Dmitry Likhachev: “You must be able to awaken their best qualities in people and not notice minor shortcomings.” Letter ten honor true and false

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Letter Eight
Be funny without being funny

They say that content determines form. This is true, but the opposite is also true: the content depends on the form. The famous American psychologist of the beginning of this century, D. James, wrote: “We cry because we are sad, but we are also sad because we cry.” Therefore, let's talk about the form of our behavior, about what should become our habit and what should also become our internal content.

Once upon a time it was considered indecent to show with all your appearance that a misfortune had happened to you, that you were in grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state on others. It was necessary to maintain dignity even in grief, to be even with everyone, not to become self-absorbed and to remain as friendly and even cheerful as possible. The ability to maintain dignity, not to impose one’s sorrows on others, not to spoil others’ moods, to always be even in dealing with people, to always be friendly and cheerful is a great and real art that helps to live in society and society itself.

But how cheerful should you be? Noisy and intrusive fun is tiring for those around you. A young man who is always spitting out witticisms is no longer perceived as behaving with dignity. He becomes a buffoon. And this is the worst thing that can happen to a person in society, and it ultimately means the loss of humor.

Don't be funny.

Not being funny is not only an ability to behave, but also a sign of intelligence.

You can be funny in everything, even in the way you dress. If a man carefully matches his tie to his shirt, or his shirt to his suit, he is ridiculous. Excessive concern for one's appearance is immediately visible. We must take care to dress decently, but this concern for men should not go beyond certain limits. A man who cares excessively about his appearance is unpleasant. A woman is a different matter. Men's clothes should have only a hint of fashion. A perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and a fresh, but not very bright tie are enough. The suit may be old, it should not just be unkempt.

When talking with others, know how to listen, know how to be silent, know how to joke, but rarely and at the right time. Take up as little space as possible. Therefore, at dinner, do not put your elbows on the table, embarrassing your neighbor, but also do not try too hard to be the “life of the party.” Observe moderation in everything, do not be intrusive even with your friendly feelings.

Don't be tormented by your shortcomings if you have them. If you stutter, don't think it's too bad. Stutterers can be excellent speakers, meaning every word they say. The best lecturer at Moscow University, famous for its eloquent professors, is historian V.O. Klyuchevsky stuttered. A slight squint can add significance to the face, while lameness can add significance to movements. But if you're shy, don't be afraid of it either. Don't be ashamed of your shyness: Shyness is very cute and not at all funny. She only becomes funny if you try too hard to overcome her and are embarrassed by her. Be simple and forgiving of your shortcomings. Don't suffer from them. There is nothing worse when an “inferiority complex” develops in a person, and with it bitterness, hostility towards other people, and envy. A person loses what is best in him - kindness.

There is no better music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. There is no better “music in a person” than modesty and the ability to remain silent, not to come to the forefront. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in a person’s appearance and behavior than being important or noisy; There is nothing funnier in a man than excessive care for his suit and hairstyle, calculated movements and a “fountain of witticisms” and anecdotes, especially if they are repeated.

In your behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest and quiet.

Never let yourself go, always be even with people, respect the people who surround you.

Here are some tips, it would seem, about secondary things - about your behavior, about your appearance, but also about your inner world: do not be afraid of your physical shortcomings. Treat them with dignity and you will look elegant.

I have a girl friend who has a slightly hunchback. Honestly, I never tire of admiring her grace on those rare occasions when I meet her at museum openings (everyone meets there - that’s why they are cultural holidays).

And one more thing, and perhaps the most important: be truthful. He who seeks to deceive others first of all deceives himself. He naively thinks that they believed him, and those around him were actually just polite. But a lie always reveals itself, a lie is always “felt”, and you not only become disgusting, worse, you become ridiculous.

Don't be funny! Truthfulness is beautiful, even if you admit that you deceived before on some occasion, and explain why you did it. This will correct the situation. You will be respected and you will show your intelligence.

Simplicity and “silence” in a person, truthfulness, lack of pretensions in clothing and behavior - this is the most attractive “form” in a person, which also becomes his most elegant “content”.

Letter Nine
When should you be offended?

You should only be offended when they want to offend you. If they don’t want to, and the reason for the offense is an accident, then why be offended?

Without getting angry, clear up the misunderstanding - that’s all.

Well, what if they want to offend? Before responding to an insult with an insult, it is worth thinking: should one stoop to being offended? After all, resentment usually lies somewhere low and you should bend down to it in order to pick it up.

If you still decide to be offended, then first perform some mathematical operation - subtraction, division, etc. Let's say you were insulted for something for which you were only partly to blame. Subtract from your feelings of resentment everything that does not apply to you. Let's say that you were offended for noble reasons - divide your feelings into the noble motives that caused the offensive remark, etc. Having performed some necessary mathematical operation in your mind, you will be able to respond to the insult with greater dignity, which will be the more noble the You attach less importance to resentment. Up to certain limits, of course.

In general, excessive touchiness is a sign of a lack of intelligence or some kind of complex. Be smart.

There is a good English rule: be offended only when you want offend intentionally offended. There is no need to be offended by simple inattention or forgetfulness (sometimes characteristic of a given person due to age or some psychological shortcomings). On the contrary, show special care to such a “forgetful” person - it will be beautiful and noble.

This is if they “offend” you, but what to do when you yourself can offend someone else? You need to be especially careful when dealing with touchy people. Touchiness is a very painful character trait.

Letter ten
True and false honor

I don't like definitions and am often not ready for them. But I can point out some differences between conscience and honor.

There is one significant difference between conscience and honor. Conscience always comes from the depths of the soul, and by conscience one is purified to one degree or another. Conscience is gnawing. Conscience is never false. It can be muted or too exaggerated (extremely rare). But ideas about honor can be completely false, and these false ideas cause enormous damage to society. I mean what is called “uniform honor.” We have lost such a phenomenon, unusual for our society, as the concept of noble honor, but the “honor of the uniform” remains a heavy burden. It was as if the man had died, and only the uniform remained, from which the orders had been removed. And inside which a conscientious heart no longer beats.

“The honor of the uniform” forces managers to defend false or flawed projects, insist on the continuation of obviously unsuccessful construction projects, fight with societies protecting monuments (“our construction is more important”), etc. Many examples of such defense of “uniform honor” can be given.

True honor is always in accordance with conscience. False honor is a mirage in the desert, in the moral desert of the human (or rather, “bureaucratic”) soul.

Letter Eleven
About careerism

A person develops from the first day of his birth. He is focused on the future. He learns, learns to set new tasks for himself, without even realizing it. And how quickly he masters his position in life. He already knows how to hold a spoon and pronounce the first words.

Then, as a boy and a young man, he also studies.

And the time has come to apply your knowledge and achieve what you strived for. Maturity. We must live in the present...

But the acceleration continues, and now, instead of studying, the time comes for many to master their situation in life. The movement proceeds by inertia. A person is always striving towards the future, and the future is no longer in real knowledge, not in mastering skills, but in placing oneself in an advantageous position. The content, the real content, is lost. The present time does not come, there is still an empty aspiration to the future. This is careerism. Internal anxiety that makes a person personally unhappy and unbearable for others.

Letter Twelve
A person must be intelligent

A person must be intelligent! What if his profession does not require intelligence? And if he could not get an education: did the circumstances turn out that way? What if the environment doesn’t allow it? What if his intelligence makes him a “black sheep” among his colleagues, friends, relatives, and simply prevents him from getting closer to other people?

No, no and NO! Intelligence is needed under all circumstances. It is necessary both for others and for the person himself.

This is very, very important, and above all in order to live happily and long - yes, long! For intelligence is equal to moral health, and health is needed to live long - not only physically, but also mentally. One old book says: “Honor your father and your mother, and you will live long on earth.” This applies to both an entire nation and an individual. That's wise.

But first of all, let’s define what intelligence is, and then why it is connected with the commandment of longevity.

Many people think: an intelligent person is one who has read a lot, received a good education (and even mainly a humanitarian one), traveled a lot, and knows several languages.

Meanwhile, you can have all this and be unintelligent, and you can not possess any of this to a large extent, but still be an internally intelligent person.

Education cannot be confused with intelligence. Education lives by old content, intelligence – by creating new things and recognizing the old as new.

Moreover... Deprive a truly intelligent person of all his knowledge, education, deprive him of his memory. Let him forget everything in the world, he will not know the classics of literature, he will not remember the greatest works of art, he will forget the most important historical events, but if at the same time he remains receptive to intellectual values, a love of acquiring knowledge, an interest in history, an aesthetic sense, he will be able to to distinguish a real work of art from a crude “thing” made only to surprise, if he can admire the beauty of nature, understand the character and individuality of another person, enter into his position, and having understood the other person, help him, he will not show rudeness, indifference, or gloating , envy, but will appreciate another if he shows respect for the culture of the past, the skills of an educated person, responsibility in resolving moral issues, the richness and accuracy of his language - spoken and written - this will be an intelligent person.

Intelligence is not only about knowledge, but about the ability to understand others. It manifests itself in a thousand and a thousand little things: in the ability to argue respectfully, to behave modestly at the table, in the ability to quietly (precisely imperceptibly) help another, to take care of nature, not to litter around oneself - do not litter with cigarette butts or swearing, bad ideas (this is also garbage, and what else!).

I knew peasants in the Russian North who were truly intelligent. They maintained amazing cleanliness in their homes, knew how to appreciate good songs, knew how to tell “happenings” (that is, what happened to them or others), lived an orderly life, were hospitable and friendly, treated with understanding both the grief of others and someone else's joy.

Intelligence is the ability to understand, to perceive, it is a tolerant attitude towards the world and towards people.

You need to develop intelligence in yourself, train it – train your mental strength, just as you train your physical strength. And training is possible and necessary in any conditions.

That training physical strength contributes to longevity is understandable. Much less understands that longevity requires training of spiritual and mental strength.

The fact is that an angry and angry reaction to the environment, rudeness and lack of understanding of others is a sign of mental and spiritual weakness, human inability to live... Pushing around in a crowded bus is a weak and nervous person, exhausted, reacting incorrectly to everything. Quarreling with neighbors is also a person who does not know how to live, who is mentally deaf. An aesthetically unresponsive person is also an unhappy person. Someone who cannot understand another person, attributes only evil intentions to him, and is always offended by others - this is also a person who impoverishes his own life and interferes with the lives of others. Mental weakness leads to physical weakness. I'm not a doctor, but I'm convinced of this. Long-term experience has convinced me of this.

Friendliness and kindness make a person not only physically healthy, but also beautiful. Yes, exactly beautiful.

A person’s face, distorted by malice, becomes ugly, and the movements of an evil person are devoid of grace - not deliberate grace, but natural grace, which is much more expensive.

A person's social duty is to be intelligent. This is a duty to yourself. This is the key to his personal happiness and the “aura of goodwill” around him and towards him (that is, addressed to him).

Everything I talk about with young readers in this book is a call to intelligence, to physical and moral health, to the beauty of health. Let us live long as people and as a people! And veneration of father and mother should be understood broadly - as veneration of all our best in the past, in the past, which is the father and mother of our modernity, great modernity, to which it is great happiness to belong.

Letter thirteen
About good manners

You can get a good upbringing not only in your family or at school, but also... from yourself.

You just need to know what real good manners is.

I am convinced, for example, that true good manners manifests itself primarily at home, in your family, in relationships with your relatives.

If a man on the street lets an unfamiliar woman pass ahead of him (even on the bus!) and even opens the door for her, but at home does not help his tired wife wash the dishes, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he is polite with his acquaintances, but gets irritated with his family on every occasion, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he does not take into account the character, psychology, habits and desires of his loved ones, he is an ill-mannered person.

If, as an adult, he takes the help of his parents for granted and does not notice that they themselves already need help, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he plays the radio and TV loudly or just talks loudly when someone is doing homework or reading at home (even if it’s his small children), he is an ill-mannered person and will never make his children well-mannered.

If he likes to make fun of his wife or children, not sparing their pride, especially in front of strangers, then he is (excuse me!) simply stupid.

A well-mannered person is one who wants and knows how to respect others; he is one for whom his own politeness is not only familiar and easy, but also pleasant. This is someone who is equally polite to both senior and junior in age and position.

A well-mannered person in all respects does not behave “loudly”, saves the time of others (“Accuracy is the politeness of kings,” says the saying), strictly fulfills the promises given to others, does not put on airs, does not turn up his nose, and is always the same - at home, in at school, at college, at work, in the store and on the bus.

The reader has probably noticed that I am addressing mainly the man, the head of the family. This is because women actually need to give way... not just at the door.

But an intelligent woman will easily understand what exactly needs to be done so that, while always and with gratitude accepting from a man the right given to her by nature, force the man to give up primacy to her as little as possible. And this is much more difficult! That’s why nature made sure that women for the most part (I’m not talking about exceptions) are endowed with a greater sense of tact and greater natural politeness than men...

There are many books about "good manners". These books explain how to behave in society, at a party and at home, in the theater, at work, with elders and younger ones, how to speak without offending the ears, and dress without offending the eyesight of others. But people, unfortunately, draw little from these books. This happens, I think, because books about good manners rarely explain why good manners are needed. It seems: having good manners is false, boring, unnecessary. A person with good manners can actually cover up bad deeds.

Yes, good manners can be very external, but in general, good manners are created by the experience of many generations and mark the centuries-old desire of people to be better, to live more conveniently and more beautifully.

What's the matter? What is the basic guide to acquiring good manners? Is it a simple collection of rules, “recipes” of behavior, instructions that are difficult to remember all of?

At the heart of all good manners is caring - caring so that one does not disturb another, so that everyone feels good together.

We must be able to not interfere with each other. Therefore, there is no need to make noise. You can’t stop your ears from the noise – this is hardly possible in all cases. For example, at the table while eating. Therefore, there is no need to slurp, no need to loudly put your fork on the plate, noisily suck in soup, speak loudly at dinner or talk with your mouth full so that your neighbors do not have concerns. And you don’t need to put your elbows on the table - again, so as not to disturb your neighbor. It is necessary to be neatly dressed because this shows respect for others - guests, hosts, or just passers-by: it should not be disgusting to look at you. There is no need to bore your neighbors with continuous jokes, witticisms and anecdotes, especially those that have already been told to your listeners by someone. This puts your listeners in an awkward position. Try not only to entertain others, but also to let others tell you something. Manners, clothing, gait, all behavior should be restrained and... beautiful. For any beauty does not tire. She is "social". And there is always a deep meaning in so-called good manners. Do not think that good manners are just manners, that is, something superficial. By your behavior you reveal your essence. You need to cultivate in yourself not so much manners as what is expressed in manners, a caring attitude towards the world: towards society, towards nature, towards animals and birds, towards plants, towards the beauty of the area, towards the past of the places where you live, etc. d.

You don’t need to memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing – the need to respect others. And if you have this and a little more resourcefulness, then manners will come to you on their own, or, better said, the memory of the rules of good behavior, the desire and ability to apply them will come.

Letter fourteen
About bad and good influences

In the life of every person there is a curious age-related phenomenon: third-party influences. These outside influences are usually extremely strong when a boy or girl begins to become an adult - at a turning point. Then the power of these influences passes. But boys and girls need to remember about influences, their “pathology”, and sometimes normality.

Maybe there is no special pathology here: just a growing person, a boy or a girl, wants to quickly become an adult, independent. But, becoming independent, they strive to free themselves, first of all, from the influence of their family. The idea of their “childhood” is associated with their family. The family itself is partly to blame for this, as it does not notice that their “child,” if not grown up, then wants to be an adult. But the habit of obeying has not yet passed, and so he obeys the one who recognized him as an adult - sometimes a person who has not yet become an adult and truly independent.

Influences are both good and bad. Remember this. But you should be wary of bad influences. Because a person with a will does not succumb to bad influence, he chooses his own path. A weak-willed person succumbs to bad influences. Be afraid of unconscious influences, especially if you do not yet know how to accurately and clearly distinguish good from bad, if you like the praise and approval of your comrades, no matter what these praises and approvals may be: as long as they are praised.

The master of artistic expression focuses on an important problem: the dependence of a person’s “content” on his “form.” Likhachev writes that you can and even need to be cheerful, but in moderation. There is no need to be intrusive and noisy, because this belittles those around you. Also, don’t be ashamed of your shyness; it only becomes funny when you yourself are ashamed of it or try too hard to overcome it. The author notes that this can contribute to the development of an inferiority complex, and with it other bad qualities.

Likhachev's position is quite clearly expressed.

He talks about a person’s appearance, which reflects his “form”, becoming his elegant “content”. By attractive “form” he means simplicity, truthfulness, lack of pretension in clothing and behavior.

I agree with Likhachev's position. Indeed, in many ways, a person’s behavior, his shortcomings and how he treats them determines his “content”.

Firstly, in Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s fairy tale “The Little Prince,” the main character meets a man on one of the planets who is dressed to the nines. He admires his appearance and constantly asks himself to be applauded. The little prince finds his behavior funny and strange. The way he dresses and his narcissistic behavior determines his far from pleasant “content.”

Secondly, in the novel by F.M. Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment" the main character is a rather timid person.

Sonechka is silent. This attractive “form” has become her elegant “content”, because she is characterized by such qualities as kindness and compassion.

This text confirmed my opinion that not only “content” determines “form”, but “content” also depends on “form”.

Updated: 2017-07-29

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Dmitry Sergeevich Likhachev (1906-1999) - Soviet and Russian philologist, cultural critic, art critic, academician of the Russian Academy of Sciences (USSR Academy of Sciences until 1991). Chairman of the Board of the Russian (Soviet until 1991) Cultural Foundation (1986-1993). Author of fundamental works devoted to the history of Russian literature (mainly Old Russian) and Russian culture. The text is based on the publication: Likhachev D. Notes on Russian. - M.: KoLibri, Azbuka-Atticus, 2014.

About life and death

Koran: “Be sure to plant a tree, even if the end of the world comes tomorrow.” You must live morally as if you were to die today, and work as if you were immortal. Predictions and foresight in science and prophecy are not so far from each other: both are not statements of inevitability, but forecasts at the moment and in given conditions. Inevitability is always destructive for morality. A person is capable of changing the future to one degree or another - at least his own. When Saint Gonzago, Roman seminarian was asked while playing ball with his peers what he would do if he were told firmly that the world was about to end - he said: “I would continue to play ball.” But this, of course, is the case complete inevitability. But his real answer to his conscience, when he could change something, was different - it was given by his death: he died at the age of 23, caring for plague patients.

Notes and observations
But clearly the happiness is fighting
It's starting to serve us.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
We are pressing the Swedes, army after army;
The glory of their banners is darkening,
And God fights with grace
Our every step is captured.

Happiness can only be through combat—only something we have won. There is no such thing as eternal, permanent happiness. You can't be happy when there are people suffering. But you can be happy with something that has now been mined and received. A television announcer in one of his programs stopped people on the street and asked: what do you think happiness consists of? In response, millions of people listened to baby talk. Something like: “Happiness is when there is prosperity at home and good work at work” or “Happiness is when my girls grow up beautiful, healthy and get married well.” This is all philistinism. And even when big people insisted: “This is harmony between something and something,” they didn’t go far. You can only be happy for a short period of time after achieving something, and after that new worries begin, because, I repeat, there is no happiness for anyone as long as there is unhappiness nearby.

I am eighty years old. How should we feel about this? Respectable age! Life would be incomplete if there were no sadness and grief in it. It's cruel to think so, but it's true. Is it possible to jump out of your era in your worldview? Of course not. Any attempt to return to any century or jump far ahead - into the future - is impossible. A person lives in his own era, in his own years, and only in his own. But this does not mean that he should blindly follow the era, the dominant worldview. A person has free will and is obliged to choose, is obliged to create something new. He is a creative being. If he ceases to be a creative being and to be focused on the future (his own and that of his country), he ceases to be a Man. In life, you must be able to soar above the era and in the era, choosing those air currents that go from bottom to top, or, at some moments, glide through the air without falling.

They console: transmigration of souls! But what consolation can there be when a soul moves alone, to someone else’s family, to a different way of life, and from childhood does not remember anything from its previous life (even if it could) and only shouts: “Wa, wa!!” They summon spirits by turning the table. The dead, even the most famous and arch-genius, speak to the people who called them completely at their level: nothing interesting, incredible, no brilliant advice, instructions, instructions, except the most banal. But at the same time, something should remain? The law of conservation of energy concerns mental and spiritual energy. But this energy still does not have a personal form for long. At first (for more than a year) I dreamed of Faith and consoled me, but now it doesn’t. Her energy has dissolved, and where Vera (daughter) was, I feel emptiness... Nine days, forty days, a year - that’s all. Can't people who lived a million years ago continue to exist after the grave now? This is unimaginable. “There won’t be enough space,” without even inventing settlement for them throughout the Universe: the method proposed by N. Fedorov. If a person does not care about anyone or anything, his life is also “spiritless.” He needs to suffer from something, to think about something. Even in love there must be a share of dissatisfaction (“I didn’t do everything I could”).

A person’s life is not separate events connected in an irregular sequence, but a kind of organism, a “biographical whole.” Actions and events are only links in a chain that has its own form, its own spirituality and its own individuality. There is individuality - like a person, and there is individuality - like his life. The latter depends on the first, but both are complete wholes. And a person should know this, and not complain (“unlucky in life”). A shepherd who was 110 years old, but who never or rarely came down from his mountains, lived a short life. “Don’t you have eternity to rest...” “Et in Arkadia ego” (“And in Arkadia I”). The meaning of this well-known, but also unclear in origin, saying has been interpreted differently. In the Rococo era, it was believed that the “I” (ego) is death. Death makes its presence known even in happy Arcadia. In Rococo gardens, for all their “happy essence,” there were very often gravestones or monuments dedicated to the dead - friends, relatives.

There are such monuments, for example, in Pavlovsky Park. In the Uzkom estate near Moscow, on one of the paintings depicting a garden, there is a sarcophagus with the same inscription. In the happiest moments of his life, a person should not forget about his mortality. At the Ethnographic Museum in Budapest I was told that on the first day of her marriage a woman had to make the first stitches on her shroud. This shroud was made red. After twenty-five years it was supposed to be ready, and the woman began to embroider the blue shroud. Twenty-five years later she was preparing a white shroud for herself. “Folk art is not only beautiful, it is wise,” a museum employee told me.

Atanas Dalchev treated death with extraordinary wise reconciliation. Here is one observation about old age as a transition into oblivion: “Having reached a certain age, you begin to understand that life, in essence, is a continuous loss. You lose not only your teeth, hair, the shine of your eyes, but also all the strength and wealth of your soul: abilities, affections, memories, feelings and even desires. One after another, the cables that attached the spirit to the ground fall, cut, and, almost freed, it trembles with its own lightness.” And again: “With the death of our loved ones, we gradually die.” And here is a wonderful poem by Atanas Dalchev “Evening” on the same topic, translated by Maria Petrov:

I wander alone through the streets, where it’s evening
over the red-red roof tiles
the same red-red burns out.
And, looking at the sunset, I remember:
now he is blushing over Naples,
and the windows of the upper floors shine,
reflecting flaming glare,
and the Gulf of Naples
the waves touched by the wind brighten,
and ripple like the grass in a meadow,
and return in a lowing herd
Steamships arrive at the noisy port in the evening.
There's a motley crowd on the embankment
sends this one off with blessings
the past day, lived carefree,
but now I’m no longer in that crowd.

The sunset is now burning over Paris.
The Luxembourg Gardens are locked there.
The trumpet sounds persistent and passionate,
and as if in response to her drawn-out call
Dusk descends into the white alleys.
A crowd of children follows the watchman
and listens in silence, in rapture
the commanding song of copper,
and everyone would like to be closer
to the magical trumpet player.

From those carved gates, wide open,
people come out cheerfully and noisily,
but now I am no longer in their crowd.
Why can't we do it at the same time?
to be there and here, always and wherever
Is life bubbling powerfully and endlessly?
We are dying irresistibly
we die every day, disappearing
from there and from here - from everywhere,
until we finally disappear completely.

I met A. Dalchev in 1973 as an old man on the corner of Russian Boulevard and Rakovsky Street - in the noisiest place in Sofia. P.N. Dinekov introduced us. I don’t remember what words we exchanged, but I vividly remember only the feeling of peace and silence with which, despite the noise of the evening streets of Sofia, Atanas Dalchev was surrounded... And the next year, 1974, he sent me his book “Favorites”.

I dreamed that I was writing a story

An elderly, emaciated man stands on a dirty staircase and shouts through the window:
“Ira, Ira!
Keep my money. Just sew yourself a coat. It's better not fashionable to wear for a long time. Neutral! So that it could be changed. Be sure to sew. And good quality. And keep the rest of the money. I will need them. Us! Can you hear me? I will be thinking about you. They don't grow old here. That's what they say. We will live well. I'm almost used to it. It's not so scary.
God bless you!"
All...
14.III.68

Man artist

And there was one day.
One day.
It was raining outside.
A man came from work and said: “Wife (he always called his wife wife), don’t heat up dinner. Give me some tea!
He lay down on the sofa without taking off his boots.
And he died.
When the commotion was over, the wife took the cold glass of tea in her hand, was amazed that the glass was so cold, and then she just started crying and realized. And from that moment her grief began to grow.

Old age is sadness. It is so important in old age for others to understand your old age. Dealing with old people is not easy. It is clear. But you need to communicate, and you need to make this communication easy and simple. Old age makes people grumpier and more talkative (remember the saying: “The weather becomes rainier in autumn, and people become more talkative in old age”). It is not easy for the young to bear the deafness of the old. Old people don’t hear enough, answer inappropriately, and ask again. When talking to them, you need to raise your voice so that the old people can hear. And when you raise your voice, you involuntarily begin to get irritated (our feelings often depend on our behavior than our behavior depends on our feelings).

An old person is often offended (increased touchiness is a characteristic of old people). In a word, it is difficult not only to be old, but also difficult to be with old people. Nevertheless, young people must understand: we will all be old. And we must also remember: the experience of old people can be very useful. And experience, and knowledge, and wisdom, and humor, and stories about the past, and moral teachings. Let's remember Pushkin's Arina Rodionovna. A young man may say: “But my grandmother is not Arina Rodionovna at all!” But I am convinced of the opposite: any grandmother, if her grandchildren want, can be Arina Rodionovna. Arina Rodionovna would not have become for everyone what Pushkin made her for himself. Arina Rodionovna showed signs of old age: for example, she fell asleep while working. Remember:

And the knitting needles hesitate every minute
In your wrinkled hands.

What does the word “slow” mean? She did not always hesitate, but “minute by minute,” from time to time, that is, as happens with old people who fall asleep from time to time. And Pushkin knew how to find sweet traits in Arina Rodionovna’s senile weaknesses: charm and poetry. Notice with what love and care Pushkin writes about the senile features of his nanny:

Longing, premonitions, worries
Your chest is constantly being squeezed,
It seems to you...

The poems remained unfinished. Arina Rodionovna became close to all of us precisely because Pushkin was next to her. If it weren’t for Pushkin, she would have remained in the short memory of those around her as a talkative, constantly dozing off and preoccupied old woman. But Pushkin found the best features in her and transformed her. Pushkin's muse was kind. People, communicating, create each other. Some people know how to bring out the best in others. Others do not know how to do this and themselves become unpleasant, annoying, irritable, and sadly boring. Old people are not only grumpy, but also kind, not only talkative, but also excellent storytellers, not only deaf, but have a good ear for old songs. Almost every person combines different traits. Of course, some features predominate, others are hidden and suppressed. You must be able to awaken their best qualities in people and not notice minor shortcomings. Hurry to establish good relationships with people. Almost always, good relationships are established from the first words. Then it’s more difficult. Old trees are the subject of intense care and veneration in the Baltics, the Caucasus, the Balkans...

In Montenegro, two-thousand-year-old olive trees are amazingly beautiful (near the city of Budva). In Bulgaria, images of “one old tree” growing near a town are being circulated... I forgot which one. The year of his “birth” is 16... I also forgot, but I remember clearly, the 17th century. And in our village of Kolomenskoye, trees (oaks) are 500 years old and do not receive due respect and attention. They are dying. Maybe this phenomenon is generally typical for us Russians, when old people are not given a seat in transport? What a contrast with the Caucasus! We traveled in 1987 along the Volga on a ship, on which there were many Georgian passengers with children. A Georgian boy of about 13, whom everyone on the ship considered a big naughty man, was one of the first to get off at each pier and helped my wife and I and other elderly people get off at the gangway! One Canadian told me that their old trees, the old ones, receive medals, and these medals are attached to them. There are record-breaking trees: the oldest in their area, the tallest, the thickest in the trunk. In Estonia and Latvia, all old trees are registered.

In pagan times in Rus' there was worship of old trees and there were sacred groves. Near Novgorod, there still exists a “sacred grove” in the Peryn tract (from “Perun” - his idol stood here). But no one cares about the safety of the grove, and the self-renewal of the pine trees has stopped. They set up some kind of holiday home, or maybe a tourist center (I don’t remember), and the roots of the pine trees are trampled down, the earth around the pine trees becomes compacted, and no one is bothered by it. Why do old people in some areas live up to 100 years or more? In the Caucasus, Abkhazia, Bulgaria! They look for answers either in the mountain air, or in their usual way of life, or in Bulgarian sour milk, etc., etc. But the matter, it seems to me, is simpler: old people live longer where they are respected, where they feel better, where, how they seem to be more useful with their advice.

Floors of care. Caring strengthens relationships between people. It binds families together, binds friendships, binds together fellow villagers, residents of one city, one country.

Trace a person's life.

A person is born, and the first care for him is his mother; gradually (after just a few days) the father’s care for him comes into direct contact with the child (before the birth of the child, there was already care for him, but it was to a certain extent “abstract” - the parents were preparing for the birth of the child, dreaming about him).

The feeling of caring for another appears very early, especially in girls. The girl doesn’t speak yet, but she’s already trying to take care of the doll, nursing it. Boys, very small, love to pick mushrooms and fish. Girls also like to pick berries and mushrooms. And they collect not only for themselves, but for the whole family. They take it home and prepare it for the winter.

Gradually, children become objects of increasingly higher care and themselves begin to show real and broad care - not only about the family, but also about the school where parental care placed them, about their village, city and country...

Concern is expanding and becoming more altruistic. Children pay for caring for themselves by caring for their elderly parents, when they can no longer repay the children’s care. And this concern for the elderly, and then for the memory of deceased parents, seems to merge with the historical memory of the family and homeland as a whole.

If care is directed only at oneself, then an egoist grows up.

Caring brings people together, strengthens the memory of the past and is aimed entirely at the future. This is not the feeling itself - it is a concrete manifestation of the feeling of love, friendship, patriotism. A person must be caring. A carefree or carefree person is most likely a person who is unkind and does not love anyone.

Morality is characterized to the highest degree by a sense of compassion. In compassion there is the consciousness of one’s unity with humanity and the world (not only people, nations, but also with animals, plants, nature, etc.). A feeling of compassion (or something close to it) makes us fight for cultural monuments, for their preservation, for nature, individual landscapes, for respect for memory. In compassion there is a consciousness of one’s unity with other people, with a nation, people, country, the Universe. That is why the forgotten concept of compassion requires its complete revival and development.

A surprisingly correct thought: “A small step for a person, a big step for humanity.” Thousands of examples can be given of this: it costs nothing for one person to be kind, but it is incredibly difficult for humanity to become kind. It is impossible to correct humanity, it is easy to correct yourself. Feed a child, walk an old man across the street, give up your seat on a tram, do a good job, be polite and courteous... etc. and so on. – all this is simple for a person, but incredibly difficult for everyone at once. That's why you need to start with yourself.

Good cannot be stupid. A good deed is never stupid, because it is selfless and does not pursue the goal of profit and “smart results.” A good deed can be called “stupid” only when it clearly could not achieve the goal or was “false good,” mistakenly kind, that is, not kind. I repeat, a truly good deed cannot be stupid, it is beyond evaluation from the point of view of the mind or not the mind. So good and good.

LETTER EIGHT
BE FUN BUT NOT BE FUNNY

Once upon a time it was considered indecent to show with all your appearance that a misfortune had happened to you, that you were in grief. A person should not have imposed his depressed state on others. It was necessary to maintain dignity even in grief, to be even with everyone, not to become self-absorbed, and to remain as friendly and even cheerful as possible. The ability to maintain dignity, not to impose one’s sorrows on others, not to spoil others’ mood, to always be friendly and cheerful is a great and real art that helps to live in society and society itself.

Don't be funny.

Not being funny is not only an ability to behave, but also a sign of intelligence.

You can be funny in everything, even in the way you dress. If a man carefully matches his tie to his shirt, or his shirt to his suit, he is ridiculous. Excessive concern for one's appearance is immediately visible. We must take care to dress decently, but this concern for men should not go beyond certain limits. A man who cares excessively about his appearance is unpleasant. A woman is a different matter. Men's clothes should only have a hint of fashion. A perfectly clean shirt, clean shoes and a fresh, but not very bright tie are enough. The suit may be old, it should not just be unkempt.

When talking with others, know how to listen, know how to be silent, know how to joke, but rarely and at the right time. Take up as little space as possible. Therefore, at dinner, do not put your hands on the table, embarrassing your neighbor, but also do not try too hard to be the “life of the party.” Observe moderation in everything, do not be intrusive even with your friendly feelings.

Don't be tormented by your shortcomings if you have them. If you stutter, don't think it's too bad. Stutterers can be excellent speakers, pondering every word they say. The best lecturer at Moscow University, famous for its eloquent professors, historian V.O. Klyuchevsky stuttered. A slight squint can add significance to the face, while lameness can add significance to movements. But if you are shy, then don't be afraid of it. Don't be ashamed of your shyness: Shyness is very cute and not at all funny. It only becomes funny if you try too hard to overcome it and are embarrassed by it. Be simple and forgiving of your shortcomings. Don't suffer from them. It’s worse when a person develops an “inferiority complex,” and with it bitterness, hostility toward other people, and envy. A person loses what is best in him - kindness.

There is no better music than silence, silence in the mountains, silence in the forest. There is no “better music” in a person than modesty and the ability to remain silent, not to come to the forefront. There is nothing more unpleasant and stupid in human behavior than being important or noisy; there is nothing funnier in a man than excessive care for his suit and hairstyle, calculated movements and a “fountain of witticisms” and anecdotes, especially if they are repeated.

In your behavior, be afraid to be funny and try to be modest and quiet.

Never let yourself go, always be even with people, respect the people who surround you.

And one more thing, and perhaps the most important: be truthful. He who seeks to deceive others first of all deceives himself. He naively thinks that they believed him, and those around him were actually just polite. But a lie always gives itself away, a lie is always “felt”, and you not only become disgusting, worse - you become funny.

Simplicity and “silence” in a person, truthfulness, absence of pretensions in clothing and behavior - this is the most attractive “form” in a person, which also becomes his most elegant “content”.

LETTER NINE
WHEN SHOULD YOU BE OFFENSED?

You should only be offended when they want to offend you. If they don’t want to, and the reason for the offense is an accident, then why be offended?

Without getting angry, clear up the misunderstanding - that’s all.

If you still decide to be offended, then first perform some mathematical operation - subtraction, division, etc. Let's say you were insulted for something for which you were only partly to blame. Subtract from your feelings of resentment what does not apply to you. Let's say that you were offended for noble reasons - divide your feelings into the noble motives that caused the offensive remark, etc. By performing some necessary mathematical operation in your mind, you will be able to respond to an insult with greater dignity, which will be the more noble the less importance you attach to the insult. Up to certain limits, of course.

In general, excessive touchiness is a sign of a lack of intelligence or some kind of complex. Be smart.

There is a good English rule: to be offended only when they want to offend you, they deliberately offend you. There is no need to be offended by simple inattention or forgetfulness (sometimes characteristic of a given person due to age or some psychological shortcomings). On the contrary, show special care to such a “forgetful” person - it will be beautiful and noble.

Quoted from:
D.S. Likhachev. Letters about good. St. Petersburg: “Russian-Baltic Information Center BLITs”, 1999.

It is impossible to correct humanity, it is easy to correct yourself. Feeding a child, walking an old man across the street, giving up a seat on a tram, working well, being polite and courteous... etc., etc. - all this is easy for a person, but incredibly difficult for everyone at once. That's why you need to start with yourself.

During his entire life, the Soviet scientist Dmitry Sergeevich wrote more than 1000 articles, left about 500 scientific and 600 journalistic works. Including more than 40 books on the history of ancient Russian literature and Russian culture.

But one of Likhachev’s most interesting and valuable books is his testament book: “Letters about the good and the beautiful.”

These “letters” (46 letters) are addressed to young people who still have to learn life and walk its difficult paths. Today it is the most authoritative collection of wisdom. This book is being translated in different countries and into many languages.

Take care of your youth until old age!

1. Big in small.

The saying “the end justifies the means” is destructive and immoral.Dostoevsky showed this well in Crime and Punishment.

The main character of this work, Rodion Raskolnikov, thought that by killing the disgusting old moneylender, he would get money with which he could then achieve great goals and benefit humanity, but he suffers an internal collapse.

The goal is distant and unrealistic, but the crime is real; it is terrible and cannot be justified by anything. You cannot strive for a high goal with low means. You must be equally honest in both big and small things.

2. Take care of your youth.

True friends are made young. I remember that my mother’s only real friends were her friends from the gymnasium. My father’s friends were his fellow students at the institute.And as much as I have observed, openness to friendship gradually decreases with age.

Undivided joy is not joy. Happiness spoils a person if he experiences it alone. When the time of misfortune comes, the time of loss - again, you cannot be alone. Woe to a man if he is alone.

Therefore, take care of your youth until old age.Appreciate all the good things you acquired in your youth, do not waste the riches of your youth. Nothing acquired in youth passes without a trace.

Habits developed in youth last a lifetime. Work skills too.

Get used to work - and work will always bring joy. And how important this is for human happiness! There is no one more unhappy than a lazy person who always avoids work and effort...

Both in youth and in old age. Good youth skills will make life easier, bad ones will complicate it and make it difficult.

And further. There is a Russian proverb: “Take care of your honor from a young age.” All the actions committed in youth remain in memory. The good ones will make you happy, the bad ones will not let you sleep!

What is the biggest goal in life? I think: increase the goodness in those around us.

And goodness is, first of all, the happiness of all people...

Much, as I have already said, begins with little things, originates in childhood and in loved ones. A child loves his mother and his father, his brothers and sisters, his family, his home.

Gradually expanding, his affections extend to school, village, city, and his entire country. And this is already a very big and deep feeling, although one cannot stop there and one must love the person in a person.

You have to be a patriot, not a nationalist. There is no need to hate every other family because you love yours. There is no need to hate other nations because you are a patriot. There is a deep difference between patriotism and nationalism. In the first - love for your country, in the second - hatred of all others.

The great goal of good begins small - with the desire for good for your loved ones, but as it expands, it covers an ever wider range of issues.It's like ripples on the water. But the circles on the water, expanding, are becoming weaker.

Love and friendship, growing and spreading to many things, acquire new strength, become higher, and man, their center, becomes wiser.

Love shouldn't be unconscious, it should be smart. This means that it must be combined with the ability to notice shortcomings and deal with shortcomings - both in a loved one and in the people around them. It must be combined with wisdom, with the ability to separate the necessary from the empty and false. She shouldn't be blind.

Blind admiration (you can't even call it love) can lead to dire consequences. A mother who admires everything and encourages her child in everything can raise a moral monster. Blind admiration for Germany (“Germany above all” - the words of a chauvinistic German song) led to Nazism, blind admiration for Italy led to fascism.

“Inhale, exhale, exhale!” To breathe deeply, you need to exhale thoroughly. First of all, learn to exhale and get rid of “waste air.”

Life is, first of all, breathing. "Soul", "spirit"! And he died - first of all - “stopped breathing.” That's what they thought from time immemorial. “Spirit out!” - it means “died.”

It can be “stuffy” in the house, and “stuffy” in moral life as well.Take a good breath out of all the petty worries, all the bustle of everyday life, get rid of, shake off everything that hinders the movement of thought, that crushes the soul, that does not allow a person to accept life, its values, its beauty. A person should always think about what is most important for himself and for others, throwing off all empty worries.

We must be open to people, tolerant of people, and look for the best in them first of all. The ability to seek and find the best, simply “good”, “overshadowed beauty” enriches a person spiritually.

To notice beauty in nature, in a village, a city, a street, not to mention in a person, through all the barriers of little things - this means expanding the sphere of life, the sphere of the living space in which a person lives.

The greatest value in the world is life: someone else’s, one’s own, the life of the animal world and plants, the life of culture, life throughout its entire length - in the past, in the present, and in the future...

And life is infinitely deep. We always come across something we haven’t noticed before, something that amazes us with its beauty, unexpected wisdom, and uniqueness.

5. Vital purpose.

By what a person lives for, one can judge his self-esteem - low or high.

If a person sets himself the task of acquiring all the basic material goods, he evaluates himself at the level of these material goods: as the owner of a car of the latest brand, as the owner of a luxurious dacha, as part of his furniture set...

If a person lives to bring good to people, to alleviate their suffering from illness, to give people joy, then he evaluates himself at the level of this humanity. He sets himself a goal worthy of a person.

Only a vital goal allows a person to live his life with dignity and get real joy. Yes, joy! Think: if a person sets himself the task of increasing goodness in life, bringing happiness to people, what failures can befall him?

If you are a doctor, then perhaps you misdiagnosed the patient? This happens to the best doctors. But in total, you still helped more than you didn’t help. No one is immune from mistakes. But the most important mistake, the fatal mistake, is choosing the wrong main task in life.

Didn't get promoted - disappointing. I didn’t have time to buy a stamp for my collection – it’s a shame. Someone has better furniture than you or a better car - again a disappointment, and what a disappointment!

When setting the goal of a career or acquisition, a person experiences in total much more sorrows than joys, and risks losing everything.

What can a person who rejoices in every good deed lose? It is only important that the good that a person does should be his inner need, come from an intelligent heart, and not just from the head, and should not be a “principle” alone.

Therefore, the main task in life must necessarily be a task that is broader than just personal; it should not be limited only to one’s own successes and failures. It must be dictated kindness to people, love for family, for your city, for your people, for your country, for the whole universe.

Does this mean that a person should live like an ascetic, not take care of himself, not acquire anything and not enjoy a simple promotion?

Not at all!

A person who does not think about himself at all is an abnormal phenomenon and personally unpleasant to me: there is some kind of breakdown in this, some ostentatious exaggeration of his kindness, unselfishness, significance, in this there is some kind of peculiar contempt for other people , the desire to stand out.

Therefore, I am only talking about the main task in life.

And this main life task does not need to be emphasized in the eyes of other people.

And you need to dress well (this is respect for others), but not necessarily “better than others.”

And you need to compile a library for yourself, but not necessarily larger than your neighbor’s.

And it’s good to buy a car for yourself and your family – it’s convenient.

Just don’t turn the secondary into the primary, and don’t let the main goal of life exhaust you where it’s not necessary. When you need it is another matter.

6. What unites people?

Floors of care. Caring strengthens relationships between people. It binds families together, binds friendships, binds together residents of one city, one country.

Trace a person's life.

A person is born, and the first care for him is his mother; gradually (after just a few days) the father’s care for him comes into direct contact with the child (before the birth of the child, care for him already existed, but was to a certain extent “abstract” - the parents were preparing for the birth of the child, dreaming about him).

Girls also like to pick berries and mushrooms. And they collect not only for themselves, but for the whole family. They take it home and prepare it for the winter.

Caring is expanding and becoming more altruistic. Children pay for caring for themselves by caring for their elderly parents, when they can no longer repay the children’s care.

And this concern for the elderly, and then for the memory of deceased parents, seems to merge with concern for the historical memory of the family and homeland as a whole.

If care is directed only at oneself, then an egoist grows up.

Caring brings people together, strengthens the memory of the past and is aimed entirely at the future.

This is not the feeling itself - it is a concrete manifestation of the feeling of love, friendship, patriotism. A person must be caring.

A carefree or carefree person is most likely a person who is unkind and does not love anyone.

Morality is characterized to the highest degree by a sense of compassion. In compassion there is a consciousness of one’s unity with humanity and the world (not only people, nations, but also with animals, plants, nature, etc.).

A feeling of compassion (or something close to it) makes us fight for cultural monuments, for their preservation, for nature, individual landscapes, for respect for memory.

In compassion there is a consciousness of one’s unity with other people, with a nation, people, country, universe. That is why the forgotten concept of compassion requires its complete revival and development.

A surprisingly correct thought: “A small step for a person, a big step for humanity”.

Thousands of examples can be given of this: it costs nothing for one person to be kind, but it is incredibly difficult for humanity to become kind.

Good cannot be stupid. A good deed is never stupid, because it is selfless and does not pursue the goal of profit and “smart results.”

A good deed can be called “stupid” only when it clearly could not achieve the goal or was “false good,” mistakenly kind, that is, not kind.

I repeat, a truly good deed cannot be stupid, it is beyond evaluation from the point of view of the mind or not the mind. So good and good.

7. About Education

You can get a good upbringing not only in your family or at school, but also... from yourself. You just need to know what real good manners is.

I am convinced, for example, that true good manners manifests itself primarily at home, in your family, in relationships with your relatives.

If he is polite with his acquaintances, but gets irritated with his family on every occasion, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he does not take into account the character, psychology, habits and desires of his loved ones, he is an ill-mannered person. If, as an adult, he takes the help of his parents for granted and does not notice that they themselves already need help, he is an ill-mannered person.

If he likes to make fun of his wife or children, not sparing their pride, especially in front of strangers, then he is (excuse me!) simply stupid.

The reader has probably noticed that I am addressing mainly the man, the head of the family. This is because women actually need to give way... not just at the door.

That’s why nature made sure that women for the most part (I’m not talking about exceptions) are endowed with a greater sense of tact and greater natural politeness than men...

There are many books about "good manners".

These books explain how to behave in society, at a party and at home, in the theater, at work, with elders and younger ones, how to speak without offending the ears, and dress without offending the eyesight of others.

But people, unfortunately, draw little from these books. This happens, I think, because books about good manners rarely explain why good manners are needed. It seems: having good manners is false, boring, unnecessary. A person with good manners can actually cover up bad deeds.

A well-mannered person in all respects does not behave “loudly”, saves the time of others (“Accuracy is the politeness of kings,” says the saying), strictly fulfills his promises to others, does not put on airs, does not “turn up his nose” and is always the same - at home, at school, at college, at work, in the store and on the bus.

What's the matter? What is the basic guide to acquiring good manners?

The basis of all good manners is the concern that a person does not interfere with another, so that everyone feels good together.

Therefore, there is no need to slurp, no need to loudly put your fork on the plate, noisily suck in soup, speak loudly at dinner or talk with your mouth full so that your neighbors do not have concerns.

And you don’t need to put your elbows on the table - again, so as not to disturb your neighbor. It is necessary to be neatly dressed because this shows respect for others - guests, hosts, or just passers-by: it should not be disgusting to look at you.

There is no need to bore your neighbors with continuous jokes, witticisms and anecdotes, especially those that have already been told to your listeners by someone. This puts your listeners in an awkward position.

Try not only to entertain others, but also to let others tell you something.

Manners, clothing, gait, all behavior should be restrained and... beautiful. For any beauty does not tire. She is "social". And there is always a deep meaning in so-called good manners. Do not think that good manners are just manners, that is, something superficial.

By your behavior you reveal your essence. You need to cultivate in yourself not so much manners as what is expressed in manners, a caring attitude towards the world: towards society, towards nature, towards animals and birds, towards plants, towards the beauty of the area, towards the past of the places where you live, etc. d.

You don’t need to memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing – the need to respect others. published If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to the specialists and readers of our project

Dmitry Likhachev: “You must be able to awaken their best qualities in people and not notice minor shortcomings.” Letter ten honor true and false

Letter Eight Be funny without being funny

Letter Nine When should you be offended?

Letter ten True and false honor

Letter Eleven About careerism

Letter Twelve A person must be intelligent

Letter thirteen About good manners

Letter fourteen About bad and good influences

LETTER EIGHT BE FUN BUT NOT BE FUNNY

LETTER NINE WHEN SHOULD YOU BE OFFENSED?