Blonde stories are vulgar. Jokes about blondes

Beautiful blonde I was sitting next to Borya when I entered the room. Since Borya is not my competitor in appearance (but, unfortunately, not in bed), the first thing I asked him, taking him aside, was whether he was with her and, of course, whether he would mind... I was lucky - Borya with He hasn’t been to her yet, but he’s against it - it’s as if he doesn’t care, he can wait. I don’t remember how I rejuvenated her, but that same evening we, three couples, lay down in the same room, on different beds. The sleeping places were covered with curtains. Vitya was lying with Kenya, Borya was with Tanya, I was with the new blonde. The beginning was good - she began to perform “miracles” with her tongue, licking me from head to toe. A couple of minutes after we lay down (so that the creaking of the beds and various sighs did not hurt the ears of neighboring couples, music was playing) I attempted an “invasion” - first I probed the entrance with my fingers and felt something: I took out someone’s full stinky sperm condom! The excitement disappeared as if by hand. Confused, I raised the condom in front of her nose and asked
- What is this? (and abruptly threw the condom on the floor)
- I don’t know, I watched the video yesterday and fell asleep (and blushed deeply, deeply)
I quickly jumped up (it finally dawned on me what I had taken out of there), and after getting dressed, I went to the washbasin. She got dressed and ran after me. Someone, Borya or Vitya, shouted mockingly, “Why are you so fast?” I wanted to immediately tell how she stopped me and asked me to be silent and not tell anyone (so I listened to her... while she was washing herself, I told everyone everything and asked not to laugh). We went to the sink, I washed my hands and led her into the shower. I walked into the room, and from the laughter that was difficult to contain, she guessed that I had spilled the beans. No matter what, we slept with her, and in the morning she disappeared.

To Natasha girlfriend arrived. Cute. I just went in to spend the night (usually I slept there with Natasha’s neighbor, Tanya, just like that, without full contact) and, seeing my girlfriend lying freely, I lay down next to her (without saying hello or name...). At night she did not resist for a long time (or rather, she did not resist at all), and in the morning we finally met - it turned out that her name was Valya, she came to have an abortion. If it’s an abortion, then it’s an abortion, I said, and when leaving I asked Valya to come again when she wants, i.e. when it heals. Strange, it healed within a couple of days. Apparently I really wanted to. But personally, I was busy, and I lost interest. And my friend, Sasha, immediately agreed. In the morning - everything was covered in blood, the whole bed was covered in blood (and I didn’t tell him that I was with her - why spoil the relationship and impressions). In short, I thought it was a girl. But I was embarrassed to ask. I told him that she had an abortion two days ago, and probably not the first.

Larisa. I wanted to go to the village to visit a friend, I was waiting for the bus. She stood nearby and also waited. The bus didn’t show up, but word by word we went to the dorm... I’ve never seen such a monster in sex. We didn't sleep all night or, on the contrary, slept 7-8 times. In the morning she said that for the first time she was tired of sex in her life (at 17 years old?). I took it as a compliment. During the week I spent with her, I came as many times as I did in the next 5 years of my life. She talked about her life - she started masturbating at the age of 13, if she doesn’t masturbate at least three times a day, she doesn’t feel well, at 15 she was raped by a neighbor, to whom she just went up for a cup of coffee, she’s not interested in anything except sex, she never cooked eat, never cleaned it up. The fact that she doesn’t know how to cook showed up immediately - she ruined my scrambled eggs. The mess in her apartment was also surprising - you can only move with long steps, stepping over piles of garbage and unnecessary things... We were once on vacation visiting Sasha and his girlfriend. Got drunk. Larisa put forward an ultimatum - either I leave or Zhanna (Sasha’s friend) will go into the shower with her to make love. Zhanna (a devout girl, a Catholic) was in such a state that she took this news as a joke and we persuaded her to take a shower with Larisa. The girls left. After a while, Larisa flies in, not in herself, when asked where Zhanna is, she replies that she doesn’t know where this fool is... she ran away from her to an unknown location... Larisa falls on the bed and falls asleep. We go to look for Zhanna and find her in one of the corridors of the dorm, all in tears and afraid for no apparent reason. They listened - Larisa, as soon as they entered the shower ( shared shower in the dorm, it was lucky that there was no one there when they entered), she closed the common shower doors and attacked Zhanna - she started tearing her underwear, kissing between her legs, moaning... and Zhanna, naturally, resisted. Then the girls started knocking on the door - why did they lock themselves there? Zhanna broke free, opened the doors and ran away... Zhanna was calmed down and returned to the room. I lay down next to Larisa, who was sleeping with a show-off, and there was “not enough room” for me - the drunken nymph bit and scratched during sex (apparently out of anger, it didn’t work out with Zhanna) and haunted me all night...

Young accelerator. A girl of about 16 came to visit a mutual friend, her height and weight were higher than usual... She was pretty, studying to be a cook at school... We got drunk together and Borya arranged for me to have a separate room to spend the night with her. Everything would be fine, but the girl seemed to fall in love and after the first night she wanted a second, third... But I had to go on a business trip for a few days, so we broke up. A few days later I arrive, she seems to be waiting for me (she seems to be in love). None of my friends say anything to me, and I, naive, think that everything is fine and spend the night with her as usual... The next day she leaves home, says that she will arrive soon, but I already feel something is wrong... Something has come through three days when the faucet began to leak and my panties began to get dirty. It was the first time I had gonorrhoea, I cured it on my own, consulting with friends. I found out that during my departure there was a line to see the “supposedly in love accelerator” - Borya, Sasha “Greyhound”, Armenians and others (I don’t know the others). Everyone except Borya got sick. We got sick from one of those on the waiting list (like Armenian, who was also infected by someone and did not recover). She, of course, never came again.

Lilya. Male character, beautiful, strong, “kept” almost the entire dorm in fear. We drank together a couple of times, but the opportunity to get to know each other better came when she quarreled with her friend - she herself invited me to her place. I didn’t need to hint for a long time then - if I liked a girl, then I showed activity myself. I couldn’t stand the marathon that she demanded for complete satisfaction, so we didn’t suit each other in bed. IN Once again she made peace with her friend (gigolo, a drunkard, was in her custody) and we stayed good friends. Subsequently, she married my classmate, my roommate in the institute dorm. She had beautiful girlfriend, I don’t remember her name, but according to her stories she loved men very much. She introduced us in absentia a long time ago. One evening she brings this friend, and I bring my friend (who later married Lila) and we have no choice but to lie in pairs in the same room to the sounds of Doctor Alban (popular music at that time). Yes, the men in that friend’s life are not last place... Less than a few seconds after we went to bed, we had already started “racing” - my friend wouldn’t have had the patience to wait until the neighboring couple fell asleep ... It’s a pity that chance didn’t bring me together with this friend again - perhaps in I would be more relaxed in a separate room...

Nurse. Borya met them on the street during the city holiday (Kyiv Day). He introduced me to a nurse, her name is Irina. We took a walk and agreed to meet in a couple of days near the metro. I drove up on a motorcycle (I had a Java at the time). She had just finished her 24-hour shift and really wanted to sleep. With the condition not to pester me, I took her to my dorm to rest (sleep). I did not fulfill the condition - the resistance was active and I remember that the activity of resistance grew into an active attack as soon as I touched the clitoris with my finger. It's like I pressed a button! After the first contact, just to relax, she changed her mind, had a smoke break, told me a story that I was her second (and why do girls tell this? I never ask, but I listen to these revelations from every second one - they probably justify not being a virgin) Then we again slept together and broke up. Strange, she left neither an address nor a phone number... and never appeared again.

Vika. This girl loves to fuck, knows how to fuck, literally her whole life is to fuck! She “made” me in the bathroom, then in bed, then at the dacha... We made love under the blanket, while she was smoking and talking with friends who came in at the wrong time through the open door! They didn’t even notice - they thought we were just lying (I pretended to be asleep) We didn’t agree on the time of the process - she needs a marathon, at least two hours and immediately, in the first episode! I can’t even spend five minutes in the first episode, and I’m reluctant to go to the second or third with my now “ex” friend.

Youngsters. I was lying in a room with three girls, i.e. I was lying with one, the other two were lying on adjacent beds. It was about one o'clock in the morning. Borya came in and asked me to help him go unload the car, which supposedly came with some kind of goods and urgently requires unloading... It turned out that this was just a false reason to pull me out of the dorm - on the street he said that two young girls were waiting for us at his friend’s apartment . No one has ever been with the one who will be with me (-clean, I checked it myself-, Borya probably thought to himself then). We went into the apartment, the girls (about 14 years old) were lying and watching videos - porn. I silently lay down with mine (without saying a word - I already had this experience once), settled down behind me, did my job (under the blanket) and fell asleep. In the morning I woke up before everyone else, and after saying goodbye to Borya, I went about my business. I never saw those girls again, but I remembered this incident because I got clap again. This time the treatment was more painful - without undergoing tests, I recovered on my own, but as it turned out, I simply healed the disease. A few months later, for no apparent reason (I didn’t sleep with anyone at that time without a condom), I started leaking again. I passed the tests, received a prescription and was cured with more potent antibiotics... Borya suffered from gonorrhea (and not only) chronically, so these diseases did not affect him...

Mandavos and scabies. Half the dorms were itching, at first it was scabies, then they began to find lice... It’s nonsense that mandavos are transmitted only sexually - my friend Sasha and I picked them up then for no “apparent reasons” - we didn’t sleep with anyone (that’s what happened sometimes, suitable girls there was none), but I caught pubic lice... I carried scabies into my student dorm, infecting all my neighbors and friends. Everyone was happy - firstly, they gained experience, and secondly, spending two hours before bed really calmed the nerves and distracted them from insomnia. They were treated for scabies with sulfur ointment. From the mandavos - with a close shave and kerosene.

Borya. Walking sex, but without brains. A person of Caucasian nationality (like me). Sleeps with everything that moves - with beautiful girls, with ugly girls, with beautiful and ugly boys (blue). Since 15 years in prison, diagnosed with kleptomania, car theft. At 30 he was freed and ended up in Kyiv, to brother. There, in Kyiv, I accidentally “came across” this hostel of the Kyiv shoe factory. And he dragged me...

By the end of the twentieth century, with the spread of glamorous parties and social evenings, a type of girl appeared about whom people now like to tell jokes. These are, of course, blondes.

Jokes about blondes- This is a fairly young genre that has not yet properly found its audience in the humorous field. And although you can find many funny jokes about blondes - the development of the genre is moving very slowly. Moreover, the funniest jokes about blondes simply make you grab your stomachs, since sometimes they contain the most unpredictable stories with the same original endings. Well, first things first.

Most jokes about blondes show the character's narrow-mindedness or even some stupidity. That's how it turns out dirty jokes about blondes, although, in principle, there is nothing vulgar about them. IN in rare cases in jokes about funny blondes you will hear details intimate life main character, which she is discussing with her friend. This joke will automatically move into the erotic category. A similar situation will be observed in the funniest black jokes about blondes. We transfer this joke to the category of funny jokes, black humor.

In my opinion, funny text jokes shouldn't be too long. will always be more fun due to rapid development events and a minimum of main characters. Sometimes in fresh jokes about blondes you can only meet one main character, when the character is talking to himself or to inanimate objects. This just adds to the fun of the gag.

If we take Natasha Rostova's anecdotes, it is impossible to imagine the main character without his colleague in the role of Lieutenant Rzhevsky. Funny jokes about blondes can boast of having only one hero.

Funny jokes about blondes

And yet, no matter how nice young ladies complain about being ridiculed in jokes, funny jokes about a blonde are one of the most original and lively jokes that you can write. Jokes about blondes are written just for fun, and not with the aim of hurting or even offending anyone. This is just a joke that you need to laugh at or not perceive it at all. It's a matter of taste, my friends.

Finally, I would like to say a few words about the appearance of jokes about fresh blondes. Discover new jokes about blondes our readers and reviewers can directly on our website. In addition to unsurpassed and sparkling text humor, you can enthusiastically enjoy unusual photo jokes, crazy caricatures and excellent comics collected from all over the web. A joke of any genre and category can be downloaded and saved on your storage device. Choose the necessary joke from the category you like, and you can safely

- Nope, I don’t want to, I’ll forget to explain six times...

One man walks into a women's bar; there are only blondes in the bar.
He sits down at the counter, sits and says to one:
- Want, new joke Will I tell you about blondes?
- Man, listen, there is a blonde behind the bar, she has a black belt in karate, to your left the blonde is an aikido master, to your right is a blonde who is 190 tall and weighs 95 kg, on the stage the blonde is a hand-to-hand combat instructor, and behind you is standing blonde with a bat in her hands.
Do you still want to tell a joke about blondes?
The man fell silent, thought for a couple of seconds, then said:
- Nope, I don’t want to, I’ll forget to explain six times...

The blonde came to the police to get a job. Elderly boss
department looked around at her and said:
- I'll ask you a few questions. What is two and two?
- Uh... four.
- Fine. You know Square root 100?
- Nnnnnnn... ten!
- Great. Who killed Pushkin?
The blonde was silent.
“I don’t know,” she finally said.
-Well, think about it, look. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde went home and called her friend. She asks
- Well, did they hire you?
“Not only did they take it,” the blonde boasts, “but they already entrusted me with the investigation.”
murders!

On the plane, in the next seats, there is a blonde and a lawyer. It's a long flight. The blonde silently turns away and looks out the window.
Lawyer for the blonde:
- Let me ask you a question, if you don’t know the answer - you give me 5 dollars. Then you ask me a question, if I don’t know the answer, I’ll give you 500 dollars.
The blonde agrees.
Advocate:
- What is the distance from the Moon to the Earth?
The blonde silently gives him 5 dollars.
Blonde:
- Who goes up a mountain on three legs and goes down on four? A couple of hours pass. The lawyer called all his friends, scoured the Internet, but couldn’t find an answer.
There is nothing to do, he gives the blonde 500 dollars and asks:
- Who is this???
The blonde silently gives him $5 and turns to the porthole.

On the plane, in the next seats, there is a blonde and a lawyer. It's a long flight.
The blonde silently turns away and looks out the window. Advocate
to the blonde: - Let me ask you a question, if you don’t know the answer - you give me 5 dollars. Then you ask me a question, if I don’t know the answer, I’ll give you 500 dollars. The blonde agrees. Lawyer: - What is the distance from the Moon to the Earth? The blonde silently gives him 5 dollars. Blonde: - Who goes up a mountain on three legs and goes down on four? A couple of hours pass. The lawyer called all his friends, scoured the Internet, but couldn’t find an answer. There is nothing to do, he gives the blonde 500 dollars and asks: - Who is this??? The blonde silently gives him $5 and turns to the porthole.

Blonde and ordinary woman.
Regular:
- I always make coffee for my husband in the morning.
Blonde:
- So how is it? Eating?

The blonde is driving in a car, turns on the radio and hears the voice of the announcer:
- You are listening to Russian radio!
The blonde is surprised:
- God, how do they know everything!

The blonde is crying in the maternity hospital.
The nurse asks:
- Why are you crying?
“I have twins,” the blonde answers, sobbing.
- And what?
- What will I tell my husband, where is the second child from?

The traffic cop slows down the car. A blonde is driving. The traffic cop, suspecting that she is under the “shafe”, lets her blow into the tube. The color of the tube has changed.
Blonde:
- God, I'm pregnant!!!

Who writes jokes about blondes?
- Lonely and envious brunettes!

Why do girls dye their hair blondes?
- So that you can see them better from the car at night.

The blonde answers:
- I'm fine here.
Man:

The blonde comes on the plane and takes a seat by the window.
A man comes up to her and says:
- Girl, go to your place.
The blonde answers:
- I'm fine here.
Man:
- Well then, take the helm and take off.

Professor:
- What is the most outstanding product that chemistry has given us?
present day?
- Blondes

Men prefer blondes because they believe that brunettes are smarter and therefore more dangerous.

At school. Teacher:
- Today we have a test.
Blonde:
-Can I use a calculator?
- Can.
Another blonde:
- What about the Bradis tables?
- Can. So, write down the topic of the test: “Abolition of serfdom.”

In my opinion, jokes about blondes are written exclusively by brunettes who never manage to dye their hair. Out of envy!

A blonde is walking down the street. And she has one breast sticking out of her blouse. Well, everyone is in shock, and only one person found the strength to come up and say:
- Woman! What kind of look do you have in a public place? !
The blonde looks at her chest and says:
- Damn it! I forgot my child on the bus! . .

Why do some brunettes and brown-haired women dye their hair to look like blondes?
- Bring your own appearance in accordance with the level of intelligence.

They say that brunettes are much more temperamental than blondes!
- Nonsense! My wife was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead! No difference!

The blonde jumped up on horseback, and then the horse bolted. The poor blonde began to fall out of the saddle, screaming, her hair was flying in the wind, and the horse didn’t even think about stopping, and in just a little while she would fall...
In general, she would have died if the dispatcher had not stopped the carousel.

The blonde realized that her boyfriend was cheating on her.
She took the gun and burst into the hotel room.
And I saw a guy in bed with a redhead.
She put the gun to her head.
- Oh no! Don't do this - the guy shouted.
- Shut up! You are next! - answered the blonde.

A blonde walks through the market and sees a man selling apple seeds.
Next dialogue:
- Well, is anyone buying your bones?
- Of course, because apple seeds increase intelligence!
The blonde is perplexed:
- How is that?
- But you buy it and find out, 200 rubles for a dozen.
The blonde bought a dozen, ate it and said:
- Damn, I could get 10 kg for 200 rubles. buy apples, and there are a lot of seeds.
- You see, they immediately became smarter.
- Indeed, GIVE A TEN MORE!

I told my wife a few jokes about blondes.
She was offended and said that I was spreading evil rumors about her.

Conversation between two blondes:
- Well, how’s the new fan?
- Oh, he’s so boring, and in order not to fall asleep with him on the first date, I had to sleep with him right away!

A blonde and a brunette are watching a movie, the brunette says:
- Let's bet 100 rubles that Petya will throw himself off the bridge!
- I think not!
Petya threw himself off the bridge, the blonde takes out money, the brunette:
- No need, I’ve already watched this movie!
- Me too, but I didn’t think he’d fold again!

The blonde is flying in her car at 240 km/h.
A traffic cop stops her:
- You're crazy to drive like that! Give me the documents!
Blonde:
- I won’t give it to you, they are fake.
The cop started:
- So, get out of the car!
- I won’t go out, my pockets are full of drugs. Suddenly I'll crumble!
The traffic cop turned red:
- Open the trunk!
“I won’t open it, I’ve had a corpse lying there for a week, it smells terrible.”
The cop called the riot police. The blonde was pulled out of the car. Hands on the hood, they searched: the documents are in order, there are no drugs, the trunk is empty.
The riot policeman asks the traffic cop:
- Why are you talking? What drugs, what corpses?
Blonde to him:
- Yes, listen to this goat, he’ll tell you now that I was driving 240 km/h.

The blonde has a plane ticket in economy class and boards business class. Everyone takes turns trying to persuade her to change seats. But not at all. Finally the main pilot gets involved
- Now I’ll talk to her, I can do it, my wife is also blonde.
He whispered something in her ear, the blonde immediately stood up and went to her place. All in chorus:
- What did you say to her?!
- He said that business class does not fly to Miami.

A blonde, a brunette and a brown-haired girl came to the witch, she said:
- Anyone who tells a lie will disappear!
Brunette says:
- I think I'm beautiful! Disappeared.
Brown haired woman says:
- I think I'm smart! Disappeared.
The blonde says:
- I think... And she disappeared.

A blonde comes to a car dealership... buys a brand new Porsche... a week later she comes to the dealership and says:
- When I’m driving alone everything is fine... but when I’m with someone in the cabin it always stinks...
Well, the master looked at the interior... the hood... says:
- Everything seems to be fine... let me go for a ride and see...
Well, they're driving... the blonde goes under 200 on a red light... along the sidewalk... overtakes everyone... then stops and says:
-Well, how do you feel???
-I don’t feel it, I’m sitting in this..:)

A blonde comes to a car dealership... buys a brand new Porsche... a week later she comes to the dealership and says:
- when I’m driving alone everything is fine... but when I’m with someone it always stinks in the cabin... well, the master looked at the interior... the hood... says:
- everything seems to be fine... let me go for a ride and see... well, they are driving... the blonde is driving at 200 on a red light... along the sidewalk... overtaking everyone... then she stops and says:
-Well, how do you feel???
-I don’t feel like I’m sitting in this..:)

Scientists decided to find out what blondes' brains are made of. They covered her head and looked - and it was empty, only some kind of thread was stretched. They decided to find out what the thread was and cut it, and the blonde’s ears fell off.

Two blondes came to the zoo. One of the blondes lingered for some reason near the cage with the monkeys.
- Why are you stopping here? - asks her friend.
- I want to see how some monkey turns into a human.
- Stupid! For this you need whole year stand here!

The blonde leaves the subway and is late. Decides to take a taxi. There is a private parking lot near the metro. Without thinking, he climbs into the first car he comes across and sits next to the driver.
He is silent. She, still thinking about her problems, too.
After a couple of minutes, the blonde can’t stand it:
- So are we actually going to go or what?
There is deathly silence for several seconds, and then a voice comes from the back seat:
- Kolya, who is this anyway?!..

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are coming. Suddenly an old woman appears with a mirror and tells them:
- The one who tells the mirror what she really thinks will get everything she wants, and the one who lies will disappear.
The brunette looks in the mirror and says:
- I think that I am the most beautiful in the world.
She said and disappeared.
The red-haired woman looks in the mirror and says:
- I think I'm the smartest in the world!
She said and disappeared.
The blonde looks in the mirror and says:
- I think!
She said and disappeared.

1 Jokes about blondes

The man's car broke down. He turns on the emergency lights, opens the hood, and does something. Suddenly, someone starts honking insistently from behind. A man comes up and sees a blonde sitting behind the wheel and pressing the horn.
- Why are you standing there and honking? Drive around!
- How do I know where you will go?
- ???
- Your turn signal works to the right and to the left!

0 Jokes about blondes

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
- Gifted.

0 Jokes about blondes

How do blondes' brain cells die?
- Alone.

0 Jokes about blondes

What did the blonde tell the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
- Doctor, are you sure that the child is mine?

0 Jokes about blondes

What is artificial intelligence?
- Blonde, dyed brunette.

0 Jokes about blondes

How can you tell what a blonde was typing at a computer?
- The screen is covered in places with putty.
- How can we determine that after her there was another blonde sitting at this computer?
- There are handwritten notes on top of the putty.

0 Jokes about blondes

Two Odessa residents meet.
- How did you spend last night?
- I go into a brothel on Deribasovskaya, there are three doors: BLONDES, BRUNETTES, BROWN-haired women. You know how much I love blondes, I open the door where the BLONDES are, and there are again three doors: THICK, THIN, MEDIUM. You know how much I love the average ones, I open the door, where the MEDIUM ones are, there are also three doors: CHEAP, EXPENSIVE, FREE. Well, you know how I love free things, I open the door where it’s FREE and go out onto Deribasovskaya...

0 Jokes about blondes

Two men are walking down the street. There are two women ahead - one brunette, the other blonde. One guy says:
- The blonde is my wife, the brunette is my mistress... Such a woman in bed!
Another guy says:
- The brunette is my wife, the blonde is my mistress... Such a woman in bed!
They stood, looked at each other, were silent... In chorus:
- No, well, they can whenever they want!

0 Jokes about blondes

A blonde walks past the store and looks at some strange product lying on the shelf. He comes up and asks the seller.
- What is it?
- This is a thermos.
- What is it for?
- In it, hot remains hot, and cold remains cold.
- I'll take it!!!
The next day the blonde comes to the office. She is asked:
- What do you have?
The blonde answers:
- This is a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!
- What do you have in your thermos?
- Two cups of coffee and ice cream!

1 Jokes about blondes

The blonde approaches the river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Hey,” she shouts, “can you tell me how I can get to the other side?” The second blonde looks at the river and shouts back: “And you are already on the other side.”
- No, I didn’t see it.
- So, if you see it, you can have it for 2 whole hours: I already paid.