Remembrance for 40 days. Funeral poems

40 days after death, what does this date mean for the soul of the deceased person and his loved ones? They may drag on forever or pass too quickly. Everyone goes through the stages of grief differently. But we know that after death a person’s soul meets with the Heavenly Father. And we can help the soul of the deceased pass post-mortem tests. That is why it is so important to pray for a person even after his death. But how to do it right? How to behave so that prayer for the deceased is pleasing to God? In this article, we tried to collect answers to frequently asked questions about why it is customary to remember deceased relatives and loved ones on 40 days after death.

What does 40 days after death mean?

40 days is an important period that appears frequently in biblical history. Prophet Moses fasted for 40 days before receiving the tablets of the Law. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 days before they came to the promised land.

According to Orthodox tradition, after death a person’s soul does not immediately go to heaven or hell. For three days after death, the soul remains next to the body and does not immediately leave everything earthly. Only on the third day does the Guardian Angel take the soul of a person and show it the heavenly abodes. This time will not last long, only until the ninth day, when the soul of a person appears before God and under the weight of unrepentant sins, this meeting can be difficult for the deceased. That is why the prayerful support of loved ones is so important. Of course, God is merciful, but we cannot imagine Heavenly Father the way we imagine a person. It may be difficult for the soul to face the perfect creator from the awareness of its unworthiness. Until the 40th day, a person sees what hell is, life without God.

What happens to the soul of the deceased 40 days after death

On the 40th day after death, it is determined where the person’s soul will reside - in the heavenly abodes or in hell. We don't know exactly what heaven and hell look like, but we have the promise that in hell a person's soul suffers. This decision remains in force until the Last Judgment. We assume that it is especially difficult for a person’s soul at these moments, which is why prayer support for those who remain in earthly life and are worried about the deceased is so important. Man’s sins create obstacles for him to meet joyfully with the Lord. But the Guardian Angel and the prayers of loved ones help the soul pass difficult trials, which last from 9 to 40 days after death. This is also important for loved ones. After the death of a dear person, we can no longer do anything for him except prayers. We can express our love to a person who has gone into Eternity only through prayer.

Funeral service for 40 days after death

Until the 40th day after death, the soul undergoes trials and ordeals. These days, a person is forced to answer for the sins that he committed during his life without repenting of them. On day 40, the Church tries to help a person when he meets the Lord and on the day his future fate is determined. To pay tribute to the good deeds performed by a person during his lifetime, memorial services are organized where the relatives of the deceased can remember the good deeds of the person and find words of consolation for each other. In the Orthodox tradition, death is considered grief and an inevitable consequence of the fact that evil has come into this world, so grief over the death of a person is natural. The Lord created us all for eternal life. But we know that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to give us Eternal life, therefore despair and despondency do not accompany the Christian’s transition from earthly life to Eternity. It is very important that in difficult times there is someone next to the loved ones of the deceased who could find words and consolation and reminders of the Eternal Life that the Lord has given us. For someone to pray for the soul of a person next to the mourners. But swearing and arguing at a person’s funeral, memories of past grievances are completely inappropriate.

Relatives at a wake are united by a joint meal. Orthodox funerals do not involve the consumption of alcohol. It is customary to dress modestly, in dark-colored clothing. One of the dishes of the funeral meal is kutia - porridge, which is prepared from whole grains of wheat, barley, rice or other cereals. Nuts, raisins or other sweets are added to kutya. The dish is topped with honey and kutia is served at the very beginning of the funeral meal. If the commemoration of the deceased occurred during fasting, the dishes at the funeral table should be lean. The meal ends with pancakes or pancakes, if church regulations allow this on a particular day. At funerals, as a rule, they drink compote. The memory of the deceased is sometimes honored with a minute of silence.

Is it possible to remember 40 days earlier?

For 40 days after death, relatives mourn the deceased and intensively help him with prayer. 3, 9 and 40 days after death are especially celebrated, because it is on these days, according to the teachings of the Orthodox Church, that important events occur with the human soul. Especially on the 40th day, when the fate of a person before the Last Judgment is decided. You can remember a person in prayer on any day, but it is these milestones in saying goodbye to a person that are considered important. You can always go to the cemetery and pray for the deceased through the rite of cell prayer for the laity. The most important thing for a person’s soul is prayer; all other worldly traditions are secondary. There are also exceptions:

If 40 days after death fall on the last week before Easter and the first Sunday after Easter week. There are no memorial services held on Easter itself. On Christmas and other twelve holidays, it is also not customary to serve a memorial service, but, in agreement with the priest, a litiya is read.

40 days after death - what should the relatives of the deceased do?

40 days after death is an important milestone in saying goodbye to the Deceased. On this day, a funeral service is ordered in the Church. The funeral table is being assembled. They read prayers for the deceased privately. Unfortunately, there are many superstitions and worldly traditions that are often attributed to the Church. Questions are often asked: “Is it possible to clean up before 40 days after death? Is it possible to distribute the deceased’s belongings?” The church charter does not prohibit cleaning and there are no special instructions on how to deal with the things of the deceased, because everything related to the material world no longer matters for a person who has passed into Eternal Life. The main thing we can do is to pray and not desecrate the memory of a person with memories of his bad deeds or past grievances against him.

What prayers to read up to 40 days after death

The rite of litia (zealous prayer) performed by a layman at home and in the cemetery
Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us. Amen.
Glory to Thee, our God, glory to Thee.
Heavenly King, Comforter, Soul of Truth, Who is everywhere and fulfills everything. Treasure of good things and life to the Giver, come and dwell in us, and cleanse us from all filth, and save, O Blessed One, our souls.
Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy on us. (Read three times, with the sign of the cross and bow from the waist.)

Most Holy Trinity, have mercy on us; Lord, cleanse our sins; Master, forgive our iniquities; Holy One, visit and heal our infirmities, for Thy name's sake.
Lord have mercy. (Thrice.)
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Our Father, who art in heaven! Hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, as it is in heaven and on earth. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, just as we forgive our debtors; and do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
Lord have mercy. (12 times.)
Come, let us worship our King God. (Bow.)
Come, let us worship and fall down before Christ, our King God. (Bow.)
Come, let us bow and fall down to Christ Himself, the King and our God. (Bow.)

Living in the help of the Most High, he will settle in the shelter of the Heavenly God. Says the Lord: Thou art my Protector and my Refuge. My God, and I trust in Him. For He will deliver you from the snare of the trap, and from rebellious words, His splash will overshadow you, and under His wing you hope: His truth will surround you with weapons. Do not be afraid from the fear of the night, from the arrow that flies during the day, from the thing that passes in darkness, from the cloak, and from the demon of the midday. Thousands will fall from your country, and darkness will fall at your right hand, but it will not come close to you, otherwise you will look at your eyes, and you will see the reward of sinners. For You, O Lord, are my hope, You have made the Most High your refuge. Evil will not come to you, and wound will not approach your body, as His Angel commanded you to keep you in all your ways. They will lift you up in their arms, but not when you dash your foot on a stone, step on an asp and a basilisk, and cross a lion and a serpent. For I have trusted in Me, and I will deliver, and I will cover, and because I have known My name. He will call to Me, and I will hear him: I am with him in sorrow, I will overcome him, and I will glorify him, I will fill him with long days, and I will show him My salvation.
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, glory to Thee, O God (three times).
From the spirits of the righteous who have passed away, rest the soul of Your servant, O Savior, preserving it in the blessed life that belongs to You, O Lover of Mankind.
In Thy resting place, O Lord, where Thy holiness rests, rest also the soul of Thy servant, for Thou art the only Lover of mankind.
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit: You are God, who descended into hell and loosed the bonds of those who were bound. May you and your servant rest in peace.
And now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen: One Pure and Immaculate Virgin, who gave birth to God without a seed, pray for his soul to be saved.

Kontakion, tone 8:
With the saints, rest, O Christ, the soul of Your servant, where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing, but endless life.

Ikos:
Thou art the One Immortal One, who created and created man: we were created on earth from the earth, and let us go to the same earth, as Thou Who Created me commanded, and who gave unto me: as Thou art the earth, and thou hast gone to the earth, and even as men shall go, weeping at the grave, creating a song: Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.
We magnify You, the most honorable Cherub and the most glorious without comparison Seraphim, who gave birth to God the Word without corruption.
Glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.
Lord, have mercy (three times), bless.
Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us. Amen.
In blessed dormition, grant eternal peace. Lord, Thy departed servant (name) and create for him eternal memory.
Eternal memory (three times).
His soul will dwell in the good, and his memory throughout generation and generation.

Memorial service for 40 days

There are prayers that can be said for the soul of the deceased by lay people and prayers that are performed on the 40th day after death in the temple. The memorial service is read both on the 3rd and 9th day after death. This service begins in the evening and continues throughout the night. This service moves into Matins. Unfortunately, you can only pray for some of the deceased in private. The Church cannot pray for those who during their lifetime did not want this prayer, since faith is an act of good will. You cannot order a memorial service for a person who has not been baptized, for blasphemers and for people who committed suicide without suffering from mental illness.

Even if the Church for some reason cannot pray for the deceased, loved ones can always pray in home prayer and hope for the mercy of the Lord.

Great requiem service - O Lord, rest the souls of your departed servants (Assumption Church, Yekaterinburg)

According to Orthodox traditions, on the fortieth day the fate of a person’s soul is decided. And it is we, living people, who through our actions can achieve a better fate for the deceased. We will tell you what needs to be done and how to spend this day in this article.

40 days from the date of death is a very important and responsible date, because it is on this day, according to Orthodox canons, that the soul of the deceased is given a verdict regarding its future location. And if the soul itself is no longer able to change and correct anything for the sake of a better fate, then the relatives of the deceased can do this. We will tell you what to do after 40 days, as well as how the living can save the soul of the deceased.

The first and most important thing to do not only on this particular day, but also on all previous ones is to pray. Prayer is the simplest and surest way to persuade higher powers to be merciful and change the verdict for the better. Prayer for the 40th day can be either at home or in church. If you pray at home, you can read kathismas from the psalter, but in church the magpie is ordered. For everyone, in addition to suicides, the priest and parishioners will pray with you. Also, funeral notes cannot be submitted for people who independently decided to die. However, in this case there may be exceptions. If you have received a blessing from a priest, then you have every right to ask for a service for a loved one. If you were unable to obtain such permission, remember that no one can forbid you to independently pray for the soul of the deceased. It will also be useful to confess yourself and bring your loved ones to confession.

Along with prayer in the name of saving the soul of the deceased, you can sacrifice your renunciation of any sin at least for a while. For example, you can give up cigarettes or alcohol - this will also benefit the soul of your loved one. Even a simple refusal to watch TV in favor of prayer will be a great consolation and joy for the deceased.

Another important tradition for 40 days is holding a wake. Believers should be present at the funeral dinner, since those who do not believe in God will not be able to help a person’s soul with their presence alone. Celebrating 40 days is necessary with fasting and simple food, without culinary delights, especially when the commemoration falls during fasting. If there are no posts at this time, also try not to spend a large sum on pleasing guests. Know how to set priorities: it is better to give the money that you are going to spend on expensive dishes to those in need (the poor, the disabled, orphans). This will bring much more benefit to the soul of the deceased. The main dish should be kutia, which symbolizes the rebirth of the soul. Each of those present must eat at least one spoonful of it, after which they can proceed to other dishes.

Don't view the 40 days as an opportunity to gather with friends and family. Remember that this is not a social event or a feast. Fun, songs and alcohol, of course, are prohibited by the church, but you yourself must understand that remembering the deceased cannot in any way be combined with jokes and laughter. Pay close attention to the flow of the conversation. It often happens that during a wake people gather who have not seen each other for a long time. And when conversations about the deceased smoothly turn into conversations about everyday affairs, pressing problems, or, even worse, about what and who will inherit from the deceased, the wake should be completed.

Be sure to visit the cemetery for 40 days. Bring a candle and flowers with you. The most popular flowers for the dead are carnations, tulips and orchids, but you can also bring irises, violets, callas and roses to your loved one's grave. It is customary to bring an even number of flowers for the deceased, for which there is a simple explanation. The fact is that even numbers are a symbol of life and death, that is, the beginning and end, but odd numbers indicate continuation and movement. By placing flowers on a gravestone for 40 days, you show respect to the deceased, demonstrate your great love for him, and also emphasize the importance of the loss.

All 40 days of mourning for the deceased must be observed. It implies special behavior and clothing. The things we wear help create a certain mood for us and even encourage us to pray. Therefore, all these days, try to wear simple, strict and closed clothes without frills.

In preparing and celebrating the fortieth day, it is first of all important to think about the deceased and his soul, and the details of the menu, the number of flowers and other similar things are a secondary matter.

Still have questions? Ask them on our forum.

You will find a canteen, cafe or restaurant for organizing a funeral table in the section Holding funerals of our portal

8.1. How to cope with grief when a loved one dies? The grief of separation from the deceased can be satisfied only by prayer for him. Christians believe that life does not end with death, that the death of the body is not the death of the soul, that the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to accompany the soul of the deceased in quiet prayer. “Do not give up your heart to sorrow; move her away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget this, for there is no return; and you will not benefit him, but will harm yourself. With the repose of the deceased, soothe his memory, and take comfort in him after the departure of his soul.”(Sir.38:20, 21, 23). 8.2. Is it necessary to cover the mirror if one of your relatives dies? The custom of hanging mirrors in a house where a death has occurred partly stems from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also soon die. There are many “mirror” superstitions, some of them are associated with fortune telling on mirrors.

And where magic and witchcraft inevitably appear. A hung mirror has no effect on life expectancy, which depends entirely on the Lord.

– A farewell kiss to the deceased occurs after his funeral service in the church. They kiss the aureole placed on the forehead of the deceased or apply it to the icon in his hands. At the same time, they are baptized on the icon.

8.4. What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral service?

– After the funeral service for the deceased, you can take the icon home, or you can leave it in the church. The icon is not left in the coffin.

8.5. What should you eat at a funeral?

“According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The funeral meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The funeral meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo is boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. They also eat pancakes and sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be lean. The funeral meal should be distinguished from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.

Unfortunately, the bad custom of commemorating the deceased at this table with vodka and a hearty snack has taken root. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. It is sinful and shameful on the part of Christians to perform such a commemoration, which brings unspeakable grief to the newly departed soul, which these days is facing the decision of God’s Court, and it yearns for especially fervent prayer to God.

8.6. How to help the deceased?

– It is quite possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you pray frequently for him and. It is good for the sake of the deceased to work for the Church or in the monastery.

– If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Easter to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter Canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week the Acts of the Holy Apostles are read.

8.8. There is a belief that before the fortieth day nothing of the deceased’s belongings should be given away. Is this true?

– You need to plead for the defendant before the trial, not after it. After death, when the soul goes through ordeals, judgment is carried out, one must intercede for it: pray and perform deeds of mercy. We must do good for the deceased: donate to the monastery, to the church, distribute the things of the deceased, buy sacred books and give them to believers from the day of his death until the fortieth day and after that. In 40 days after death, the soul is determined to the place (of bliss or torment) in which it will remain until the Last Judgment, until the Second Coming of Christ. Before the Last Judgment, you can change the afterlife fate of the deceased with intense prayer for him and alms.

8.9. Why is the death of the body necessary?

– “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the destruction of the living, for He created everything for existence.”(Wis.1:13,14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with hands and words, considered her a friend and wasted away, and made a covenant with her, for they are worthy to be her lot.”(Wis.1:15,16). For many people, death is a means of salvation from spiritual death. For example, children who die at an early age do not know sin.

Death reduces the amount of total evil on earth. What would life be like if there were Cain murderers forever, betraying the Lord of Judah and others like them? Therefore, the death of the body is not “ridiculous,” as people of the world say about it, but is necessary and expedient.

8.10. Why is the remembrance of the dead performed?

– While a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death this possibility disappears, only hope remains in the prayers of the living. After the death of the body and private judgment, the soul is on the threshold of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the short earthly life was lived. But much depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - right up to their complete justification.

8.11. Which commemoration of the dead is the most important?

– The Holy Fathers of the Church teach that the most powerful and effective means for the departed to ask for God’s mercy is to remember them at the Liturgy. It is necessary, in the coming days after his death, to order a magpie in the church, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is taken from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the remission of sins of the newly deceased. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

8.12. What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What should you do these days?

– Holy Tradition preaches to us from the words of holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of testing the soul after its departure from the body. For the first two days, the soul of the deceased still remains on earth and, with someone accompanying it, walks through those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil. This is how the soul spends the first two days, but on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.

Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. The soul remains in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. The soul stands before the Throne of the Most High with fear and trembling. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge to place the soul of the deceased with the saints.

After the second worship of the Lord, the Angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torment of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends for the third time to the Throne of God. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she has been awarded due to her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for forgiveness of sins and the inclusion of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. On these days, memorial services and litias are celebrated.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the Heavenly King and representatives to Him, petition for pardon for the deceased. The commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day cry of the Israelis about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparing and receiving a special Divine gift, for receiving the gracious help of the Heavenly Father. Thus, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the Law from Him only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the desert. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established the commemoration of the departed on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased would ascend the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, be rewarded with the sight of God, achieve the bliss promised to it and settle in the heavenly villages with the righteous.

On all these days it is very important to attend the Liturgy and (or) memorial service.

8.13. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is Catholic?

– Private, cell (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can remember him at home, read psalms at the grave. In churches, funeral services are not performed or commemorated for those who never belonged to the Orthodox Church: Catholics, Protestants, non-Christians and all those who died unbaptized. The funeral service and requiem service were compiled with the confidence that the deceased and the funeral service were a faithful member of the Orthodox Church. Being outside the Church during life, heretics and schismatics are even further removed from it after death, for then the very possibility of repentance and turning to the light of truth is closed for them.

8.14. Is it possible to order a memorial service for an unbaptized deceased?

– The Church cannot remember the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in the benefits that He has promised those who love Him.

For the relief of the fate of the souls of the dead who were not worthy of Holy Baptism, and of infants who died in the womb or during childbirth, Orthodox Christians pray at home (read the canon) to the holy martyr Huar, who has the grace from God to intercede for the dead who were not worthy of Holy Baptism. From the life of the holy martyr Huar, it is known that through his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.

8.15. Who is the newly departed, ever-remembered?

– Within forty days after the death of the deceased, they are called newly deceased. On memorable days for the deceased (death, name day, birth), he is called ever-remembered or ever-memorable.

8.16. What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral service?

– If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order an absentee funeral service, as well as order magpies and memorial services.

8.17. Do the departed pray for us?

– If the deceased is righteous, then he himself, being before the Throne of God, will respond to the love of those praying for him with his own fervent prayer.

8.18. Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for a baby?

– Dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for forgiveness of sins (since babies do not consciously commit sins), but ask to be honored with the Kingdom of Heaven.

8.19. Is it possible to pray for the repose of suicides and remember them in church?

– Suicide is based on disbelief in God’s Providence and despair – these are mortal sins. Mortals, because they do not give room for repentance, remove God’s saving grace from man. A person voluntarily and completely surrenders himself to the power of the devil, blocks all paths to grace. How will the influence of this grace be possible for him? It is quite natural that the Church cannot offer a propitiatory Bloodless Sacrifice for such people and no prayer at all.

If the person who took his own life was mentally ill or was driven to suicide by bullying and oppression (for example, in the army or in prison), then his funeral service may be blessed by the ruling bishop. To do this, you must submit a written request.

Private, home prayer for the repose of suicides is not prohibited, but this must be done with the blessing of the confessor.

8.20. Is it possible to perform a funeral service in absentia for someone who died during the war if the place of his burial is unknown?

– If the deceased was baptized, then the funeral service can be performed in absentia, and the soil received after the funeral in absentia must be sprinkled in a cross pattern on any grave in an Orthodox cemetery.

The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in the twentieth century in Russia due to the large number of those killed in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, a funeral service in absentia is permissible.

8.21. Is it true that on the 40th day, the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?

– Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie from the Church. This is a daily intensified commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until the private trial, which determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order longer-term commemorations in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order commemoration in several monasteries and churches (their number does not matter). The more prayer books there are for the deceased, the better.

8.22. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased?

– If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, was not a fighter against God and did not commit suicide, then you can order a memorial service, you can also perform the funeral service in absentia.

8.23. Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes to the temple commemorating suicides?

– The Church never prays for suicides. We must repent of what we did at Confession and not do it again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not believe rumors.

8.24. What is Parents' Saturday?

– On certain days of the year, the Church commemorates all deceased Christians. The memorial services that take place on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called Ecumenical Parental Saturdays. On the morning of Parents' Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all departed Christians are remembered. After the Liturgy there are also general memorial services.

8.25. When are Parents' Saturdays?

– Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a permanent date, but are associated with the moving day of Easter celebration. Meat Saturday occurs eight days before the start of Lent. Parents' Saturdays occur on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Lent. Trinity Parental Saturday - on the eve of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, new style) there is Dimitrievskaya Parental Saturday.

8.26. Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?

– You can and should always pray for peace. This is the duty of the living to the deceased, an expression of love for them, since the deceased themselves can no longer pray for themselves. All Saturdays of the year that do not fall on holidays are dedicated to the remembrance of the dead. But you can pray for the departed, submit notes in church and order memorial services on any day.

8.27. What other days of remembrance of the dead are there?

– Radonitsa – nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa they share the joy of the Resurrection of the Lord with the deceased, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought from there the souls of the Old Testament righteous. Because of this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called “Rainbow”, or “Radonitsa”.

The commemoration of deceased soldiers is performed by the Orthodox Church on May 9, the holiday of Victory over Nazi Germany. Warriors killed on the battlefield are also remembered on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist (September 11, new style).

8.28. Why do you need to bring food to the temple?

– Believers bring various foods to the temple so that the ministers of the Church will remember the departed at a meal. These offerings serve as donations, alms for those who have passed away. In former times, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th) funeral tables were set, at which the poor, homeless, and orphans were fed, so that there would be many people praying for the deceased. For prayer and, especially for alms, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is made easier. Then these memorial tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the universal remembrance of all Christians who have died since centuries with the same purpose - to remember the departed.

8.29. What is eve?

– Kanun (or eve) is a special table (square or rectangular) on which there is a Cross with a Crucifix and holes for candles. Before the eve there are funeral services. Candles are placed here and food can be placed to commemorate the dead.

8.30. What foods can you put on the eve?

- Usually on the eve they put bread, cookies, sugar - everything that does not contradict fasting. You can donate lamp oil and Cahors oil for the eve. It is prohibited to bring meat food into the temple.

8.31. If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

- It doesn't mean anything. The Lord only ends a person’s life when he sees him ready to move into eternity or when he sees no hope for his correction. “Do not hasten death by the errors of your life, and do not attract destruction to yourself by the works of your hands.”(Wis. 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?”(Eccl. 7:17).

8.32. What soul does not go through ordeals after death?

– From Sacred Tradition it is known that even the Mother of God, having received notification from the Archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, prostrated herself before the Lord, humbly begged Him so that, at the hour of the exodus of Her soul, She would not see the prince of darkness and the monsters of hell, but so that the Lord Himself would accept Her soul into His Divine hands. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them and do everything to cleanse the conscience and correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for man; For God will bring every deed into judgment, even every secret thing, whether it is good or evil.”(Eccl. 12:13,14).

8.33. They say that those who die on Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

– The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how the bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does all things.”(Eccl. 11:5). Anyone who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and received communion - by the grace of God, he can be granted a blessed life in eternity and regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his entire life in sins, did not confess or receive communion, but died on Bright Week, how can one say that he received the Kingdom of Heaven?

8.34. Why is it necessary to receive communion on the days of remembrance of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

- There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased get ready and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of sins related to the deceased, forgive him all insults and ask for forgiveness themselves.

8.35. How many days do people mourn for the deceased?

– There is a tradition of mourning for forty days for a deceased loved one, since on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will remain until the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, intense prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is intended to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, and to prevent active involvement in previous everyday affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

8.36. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

– The main days of remembrance of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and namesake. The day of death is the day of the second birth, but for a new one - not earthly, but eternal life. Before visiting the cemetery, you should come to the church at the beginning of the service and submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is commemorated at a proskomedia).

8.37. Is it possible to cremate the deceased?

– Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults. There is no prohibition in the sacred books to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of Christian teaching on a different and only acceptable way of burying bodies - this is by committing them to the earth (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59, 60). This method of burial, accepted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it with a special rite, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - the belief in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary euthanization of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is a natural bed of repose and who is therefore called by the Church the deceased (and according to the world - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.

If the deceased wished to be cremated, it is not a sin to violate this dying will. Cremation may be permissible only in exceptional cases when there is no way to bury the body of the deceased.

8.38. Is it possible to get married in the year of your mother's death?

– There is no special rule in this regard. Let your religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant life issues one must consult a priest.

8.39. What to do if you dream of a dead person?

– You don’t need to pay attention to dreams. However, we should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for constant prayer for it, because it itself can no longer do good deeds with which it would be able to appease God. Therefore, prayer (in church and at home) for deceased loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

8.40. What should you do if, after the death of a loved one, you are tormented by your conscience about the wrong attitude towards him during life?

– A living person can do much more for a deceased person than when he was alive. The deceased are in great need of prayer and alms given for them. Therefore, we must devote all our strength to prayer: read the Psalter at home, submit notes of remembrance in church, feed the poor and homeless, help the old and sick and ask them to remember the deceased. And in order for your conscience to calm down, you need to go to church for Confession and sincerely tell the priest everything that it accuses you of.

8.41. What to do when visiting a cemetery?

– When you arrive at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform the litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of the lithium yourself, having first purchased the corresponding brochure in a church or Orthodox store. If you wish, you can read an akathist about the repose of the departed. Just be silent, remember the deceased.

8.42. Is it possible to have a “wake” in a cemetery?

– Apart from the kutia consecrated in the temple, you should not eat or drink anything in the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this insults the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the grave “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. There is no need to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

8.43. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, and Holy Spirit Day?

– Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of remembrance of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as anniversaries of death and namesake days of the deceased.

8.44. Is it possible to take a dog with you when visiting a cemetery?

– Of course, it’s not worth taking a dog to a cemetery for walking. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for a blind person or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. The dog should not be allowed to run over the graves.

A practical guide to parish counseling. St. Petersburg 2009.

Death is grief and pain for the loved ones of the deceased. Natural consolation is the desire to help, to facilitate the deceased’s transition to other facets of existence. According to the Christian religion, the 40th day is considered the most important of all memorial days, because during this period the soul says goodbye to the earth forever and leaves it. Many people organize a wake for 40 days after the death. What to say on this day and how to behave?

It is important to know that the essence of the funeral rite is to make the transition of the soul of a deceased person to another world painless, to help the soul appear before God, to feel peace and tranquility. And this is achieved through prayers. Everything that will be said about the deceased person on this day: kind words, prayers, good memories and speeches will help the soul to withstand God's judgment. Therefore, it is so important to observe all the traditions associated with this day and know how to conduct a commemoration 40 days after death.

The main thing on this day is to pray. You can do this yourself, or you can invite a priest.

Christian traditions of remembrance of the dead on the 40th day

The ritual of remembrance has been known since the very beginning of Christianity. The purpose of the ritual is to give the soul of the person who has passed into another world peace and tranquility, and to help to know the eternal heavenly Kingdom.

To do this, relatives, friends and relatives of the deceased must gather at the funeral table. When a wake is organized for 40 days after a death, what should you say to those present? It is believed that the more people remember the deceased in their prayers, the better it will be for the soul of the person for whom they are praying. On this day, it is customary to remember moments from the life of the deceased, focusing on his virtues and good deeds.

Life does not stand still; if earlier the wake was held in the house of the deceased, now it can be done in a restaurant or cafe. The traditions of Orthodoxy oblige to receive more people on this day than on the 9th day, because the soul leaves the earth, and not only relatives, but also everyone who wishes to do so must say goodbye to the person.

40 days after death, wake: what to say at the cemetery?

Visiting the grave of a deceased person is an obligatory part of the funeral ritual. You need to take flowers and a candle with you. It is customary to carry pairs of flowers to the cemetery; even numbers are a symbol of life and death. Laying flowers is the best way to show respect to the deceased.

When you arrive, you should light a candle and pray for peace of mind, then you can simply stand and be silent, remembering the good moments from the life of the deceased person.

Noisy conversations and discussions are not allowed at the cemetery; everything should take place in an atmosphere of calm and tranquility.

Commemoration on the fortieth day in the church

Church commemoration is the mentioning of the name of the deceased during prayer during the Liturgy for the salvation of the soul and the eternal good of the person being remembered. The ceremony is carried out after the relatives of the deceased submit a note “On repose”. It is important to know that this note contains the names only of those who were baptized in the Orthodox Church.

For the relatives of the deceased, the best type of donation would be a candle for the deceased. At the moment of installing the candle, you need to pray for the repose of the soul, asking the Lord to forgive the voluntary and involuntary sins of the deceased person.

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, funeral services (40 days after death) are not held before the established date. If, by coincidence, it is necessary to carry out the ceremony on an earlier date, then on the next weekend after the forties, it is necessary to give out alms. A church commemoration will also be held on the same day.

Organization of the funeral table

The purpose of a memorial dinner is to remember the deceased person, pray for the repose of his soul, provide psychological support to those in need, and thank people for their participation and help. You cannot organize a dinner with the goal of impressing the guests with expensive and delicious dishes, boasting of an abundance of dishes, or feeding them to their fullest.

The main thing is not food, but uniting in grief and supporting those who are having a hard time. It is important to take into account the main rules of Christianity: limiting the intake of alcoholic beverages, fasting and having the simplest dishes on the table.

You should not perceive a wake as a feast. Large expenses in this case are unjustified; it would be much more useful to direct financial investments into charity.

If more than 40 days have passed since the death, a memorial service can be held later, if only the memorial table will be rescheduled. It is necessary to pray for the soul of the deceased on the 40th day.

Main dishes of the funeral table

When setting the table, it is advisable to give preference to lenten dishes. Kutya should be at the head of the table. This is porridge cooked from whole grains, with the addition of honey, nuts and raisins. The dish represents the rebirth of the soul and symbolizes the benefits of eternal life.

The composition of the dishes mainly depends on the traditions of the family hosting the funeral. Traditionally prepared: pancakes, pies, porridge, cabbage soup and jelly. Various snacks are acceptable: salads, vegetables or cold cuts. Among the first courses: borscht, noodles in chicken broth, beetroot soup. Side dish - buckwheat porridge, pilaf or puree. The Church is against alcoholic beverages; in any case, their use should be limited.

If the wake coincided with fasting, then the meat should be exchanged for fish. For salads, vinaigrette is perfect. Let there be mushrooms, vegetables and fruits on the table. The main thing at a wake is to strengthen your strength in order to continue to tirelessly pray for the deceased.

How to prepare a funeral speech

No commemoration is complete without a funeral speech. Sometimes a presenter is invited especially for this occasion, who will help to correctly arrange the order of speeches. If the leader is absent, one of the close relatives should take on his role.

When a wake is held for 40 days after a death, the words spoken at the table should be distributed in a certain order of speakers. First, the speech is given by the closest relatives, then by friends and lastly by acquaintances.

Don't rely too much on improvisation. This is a sad event, and people who are in grief will listen to you. Brevity and accuracy are the main criteria for a funeral speech. Try to find time to practice at home so you can decide where to say nothing and what to add.

Usually all the closest ones come to the wake (40 days after death). A speech given at the table should not consist of a biography of the deceased person, because there will be people who already know well all the life stages of the deceased. It is very good to talk about some fact from life that will serve as proof of the virtues of the deceased.

When preparing a wake for 40 days after a death, poems dedicated to the mourning event can be more useful than ever. They will help you tune in to a lyrical-tragic mood, helping to create an atmosphere of a wake.

You can supplement your speech with a photograph of the deceased or an item that belonged to him, which will prove to those present what a good person the deceased was. Avoid mentioning the deceased's mistakes, gossip and secrets. There is no place for such speeches at the funeral table.

Sample speech

Many people think when they organize a wake for 40 days after a death: “What to say?”... There is no established version of such a speech. The most important thing is to say the words from the heart. But there are still certain rules, using which you can prepare and speak correctly during the funeral ceremony.

You should start by greeting those present, followed by a story about who you are to the deceased. Say a few words about mourning and then move on to talk about the good aspects of the person being remembered. If possible, remember the good moments you experienced together. It is very appropriate to involve other people in the memories so that your story is complemented by good memories. The speech ends with a promise to forever remember the one being remembered.

Still, you can remember a deceased person whenever you want. The main thing is to follow the basic rules of the funeral rite: prayer, alms and good memories of the deceased.

In Orthodoxy, the date 40 days after a person’s death is considered very important, as is 9 days. According to established Christian canons, it is on this day that the soul of a deceased person in the next world receives the final decision about where it will now go. But it is believed that if the soul of the deceased cannot change or correct anything, then relatives and friends will be able to help her with this.

Today we will tell you what happens on the 40th day, according to beliefs, with the soul and what relatives should do on this day - how to conduct a wake, what to cook and say and do when they commemorate the deceased.

Date meaning 40 days after a person's death

If you believe Orthodox traditions, the most significant dates for the relatives of the deceased are the third, 9 and 40 days after death, and they must spend them in accordance with all memorial canons. Moreover, the 40th day is the most significant, since, as already mentioned at the very beginning, this is the period when a person’s soul finally moves away from earthly life into eternity.

From a religious point of view, 40 days is a date more significant than even the physical death of a person. Now let's find out what happens to the soul of the deceased before and after the 40-day wake.

During our earthly life, the human soul is united with the body, but at the moment of death the soul leaves it. But the soul takes away many habits, passions, actions and everything else from life, including both negative and positive. After death, the soul receives either punishment or reward depending on how life was lived.

After death, the soul undergoes a serious test, since it is obliged to overcome a number of obstacles and account to God for everything it has done. Remember the following:

you need to understand that until the 40th day the soul of the deceased will continue to be in its habitat, since she will be in some confusion, since she does not yet know how to live without a physical shell;
shower slowly for about 3-4 days will begin to get used to the new physical state and will cease to be afraid of him, she will become detached from the body and is able to take so-called walks;
it is worth knowing that the relatives and friends of the deceased up to 40 days should not throw tantrums and suffer bitterly for him, since his spirit hears everything and experiences severe torment in connection with this. The best thing loved ones can do immediately after death is to read the Holy Scriptures.

Now let's look at what happens to the soul after forty days. After this date, the soul gets the opportunity to return to earth for the last time to visit the places that are most important to it. Many people who have lost loved ones often tell stories that it is on this day that they come to them in dreams or visions to finally say goodbye.

In addition, many people who before this period were aware that deceased relatives were somewhere nearby admitted that after 40 days their presence was no longer felt, they no longer heard their steps, smells or sighs.

What happens to the soul: it is directed to God in order to stand trial. But, according to beliefs, it is not God himself who judges her, but man will independently be responsible for what he has done in life. It is believed that after the soul is in front of the image of the Almighty, it receives two options - to reunite with His light or go into the abyss.

This or that decision about the movement of the soul is made not from willpower, but from how spiritual the person was and what his life was like.

If you believe the church canons, within forty days the soul awaits what decision will be made about its future fate, however, this trial will not be the last. After all, then she will await the next, final Last Judgment. On it, the destinies of many people will change greatly.

Funeral 40 days: procedure

Many people are often confused by the question How to correctly count 40 days after a person’s death. So, the calendar date of a person’s death is taken, and it is this that is considered the first day from the moment of death, even if it occurred in the evening. Accordingly, 9 or 40-1 days of death will be considered the ninth and fortieth, taking into account the day of death itself.

On the fortieth day after death, the soul returns to its home and stays there for about a day, and after the end of the wake it leaves forever. Among believers, it is believed that if a wake is not held on this day according to all the canons, the soul of the deceased will suffer forever. That is why it is very important to spend this date correctly.

The order of the funeral is as follows:

remember that the first thing to do is pray. You should pray not only during the funeral, but also on the previous days. Thanks to this, you will ease the fate of your loved one, thereby persuading the Higher powers to change the decision regarding his soul for the better and show mercy;
In order to save the soul of the deceased, you must at the same time renounce a certain sin. So, even if you sometimes drink alcohol or smoke, then to save your soul you should give up your harmful addiction for a while. If you do not smoke or drink, then for your own benefit, prayer and to console the soul of the deceased, at least give up watching TV or the Internet for a few days;
A very important point is how exactly the funeral will be held. All those who gather at the funeral table must be Orthodox Christians. After all, if a person does not believe in God, then his presence will not be of help to the soul of the deceased;
you cannot take a 40-day wake as a reason to meet with old friends or relatives, because this is not a simple feast;
The Orthodox Church categorically prohibits When holding a wake, have fun, drink alcohol or sing songs. You must be aware of this.

On this memorial date, it is recommended to prepare and serve the following dishes:

kutya (required);
rich pancakes;
sandwiches with fish, for example, with sprats;
vegetable-based salads;
beet salad with garlic;
vinaigrette with herring or Olivier;
cutlets baked with mushrooms and cheese;
stuffed peppers;
fish jelly;
lean cabbage rolls made from vegetables with mushrooms;
baked fish with vegetables and mayonnaise;
pies filled with fish, cabbage, rice and mushrooms, potatoes or apples.

bread kvass;
lemonade;
sbiten;
fruit drink;
raspberry, plum, currant, cherry, apple, oatmeal or cranberry jelly.

Alms for people at funerals in 40 days

According to Orthodox Christian traditions, when this date occurs after the moment of death of a person, his things definitely need to be sorted out and distributed to those who need it, and also ask these people to pray for the soul of the deceased.

This ritual is considered a good deed, which must be taken into account when deciding where the soul will live after death. Therefore, it is better to do just that, especially when there are a lot of things left.

Relatives can leave behind the deceased only those things that are of the greatest value as a memory of him. Some things can be given to close family and friends. Take the rest to the temple, but Throwing things away is strictly prohibited.

What to say at a wake at 40 days?

Quite often during the ritual, not only the deceased person is remembered, but also all the deceased relatives, while the deceased himself is presented as if he were sitting at the table with everyone.

The funeral speech must be said while standing; do not forget to honor the memory of the deceased with a minute of silence. You can choose a funeral leader from among close family friends. He is obliged to control his emotions, despite the emotional severity of the situation. The presenter’s task will be that he will take turns giving the floor to the relatives of the deceased, depending on how close they were to him:

spouse;
children or parents;
close relatives or family friends.

The presenter must prepare several phrases in advance to defuse the situation and distract the guests when someone tears up while delivering a speech.

Commemoration for 40 days is very important both for the relatives of the deceased and for the peace of his soul. And it is very important to do everything correctly in accordance with established canons and Orthodox traditions.