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Faced with what beloved child begins to regularly carry “twos” and “threes”, few adults really think about how to correct the situation. The only right decision, as most parents believe, lies on the surface: scold, and that’s all! Look, next time he will be more diligent. Unfortunately, this approach often leads to the exact opposite result: a child who was scolded at all costs for an accidental “D” does not begin to study better, but, on the contrary, completely neglects his studies, and sometimes even become aggressive. Parents, sincerely perplexed, often begin to put even more pressure on their offspring - needless to say, this only aggravates the situation?

On the other hand, it’s also impossible to completely ignore a child’s bad grades - a relaxed child will realize in the blink of an eye that the parents have given up. Subsequently, it is very difficult to “retrain” such a child: if you did not pay attention to your student’s diary for several years, but after some time you began to demand good grades from him, it will not be possible to force a child who is accustomed to “forgetting” to study. We did a little research and found out why you should never scold a child for bad grades. You can find out the reasons by reading our article.

Reason one: grades do not characterize a person

The grades your child receives can tell a lot of things, but not the kind of person he really is. Characterizing a person by paying attention only to his grades is very stupid, but, unfortunately, this is exactly what most parents “suffer” from: in an attempt to reason with their child, they begin to compare his successes with the achievements of some excellent student. Such a comparison makes the child feel bad (since he cannot achieve the same thing that the hypothetical Vasya Ivanov achieved) and devalues ​​his own successes. You should never scold your child just because he received what you think is an inappropriate grade, also for the reason that the grade may not reflect real knowledge: there are often cases, for example, when a teacher deliberately underestimates the grades of children whose parents did not hand over money on time (or did not hand over at all, although this is not necessary) for classroom needs. Unfortunately, most schools are still very, very far from objectively assessing the abilities of each child, and therefore you should not get hung up on grades: in most cases, they still do not reflect reality.

Reason two: your child may think that you are only interested in grades

If you scold your child for not giving a very good grade, or, on the contrary, praise your child for a high result noted in the diary, there is a risk that the child will think that you are only interested in school success. Every child wants to be loved, no matter what progress he makes at school. By scolding your child for bad grades, you can, of course, ensure that he becomes a better student. However, you run the risk of causing your child to develop so-called childhood perfectionism, or excellent student syndrome: It will be quite difficult to get rid of it later.

Reason three: scolding your child for bad grades, you kill the motivation to study better

For some reason, many parents think that the fear that a child experiences, afraid of getting a bad grade, is an excellent motivation that makes him study better. Maybe in some cases such “motivation” will work, and for some time you will even be able to observe a series of A’s and B’s in your student’s diary. Fortunately or unfortunately, in most cases, parents’ threats do not lead to anything good: it will not be possible to force a child to study better just by scolding him for bad grades. Alas, most likely you will have to observe an outcome completely different from what you expected: the child will simply lose the remnants of motivation that could encourage him to study better. Punishment in this case becomes meaningless, useless and even harmful: you not only did not achieve what you wanted, but also worsened an already deplorable situation.

- Irina Evgenievna, you are not only professional psychologist and a psychotherapist, but also a mother of four children, so the problem of school grades is very familiar to you. What should parents do? Scold a child? Punish?

I would like to remind you that “bad grades” are a strictly individual concept: some parents scold for bad grades, others for fours. If a student’s annual grades were an unpleasant surprise for parents, I would like to ask: where were these parents in the middle of the school year? Haven't they seen how their child learns? Now all schools have electronic magazines, they show all the grades, parents have access to them, and they can see the child’s progress in all subjects at any time. Why do they start scolding him after the end of the school year, when it is no longer possible to correct the situation?

If parents are not satisfied with the grades, they need to find out why this is happening: talk to the teacher, work with the child and understand what his difficulties are. But this must be done during the school year, and at the end of the year it is pointless to scold a child for bad grades.

It is very important to celebrate and praise your child's achievements, so at the end of the school year it will be useful to compare the grades that have improved over the course of the school year. Lately, and praise the child for these achievements. If academic performance has dropped, the reason for this needs to be clarified comprehensively: maybe the child was sick a lot, neglected something, or misunderstood something? Or did he not have a good relationship with the teacher? Children may have developmental disabilities, such as dyslexia or dysgraphia. Parents and the teacher should figure this out: the child himself cannot understand why his performance has decreased, and adults should figure it out. Parents who closely monitor their child's studies throughout the year know in advance what annual grades they will receive. But if in this case, for unknown reasons, the final grades turned out to be unexpectedly bad, you need to go to school and deal with the teacher, and not with the child.

- Some parents scold their children even for getting B grades. Is it possible to achieve excellent performance in all subjects from a child?

This is absolutely unacceptable: a four is a good mark. Some parents believe that their child should get straight A's. But to whom and why does he owe it? Parents must clearly distinguish between their desires and the desires of the child: do adults want him to be an excellent student? Does the child himself want this? And most importantly, is he able to absorb everything? school items excellently"? Parents must answer these questions honestly and separate their personal ambitions from the requirements for the student. Parents who scold their child for getting B grades forget that such a “pedagogical” approach cripples the child’s psyche: after receiving a B grade, the child cries and is afraid to go home.

- But sometimes parents see that the child is studying half-heartedly.

I would say that in this case the child is simply saving his strength, and this can be explained. Schoolchildren have heavy workloads: they have to get up early and be disciplined, but their bodies are growing, their brains are actively developing, and their hormonal levels are changing. As a result, they produce a lot of energy that has to be contained, and all this greatly affects their attitude towards learning. But there is another factor: children become tired during the school year. In the fall, children begin to study actively: they are rested, tanned and gain strength, so the results of the first quarter are good. As the New Year approaches, activity decreases, and by spring, schoolchildren’s internal resources are depleted: vitamin deficiency appears, immunity decreases, and performance declines. The child unconsciously begins to save his energy, and grades in the last quarter may be worse than in the first.

If parents believe that their child is studying half-heartedly, they should find out why this is happening and why he is saving his energy: maybe he is more interested in doing something else or playing computer games? But there may be other reasons for studying half-heartedly - for example, missed material that was not learned in a timely manner prevents you from mastering the following topics. As a result, the child experiences difficulties that are beyond his control and which he cannot cope with on his own. In this case, parents should help him with additional activities, and not scold him.

- Or maybe the child is just lazy and doesn’t want to study well?

If a child saves his energy, this is not laziness - this is a kind of adaptation of the child to life. He does not plan to be lazy, he does it unconsciously and he himself suffers from it. The child does not want to study poorly, he is afraid of teachers and is afraid of the disfavor of his parents, but for some reason he saves his energy or switches to something simple and easy, where he has more opportunities to become successful and achieve any achievements - for example, computer games.

- Is it necessary to punish a child for poor annual grades by depriving him of any pleasures - for example, a promised excursion, a tourist trip or a trip to summer camp?

It is forbidden. Such a punishment would be an unfair act towards the child: he still worked, tried, got up early, worked hard. Parents should take a closer look at their child, find out the reasons for his problems and help him learn material that is difficult for him.

- If parents are dissatisfied with a student’s annual grades, how can they motivate their child to be more successful in their studies in the future?

We must not forget that the children themselves are also upset because of bad grades and try to correct them. If in a class good grades are considered something important and valuable, then the child will have an incentive to study as best as possible. But the most important motivation is interest in learning: if a child is interested, he will study well. Gifts, purchases, trips and other material incentives are bad stimulation, and money as an incentive to study is generally unacceptable.

It's the end of the school year. Last weeks Studying is not always easy, both for children and parents. How to live if your child hides a diary, and you understand that you will not have to congratulate him on a good end to the school year?

Your own emotions (negative) are what you will have to deal with first. How much effort did you spend: reminding you about upcoming tests, hiring tutors, buying various teaching aids and the decision makers explained and asked. The “student” was freed from household duties as much as possible. And what? …. All in vain. A year has passed, and the results are not encouraging. And then grandmothers, who passionately love their descendants, will ask you: “So how?” (as if you are studying and not a child). In general, the mood is ruined for an indefinite period of time. You are angry with the child, while understanding that he is also worried, but you absolutely do not understand what to do and how to live further.

There are two options:

2. arrange a debriefing and punish the offender.

The first option is definitely not correct. The child, no matter how poorly he finishes the year, is waiting for your reaction. He will take indifference personally and decide that you are completely uninterested in his life, and, accordingly, in himself.

We will always have time to punish, but for now everyone needs time to survive this stress. First you need to talk to your child sincerely and frankly. When all the emotions have subsided, consider your next plan of action. Bad grades are not a reason to cancel summer rest for the whole family.

What to tell your child?

The conversation ahead will not be easy, but the phrase: “You see, I was right!” - not the best start. Try to point out to your child the mistakes that led him to such an unpleasant result. Try not to criticize, but talk about specific things. Even if a child says that he “doesn’t care what his grades are” (this is more common among teenagers), do not put off the conversation. Although not entirely pleasant, it will bring relief to both you and the child.

Of course, you have the right to tell your “student” how he failed you, but then you should add that you also see how upset and worried he is. Remember that you must recognize even the most insignificant achievements (no omissions are very good). By celebrating them, you give your child confidence that you are noticing his successes.

You should definitely explain to your child that the results of his studies determine how he will live in the future, i.e. HIS FUTURE!

Having thus summed up the results of the school year, you will have to properly plan your child’s holidays so that he can have a good rest in the new academic year correct mistakes and achieve better results.

This happens to everyone. The teacher hands you back a test or assignment that you thought you did well, and then your heart drops into your stomach. Your grade is bad, not even average. Questions flood your mind one after another. How can you improve your academic performance? What will the parents say? What will the estimate now be at the end of the year? To get back on track and avoid this mistake in the future, you need to know how to properly handle this situation. Start with step one of this guide to learn how to survive a bad grade.

Steps

Part 1

Let the panic pass quickly. When we get a bad grade, we panic (unless this is something you're used to). We feel like we have lost our mind, our focus, our talent and our strength. But this is not how things are in general. Each of us can stumble. In fact, the mistakes we make in our lives are what make us the people we are, they teach us how to improve and do better next time.

Remind yourself that one bad grade will not ruin your entire academic career. The educational career consists of many different tests and tests, not just from the assignments and presentations you do in class. It depends on the relationships you build with your teachers; on the influence you have on your friends; and most importantly - from what you learn. Judging the success of your academic career by one assessment is like judging the success of a party by one guest who arrives. Such judgments are far from accurate.

Just in case, make sure, go back to the test and recalculate your scores. Make sure that the teacher did not make a mistake when calculating your points or summing up the final grade. Remember: even math teachers make calculation mistakes!

• If you do find an error, check again and then take the time to talk to your teacher. Instead of focusing on the error - “You made a mistake on my test, quickly change my grade!” – try to be more understanding. Remember that you will attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. Try something like this: “I noticed that something is missing here, or am I missing something?”

1. Carefully find out what grades your classmates received. You probably won't be too upset if you got a "3" or a "3 -" when everyone else also got a "C", because it means you got a grade within the normal range. However, be careful when asking others' scores - they may not want to share with you or may want to know your score in return.

   • If your teacher proportionally lowered everyone's grades, then your result will be looked at taking into account everyone else's grades. Thus, if “4 -” is the maximum score on a test, then it becomes an “A”, and a “C” becomes a “Four”.

   Part 2

   Seeking help to improve the situation

   1. Talk to your teacher about possible ways to improve the situation. Teachers love it when students who have received a bad grade show a desire to learn and improve their grades. This makes teachers feel successful, doing the right thing, a good thing. Therefore, if you go up to your teacher and say something like “Hello, Yulia Sergeevna, I didn’t like the way I showed myself on the test. Can you somehow forget about it and work on writing a better next paper?” , your teacher will simply faint with satisfaction.

      • Even if it is difficult for you, you can get a lot of good out of meeting with your teacher:
        • The teacher will explain to you the problems you got wrong and the ideas you didn't understand.
        • Your teacher will see that you are eager to learn and may factor this into your final grade.
        • The teacher may give you an assignment for extra credit.

   2. Ask for help from students who did better on the test. Helping others feels good, and that is why many students who do well on a paper help those who did worse. Just make sure that you actually spend your time studying and working, and not on jokes and chatter. And try to choose someone you don’t find very attractive and for whom you don’t have a secret crush – we all know what “study” will be like when we’re in the same room with a handsome guy or a beautiful girl.

      Consider telling your parents about the bad grade. Although you may not want to do this, talking to your parents about this topic is still very good idea. Your parents are worried about your progress. That's why they care about your bad grades - not because they want to make you feel bad. Keeping this in mind will make it easier for you to open up to them and hopefully receive the help you need and support.

      • Your parents can sit down and explain to you where you went wrong; they can hire a tutor to help you with your studies; they may also make an appointment with your teacher (although it is unusual to do this after one bad grades), to find out how you can improve your performance.

   Part 3

   Success in the next test

   1. Exercise effectively, not necessarily for a long time. Many people believe that studying correctly means studying for a long time. This is not always true. Purposeful study with enthusiasm often beats long hours of monotonous work.

      Write down your notes and comments by hand, rather than on a computer or laptop. Studies have shown that writing with pen and paper improves your memory, as opposed to simply typing on a computer. This happens because writing letters and numbers activates the parts of the brain responsible for motor memory. Improving motor memory means improving your memory in general and remembering the information you write down.

      Take a break from time to time to refresh your memory. 10-minute breaks once an hour help in memorizing and mastering the material.