An envious person. How to recognize and protect yourself from envious people

Today I will answer the question how to get rid of envy stop envying people. Envy is a common vice that is reflected in various cultures and traditions. For example, in Catholic theology, envy is one of the seven deadly sins, associated with other vices and crimes.

Indeed, because of envy, many terrible actions are committed, which people later regret. But even if a person does not express envy outwardly, it eats him up from the inside, causing him to experience senseless pain and frustration due to the fact that other people have things that this person would like to have or have personal qualities that the envious person wants to have.

This pain is meaningless because it does not lead to anything other than suffering. Envy, dissatisfaction, which is learned by comparing ourselves with other people, does not bring us closer to what we envy so much: money, attention, social status, external attractiveness. Instead of sharing the joy of success with another person or using his example as a life lesson, we envy, subconsciously wish for his failure, cultivate hatred for ourselves and suffer ourselves.

But the insidiousness of envy lies not only in the fact that it causes other vices, such as hatred, intolerance, irritation and despondency. The fact is that envy cannot be satisfied. No matter how rich we are, someone will still be richer than us. If we receive a lot of attention from the opposite sex, then in any case we will someday meet people who are more physically attractive than us. And if we are the undoubted leader in one thing, then there will always be people who will surpass you in something else. The outside world will not allow us to completely satisfy our feelings of envy.

How to stop being jealous of people

All this does not mean that this feeling cannot be gotten rid of. But in order to do this, it is necessary to direct influences on the mental mechanisms of the appearance of this feeling themselves, and not on the objects of the external world that supposedly cause this feeling. After all, the reasons for all your emotions and desires lie within you. I hope this article will help you overcome these reasons. I'll tell you how you need to work on yourself to achieve this.

1 - Don't feed your envy

Many people, when they begin to envy, instinctively try to stop envy in the following way. For example, they are offended by the fact that their neighbor has more money than them. To cope with this feeling, they begin to think: “So what if he is richer? But I’m smarter, I received a better education, and my wife, although not as beautiful, is younger than his.”

Such arguments cool down envy a little and allow you to feel like a more worthy and developed person than your neighbor, whose wealth probably came from dishonest means.

This is the natural train of thought of a person experiencing envy. Many psychological articles give advice along the same lines: “Think about your strengths and good qualities. Find what you are better at than other people!”

Also, such sources recommend looking for what is hidden behind the external well-being of the object of envy, suggesting that you pacify your envy by thinking that the people you envy may not be as good as they seem from the outside.

Perhaps your neighbor's wealth is not easy to come by, he has to invest a lot of effort and, most likely, he does not even have time to spend all this money. And his wife, perhaps, has the character of a bitch and takes out all her anger on her neighbor when he returns from tiring work.

In my opinion, such advice does not serve the purpose of eliminating envy, although it would seem to correspond to common sense considerations. Why do I think this?

Because when you try to cope with your envy in a similar way, you continue to indulge it, feed it. After all, you don’t make this “demon” of envy shut up. Instead, you politely reassure him with a feeling of your own superiority over others or with the knowledge that everything is not as good for strangers as it seems. Is this how you can defeat this “demon”? After all, he will gratefully swallow these arguments, but he will become full only for a while!

It’s the same as throwing a hungry and angry dog ​​a bone so that he will occupy his mouth with something and stop barking and gnawing the bars of the cage in which he sits. But he will still gnaw the bone sooner or later. She will not satisfy his appetite, but will only excite him even more! And his fangs will become sharper, sharpened on the bone.

Therefore, I believe that there is no need to feed your envy with such admonitions. This does not mean that you should consider yourself worse than others in everything. This means simply accepting what is, not wishing any people failure and not putting yourself above others.

The “demon” of envy will die only when you stop feeding it with fruits from the tree of your self-conceit.

I have to apply this principle in my life quite often. For example, I notice that my friend has a great sense of humor, much better than me. I instinctively begin to think: “but I speak and express my thoughts better than him...”. But then I interrupt myself: "Stop! No “buts”. My friend just has a better sense of humor than me. This is a fact. That's all."

This calm acceptance that someone is better than you in something without any “indulgences” from your Ego requires a certain courage. But this is the only way to defeat your vice and starve the “demon” of envy.

Of course, this alone is not enough. It may not be clear to everyone how to achieve this. Next, I will try to give other tips that will help you, without unnecessary emotions, admit that you are not an ideal person and there are people who are better than you in some ways. I don't want to say that you should completely resign yourself to this and not improve your qualities. Not at all. I will also tell you in this article what self-development has to do with envy. But first things first.

2 - Get rid of the sense of justice

Envy is often associated with our ideas of fairness. It seems to us that our (long-suffering) neighbor does not deserve the money he earns. You should earn this kind of money, because you are smart, educated, intelligent, not like your neighbor, who is not interested in anything other than beer and football, and you even doubt whether he graduated from school.

Dissatisfaction is born due to the discrepancy between reality and your expectations., frustration. But it is important to understand that ideas about justice exist only in your head! You think, “actually, I should be earning more than I am.” Who do they owe it to? Or why should they? The world exists according to its own laws, which do not always correspond to your concepts of right and wrong, fair and unfair.

This world doesn't "owe" you anything. Everything in it happens as it happens and in no other way.

When you begin to think about injustice done to you, you look at it from the perspective of those things that you do not have, but are present in someone else and are the objects of your envy. But for some reason you don’t think about the things you already have.

You ask: “Why don’t I have such an expensive car like my neighbor, where is the justice?”
But you don’t ask: “Why do I have a house and someone else doesn’t? Why can I even want this car, and some people are born disabled, with severe physical limitations and cannot even think about women or cars?”

Why don't you ask where justice is in the latter case? Do you really think that injustice is being done only to you?

That's the way the world is. It doesn't always meet our expectations. Get rid of all the “shoulds.” .

3 - Wish people well

Learn to enjoy other people's successes, and not suffer because of them. If your friend or loved one has achieved some success, then that’s good! This is a person close to you, to whom you probably wish well and prosperity, since you feel sympathy or love for him (otherwise he would not be your friend).

And this is just great if this friend bought himself a new apartment in Moscow or married a smart and beautiful woman. Try to be happy for him! Of course, when you try to do this, you will be met with a feeling of injustice: “Why does he have this and I don’t?”

Instead, think about the fact that at least one of you has something and that is better than if neither of you had it.

"I" and other "I"

Many human vices stem from the fact that we cling very strongly to our “I”, believing that the desires, thoughts, needs of this “I” are much more important than the needs of someone else’s “I”.

And envy also comes from this attachment. We believe that the fact that we have or do not have certain things matters much more than whether other people have those things. Technically, it makes no difference whether you or your neighbor drives an expensive SUV. It’s just that the jeep belongs to someone and someone uses it. But from within your Self, this fact takes on enormous significance. It is important for you that you have this jeep, it is you, your “I”, who gets pleasure from driving it, and not the “I” of someone else! There is nothing surprising here. It was nature that made man such that he puts his own “I” at the center of all existence.

But this does not mean that this order of things is final and unchangeable. People very rarely think about the following thing: “why is suddenly my happiness and satisfaction so much more important than the happiness and satisfaction of another person?” If they thought about this more often, then, in my opinion, they would have a chance to understand that their “I” is not the most important thing in the world, that strangers are various “I”s, each of which has something wants just like you, strives for something just like you, suffers and rejoices just like you.

And this understanding should open a person’s way to compassion and empathy, which will allow him to share someone else’s joy and better understand someone else’s suffering. This is not just some kind of moral ideal, it is a way to stop clinging to our own desires as the most important thing in the world and to gain independence from these desires and from the fact that we cannot satisfy all desires.

The more a person considers his “I” to be the most important thing in the world, the more he suffers.

5 - Think about development!

It happens that envy appears for the reason that other people's successes and merits remind us of our own imperfections and shortcomings. Compared to other people, we begin to seem like losers, weak people, and this causes an acute feeling of dissatisfaction with ourselves and envy.

But even if we are indeed worse than others in some ways, this does not mean that this will always be the case! It is precisely from the belief that our personality cannot change and go beyond our innate abilities that it forms many vices: painful conceit, intolerance for failure, rejection of criticism and envy.

A person with such an attitude, instead of developing, directs all his efforts to prove that he is better, smarter than others from birth. Prove, first of all, to yourself. But reality will not always echo his expectations, causing acute disappointment and rejection. This point was brilliantly discussed in the book.

We can develop the qualities in ourselves that we envy when we see other people.

After all, if we think about our qualities in this way, then there will be fewer reasons for envy, because the unfavorable verdicts that we make to ourselves, comparing ourselves with other people, will not be final! We will stop focusing on our supposedly unchangeable imperfection, which is most clearly manifested against the backdrop of the merits of others, and we will strive to change. We can become better and get closer to what we envy so much.

Of course, the idea that we can become as smart (or rich) as our friend if we put in the effort and become (or learn to make money) can inspire a person and help him cope with feelings of envy of a friend.

But, nevertheless, you should not completely convert envy into motivation for development. After all, if we develop only in order to become better than some people, then we will suffer the notorious disappointment. Firstly, someone will still be better than us. Secondly, we still won’t be able to develop some qualities much. No matter how much we want it, we can't get the looks of a Hollywood actor. Thirdly, our expectations and hopes will not always be realized. Even with titanic efforts, we may not achieve what we so desired.

Therefore, on the one hand, you should develop your qualities because it will help you become better and happier, and not in order to feed your pride. On the other hand, you need to accept yourself as you are, especially where you cannot change yourself and be prepared for the fact that your plans will not come true. It's a delicate balance between the desire to develop, become better, self-acceptance and readiness for anything. If you find this balance, you will become much happier and less jealous of other people.

6 - Be prepared to take responsibility for the path you choose

Each person chooses his own path. This choice does not necessarily happen only once in a lifetime. This path is like a forked road with frequent forks. Different paths have different benefits. And the advantages that exist on one path may not exist on another.

Therefore, there is no need to compare your path with the path of another person, because you yourself made your choice, and the other person also made their choice.

If your used car with a rumbling engine is overtaken on the highway by a huge, shiny SUV, driving which you recognize someone you know, then know that this person is following his own path, different from yours.

Perhaps at one time you relied on freedom from daily work, a large amount of time that you could devote to yourself or your family, and not to making money. Whereas the man in the jeep decided that he would spend a lot of time at work constantly thinking about how to earn more. He took risks, strived for more and as a result of his efforts he was able to afford to buy this jeep.

Everyone chose their own and received what was due in their choice, you - freedom and personal life, someone else - money.

But the choice is not always conscious. Maybe your friend with an expensive car at one time chose the opportunity to work for his future, get a good education and work. And at the same time, you preferred momentary pleasure to your future: you skipped classes at the institute, went for walks, drank and had fun. And this is also a choice, although you might not be aware of it.

Therefore, be prepared to bear responsibility for the consequences of your choices. This is your path and you choose it yourself. And by the way, you can always change it. Then what can you be jealous of?

But if, say, you and your friend initially chose the same thing: education, then work and money, but the result is different for each of you: you drive a junk car, and he drives a beautiful jeep. You work as much as he does, but do not get significant results. What to do in this case? And here we come again to the concept of justice.

What determines your path?

You can accept that your path is determined not only by your choice, but also by the direction of the road, obstacles on your course, and the length of your legs. That is, it depends on random circumstances, luck, your abilities, meetings with other people along the way, etc.

If this is so, then everything falls into place. It turns out that no two paths can be the same, every path is unique. And the result of this path was formed under the influence of many, many factors, that is, this result cannot be called accidental. It existed within the framework of cause-and-effect relationships, which determined the final result. That is, everything happened the way it should have happened and no other way. Maybe this is real justice, which lies in the fact that everything happens in accordance with some order incomprehensible to man? (I'm not talking about karma or anything like that, I'm just talking about cause-and-effect relationships that we can't comprehend with our minds.)

I understand that I went into philosophy, but I want to say that all these arguments can be applied in life. Understand that the fact that you are driving an old car did not just happen. This result was prepared by many events in your life; the destinies of different people were involved in it. This was your path.

Even if you couldn’t always make your choice and decide where to move, but what happened, happened. That is life.

7 - Think about the value of what you envy

Whatever a person strives for, he does not achieve the happiness that his imagination promises him.

Therefore, in principle, there are no such material things that are worth envying at all. Since there is actually no significant difference between whether you have them or not. I understand that this statement seems very controversial to some, but if you think about it, it’s true. Remember your childhood, were you more unhappy then than now, due to the fact that you did not have the attributes of adult life (car, money, etc.)? And when you got these things, did you become any happier than before?

I don't think so. But what can be said not about material things, but about some personal qualities. Intelligence, beauty, charisma, etc. In fact, these qualities, just like material things, also do not make people happier (at least not always). They can form a short-term contentment, fleeting pleasure, but one cannot say that a handsome and intelligent person is happy all the time just because he is like that! He gets used to these attributes as well as to a yacht or a car! Moreover, beauty (and intelligence too) are not eternal. Someday they will begin to fade. And then the one who was attached to these things will feel acute dissatisfaction and even suffering!

Therefore, there are practically no things to be envious of. Because many of them do not bring the expected happiness! In principle, it doesn’t really matter whether a person is smart or stupid, beautiful or ugly. By and large, everyone has similar fates: from a billionaire to a beggar, from a top model to a seasoned housewife. After all, it cannot be said that one of them is much happier than the other.

This is a rather strange statement for an article on a site dedicated to self-development. “Why develop if it makes no difference what happens in the end?” - You ask. I must answer this that, firstly, I never thought about self-development for the sake of self-development. I considered all the qualities that need to be developed only from the perspective of the possibility of achieving happiness, as tools of this happiness, and not an end in itself. Secondly, I don’t want to say that there is no difference at all between whether you are smart or stupid, rich or poor. You just don’t need to get attached to these things and believe that the one who possesses them certainly rests on some happy Olympus and therefore these are the things you lack for happiness.

Why did I take happiness as what determines the peculiarity of human destiny? Because all people, consciously or not, strive for happiness. But most of them choose the wrong path and, even having achieved fabulous wealth and power, do not come there. I talked about this in my article.

Conclusion - Envy prevents us from learning from other people

Why is envy considered such a great vice? I already said at the beginning that it does not bring any benefit, but only suffering. It prevents us from sharing their joy with other people. But there is another reason. Envy prevents us from learning from other people. Instead of looking at their merits and merits and striving for them, we silently suffer because of envy, secretly wishing for these people to fail.

The peculiarity of negative emotions is such that they force a person to become fixated on themselves, depriving his mind of mobility and choice: such a person can only think about one thing. But openness, sincerity, respect and empathy give our minds more freedom. And he gets the opportunity to learn something new.

If you stop being envious, then the other person’s world will no longer be an object for comparison, but will become an open book from which you can extract a lot of useful things for yourself. Freeing your mind from envy will help you understand other people more deeply.

I hope my advice will help you overcome envy. But if you are still caught off guard by this feeling, remember that it is just a feeling that you do not have to obey. Stop suffering because of the thoughts that this feeling communicates to you. Just relax and observe this feeling from the outside without any thoughts. This always helps!

Psychoanalysis on envy

There are no people who have never experienced envy. However, not everyone can openly tell another that you are jealous. Envy is one of the most rejected feelings in our society.

Feelings are what we experience inside. But feelings today are generally not in honor, and many have forgotten how to recognize and differentiate them.

The word “envy” in Russian arose from the word “ see" . It is assumed that it arose on the basis of the concept of the evil eye. Many modern people, especially Russians, still do not part with the magical view of the world that was characteristic of our ancestors in tribal communities.

The philosophical dictionary gives the following definition of envy:

Envy is a vice that consists in the fact that a person experiences a feeling of annoyance caused by the desire to possess property, abilities, success of the object of his vice, his happiness. To hide his feelings from himself and others, the envious person puts envy in the form of virtue, justice and claims that the one whom he envies acquired his fortune dishonestly, achieved success through cunning, and his abilities are pure fiction, etc.

Unlike philosophy, in psychoanalysis there are no categories of “good” and “bad” feelings.

Feelings are what they are, like, say, the perception of smell or color - different smells and different colors. You can, of course, say that black is good and brown is bad, but we don’t think so. Feelings are how we respond to different stimuli, coming from the world or from within, and they, of course, can be different.

In Russian, envy comes in many colors – black and white. Black envy is the desire to possess something that belongs to another, but with a tinge of anger and annoyance. But white envy is the desire to possess what he has, but at the same time with a tinge of admiration or something.

But is the feeling of envy always a vice that must be hidden from others? Regardless of color, feelings of envy can help a person achieve success. Without a feeling of envy, it is impossible to experience its opposite - a feeling of gratitude.

Those who do not know how to envy properly, cannot give credit to the achievements of another person and his actions, will not be able to experience gratitude.

Envy is a very early, inevitable and insatiable force within a person that causes the envious person to react to his environment in a certain way. Someone still has something better than me, and that's an inevitable fact of life.

The better you treat an envious person, the worse he becomes. This last observation is particularly important because it has been repeatedly supported by psychopathological data. The more someone tries to rid an envious person of the fictitious cause of his envy by giving him gifts and providing favors, the more that someone demonstrates his superiority and emphasizes how cheap the gifts he gives him are. Even if this person gave all his property to the envious person, such proof of nobility would humiliate him, and he would transfer his envy from the person’s property to his personal qualities: and if the object of envy raised the envious person to his level, he would not be at all happy about such an artificial established equality. He would again begin to envy, firstly, the personal qualities of his benefactor, and secondly, the fact that, in conditions of equality, his benefactor retains the memory of his past material superiority.

An envious person causes the greatest harm to himself. Envy is a destructive, fruitless and extremely painful mental state that causes suffering to a person.

Sociologist Helmut Schock calls envy a “basic anthropological category.” The extent to which envy is social, i.e. necessity, directed at someone else by a form of behavior, is clearly seen from the fact that in the absence of others the envious person would not have the opportunity to envy. However, as a rule, he clearly rejects any relationship with someone he envies. Love, friendliness, admiration - this attitude towards a person includes the expectation of reciprocity and recognition, it seeks to establish some kind of connection. The envious person does not need any of this: except in exceptional cases, he does not want the object of his envy, with whom - if such an opportunity existed - he would not enter into any relationship, to recognize him as an envious person. The pure act of envy can be described this way: the more intense and intent the envious person’s attention to another person, the more he withdraws into self-pity.

No one can envy without knowing the object of envy, or at least without imagining it; however, unlike other types of emotional relationships between people, the envious person cannot expect reciprocity. He doesn't want anyone to envy him back.

The envious person is not very interested in having anything valuable pass from the property of the person he envies to his property. He would like the other to be robbed, deprived of property, stripped, humiliated, to be hurt, but he almost never imagines in detail how he could take possession of the other’s fortune.

An envious person in its pure form is not a thief or a fraudster in relation to the object of envy. Moreover, where envy is caused by another person's personal qualities, qualifications or reputation, the question of theft cannot arise; the envious person may, however, cherish the hope that the other person will lose his voice, his virtuoso abilities, beauty or honor.

The motives for envy and the incentives that cause this feeling are ubiquitous, and the intensity of envy depends more not on the size of the stimulus, but on the social inequality of the envier and who is envied. And personal maturity, which allows a person to overcome envy within himself, does not seem to be achieved everywhere and not always. The envious person, who must somehow come to terms with the inequalities in his life, and the object of his envy, when he tries to ignore the envious person (both of these processes can sometimes occur simultaneously within the same person), will use religious beliefs, ideologies, proverbs, etc., seeking to reduce the power of envy and thereby allow ordinary life to continue with a minimum level of friction and conflict.

Often envy turns out to be so long-lasting and intense, and its influence on a person is so bewitching, that a comparison of envy with a passion that has nothing in common with love, but akin to such destructive passions as hatred, involuntarily suggests itself.

Throughout history, at all stages of cultural development, in most languages ​​and in extremely different societies, people have recognized the fundamental problem of their existence and have given it special names: envy and the feeling of being the object of it.

Envy is an energy that is at the center of human life as a social being; it arises as soon as two individuals begin to compare themselves with each other.

This desire to enviously compare oneself with others can be found in some animals, but in humans it has acquired a special meaning. Man is an envious creature, and he would not be able to build the social systems to which we all belong today if it were not for the social prohibitions activated within the object of his envy.

If we were not constantly forced to consider other people's envy of the excessive pleasure we accumulate as we deviate from the social norm, "social control" could not exist.

An envious person is always told to be ashamed. However, its existence, or the belief in its omnipresence, has at the same time always created enough latent fear of the opinions of other people to ensure the evolution of a system of social control and maintenance of balance.

Although some modern schools of psychology have virtually erased the word "envy" from their vocabulary, as if it simply did not exist as a primary source of motivation, the evidence available to us psychoanalysts leaves no doubt about its universality.

Psychoanalysis asserts that susceptibility to envy is much more common in humans than in any other animal. The main reason for this is a long childhood, which is much longer than the childhood of an animal, and exposes a person to the test of helplessness and intra-family brotherly envy.

Envy is one of the basic feelings that appears in a person almost from birth and by the age of 3 it is fully formed.

That is, experiencing envy is normal according to our human nature, it is an inevitability given to us by human nature.

Melanie Klein (British psychoanalyst) gave the following definition of envy: “An angry feeling because another person has and enjoys something desired—the envious impulse is to take it away and spoil it.” An envious person does not always want to actually possess what another has. He wants to take away his property because of the pleasure the other person gets from it.

That is, in essence, envy arises for the pleasure of others due to the inability to experience one’s own.

Remember the fairy tale about Snow White, when her stepmother was jealous of her stepdaughter's beauty and youth and eventually decided to destroy her. In this tale there are echoes of a mother's envy towards her own daughter, and daughters in many situations are very afraid of their mother's envy towards them. The origins of such fear lie in the fact that once upon a time little girls themselves experienced envy of their mother’s beauty and omnipotence.

If a child was rejected, pushed away, or unloved in childhood, then he simply did not have satisfying sensations, and the lack of his own pleasure can cause envy of the ability to receive pleasure from another person. Unhappiness and deprivation increase envy, because the more your needs are not met, the more hostility is directed at the one who is better off now.

And in the end - the main conclusion about how to cope with envy. Do not deny her, give her the right to life, because without her your socialization and desire for new achievements is impossible.
And most importantly, learn to enjoy your own life! The pleasure of another is the main source of our envy, and our own pleasure is the main indicator that we will be envied.

Perhaps there is nothing worse for a person than talking about success to those people who do not appreciate it and do not feel proud of it. All they feel is envy. This negative feeling can cause significant harm at its worst, especially if you achieve success and conquer new heights.

Each of us has experienced this terrible feeling at least once in our lives. And the truth is that many people experience it much more often. But it is even more difficult for those who experience envy themselves. Yes, with some effort we can learn to control ourselves and our emotions, but we cannot influence the behavior of others. Therefore, you need to be able to identify envious people and take appropriate measures in order to avoid trouble.

Below are 8 signs to spot people who are jealous of you.

1. False joy

An envious person tries to be the first to congratulate you or anyone else on your success. He will shower you with compliments that, at first glance, will seem sincere. But know that aggression is hidden behind this mask. As soon as you leave the room, he will immediately change his tone and behavior.

Such people prefer to pretend, pretending that they do not envy anyone or anything, diverting attention from their true feelings. The most effective way to deal with such individuals is to reciprocate. That is, do not hesitate to approach them and express admiration for their achievements at the right time. This will help you disarm them and make them understand that they, too, are worth something in this life. This way, you will curb their envy.

Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., says, “Don't become paranoid and look at everyone with suspicion. Not everyone will show envy by praising and admiring you. It’s easier to start analyzing your friends and assess for whom exactly you can become an object of envy. This way you will be prepared in advance for appropriate behavior and will not become nervous over trifles.”

2. Downplaying success

No matter what heights you have achieved and how much effort you have put into it, an envious person will try to belittle your efforts so that it looks like a pure accident or coincidence. It’s as if you didn’t do anything and everything fell on your head. This is perhaps one of the most unpleasant manifestations of envy.

The greater your success, the more the envious person will talk badly about you. So try to stay in the shadows and show modesty. But do not lose confidence in yourself and understand that your merits are the result of your efforts. Bragging about your achievements will only cause another stream of negative emotions in your direction.

3. Exaggerating your own success

An envious person will try to give more importance to his own success than it really deserves. This can happen while you are celebrating yours. This is especially noticeable, for example, at a wedding.

But why do they flaunt their success in the first place?

Because most likely they are not as successful as you. Author Bob Bly believes: “There are always people who are filled with negative thoughts - not only about others, but also about themselves, about their imagined inability to achieve certain goals. They are often related to finances and the desire to be richer than now.”

Of course, this may be unpleasant for them, but excess sadness can only convince them of their envy. Instead of making them feel bad, try to admire their efforts and achievements. Become a model of good behavior and you can change someone's behavior.

4. They imitate your behavior

An envious person wants to be better than you, and also to be the same as you. They may imitate the way you speak or the way you dress to make themselves feel better. Instead of letting them get you down, try to inspire them with your example rather than just making them jealous. Show them that they don't have to be a copy of you and that they can be who they are.

5. Feeling of competition

Envious people tend to be highly competitive because they always want to be the one to achieve success. Clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg says of them: “They are either insecure or arrogant and want to prove their superiority.”

You may be tempted to accept the fight, or give up the competition, which may not lead to the best consequences. Try to tell them, in case of the same promotion at work, that “this is not a competition.” Playing against their rules will force envious people to reconsider their position and may prompt them to completely abandon the fight with you.

6. Celebrating failures

Anyone who is jealous will be in seventh heaven when you make the slightest mistake. This could be a reprimand at work or even a bad grade in school. Although they will never show it, they will secretly enjoy your failures. Face failures with your head held high. You can always remind them that mistakes are part of life and learning. If you're not upset, they don't enjoy it. It's simple.

7. They gossip behind your back.

Envious people will always find a way to gossip about you behind your back. And this often only harms you and your reputation. The best way to deal with this is to confront them directly.

As author James Clear notes, “…negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you will stumble upon it. You will fall into the trap of negative emotions, anger and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is. Criticism and negativity cannot stop you from achieving your goals. But they can take your mind off it.”

Since envious people tend to be less overtly confrontational, having a serious conversation with them about what they are doing can disarm them. And this will be enough for them to rethink their behavior or stop spreading rumors altogether.

8. They hate you

If you are faced with a person who openly hates you for some unknown reason, know that he may simply be jealous of you. This is difficult to deal with because each of us does not like to hate for no reason. You can start trying to prove to this person that you want to improve your relationship with him. But maybe that's not the best idea. Sometimes it's better to do nothing. If you cannot charm them and make them fall in love with you, then it is better to simply erase them from your life. You don't need this negativity, and such people most likely force themselves to hate you. Therefore, the best way to fix this is to let go of the situation.

Conclusion

When faced with the envy of others, you can experience big problems. You can try to fight them back. But you need to understand that when dealing with such people, it is better to show a positive attitude and let them know that you are not rivals. These are people who have a self-esteem problem that they need to deal with. And extra pressure on your part will not improve the situation. Try to identify these signs in your environment in time and prevent negative consequences so that you can continue to pursue your dreams!

A spectacular girlfriend, the rapid career growth of a colleague, the stable well-being of an acquaintance - all this can become a reason for discomfort for some people. Even if a person is not particularly gloomy and evil, a feeling of envy visits even the best representatives of society.

Rejection of other people's successes can turn into a real disaster for an envious person. Ultimately, a person will receive such unpleasant, but well-deserved surprises from fate:

• Loneliness. Few people want to deal with a grouch who is haunted by other people's happiness and prosperity. Such people are usually avoided or communication with them is kept to a minimum.
• Inferiority complex. By passively observing someone else's life, an envious person deprives himself of the opportunity to live his own with dignity. All this leaves a certain imprint on his fate, creating and cultivating all kinds of complexes.
• Probability of offense. Negative emotions are often dangerous due to their harmful consequences. The destructive power of envy brings with it a trail of anger, aggression and meanness, which can lead to antisocial actions.

Main reasons for envy

The main reasons for envy on their part include the following life aspects:

1. Health. It is unlikely that a person with severe chronic illnesses will enjoy communicating with acquaintances in excellent health. The situation can be heated to the limit by the tactlessness of such a friend, who will systematically boast of such an advantage.
2. External data. Your best friend should be bald and fat. Jokes aside, but there is the lion's share of truth in this statement. Especially when it comes to representatives of the fair sex, who do not tolerate competition in terms of appearance. If you have a strong desire to make a mortal enemy, it is enough to blindside a woman with an unflattering assessment of her figure or face.
3. Love. Lonely people (with the exception of ideological bachelors) are rarely happy, which can lead to disappointment in life and embitterment. Watching a married couple in love, who have complete calm and harmony in their relationship, is not the best pastime for singles.
4. Career. A successful colleague will always be an irritant to a less successful competitor. Against the backdrop of personal failures at work, the luck of Fortune's favorite will cause indignation and envy among unlucky people. Moreover, even if he works better, completes orders faster and draws up complex projects, he will still become an object of envy. After all, the one who envies cannot repeat his actions.
5. Welfare. It's hard to smile sincerely at a rich friend when you're hounded by creditors and exhausted by a perpetual lack of money. Cases of true friendship under such circumstances or simply good attitude towards each other are extremely rare.
6. Fortune in life. There is a category of people who are constantly lucky. A found wallet full of large banknotes, a winning lottery ticket, a beautiful family without a loud showdown are familiar circumstances for the darling of fate. Such people are sometimes annoying because they accept such life bonuses as an unremarkable and ordinary fact.

Note! Psychologists say that one third of the world's population are envious people. Therefore, one must be extremely attentive to the behavior of those who are trying to enter the inner circle of a successful person.

Signs of an envious person

Psychologists characterize the signs of envy as follows:

• Aggression or sarcasm during communication. A self-sufficient person will not waste his bile or attack his interlocutor with sarcastic phrases. All this is banal envy in its worst manifestation, when someone tries to assert themselves at someone else’s expense.
• Change in the behavior of an acquaintance after a streak of luck in a potential victim of envy. No matter how sad it may sound, a friend is known not in trouble, but in joy. Many people can sympathize, but only a few can rejoice over other people’s achievements.
• Strange reaction of the interlocutor to stories about success. In this case, the envious person will greet the joyful news of a friend with icy indifference. It also happens that the reaction to such emotional outpourings can be extremely aggressive. This release of negativity will completely reveal a secret ill-wisher, communication with whom must be stopped immediately.
• Copying another person's behavior. People who have good self-esteem will never imitate anyone. In addition to outright admiration, such behavior may conceal black envy and anger towards the lucky one.

Types of envy and their characteristics

You shouldn't always be afraid of the presence of envy in your thoughts. Firstly, there are no absolutely sinless people in the world, because a person is often controlled by emotions. Secondly, envy can also be different in the nature of its origin.

Manifestations of white envy

If rivalry does not lead people into a dark corner, then this is white envy in its purest form. There is no need to be afraid of it, because it helps you strive to overcome ever new heights. There is nothing criminal in a feeling that does not lead to the destruction of human life.

The main components of white envy are as follows:

1. The ability to sensibly compare personal and other people's capabilities. In this situation, a person recognizes the superiority of another’s qualities over his own. But it doesn’t make it a tragedy, realizing that we are all different.
2. The ability to rejoice in the successes of loved ones or colleagues. Sincere empathy, as well as sharing positive emotions, even if one would like to be in the other person’s place, shows that a person has a healthy approach to the situation. And even if cats scratch somewhere deep in your soul. Sooner or later, white envy visits each of us.
3. Lack of discomfort after analyzing your life in comparison with someone else’s. Yes, some people live better, some worse. We analyzed it, drew conclusions - and moved on.

Manifestations of black envy

Alarming signs that indicate that you have the described feeling look like this:

• Dislike turning into hatred towards the object of envy. Even close friends can become enemies simply because one is luckier in life.
• Physical actions that harm a competitor. If the phrase “I just want to go to this happy face” has become familiar and familiar, it’s time to start worrying.
• Spreading false information about a person who is somehow superior to the envious person. In order to raise his reputation, but without any data for this, the envious person begins to slander his colleague or loved one (quite often a clear manifestation of this type of envy can be observed in children).

How to get rid of envy

Experts in the field of psychology give the following recommendations on how to get rid of envy:

1. Elimination of the irritating factor. No one advises tormenting and trying to physically eliminate the object of envy. It’s just that sometimes a more successful friend brags about his achievements, knowing full well about the difficult period in his friend’s life. This is pure provocation, and you need to get rid of such friends. An equally slender woman who makes barbs about her friend’s curvaceous figure will bring zero positivity into life. Poor-spirited people who have no place in the environment of a successful person become angry and assert themselves at the expense of others.
2. Tight control over your own emotions. In this case, there is no need to go to extremes, turning into a pillar of salt without the slightest manifestation of feelings. However, it is strongly recommended to monitor your behavior as much as possible. Self-analysis is an effective means of combating such an unpleasant factor as envy.
3. Constant work on yourself. Perhaps a neighbor or colleague is incredibly annoying with his eternally beaming face, when the potential envious person has cats scratching his soul. It should be remembered that a person creates his own destiny and no one is to blame for his problems. At the first suffocating symptoms of envy, you need to direct all your strength to becoming the best in everything and always.
4. Analysis of someone else's life. Digging through someone else's dirty laundry is unworthy of a self-respecting person. Discussing the life of the lucky one with gusto is also not a way out of the situation. However, turning on logical thinking will not hurt anyone. Sometimes the stories offered for review about a well-fed and successful life are nothing more than the banal bravado of a secret loser.
5. Working on your self-esteem. Again, the golden mean is important here to avoid extremely negative consequences. Few people will need the communication of a whiner with a rich past in the form of troubles on a global scale. However, a selfish egoist who is narcissistic to the point of fainting can also remain in proud and rightfully deserved loneliness. All people are unique, so comparing yourself to someone is a thankless and pointless task.
6. Reassessment of life priorities. The psychology of envy is a subtle thing, but accessible to almost any average person. Perhaps a person simply does not know how to appreciate what he already has. Only having lost this in the pursuit of the ideal does the envious person begin to understand the futility and harmfulness of such attempts. Love those around you and appreciate what fate has given - the motto of successful and self-sufficient people.
7. Saturation of life with bright events. No one suggests jumping from a parachute if you have a clear fear of heights, or scuba diving if you can’t swim. Let such thrills become the lot of extreme sports enthusiasts with their obvious craving for danger. You just need to diversify your life as much as possible so that there is no free time left for such a trifle as envy.
8. Meditation. This type of relaxation will help you get rid of accumulated negative emotions. You always need to take time for yourself so as not to later become a dangerous person for society. Relaxing music and immersion in a state of nirvana will help cleanse the soul from bad thoughts.
9. . If your cheekbones are already cramped from envy of a colleague or acquaintance, then this is a pathology, and it must be treated.

How to get rid of envy - watch the video: