Carbon dioxide statuses about life. The most outrageous statuses
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Mothers love their children more than fathers because they are more sure that these are their children...
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A well-mannered and decent girl will never call first!... but with SMS she will get even the dead!
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Of course, laughter is the best medicine. But not with diarrhea!
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online - one word that can make your heart beat faster...
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A little girl plays in the sandbox. A man comes up to her and says: - Hello girl, what are you doing? She replies: - Fuck you! - And with a pen on the ass!? - And with a shovel on the fuck!?
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I remember how my mother took me to first grade and I remember how my father carried me to graduation!)
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-Who teaches your son to say such nasty things?!! - Fuck, who knows?
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A foreign point system has been introduced, that is, A, B, C, D, E. The teacher explains in class: - If you write the exam poorly, you will receive an E point. Voice from the back desks: - Are you threatening us?
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And here’s another horror story: you’re walking around the city with your parents, and you’re met by drunken friends, and you think, “If only they wouldn’t say hello!”
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"Where have you been?" The husband answers: “At a bar with friends, spent the night at a friend’s house.” The wife calls 10 best friends: he spent the night with 6 people, he still sleeps with 4...
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When I undressed, Pasha started laughing and didn’t stop until he hit him on the back with a stool...
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I'm the only one who cares about this question: Where are all the women in the city going at 7 am?!
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The heart wants love, but the ass... but the ass doesn’t want anything, there have been enough adventures since last time))
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- Honey, I’m not wearing panties! - Olya, are you stupid? How can you forget to put on panties?
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The Russian language is great and powerful, and the rhyme for the word STAR always pops into my head the same...
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Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I hurt your eyes again?
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There is no heel on the shoe... the skirt is slightly torn... I broke 7 nails... God, where did I drink so much??
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Oh what a couple! F*ck and shmara
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God created a woman... looked and said... “Okay... put on makeup.”
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The socks have the hardest job... they really are on their feet all day!)
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Good girls understand geographical maps, bad - in gambling, smart - in credit)
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Colorblind Vasya is still confident that he solves the Rubik's Cube in 10 seconds!
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IN happy family the wife thinks that the money is taken from the nightstand, the husband thinks that the food is taken from the refrigerator, and the children think that it was found in the cabbage.
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The inspector waved his stick at me. But he was ugly, and I didn’t stop. Nothing would have worked out for us anyway...
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Don't bring out the bitch in me! She doesn't get enough sleep anyway!
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Stsuko! It was necessary to think of this in response to the parents’ playfully provocative question: “Dimochka, have you ever smoked in your life?”, answer: “What exactly?” o_o
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The mother of 11 children said that she is only missing Aquarius to complete the collection!
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Dad, why can’t children watch this film? - Sit quietly... now you’ll see for yourself.
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It is very easy to become a drug addict, alcoholic, or prostitute! It’s enough not to say hello to the grandmothers near the entrance!
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If I ever die because of a man, it will only be from laughing!
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All the same, women live by one motto: “love cannot be used,” but where to put a comma, everyone chooses for herself...
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The sexiest number is 21593, because when two (2) people think about one (1), then in a maximum of five (5) weeks they will understand that in nine (9) months there will already be (3) of them...
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Five stages of relationships: 1) ah... 2) well... 3) fuck... 4) nah... 5) oh God, how could I date him?!
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Sometimes cellulite makes you happy when it’s on your butt new girl ex-boyfriend
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When you sit down at the computer, you also don’t know where to put your feet?
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Mom and Dad wanted me to get better. Well, the point has come out, but the stupidity remains
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We can hold back pain, tears, anger, love, but it’s impossible to hold back laughter :))
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It was a very strange forest. First I went mushroom picking. Then they follow me
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SATURDAY! Today we can do anything!!! Cinema, wine and dominoes. Striptease, cruise, any whim! stockings, lipstick, heels! Hold on, bitches-men!))
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I love coming to the school playground and watching the hectic running of the children with their crazy screams and screams. How do they, foolish ones, know that I shoot blanks?
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Hello, police, come urgently, they are trying to rape me... la... la... okay, don’t come.
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Has anyone told you that you are very beautiful? No? Damn, how honest everyone is!
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We came up with the idea of coughing loudly to make farting quieter!!
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He fell to his knees in front of me and said: “F*ck, it’s slippery...”
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Do you know, honey, what shit is? So it’s like jam compared to my life...
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At first, girls are interested in dolls, and boys are interested in cars. And then - vice versa.
Perhaps the most funny statuses on the website Statusy-Tut.ru! When you want to amuse your friends, look at Statuses-Here and you will find funny statuses for classmates, in contact or for others social networks. The main thing is not to lose heart, because you can always find positive statuses, thanks to which you will cheer up those around you, and gray everyday life will suddenly sparkle with new colors. Our most funny statuses will help make any princess Nesmeyana laugh, and now she is already laughing with you, and together you read laughing statuses for classmates on Statuses-Tut.ru! This is not surprising, because laughter, jokes, a positive and cheerful attitude prolong life, help maintain good relationships and make it easier to look at the world. Our funniest statuses about everything and everyone will give you the opportunity to stand out from the crowd of gloomy and dissatisfied Internet users. Funny quotes and sayings will definitely cheer up everyone who is lucky enough to see them. The funniest statuses are here! Let's choose a status together!
Selected funny statuses!
For us funny statuses do not imply a frivolous approach, since we monitor the quality of our content extremely carefully. Funny statuses will surely please your friends and cheer you up. Positive Quotes as a status will reflect your positive attitude in life and will delight everyone who sees them. In any situation, the main thing is to always think positively, and even if your day is not going well in the morning, come visit us and read our carbon monoxide statuses and you yourself will not notice how the situation will change in your favor. Everyone knows that life is like a zebra - today the stripe is white, and tomorrow it is black. Let the pessimists think so, but you and I are optimists, because on our Odnoklassniki and VKontakte pages we have our very funny statuses!The funniest statuses!
Does your significant other dream of celebrating the New Year on the seashore, and the heat being +30? Our humorous statuses will help you take your companion's thoughts in a different direction. Are your parents tormented by conversations about a summer cottage and are already purchasing seeds in December? Our funny statuses about spring will help you, make them laugh. You can judge a person by his sense of humor. You don't want your friends to think you're a fan of Petrosyan or the Ponomarenko brothers? Then our statuses with humor will help you. And let them just say that Ivan Urgan is simply handsome, now he has serious competition in you.Funny statuses here!
Therefore, it’s a small matter: go to the appropriate section of the site, find carbon dioxide statuses and post them on your site. Just a few minutes of pleasant work, and a witty quote will appear on your page. And the fact that the work of finding funny statuses is really pleasant cannot even be disputed. After all, along the way you will definitely look at more than a dozen funny quotes, which will certainly delight you with excellent humor and charge you with an excellent mood. Positive people They really love funny statuses. Because funny statuses are very simple, but incredible effective remedy to lift the spirits of everyone around you. It's so easy to choose funny quote and post it as a status on your page. Everyone who visits your page will certainly pay attention to your status and, at a minimum, smile. But this is already a lot! That's why funny statuses are so popular. It would seem that just one or two lines of text, and the mood is already in the positive. This is the whole essence and meaning of funny sayings and sayings.On Saturday I decided to put the cat on a diet, otherwise she had become too fat. And today she gave birth. What are you willing to do for food?!
Honey, I'm on a diet, so I'll only eat lobsters, truffles, lobsters. Why waste time on trifles, eat the money right away!
If your husband cheated on you, before leaving him, give him a laxative mixed with Viagra... Let this male shit himself with happiness on your rival!
Lord, do not let me fall into the computer abyss, into Internet addiction, save me and protect me from the misfortunes of ICQ, from contact sin, give me the strength to refrain from the temptation of linear and Warcraft. Convince my sinful soul to leave this depraved womb.
Does cabbage help enlarge breasts? Yes, if you put 2 heads of cabbage in your bra.
“Build your own house in the village!” - every second carton of milk contains a brick.
Honey, calm down. If you really want to become a star, sit your butt on the top of the tree and start shining, my love!
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All day long I dream about you, and this is not a lie... Hurry to you, hurry to you... my beloved sofa!
The most intoxicating statuses - Today I was running after a minibus, tripped and fell into a puddle. A man walked nearby and asked: “Do you think swimming will be faster?”
One friend told me: he was coming home from work, carrying a can of gold paint in his bag - he was decorating a stand at work. And then a gypsy woman comes up to him and brazenly demands: “Golden your pen!” I think what happened next is already clear.
During the day, she is an ordinary girl on a diet. But as soon as darkness falls on the city, she enters the cool darkness of the kitchen - the Woman with a Spoon.
Like such a charming, kind, beautiful girl, no boyfriend? - He died of happiness...
I got you in last time I ask, when will you pay me back? - Thank God that you won’t ask these stupid questions anymore.
Your boyfriend is now mall he’s walking with some fat chick, I’m following them, I’ll write if anything happens. Actually, it's me with him.
Aunt Masha! And I’m your Galya... - So get married! - No, I ran over her with a tractor...
And I am my beloved New Year put a gift under the tree! - What is she? - And she’s still looking for him: the taiga is big!
Having matured is when you are no longer afraid of the pain at the dentist, but of the bill!
When I see him walking with her, I want to speak in poetry... - Pushkin? - No, Chukovsky: The gorilla is coming, the crocodile is leading...
Russia is a unique country. After all, only we have a black and white TV set “Rainbow”, handcuffs “Tenderness”, a chainsaw “Friendship”, tear gas “Cheryomukha” and missiles “Mir”.
The little girl, dancing tectonics, had no idea that she was calling the deaf-mute boy standing opposite her obscene names.
That's it, I never expected to see a bitten cactus on my desktop after a corporate party...
The cat had a blast. There was no money, I couldn’t buy food for two days, I was starving, and so was he. This morning I wake up, on the floor in front of the bed there are three sparrows lying in a row, and a happy cat is sitting behind them, seeing that I woke up, he moved one closer to me with his paw, they say, this is your master, eat it...
When I was studying at a technical school, I walked there past the “waste products” store. I didn’t dare to go in.
It is difficult to find, easy to lose and impossible to restore all contacts... Your SIM card.
Any loot that goes past my wallet is illegal!!!
How far have we come? I send SMS from my computer and chat on ICQ from my phone. All that remains is to start making calls from the camera and watching movies from the coffee grinder.
You only feel like a failure when, getting out of bed at night, you think that there is a cat in front of you, you step over the cat, you trip over another cat, you fall and at the same time you realize that the first cat was a slipper.
To hell with glue, grass, hashish, vodka and chemicals. We are already rushing through life. We've been like this since childhood!
Marital duty is a serious thing: if you're rude, you won't get enough sleep.
When my mother saw my light elf in LA2, her first phrase was: “Their ears like these would make excellent jellied meat!”
The wife came home drunk, and so that her husband wouldn’t notice, she quickly opened her laptop and sat there with a smart smile. Her husband says to her: “Drunko, close your suitcase and go to bed!”
My character is soft, soft, like a hedgehog.
Now the client called and said: “A Trojan horse and 7 pieces of suspicious substances were found on my computer.” This horse tried... Tell him to move the mouse more carefully, otherwise it will smear and get dirty!”
Nowadays, the words “Don’t be a wimp, be a man!” It is women who tell themselves much more often...
I'm on the train home. There are three people in my compartment: me, my grandmother and a 3-4 year old child. But all day they hung out in the next one, with their company, I sat alone. Evening 21-00. It's time for the child to sleep. Grandma brings him into the compartment. I'm lying quietly on the top shelf, playing PDA. The child lies down in his seat, and the grandmother begins to read him a fairy tale. Then they turned on the air conditioning and I sneezed. The child jumps up, eyes the size of two apples, indescribable horror on his face! He points his finger at me and shouts to the whole carriage: “Grandma, who is this?!” The grandmother so calmly, apparently not for the first time: “This is an uncle, he’s riding in the compartment with us, he’s good.” The child angrily: “Why is he in our compartment?!” I had already begun to slide from laughter to the bottom shelf. Grandmother: “That’s right, they’re traveling in a compartment with other people!” And here is the phrase of the day. Child: “Grandma, kill uncle!”... I didn’t know what to do, laugh or be afraid...
I worked hard today, and realized that today was Friday only when at 4 o’clock, shouting “Whoever is last is a sucker!” The director ran away.
