Cool for children 9 years old. Funny jokes for children
***Very funny jokes for children and kindergarten***
Kindergarten. The teacher is standing, with a crowd of children around her. Teacher: - So, kids! Now let's together, loudly, in chorus, once again repeat those bad words that should never be uttered anywhere!
***Jokes about children and teachers to tears***
Announcement at the university: “Male teachers! Don’t smoke on the floor where most of the students are girls, expectant mothers.” At the bottom there is a handwritten note: “Perhaps your children.”
***The newest jokes about children and a programmer***
The son asks the programmer dad: - Dad, where do children come from? - Leave me alone son, I'm busy, ask Yandex!
***Jokes about school and children (6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 years old)***
A tired father of a family returned home after a night work shift. There are a lot of children at home who demand to play with them. - Okay, let's play mausoleum, where I will be Lenin, and you will be the sentries.
***Fresh jokes for children about parts of the world***
Petya, tell me, how many parts of the world are there? - Five, Vasily Petrovich. - List them, please. - One two three four five.
***Jokes about Vovochka and drawing for children***
MaryIvanna at a drawing lesson: - Today Mashenka will draw a rose, Petenka will draw a bunny, Olenka will draw a pussy, and Vovochka will again draw domes, crosses and six diamonds. - MaryVanna, why do I always draw the same thing? - Understand, baby, this will be more useful to you in your future life. So, children, take brushes, and you, Vovochka, take a needle with ink, and let’s draw.
***Jokes about Cheburashka and Gena for children***
Crocodile Gena and Cheburashka wanted to steal a string bag from the window. Cheburashka climbed up, and the crocodile was waiting below. A policeman approaches: - What are you doing here? - We are hanging up gifts for the New Year! - Did you survive, crocodile? - Sorry? Hm. OK. Hey Cheburashka! Take off the gifts!
***Jokes for the New Year about children and a snowman***
Kids, brother and sister, are making a snowman. The boy says:
- Well, that's it, almost ready. I'll run to the kitchen and grab a carrot.
Sister:
- Take two, we’ll do his nose too.
***Children's jokes about children and parents***
Mom is sleeping - she’s tired... I’m the one who got her! I won’t be discouraged... I’ll go get dad!!!
***Jokes for children and adults***
I propose introducing sex education classes in schools. - For what? - Well, we have to somehow lure the children to school!
***Jokes about children and school without swearing***
Children who do well in school have parents who simply remember the school curriculum well.
***Jokes about animals and children***
In a zoology lesson at school: - Children, what is the name of a female tiger? - Tigress. - Right. Vovochka, what is the name of a female leopard? - Borsetka, Maria Ivanovna.
***Jokes for little children***
The grandmother asks her grandson: “Did you throw the colander in the trash?” - I threw it away! - What for? - So he's covered in holes!
***Free jokes about children and poetry***
Children, now Vovochka will read to us Mayakovsky’s poem “A Cloud in Pants”! - What the hell?
***New Year jokes about children and a gift***
Santa Claus, thank you for the gift you brought me.
- It’s nothing, no need for gratitude.
- I think so too, but my mother told me to say so.
***School jokes about children and anthem***
Singing teacher, entering the classroom: - Where is my chair? The class is silent. - Then everyone stand up. We will spend the entire lesson learning the national anthem.
***laughing jokes about children and the yard***
Children in the yard are discussing how they were born: “And a stork brought me in its beak.” - And my mother bought me at the store. - And they found me in the cabbage. Girl with jumping ropes: - You'd think no one fucks in our yard!
***Funny jokes about children and adoption***
Son, it's time to tell me where you came from. - Dad, I know where children come from! The guys in the yard said. - You don’t know a damn thing! Here is the adoption certificate, here is the address of your real parents!
***Jokes and anecdotes for children***
Children, aunt is leaving. What should you say to her goodbye? - God bless!
***Jokes about children and rooster***
There are ten minutes left until the New Year. A drunk guy is running along the road, dragging an empty sled behind him. The guy runs and shouts without turning around:
- It’s okay son, we’ll be home soon!
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Everyone loves to read and listen to jokes - not only adults, but also children. Therefore, today we have selected the funniest children's jokes for ages 10-12, which you can read with your children or tell them to them.
Children's jokes are the funniest
Two boys meet on the street. One reports the news:
— I just had a bad tooth pulled out.
- Well, does it still hurt?
- I don't know.
- How can you not know this?
— But the doctor still has the tooth.
Father says to daughter:
“I wouldn’t dare lie like that at your age!”
— At what age did you start?
One boy says to another:
- My dad is very good.
-Are you telling me this?
- You.
— Just last year he was my dad.
Son to father:
— Dad, when you were at school, were you in the same class with Seryoga’s father?
- Yes.
- This can’t be!
- Why?
- Because he also claims to be the best student in the class.
Teacher scolds student:
- You came again without a pen?! I wonder what you would say if you saw a soldier showing up for training without a weapon?
“I would say that he probably became a general.”
The funniest jokes for children 10-12 years old
- Boy, don’t be a bully, otherwise your dad will grow gray hair!
“My dad will be very happy, he’s completely bald!”
- Ivanov, who did your homework for you: dad or mom?
- I don’t know, I was already asleep.
Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know that the best place to study is in kindergarten!
Hedgehog learned to breathe with his butt. The Fox passes by and the Hedgehog says to her:
- Fox, oh Fox, strangle me!
The fox strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Bear walks by, the Hedgehog says to him:
- Bear, Bear, strangle me!
The bear strangled and strangled, but could not strangle.
The Hedgehog walked like this all day through the forest, and no one could strangle him. The Hedgehog got tired, sat down on a tree stump and choked.
During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.
- Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.
Teacher:
- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.
Children's jokes about Vovochka
During a biology lesson in class, the teacher says:
— The pistil and stamen of flowers are the reproductive organs.
Vovochka from the back desk, sadly:
- Damn, I smell them...
The teacher enters the class and asks Vovochka:
-Where is Seryozha?
- He’s not there, we were playing to see who would lean out of the window next... Well, he won.
Vova, what good deed did you do today?
“And I was seeing my dad off and saw the uncle running after the departing train.” So I let my dog, pit bull Rex, go, and the guy caught the train.
At school:
- Well done, Nikita, a solid five, give me the diary!
- Oh, it seems I forgot it at home...
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Vovochka, let’s say you have 100 rubles. You asked your father for another 100 rubles. How much money will you have in total?
- 100 rubles, Mary Ivanna.
- Too bad, Vovochka, you don’t know math at all!
“And you, Mary Ivanna, don’t know my father at all!”
The little girl was left with her grandmother. In the morning, the child pesters his grandmother: Baba, pray and repent! Well, woman, well, pray and repent! The grandmother is shocked (the truth speaks through the mouth of a baby), goes to church, lights candles,
prays and bows. He comes back, and there is still the same song, pray and repent, pray and repent. The child is already in tears, the grandmother is half-fainting. Everything became clear when the parents returned. The girl asked to play the cartoon Baby and Carlson for her, she just didn’t speak well.
Mom gets her son ready for a hike:
- Here I put you butter, bread and a kilogram of nails.
- But why?
- It’s clear why! Spread butter on bread and eat!
- And the nails?
- Well, here they are, I put them in!
Mom, what is “pi”?
- Well, it's from mathematics. Then you will teach. Where did you hear it?
- Yes, here’s a poem: “And day and night, the learned cat walks around and around.”
10-year-old Polina looks at her newborn brother. The boy has already begun to react to the faces of his loved ones. He looks at his sister carefully and suddenly smiles widely. Polina notes with satisfaction:
- Well, of course he smiles at me. You are adults, and I am a children's team.
5-year-old Maxim and his 4-year-old sister Alisa are eating cabbage salad. After the meal the boy turns to Alice:
- Well, today at afternoon tea you and I were just like goats.
“No,” the girl corrects him. - There's only one goat here. And I'm a bunny.
6-year-old Kirill watches with interest as his father climbs a stepladder to paint the frames. At this moment, the mother approaches the child and says:
- When you grow up, son, you can help dad.
After thinking a little, Kirill asks: “Won’t dad finish painting by then?”
4-year-old Anton enters a subway car with his dad at rush hour.
- Well, let's see if people have a conscience? - the child says out loud.
- How is that? - the father is interested.
“Will they give way to a man with a child, or, as usual, will they lower their eyes,” explains the son.
3.5-year-old Panya is present during her mother’s conversation with the local pediatrician. The doctor, having examined the girl’s older brother, advises: “If the temperature rises, rub him with vodka.” - Vodka? - Panya is surprised. - We don't have vodka. Dad drank all the vodka.
9-year-old Vasya returns with his mother from the store, where they just bought two packs of cookies.
“There are six cookies in each pack,” Vasya thinks out loud. - That makes twelve. There are three children in the family. That makes four cookies per child...
Upon entering the apartment, Vasya sees three pairs of shoes from his older brother’s classmates.
“Mom, don’t tell me that twelve is divisible by six,” Vasya says sadly. - This is beyond my strength.
As children, we didn’t worry about how we should dress - our parents bought all our clothes for us. And now you look at children’s photographs and realize that our parents also didn’t really worry about how to dress us...
Seryozha falls out of his crib at night. Mom runs up to him:
- Serezhenka, what did you hit?
- A bedside rug.
4 year old Allochka says:
- Uncle Kolya, I love you so much that I would tear off your legs.
- What are you talking about, Allochka! For what?!
- And then you would have been little and always played with me.
A boy sat on a tree and cried:
- Take me off, take me off...
And he was very lucky, because in the park where the tree stood, many kind people with cameras were walking.
2 year old Danilka, after hearing a dozen fairy tales, is clearly overloaded with information:
- And dad and I saw the Swan Princess there in the picture. She sat and spinned by the window. And she is no frog!
Granddaughter asks:
- Grandma, how old are you?
- Sixty.
- Show me your fingers!
3 year old Ksenia at the zoo:
- Why do lions live in the desert?
- They have nowhere else to live.
- What, all the cages in the zoo are occupied?
We drive up to the house by car. A two-year-old nephew emphatically states:
- Uncle Zhenya, I know where to go here...
-Where to, Sashenka?
- Straight!
4-year-old Fedor tries to chew a peach pit for several minutes in a row.
- Son! - his father tries to stop him. – The bones must be broken with a stone or a hammer. You could break all your teeth like that.
“Well,” Fyodor answers, “let them grow like iron ones, like our Uncle Grisha’s.”
I was in China. While there was an excursion, a Chinese boy of about 3 years old ran in front of our group, laughed loudly, rolled on the ground and chattered something in his own language.
At our request, the guide translated, he yelled: “Ofieeeee, everyone has one face, eyes like a cow!”
Maxim's father decided to tell the truth about Santa Claus and other fairy-tale characters.
“So, son,” the frank dad begins, “in fact, there is no Santa Claus.” All these years I played his role, and my mother and I bought gifts for you...
“I know, dad,” Maxim interrupts his father. “And you were a stork too, my mother confessed to me.”
- Forward >
It's hard to believe that there is even one person without a sense of humor - it's another matter if we talk about how subtle it is in some people. Humor covers all areas of activity of people.
We joke about literally everything what we see and what happens to us, we joke about representatives of certain professions and nationalities, about relatives and friends, laugh at ourselves and situations, which we find ourselves in.
The main joke themes loved by all children are:
- fairy tales and fairy-tale heroes;
- friends, brothers and sisters;
- school, study;
- animals;
- holidays.
Jokes- a boost of energy for the whole day. Perhaps the most harmless and funniest jokes are related to children; they will make adults and children laugh until they cry. And since the main occupation of children is studying, that’s all the funniest children's jokes are related to school, students and teachers. Anyone can cheer themselves and their friends up by securing a couple of dozen short jokes about school. Here you can find:
- children's jokes about school;
- the funniest jokes about Vovochka;
- the latest school jokes.
Children's jokes about school
Parents ask a first-grader:
- How did you like your first day? Did you like school?
- First? Just don’t tell me that I have to go there again tomorrow!
- Sasha, name me at least one transparent object
- Keyhole, Marya Ivanovna!
After anatomy lesson.
— We heard that Vitya got a bad mark on his test!
- Why?
- For the cheat sheet. The teacher caught him while he was counting his ribs.
— Doctor, my child has strabismus.
- Is it congenital?
- No, from cheating.
- How much will it be if they give you one kitten, plus two kittens and four more kittens?
- Nine.
- Listen more carefully! They gave you one kitten, then two kittens and four more. How much in total?
- Nine.
- Then it’s different! I give you one watermelon, then two and then four more watermelons! How many?
- Eight!
- Here you go! And the kitten, plus two, plus four? How much in total?
- Nine!
- Yes, why?!
— Because I already have one kitten!
- Mom, dad, we wrote at school today!
- Well, read what you wrote?
The son complains to his mother:
- I don’t want to go to school anymore!
- Why?
- Again Vasechkin will trip me up, and Ivanov will shoot at me with a slingshot, and Sidorov will throw a textbook at me!
“No, son, you need to go to school,” says mom. - Firstly, you are already 50 years old, and secondly, you are a school director.
“Daddy, the doctors gave us vaccinations at school today!”
- Well done, daughter, you didn’t cry, did you?
- No, they didn’t catch up with me.
- So that they think that they are having a holiday.
— Vovochka, what is your idea of the best school?
- Closed!
The teacher asks:
- Children, do you know that in heat all substances tend to expand, and in cold they contract?
- Certainly! - says Vovochka. — That’s why winter holidays are shorter than summer holidays.
- Sit down, Ivanov, five! Give me the diary.
- I forgot him.
- Take mine! - Vovochka whispers.
- Children, what order does the spectacled snake belong to?
- To the squad of short-sighted people!
- Vovochka, why are you so pale today?
“And my mother washed me yesterday.”
Vovochka was late for school. The teacher asks him:
- What happened, why so late?
- I was attacked by a bandit!
- Oh God! And what did he do?
- I took away my homework...
The girl complains to her parents:
- How can I get rid of this Vovochka? There is no more strength!
- Why didn’t he please you? Over there he helps carry his briefcase after class.
- Yes, I’m tired: I’ve already accumulated about fifty of them!
The latest school jokes
During the test, the teacher closely monitors the students and sometimes kicks out those who notice spurs. The director looks into the classroom.
— Are you writing a test? There are probably a lot of people here who like to cheat.
- No, the amateurs are already in the corridor, only the professionals remain.
Anatomy teacher:
—What are the last teeth a person develops?
- Plug-in.
- What time is it: I jump, you jump, he jumps, they jump?
- Turn!
- Do you know what is the worst thing for an excellent student?
- Get a bad grade?
- No, learn a lesson and not have time to answer.
There's a lesson in progress. There is noise and commotion in the next office, the teacher cannot stand it and heads there. He grabs the loudest one by the ear and takes him into his class. Ten minutes later the door opens, a student from that office looks into the classroom and quietly says:
- Can we have our teacher back?
The father asks his son:
- What can I do to stop you getting bad marks?
- Ask the teacher not to call me!
Teacher says:
- Everyone be quiet! So that you can hear a fly fly by!
Everyone immediately fell silent. Five minutes later Vanya can’t stand it and asks:
- Mikhail Ivanovich, when will you let a fly fly?
- Now let's prove the Pythagorean Theorem.
Student from the last desk:
- Maybe not? We take your word for it!
When asked about the first female pilot, the students named Baba Yaga.
I go to school - no one... I go to Odnoklassniki - the whole class!
In a math lesson:
- Anya, how much will your mother pay for 3 kilograms of potatoes if a kilogram costs 30 rubles 10 kopecks?
- That is still unknown.
- Why?
- And she always bargains.
A high school student approaches his father:
Dad, they're calling you to school.
- What happened?
- Well, it’s a little thing, I broke the window.
Father went. A few days later the son again:
- Dad, they are calling you to school.
- What did you do again?
- Yes, the laboratory room blew up.
Father went.
The son approaches him for the third time:
- Dad, they ask you to go to school again.
- That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t go anymore!
- That's right, dad. Why do you need to walk through the ruins...
Childhood is the most fun and carefree time of a person, which you often remember later in the future. In childhood, there are many funny and absurd stories that are pleasant to recall in memory after some time. This is confirmed by numerous jokes about children, in which little personalities try to be like adults, although they never succeed.
Funny jokes about children also tell the adventures of children and adults who inadvertently get involved in children's pranks and look quite stupid. However, the funniest jokes about children cannot be told without adults. Children may well do something incredible themselves, but with the help of an adult, any children's prank is transformed into an unusually funny story that is remembered for a lifetime.
The genre specificity of some jokes is so narrow that it is impossible to break out of its boundaries. Take, for example, demotivators about working in an office. The pictures will only tell you about the cool details of working in the office and that’s all. Nothing more can be added. Very funny jokes about children and parents are not surrounded by certain boundaries, since completely different situations can happen to them. And although jokes about children belong to a certain humorous genre, its boundaries are much wider than one can imagine.
Recently, the number of short jokes consisting of a few sentences has increased. also evoke a lot of strong emotions, and besides, they are much simpler and brighter than long stories. In such funny jokes about children, events unfold much faster, and there is no need to remember many names of the characters. Therefore, short jokes about children can be compared with funny jokes about doctors, where the set of characters is also minimal. That's why funniest jokes about children consist of several sentences that can bring any reader to tears.
You can find very funny jokes about children that will bring you to tears on our website. Here you can read jokes about children every day, enjoying new jokes and jokes. Here you will find funny cartoons about work, witty sayings from great thinkers and many other humorous sections, including funny jokes about children.
They will always be distinguished by the brevity and purity of the main characters, striving with all their might to be like adults. You can find funny jokes about children that will bring you to tears thanks to our website’s search system, which, using convenient filtering, will sort out the style of humor that you need at the moment.
