Funny jokes for a woman's birthday. Funny birthday greetings

IN Perhaps some jokes are old, but what is rich...
On April Fool's Day, April 1, our imagination of jokes is limitless and has no limits, but some jokes and gags require technical support.

Mug with a patch

This joke can be repeated, you just need to print the patch on a printer and discreetly glue the homemade patch to the mug on the eve of April 1st.

The patch is cut out with scissors and glued with your own hands using synthetic glue or double tape to the bottom of the mug. Remember to respect left-handed and right-handed orientation.

Having prepared in advance, catch a photo moment with a mug - a pig.

At the same time, you can use the printer to prepare various signs for the door handle, but you can also buy these in the store.

Jokes with computer mice.

Three very simple computer mouse jokes for April Fool's Day. Gags are only suitable for laser mice. After being pinned, mice retain their functionality.

2. Draw on masking tape bold point. Cut it out with scissors. Carefully cover the laser diode window with this point. Now the sticker is completely invisible, both when the LED is on and off. To restore mouse functionality, carefully remove the obstruction.

3. Take a strip of paper and write on it “From April 1.” Open the battery compartment and insert a piece of paper between the battery contacts. The mouse has become inoperable. An advanced user opens the battery compartment and sees the inscription...

You can also use a live white mouse instead of a regular mouse... but this is not suitable for everyone)))

Flash drive condom...

We cut off a corner, inserted a flash drive there and plugged it into the computer... from a distance it looks original)))

Rearranging the keys on the keyboard...

To rearrange the keys, we will make a small device from thin steel wire in the form of two short hooks. With our own hands we place the hooks under the desired key and lift it up. We do the same with the second key. We put the keys in new places and press them to the socket. To quickly rearrange the keys, practice on your keyboard first. You shouldn’t get carried away with rearranging the keys; it’s better to change two adjacent keys, which won’t be immediately noticed... just don’t break your laptops...)))

Colored tap water

You need to either tint the faucet divider with liquid dye, or take the difficult but effective route: unscrew the faucet divider and put a food coloring tablet there. The effect will be longer lasting. For a terrifying effect, you can choose a red dye.

You can also change the contents of the boxes and enjoy...

The shampoo is broken...

Why doesn't the shampoo flow? There's a cellophane plug...

How to drink Cola correctly?!

Teacher:
- Your son is weak in geography!
- No problem. You can't go far with our income.

Student to teacher:
- Should someone be punished for something they didn't do?
- Of course no! Under no circumstances!
- Fine. I didn't do my homework...

A teacher has nothing to eat with one job, but when working two jobs, he has no time.

Mom, yesterday in class we measured who has the longest pussy. And mine is the longest!
- Well, that’s right, son, you’re a teacher.

The teacher asked me to write 100 times at home: I will never say “you” to the teacher again.
The next day, the teacher checks the notebook, looks, and Vovochka wrote this sentence not 100, but 200 times.
- I asked you to write not 200, but 100 times, why did you do it more?
- I wanted to please you.

In the family of a Trudovik and a literature teacher, a child reads a new poem on a new stool for every holiday.

Teacher:
- Hello, sit down. Lesson topic: “The period (just try to laugh!) of puberty.”

Vovochka returns from . His father asks him:
- Well, what did you do in drawing class today?
- We drew mom.
- How, again?! You drew pictures of mothers in the last and the lesson before last?
- Well, I don’t know - the teacher comes in and says: “Draw quickly, motherfucker!”...

The teacher explains to the students the rules of good manners:
- A man always walks up the stairs in front of a lady.
Do any of you know why?
Vovochka raises his hand:
- Because the lady doesn’t know what floor he lives on.

Conflicts with teachers at school? Problems with parents? ? Don't worry! You are not alone! YOU ARE ZERO AT ALL!!!

Teacher:
- Sidorov, don’t come to school tomorrow without your parents!
Sidorov:
- And the day after tomorrow?

Teacher in class:
- Peter!
- A!

- Well 5...
- What a fool! You won't make an engineer. Vasya!
- A!
- The leg is in the ass! Stand up when you talk to the teacher! How much is 2+2?
- Well 3...
- What a fool! You won't make an engineer. Vovochka!
- Marya Ivanovna, 2+2 = 4

Teacher's Day: jokes, gags, anecdotes © depositphotos

Catch comic congratulations on Teacher's Day, interesting stories, funny jokes And funny scenes from school life from tochka.net, with which you can prank teachers, cheer them up and bring them to tears... from laughter!

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Read, choose, play on Teacher's Day comic scenes, laugh yourself, give fun and joy to teachers and students. After all, as they say, laughter prolongs life! And the comic skits performed by students at the beginning of the lesson on Teacher’s Day 2017 can extend the lesson itself...

Teacher's Day: what to give to a teacher

Sveta, why weren’t you at school yesterday?
- I gave the teacher a gift.
- Which present?
- It was her birthday yesterday, and I decided - let her take a break from me!

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Teacher's Day: comic scenes from the lives of schoolchildren

Masha, the teacher asks during the lesson, wake up your neighbor at your desk.
- Why me? It was you who put him to sleep!

Uncle, you are probably a teacher?
- Why did you decide that, boy?
- Because before you sat down on the chair, you examined it carefully...

At school during recess:
- Tolik, why are you chewing on your pen?
- Bad habit, but I can’t help it.
- Your habit for school is continuous expenses!
Quickly move away from the door and sit down!

- For what?
- I broke the glass.
Father went. The next day the son says:
- Dad, they are calling you to school.
- For what?
- I burned down the chemistry room.
Father went again. The next day the son says again:
- Dad, they are calling you to school.
- Again? Tired of it! I won't go to your school anymore!
- Well, that’s right, why wander around the ruins!

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September 1, 1st grade.
The teacher says:
- Children, you have come to school. You need to sit here quietly,
and if you want to ask a question, you need to raise your hand.
Petya reaches out his hand...
- Do you want to ask something, Petya?
- No, I'm just checking how the system works.

During the lesson, the teacher asks the class:
- And now each of you will stand up and say who is the eldest in his family.
Seryozha gets up:
- Great-great-great-great-grandmother.
- But this is impossible!
- It's possible.

The teacher asks Andrey:
- Why are you late?
- I was attacked by hooligans and robbed.
- What did they take from you?
- A notebook with homework and a diary...

Two schoolchildren are communicating:
- Igorek, lend me 5 bucks!
- Are you sure you’ll give it back?
- Yes, the day of the Internet will not be seen!!!

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On September 1, the Minister of Finance visited the financial college,
Minister of Defense - Suvorov Military School,
Minister of Culture - College of Arts,
Minister of the Interior - school of werewolves.

The teacher is asked:
- What are three reasons why you love your job?
- June July August...

Teacher's Day: jokes in physics class

The teacher explains in class:
- All bodies shrink from cold and increase from heat.
Give an example.
Petya gets up:
- In winter the days are shorter...

Teacher's Day: jokes in a foreign language lesson

I speak Russian, English, German fluently...
Although in other lessons too!

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Sasha, why are you teaching so poorly? English language?
- What for?
- What do you mean why? After all, half the world speaks this language!
- Is this really not enough?

Teacher's Day: Jesterki in physical education class

Everyone keep quiet! Hands behind head! Fast! Feet shoulder width apart!
- This is a robbery?!
- Come on, this is a physical education lesson!

Teacher's Day: jokes in history class

Today we have test.
- Can I use a calculator?
- Can. Write down the topic: “Abolition of serfdom.”

Teacher's Day: comic skits in a geography lesson

Seryozha, please answer, how many parts of the world do we have?
- Marivanna, everyone already knows!
- And you name it.
- Two!
- …??
- That light and this light...

Teacher's Day © depositphotos

During a geography lesson, the teacher explains to Slava how to find parts of the world using a compass.
- Do you see the arrow? To the right of it is the east, to the left is the west, ahead is the north.
What's behind you?
Slava blushed and muttered through his tears:
- I told mom that you will still notice the hole in my pants!

The teacher scolds the class attendant:
“Why is the board dirty, the rag dry, and there’s dust on the globe,” he points his finger?
“This is not dust,” says the duty officer. - There, under your finger, is the Sahara Desert.

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Teacher's Day: jokes in math class

Nadya, answer, if 1 + 1 = 2, and 2 + 2 = 4, then how much is 4 + 4?
- Well, where is the justice?! Tatyana Ivanovna,
you always answer the easy questions, but I get the hard ones.

Fraction topic. Teacher:
- Kirill, how to divide four potatoes among five people?
- Don't know…
- Sit down, two! Nastya, same question!
- Don't know…
- Deuce! Borya, so how do we divide the four potatoes?
- We need to cook mashed potatoes!

Two students communicate with each other. One says:
- I don’t know how to trust our math...
Yesterday she said that 6 + 4 = 10, and today that 7 + 3 also = 10...

Teacher's Day: jokes in literature class

Essay topic: “If I were the director of a company...”
Everyone is writing diligently, only Igor is looking out the window.
- Why don’t you write?
- And I'm waiting for the secretary!