I answered geography and got a bad mark!..
- Well done, Mitya. - says dad. — How did you manage to get an A in zoology?
- They asked me how many legs an ostrich has and I answered - three.
- Wait, but an ostrich has two legs!
- Yes, but all the others answered that there were four!
Petya was invited to visit. They tell him:
- Petya, take another piece of cake.
- Thank you, I have already eaten two pieces.
- Then eat a tangerine.
- Thank you, I have already eaten three tangerines.
“Then take some fruit with you.”
- Thank you, I already took it!
Cheburashka found a penny on the road. He comes to a store where they sell toys. He gives a penny to the saleswoman and says:
- Give me this toy, this one and this one!..
The saleswoman looks at him in surprise.
- Well, what are you waiting for? - says Cheburashka. - Give me the change and I'll go!
Vovochka and her dad are standing near a cage where a lion sits at the zoo.
“Dad,” says Vovochka, “and if a lion accidentally jumps out of the cage and eats you, which bus should I take home?”
“Dad,” asks Vovochka, “why don’t you have a car?”
— There is no money for a car. Don't be lazy, study better, you will become good specialist and buy yourself a car.
- Dad, why were you lazy at school?
“Petya,” asks dad, “why are you limping?”
“I put my foot in the mousetrap and it pinched me.”
- Don't stick your nose where it shouldn't!
- Grandfather, what are you doing with this bottle? Do you want to install a boat in it?
“That’s exactly what I wanted at first.” Now I would be glad to just take my hand out of the bottle!
“Dad,” the daughter turns to her father, “our phone works badly!”
- Why did you decide that?
— Now I was talking to my friend and didn’t understand anything.
—Have you tried talking in turns?
“Mom,” Vovochka asked, “how much toothpaste is in the tube?”
- Don't know.
- And I know: from the sofa to the door!
- Dad, get on the phone! - Petya shouted to his father, who was shaving in front of the mirror.
When dad finished the conversation, Petya asked him:
- Dad, are you good at remembering faces?
- I think I remember. And what?
- The fact is that I accidentally broke your mirror...
— Dad, what is “telefiguration”?
- Don't know. Where did you read this?
- I didn’t read it, I wrote it!
- Natasha, why are you writing a letter to your grandmother so slowly?
- It’s okay: grandma reads slowly too!
- Anya, what have you done! You broke a vase that was two hundred years old!
- What happiness, mom! I thought it was completely new!
- Mom, what is etiquette?
- This is the ability to yawn with your mouth closed...
The art teacher says to Vovochka’s father:
— Your son has exceptional abilities. Yesterday he drew a fly on his desk, and I even knocked my hand away trying to get it away!
- What else is that! Recently he painted a crocodile in the bathroom, and I got so scared that I tried to jump out through the door, which was also painted on the wall.
Little Johnny says to his father:
- Dad, I decided to give you a gift for your birthday!
“The best gift for me,” said dad, “is if you study with straight A’s.”
- It's too late, dad, I already bought you a tie!
A little boy watches his dad at work as he paints the ceiling.
Mom says:
- Watch, Petya, and learn. And when you grow up, you will help your dad.
Petya is surprised:
- What, he won’t finish by then?
The hostess, hiring a new maid, asked her:
- Tell me, my dear, do you like parrots?
- Oh, don't worry, madam, I eat everything!
An auction is taking place in a pet store - talking parrots are on sale. One of the buyers who purchased a parrot asks the seller:
- Does he really speak well?
- Still would! After all, he was the one who kept increasing the price!
- Petya, what will you do if hooligans attack you?
- I’m not afraid of them - I know judo, karate, aikedo and others scary words!
- Hello! Animal defence community? There is a postman sitting on a tree in my yard and calling my poor dog all sorts of bad names!
Three bears return to their hut.
- Who touched my plate and ate my porridge?! - Papa Bear growled.
- Who touched my saucer and ate my porridge?! - the bear cub squeaked.
“Calm down,” said mother bear. - There was no porridge: I didn’t cook it today!
One man caught a cold and decided to treat himself with self-hypnosis. He stood in front of the mirror and began to inspire himself:
- I won’t sneeze, I won’t sneeze, I won’t sneeze... A-a-pchhi!!! This is not me, this is not me, this is not me...
- Mom, why does dad have so little hair on his head?
- The fact is that our dad thinks a lot.
- Then why do you have such voluminous hair?
— Dad, today the teacher told us about an insect that lives only one day. That's great!
— Why “great”?
- Imagine, you can celebrate your birthday all your life!
One fisherman, a teacher by profession, caught a small catfish, admired it, and, throwing it back into the river, said:
- Go home and come back with your parents tomorrow!
A husband and wife came by car to visit. Leaving the car at the house, they tied the dog nearby and told it to guard the car. When they got ready to return home in the evening, they saw that all the wheels of the car had been removed. And there was a note attached to the car: “Don’t scold the dog, she was barking!”
One Englishman walked into a bar with a dog and told the visitors:
- I bet it's mine talking dog Now he will read Hamlet's monologue "To be or not to be!"
Alas, he immediately lost the bet. Because the dog didn't say a single word.
Coming out of the bar, the owner began shouting at the dog:
-Are you completely stupid?! I lost a thousand pounds because of you!
“You’re stupid,” the dog objected. - Don’t you understand that tomorrow in the same bar we can win ten times more!
- Your dog is strange - she sleeps all day long. How can she guard the house?
“It’s very simple: when someone stranger approaches the house, we wake her up and she starts barking.
The wolf is going to eat the hare. Hare says:
- Let's agree. I'll tell you three riddles. If you don't guess them, you'll let me go.
- Agree.
— A pair of black ones, shiny, with laces.
The wolf is silent.
- This is a pair of boots. Now the second riddle: four black, shiny ones, with laces.
The wolf is silent.
— Two pairs of shoes. The third riddle is the most difficult: it lives in a swamp, it is green, it croaks, it starts with “la” and ends with “gushka”.
The wolf shouts joyfully:
— Three pairs of shoes!!!
Hanging on the ceiling the bats. All, as expected, heads down, and one - head up. The mice hanging nearby chatter:
- Why is she hanging upside down?
- And she does yoga!
The crow found a large piece of cheese. Then a fox suddenly jumped out from behind the bushes and slapped the crow on the head. The cheese fell out, the fox immediately grabbed it and ran away.
The stunned crow says with offense:
- Wow, they shortened the fable!
The zoo director, out of breath, comes running to the police station:
- For God's sake, help, our elephant has run away!
“Calm down, citizen,” said the policeman. - We will find your elephant. Name the special signs!
An owl flies and shouts:
- Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!..
Suddenly he hit a pole:
- Wow!
Japanese schoolboy enters brand store for the sale of watches.
— Do you have a reliable alarm clock?
“It couldn’t be more reliable,” the seller answers. “First the siren goes on, then an artillery salvo is heard, and a glass of cold water is poured on your face. If that doesn't work, the alarm clock rings the school and tells you that you have the flu!
Guide: - here is a rare exhibit of our museum - a beautiful statue Greek warrior. Unfortunately, he is missing an arm and a leg, and his head is damaged in some places. The work is called "Winner".
Visitor: - Great! I'd like to see what's left of the vanquished one!
A foreign tourist arriving in Paris turns to a Frenchman:
“I come here for the fifth time, and I see that nothing has changed!”
- What should change? - he asks.
Tourist (points to the Eiffel Tower):
— In the end, did they find oil here or not?
One society lady asked Heine:
— What do you need to do to learn to speak French?
“It’s not difficult,” he answered, “you just need to use French instead of German words.”
In a history lesson in a French school:
—Who was the father of Louis the Sixteenth?
— Louis the Fifteenth.
- Fine. And Charles the Seventh?
— Charles the Sixth.
- And Francis the First? Well, what are you silent?
- Francis... Zero!
During a history lesson, the teacher said:
- Today we will repeat old material. Natasha, ask Semenov a question.
Natasha thought and asked:
- What year was the war of 1812?
And everyone laughed.
The parents had no time, and Parent meeting Grandfather went. He came to bad mood and immediately began to scold his grandson:
- Disgrace! It turns out that your history is full of bad marks! For example, I always got straight A's in this subject!
“Of course,” the grandson answered, “at the time when you were studying, history was much shorter!”
Baba Yaga asks Koshchei the Immortal:
- How did you relax in new year holidays?
“I shot myself a couple of times, drowned myself three times, hanged myself once—in general, I had fun!”
Winnie the Pooh congratulated the donkey on his birthday, and then said:
- Eeyore, you must be many years old?
- Why do you say that?
- Judging by your ears, you've been pulled on them often!
A client enters a photo studio and asks the receptionist:
— I wonder why everyone is laughing in your photographs?
- You should have seen our photographer!
-What are you complaining about? - the doctor asks the patient.
- You know, by the end of the day I just fall from fatigue.
- What do you do in the evenings?
— I play the violin.
- I recommend music lessons stop immediately!
When the patient left, the nurse asked the doctor in surprise:
- Ivan Petrovich, what does music lessons have to do with it?
- Absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s just that this woman lives on the floor above me, and our soundproofing is disgusting!
“Yesterday I pulled a pike weighing twenty kilograms out of an ice hole!”
- Can't be!
- That's it, I thought that no one would believe me, so I let her out back...
The summer resident addresses the owner of the dacha:
— Could you please lower the rent for the room a little?
- What are you talking about? With such a beautiful view birch grove!
- What if I promise you that I won’t look out the window?
The millionaire shows his guest his villa and says:
— And here I’m going to build three pools: one with cold water, the second with warm water, and the third - completely without water.
- Without water? - the guest is surprised. - For what?
— The fact is that some of my friends don’t know how to swim...
At a painting exhibition, one visitor asks another:
— Do you think this picture depicts a sunrise or sunset?
- Of course, sunset.
- Why do you think so?
— I know this artist. He doesn't wake up before noon.
Buyer: - I would like to buy some book.
Seller: - Would you like something light?
Buyer: - It doesn’t matter, I’m driving!
An unknown young man set a world record in the 100-meter race. A journalist interviews him:
- How did you do it? Have you trained a lot in any sports club?
- No, at the shooting range. I work there replacing targets...
“I recently ran two kilometers in one minute at a school competition!”
- You're lying! This is better than a world record!
- Yes, but I know a shortcut!
Cleaning a house with children is like shoveling snow during a snowfall. - Why are you so sad?
- Yes, I almost ruined the child’s matinee...
- How?
- The day before, the teacher called and told all parents to wear masks...
- And what? They are sold in every pharmacy...
- Everyone was so smart! I'm the only one, like a fool: wearing a bunny mask! A kindergarten-age boy fidgets on a bench on a train and desperately swings his legs. Everything betrays his extremely excited indignation: both his clenched little fists and his open ones for tears. big eyes, and impatient short remarks with which he interrupts his older companion. A young woman, obviously the boy’s mother, with expression reads to him a gloomy scene from a fairy tale: “Cipollino, Cipollino, son! - the poor old man called, looking around in confusion, when the soldiers took him away...”
- Enough! - The boy's indignation probably reached its limit.
- Why do they endure?!
“Well, Prince Lemon has a lot of security, an army...” Mom judiciously smooths out the page.
- But there are more others! There are a lot of them! - the boy, in despair, hits the book with his small fist, and it slams shut. - Why are they?!
The mother, slightly frightened by such a violent reaction from her son, is trying to find a calming remark when the man opposite looks up from his newspaper and, looking over his glasses at the revolutionary-minded boy, says loudly and clearly:
- Because they are vegetables. This is a fairy tale about vegetables... No safety considerations prevent life from flourishing. A friend scolds her seven-year-old son:
- Why did you give your mobile phone to someone else’s guy?
- He said that he needed to call.
- You never know - who said what, you were taught...
- But he promised 300 rubles.
- And you believed him?
- Of course, I didn’t know that HE was SUCH A FOOL: he would run away with my phone! A doctor at a clinic checks the hearing of a three-year-old boy. Whisper:
- Candy.
The boy, also in a whisper:
- I can’t - I’m allergic... My daughter comes from school and shows her father the diary.
“Okay,” says the father, “A’s, B’s... So, what is this?”
- Note... The teacher says that I talk incessantly and promises to take action.
The father signs the diary and makes a note:
“If your measures help, please let me know. My wife and I have the same problem.” I am delighted with our teachers. My son was given homework at school, where, among other things, there was the question “how are the letter “A” and a bull connected?”
I told him about the Phoenician alphabet, as the first phonetic writing. That there was a letter "aleph", very similar to our modern "A", and that the word "aleph" meant "bull". That perhaps the letter was named that way because if you unfold it, it looks like the face of a bull with horns. I was also very happy that children in the second grade were being told such things.
The teacher gave the child a bad mark, saying that he fantasized about homework. And the correct answer is: if you add “a” to the word “bull”, you get the genitive case. I didn't plan on this early age tell my son that half of the people around him are idiots, but apparently he will have to. A father and his little son wash themselves in a bathhouse.
“Dad,” the son points with his finger, “does mom have such a thing?”
“No, son,” the father sighs, “mom doesn’t have such a thing, she uses mine.” - Dad, how does a snake hiss?
“Zinaida Petrovna,” dad shouts, turning to his mother-in-law, “say something, my son needs help with his homework.” A first-grader comes home from school. Parents ask:
- Well, what did you do in reading today?
- Pushkin. A tale about a fisherman and a fish.
- And what do you think? What does this fairy tale teach?
- Why, why! And the fact that the irrepressible growth of consumption in modern society will inevitably lead humanity to an environmental and humanitarian disaster! An acquaintance was visiting a relative who had been admitted to the regional cardiology department due to a weak heart. There he heard a funny story from her... Her roommate is teaching her five-year-old granddaughter to read, and trying to instill the concept of word formation, asks her to name words from a certain number of letters. Something like this dialogue takes place between them:
- Helen, please name a four-letter word starting with the letter “M.”
- Mother!
- That's right, my dear. Now name the letter "X" from four letters.
- Bread.
Carried away, the grandmother, compromising herself, asks her granddaughter to name a three-letter word starting with the letter "X":
“Baba, I won’t call him,” the granddaughter lowered her gaze.
A resourceful grandmother, trying to help, tells her granddaughter, naively thinking of the word “Choir”:
- Well, Lenochka, it can be big and it can be small, well? He also sings!
Final scene:
- Baba, he also sings?! 
Parents of children from zero to three years old! Don’t put children in a corner, because it is during this period that their facial features are formed! - Slavik, who do you listen to more: mom or dad?
- Mom.
- Why?
- She says more. A dad in a store cannot buy his son an overly expensive toy. He screams, falls to the floor, and begins to fight in hysterics. People are gathering. The father is terrified - what to do?! Suddenly he sees a sign “Psychologist”. My son by the scruff of the neck, and there he goes. The psychologist politely asks dad to leave for a minute. Exactly a minute later, the son returns, wiping his tears, and asks his father for forgiveness. On the way home, dad is overcome with curiosity - how was the psychologist able to calm the child down so quickly? Finally he can’t stand it anymore and asks his son about it. “Yes, so...” he says, “he promised to tear my ears if I don’t stop...” Letter to the bank:
Dear bank director! Please lower the interest rates on deposits! Mom brings all her free money to you. I've been wanting a bike for a long time!
Seryozha. Summer, heat, full bus. A boy of about 4 years old is sitting on his mother’s lap in the conductor’s seat, next to the driver. Here, from the end of the bus, the loud, heavy voice of the conductor is heard: “Is there anyone else without a ticket?” The boy, without thinking twice: “Yes!” The conductor, a sweaty, huge woman, makes her way through the crowd with difficulty, reaching the boy: “Who else is here without a ticket?” A boy with a frightened finger on the front window: “Fly!” Everyone exploded, except for the blushing mother... Dad and son in the zoo... The son tugs dad by the sleeve:
- Dad, dad - look! Highlighted horse!
Dad sighs tiredly:
- No, son, this is a zebra... This is our mother... a highlighted horse... (History)
Somehow my colleagues and I found ourselves on public lesson to first grade. The teacher placed pictures of animals on the board and said:
- Children! Today we have wild animals in our lesson.
And all the first-graders unanimously turned towards the guests... :) (History)
I'm returning home from work. My nephew (7 years old) is watching “The meeting place cannot be changed” on TV. Just a heartbreaking moment when some evil spirits stole bread cards from Shura, who has many children, and, accordingly, there is nothing to feed the children. Shura is sobbing bitterly, all the neighbors are trying to calm her down. I look - the small fry are also taken by this scene: they frown, there are tears in their eyes.
I ask:
- Do you even understand why this aunt is crying?
Looks at me like I'm stupid:
- Why is there something incomprehensible here? She says that all her cards were stolen! And credit, and salary, and these, what’s their name... Discount!
I thought for a long time... Yes, after all, representatives of the “Pepsi Generation” are significantly different from us... But this is nothing - the main thing is that they do not lose human face: the feeling of compassion is still present! A five-year-old boy visiting his grandparents. Dinner. Grandfather says:
- You, grandson, eat better, when you grow up, you will feed your grandmother and me...
The child, after a thoughtful pause, says:
“Actually, I expected that by that time I would only have my mother left.” Mother and son return from a walk. The baby has a huge bunch of balls in his hands. Seeing this, dad indignantly shouts to his wife:
- Why did you buy him so many balloons?! There’s nowhere to put the money, or what?!
The son happily interrupts:
- Dad, they gave me the balloons for free! One for each mother’s purchase. A son asks his father, who is washing dishes:
- Dad, how many years have you been serving with your mother? I ask the child a well-known riddle: “Now he gets fat, now he loses weight, he screams throughout the house” (the answer is an accordion). A 5-year-old child answers this riddle without hesitation - “Mom”! Recently I was standing in line at a pharmacy. There are several people ahead, including a young mother with a child of 6-7 years old. This child, wanting to demonstrate to everyone his ability to read, begins to read out the names of medicines on the display case. Eventually he comes to the word “condom” and asks: “Mom, what is this?” The whole line freezes in anticipation, how will the mother get out? And she, without any hesitation or embarrassment, gives an answer that is stunning in its truthfulness: “And this is so that your head doesn’t hurt!” Children's wisdom: if mom laughs at dad's jokes, it means there are guests in the house (modern history)
One day, modern first-graders were asked to draw a picture based on Pushkin’s quatrain:
"Blowing up the furry reins,
A daring carriage flies.
The coachman sits on the beam
In a sheepskin coat and a red sash."
The result was...
Well, let's start with the fact that of all the words the most understandable were sheepskin coat and sash.
The wagon turned into a kind aircraft(it's flying!). In addition, some children decided that it was not a kIbitka, but a kUbitka, that is, in the shape of a cube. A flying, daring ki(y) bat explodes the fluffy reins. These are the animals (they are fluffy!), a cross between a beaver and a thrush. The fact that according to the rules then there should have been reins did not bother the children.
Now a coachman. The wearer of the sheepskin coat and sash, according to the children, has nothing to do with the wagon and the outrages it commits. Since he is a Coachman, he must dig holes.
The irradiation turned into serious problem. Sits on the beam. But someone guessed that it was not on the irradiation, but on the cloud, and everything fell into place.
And this is what happened.
The reins - unknown creatures covered with fluffy fur - are running away across the snow-covered field, not remembering themselves from fear. A terrible cubic structure swoops down on them from above, from which grenades and bombs rain down in a hail. From those reins who are less fortunate than the rest, scraps fly in all directions. 3a with all this, dangling his legs from cumulus cloud and ominously playing with a shovel, a chic person in a sheepskin coat and sash is watching... Be sure to give the child to kindergarten, at least for a couple of weeks.
Then you can calmly explain to the guests where he learned these words. The heavy tread of progress...
The daughter of our friends (8 years old), while in the kitchen, draws on her father’s laptop. Having finished, he shouts to his mother in the room: “Mom, look what I drew!”
The mother is busy feeding her son (6 months old) and explains in cultural terms to her daughter that she is not going anywhere. The daughter goes into the room, takes a digital camera... The drawing was nevertheless presented to her mother!
A family of programmers, however... My friend, the other day, lying on the couch, asked his 2-year-old daughter to bring him some water. The child left and returned a couple of minutes later with a mug of water (mother was not at home). Tormented by vague doubts (she couldn’t reach the sink), he didn’t drink right away, and just in case he asked for more, and he followed. The child walked into the kitchen, reached to the table, took another mug, went to the toilet, and scooped up water from the toilet... You can’t complain, the task is completed... A five-year-old child witnessed a major parental quarrel. Afterwards he asks his mother:
- Mom, how many years have you been married?
- Six years, son...
- How long do you have left? - Boy, what do you want to become when you grow up? Probably an astronaut?
- Well, if only as an astronaut-tourist! - Mom, what are brains?
- Oh, go away, don’t pester me with stupid questions...
- Well, mom, tell me, what are brains? Well mom, tell me...
- Yes, please move away! My head is occupied with other things... Getting into the car, my six-year-old son asks his dad:
- How many lives do we have for one trip? My daughter, 5 years old. Lies with me on the sofa, goes to TV"Man and the Law" program.
(D) - Mom, is it true that dad is a man, and you and I are the law, huh?
My son, 7 years old, asks: Mom, when you were little, what kind of TV remote did you have? I answer: son, there were no remote controls then, there were TVs with a switch. After this, the child perked up and asked with interest: Mom, have you seen dinosaurs? My three-year-old son watched a cartoon about Hercules, where in one of the episodes he saw a centaur. After thinking a little, he asked a completely “logical” question:
- Why is the horse stuck in my uncle’s butt? A father checks his little son's notebook:
- Why do you write hooks so unevenly?
- These are not hooks, dad, these are integrals *** Stories *** (history)
Holiday. Parents are busy. Children play on their own and at some point a 5-year-old daughter comes up to her mother with a boy of the same age and asks: “Mom, can we play doctor?” Mom is somewhat confused... followed by: “Okay, just to an ordinary... therapist.” Curvature of the spine, myopia, food poisoning, overwork. Guarantee. School 645. My daughter went to play with a friend who lives on the floor above. I stayed there for an hour, after which they both came to us and went crazy with us for an hour and a half!
P.S. That's how vindictive neighbors can be! It's September, the school year has just begun. The after-school teacher is exhausted and tired (there are about 50 children in grades 1-2 in the class) by the end of the working day. The teacher has a small bronze bell with which she attracts the attention of the children when they are getting too wild. approaches her a little boy 1st grade is only on the third day of school and asks in a plaintive voice:
- Where is my mother?
The teacher calmly:
- I don’t know, boy:
-Can I call her?
The teacher also calmly hands him a bell and says:
- Come on, call, just not for long.
What is my head thinking?
If you think that I study well, you are mistaken. I study no matter. For some reason, everyone thinks that I am capable, but lazy. I don't know if I'm capable or not. But only I know for sure that I am not lazy. I spend three hours working on problems.
For example, now I’m sitting and trying with all my might to solve a problem. But she doesn’t dare. I tell my mother: Mom, I can’t do the problem.
Don’t be lazy, says mom. - Think carefully, and everything will work out. Just think carefully!
She leaves on business. And I take my head with both hands and tell her:
Think, head. Think carefully... “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B...” Head, why don’t you think? Well, head, well, think, please! Well what is it worth to you!
A cloud floats outside the window. It is as light as feathers. There it stopped. No, it floats on.
Head, what are you thinking about?! Aren `t you ashamed!!! “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B...” Lyuska probably left too. She's already walking. If she had approached me first, I would, of course, forgive her. But will she really fit, such a mischief?!
“From point A to point B...” No, it won’t do. On the contrary, when I go out into the yard, she will take Lena’s arm and whisper to her. Then she will say: “Len, come to me, I have something.” They will leave, and then sit on the windowsill and laugh and nibble on seeds.
“Two pedestrians left point A to point B...” What will I do?.. And then I’ll call Kolya, Petka and Pavlik to play lapta. What will she do?.. Yeah, she’ll put on the record “Three Fat Men.” Yes, so loud that Kolya, Petka and Pavlik will hear and run to ask her to let them listen. They've listened to it a hundred times, but it's not enough for them! And then Lyuska will close the window, and they will all listen to the record there.
“From point A to point... to point...” And then I’ll take it and fire something right at her window. Glass - ding! - and will fly apart. Let him know.
So. I'm already tired of thinking. Think, don’t think, the task will not work. Just an awfully difficult task! I'll take a walk a little and start thinking again.
I closed the book and looked out the window. Lyuska was walking alone in the yard. She jumped into hopscotch. I went out into the yard and sat down on a bench. Lyuska didn’t even look at me.
Earring! Vitka! - Lyuska immediately shouted, - Let's go play lapta!
The Karmanov brothers looked out the window.
“We have a throat,” both brothers said hoarsely. - They won't let us in.
Lena! - Lyuska screamed. - Linen! Come out!
Instead of Lena, her grandmother looked out and shook her finger at Lyuska.
Pavlik! - Lyuska screamed.
No one appeared at the window.
Whoops! - Lyuska pressed herself.
Girl, why are you yelling?! - Someone's head poked out of the window. - A sick person is not allowed to rest! There is no peace for you! - And his head stuck back into the window.
Lyuska looked at me furtively and blushed like a lobster. She tugged at her pigtail. Then she took the thread off her sleeve. Then she looked at the tree and said:
Lucy, let's play hopscotch.
Come on, I said.
We jumped into hopscotch and I went home to solve my problem.
As soon as I sat down at the table, my mother came:
Well, how's the problem?
Does not work.
But you’ve been sitting over it for two hours already! This is just terrible! They give the children some puzzles!.. Well, come on, show your problem! Maybe I can do it? After all, I graduated from college... So... “Two pedestrians went from point A to point B...” Wait, wait, this problem is somehow familiar to me!.. Listen, you and your dad solved it last time! I remember perfectly!
How? - I was surprised. - Really?.. Oh, really, this is the forty-fifth task, and we were given the forty-sixth.
At this point my mother became terribly angry.
It's outrageous! - Mom said. - This is unheard of! This mess! Where is your head? What is she thinking about?!
"Greetings from the distant North!"
Let’s highlight prefixes and suffixes in words,” said Vera Evstigneevna. - We will highlight prefixes with wavy lines, and suffixes with straight lines...
I sat and looked at the board. Nearby, Lyuska, looking smart, was writing something in a notebook.
I was bored. Prefixes - suffixes, suffixes - prefixes... A cat meowed outside the window. I wonder why she's meowing? Did they step on her tail, or what?.. Prefixes - suffixes, suffixes - prefixes... Boring!
Take pencils and underline,” said Vera Evstigneevna.
I took a pencil, looked at Lyuska and, instead of underlining, wrote on the blotter:
Hello, dear Lyudmila Ivanovna!
Lyuska carefully highlighted suffixes and prefixes in her notebook. She has nothing to do! I started writing further.
Your former school friend Lyudmila Semyonovna writes to you from afar. Greetings from the distant North!
Lyuska glanced sideways at my blotter and again began highlighting the attachments.
...How are your children Seryozha and Kostya doing? Your Seryozha is very handsome. And your Kostya is very smart and wonderful. I just fell in love with him at first sight! He's so talented, it's terrifying! He writes books for children because he is a writer. And your son Seryozha is a janitor. Because although he is handsome, he is stupid. He studied poorly and was kicked out of the institute.
Lyuska cast a worried glance at my blotter. Apparently she was worried about what I was writing there?
...And your husband Sindibober Filimondrovich is very angry. He is all gray and walks with long beard, and beats you with a stick, and I don’t feel sorry for you at all!
Then I burst out laughing, and Lyuska looked sideways at me with displeasure again.
...And you yourself are already an old lady. You're fat as a barrel and thin as a skeleton, and you're missing one tooth in front.
Then I started choking with laughter. Lyuska looked at me with hatred.
...But everything is still the same with us. We live far from you, and we don’t miss you, and we don’t notice any prefixes or suffixes. This is all rubbish and nonsense, and we don’t ever want to teach this!
So-o-o... - I suddenly heard behind me and went cold.
Next to me, out of nowhere, the figure of Vera Evstigneevna grew up!
I quickly covered the blotter with my hands.
Soooo. The whole class is studying, and Sinitsyna, as always, is passionate about other things. Give me what you write here! Faster Faster!
I had already managed to crumple up the blotter, but Vera Evstigneevna’s hand imperiously extended... Vera Evstigneevna took the blotter out of my sweaty palm and unfolded it.
I wonder what we do in class?
The teacher smoothed out the blotter and, slightly throwing her head back, began to read:
- “Hello, dear, dear Lyudmila Ivanovna!..”
The class became wary.
By the way, a comma is placed before the address,” Vera Evstigneevna said in an icy voice. - “...Your former school friend Lyudmila Semyonovna writes to you from afar...”
The class chuckled quietly.
- "Greetings from the distant North!" - Vera Evstigneevna said with a calm face.
The class laughed. I didn't know where to fall. And Vera Evstigneevna read loudly and clearly:
- “How are your children Seryozha and Kostya? Your Seryozha is very handsome. And your Kostya...”
Something unimaginable was happening to the class.
- "...and he was expelled from the institute. And your husband Si... Cindy..." How? There is something unclear here...
“Cindybobber,” I said quietly. Something terrible was happening to my ears. They made my whole head feel hot and unpleasant.
Whaaaaaay?!
The class froze for a second.
“Cindybobber,” I repeated. - Sindibober Filimondrovich...
And then the class seemed to explode. Everyone burst into laughter full voice. How crazy!
Valka Dlinnokhvostova, who was sitting to my left, all red as a lobster, squealed thinly and shrilly. Ivanov, his eyes bulging and his mouth open, rolled on the sled. And fat Burakov fell right off his desk laughing like a sack.
Only Vera Evstigneevna did not laugh.
Get up, Burakov! - she ordered. - I do not see anything funny! And in general, stop the noise in the classroom!
Burakov immediately jumped up. The laughter stopped, as if on command. In complete silence, the teacher finished reading my blotter.
“Well,” said the teacher. - Now everything is clear to me. I always suspected, Sinitsyna, that for you the prefixes and suffixes are “dirty and nonsense.” And not just prefixes and suffixes!
The class became wary again. Sima Korostyleva listened with her mouth open to every word of Vera Evstigneevna and looked from me to her and back.
It turns out that I was right... Well... Since this is so, since studying for you, in your own words, is “dirty and nonsense,” we will have to treat you like Seryozha, who was expelled from the institute for poor performance, and release you from school!
A general sigh, similar to a sigh of horror, swept through the class. Things were getting serious...
Yes, Sinitsyna, I made a mistake. I thought that you began to study worse because it was difficult for you, because you were sick and missed a lot, but what turns out to be?.. It turns out that you simply “don’t want to learn this ever”! Stand up when the teacher talks to you!
I stood in front of Vera Evstigneevna. Tears fell from my eyes and quietly hit the dark lid of my desk.
Why are you silent? And why are you crying? - said Vera Evstigneevna. - If you don’t want to study, take your briefcase and leave. At least you won’t distract those who want to study from their studies. In particular, your friend, with whom you could follow an example! You are free. Go, Sinitsyna.
There was deathly silence in the class. Such that I could clearly hear the sound of my tears hitting the wet desk.
Vera Evstigneevna, I won’t do it again,” I whispered. -Can I stay?
No,” Vera Evstigneevna said firmly. - Tell your parents to come to school tomorrow.
And you don't have to come.
I was collecting my briefcase. My hands were shaking. Lyuska looked at me with her eyes wide in horror.
You can keep this for yourself,” said Vera Evstigneevna.
I put the ill-fated blotter in my briefcase and slowly trudged towards the door.
Everyone followed me with their eyes. Everyone sat and was silent.
They will never see me again.
I can imagine how happy they are: “That’s not enough for her! Serves her right!”
Everyone, everyone is happy. Nobody cares about me. Not Ivanov! Not Longtail! Not Lyuska! Not even Kolya Lykov!
There they all sit and are silent. And tomorrow they won’t even remember me! They won't even remember!
I grabbed the door handle and slowly pulled it towards me...
And suddenly, behind me, in complete silence, the desk lid slammed, and Kolya Lykov jumped up from his seat. His face was red.
Vera Evstigneevna! - he shouted, stuttering. - Please allow Sinitsina to stay! She won't write b-b-more in letters class! H-h-honestly, it won’t!
Vera Evstigneevna, she really won’t be there anymore! - a squeaky voice was heard from the last desk, and I saw the skinny figure of Irka Mukhina, a terrible mischief and imaginary, hanging over the desk in the far corner of the class. - She didn’t do it on purpose! She wrote this out of stupidity, Vera Evstigneevna!
Of course, out of stupidity! - Sima Korostyleva picked up. - Vera Evstigneevna, out of stupidity! Honestly!
Yes, she is a fool, what can I say! - Ivanov shouted. - Just don’t kick her out! Even though she’s a fool, don’t!
No need! No need! - everyone shouted. - No need to kick her out!
I stood near the door. I didn't know what to do. They shouted from all sides. They didn't want me to get kicked out! And my Lyuska, my harmful Lyuska, screamed louder than anyone:
Vera Evstigneevna, she won’t be there anymore! Forgive her please! Forgive her! Sorry!
Vera Evstigneevna looked at the class with some surprise. She looked from Ivanov to Dlinnokhvostova, from Dlinnokhvostova to Korostyleva, from Korostyleva to Kolya Lykov, and a strange expression appeared on her face. It was as if she wanted to smile, but she was holding back with all her might, and made a stern face, and frowned her eyebrows...
That's it! - she said slowly. - So you don’t want me to kick Sinitsina out?
We do not want! We do not want! - everyone shouted. And even the lazy Wu uncleaned his thick lips and said in a deep voice:
We do not want!
Well, what about Sinitsina’s reluctance to study?
She was joking! It's just her!
"Just"? - Vera Evstigneevna frowned.
And then Kolya Lykov stepped forward again.
“Vera Evstigneevna,” he said, “Sinitsyna really isn’t doing well at school.” But I promise you, as a leader, I will do everything so that she begins to study well!
Oh, so?.. Do you promise this, Kolya?..
Vera Evstigneevna thought for a second.
Well... If you promise me this... And then, I cannot help but take into account the opinion of the class. Okay, Sinitsyna. Take your seat. But look, Kostya Lykov vouched for you. Don't let your friend down!
And I went back.
I listened to the teacher throughout the lesson. I didn’t take my eyes off her directly. I emphasized the prefixes and suffixes so much that I almost pressed them through the notebook.
And then the bell rang.
Vera Evstigneevna collected her notebooks, took the class magazine and went to the teacher's room.
And then the whole class surrounded me with a dense wall.
Well, Sinitsyna, you gave it! - said Ivanov, - What do you say about Kostya?
“Your Kostya is smart and wonderful,” said Sima Korostyleva.
“And I fell in love with him,” Valka Dlinnokhvostova giggled. - Oh, I can’t! I can not!
What about Seryozha the janitor? He was kicked out of the institute, right? Great! Lyuska, where did you get all this from? Did you read it in a book?
And this one... what's his name... Sindibober Filimondrovich? Angry, with a gray beard, fighting with a stick... Oh, I can’t! Hilarious!
And what about Kositsyna? About Kositsyna! That she is thin, like a skeleton, and she has no tooth in front! Lyuska, come on, open your mouth!
How stupid! - said Lyuska. - And there’s nothing funny. Called me too, my friend! Yes, she may be missing two teeth. This does not mean that I have to report this to the whole class!
"How ships are seen off..."
It was morning. It was Sunday. Kolya and I were sitting on a tree. On a large spreading branch. We ate bread and jam and dangled our legs. Thick white clouds swam importantly above us, and the sun was shining with all its might, and the top of my head became hot, like a stove,
Kohl, let's climb trees every day! We'll climb in the morning and climb down in the evening. And we will have lunch on the tree, and study lessons, but we will not go to school.
Let's. I love heights. I will definitely become a pilot when I grow up.
Kohl, who should I become?
An artist. You sing great.
Really, Kohl?! Honestly, am I whining well?
I like. Yesterday you sang “How Steamships See Off” in the yard, and I sat at home and listened. I even turned off the radio.
Do you want me to sing now?
And I sang:
How the ships are seen off,
I tried really hard. I glanced furtively at Kolya. Kolya had a thoughtful and serious face. He looked into the distance. Maybe he was thinking about becoming a pilot when he grew up.
Water, water, -
There is water all around...
And suddenly I heard:
Hey Lyuska, where are you?
Pavlik Ivanov stood under the tree.
Kolya and I froze. Just expect trouble from this Ivanov! After all, he will tell everyone that we climbed a tree. And then we will get it from our parents! And in the yard they will tease “the bride and groom”...
Ivanov walked around the sandbox and looked around.
Lyuska! - he yelled. - Come out! I found you! You're sitting in the basement!
At this time my Lyuska came out of the entrance.
Why did you decide that I was sitting in the basement? - Lyuska was surprised.
Not you! - said Pavlik Ivanov. - Sinitsyna hid somewhere here and is singing from there. Let's look for her?
Here's another! - said Lyuska, - she will find herself... And then, can she really sing? Squeaks like a chicken. It's disgusting to listen to!
It’s still strange,” said Pavlik. - Where is she? I heard her voice somewhere nearby.
It was such a lie that I almost fell out of the tree.
Calmly! - said Kolya. - Don't worry, otherwise they will see us.
And in general she has no hearing,” said Lyuska. “You can’t even imagine how exhausted I was with her while I taught her to sing “How the Steamships See Off.”
Don’t lie, Lyuska,” I couldn’t stand it. - What a shame to lie!
Yeah! - said Pavlik. - She's definitely here somewhere!
Lyuska turned her head in all directions.
Well, I was joking, and you already believed it,” she said in a loud voice. - “How to see off steamships” - she taught me that. And "Lada" and "Russian Field". But I taught her to sing Lensky’s aria. And Lensky's aria is a hundred times more interesting to sing than " Russian field"! And let him not imagine that he sings better than anyone else. Just think, a singer has been found!
She stretched.
“Sergei Fedorovich arrived yesterday,” she said still loudly. - He brought me such a watermelon! And such pears! And today we are going to the ballet “Doctor Aibolit”. I'll put mine on now blue dress, I’ll put on new shoes - red, with holes - and let’s go.
And she left. They called Pavlik, and he also left. Kolya and I climbed down from the tree.
Everything went well. Nobody saw us. Nobody scolded. I barely even got scratched. The sun was shining just as brightly. The clouds were just as white. And it was warm. And it was still morning. And it was Sunday. But my mood was ruined.
“She went to watch Doctor Aibolit,” I said. And I’ve been dreaming about “Doctor Aibolit” for so long!
“Lucy,” said Kolya, “you haven’t finished yet.” Sing on, eh!
And she has new shoes...
I looked at my cracked sandals.
Lyus, please sing.
And they brought her a watermelon. Still unfair. Why is everything to her?
And pears,” I said. And I wanted to cry.
Then Kolya looked at me strangely.
“Okay, I’ll go,” Kolya suddenly said. - Please forgive me. My mother is waiting for me.
He turned and walked away.
He didn't stop. He walked towards the entrance. Well, let! He thinks about himself a lot! What did I say? Well?
Kolya left. I knew why he was leaving. Kolya’s back flashed on the second floor landing. I knew, I knew why he was leaving!
Wait! - I shouted and ran to catch up with him.
I only caught up with him on the third floor.
Kohl! - I muttered, - Wait! Well, wait, please! I... I want to ask you a riddle. You know how mysteriously great! You'll never guess. True true! Listen... A and B were sitting on the pipe. A fell, B disappeared, who remained on the pipe?
“I know this riddle,” Kolya said gloomily.
Kohl,” I said. - Don’t think!.. Don’t think... Honestly, I’m not like that! I really don’t know what came over me! Just think - shoes! Yes, I have new shoes! And watermelon is nonsense! My dad can bring as many watermelons as you want... And pears...
We went down the stairs and went out into the courtyard.
“But you still sing,” said Kolya. - You haven’t finished yet.
And I sang:
How the ships are seen off,
Not at all like trains...
Lyuska stood in the window in her new dress. She was eating a pear.
Spring rain
I didn't want to study lessons yesterday. It was so sunny outside! Such a warm yellow sun! Such branches swayed outside the window].. I wanted to stretch out my hand and touch every sticky green leaf. Oh, how your hands will smell! And your fingers will stick together - you won’t be able to separate them from each other... No, I didn’t want to learn my lessons.
I went outside. The sky above me was fast. Clouds were hurrying along it somewhere, and sparrows were chirping terribly loudly in the trees, and a big fluffy cat was warming itself on a bench, and it was so good that it was spring!
I walked in the yard until the evening, and in the evening mom and dad went to the theater, and I, without having done my homework, went to bed.
The morning was dark, so dark that I didn’t want to get up at all. It's always like this. If it's sunny, I jump up immediately. I get dressed quickly. And the coffee is delicious, and mom doesn’t grumble, and dad jokes. And when the morning is like today, I can barely get dressed, my mother urges me on and gets angry. And when I have breakfast, dad makes comments to me that I’m sitting crookedly at the table.
On the way to school, I remembered that I had not done a single lesson, and this made me feel even worse. Without looking at Lyuska, I sat down at my desk and took out my textbooks.
Vera Evstigneevna entered. The lesson has begun. They'll call me now.
Sinitsyna, to the blackboard!
I shuddered. Why should I go to the board?
“I didn’t learn,” I said.
Vera Evstigneevna was surprised and gave me a bad mark.
Why am I having such a bad life in the world? I'd rather take it and die. Then Vera Evstigneevna will regret that she gave me a bad mark. And mom and dad will cry and tell everyone:
“Oh, why did we go to the theater ourselves, and leave her all alone!”
Suddenly they pushed me in the back. I turned around. A note was thrust into my hands. I unfolded the long narrow paper ribbon and read:
Don't despair!!!
A deuce is nothing!!!
You will correct the deuce!
I will help you!
Let's be friends with you!
Only this is a secret!
Not a word to anyone!!!
Yalo-Kvo-Kyl.
It was as if something warm was poured into me immediately. I was so happy that I even laughed. Lyuska looked at me, then at the note and proudly turned away.
Did someone really write this to me? Or maybe this note is not for me? Maybe she is Lyuska? But on back side stood: LUSYA SINITSYNA.
What a wonderful note! I have never received such wonderful notes in my life! Well, of course, a deuce is nothing! What are you talking about! I can easily fix the two!
I re-read it twenty times:
"Let's be friends with you..."
Well, of course! Of course, let's be friends! Let's be friends with you!! Please! I am very happy! I really love it when people want to be friends with me!
But who writes this? Some kind of YALO-KVO-KYL. Confused word. I wonder what it means? And why does this YALO-KVO-KYL want to be friends with me?.. Maybe I’m beautiful after all?
I looked at the desk. There was nothing beautiful.
He probably wanted to be friends with me because I’m good. So, am I bad, or what? Of course it's good! After all, with bad person no one wants to be friends!
To celebrate, I nudged Lyuska with my elbow.
Lucy, but one person wants to be friends with me!
Who? - Lyuska asked immediately.
I don't know. The writing here is somehow unclear.
Show me, I'll figure it out.
Honestly, won't you tell anyone?
Honestly!
Lyuska read the note and pursed her lips:
Some fool wrote it! I couldn't say my real name.
Or maybe he's shy?
I looked around the whole class. Who could have written the note? Well, who?.. It would be nice, Kolya Lykov! He is the smartest in our class. Everyone wants to be his friend. But I have so many C’s! No, he probably won't.
Or maybe Yurka Seliverstov wrote this?.. No, he and I are already friends. He would send me a note out of the blue!
During recess I went out into the corridor. I stood by the window and began to wait. It would be nice if this YALO-KVO-KYL made friends with me right now!
Pavlik Ivanov came out of the class and immediately walked towards me.
So, that means Pavlik wrote this? Only this was not enough!
Pavlik ran up to me and said:
Sinitsyna, give me ten kopecks.
I gave him ten kopecks so that he would get rid of it as soon as possible. Pavlik immediately ran to the buffet, and I stayed by the window. But no one else came.
Suddenly Burakov began walking past me. It seemed to me that he was looking at me strangely. He stopped nearby and began to look out the window. So, that means Burakov wrote the note?! Then I'd better leave right away. I can't stand this Burakov!
The weather is terrible,” Burakov said.
Terrible weather,” I said.
Then Burakov took an apple out of his pocket and bit off half with a crunch.
Burakov, let me take a bite,” I couldn’t resist.
“But it’s bitter,” Burakov said and walked down the corridor.
No, he didn't write the note. And thank God! You won’t find another greedy person like him in the whole world!
I looked after him contemptuously and went to class.
I walked in and was stunned. On the board it was written in huge letters:
SECRET!!! YALO-KVO-KYL + SINITSYNA = LOVE!!! NOT A WORD TO ANYONE!
Lyuska was whispering with the girls in the corner. When I walked in, they all stared at me and started giggling.
I grabbed a rag and rushed to wipe the board.
Then Pavlik Ivanov jumped up to me and whispered in my ear:
I wrote this note to you.
You're lying, not you!
Then Pavlik laughed like a fool and yelled at the whole class:
Oh, it's hilarious! Why be friends with you?! All covered in freckles, like a cuttlefish! Stupid tit!
And then, before I had time to look back, Yurka Seliverstov jumped up to him and hit this idiot right in the head with a wet rag. Pavlik howled:
Ah well! I'll tell everyone! I’ll tell everyone, everyone, everyone about her, how she receives notes! And I’ll tell everyone about you! It was you who sent her the note! - And he ran out of the class with a stupid cry: - Yalo-kvo-kyl!
The lessons are over. Nobody ever approached me. Everyone quickly collected their textbooks, and the classroom was empty. Kolya Lykov and I were left alone. Kolya still couldn’t tie his shoelace.
The door creaked. Yurka Seliverstov stuck his head into the classroom, looked at me, then at Kolya and, without saying anything, left.
But what if? What if Kolya wrote this after all? Is it really Kolya? What happiness if Kolya! My throat immediately went dry.
If, please tell me,” I barely squeezed out, “it’s not you, by chance...
I didn’t finish because I suddenly saw Kolya’s ears and neck turn red.
Oh you! - Kolya said without looking at me. - I thought you... And you...
Kolya! - I screamed. - Well, I...
You’re a chatterbox, that’s who,” said Kolya. -Your tongue is like a broom. And I don't want to be friends with you anymore. What else was missing!
Kolya finally managed to pull the lace, stood up and left the classroom. And I sat down in my place.
I'm not going anywhere. It's raining so badly outside the window. And my fate is so bad, so bad that it can’t get any worse! So I’ll sit here until nightfall. And I will sit at night. Alone in a dark classroom, alone in the whole dark school. That's what I need.
Mikhail Zoshchenko, Lev Kassil and others - The Enchanted Letter
Aunt Nyura came in with a bucket.
“Go home, honey,” said Aunt Nyura. - At home, my mother was tired of waiting.
No one was waiting for me at home, Aunt Nyura,” I said and trudged out of class.
My bad fate! Lyuska is no longer my friend. Vera Evstigneevna gave me a bad grade. Kolya Lykov... I didn’t even want to remember about Kolya Lykov.
I slowly put on my coat in the locker room and, barely dragging my feet, went out into the street.
It was wonderful, the best spring rain in the world!
Funny, wet passers-by were running down the street with their collars raised!
And on the porch, right in the rain, stood Kolya Lykov.
Let's go, he said.
And off we went.
...................................................
Copyright: Irina Pivovarova
