Funny statuses about life. The funniest statuses for social networks, funny and funny quotes! Funny statuses here
New funny statuses- it seems like a trifle, but how these funny quotes lift your spirits! We want to amuse you, your friends when they visit your Odnoklassniki page, or simply cheer you up. We must live cheerfully, joyfully! You come home sad, maybe you had a quarrel with a young man, or you have troubles at school or at work. And I really want something that will cheer me up and lift my spirits! Add new cool statuses to Odnoklassniki or VKontakte!
Watch, read, select cool statuses for Odnoklassniki, Vkontakte. We collect the newest, funniest and funny statuses. Select the cool status you like and click on the icon of your social network. The most funny statuses only on our website! Stop looking for them on the Internet, because we have already collected the best of the best. Most people often fall into funny situations. At the right approach they easily turn into cool statuses. This is how about half of them are created, the other half are specially invented, but no less cool. As cool status jokes can be used that Lately have slightly lost their popularity. The best jokes, jokes, incredible life situations, it's all here - read and enjoy. We hope you enjoy it!
No matter how much bad things they say about me, I always have something to add. 100
Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 81
Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 72
Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 198 - cool statuses
Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 21
Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 30
If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 48
I'm going with eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards future happiness, through a field of rakes... 98
From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 31
Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 42
I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 39
The best way to test a guy’s fidelity is to ask the sleeping person in the morning the question: “Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?” 67
According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 65
Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Light color, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 54
You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 62
Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 48
If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 41
Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 46
All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 69
What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 20
If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46
Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 65
I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 44
The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the movie, but I was sweating a lot. 31
The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 61
Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 40
The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 47
The great one protects me ancient egyptian god peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 75
Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 61
No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 34
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I have only two shortcomings - laziness and a sense of humor. One constantly prevents me from living, and the second does not allow me to die.
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But has anyone ever thought about how many liters of beer a small phrase contains: MAYBE A BOTTLE???
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I was telling fortunes for Christmas. She burned a Christmas tree, flooded her neighbors, hit some guy with a felt boot... The ambulance, firefighters and police arrived immediately. Now I sit and think - which of them is the betrothed!!!
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Well... my husband told me this morning: - Hey, beauty, save the world... go get a beer!)))
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- Grandpa, what’s in your shorts?
- The end of love and two bags of memories.
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When I... jokingly set the status:... “What an unbearable infection I am!”... All my... hidden “exes”... couldn’t stand it... and put it “class”... Ha!... Remember, bastards... Nice!!!
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Herring with potatoes is the best sushi! Take a boiled potato, wrap it with a real piece of herring... Serve with regular uncolored horseradish (instead of wasabi), sunflower oil(instead of soy sauce), and sauerkraut(instead of ginger):))
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Lord, give me what I need, not what I want!
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You empty out the drawer with your husband’s socks: first you remove all the dirty ones, then all the unpaired ones, then all the ones with holes, if there is nothing left, everything is correct - the solitaire has worked out!!!
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There are people in whom God lives, there are people in whom the devil lives, and there are people in whom only worms live.
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When climbing the tree of life, try to avoid branches and avoid reacting to woodpeckers.
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Animals, which are few in number, are included in the Red Book, and those that are numerous are included in the Book of Tasty and Healthy Food.
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IN past life I was definitely a bee... only the sting remained as proof.
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Our medicine is the strongest!
What they treat for is what they die for.
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First he hanged himself, then he poisoned himself, and finally he cut his veins... In short, Koschey the Immortal had as much fun as he could that day.
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Happiness cannot be put off “for later”! There is now? Take it and don't think about it!!!
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Do you want to crush my dream? Get over it. I have it unbreakable, shockproof and frost resistant!!!
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He was so unlucky that even in peach-scented toilet paper he came across seeds.
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A person always believes in miracles, especially when he presses the balance request button on an ATM!
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It's hard for me to work when there is no boss. I don’t even go smoking, I’m afraid I’ll go home.
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One more beep in my direction and your teeth will begin to move.
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“Your wife’s nervous illness is not dangerous. People live with such neurosis for a very long time.
- And I, doctor, how long can I last?
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Grief from intelligence is much easier to bear than joy from stupidity.
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I've been laughing at my husband for two days. He has been walking for two days, waiting for the football game, worrying, worrying. And in the end: he eats chips during the anthem and falls asleep at the sixth minute.
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A hen runs from a rooster and thinks: “Am I running too fast?”
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She: That's it, I'm offended, you don't care about me, I'll go to the Internet and cheat on you online!
He: Take Kaspersky!
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Sign up for work book: “Fucking sacked” Cool statuses with humor
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The dream of Russian doctors is that the poor never get sick, and the rich never get well.
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Space for rent under the heel... Expensive...))
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In my next life I'll be a man to find out how it works male brain and find out - DOES HE EVEN exist???
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Small children! For nothing in the world, don’t let your mom surf the Internet. There are bad things on the Internet. There are kaki on the Internet, Virtual maniacs are waiting for mom on the Internet. They will feed your mother fairy tales, and then you and your father will cook the soup yourself...))))
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Take a seat on the throne, Your Majesty. Now I will supply electricity there...
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Everyone says, “I want summer, I want summer,” but I don’t want it! My felt boots are cool...
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It's time to change wedding traditions! Now let the bride throw an unmarried man to her girlfriends instead of a bouquet.
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I wish that next to us there is no smell of goats!!!
© Torch
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Don't listen to what people tell you.
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Blew your brains out? Are you satisfied? Now assemble it carefully and put it in place)
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And yet it seems to me that my husband married me... so as not to go to the circus...))
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I don't want to be woken up by your messages in the morning. I want your kisses and hot breath to wake me up in the morning. Well, you can also have a cup of coffee in bed.
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Since the hangover, the kolobok is worse than anyone else, and everything hurts!!!
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What we believe stormy youth, people call it alcohol addiction!)
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Tutorial on how to meet a real woman: Speed up the horse, set fire to the hut, wait...
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Once you open your soul, someone will definitely take their tests...
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I want a prince like a white horse.
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I'm tired of all. Tired. I'll go to the monastery. In men's. For 3 days…
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Now the mother said: “Soon you’ll be going to the toilet with your laptop!!!” Apparently she doesn’t know yet...))))
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The only thing I ask is, give me a chance to make sure that money cannot make me happy.
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Women are very clean - before sitting on a man’s neck, they carefully wipe their feet on him...)))
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There are people for whom dialogue is just “free ears”...
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-Honey, where have you been? -Running for bread! -Well, have you caught up?
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Friendship between a man and a woman is a passion rolled into tin can, in use... in a hungry year it will be opened.
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A smart woman will even saw her husband carefully, like with a manicure file... For better “grooming”... And not like the “Friendship” chainsaw, when there will be no horns or legs left of the person...
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Everyone is mine last time such a penultimate one.
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How nicely T9 and I complement each other. He teaches me literacy, and I teach him bad words...
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Now about the eternal. You are always without money.
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-WHERE DO THE KEYS GO??? -They secretly meet with the TV remote control. -And together they wait for the flash drive)))
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The dish “happiness” has one recipe... Only the cooks are different.
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“I’ll send him to... the sky, for a star!!)))" - I dreamed, sitting in a chair and sipping hot coffee... But when I saw his eyes, I realized... that now they would send me... to the store, to get beer!)
Funny statuses with humor
Perhaps the funniest statuses on the website Statuses-Tut.ru! When you want to amuse your friends, look at Statuses-Here and you will find funny statuses for classmates, in contact or for others social networks. The main thing is not to lose heart, because you can always find positive statuses, thanks to which you will cheer up those around you, and gray everyday life will suddenly sparkle with new colors. Our most funny statuses will help make any princess Nesmeyana laugh, and now she is already laughing with you, and together you read laughing statuses for classmates on Statuses-Tut.ru! This is not surprising, because laughter, jokes, a positive and cheerful attitude prolong life, help maintain good relationships and make it easier to look at the world. Our funniest statuses about everything and everyone will give you the opportunity to stand out from the crowd of gloomy and dissatisfied Internet users. Funny quotes and sayings will definitely cheer up everyone who is lucky enough to see them. The funniest statuses are here! Let's choose a status together!
