Statuses, humorous phrases, cool. Statuses with humor
Presented in this category are super funny quotes will help you master your own inner sense of humor and then correctly present a witty joke in reality, it will be much easier for you. You have come to the page of comedy and wordplay - stock up on the sharpest jokes, tinged with light irony with a pinch of satire and generously seasoned with fresh jokes.
Cheer up yourself and your friends with good portions of funny statuses! Humor is positive emotions. If you know how to enjoy life, enjoy every moment you live, and a sense of humor is your constant companion in life, Everyday life, then share interesting jokes and a charge of positive emotions with your friends, make everyone laugh social network, our statuses are a great opportunity to cheer everyone up and have a good laugh yourself! Original funny quotes, phrases, aphorisms can also be found in the status category.
Funny? Funny? You cannot resist the delight and jubilation that rages in your soul. Then don’t restrain yourself - your status is your mood and with the help of it you can easily share your joy with others! It is probably impossible to overestimate the benefits of laughter and positive emotions, because we all know the familiar phrase “laughter prolongs life”! Just think about how powerful a status can be if it is not just a banal statement or primitive, flat humor, but an original, witty quote. Let a wave of positivity cover all your friends, and let the raging sea of laughter and joy never calm down!
If you are bored and sad, then remember that the best cure for loneliness and melancholy is fun! Good joke can be the beginning of a fun and pleasant conversation. Having interested the visitors of your page with a cool funny status, you will definitely find like-minded people and, together with the same cheerful friends, you will easily tune in to the positive. If the current state of your soul does not want fun, and your mood, to put it mildly, is not the best, then quickly call your friends for help! How? Of course status!!! Or rather, status from the category! Your friends will immediately understand that you urgently need to be rescued from the blues!
Down with sadness and melancholy - we present to you new breathtaking pearls of wit that instantly improve your mood and energize positive emotions all day!
The coolest aphorisms, very funny quotes and the latest humorous sayings read now! Have a stock of cool ones funny phrases for all occasions, everyone needs it!
Laugh healthy with! And let the whole world laugh with you!
No matter how much bad things they say about me, I always have something to add. 100
Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 81
Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 72
Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 198 - cool statuses
Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 21
Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 30
If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 48
I'm going with eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards future happiness, through a field of rakes... 98
From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 31
Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 42
I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 39
The best way to test a guy’s fidelity is to ask the sleeping person in the morning the question: “Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?” 67
According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 65
Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 54
You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 62
Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 48
If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 41
Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 46
All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 69
What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 20
If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46
Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 65
I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 44
The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the movie, but I was sweating a lot. 31
The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 61
Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 40
The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 47
The great one protects me ancient egyptian god peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 75
Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 61
No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 34
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I have only two shortcomings - laziness and a sense of humor. One constantly prevents me from living, and the second does not allow me to die.
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But has anyone ever thought about how many liters of beer a small phrase contains: MAYBE A BOTTLE???
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I was telling fortunes for Christmas. She burned a Christmas tree, flooded her neighbors, hit some guy with a felt boot... The ambulance, firefighters and police arrived immediately. Now I sit and think - which of them is the betrothed!!!
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Well... my husband told me this morning: - Hey, beauty, save the world... go get a beer!)))
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- Grandpa, what’s in your shorts?
- The end of love and two bags of memories.
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When I... jokingly set the status:... “What an unbearable infection I am!”... All my... hidden “exes”... couldn’t stand it... and put it “class”... Ha!... Remember, bastards... Nice!!!
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Herring with potatoes is the best sushi! Take a boiled potato, wrap it with a real piece of herring... Serve with regular uncolored horseradish (instead of wasabi), sunflower oil(instead of soy sauce), and sauerkraut(instead of ginger):))
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Lord, give me what I need, not what I want!
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You empty out the drawer with your husband’s socks: first you remove all the dirty ones, then all the unpaired ones, then all the ones with holes, if there is nothing left, everything is correct - the solitaire has worked out!!!
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There are people in whom God lives, there are people in whom the devil lives, and there are people in whom only worms live.
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When climbing the tree of life, try to avoid branches and avoid reacting to woodpeckers.
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Animals, which are few in number, are included in the Red Book, and those that are numerous are included in the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food.
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IN past life I was definitely a bee... only the sting remained as proof.
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Our medicine is the strongest!
What they treat for is what they die for.
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First he hanged himself, then he poisoned himself, and finally he cut his veins... In short, Koschey the Immortal had as much fun as he could that day.
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Happiness cannot be put off “for later”! There is now? Take it and don't think about it!!!
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Do you want to crush my dream? Get over it. I have it unbreakable, shockproof and frost resistant!!!
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He was so unlucky that even in peach-scented toilet paper he came across seeds.
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A person always believes in miracles, especially when he presses the balance request button on an ATM!
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It's hard for me to work when there is no boss. I don’t even go smoking, I’m afraid I’ll go home.
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One more beep in my direction and your teeth will begin to move.
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“Your wife’s nervous illness is not dangerous. People live with such neurosis for a very long time.
- And I, doctor, how long can I last?
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Grief from intelligence is much easier to bear than joy from stupidity.
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I've been laughing at my husband for two days. He has been walking for two days, waiting for the football game, worrying, worrying. And in the end: he eats chips during the anthem and falls asleep at the sixth minute.
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A hen runs from a rooster and thinks: “Am I running too fast?”
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She: That's it, I'm offended, you don't care about me, I'll go to the Internet and cheat on you online!
He: Take Kaspersky!
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Sign up for work book: “Fucking mother fired” Cool statuses with humor
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The dream of Russian doctors is that the poor never get sick, and the rich never get well.
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Space for rent under the heel... Expensive...))
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In my next life I'll be a man to find out how it works male brain and find out - DOES HE EVEN exist???
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Small children! For nothing in the world, don’t let your mom surf the Internet. There are bad things on the Internet. There are kaki on the Internet, Virtual maniacs are waiting for mom on the Internet. They will feed your mother fairy tales, and then you and your father will cook the soup yourself...))))
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Take a seat on the throne, Your Majesty. Now I will supply electricity there...
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Everyone says, “I want summer, I want summer,” but I don’t want it! My felt boots are cool...
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It's time to change wedding traditions! Now let the bride throw an unmarried man to her girlfriends instead of a bouquet.
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I wish that next to us there is no smell of goats!!!
© Torch
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Don't listen to what people tell you.
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Blew your brains out? Are you satisfied? Now assemble it carefully and put it in place)
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And yet it seems to me that my husband married me... so as not to go to the circus...))
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I don't want to be woken up by your messages in the morning. I want your kisses and hot breath to wake me up in the morning. Well, you can also have a cup of coffee in bed.
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Since the hangover, the kolobok is worse than anyone else, and everything hurts!!!
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What we believe stormy youth, people call it alcohol addiction!)
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Tutorial on how to meet a real woman: Speed up the horse, set fire to the hut, wait...
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Once you open your soul, someone will definitely take their tests...
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I want a prince like a white horse.
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I'm tired of all. Tired. I'll go to the monastery. In men's. For 3 days…
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Now the mother said: “Soon you’ll be going to the toilet with your laptop!!!” Apparently she doesn’t know yet...))))
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The only thing I ask is, give me a chance to make sure that money cannot make me happy.
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Women are very clean - before sitting on a man’s neck, they carefully wipe their feet on him...)))
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There are people for whom dialogue is just “free ears”...
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-Honey, where have you been? -Running for bread! -Well, have you caught up?
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Friendship between a man and a woman is a passion rolled into tin can, in use... in a hungry year it will be opened.
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A smart woman will even saw her husband carefully, like with a manicure file... For better “grooming”... And not like the “Friendship” chainsaw, when there will be no horns or legs left of the person...
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Everyone is mine last time such a penultimate one.
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How nicely T9 and I complement each other. He teaches me literacy, and I teach him bad words...
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Now about the eternal. You are always without money.
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-WHERE DO THE KEYS GO??? -They secretly meet with the TV remote control. -And together they wait for the flash drive)))
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The dish “happiness” has one recipe... Only the cooks are different.
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“I’ll send him to... the sky, for a star!!)))" - I dreamed, sitting in a chair and sipping hot coffee... But when I saw his eyes, I realized... that now they would send me... to the store, to get beer!)
Funny statuses with humor
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I see the meaning of life, I understand it perfectly, I remove toxins, I bring you to consciousness - all at a negotiated price. Your money is my concern
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There are people with this developed sense humor, that their humor has clearly overtaken their intelligence.
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I built a house... I’m raising my son... And I divorced the tree!!!
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Leaders should be praised! And some are simply placed on a pedestal, and higher. Let them sit there and not interfere with their work.
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Damn it, we are beautiful as always, and we make everything around us and the whole world even more beautiful:)
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“Indian summer” is the hot weather that sets in immediately after you have packed and hidden all your summer things.
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If you’re going to go and get yourself into something, it’s easily me! Right to the fullest and to the pumpkin! I’m great, I’m straight, special. I know the routes...
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I eat a kilo of candy a day... life doesn’t get any sweeter.
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Any reinforced concrete plans can be destroyed by battering ram circumstances...
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For some reason beautiful women They fix their gaze on themselves... and their loved ones - the brain...
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It's always a little alarming when doctors give a lifetime guarantee on their work.
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It’s very strange, but it’s those who don’t want to live who want to live long healthy image life...
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After Vladimir Putin drew on school board cat from a rear view, it became clear where the government was turning to education.
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If laziness comes into fashion, I will be the most stylish and cool.
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How fleeting life is - before I knew it, I turned from a girl with a future into a woman with a past...))
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The advance and salary have long since been divorced, they are still only registered at their place of residence, but do not live... I threw away my wallet... as unnecessary)))...
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Our team is tolerant. Endure and endure...)) Statuses about life with humor
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Nature has a great sense of humor! The April Fool's joke was a great success: everything was covered with snow at night, and in the evening it was freezing.
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A sense of humor is a person’s attitude towards life. The more relaxed he is about everything, the brighter his sense of humor.
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Don't argue with just anyone with anything.
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Talent, like an ideal, is different for everyone and different for everyone...
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- The doctor prescribed this medicine to me and promised that with it I would have a different life!
- I mean, the next one?
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HOORAY!!! Yesterday I won a trial against traffic cops!!! My lawyer managed to prove that at a speed of 240 km. per hour, the 40 sign is really not visible!!!
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I got up in the morning in a great mood, decided to enjoy life all day like crazy, came to work, caring people improved my mood...
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Only the dead are absolutely not hypocrites.
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I Lately I sleep very anxiously... especially at work.
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The head goes into the shoulders, the soul goes into the heels. And only the ass has nowhere to hide. And answer her.
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Delivery by Russian Post worked more or less. But then the postman Pechkin’s bicycle was stolen...
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I approach life with humor and sometimes she likes to joke with me...))))
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Men, if you don’t want to live with a fool, don’t turn your WOMEN INTO WOMEN!!
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Life is full of failures and troubles, but if there is a sense of humor, there will be a reason to laugh... and a good mood
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Sometimes the Mosquito considers himself an Eagle, because he has wings and he flies on them...
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Foreigners are surprised why our fences are high - above the waist... It's dark... What's below the waist... then we have a fence!
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I suffer from periodic attacks of an excess of emotions, but on the whole I am quite adequate and happy...))
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A thought always gnaws, if there is food for thought, like a lump in the throat.
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I’m on a diet: I don’t eat meat, fish, flour, or sweets... Yes, it’s simple, I don’t have any money!!!
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You can't shout down a barking dog.
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Previously, in order to empty the toilet, it was necessary to turn off the light in it. Now to do this you need to turn off the router.
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My friend has suffered from blood pressure since childhood... You should have seen how she chokes on dumplings!!!
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Even people with a developed sense of humor do not want a ridiculous salary.
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Brevity is the sister of talent, but not all those who are friends with their sister are friends with their brother...
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The ideal cocktail for life: adventurism doesn’t give a damn, altruism, a drop of selfishness. Mix, shake, drink immediately...)))))
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The sad time is not autumn at all, but those ten days before payday!
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I'm still too young... to wonder if there is life after death? I'm much more interested in... is there sex... after the wedding???
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It seems there will soon be three of us, I told my husband... and took a lover... and he, in my opinion, has been thinking for two months now... that I’m pregnant...))
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Exorcism, on the contrary, is when you are expelled from hell because you annoyed everyone there too.
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Looking for adventures for my fall! Statuses about life with humor
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As soon as my sense of humor overcomes my upbringing, I will finally be able to be rude to others without suffering from remorse.
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Cheap show-offs cost more...
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Not seen in bad company! I’m trying to be stupid... on my own!!!)))
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I drank 200 grams of rum in the morning... Now I'm roaming!!!))
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Why am I so lazy? - asked the ass and answered herself - Because I am forever young and beautiful!
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A woman's handbag is like a tourist's backpack - it contains only the essentials.
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If your wife is listening to your every word, she is probably looking for a hole in your alibi.)))
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Six billion people live on Earth, not counting visitors!!!
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I don’t listen to anyone if they shame and criticize me... Because I’m the best! And also - deaf!
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Life is sheer sex: everyone roasts each other with great pleasure...
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A smart woman WILL get smarter when necessary.
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Before you scold your child, remember yourself at his age, pat him on the head, kiss him and go drink your valerian...:)))))))
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Hope is the last to die...
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People without a sense of humor are like stale champagne. The taste seems to be the same, but there is no holiday feeling.
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I can't understand people... without a sense of humor ;))
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It turns out that bestiality has its deep and rich history: This is where nymphs, satyrs and mermaids come from!
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When there are children in the house, the only place that can be perfectly clean is in a bowl of sweets...
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And her name is Glashka, and her last name is Gotovko, and every day she has the same thing...
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Exit from maternity leave to work - important stage in the life of any woman... Well, if you don’t play smart, then I’ve gone wild, really gone wild))))))
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I was at the market today! I found out... that we have three sizes of clothes: “to fit you”, “not to fit you” and “need to be tried on”!
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Don't know who you are in life? go outside at 4am and shout “WHO AM I?” whoever wakes up will answer!!
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Tell me my dressing table, am I such a schmuck in nature?
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For wealthy gentlemen! The family is for sale on a turnkey basis. Beautiful wife, child and mother-in-law.
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Daughter, it's time to tell you the truth. we brought you in to wash the dishes
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Not all proverbs are for cats during Maslenitsa! For example, when I eat, I am very alert and sociable...
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“I urgently want to meet an unmarried president to create a strong family”
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I watch detective stories on TV. A judge was killed with a statuette of Themis, a computer technician was hit in the head with a laptop. In the next episode, the corpse of a gynecologist is found. I wonder how it is?
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Keep your friends at a distance. At gunshot distance. And NO problems with betrayal.
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A woman is honest only during hysterics... Provoke her and shudder with delight at the fact that she really thinks about you...
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Your freedom to wave your arms ends where my nose begins.
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It's good when people have a sense of humor, some don't have any at all.
Statuses about life with humor
Previously, all the boys knew that if you break through to the movie “Children under 16”, there will be boobs! Now if they write “16+”, there are no guarantees.
If you suspect someone is secretly watching you, yawn. If he's really looking, he'll yawn too.
If intuition didn’t fail, then it’s “I thought so,” if it failed, then it’s “as I felt.”
Whatever I'm going to do, my grandmother has the same story in which someone died.
My neighbor was struck by lightning, and since then he has acquired the superpower of boring everyone with this story.
In the morning I had such a bad hangover that I stood in the shower for almost an hour. Then I gained strength and turned it on.
I like traveling very much. Yesterday I visited the kitchen - the capital of the apartment.
It turned out that love at 40 is much worse than love at 16. It’s like chickenpox: as a child you get over it more easily, but as an adult you can die.
This whole Asian cuisine of yours is nonsense. Yesterday I made Tom Yam according to the recipe, although not everything was made from ingredients. I replaced the shrimp with beef, shiitake with potatoes, ginger with beets, lemongrass with bay leaves, and coconut milk with sour cream. It tasted just like our borscht, nothing exotic!
They say that if you show a person a picture of a running boy who has tripped over a chair, when asked “Who is to blame for what happened?” children under five years old answer “Chair!”, children from five to 12 years old answer “Boy” and only when they become adults begin to answer: “That brute who put the chair here!”
By the way, Cinderella never asked for a prince, she just wanted new outfits for the ball...
The phrase "Will you marry me?" I only hear it at work...
If a man opens a car door for a woman, it means one of them is new.
Oh, yes, my self-esteem is normal. Kiss your hand.
When I have money, I don’t know what I want to buy for myself; when I don’t have money, I want to buy everything.
I decided to lose weight. That’s why I didn’t order pizza, but went to get it myself...
Announcement in the toilet: “It is mandatory to flush - regardless of the goals set and the results achieved.”
“So childhood is over...” thought Slavik when they brought a pension not only to his mother, but also to himself.
Behind every successful man there is a woman who believed in him.
Behind every successful woman there is an asshole, out of spite for whom everything was started.
Any bullshit expressed in a confident tone is called “personal opinion.”
I always work hard because my director is Vyacheslav.
She said that she bought this lace lingerie especially for me, and then she was offended when I wore it.
Have you ever thought about what name your dog gave you?
How to find out which bear is chasing you?
If you run, run, climb a tree and a bear climbs after you, then it is a black bear.
If you run, run, climb a tree and a bear shakes the tree to throw you off it - it's a brown bear.
If you run and run and can't find a tree, it's a polar bear.
From the point of view of domestic cats, tigers are stupid jocks on anabolic steroids.
Want to imagine a woman's brain?
Open 2785 browser tabs at the same time...
And never close it again!
Surprisingly, after the phrase “I have no words,” it is impossible to shut up a person.
This morning I found someone's man's sock on the steps at the entrance... Where are you, my Cinderella?
