Laughter to tears to read. Funny jokes that make you cry

Today we have prepared for you the most fresh jokes funny to tears, which you can read for free online on the website.

Among these jokes, you are sure to find a few that will lift your spirits and make you smile.

On the website we publish positive news for you every day.

1. - Dear, do you share my opinion?
- Yes, dear, I divide it into two parts, I completely reject the first, and I categorically disagree with the second!

2. -A man communicates with God:
- Lord, why are all the girls gentle, sweet, affectionate, and all the women
bitches and bitches?! The Lord answers:
- So I create girls, and you make them women...

3. Bachelor Eggs:
1) - opened the refrigerator;
2) - scratched his balls;
3) — closed the refrigerator.

4. The children at school argued about what is the fastest thing in the world.

Tanechka says:
- The quickest word is: you said it, and you can’t take it back!

Vanechka says:
- The fastest light! I just turned it on and it’s already on!

Vovochka in response:
- And I had diarrhea, so I didn’t have time to say a word or turn on the light...

5. A blonde comes to the Auto Parts store and asks the seller:
- Do you have sensors?
- What sensors?
- Well, such that when I kick your butt the lights will light up...))

6. Calories are the germs that make your belly and butt grow.

7. - Girl, can I sit with you for a little while?
- It won’t work out a little, they’ll turn gray all over my head at once...

8. Husband to wife:
- What will you do if you see me kissing another woman?
- Well... how faithful wife, I will visit you... in traumatology...

Fresh short jokes funny to tears

9. Hunting is a sport! Especially when the ammo runs out and the bear is still alive.

10. It happens that when you’re just about to get rich, you suddenly have to pay rent, or your shoes suddenly break...

11. Short ultrasound results showed: “There will be a wedding!”

Childhood is the most fun and carefree time of a person, which you often remember later in the future. In childhood, there are many funny and absurd stories that are pleasant to recall in memory after some time. This is confirmed by numerous jokes about children, in which little personalities try to be like adults, although they never succeed.

Funny jokes about children they also tell the adventures of children and adults who inadvertently get involved in children's pranks and look rather stupid. However, the funniest jokes about children cannot be told without adults. Children may well do something incredible themselves, but with the help of an adult, any child’s prank turns into something extraordinary. funny story, which is remembered for a lifetime.

The genre specificity of some jokes is so narrow that it is impossible to break out of its boundaries. Take, for example, demotivators about working in an office. The pictures will only tell you about the cool details of working in the office and that’s all. Nothing more can be added. Very funny jokes about children and parents are not surrounded by certain boundaries, since completely different things can happen to them different situations. And although jokes about children refer to a certain humorous genre– its boundaries are much wider than you can imagine.

IN Lately the number of short jokes consisting of several sentences has increased. also evoke a lot of strong emotions, and besides, they are much simpler and brighter long stories. In such funny jokes about children, events unfold much faster, and there is no need to remember many names of the characters. Therefore, short jokes about children can be compared with funny jokes about doctors, where there is also a set characters minimal. That's why funniest jokes about children consist of several sentences that can bring any reader to tears.

You can find very funny jokes about children that will bring you to tears on our website. Here you can read jokes about children every day, enjoying new jokes and jokes. Here you will find funny cartoons about work, witty sayings from great thinkers and many other humorous sections, including funny jokes about children.

They will always be distinguished by the brevity and purity of the main characters, striving with all their might to be like adults. You can find funny jokes about children that will bring you to tears thanks to our website’s search system, which, using convenient filtering, will sort out the style of humor that you need at the moment.

ABOUT father and son We came to the sea.
- Look, son, this mo re.
- Where?
- Here, per units you, so blue.
- Where?
- Well, right before that bo y. Big.
- Where?
The father could not stand it, he grabbed it yn and by the hair, and let’s dip his head into the water. After this the son:
- Dad, what is this? oh?!
- Sea.
- Where ?

*****

IN sheep got two Ouch ku in mathematics and explains anger en to my father:
- The teacher asked me si l, how much is two times three, I said six. Poto m the teacher asked how much it would be three times dv A
- And this is not one x re n?
- That’s what I said.

*****

IN school during zo lesson olo gii:
- Who can say why? mb ala flat?
Vovochka:
- Because joint venture ala with a whale.
- Vovochka, get out of class ac sa!
Teacher:
- Tell me why cancer has... az and they climb out of orbits?
The door opens slightly, B O Vochka whispers:
- Because he is all this saw.

*****

N and zoology lessons. Teacher br OS throws a worm into a glass of water. In a couple mi chickpea pulls out:
- You see, d no and, the worm is alive.
Then he throws the worm in that kan with alcohol. In a couple of minutes Well t takes out.
- You see, the worm has died. So to ak What conclusions should be drawn? Vovochka gets up.
- You need to drink vodka so that if the steeds didn't start.

*****

N oh In the complete fog units the ship is sailing. Captain on the command bridge. Vd Around the course - lights! Possible collision. Cap it an - into a megaphone:
- Commander Jackson speaking. Kr to her ser "Saratoga", 30 thousand tons displacement yet leniya. Turn right immediately!
Answer:
- Private J says He dream, lighthouse duty officer. Three million then NN . Sir, you'd better turn away...

*****

- T I don't mind is it possible to be left-handed?
- No, it doesn’t interfere. Each person has his own d leftovers. For example, with what hand do you stir the tea?
- Right.
- Here! And normal people ra stir with a spoon.

*****

D Jaune fell into a lethargic sleep ohm and woke up in 2050. First of all, pose in Neil to the agent to find out how his banking was going. A ge nt reported that he has 10 mi on his account ll ion dollars. Satisfied, John hangs up telephone handset. Che R A minute later the duty officer calls him:
- You spoke for five minutes. From you 7 million 400 one thousand dollars.

*****

M Oisha was called to the OB HS WITH:
- Where did you get it from? de nygi to the Volga?
- I had a Zhiguli. I'm talking about them Yes l, borrowed a little
and bought a Volga.
-Where did you get the money? bg and on the Zhiguli?
- I had an IZH motorcycle, I e I sold a little
borrowed and...
-Where did you get it? de ngi on "IZH"?
- And for a bicycle I’m still at Sta whether he did not serve time.

*****

G get ready for bed by live barking Jewish couple
- Moisha! You're at the gate A wings?
- Closed, Rose, for cr yl.
- Well, did you close the door?
- And the door, R O for, closed.
- And in English sk y castle?
- And into English am ok, Rose.
- And on white b Gian
- And in Belgian and y.
- And for z asov?
- And to the point in Rose!
- And on the flail wow?
- And on the chain too.
- Moishe, and on the schwa b ru did you close the door?
- Oh! On the mop A was!
- Here you go! Zach od and take what you want!

*****

AND Zya died during the war ry in cards from heart break. Nobody dares to tell it and ene. They chose Aron, he was the most taciturn. Etc Aron goes to the house of the deceased, knocks on the door:
- I'm from Katsm en A.
- Oh, this is where my hubby plays all the time e t into cards?
- Yes.
- Games A yeah?
- Yes, he plays.
- As always about ig vomiting?
- Exactly, he loses.
- So that he dies, m er boss!
- Already.

This section contains short jokes that are very funny to the point of tears. Have fun, read, laugh, make yourself and others laugh, enjoy it, tell jokes, because laughter prolongs life, and they will say about you: “he is the true “soul” of any company!”

- Mom, mom, who did I get my brains from?
- From my father.
- How do you know?
- I still have mine.

Medical examination for driver's license.
Oculist:
Read the letters in the third row of the table.
Patient squinting:
Sorry, but where do you see the table?

Between blondes:
Yesterday my husband received an anonymous letter.
Wow, what a horror. From whom?

- Excuse me, why is your dog looking at me strangely?
- Do not pay attention! She looks like this every time someone eats from her plate.

Grandfather caught a goldfish.
“Tell me,” asks the fish, “is your old one still alive?”
- Yes, she’s alive...
“Well, then you’d better cook some fish soup off me.”

The girl got into the car and started screaming loudly and calling for help. A policeman was passing nearby, heard the screams and came up and asked:
- What's happened!
— They stole the steering wheel, the pedals, the lever!
The policeman answers:
- Girl, if you move to the front seat, then everything will fall into place.

Question to the blonde: How to kill a fish?
Answer: Try to drown her!

Two tramps meet:
- Where do you live?
- Nowhere.
- Yes, we are neighbors!

- I'm leaving you! I'm tired of your jokes about excess weight!
- Stop! Don't go! Think about our child!
- What child?
- Well, aren’t you pregnant?!

A person in line asks:
- Who is last?
Reply from the crowd:
- You!

— I wonder what to take with you to the sea to amaze everyone on the beach?!
- Take your skis...

A man sits high in a tree...
A man passes by and asks:
— What did Red Bull okrell?!
- No, - this is a new fur coat made from a pit bull!

A drunk is lying in front of the bar. A passerby leans towards him:
- Excuse me, are you really drunk or is this an advertisement for a bar?

—Where did you get such a good watch?
— A gift from my sister.
- But you don’t have a sister?!
“I don’t know, but it says so on the watch.”

— Why do blondes hang curtains on their computer monitors?
- Because it says “Windows” on it...

A drunk man gets into a taxi and begins to undress.
- What are you doing? - asks the driver. - Are you not at home!
- Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I left my shoes at the door...

Blonde:
- I can stop time!
- How?
— Remove the batteries from the watch...

- Your favorite printed edition?
- Money.

Conversation on mobile phone:
- Hello, can you talk?
- Yes.
- Well, then listen...

— What are the three most common words in the world? - "I love you"?- Nonsense! "Made in China".

Our new friends, to my husband:
— Your wife looks very young!
Husband:
- Of course, vampires don’t age!

Tell me, son, do you smoke weed?
- Dad... I am your daughter.

Girl, do you love animals?
- Very!
- Take me to you, I’m such a beast!

Phone conversation: - Hello, dear, what are you doing?- Nothing special, I'm very tired. I want to go to bed, and you?- I'm standing right behind you at the bar...

The wife looks in the mirror and asks her husband:
- Darling, what do you like most about me? Beautiful face or body?
Husband:
— Your feeling humor.

- Darling, do you know where our book “How to Live 100 Years?” - Threw it away. Your mother wanted to read it.

Buyer asks:
- Well, okay, the house is really nice, and the area is quiet?
- Yes! Last month there were two murders and five rapes and a dozen robberies in the area, and no one heard a thing!

A drunk patient enters the doctor's office and asks:
“Which of you two will examine me?”
- Please don't come in as a group of four!

— What are blondes looking for at the bottom of the ocean?
- Leonardo DiCaprio!

Woman insults her husband
“I was deaf and blind when I married you!”
- You see what diseases I cured you of, I am a responsible person.

- Doctor, how can I tell you, well, I have a feeling that everyone is ignoring me...
- Next, please!

Mother and child at the zoo:
- Darling, don’t come close to the tiger’s cage!
- Calm down, mom, I won’t do anything!

- Why haven’t you gotten married yet?
“I’m not a fool to marry that fool who agrees to marry me.”

- Waiter! - a restaurant visitor shouts indignantly. — I have a piece of iron in my plate.
“Of course, if there was a piece of gold there, you wouldn’t shout so much.”

Two blondes talking:
- Look how beautiful the landscape is.
The other one answers:
“I can’t see anything because of these trees!”

A programmer goes with his son to the zoo. The child saw a penguin:
- Dad, dad, look - Linux!

When you are in a company, you understand that your friends are bored, cheer them up. Use moments such as the opportunity for self-expression to become the “life of the party”; tell interesting, funny jokes.
In this section you can read new jokes, very funny short ones, you can laugh until you cry.

I have prepared for you 13 of the funniest ones that will bring you to tears. short jokes. While we were selecting jokes for you and reading them, we found it very funny to the point of tears, as these are very laughable jokes.

Fresh jokes funny to tears 2017

1. Sweets are divided into two types:
a) Delicious.
b) Let dad eat these.

2. Husband to wife:
- What will you do if you see me kissing another woman?
- Well... like a faithful wife, I will visit you... in the traumatology department...

3. I’m a modest guy, so I hide my six-pack abs… under fat.

4. Short ultrasound results showed: “There will be a wedding!”

Super funny jokes that will make you cry

5. Hunting is a sport! Especially when the ammo runs out and the bear is still alive.

7. Those who served in the army do not laugh at the circus. Those who rewound the cassette with a pencil do not buy the spinner.

8. - Grandfather, are you sleeping?
- And what?
- Give me 500 rubles!
- I’m sleeping, grandson, I’m sleeping!

9. - You are leading the wrong lifestyle!
- Oh... Don't be jealous of me...

Jokes funny to tears read for free

10. The husband showed up home at four o’clock in the morning. The wife says, irritably:

I have no words!
- God bless!

11. If you don’t succeed the first time, then parachuting is not for you.

12. - What are the three most common words in the world?
- "I love you"?
- Nonsense! "Made in China".

13. Everything you write in a search query can and will be used against you in contextual advertising.

14. Childhood ended at that moment
- when mom stopped hiding sweets from you, and dad started hiding cognac.

15. - All troubles come to an end, believe me.
- And you, an optimist, however.
- No, I'm a watchman at the cemetery.