Watch newcomers be asked questions in the zone. How prison registration enters a house in the zone

“You move into a hut,” he began loquaciously, “and they arrange registration for you: they ask all sorts of crazy questions, a bunch of riddles, if you don’t answer, they hit you on the head with an oar...”, wrote Vladimir Ivanov in the book “Life in Prison.”

Every new arrival in a hut—a prison cell—must “go through registration.” This is done in order to better get to know the cellmate with whom you will have to share shelter, food and a common fund. Based on the results of the test, the newcomer is assigned to a certain caste in the prison community. There are categories of prisoners who do not have to undergo the initiation procedure. These include seemingly inadequate or sick individuals, men over 40 years of age.

Researchers who have studied the criminal world of Russia attribute the emergence of its traditions and laws to the 18th century. Since then, the initiation ceremony has been planned. Caste system already formed by end of the 19th century century. There were four main categories (suits), which became the reason for the emergence of a permanent initiation rite in the ranks of recruits. This process reached its apotheosis from the 30s to the 90s of the 20th century.

During registration, a “friendly” dialogue takes place, in which Special attention are occupied by tricky riddles. The answers to them are clearly regulated. To show yourself worthily, you need to initially know the solution or intuitively reach it.
The initiation procedure is generally not carried out among mature criminals. It affects minors who are registered in the cells of a pre-trial detention center. It is carried out in order to study the newcomer, establish his level of knowledge of the criminal subculture, understand whether the cellmate is ready to follow its norms, determine the status of the recently joined ranks, and clarify the rights and responsibilities emanating from the established suit.

Registration is often carried out immediately after a newcomer enters the cell. In some prisons, it is customary to initiate after the expiration of the term (usually three months). The concept of “fun” or “toy” is inextricably linked with initiation. The goal is to convict the recruit of ignorance of the norms and rules of the criminal world. The longest ones are the riddles. They test the “green” prisoner as long as the questioner has enough strength.

Riddles are asked quickly. For each mistake, the subject receives a spoon to the forehead. If a cellmate turns out to be stupid, at the end of his registration he will grow “horns” - due to swelling in the places of numerous blows. “It’s impossible to retell all the riddles, and they help the person undergoing registration to remember (or think) in different ways: sometimes with a spoon, sometimes with a fist in the forehead through a book, or they can hit you with a liter mug,” says the book “Life in Prison” by Vladimir Ivanov.
Prank toys, as a rule, are of a defiant and disparaging nature and are associated with the use of obscene language. One of the most common questions is: “What is the prison based on?” The correct answer (“on hold”) is given extremely rarely. For an incorrect answer, recruits do push-ups or squats. But the wrong answer to the riddle “will you give it to f*** or sell your mother?” leads to greater insult. If a newcomer chooses the first option, he is subjected to sodomy. The second one is beaten and becomes a “goat” (type of suit). The correct answer is: “The boy doesn’t give a fuck, and his mother is not for sale.” A joke on intelligence is widely known to experienced prisoners: “What do you choose: f**k in f*** or a fork in the eye?” A new recruit should choose the latter because prisons do not provide forks.

During registration, there is a “guy time” for thinking about an answer, equal to 45 seconds. If no answer is received or it is incorrect, the recruit is deprived of his status as a boy. Sometimes it becomes possible to buy the answer to the riddle - to hurt the “green one”. The subject of beating can be a “carrot” - a dry or wet towel twisted into a rope. Often the ransom is not real and involves torture. Experienced people thus amuse themselves. For example, a deprived person is offered to become a “boy.” To do this, a tube is made from pre-melted cellophane, which is set on fire and dripped 36 times (it is believed that for persons under 18 years of age - 36 colors) into his anus. As a result, the recruit does not receive a new, higher status.

The prison world is conservative and structured. Full picture division into castes was described by Yu. K. Aleksandrov in the chapter “Table of ranks in the criminal community (division into suits)” in the book “Essays on the criminal subculture”). Thieves in law occupy a special position in it. One of these was Pasha Zakharov, who was sent to isolation ward for the first time after pickpocketing. During his imprisonment, he earned the “crown” of criminal authority, and in the first month of his stay in prison he received the nickname Tsirul. He showed himself worthy during registration (it is possible that he answered the riddles correctly), so professional criminals allowed him in. There is an opinion that Pasha Zakharov cut the hair of authoritative thieves in law.

One person leaves his house every day and walks to the same intersection. There he waits for the exact time of 8:30, after which he crosses the street. Then he takes the city train and travels a couple of stops. After which he walks for about 15 minutes and gets to his meta-work. Why does a person wait for 8:30 every time, although he can cross the intersection immediately without waiting?

Three robbers burst into the jewelry store and, threatening with a gun, began to collect jewelry from the display cases. Suddenly one of them said that the police were coming. The second one looked around, listened, but found nothing. However, when he looked at the robber who said that the police were coming, he immediately agreed to quickly run away. Why?

In one company, two employees are sitting in the office during lunch break. One of them reads news on the Internet. Suddenly he says to the second employee: “You know that three of the first five US presidents died on July 4th, but it doesn’t say which ones.” The second responds: “I don’t know them, but I can say for sure that at least the fifth president definitely died on July 4.” How was the second employee able to guess that the 5th President of the United States died on July 4, because he did not know about it before the conversation?

Two thieves in law quarreled with each other while sitting at the same table in the prison canteen. Suddenly the second of them turned blue and grabbed the first, and the first first hit the second on the back, and then stuck a knife into him. The guards arrived in time and immediately called doctors, who saved the life of the wounded jailer. After this story, the first thief in law did not have his sentence added at all, but the second was very grateful to him. Why?

In one very famous museum put on display a super expensive transparent diamond. It was located behind glass partitions, but any touch to which triggered an alarm. After which, in a split second, all the windows and doors to this room were closed with iron shutters. Visitors of 30 people were allowed into this room. After the third group left, the alarm suddenly went off. All the doors and windows were closed with iron shutters. Half a minute later, the guards entered this room, opening the iron shutters and doors. They saw that the glass partitions were broken, but the diamond was untouched. Inside the room there was one visitor who was left alone in the room. He said that he was about to leave and accidentally touched the glass partitions of his glass bottle which he held in his hand. After explanations, he was released. However, a week later an announcement appeared in the newspapers that the expensive diamond had been stolen. How did this happen?

One elite and very expensive restaurant was visited by a wealthy married couple. They asked for a menu, after which they placed an order for four people, while they drank a glass of expensive wine. Suddenly my husband received a phone call cell phone, after the conversation he said a few words to his wife. They then immediately got up and walked towards the exit without paying. As soon as they put on outerwear, then calmly left the restaurant. At the same time, no one stopped them or asked them to pay at least for the wine they drank. Why?

One dad had two daughters and one greedy son. One day dad gave all the children 5 apples. How many apples do you think each sister received?

Ten men sitting at round table in tense silence. After a pause, the phone rang, after which one of them took off and jumped out the window. What happened?

If we add the numbers from 1 to 3, we get 6. If we add the numbers from 1 to 5, we get 15. How to quickly add the numbers from 1 to 100 (in your head)?

One terrorist group kidnapped a high-ranking government official. They decided to execute him by firing squad. One of them volunteered to do this. He shot him 3 times with a pistol, after which everyone dispersed. However, on the same day they were all caught. A day later, the high-ranking official who was shot met with the one who shot him. They shook hands and wished each other success. How come?

Prominent thinkers of the past spoke on this issue at one time:

There are two chairs. On one the peaks are chiseled, on the other the dicks are jerked off. Which one will you sit on, which one will you put your mother on?

Plato: The two chairs can be seen as a reflection of the dualism of soul and body. If a chair with dicks symbolizes base bodily thoughts, then a chair with spikes reflects the warlike aspirations of the eternal soul. I choose spades.

Aristotle: Knowledge of each separate property must be acquired from experience, and therefore I will try both chairs. However, I like x* better.

Lao Tzu: I think I'll stand.

Thomas Aquinas: Only God is true being; and therefore we should endure all bodily torments with steadfastness, denying lust and the dirty aspirations of the body. So I'll sit on the peaks.

Michel Montaigne: Man cannot know absolute truth, and therefore there is no difference which chair to sit on.

Schopenhauer: By human activity only anger, selfishness and compassion lead. So sit down on your own fucking chairs, asshole, and I’ll sympathize with you a little.

Voltaire: But where are these chairs? In one place or everywhere without taking up space? I don't know anything about this. Are they made of a single substance? I don't know anything about this. Are the peaks chiseled or the dicks wanked? I don't know anything about this.

Rene Descartes: I am sitting on a chair, which means I exist.

Kant: The question of two chairs lies in the area of ​​antinomies pure reason. If a chair with dicks can be called a thesis, then a chair with spades is its antithesis. Considering that the solution to antinomies can never be found in experience, I will simply sit in front of these chairs and think for a long time, but in the end I will not choose anything.

Hegel: The answer to the questions that philosophy leaves unanswered is that they must be posed differently. What is missing here is a third chair, on which there would be huge dicks studded with sharp spikes. Oops, did I say that out loud?

Marx: Let's just put the capitalists on the chair with dicks and the imperialists on the chair with spades.

Freud: In my opinion, the answer is obvious.

Nietzsche: I'll stand with my feet on both chairs and dance because I'm crazy! Hurray for me!

Berdyaev: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, cut down the dicks and jerk them off, every child here knows this.

Camus: In unspeakable despair, I will lie down on the floor near the chairs and look at the ceiling. And then I will die, like the rest of us.

Heidegger: From which chair should the meaning of being be read, which chair should be the starting point for the discovery of being? The question of two chairs is an existential question, cognizable through experience. But given that experience always already takes place in the world and being, I will not sit on one. Look how many philosophers have already sat on them before me!

Derrida: A chair? What is a "chair"? What is "f*ck"? What are "peaks"? These are just words. We are locked within the boundaries of our language and understand the world only with its help. Therefore your question doesn't make sense.

Prison riddles

Collection prison riddles which are asked to the newcomer to the cell. certain places Based on your answer, your future fate may happen. Usually, such riddles are asked to beginners for fun, but the riddles themselves and the answers to them will let you know what applies to you based on the answers. Try to give at least a couple of them the correct answer.

1.TWO CHAIRS (CLASSICS):

There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharp, on the other they are f*cked, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?

2.PLUG:
Direct question: With a fork in the eye or in the ass?

3.SOAP OR BREAD?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?

4. SEW THE BOTTLE:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?

5.THE MAN SENT TO PRISON FOR 9 YEARS:
The man was sent to prison for a strict 9 years. One day his godfather (prison warden) tells him, if you solve the riddle within 9 years, I’ll let you go, well, the man agreed and the warden said:
A 9 letter word, found in every home, ending in “zor”, but not TV. The man thought and thought for 9 long years and still couldn’t guess. After serving his 9 years, he comes home, enters the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.

TWO CHAIRS (CLASSICS): There are two chairs, on one the peaks are chiseled, on the other they are f*cked, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
Answer: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, cut down the d*cks, sit down myself and imprison my mother.
Answer No. 2: I’ll sit on the peaks myself, I’ll put my mother on my knees.

PARACHUTE:
You are flying on a parachute, on the right is a forest of shit, on the left is a sea of ​​shit. Where will you sit? Answer: In every forest there is a clearing, and in every sea there is an island.

Direct question: With a fork in the eye or in the ass?
Answer: There are no forks in the zone.
Answer No. 2: I don’t see any one-eyed people here.

SOAP OR BREAD?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer: A table is not a soap dish, a bucket is not a bread bin.


ABOUT SUGAR:
You and Kent are walking through the Sahara Desert. There is no housing or settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes at the kent and bites him on the dick. What are you going to do? Answer: If a kent has a butt above his knee, then the snake will not reach him. If it’s lower, he’ll suck it himself.

FOOTBALL: They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer: Ask for a pass.

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BROOM:
They give you a broom and say: “Play something on the guitar.” What will you do? Answer: Give me the broom with the words “And you set the mood first.” SEW THE BOTTLE:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?
Answer: Ask to turn it inside out.

A MAN SENT TO PRISON FOR 9 YEARS:
The man was sent to prison for a strict 9 years. One day his godfather (prison warden) tells him, if you solve the riddle within 9 years, I’ll let you go, well, the man agreed and the warden said:
A 9 letter word, found in every home, ending in “zor”, but not TV. The man thought and thought for 9 long years and still couldn’t guess. After serving his 9 years, he comes home, enters the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.
Answer: TV. The question is not about what the jailer wished for, but about the object, about the cat. The man first heard from the jailer (TV), and then saw it at home. And if you read the conditions, you can understand this

We now live in a time when you can end up behind bars overnight, for example, for reposting a picture on Vkontakte.
And once in the chamber, there is a very high probability that the “first mover” will be subjected to various tests in order to expose it to lice. One of these tests is riddles, which you must be able to answer correctly.
So, let's remember!

Two chairs (classic):
There are two chairs, on one the peaks are sharpened, on the other the dicks are jerked off, which one will you sit on, which one will you sit your mother on?
Answer: I’ll take the sharpened peaks, chop off the jerked dicks, sit down myself and imprison the mother.
Answer No. 2: I’ll sit on the peaks myself, I’ll put my mother on my knees.

Parachute:
You are flying on a parachute, on the right is a forest of dicks, on the left is a sea of ​​shit. Where will you sit?
Answer: In every forest there is a clearing, and in every sea there is an island.

Pit:
You fell into a hole. There's a pie and a dick in the pit. What will you eat, what will you shove up your ass?
Answer: I’ll take the pie and crawl out of the hole.

Ass or mother?
Will you fuck me or sell your mother?
Answer: Ass is not given, mother is not for sale.

Fork:
Direct question: A fork in the eye or in the ass?
Answer: There are no forks in the zone.
Answer No. 2: I don’t see any one-eyed people here.

Soap or bread?
What will you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer: A table is not a soap dish, a bucket is not a bread bin.

About the Sahara:
You and Kent are walking through the Sahara Desert. At a distance of a hundred kilometers there is no housing, no settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes at the Kent and bites him on the dick. What are you going to do?
Answer: If a kent has a butt above his knee, then the snake will not reach him. If it’s lower, he’ll suck it himself.
Answer No. 2: Today it’s a kent, and tomorrow it’s a cop.

About the train:
You are riding on a train, chained to levers that can be turned either left or right. There is a fork ahead - on the right the mother is tied to a post, on the left there are kents, about ten people. Where will you turn, who will you run over?
Answer: Today they are kents, tomorrow they are cops.

The answer to all the riddles above: I will wake up.

About the bones:
The prisoner sits on the shkonar, they open the feeding trough and give gruel and dry bread. In the morning they open the feeder again and see bones. Question: where do the bones come from if the prisoner is alive?
Answer: Dice.

About roosters:
There were two roosters, one was fucked before lunch, and the other after lunch, who was worse?
Answer: Whoever has a point is worse off.

Football:
They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer: Ask for a pass.

Broom:
They give you a broom and say: “Play something on the guitar.” What will you do?
Answer: Give me the broom with the words “And you set the mood first”

Sew up the bottle:
They break the bottle and say: “Sew it up.” What will you do?
Answer: Ask to turn it inside out.

Accordion:
They ask you to play the battery, like a button accordion. What will you do?
Answer: Ask to blow the bellows.

P.S. “Today they are kents, tomorrow they are cops,” means that today they are friends, and tomorrow they will betray.