Congratulations on your anniversary in Zhvanetsky style. Zhvanetsky's anniversary: ​​best quotes

Mikhail Zhvanetsky is 79 years old today. Photo - bluesware.ru

Facebook

Twitter

Today, March 6, celebrates its 79th anniversary. The satirist writer, who became famous thanks to his sparkling humor in the “Odessa style,” is the People’s Artist of both countries and for many years continues to delight fans with his work.

He was born into a family of doctors. In 1956 he graduated from the Odessa Institute of Engineers navy, worked at the port as a crane mechanic. IN student years participated in amateur performances, where he began to write miniatures and monologues, which he often performed himself.

In 1963, during a tour of the Leningrad Theater of Miniatures in Odessa, he met Arkady Raikin, who took his works into the theater’s repertoire.

A year later, Zhvanetsky was already working for Raikin, managing literary part theater For several years he wrote monologues for Roman Kartsev and Viktor Ilchenko.

After that, he began to perform independently at the Odessa Philharmonic, then at the Moscow Hermitage Theater. In 1988 he created the Moscow Theater of Miniatures. Mikhail Zhvanetsky is president World Club Odessa residents, awarded many awards.

He holds the title of honorary citizen of Odessa, and was also awarded the Order of Merit for the Fatherland. A boulevard in Odessa is named after the comedian and is decorated with signs with his quotes. And see the legendary Odessa resident in hometown it will be possible on March 11, he has a creative evening planned at the Musical Comedy.

Congratulates the satirist on the holiday and invites readers to remember the most famous aphorisms Mikhail Zhvanetsky.

If you can't love, stay friends!

Nothing hurts a person more than the fragments of his own happiness.

Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt.

Life is like a piano: the key is white, the key is black... the lid.

It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and leave no doubt about it.

It is better to make love with difficulty than to make love with labor.

Everything is going well, just passing by...

If a person knows what he wants, it means he either knows a lot or wants little.

Everything in this world is relative. For example, the length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are on.

It's a shame when your dreams come true for others!

Friends are known in trouble, if, of course, you can find them.

Don't tell me what I need to do and I won't tell you where you need to go.

If your relatives or friends don’t call you for a long time, then everything is fine with them.

You can't stop living beautifully. But you can interfere...

How quickly time flies: you don’t even have time to wake up and you’re already late for work.

Fortune smiles on the brave... And then laughs at them for a long time!!!

One head is good, but a head with a body is better.

The main thing is not to cross the street into the next world.

It's hard to make history, but it's easy to get into trouble.

Better a small dollar than a big thank you.

Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things there are in the world.

There are three reasons for no-show: forgot, drank or scored.

A clear conscience is a sign of bad memory.

Make it a rule to terminate your pregnancy while you are still dating.

The best alibi is to be a victim.

Born to crawl, he can crawl everywhere.

In the questionnaire that I filled out before the operation, there was a question: who to call in case of emergency... I wrote: to a more qualified surgeon...

Better a belly from beer than a hump from work.

In our youth we search beautiful body sir soul mate for years.

***
Sometimes we don't have those we want. Therefore, we must learn to want those we have.

***
There is no need to go with the flow, there is no need to swim against the current; you have to swim where you need to go.

***
No matter how much you steal from the state, you still won’t get yours back!

I exchange vivid memories for fresh sensations.

What is our life: if you don’t get used to it, you’ll die, if you don’t die, you’ll get used to it.

***
They learn from their mistakes, and make a career from others.

***
In men, the body first replaces the brain. Over the years it has been the other way around. The brain replaces the body.

***
In literature, like in sex, the most interesting things are between the words.

It's better to laugh at you than to cry.

***
There are no happy endings. If you're happy, it's not the end.

Do what you say! But don't tell me what you're doing.

***
If a person cannot be bought, then he can be sold.

***
A man has a sense of rhythm, you just need to allow it.

A normal person in our country responds to his surroundings in only one way - he drinks. Therefore, a non-drinker is still a bastard.

Maybe you don’t know, but in Odessa, something quickly raised is not considered to be fallen.

Registration number 0192938 issued for the work:

He was born like this!.. When they brought him in for his first feeding, he was sleeping. His mother tapped his cheek with her finger, poked his chest in his mouth, pinched his nose, but he stubbornly slept! When they brought him back to the “Children's Department”, he screamed! He screamed for two hours, until a compassionate nurse, completely driven out of her temper, secretly fed him from a bottle... He liked it! He really enjoyed begging for something he had no right to! At subsequent feedings the same thing happened, until the doctor intervened and forbade him to be fed “through connections.”

Then he was potty trained. He sat on it for hours to no avail, and did his dirty work only when he was lifted from the potty.

Then there was school. He solved problems, but not those that the teacher asked, but those that were simpler.

Growing up, he loved going to stores. He would order a kilogram of ham or dry-cured sausage to be weighed, and when the seller cut it, he refused to buy, saying: “I don’t like the cut, it’s a little fatty.” No, no need..." Then he went to another department, ordered 600 grams of black or red caviar, then supposedly went to the cashier to pay, and went home.

The bazaar was simply his element! He tried everything indiscriminately, criticized and found fault with everything, smacking his lips with pleasure, and, having eaten to his fill, went to bed.

He called theaters, ordering tickets for the first row, and did not buy them.

I went to travel agencies, choosing trips to round the world travel, and have never been anywhere in my life...

He loved going into luxury stores and trying on branded clothes. He asked to postpone what he had chosen until tomorrow, saying that he only had the card with him, and tomorrow the driver would come and pay for everything and take it away. And naturally, no one came.

He always stopped a taxi, waving the largest bill, and paid strictly according to the meter.

When entering restaurants, I read the menu for a long time, made smart orders, watching as the waiter in his head estimated the amount of profit, but while they were preparing what he ordered, he quietly disappeared.

Visiting jewelry stores, he spent hours trying on rings and signets, asking to see diamond necklaces for his imaginary wife... He put aside a dozen of the most expensive items, saying that he would buy them back in an hour, but, alas...

Opened bank accounts. He put pennies on them, assuring that tomorrow there would be a receipt of many thousands! He liked to watch the bankers' eyes light up in anticipation of profit.

I went to expensive private clinics, spending hours telling the nurses about all the disorders of my body. He had appointments with a dozen different professors, but he never showed up on time.

He made dates with girls and didn’t show up!

He came to some, kissed them, whispered confessions in their ears, and when the girl was ready to say: “Yes,” he said, leaving forever: “See you tomorrow, dear!” Wait for me!” He liked to leave them in lust. He knew that for a long, long time he would be the subject of their gasps and sighs, they would wait for him until late at night, praying for him so that nothing would happen to him...

He loved this game! His whole life was a game! He felt like a Man(!), ruler of the world! He was happy to see how the sellers were bustling around him: weighing sausages, serving sheepskin coats and suits from Corden, gold chains and rings; how ingratiatingly the waiters are, expecting good tips; how agile taxi drivers are; how pliable are women who think they have caught Goldfish; how the nurses fawned over him, expecting a generous payment... He liked that they had been waiting for him all his life, they believed in him, they hoped for him... He was thrilled by the courtesies of cashiers and bankers. While throwing dust in his eyes, he was happy because he punished and humiliated everyone looking for easy money, and at the same time because he was always treated to the highest class!

Coming up with a scenario for congratulating a colleague is not easy, and even more so if it’s a boss! Suggested option - boss's anniversary script "Yes, long live our boss!" designed for the birthday boy with humor. You can organize such a holiday in an office or cafe and it is designed for a friendly team, in which the birthday person - the boss is respected and appreciated and is ready to please him in honor of his birthday and have fun together. This program mainly contains comic congratulations, but, if desired, you can add lyrical congratulations, beautiful toasts and presentation of gifts.

Script for congratulating the boss on his anniversary

Leading: Our hero of the day always motivates the staff, he always knows to whom and what to offer - a poke or a slap on the head... He skillfully maintains the corporate spirit. At his enterprise, in his team, there is a humane atmosphere - democracy. He will not be offended if someone calls him “Mr. Director” or “Mister”!

Game "Help a friend"

Leading: To warm up the atmosphere and team spirit, I suggest a warm-up. We carry out my commands!
We put our right hand on the shoulder of the right neighbor and say: “Dear neighbor, watch over me so that I don’t miss a single glass and don’t drink without toast.”
We put our left hand on the shoulder of the neighbor on the left and say: “Dear neighbor, make sure that I don’t eat a lot of salty and fried foods today.”
Then right hand we put the neighbor on the right on the knee, we say: “Dear neighbor, make sure that I don’t miss a single fiery dance.”
Left hand - on the knee of the neighbor on the left: “Dear neighbor, make sure that I don’t fight with anyone and return home safe and sound.”

Toast chant "Yes, long live our boss!"

(After each wish of the presenter, everyone shouts in unison: “Long live our Boss!”.)

Leading: What to give to your boss?
Everyone has psychosis - It’s better to say the wishes are all random!
We wish together that toxicosis does not torment you...
So that the “damned” leap year comes less often...
So that more than one hair does not fall out of your head...
More positivity and money...
So that there is no life path splinter...
So as not to work too hard...
To find answers to any question...
To have a powerful, generous and loud voice...
And so that luck kisses you passionately every day...
You are our everything! Our eternal brain!

Leading: And now we will find out which of our colleagues will actually give you what.
The presenter takes turns approaching his colleagues with a question about a gift for the hero of the day, while the presenter’s assistant plays a pre-prepared “musical cut” from fragments of songs that contain some kind of gift or wish.

For example:
1. “I will name the planet by your name” performed by S. Rotaru
2. “I will give you half the world” performed by gr. "Nepara".
3. “Mani-mani” performed by L. Minnelli.
4. “I’ll buy you a house” performed by gr. "Lowering."
5. “Black Boomer” performed by Seryoga.
6. “I’ll take you to the tundra” performed by Kola Belda.
7. “Tell me, tell me what you need!” performed by gr. "Balagan Limited".
8. “I will kiss your hands” performed by N. Baskov.
9. “Everything for you: sunrises and fogs” performed by Stas Mikhailov.
10. “If you want, I’ll sing for you” performed by gr. "Roots."

Alphabet game "The secret becomes clear"

(It is necessary to work out questions about the personality, life and habits of the hero of the day in advance.
Guests must answer them quickly, but the answer must begin only with the letter that the host points to. Questions must be asked in order, from “A” to “Z.” There should be 33 questions.)
1.What does the hero of the day keep in his left pocket?
2.What can’t the hero of the day imagine his life without?
3. Favorite interjection of the hero of the day in the early morning?
4.What melody does the hero of the day whistle in his soul?
5.What is the boss’s salary?
6.Who is the boss’s favorite?
7.What does the boss think about on Friday?
8.The reason why the boss was late for work?
9.What is the boss happy to receive on his birthday?
10.Who do fellow subordinates compare the boss to?
11.Who is hiding in the boss’s wardrobe?
12.What is the boss looking at from the balcony through binoculars?
13.Who is hiding under the name “Elephant” in the boss’s mobile phone?
14.Who goes to visit the boss in the morning?
15.Chef's favorite drink?
16.What dance will the boss be happy to dance today?
17.Which musical instrument Is the boss playing the best?
18.Whose photo is on the boss’s desk?
19.What is the chef’s favorite vacation spot?
20.Who does the boss remember late at night?

Comic congratulation "Roll of Honor"

(To do this, photographs of employees are glued to a sheet of whatman paper; it is advisable to turn them with their images inward. A dart is given to the hero of the day. After each question from the presenter, the hero of the day throws a dart at the photographs.)

Leading: Today, on such a significant day, even fate has submitted to you, ... (name and patronymic of the hero of the day). Who are you going to increase their salary from next month? Who are you sending on a business trip to the Maldives? And who in maternity leave Are you releasing from September? Whose name would a new street in our city be named after? Who can you figure out with for three? Who would you invite to a nude beach? Whose portrait is hanging in your bedroom? Whose name would you name a remedy for the blues?

Comic congratulation "Foreign guests with gifts"

Leading: The highly esteemed guests from different corners globe...

(Guests may vary depending on availability and acting colleagues: Gypsy Baron, Turkish Sultan, Barack Obama, Napoleon, Oligarch, Gorbachev, Nicolas Sarkozy, etc. It is advisable to make musical cuts and prepare props for guests.)

Leading: We came to congratulate the hero of the day, All our friendly countries, The rich and famous, Alone and with their retinue.

Guest from Ukraine

Leading: From a neighboring power, There's definitely a hunk of lard under your arm, The rich president of Ukraine has arrived! Respect to you!

(The President of Ukraine can wear an orange cap and hold an iron pipe in his hands - a symbol of gasification - and a bottle of vodka. He comes out to a song performed by Verka Serduchka.)

Guest from Ukraine: Howdy, hero of the day, handsome lad, handsome specimen! I won’t cook for a long time, I’ll hand over the vodka and lard and leave!

Ig ra "Guess the melody"

Leading:- “Guess the Melody” program.

(The names are written on the cards in advance popular songs or dancing, the task of the guests who pulled out the cards is to play the specified melody on the chosen musical instrument (ratchet, tambourine, pipe, xylophone, rattle).
Examples of cards: “Dance of the little ducklings”, “Hymn”, “Sleeping” tired toys", "Gypsy girl". The chef’s task is to guess and dance to the tune played.)

Guest from America

Leading: From distant America, gentlemen, Barack Obama flew straight here.

(The president is wearing a black stocking and a cowboy hat, and he is holding chips and Coca-Cola in his hands. Bodyguards follow him.)

Guest from America: I almost brought the Statue of Liberty here - But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t move it, well! Welcome and respect, super hero of the day! You awakened a fiery fire in me! (Gives chips, Coca-Cola and holds a competition.)

Competition "For the Chef"

Two or three colleagues have balls stuffed under their clothes.

Leading(explains):“Everyone in America is obese, now you will become real Americans!”

Participants' task: behind certain time make the word “chef” out of matches on the floor.

ALLEY OF STARS

Leading: Our boss is famous, famous,
He should be glorified and rewarded.
As a keepsake for posterity, we name him
Let's leave it on the marble. That's lucky!

(Ceramic tiles are purchased in advance and a star is glued onto them. The surname, first name and patronymic of the hero of the day are written on the star. The tile is presented to the hero of the day to the accompaniment of solemn music.)

Guest - Gypsy Baron

Leading: Long road, dusty road,
The gypsy camp arrived for the banquet.
The Baron decided to congratulate the boss brightly, with a beautiful song.
And may he live many more years!

(Baron congratulates and holds a competition)

Competition "Understand me in an anniversary way"

Guests are called and two teams are formed. Teams take turns pulling out cards with quotes from songs and using facial expressions and gestures to show the song.
Task: the opposing team has to guess the song, and the hero of the day has to sing it.
Song options: “Once upon a time there was a black cat around the corner, and the whole house hated the cat...” “And I want, and I want to run across the rooftops again, chasing pigeons...” “Lips like a bow, eyebrows like a house, looks like a little one, sleepy gnome...” “Don’t rub salt in my wound, don’t talk sobbingly...” “My finances sing romances...” “I’ll go out into the field with a horse at night...” “Once upon a time there lived a gray goat with my grandmother. ..” “And they carry me away and carry me away into the ringing snowy distance...”

Guest from Turkey

Leading: From hot Turkey, hospitable Ankara,
The Sultan came with gifts from the bottom of his heart
Brought a harem, just look
They are ready to kiss the feet of the hero of the day!
Just call them!

Turkish Sultan: I give you my dearest,
Real dried fruits
To have a healthy life
Like men.
Understood? Do you hear? I also give you a basket,
It contains great vitamins:
There are bananas, oranges,
May the man be healthy!
And I also give it as a gift.
Sweet gingerbread, which means
Your colleagues will be happy
And they don’t need a whip!
Now let the harem go.
He'll dance for you, little pepper!
Hot and very passionate
Oh, oh, oh, it's flammable!

Master class "On the boss's carpet"

(Colleagues and subordinates of the hero of the day are invited to the harem. Oriental music is turned on. The next scene of this is designed for a very friendly team with a sense of humor. The participants wear beads and scarves.)

Leading: Early in the morning, early in the morning.
There's no point in playing hide and seek with your bosses.
We boldly stepped onto the carpet,
Subordinates, as if selected.
We stood together in front of the boss.
Bowed before your nose,
Smile, step forward,
Handles boldly on the side.
And let's sing all the songs,
Rotate your hips.
They smiled, wider, wider.
It's like we won an apartment.
Ask the boss to speak,
Hands extended in supplication.
We ask together, we ask passionately,
We connect the legs. Cool!
The boss's gaze is frightening,
Everyone is already retreating.
And then back again. We smiled.
Is the boss not happy? He beckons you with his finger menacingly.
Oh, it's intoxicating, so intoxicating,
It makes you tremble like a leaf,
His gaze clouds you so much!
You all rushed forward, Smiling!
Exactly. So my hips began to tremble,
The body was instantly frozen with fear.
Hands again for prayer,
In front, near the chest.
And spinning around itself.
You promise at this hour.
Always be obedient
Shouting loudly: “Yes! Yes! Yes!". P
turning around to leave,
It's like you've gained wings,
And with happiness your butt
We write the boss’s name at once!

Fireworks in honor of the hero of the day

Leading: In honor of our dear one's anniversary,
So kind today, just golden,
We prepared fireworks at the end of the banquet,
I invite everyone to take part in the relay.

(Two teams are organized and selected: a box, matches, a cord (several people), cannons and fireworks. The matches run to the box, strike its side, run to their team, transfer the charge with a kiss, which must travel along the entire cord to the cannon , the cannon should shout: “Bang!”, and the whole team: “Hurray!”.)

Leading: Our evening is coming to an end, we are happy to once again congratulate our beloved boss on his anniversary, and at the end - a phrase that everyone gathered here knows - “The boss is always right!”

ODE TO THE BOSS

Don’t think that the boss is angry, flammable,
Insidious, aggressive and terrible!
The boss doesn't shout, there's no doubt about it
He expresses his opinion convincingly!
The boss is punctual and tactful.
Do you sometimes think that he is forgetful?
The boss doesn't forget anything!
He just doesn’t clog his head with excess.
The boss is wise, friendly and welcoming,
Always smiles at everyone and is happy to listen
And he doesn’t take bribes, and that’s a joy,
He only accepts signs of gratitude.
The boss is talkative and attentive,
Plus he's very cute and attractive.
Doesn't collect gossip, there's no zeal in it,
He only listens carefully to your opinion.
He has no equal in kindness and understanding,
In decency, skill and education,
And he doesn’t like sycophants and sneaks,
Well, he rewards loyal workers!
The boss does not tolerate deception and betrayal,
There is no selfishness, evil and any acquisitiveness in him,
I’m very happy about someone else’s victory and success,
The boss rarely lies, he is a diplomat!

Congratulations from Zhvanetsky

Joseph Davidovich!

Congratulations! It's not age, it's a penny. People look with love not only into your eyes, but also after you!

You are the era of our stage, our life. Our socialism and our capitalism. Everything hangs on these nails.

Yours, with a time difference

Zhvanetsky

10–11.IX-02

Congratulations to Peter Suhrkamp (on March 28, 1951) Dear friend! When you were recently in Baden and Zurich and we had a chance to talk again, mutual friends had already instructed me to accompany our birthday gift with a congratulatory message, and I took this instruction as

To Thomas Mann Recognition and Congratulations Dear Thomas Mann! You recently wrote a magnificent song of praise to mortality and dedicated it to the memory of dear Hedwig Fischer. This article seemed to me one of the best of your short prose works. We, poets, really, all our