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Perhaps the most funny statuses on the website Statusy-Tut.ru! When you want to amuse your friends, look at Statuses-Here and you will find funny statuses for classmates, in contact or for others social networks. The main thing is not to lose heart, because you can always find positive statuses, thanks to which you will cheer up those around you, and gray everyday life will suddenly sparkle with new colors. Our most funny statuses will help make any princess Nesmeyana laugh, and now she is already laughing with you, and together you read laughing statuses for classmates on Statuses-Tut.ru! This is not surprising, because laughter, jokes, a positive and cheerful attitude prolong life, help maintain good relationships and make it easier to look at the world. Our funniest statuses about everything and everyone will give you the opportunity to stand out from the crowd of gloomy and dissatisfied Internet users. Funny quotes and sayings will definitely cheer up everyone who is lucky enough to see them. The funniest statuses are here! Let's choose a status together!

Selected funny statuses!

The funniest statuses!

Funny statuses here!

It's definitely time for me to see an eye doctor! I walk into the store and my eyes widen... I look at the prices and my eyes widen... I look in my wallet and don’t see a damn thing at all.

My belly is growing, maybe someone lives there?! No! The test reassured me that someone was just eating a lot.

If the road has been repaired, it means the pipes will soon be replaced.

Until you tell a person that he smells bad, the person will continue to smell bad; Until you tell a person that he is slurping loudly, the person will continue to champ; Until you tell a person that he is a fool, you will never know that you yourself are one.

Lord, I’m not asking for myself, but for my mother! Send her, Lord: a handsome, smart and rich son-in-law!

I recently bought a gel for problem areas... now I’ll smear it on my wallet...

Cactus collects negative energy. Especially when you unexpectedly sit on it...

Discussion and condemnation of Internet addiction looks quite funny, especially when it happens on the Internet.

A wasp flew into my window, now this is her room...

The Ministry of Health warns that if the question arises, “Hey, do you have a cigarette?” Smoking and non-smoking are equally dangerous to your health.

As Susanin liked to say: “Where are you in the forest without GPS.”

To have complete control over the situation, it is not enough to listen to the voice of reason; you also need to sniff the scent of intuition.

If you jump over the subway turnstile at 40, then your health is fine, but you should think about your quality of life.

I love weekends! I spend them in 3D format: At home I press the sofa.

Scientists have discovered the elixir of youth. Now a person can maintain working capacity up to 85 years. The research sponsor is the Pension Fund.

I used to tell people about my problems. Then I decided that it was not worth lifting their spirits in this way.

Only after quitting drinking did Nikolai Petrovich realize for the first time in his life that he wasn’t such a great dancer...

Many women and men doubt their other half... especially their lower half... especially when they drink.

To the “Call me back” service you need to add “Urgent fucking!”.

If you were bitten angry dog, don’t be upset: someday the kind one will bite.

Nothing limits action more than the phrase: “Do what you want!”

Women are distinguished by the fact that they do not see price tags, the “Give way” sign and normal men around them.

The wallet is called the “money house”. No matter how I look, no one is always home!

The easiest way to justify drunkenness, disorder, dirty dishes, vulgar jokes and periodic hysterics because you are a creative person.

Contemporary avant-garde artists call their works installations, and viewers call them bullshit.

If you start looking for something in the room, you may accidentally do a deep cleaning.

How sometimes you want to put lemon not in tea, but in a Swiss bank.

The "Don't care" plan. Everything is provided. And no surprises!

• My ex asked me to give him farewell sex. I had to remind him that best gift- This is a gift made with your own hands.
• The water cycle in nature is when you wash your car, the water evaporates from it, turns into a cloud and the next day, bitch, it rains!
• If you're nervous, pull yourself together... or give it to a good one!
• As Russian scientists have found, fasting helps not only normalize weight, but also pay off your mortgage.
• I’m one of those people who will post a photo of myself, look at it for two minutes, find all the flaws and delete it to hell.

Very cool statuses, expressions, words, quotes

• It's good to be a woman of thirty. You can meet a man 10 years older or 10 years younger. What a range! What prospects! And half of the options are not available to twenty-year-old girls!
• In the elevator there is “13.4zdato” on the wall. Education is definitely deteriorating.
• If everyone got punched in the teeth for being rude, there would be a lot of people with lisps and affectionate ones.
• They say that the black streak is retribution for happy Days... Damn, where did I manage to grab so much happiness?
• I decided to check the words that if you eat a heavy meal and go to the store, you will not want to buy food. And exactly! I look at the food and don’t want anything. I only took vodka and cognac!
• Why send one message with one text when you can send 25 small ones of one word each to be more annoying.
• Even the most independent person loves having her back rubbed in the bathroom.
• A real hunt is when both he and she want to hunt! What a hunt! And when you’re walking through the forest with a gun, it’s like that... running around.
• Very funny statuses- You can be endlessly interesting and multifaceted personality, but what's the point if you're ugly.
• I practice on girls so that I don’t make a mistake when I have to kiss a tomato for the first time.
• I decided to put things in order in my purse, in my closet... and in life in general... So, here... After the purse, I realized... things may not reach order in life at all...
• If a military unit is formed from the grandmothers who did not have a seat on public transport, then it will be the most ruthless and ferocious battalion.
• I'm tired of struggling and searching all the time. I want to find something and give up.
• Yesterday I took my soul away... Today I can’t remember where!
• As I get older, I begin to understand why the bears that are awakened in winter are the most evil.
• Smart, well-mannered, intelligent, even seemingly kind! But, damn it, when I sit down with my child for homework, it’s like I’ve missed two deadlines.
• Think of some crap and it's right there. Think about happiness and joy... and some crap is right there again.
• Sometimes you just want to take it and leave everything. It’s just not clear where to get it.
• I’ll accept an apartment as a gift, okay? a private house, the car, I assure you, the mug will not crack.
• He was such a cool guy. But then he stopped drinking, found a girl, got a job, took up sports, and at 30 he already had a wife, children, an apartment, a car. It’s a pity for him, because he could have continued to drink and drink.
• IN serious relationship The main thing is to distinguish in the girl’s words where is a reproach, where is a threat, where is a request, and where is a proposal.
• Very funny and funny statuses - Today I will spread them good mood! For some - to smithereens...
• Leave some cool money on the card.
• Artists are the only men in the world who make a naked woman want to paint.
• It was better as a child. Someone didn’t like it, took it, hit it with a shovel and covered it with sand. And now this is an article.

Dimka, will you go to the dacha with us next weekend? How, which one? On yours, of course!

Mom, can I ask you a couple of questions? - Of course, honey, go ahead! - Well, first of all, tell me, can I not go to school tomorrow? And secondly, why not?

Today I’m sitting quietly downloading music... Then my mother comes up - “Where are we sitting?!” What kind of site is this?” – “Zaitsev.net” – “I see that no! What are the boobs doing here?”

We bought children’s poems here, and if we match the text to the pictures, then Chukovsky wrote “My iPhone rang.”

Best status:
Girls, you look so funny when you walk with headphones on and change your gait with every song!

“No matter how much I tell you, I won’t talk to you” is an excellent example of female logic.

Women, like traffic police, talk to her and you have no mood, no money, and you remain forever guilty.

- “Make yourself at home” - “I can’t, your place is tidy.”

– Italy is located on a peninsula that looks like a boot. - Enough... I was in Italy - our places here are more like boots!

If, falling down the stairs, you shout “Oh-oh-oh,” then your parents have reason to be proud of your upbringing!

As is known, only monkeys suffered from AIDS. Question: what idiot?

Are you lying simply or with a hint?

When I eat, I am deaf and dumb. When I drink, I am much more sociable.

A new super-powerful hurricane is approaching the US coast. He has already been assigned highest degree danger and the title of Hero of the Russian Federation.

Vodka with ice is bad for the kidneys, rum with ice for the liver, gin with ice for the heart, whiskey with ice for the brain. This damn ice is incredibly harmful!

Today I went to Odnoklassniki, and for the first time I thought: I have 200 friends. Of these: 5 - family, 32 - classmates, 13 - classmates, 1 - co-worker, 9 - colleagues. The question of who everyone else is still haunts me!

The Russian national team players began to score more goals! Now they can score not only during training, but also during the match itself!

The best way to end an argument with a woman is to play dead...

Love is so evil that there are not enough goats for everyone!

I’m a star in bed... I’ll spread my arms and legs and sleep... =)

Don't piss off the Lord. When will it end Mayan calendar, the June calendar will begin.

A condom does not guarantee complete safety. One of my friends put it on and still got hit by a car.

We are what we eat. In the morning I was just tea, and by lunchtime I upgraded to the level of pasta with a cutlet. Life is an unpredictable thing.

On March 1, they ask a police officer: “Well, how do people generally address you?” - Yes, just like before the “nasalnik”.

Every woman is a mystery... she’ll be offended, who knows why...

An amazing thing is the exam! Some are surprised by the questions, others by the answers.

What a stupid death to wake me up at 6am on a Sunday...

A Lada is good, but a car is better)))

The easiest way to inflict brain injury is with something heavy and blunt... For example, with a question...

Did you cheat? -Well, it happened once..with a neighbor.. -I’m asking, did you change the password for entering Odnoklassniki??

These fucking people open their mouths, wave their hands, but not a sound comes to me. FUCK I LOVE HEADPHONES!

A spoon fell... and how it started to fall!

She: Well, let me under the covers! It's cold. Him: No, I won’t let you in in shorts, dress code!

One day you will ask what I love more: you or life? I will answer - life. You will leave without knowing that I love cookies even more)

Marriage is a union of two people to jointly overcome problems that they would not have had without this union.

If a person is not competent in something, this does not mean that she is a complete fool

If you monitor your health, you will find out where it has gone

Now they write so much about the dangers of smoking that I have firmly decided to stop reading.

There are people whom you want to approach, hug by the shoulders, look tenderly into their eyes, and ask: “Well, how do you live without a brain, huh?”

Damn, it’s infuriating... You’re standing in front of the mirror... Such a pussy... and you’re taking pictures: “What a fuck-up I am!!!”

Good husbands do not reprimand their wives for not hammering a nail properly.

All people are two-faced. The first personality is kind, sincere, sympathetic. The second appears when the first is abused.

If I got up in the middle of the night, it means someone woke me up. If someone wakes me up, it means it’s urgent. So the cat, I'm listening to you!

The coolest thing in the world is the buck thing.

The girl is a weak, defenseless creature from whom it is impossible to escape.

“Dove”, your life turns into silky pleasure, and without giving, you walk around unfucked, irritable and angry!

Recently, people were lying in a pharmacy in a fit of brutal laughter. Granny impudently crawled forward... to buy Kaspersky Anti-Virus.

Clear, sunny weather, the grass trimmed evenly, not a breeze - everything is against the Russian team!

Don't listen too much to inner voice, he's never been outside...

The following people went from point A to point B: a cyclist, a motorcyclist, a car, a bus, a train, a horse-drawn cart, a semi-trailer and a roller. Something incredibly interesting is happening at point B...

If you are no longer interested in a person, just don’t communicate with him. Although, of course, as an option, you can dissolve it in acid

Recipe for bald people: Smear your head with honey, wait three days, then clap your hands hard - the flies will fly away, but the paws will remain.

I look at him and I want to cook children and give birth to borscht.

A win-win lottery means that you won't leave without losing anyway.

- Dad, tell me, what is opera? - This, son, is a performance that starts at 19:00, and when you look at your watch three hours later, it shows 19:20.

- Mom, give me some money! - Alena will give! - Mom, this is an old joke! - Yes?! Well then, goodbye.

Mommy, guess how much toothpaste is in the tube? - I find it difficult to answer, son. -Exactly from the sink to the sofa and back!

The father of seven daughters, in despair, named the eighth - Seryoga...

To prevent me from getting sick, I don’t eat after 6.. and don’t smoke at gas stations.

Life is a game. There are just no saves. And there is only one life. And they kill with a couple of blows. In short, the difficulty level is Hardcore

Some people just need someone who can simply give timely advice. Or a pussy.

The fact that I constantly strive for the beautiful and sublime does not prevent me from having fun in a rude and primitive way.

My husband is my third child... I’ll feed him, put him to bed, pick out socks... why don’t they give 380 thousand for him?

How unbearably difficult it is early in the morning to look for a thread from a tea bag in a mug, especially if you brewed coffee for yourself.

It's amazing how quickly people's interests change. It seemed like just yesterday I was dreaming about a dog, and today I want to fly away from this fucking planet.

In which hand should a gentleman hold a fork if he is holding a cutlet in his left hand?

My girlfriend used to always think that I was cheating on her. She went to her grandmother... She bewitched me... And now she thinks that I am not cheating on her.

SMS: “Mom, today is a day off. Can my friends bring me later than usual?”

I’ll be a very nice old lady, well, maybe a little gangster-style, And I’ll order myself a bronze hockey stick... Eh, the main thing is that my memory doesn’t go away!

If fate brought you together with ME, then it’s time to pay for your sins!

The best proof in childhood: “Don’t believe me? Ask my mom!”

In the event of a shipwreck, the first to be evacuated are women, children and people with manta rays.

Only a Russian person can come home from sick leave tanned.

Scientists claim that the human body grows only until the age of 25... but probably neither the stomach nor the ass knows about this...)))

It's easy to fake an orgasm. You try to fake an erection.

Whoever has no problems with conscience has everything in order with his memory!

The husband says to his wife: “This new hat of yours is not to my taste.” What can I do, dear, I can’t put a bottle of vodka on my head.

Childhood is a time when you still don’t know how to think in swear words...

Do you remember, my true friend, the time when we knew how to love, dream and believe? What the fuck was going on with us then, fucked up.

Crystal Distillery warns: Smoking, smoking and only smoking is dangerous to your health!(c)

Good girls understand geographical maps, bad girls understand playing maps, smart girls understand credit cards =)

You men shouldn’t be slandering us... a woman screams only in two cases: when she doesn’t like something, or when she likes it just the way she likes it.

I'm driving a Ferrari and suddenly... Alarm clock!

Love is when all the people around you see you as an arrogant, impudent boor, a bitchy bitch. And HE looks at you and sees a small, gentle, stupid, touching girl.

How far have we come? I send SMS from my computer, chat on ICQ from my phone. All that remains is to start making calls from the camera and watching movies from the coffee grinder.

Only a few who suffer from cough go to the doctor. Most go to the cinema.

Only in our country, the first time a person sneezes, they say “Be healthy,” the second time, “Be healthy,” and the third, “Yes, you’re in! ”

I don’t understand why most of the crimes are committed at night, because you want to kill and rape mostly in the morning

The most useful thing I've done at work in Lately– I greased the door so that they wouldn’t hear me leaving an hour earlier

It's not so easy to forget a woman with whom you had nothing.

The airbag deployed in the Oka car scattered the car within a radius of 50 meters

My husband punished me yesterday because there was nothing to eat at home. I knocked him down and fucked him - I’ll never cook now.

There are still many rakes in the world that no one has ever stepped on)

How good it is, after all, when the expectation of trouble suddenly ends in a pleasant surprise!

In the shop. - Do you have buckwheat? - Is it cereal? - No, damn it, astronaut!

I conduct intellectual debates, build logical chains, I argue, only because I can’t immediately hit him in the jaw.

No one foreign language never managed to master me!

- How tall are you? - 145 - You are such a little princess. How much do you weigh? – And I weigh even less, 120...

To avoid getting sick, try not to eat after six and not smoke near a gas station.

Men be careful: scratches on the back from one woman can easily turn into scratches on the face from another.

Son, do you want to see the little sister that the stork just brought? Business for me too, sister! Show me the stork!!!

I solved the mystery of floor-length skirts, girls just got too lazy to shave their legs

One day you ask me what I like more, I will answer - interrupt.

Listen, I saw you somewhere. Isn't that your face on a can of stew?

I'm not a pessimist! I am an angry, cold, tired and hungry optimist!

It was a very strange forest: first I went for mushrooms, then they followed me.

Once again I am convinced that women know how to keep secrets. In groups, about forty people.

I like football: during a match, you can beg your husband for anything... and even a mink coat.

A letter from a friend from the army: “Here they teach us how to remove snow and cook potatoes.

As a child, my friends and I decided that if someone got very rich, he would provide for everyone else. That's why everyone waits for each other and becomes poor.

I come home from school and shout to my dad: “Dad!” I brought four! - Well done, put it in the refrigerator

Be careful with the things you love. Otherwise they can destroy you by statusfishki

Life is too good to spoil it with diet, greedy men and a job you don’t like.

Firefighter Ivan stood and did nothing. The bank was burning and the loan was being repaid.

I love people... when they are dead. or asleep. They just don’t move and are silent.

Whoever doesn’t drink tsai is tsmo! (Confucius)

Ever since I learned to drive, I began to cross the road more carefully...

I am loved and love... - Congratulations! - No problem, these are two different men.

So if the enemy attacks, we will clear the way for him and prepare food for him.”

No matter how much bad things they say about me, I always have something to add. 101

Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 80

Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 71

Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 200 - cool statuses

Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 21

Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 31

If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 48

I'm going with eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards future happiness, through a field of rakes... 97

From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 32

Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 41

I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 39

The best way to test a guy’s fidelity is to ask the sleeping person in the morning the question: “Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?” 67

According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 65

Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 54

You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 62

Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 48

If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 41

Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 46

All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 69

What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 19

If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46

Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 65

I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 44

The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the movie, but I was sweating a lot. 31

The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 61

Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 40

The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 46

The great one protects me ancient egyptian god peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 75

Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 61

No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 34