The problem of hypocrisy, duplicity (based on the text from the story by A. P

The selection includes quotes about guys and real men:

• The question isn't whether you should date this guy or not. The question is what to do with the rest???
• Smart men by no means avoid the company of fools, but how often have you seen smart woman next to a stupid guy? Jong Erica
• All men are weak, and gentlemen are the weakest. Margaret Thatcher
• The girl wants to first go to restaurants to understand whether she should go to bed with a guy. And the guy wants to get the girl into bed as soon as possible in order to understand whether it’s worth taking her to restaurants?

• It’s so cool to hear from your beloved guy: I’m so glad we met! You are exactly what I need!
• The most uncouth guy is Pinocchio! A.V. Ivanov
• If a woman shows character, they say about her: “Harmful woman.” If a man shows character, they say about him: “He good guy" Margaret Thatcher
• A very cultured guy wrote at his ex’s entrance: “Lena is fickle.”
• There are guys like Lamborghini, that is, pretentious and spectacular, but you are afraid that they will steal it, and there are guys like Zhiguli - not pretentious and not spectacular, but you leave it where you want.
• He was a promising guy who sometimes kept his promises. Anatoly Rakhmatov
• 
  A journalist is a guy who finds out things that people don't know and brings it to the attention of those who don't care. Walter Winchell
• Not every nail guy is always a hammer. Leonid S. Sukhorukov
• Seeing an attractive guy, girls begin to fussily make eyes out of scrap materials. Yuri Tatarkin
• A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman's birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman’s birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband. Faina Ranevskaya
• My boyfriend is like the end of the world - everyone talks about him, but he’s not here and never will be...
• At work, as with a guy, you can’t show that you can give yourself completely to this. In the first case there will be a lot of work, in the second - nothing.
• 
  The man is loudly indignant at the woman who stopped loving him, and is quickly consoled. A woman does not express her feelings so violently when she is abandoned, but remains inconsolable for a long time. Jean La Bruyère
• Men love to perform strong-willed actions, the consequences of which fall on the shoulders of women. Wilhelm Schwebel
• A man knows a woman, and a woman knows herself. Mikhail Rom
• A man of great merit and intelligence is never ugly. Jean La Bruyère
• A man who allows himself to be pushed around by a woman is neither a man nor a woman, but simply nothing. Napoleon I Bonaparte
• A man is one who closes his lips and rolls up his sleeves. Persian proverb
• A man should dress so that nothing distracts attention from his face. But for this you need to acquire this face, develop it. Leonid Desyatnikov

• Men look like April when they are courting, and December when they are already married. William Shakespeare
• Men are divided into two categories: some run after their skirts, others hold on to them. Ashot Nadanyan
• A man, in comparison with a woman, is better than her by nature, and a woman is worse than him, therefore he rules over her, and she obeys him. Aristotle
• The guy looks at his beloved in a special way. He’s like a boy on his birthday, he still can’t get enough of his gift...
• I need a grown guy, not a little boy, who pretends to be someone I don’t understand!
• A real man consists of a husband and a rank. Anton Chekhov

Sometimes we misperceive the people around us and try our best to take care of them, although we do not receive the same in return. There are times when we see traits that are not actually present in people, or we hope for more than they can give us. Life is a series of moments and incidents, mistakes, trials and failures.

Every time we get new experience or we underestimate other people and their actions, we learn a lesson from this situation. But sometimes it is very difficult to understand what is happening when you are in this situation. Of course, we can try to look for signs, but sometimes it is quite difficult. So try to pay attention to patterns of behavior and identify people who may not be as good as they appear to be. There will always be hypocrites in our lives, but you should try to get rid of them.

They want to seem caring, but...

Soon their personal interests emerge, and it becomes quite obvious what exactly such people want. Hypocrites are not your friends. They pursue their own goals and are not interested in you as a person. These “friends” show interest in you only to gain your trust, and then identify their own needs, wanting something specific from you.

Be careful with such people, but trust your intuition! Some people only have their own agenda, but that doesn't mean you can't be open to making new friends. You may trust the wrong people from time to time. But that speaks poorly of them, not of you. Just stop this communication as quickly as possible when it becomes obvious that they are not truly interested in you.

They seem defenseless, but...

Hypocrites always want your sympathy and compassion, and thus manipulate you. And before you know it, they will ask you to sacrifice your needs to help them. These people know how to take away, but give nothing in return. They may offer you some semblance of friendship, but it will not be genuine. You should be wary that such people will not accept your advice. Initially, they will seem very appreciative of what you have to say, but you will soon realize that hypocrites keep repeating the same negative behavior patterns. And they will want you to do it with them.

They keep saying what's good for you even though...

You have already told them many times that you know what is good and what is bad for you. But they don't really care about what you need or want. They would like to have control because they believe that doing so will make them feel better. They may say they are listening to you when in fact they are not. This is a fast track to a bad relationship. No one knows better than you what you really need. Friends are there to support and discuss your options, not to decide what's best for you.

They seem interested in you, but...

They are only around from time to time, and only when they need it. Other times you may never find them. In other words, they are the ones who choose when to see or communicate with you, and you have no control over what happens. When you think rationally about this type of friendship, you will realize that this is not the kind of person who will care about you. He doesn't need to be in this situation. Most likely, he will even feel bad in it.
And true friends should always make you feel better, not worse. It's really very simple. So get rid of the haters and surround yourself with friends who make you smile. This may be quite difficult to do. But when you do, hold on to them tighter. Such people will remain your friends for life.

What is hypocrisy really? And how does hypocrisy relate to social masks? In different communities and with different people we inevitably behave differently. I recently had a discussion on this topic, the summary of which I will outline below

Whatever definitions of hypocrisy we take, in essence, they boil down to the following: hypocrisy is behavior when a person performs actions, utters words and, sometimes, even thinks in such a way as to appear before the people around him (and himself) not what he really is. Essentially, a person puts on a social mask so as not to stand out from environment and be like everyone else, be consistent with the standards of the group.

Here it is important to clearly understand how social masks differ from social roles. Social role depends on the status and type of activity of a person. To some extent, they are objective (a relative, a salesperson in a store) and, unlike masks, are not associated with betrayal of one’s life values. But more on that below.

Reasons for hypocrisy.

A person who puts on a social mask, or in other words, is a hypocrite, can do this for several reasons.

1. The first reason for hypocrisy is fear. to be different from everyone else. If it’s common to get drunk in a party (watch horror movies, root for a team, beat someone, or in a certain way evaluate reality), then out of fear of being a stranger to a group that, for some objective (nowhere to go) or subjective (a person feels protected in the group) reasons, is valuable to the hypocrite.
2. The second reason for hypocrisy is the desire to appear respectable. in the eyes of the group members. At the same time, for some reason, it is group values, and not universal human values, that are taken as the criteria for “respect.”
3. A third option is possible when a person does not have clear, formed life values, so he himself doesn’t even know where he is real, and where he put on a social mask and fell into hypocrisy.

Why is hypocrisy dangerous?

If, as stated earlier, social roles- these are objective rights and obligations, then hypocrisy is a person’s personal choice between the real and the false. One way or another, each of us has our own answer to the question of what is the meaning of life. At least there is some. We have our own understanding of good and bad, good and evil. Some life guidelines and values.

If we have these clear and formulated values, it means that we live consciously and painfully, for the years we have lived aimlessly, we will not have it (well, unless suddenly, only at the deepest level, we do not rethink our ideals, but that’s different)

When we put on a social mask, we actually betray our values, betray ourselves for the sake of momentary gain. After all, when we see some kind of evil that our group broadcasts, we say, turning on the hypocrisy, that this is not evil, but good. And, in order not to be disgusting to ourselves, we are hypocrites even to ourselves, trying to deceive ourselves.

Hypocrisy in a good way.

The opposite situation is also possible, you object. When a person gets into a campaign that is much better than him, and the values ​​of such a group elevate that person. If he accepts them sincerely, as his own, then yes, and there is no hypocrisy here. But if he doesn’t really share the group’s values, he will try to “appear kind while being evil.” The dissonance between what he does (after all good deeds require a lot of effort), and the fact that he thinks will increase and for his psyche it will be completely unhelpful.

How to avoid hypocrisy.

The most important thing is to comprehend your values ​​and life axioms. Or, in other words, realize what is the core of your worldview. You need to clearly define what is most important and important in life.

Next, clearly control your actions and compare them with your chosen values.

Let's take this extreme example. Let's say you find yourself in a company of people who decided to beat someone bad (to deceive or plunder something). Suppose that, based on your worldview, it is unacceptable for you to participate in the proposed activity. You have three options:

1. Include hypocrisy that this act does not contradict anything, and in general, the one we are going to beat is a goat. And take part equally with everyone.
2. Refuse to participate in this matter, either by evading or directly explaining that you do not agree with this idea.
3. Openly oppose this action.

Depending on how strong the fear or dependence on the group (or its loss) is, the right decision will be either very difficult or simple to make. At the same time, the expression of refusal to participate in this matter will depend not only on the degree of fear or fearlessness, but also on the degree of adequacy of the group members. In other words, if there is one hundred percent certainty that you will not be understood, there is no point in proving anything. True, in this case, having something in common with this group is also inappropriate, since in common affairs with such people hypocrisy is inevitable.

In fact, most of your friends will quite adequately perceive that you have own point vision and principles. Momentary hypocrisy is a sign of weakness. Your own well-founded position is a sign of strength. Therefore, if you don’t want to drink a lot (or don’t want to drink at all) in some campaign, just calmly explain that you don’t want to for personal reasons, and not because the campaign is bad. And, if people understand that you yourself have no complaints against them that they drink, there will be no problems with communication.

Thus, it can be said that this is hypocrisy bad habit , which prevents us from being real and sincere people. A habit that manipulates us through false fear and thirst for fame. By giving up hypocrisy, we will face many small inconveniences, but in return we will receive something much greater.

PS: Not responding with rudeness, for example, to a client who is being stupid and annoyed you is not hypocrisy, but a manifestation of restraint. It is hypocritical to tell him that he is a pleasure to work with.

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Date: 2013-10-30