How to find the right approach to people. How to find an approach to people with different temperaments

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When a prince on a white horse appears in our lives, and even with a marriage proposal, we are incredibly happy in our souls: “this is happiness.” But everything is not as simple as it might seem at first glance.

After the wedding, the prince no longer seems so ideal, “unexpectedly” it turns out that he throws his socks away, he is an ardent fan of some sports team, so there is no access to the TV in the hall... In general, let’s not talk about the bad. After all, we are not ideal either, and we ourselves can create the ground for a future break in relations.

“What a beautiful dress, probably also my size”

You said, walking with your husband past the window of a store. But he will just look at it, and you will move on. He has no idea that in this way you are hinting at a purchase, or at least a fitting. He doesn’t understand what you want (and he doesn’t understand his involvement in your hints at all), and therefore your expectations will not come true.

And then grievances will begin to multiply in a woman’s head, and believe me, it will be completely unreasonable. Instead of hinting, say directly that you need this dress, or something else, and then argue why. Everything is much simpler.

“You nag him and nag him, but he doesn’t care.”

One of the most pressing issues: he leaves his socks everywhere and doesn’t close his toothpaste tube. Even if a man does not have such problems, a saw woman will find and definitely find fault with any flaw, and will do this until the end of the marriage. Every day, reproach after reproach. But everything is useless; excessive pressure will never change him. It’s easier for a man to leave for another woman who won’t treat her sweet house husbands so viciously. So be kind.

“Where were you, when and with whom?”

We love to control everything, especially our husbands. Therefore, very often quarrels and scandals are associated with the fact that a man cannot breathe calmly, because he must report almost every move to his wife. But why does this happen?

Girls often discuss with their friends who cooked what, where they will be today, tomorrow, with whom, where to go on vacation, where to buy cheaper clothes, etc. Therefore, the husband may seem to us to be a kind of silent person, because when he comes home from work he doesn’t say too much. Then thoughts begin to arise in a woman’s head: “He’s hiding something from me!” And constant phone calls begin to give reports about where he was, with whom, why, and what time he would be home.

It would seem that this is the same quality called jealousy, and besides, something really wrong may actually come to light. But we are smart girls, and we don’t want to ruin our marriage with constant interrogations. Therefore, if you want to test your husband’s fidelity, use more hidden possibilities. Even if your husband is hiding something, he personally will never tell the truth. The same goes for his friends. Ultimately, don't do anything you don't want to do. Just imagine what hell it is when a jealous husband calls you every 5 minutes to find out where you are and with whom.

"I have a headache"

If you think that you can punish your husband by refusing sex, then this is very bad advice. You are a family, not ordinary roommates. You are not small children to deprive your husband of “sweets” because of any misdeeds. In addition, there are a lot of women around who are almost always in a good mood and don’t have headaches. You will only have yourself to blame for this.

"I am a superwife"

No matter how strange it may sound, men are afraid of women who care too much about their husbands. Sometimes we ourselves choose for him a tie, clothes that will be worn during the day, we advise what is worth doing and what should be abandoned. Excessive guardianship imposes female superiority on a man, which will cause his resistance. Therefore, when a man says “I myself”, do not insist too much. Don't make him look like a small child in front of people.

We are all not perfect, so be more tolerant of each other and try to make concessions. And most importantly, to change someone, try to change yourself first.

To understand how to approach a person with a difficult character, be sure to study sign language.

Do you find it difficult to find a common language with your partners? Can't convince your boss to give you time off while your colleague is constantly taking advantage of your superiors? There is no need to despair, everything is in your hands.

How to find an approach to a person?

When you meet your interlocutor, the first thing you do is exchange glances with him. Try to look at the person with maximum kindness, do not hide your eyes, do not look away to the side. If you are nervous, it will immediately become noticeable, and others may think that you are trying to hide something or even deceive.

Calmness and self-confidence are automatically transferred to the interlocutor and put him in the right mood. Here are some key rules to help you communicate.

Remember the name of the interlocutor and contact him individually.
Don't forget to smile. A pleasant, light smile will emphasize your friendliness and create an atmosphere of trust and relaxation. A smiling person cannot cause negativity in the interlocutor.
Show sincere interest in the problem that currently concerns the person you want to approach. This way he will understand that he is important to you.
Always congratulate your colleagues and family on the holidays. This will give them joy on a subconscious level. To avoid forgetting about important dates, create reminders in your mobile phone calendar.
Give your interlocutor an opportunity to speak out. No one likes to be constantly interrupted and distracted from the main topic of conversation.

Even if your interests do not coincide, you can try to find something positive and interesting in a person.

Use the above techniques, and very soon you will notice that your communication skills have improved significantly, and those around you have begun to perceive you in a completely different way.

Communication mistakes

To find an approach to people quickly and easily, avoid basic mistakes that can ruin all your efforts. Pay attention to your facial expressions and gestures. Do not keep your arms crossed - this closed posture will reveal your excitement and, on a subconscious level, will negatively affect the interlocutor.

The topic of this article is how to find an approach to a child; it is important not only to understand how to find an approach to a child, but also to implement this approach in life.

Finding an approach to children is not as easy as we would like. This is a little man, in this article we are talking exclusively about children under 13 years old. From the age of 13, this is no longer a child, but a teenager, and this must be taken into account.

Children require a lot of patience and endurance from adults, but adults, as a rule, behave like children, since they do not have enough patience to find an approach to children, it is easier for them to yell at a child or simply hit him, if only he would stop doing what is undesirable for parents is easier, but it is fraught with negative consequences.

Treat your child as your equal

Children are people just like you, just small. If he has less experience behind him, or knowledge, or years of experience, this does not mean that you are somehow better than him. It is important to treat children as equals and value and respect them.

Now in many families there is a tendency that children are not people at all, they know little, and therefore their point of view should not be taken into account.

This is mistake. If you respect a child and treat him as an equal, he feels it and respects and values you the same way, he gets used to this feeling in the future, when he grows up, he does not allow himself to be treated disrespectfully, he knows how to defend his point of view, become independent and independent.

Screaming doesn't help

Yell at the kids
It's worth it. This is ineffective for many reasons. First of all, it’s your health and nerves, and a child especially at an early age will deliberately do something to which you react by screaming.

The child wants attention when he behaves quietly, you don’t pay attention to him, but when he plays around and gets angry, you’re right there. Children immediately see how to attract attention.

Therefore, the best way to approach your child is to pay attention to him and reward him with praise when he does things you want, and when he does undesirable things for you, simply ignore it and not pay attention to the child’s pampering.

Spoiled child

To prevent children from growing up spoiled, their whims should not be satisfied. When a child tries to get something from you by crying, you should under no circumstances give it to him, because he will remember it and will do it every time. The child will roar and cry every time to get what he wants.

When a child grows up, he will transfer this relationship with his parents to other people and the world. But the world and other people certainly won’t give the child what he wants, no matter whether he cries or not.

Excessive attention is also the reason why children are spoiled, too much attention should also not be given to children, of course, as they grow up, especially up to 3-4 years old, they need to pay this attention, but then when they grow up, they need to be given more freedom so that children can plunge into life .

Assault

Never raise your hand to children. This is strictly prohibited; such a child will remember this for the rest of his life and will dislike you. Relationships will be undermined. Even if it grows deep inside in the subconscious, this pain will be present and will manifest itself in different ways and negatively affect the relationship between the child and the parents.

Assault can traumatize a child’s psyche, and he can grow up to be either a sadist or a masochist, or both. Of course, in the future such children will also raise their own children in a similar way. Do you remember , the child is equal to you, but they don’t raise their hand to equals

Nobody owes anyone anything

It is important to understand that you do not owe anyone anything and the child does not owe you anything. He came into this life to live it the way he wants it, and not how you see it. Don't demand anything from your children and don't force them to do anything. You won't be nice by force. It’s better to give the child more love and freedom, support and help where necessary, but you shouldn’t control the child’s every step and demand something from him.

Stop expecting anything from your children - you will be disappointed, children should not be like you or live in accordance with yours. , they must be themselves and live the way they choose. All you have to do is help them.

The child needs to be taught efficiency and independence

It is important that the child acts more independently, and not that you do everything for him. He needs to learn to accept on his own and live in accordance with them. You just need to guide the child a little and be there and support him if he stumbles.

It is also important to explain to children that in life only results are important, not effort, what is important is what the result will be in the end. If you try, but you don’t succeed, then who needs that effort?

It is important to explain that you don’t need to try, but just take it and do it. Teach children to do, not try and achieve results, and ultimately on their own.

Conclusions:

you need to treat the child as an equal, he is the same person as you, and you are no better or worse than the child;
There is no point in yelling at children; it is better to praise what you like and ignore what is undesirable for you;
excessive attention is also harmful, this does not apply to very young children;
you should not pay attention to the whims of children, otherwise they will grow up helpless, accustomed to getting what they want by whims;
You should never raise your hand to children;
Teach children to make independent decisions in life, act and achieve results.

If the reader has any question, you can always ask it in the comments under this article.

The bitter truth: there are no universal recipes for communicating with clients. There are only lessons learned from specific precedents. As part of the Changellenge >> Winter School, EY Director Olga Odintsova shared stories from her experience. She shared what worked in her practice and what didn't, and explained what to pay attention to the next time you meet with a client.

In communication with the client the only thing you can more or less rely on is the number of hours spent with him at the same table, and the number of years in the environment that unites you. Simply put, experience. Simply put, experience. As practice shows, attempts to read people and their thoughts do not always lead to success.

What you need to know about the client

From a formal point of view, a client is a legal entity that has an issue that requires analysis and solution. But such an attitude will not help you in any way when communicating with client representatives. We must always remember that any business is communication at the H2H (human to human) level. Forms of communication can be very different, but questions will always come from a specific person. The decision about whether to buy your project will also be made by a specific person or group of people.
As complex as the corporate world may seem, it is still a world run by people. Each of these people is a separate unit, a point, surrounded by a huge number of psychosocial circles: life experience, self-awareness, family, friends, acquaintances, school, university, work, the country in which the person lives. When communicating with a person, you communicate with all his circles, since they influence him to one degree or another. In the modern world, getting to know a person’s personal pages on social networks already allows you to get to know him in absentia and get an idea about him before meeting .
Your client is also his specialty, the department in which he works, the company and its corporate culture, the industry. Marketers are different from financiers, people from the oil business are different from those who work in IT. All this is obvious, but not every consultant tries to understand these differences and use them as an advantage.
Various personality classification models, such as DISC, MBTI and many others. But you shouldn't take them as entertainment. If you have already taken it, learn to understand them. Learn how to differentiate personality types and how to communicate with each of them .
However, even if you think you know how to ideally communicate with a client, there is always the factor of the moment. You might just show up at the wrong time. It's not so easy to be at the right time with the right agenda. You can, perhaps, avoid such incidents in the same only way - to know the client well and communicate with him for a long time and carefully .

Remember what you are for

It happens that a meeting between a client and a consultant can leave the impression that the consultant needs the project more than the client. However, in reality, everything is a little different: the client agrees to a meeting if the consultant was able to generate interest in him or he has a question, which means, despite possible prejudices, you need each other equally.
The specific purpose of a potential or current project often depends on who exactly your customer is. Shareholders, for example, need results: The ineffective must become effective. But if one of the managers buys your services, there are situations when this is done in order to get an ally in you. Keep this in mind if you do not want to give the client an answer that was not expected from you. It is better to discuss in advance what the result of your work will be.
If you don’t remember these features of business communication, you can end up in a very awkward situation. Imagine: you present a project to a client with a solution that will increase business efficiency, but the client refuses to accept it. What if, once upon a time, he himself had something to do with the inefficiency you discovered? In such a situation, it is important that the solution you propose is a continuation of the previously taken course, and not a complete abandonment of it.
What’s more important is that you don’t need to praise yourself to the client, shout about what you can do and what you will achieve. If you really want to sell yourself successfully, first explain why you are interested in the project. Then the client will understand what result he can count on and why he should entrust the solution to the issue to you. No matter how sentimental it may sound, you need to reach not only the brain, but also the heart.

What to do if a client has complaints about your work

Your customer is a living person with his own experiences; his dissatisfaction is not always connected specifically with your work. To know what the real problem is, try get into the client's position and find out the reason for his objections. Perhaps this situation can be avoided altogether by providing preliminary results, discussing findings in advance, or even simply communicating with the client’s team. Everyone, from managers to assistants and assistants, can help you understand what the client expects from you and what you can expect.
If you have made a mistake, under no circumstances don't make excuses. It's like pouring gasoline on a fire and thinking it will put it out. It is important to leave the initiative in your own hands. To do this, pause, wait for the client to express his point of view, assure him that you understand his confusion, get to the very core of the problem. Be sure to put yourself in his position and make every effort to smooth out, or better yet, correct the situation. And be sure to apologize.
If the reason for the client’s dissatisfaction is the result of the work of your colleagues, under no circumstances don't start blaming them and don't support the accusations. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding, perhaps it was an emotional reaction. In any case, you need to assume that your team consists of smart and respected professionals. You would probably want your colleagues to do the same to you in a similar situation.

What irritates the client

The worst thing you can do is be late for a meeting.. Especially when the client has already told your colleagues about the essence of the problem and now he will have to repeat the same thing again. This is as if you are telling the client that he is not important to you.
It’s also not a good idea to come unprepared., otherwise what is the point of the meeting? Make sure that everything works: the projector, the computer, that all links in the presentation open.
Keep it short and to the point—just enough to make your idea clear. Take your time, give the client time to understand your offer. And definitely ask questions to make sure you understand each other correctly.

How to have a successful meeting

Personal meetings are the most important stage of a relationship with a client. It is during them that an impression of you is formed, which will then be very difficult to change. Prepare thoroughly: Study the materials for the upcoming meeting, conduct an analysis of the market and what competitors are doing, try to learn as much as possible about the area in which the client operates. Projects and the fate of a business will not be entrusted to a person who does not understand basic things for the industry.
They meet you by their clothes, remember? That's why It’s important to take a responsible approach to choosing your wardrobe. Do not wear things that look sloppy, are overly simple, or are out of line with business ethics. Your task is to look on par with the client in order, on the one hand, to make a pleasant impression, and on the other, not to make him feel uncomfortable.
In any situation maintain chain of command. All clients have their own character and their own negotiating style: some communicate extremely correctly, others adhere to a more aggressive manner. Don't give in to provocations. Politeness in any situation is a manifestation of professionalism.
At the first meeting, the most important thing is to understand what tasks are within the project and what exactly the client wants from you (sometimes he needs help to formulate them). It is important to be discerning, formulate questions clearly and not be afraid to clarify: “So, am I correct in understanding that we need to do the following?” Otherwise, you risk finding yourself in a situation where you and the client have different understandings of tasks and goals and you will solve the wrong problem.
To avoid forgetting anything and not missing important information, lead written summary. If you understand that important issues will be discussed at the meeting, ask permission to record the meeting. Just remember: not every person is comfortable speaking with the recorder on.

How to end a meeting

One last important tip. The only one a good way to end a meeting is to repeat what was agreed upon, before saying goodbye. If you don't say anything at the end of the conversation, you may not have agreed on anything. And of course, duplicate the agreements in a letter: send the client a follow up on the meeting and ask them to confirm that you have recorded everything correctly and have not forgotten anything. This way you will be sure that the interests of all parties are respected.

So, you are parents and your task is to raise your child.. It would seem that everything is clear, but the question is how do you do it? Do you negotiate or shout, push with authority or let everything take its course, give up or look for points of mutual understanding.

If you haven’t decided on your parenting strategy yet or none of the ones you’ve chosen have worked before, don’t worry. There is an exit! Find out how to find an approach to a child and remove the issue of obedience from the agenda in our material today.

Parents in search

A little history. Perhaps every parent remembers stories about how before, when there were many children in the family, they were not really treated on ceremony. The head of the family was the parent, his word was indisputable, and his authority could not be doubted even in his thoughts.

Now everything has changed exactly the opposite - the child has become the main value in the family, and we, parents, invest the maximum in him. We try to give the best, develop talents, not limit his choice and in no way put pressure.

Is all this easy for us? No, because at any age, when you need a child to simply obey. But how to achieve this?

Family relationship specialist François Sengly explains: “In the modern family, the concept of parental authority has been devalued. In our families they don’t say “As I said, so it will be” and on the one hand this is good. But what to do with impulsive children's emotions and desires? Some parents, who are rightly confident that shouting, threats and spanking will not solve the problem, simply do not know how to stop the child in any other way.”

It is really not so easy to achieve obedience from a child in the era of free education. In the combat arsenal of parents there are various:

cajoling “Let’s do this, now you collect your toys, and I’ll give you candy”;
trade “Either you now eat every last crumb or I won’t buy you a new toy”;
blackmail “If you don’t do your homework, you can forget about computer games”;
persuasion “Please, I beg you, clean up your room.”

Having become a teenager, a child raised in such unconstructive conditions will feel his unquestioned power and will begin to take full advantage of his special position.

Education methods

Finding the golden mean and balance are the basic rules for success both in life in general and in education in particular.

Your helpers are kindness and constructiveness. Your opponents are meaningless prohibitions and coercions.

We have also prepared 6 simple helping rules for you:

1. Clear requests . “Clean up the room” is a very vague requirement, and if the child is not in the mood for work (and most often this is the case), he may not pay attention to it, because he does not understand where to start. Create a cleanup routine by first saying, “Pick up the books off the floor,” and then asking (or demanding) something else to be done.

2. "I-statements" . “You are a terrible lazy person”, “It’s impossible to talk to you”, “You don’t want to do anything” - such comments in no way motivate the child and do not help you establish communication at all. At first he will be offended, and then he will completely stop paying attention to them. Magic “I-statements”, for example, “It’s difficult for me to be with you”, “I’m tired today, could you please...” sound more respectful, so the child will be able to hear them and try to change something in himself.

3. Emphasis on the positive . Saying, “I wish you would respect your parents more” is better than saying, “I wish you would stop fighting with us.” In the phrases “don’t scream” or “don’t cry,” the particle “not” is poorly perceived by the brain and you get the exact opposite result - even more screaming or tears. Form phrases correctly and always do it!

4. Sincere praise . Both children and adults want to be loved, respected and recognized. Notice his actions, choices, decisions, this will allow you not to lose his trust. And see point 3 - focus on the positive. You shouldn’t think, much less say, “there’s nothing even to praise him for”! Got up on time, spent less time at the computer, didn’t stain your clothes, smiled kindly and didn’t grumble back at you - all this also counts! The less often you do this, the fewer real reasons there will be for this.

5. Embrace .Children vitally need tactile contact. If a child avoids hugs, it means he is afraid of you or is offended for something. Be sure to talk frankly about the reasons for this behavior, and if the child does not have problems or negativity, hug to your heart’s content! Even if the child has grown up and does not want to be cuddled, touching the hand, patting the shoulder, ruffling the hair is always acceptable, always pleasant and always helps communication.

6. Personal example . None of our advice or your moralizing will work if you yourself do not do what you require of your child. You are the main example for your son or daughter; he will do what he sees, and not what you say. If you want him to eat right, be interested in studies or play sports - do it yourself! If you want him to be attentive and open, communicate respectfully with the little person from childhood, be interested in his opinion, listen to his advice.

Do you have your own educational tricks? Share your finds in the comments to the material.