What to bring to the cemetery for 40 days. Funeral: essence, rules, mournful words about death

Funerals are one of the most ancient customs of our people. The first commemorations began to be celebrated by the ancient Slavs. Then they were called funeral feasts. They were celebrated mainly by leaders and respected warriors. The funeral feast included a feast and military competitions held in honor of the deceased or deceased husband. With the advent of Christianity in Rus', the meaning of funerals changed - more attention began to be paid to the soul of the deceased, which was in a “suspended” state during this period.

Photo 40 days after death

Wake to your liking

The 9-day wake is very important. In most world religions, on this day the soul leaves the habitat of its body and goes on a “journey” through the subtle worlds. For “nine” days, relatives and closest friends of the deceased gather in the house of the deceased. They say only good things about him and conditionally “let go” of his soul.

Photo of the forties

The obligatory kutia, pancakes and jelly are served on the table, as well as dishes typical of the area in which the deceased lived.

The forties are a critical period for the soul. It is on this day that it is determined where she will go - to Heaven or Hell. Therefore, relatives gather for a wake 40 days after death to support the soul of the deceased. The more good things are said about the deceased, the higher his chances of finding shelter among the bright angels and finding eternal peace.

Only relatives gather for the funeral for 40 days. Friends of the deceased, pleasant colleagues, colleagues, students and mentors are waiting in the house. According to a tradition preserved from pagan times, the 40-day funeral is accompanied by a feast.

Photos of the wake 40 days

The principle of selecting dishes for the menu for a 40-day funeral is as follows:

Poems and speeches are read at the table for 40 days after death. But they should be as less pretentious as possible and as sincere as possible.

One year after death

The year after death is the final event for commemorating the deceased. It is attended mainly by relatives and closest friends. The memorial menu for the anniversary of death is similar to that served for 9 and 40 days.

Photos from the wake a year after death

When celebrating a wake a year after death, people remember the good things that the deceased had and list his achievements and successes. The funeral a year after death is accompanied by a funeral prayer and a joint trip to the cemetery of the deceased’s closest relatives.

Funerals for six months are celebrated very rarely, because this period does not have any sacred meaning. But, with a special desire or current circumstances - departure abroad, an upcoming wedding, christening, some relatives can celebrate a wake six months after death.
Nine days, forty days, funerals 1 year are milestone events for the soul of the deceased and his relatives in perpetuating his memory. That is why it is customary to celebrate them with a memorial prayer, a feast and good deeds performed in the name of the memory of the deceased.

The death of a loved one is a great grief for a family. Relatives are grieving and sad. They want to know where the soul goes after 40 days, how to behave and what to say. There are many unresolved questions to which we would like to find answers. The article will talk about this in detail and highlight important points.

During life, the body and soul of a person are inseparable. Death is a stop for the body, as well. Up to 40 days there are “walks” through heaven and hell. The “excursion” to paradise is much shorter. It is believed that during a lifetime more bad deeds are committed than good ones.

The ordeal begins in hell. There are twenty of them. This is a difficult and responsible stage. A kind of exam that tests all passions. How strong are they in terms of the degree of evil. For example, take the passion for theft. One takes small money from the pocket of a friend or acquaintance, another falsifies documents, the third takes large bribes.

Laziness, envy, pride, anger, lies and other ordeals are a test of how much the devil has mastered a person. The devil cannot captivate the human soul, but by dominating the soul, he shows its failure before the Kingdom of the saints. Therefore, when going through ordeals, it becomes clear whether there was unity with God and with the laws prescribed in the Bible.

While living on earth, a person can repent and ask for forgiveness for his sins. The Lord will accept every sinner who prays sincerely. The afterlife does not provide such a chance. Everything is clear here: what you do is what you get. Therefore, when analyzing actions, the slightest offense is taken into account.

What does the 40th day after death mean?

On the 40th day, the soul appears before God's judgment. A guardian angel becomes her lawyer, who protects a person throughout his life. He brings out good deeds and the sentence becomes more lenient. If the activity was commensurate with pure thoughts, then the punishment is not too severe.

The torment of hell is avoided by doing the right thing. But in the modern world it is difficult to resist temptations. If you adhere to God’s basic rules, do good deeds and take communion at the slightest deviation from the right path, the trials will pass easier and faster. A person should think about the upcoming ordeals so as not to subject the soul to difficult tests.

After 40 days, the soul is given the right to return to earth, go around its native places and say goodbye forever to those who are especially dear. Usually the relatives of the deceased no longer feel his presence. Going to heaven, the soul makes the decision that the court made for the deeds committed during life: a dark abyss or eternal light.

For the deceased, the prayer of relatives is the best show of boundless love. In monasteries where services are held every day, you can order Sorokoust (daily commemoration for 40 days). The word of prayer is like a drop of water in the desert.

Actions of relatives up to 40 days

• Do not touch anything in the deceased's room.
• Don't share things.
• Don't say bad words about him.
• Try to do good deeds on behalf of the deceased.
• Read prayers and fast during these days.

Where does the soul go after 40 days? This is a kind of milestone, after which she goes to heaven or hell. But we must understand that hell is not the end point. Thanks to attention and the desire to intercede, the fate of the soul is sometimes changed for the deceased. During the Last Judgment, there will be a revaluation of all people, and the fate of everyone will depend on their own actions and activities in society and family. Don't miss the time to change and take the righteous path.

From a spiritual point of view, a person’s earthly life is the preparation of his soul for a future eternal life. The death of the body in the Orthodox tradition is not an antagonist of life. This is only part of life, the meaning of which is the temporary separation of body and soul until the Last Judgment and General Resurrection.

Where does the soul go at the end of its earthly journey? What is the significance of the third, ninth and fortieth days after physical death? What traditions must be observed in this case and why? What happens on day 40? Let's figure it out.

Where does the soul go on the third, ninth and fortieth days

After leaving the body, the soul does not immediately leave the world of the living. The transition occurs gradually. Many people are interested in the question of how many days the soul of the deceased remains at home, among family and friends. What is the soul doing all this time?

1. In the first three days the connection with what was significant and dear during life is still very strong. The soul of a deceased person remembers its earthly existence: actions, events, environment. She is still capable of experiencing earthly human emotions: attachment to loved ones, fear, confusion, the need to complete important matters, etc. During this period, the soul gains freedom and can be wherever it wants. Many souls visit places they loved while alive or are close to grieving family members.
2. On the third day the soul of the newly deceased worships God. She also meets other souls - righteous people and saints. Then, within 6 days, she sees the heavenly abode and glorifies the Creator. During this period, she moves away from earthly sorrows and finds peace. But souls, burdened with many sins, repent and mourn.
3. What does it mean ninth day after death person? The soul of the deceased is again accompanied by angels to worship the Lord. By His command, the soul is now sent to hell. There she surveys the torments of sinners, and she herself experiences ordeals while looking at them. This test lasts thirty days.
4. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to God and worships Him. After this, the Judge finally determines the place where the soul will be until the Second Coming. This is why 40 days after death is an important date.

Twenty days from the date of death - a date that came from paganism

Many people are interested in what 20 days after death means and whether this date is included in the memorial days after the funeral.

There is no such date in the Orthodox tradition. It refers to pagan folk beliefs - it is believed that the soul has not completely left the world of the living. On the eve of the twentieth day after death, close relatives went to the cemetery to use special spells to call the dead to a meeting. The souls of previously deceased relatives and the newly deceased were summoned.

On this occasion, pies were baked, jelly was placed on the table and special incantations were sung on the eve of the ceremony. They also prayed and asked God for the deceased.

The next day, food was placed on the table especially for the deceased - pie or pancakes and a drink - tea or jelly. Candles were lit near the icons. In the evening, the soul of the deceased was escorted to another world. To do this, they read prayers and said farewell words when leaving the house.

Nowadays, it is not customary to celebrate 20 days from the date of death. This custom is rare in rural areas.

The deceased should be commemorated on days 3, 9 and 40

In the Orthodox tradition, the deceased are commemorated on the third, ninth and fortieth day after death, as well as on their anniversary.

Why are they commemorated on 9 and 40 days? The custom is connected with the fact that the soul of a person after death, up to 40 days, has not yet completely left the world of the living. It was discussed above where the soul of the deceased remains for up to 40 days.

The third day is associated with the beginning of worship of the Lord and the “acquaintance” of the soul with the heavenly abode. The funeral on this day symbolizes the resurrection of the Savior.

On the ninth day, the soul appears before God for the second worship. On this day, the loved ones of the newly deceased should pray and ask the Lord for mercy towards him. The funeral represents the intercession of the angelic ranks for the soul before the Judge.

Forty days after death mean the third worship of the Lord and His final determination of the further fate of the soul until the General Resurrection. On this day, the prayers of loved ones can greatly help the soul of the deceased. With their help, many sins can be forgiven, and the path to the heavenly abode will be opened for the soul.

You should also understand what happens to the soul of the deceased on the anniversary of death. For a deceased Christian, this day is the birth of eternal life. His soul ascends to God to join other similar souls. Therefore, for the relatives and friends of the deceased, this is the date of the final farewell to him. Godins complete the annual liturgical circle and are the last day on which a wake is held for the deceased.

How to properly remember the dead - the main thing is prayer, not food

It is a mistake to consider food and alcoholic drinks to be the main attribute. Not everyone knows how to properly remember the dead. The most important thing is prayer - both in church and at home. Of particular importance is the memorial service - a special all-night service. The first time it is performed before the burial, then on the third, ninth day and forty days after the funeral.

Then a memorial service is ordered for a year from the date of death, and then it can be held annually on the anniversary.

The first forty days after death are the most important for the soul of the deceased. It is necessary that not only the priest in the church, but also the relatives of the deceased at home read prayers daily and ask God for mercy for his soul.

Along with prayer, almsgiving is of great importance for the soul. On fortieth day they usually give away the things of the newly deceased, asking people to pray for him.

Prayer for forty days

Remember, O Lord our God, in faith and hope the eternal life of Your newly departed servant (or Your handmaid),namename, and as he is good and a lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming untruths, weaken, forsake and forgive all his voluntary and involuntary sins, raising him up at Thy holy second coming to partake of Thy eternal blessings, for the sake of which there is only faith in Thee, the true God and Lover of Mankind. For You are the resurrection and the life and the rest of Your servant, named Christ our God. And we send glory to You, with Your beginningless Father and with the Most Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen.

Prayer after forty days

Remember, O Lord our God, in the faith and hope of the eternal life of Your departed servant, our brother (name), and as Good and Lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming untruths, weaken, forsake and forgive all his voluntary and involuntary sins, deliver him eternal torment and fire of Gehenna, and grant him the communion and enjoyment of Your eternal good things, prepared for those who love You: even if you sin, do not depart from You, and undoubtedly in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Your glorified God in the Trinity, Faith, and Unity in the Trinity and the Trinity in Unity, Orthodox even until his last breath of confession.

Be merciful to him, and faith, even in You instead of deeds, and with Your saints, as You give generous rest: for there is no man who will live and not sin. But You are the One besides all sin, and Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and You are the One God of mercies and generosity, and love for mankind, and to You we send glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

Rules for the funeral meal

1. Lenten treat. The meal at the wake is simple and lean.
2. Kutya and pancakes. For the 40-day funeral, kutya and pancakes are always prepared. Kutya is prepared from wheat, rice or barley, adding raisins, nuts, poppy seeds and dried fruits.
3. Alcohol is not allowed. Contrary to the ingrained worldly habit, it is not customary to use it at Orthodox funerals. There is no need to turn the wake into a noisy feast with alcohol, and also put a glass of vodka “for the deceased” on the table.
4. Kissel, fruit drink, kvass, juice. Jelly, fruit drink, kvass or juice are appropriate at the funeral table. And for the soul of the deceased, good memory and prayer for repose will be much more important.
5. Funeral words for 40 days. They should be short and warm - grieving relatives will listen to them. It is appropriate to remember a good episode from the life of the deceased. You can even compose poems for the occasion.

Menu forties

Typical dishes that are on the table on this day:

• Kutya with honey
• Meat broth with meatballs
• Butter or lean pancakes
• Potatoes with meat - mashed or stewed. Sometimes you can replace it with buckwheat porridge
• Fried chicken or cutlets
• Fried fish
• Kissel or compote

The meaning of the number 40 in the Bible

The number 40 has a special meaning in the events described in the Bible:

• Jesus Christ ascended to Heaven forty days after his resurrection.
• The prophet Elijah came to Mount Horeb after the same number of days.
• Finally, Moses fasted for 40 days before God gave him the tablets of the Ten Commandments.

A deeply believing Christian should not be afraid of death - this is only the transition of the soul to another world. The body is subject to decay, but not the soul.

Despite what the deceased looks like after 40 days and beyond, his soul remains in immortality and receives reward for its earthly deeds. This should be remembered and prepared by doing good deeds during earthly life.

Death is grief and pain for the loved ones of the deceased. Natural consolation is the desire to help, to facilitate the deceased’s transition to other facets of existence. According to the Christian religion, the 40th day is considered the most important of all memorial days, because during this period the soul says goodbye to the earth forever and leaves it. Many people organize a wake for 40 days after the death. What to say on this day and how to behave?

It is important to know that the essence of the funeral rite is to make the transition of the soul of a deceased person to another world painless, to help the soul appear before God, to feel peace and tranquility. And this is achieved through prayers. Everything that will be said about the deceased person on this day: kind words, prayers, good memories and speeches will help the soul to withstand God's judgment. Therefore, it is so important to observe all the traditions associated with this day and know how to conduct a commemoration 40 days after death.

The main thing on this day is to pray. You can do this yourself, or you can invite a priest.

Christian traditions of remembrance of the dead on the 40th day

The ritual of remembrance has been known since the very beginning of Christianity. The purpose of the ritual is to give the soul of the person who has passed into another world peace and tranquility, and to help to know the eternal heavenly Kingdom.

To do this, relatives, friends and relatives of the deceased must gather at the funeral table. When a wake is organized for 40 days after a death, what should you say to those present? It is believed that the more people remember the deceased in their prayers, the better it will be for the soul of the person for whom they are praying. On this day, it is customary to remember moments from the life of the deceased, focusing on his virtues and good deeds.

Life does not stand still; if earlier the wake was held in the house of the deceased, now it can be done in a restaurant or cafe. The traditions of Orthodoxy oblige to receive more people on this day than on the 9th day, because the soul leaves the earth, and not only relatives, but also everyone who wishes to do so must say goodbye to the person.

40 days after death, wake: what to say at the cemetery?

Visiting the grave of a deceased person is an obligatory part of the funeral ritual. You need to take flowers and a candle with you. It is customary to carry pairs of flowers to the cemetery; even numbers are a symbol of life and death. Laying flowers is the best way to show respect to the deceased.

When you arrive, you should light a candle and pray for peace of mind, then you can simply stand and be silent, remembering the good moments from the life of the deceased person.

Noisy conversations and discussions are not allowed at the cemetery; everything should take place in an atmosphere of calm and tranquility.

Commemoration on the fortieth day in the church

Church commemoration is the mentioning of the name of the deceased during prayer during the Liturgy for the salvation of the soul and the eternal good of the person being remembered. The ceremony is carried out after the relatives of the deceased submit a note “On repose”. It is important to know that this note contains the names only of those who were baptized in the Orthodox Church.

For the relatives of the deceased, the best type of donation would be a candle for the deceased. At the moment of installing the candle, you need to pray for the repose of the soul, asking the Lord to forgive the voluntary and involuntary sins of the deceased person.

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, funeral services (40 days after death) are not held before the established date. If, by coincidence, it is necessary to carry out the ceremony on an earlier date, then on the next weekend after the forties, it is necessary to give out alms. A church commemoration will also be held on the same day.

Organization of the funeral table

The purpose of a memorial dinner is to remember the deceased person, pray for the repose of his soul, provide psychological support to those in need, and thank people for their participation and help. You cannot organize a dinner with the goal of impressing the guests with expensive and delicious dishes, boasting of an abundance of dishes, or feeding them to their fullest.

The main thing is not food, but uniting in grief and supporting those who are having a hard time. It is important to take into account the main rules of Christianity: limiting the intake of alcoholic beverages, fasting and having the simplest dishes on the table.

You should not perceive a wake as a feast. Large expenses in this case are unjustified; it would be much more useful to direct financial investments into charity.

If more than 40 days have passed since the death, a memorial service can be held later, if only the memorial table will be rescheduled. It is necessary to pray for the soul of the deceased on the 40th day.

Main dishes of the funeral table

When setting the table, it is advisable to give preference to lenten dishes. Kutya should be at the head of the table. This is porridge cooked from whole grains, with the addition of honey, nuts and raisins. The dish represents the rebirth of the soul and symbolizes the benefits of eternal life.

The composition of the dishes mainly depends on the traditions of the family hosting the funeral. Traditionally prepared: pancakes, pies, porridge, cabbage soup and jelly. Various snacks are acceptable: salads, vegetables or cold cuts. Among the first courses: borscht, noodles in chicken broth, beetroot soup. Side dish - buckwheat porridge, pilaf or puree. The Church is against alcoholic beverages; in any case, their use should be limited.

If the wake coincided with fasting, then the meat should be exchanged for fish. For salads, vinaigrette is perfect. Let there be mushrooms, vegetables and fruits on the table. The main thing at a wake is to strengthen your strength in order to continue to tirelessly pray for the deceased.

How to prepare a funeral speech

No commemoration is complete without a funeral speech. Sometimes a presenter is invited especially for this occasion, who will help to correctly arrange the order of speeches. If the leader is absent, one of the close relatives should take on his role.

When a wake is held for 40 days after a death, the words spoken at the table should be distributed in a certain order of speakers. First, the speech is given by the closest relatives, then by friends and lastly by acquaintances.

Don't rely too much on improvisation. This is a sad event, and people who are in grief will listen to you. Brevity and accuracy are the main criteria for a funeral speech. Try to find time to practice at home so you can decide where to say nothing and what to add.

Usually all the closest ones come to the wake (40 days after death). A speech given at the table should not consist of a biography of the deceased person, because there will be people who already know well all the life stages of the deceased. It is very good to talk about some fact from life that will serve as proof of the virtues of the deceased.

When preparing a wake for 40 days after a death, poems dedicated to the mourning event can be more useful than ever. They will help you tune in to a lyrical-tragic mood, helping to create an atmosphere of a wake.

You can supplement your speech with a photograph of the deceased or an item that belonged to him, which will prove to those present what a good person the deceased was. Avoid mentioning the deceased's mistakes, gossip and secrets. There is no place for such speeches at the funeral table.

Sample speech

Many people think when they organize a wake for 40 days after a death: “What to say?”... There is no established version of such a speech. The most important thing is to say the words from the heart. But there are still certain rules, using which you can prepare and speak correctly during the funeral ceremony.

You should start by greeting those present, followed by a story about who you are to the deceased. Say a few words about mourning and then move on to talk about the good aspects of the person being remembered. If possible, remember the good moments you experienced together. It is very appropriate to involve other people in the memories so that your story is complemented by good memories. The speech ends with a promise to forever remember the one being remembered.

Still, you can remember a deceased person whenever you want. The main thing is to follow the basic rules of the funeral rite: prayer, alms and good memories of the deceased.

8.1. How to cope with grief when a loved one dies? The grief of separation from the deceased can be satisfied only by prayer for him. Christians believe that life does not end with death, that the death of the body is not the death of the soul, that the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to accompany the soul of the deceased in quiet prayer. “Do not give up your heart to sorrow; move her away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget this, for there is no return; and you will not benefit him, but will harm yourself. With the repose of the deceased, soothe his memory, and take comfort in him after the departure of his soul.”(Sir.38:20, 21, 23). 8.2. Is it necessary to cover the mirror if one of your relatives dies? The custom of hanging mirrors in a house where a death has occurred partly stems from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also soon die. There are many “mirror” superstitions, some of them are associated with fortune telling on mirrors.

And where magic and witchcraft inevitably appear. A hung mirror has no effect on life expectancy, which depends entirely on the Lord.

– A farewell kiss to the deceased occurs after his funeral service in the church. They kiss the aureole placed on the forehead of the deceased or apply it to the icon in his hands. At the same time, they are baptized on the icon.

8.4. What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral service?

– After the funeral service for the deceased, you can take the icon home, or you can leave it in the church. The icon is not left in the coffin.

8.5. What should you eat at a funeral?

“According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The funeral meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The funeral meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo is boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. They also eat pancakes and sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be lean. The funeral meal should be distinguished from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.

Unfortunately, the bad custom of commemorating the deceased at this table with vodka and a hearty snack has taken root. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. It is sinful and shameful on the part of Christians to perform such a commemoration, which brings unspeakable grief to the newly departed soul, which these days is facing the decision of God’s Court, and it thirsts for especially fervent prayer to God.

8.6. How to help the deceased?

– It is quite possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you pray frequently for him and. It is good for the sake of the deceased to work for the Church or in the monastery.

– If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Easter to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter Canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week the Acts of the Holy Apostles are read.

8.8. There is a belief that before the fortieth day nothing of the deceased’s belongings should be given away. Is this true?

– You need to plead for the defendant before the trial, not after it. After death, when the soul goes through ordeals, judgment is carried out, one must intercede for it: pray and perform deeds of mercy. We must do good for the deceased: donate to the monastery, to the church, distribute the things of the deceased, buy sacred books and give them to believers from the day of his death until the fortieth day and after that. In 40 days after death, the soul is determined to the place (of bliss or torment) in which it will remain until the Last Judgment, until the Second Coming of Christ. Before the Last Judgment, you can change the afterlife fate of the deceased with intense prayer for him and alms.

8.9. Why is the death of the body necessary?

– “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the destruction of the living, for He created everything for existence.”(Wis.1:13,14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with hands and words, considered her a friend and wasted away, and made a covenant with her, for they are worthy to be her lot.”(Wis.1:15,16). For many people, death is a means of salvation from spiritual death. For example, children who die at an early age do not know sin.

Death reduces the amount of total evil on earth. What would life be like if there were Cain murderers forever, betraying the Lord of Judah and others like them? Therefore, the death of the body is not “ridiculous,” as people of the world say about it, but is necessary and expedient.

8.10. Why is the remembrance of the dead performed?

– While a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death this possibility disappears, only hope remains in the prayers of the living. After the death of the body and private judgment, the soul is on the threshold of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the short earthly life was lived. But much depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - right up to their complete justification.

8.11. Which commemoration of the dead is the most important?

– The Holy Fathers of the Church teach that the most powerful and effective means for the departed to ask for God’s mercy is to remember them at the Liturgy. It is necessary, in the coming days after his death, to order a magpie in the church, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is taken from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the remission of sins of the newly deceased. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

8.12. What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What should you do these days?

– Holy Tradition preaches to us from the words of holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of testing the soul after its departure from the body. For the first two days, the soul of the deceased still remains on earth and, with someone accompanying it, walks through those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil. This is how the soul spends the first two days, but on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.

Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. The soul remains in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. The soul stands before the Throne of the Most High with fear and trembling. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge to place the soul of the deceased with the saints.

After the second worship of the Lord, the Angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torment of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends for the third time to the Throne of God. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she has been awarded due to her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. On these days, memorial services and litias are celebrated.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the Heavenly King and representatives to Him, petition for pardon for the deceased. The commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day cry of the Israelis about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparing and receiving a special Divine gift, for receiving the gracious help of the Heavenly Father. Thus, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the Law from Him only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the desert. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established the commemoration of the departed on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased would ascend the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, be rewarded with the sight of God, achieve the bliss promised to it and settle in the heavenly villages with the righteous.

On all these days it is very important to attend the Liturgy and (or) memorial service.

8.13. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is Catholic?

– Private, cell (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can remember him at home, read psalms at the grave. In churches, funeral services are not performed or commemorated for those who never belonged to the Orthodox Church: Catholics, Protestants, non-Christians and all those who died unbaptized. The funeral service and requiem service were compiled with the confidence that the deceased and the funeral service were a faithful member of the Orthodox Church. Being outside the Church during life, heretics and schismatics are even further removed from it after death, for then the very possibility of repentance and turning to the light of truth is closed for them.

8.14. Is it possible to order a memorial service for an unbaptized deceased?

– The Church cannot remember the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in the benefits that He has promised those who love Him.

For the relief of the fate of the souls of the dead who were not worthy of Holy Baptism, and of infants who died in the womb or during childbirth, Orthodox Christians pray at home (read the canon) to the holy martyr Huar, who has the grace from God to intercede for the dead who were not worthy of Holy Baptism. From the life of the holy martyr Huar, it is known that through his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.

8.15. Who is the newly departed, ever-remembered?

– Within forty days after the death of the deceased, they are called newly deceased. On memorable days for the deceased (death, name day, birth), he is called ever-remembered or ever-memorable.

8.16. What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral service?

– If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order an absentee funeral service, as well as order magpies and memorial services.

8.17. Do the departed pray for us?

– If the deceased is righteous, then he himself, being before the Throne of God, will respond to the love of those praying for him with his own fervent prayer.

8.18. Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for a baby?

– Dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for forgiveness of sins (since babies do not consciously commit sins), but ask to be honored with the Kingdom of Heaven.

8.19. Is it possible to pray for the repose of suicides and remember them in church?

– Suicide is based on disbelief in God’s Providence and despair – these are mortal sins. Mortals, because they do not give room for repentance, remove God’s saving grace from man. A person voluntarily and completely surrenders himself to the power of the devil, blocks all paths to grace. How will the influence of this grace be possible for him? It is quite natural that the Church cannot offer a propitiatory Bloodless Sacrifice for such people and no prayer at all.

If the person who took his own life was mentally ill or was driven to suicide by bullying and oppression (for example, in the army or in prison), then his funeral service may be blessed by the ruling bishop. To do this, you must submit a written request.

Private, home prayer for the repose of suicides is not prohibited, but this must be done with the blessing of the confessor.

8.20. Is it possible to perform a funeral service in absentia for someone who died during the war if the place of his burial is unknown?

– If the deceased was baptized, then the funeral service can be performed in absentia, and the soil received after the funeral in absentia must be sprinkled in a cross pattern on any grave in an Orthodox cemetery.

The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in the twentieth century in Russia due to the large number of those killed in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, a funeral service in absentia is permissible.

8.21. Is it true that on the 40th day, the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?

– Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie from the Church. This is a daily intensified commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until the private trial, which determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order longer-term commemorations in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order commemoration in several monasteries and churches (their number does not matter). The more prayer books there are for the deceased, the better.

8.22. Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased?

– If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, was not a fighter against God and did not commit suicide, then you can order a memorial service, you can also perform the funeral service in absentia.

8.23. Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes to the temple commemorating suicides?

– The Church never prays for suicides. We must repent of what we did at Confession and not do it again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not believe rumors.

8.24. What is Parents' Saturday?

– On certain days of the year, the Church commemorates all deceased Christians. The memorial services that take place on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called Ecumenical Parental Saturdays. On the morning of Parents' Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all departed Christians are remembered. After the Liturgy there are also general memorial services.

8.25. When are Parents' Saturdays?

– Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a permanent date, but are associated with the moving day of Easter celebration. Meat Saturday occurs eight days before the start of Lent. Parents' Saturdays occur on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Lent. Trinity Parental Saturday - on the eve of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, new style) there is Dimitrievskaya Parental Saturday.

8.26. Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?

– You can and should always pray for peace. This is the duty of the living to the deceased, an expression of love for them, since the deceased themselves can no longer pray for themselves. All Saturdays of the year that do not fall on holidays are dedicated to the remembrance of the dead. But you can pray for the departed, submit notes in church and order memorial services on any day.

8.27. What other days of remembrance of the dead are there?

– Radonitsa – nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa they share the joy of the Resurrection of the Lord with the deceased, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought from there the souls of the Old Testament righteous. Because of this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called “Rainbow”, or “Radonitsa”.

The commemoration of deceased soldiers is performed by the Orthodox Church on May 9, the holiday of Victory over Nazi Germany. Warriors killed on the battlefield are also remembered on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist (September 11, new style).

8.28. Why do you need to bring food to the temple?

– Believers bring various foods to the temple so that the ministers of the Church will remember the departed at a meal. These offerings serve as donations, alms for those who have passed away. In former times, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th) funeral tables were set, at which the poor, homeless, and orphans were fed, so that there would be many people praying for the deceased. For prayer and, especially for alms, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is made easier. Then these memorial tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the universal remembrance of all Christians who have died since centuries with the same purpose - to remember the departed.

8.29. What is eve?

– Kanun (or eve) is a special table (square or rectangular) on which there is a Cross with a Crucifix and holes for candles. Before the eve there are funeral services. Candles are placed here and food can be placed to commemorate the dead.

8.30. What foods can you put on the eve?

- Usually on the eve they put bread, cookies, sugar - everything that does not contradict fasting. You can donate lamp oil and Cahors oil for the eve. It is prohibited to bring meat food into the temple.

8.31. If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

- It doesn't mean anything. The Lord only ends a person’s life when he sees him ready to move into eternity or when he sees no hope for his correction. “Do not hasten death by the errors of your life, and do not attract destruction to yourself by the works of your hands.”(Wis. 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?”(Eccl. 7:17).

8.32. What soul does not go through ordeals after death?

– From Sacred Tradition it is known that even the Mother of God, having received notification from the Archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, prostrated herself before the Lord, humbly begged Him so that, at the hour of the exodus of Her soul, She would not see the prince of darkness and the monsters of hell, but so that the Lord Himself would accept Her soul into His Divine hands. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them and do everything to cleanse the conscience and correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for man; For God will bring every deed into judgment, even every secret thing, whether it is good or evil.”(Eccl. 12:13,14).

8.33. They say that those who die on Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

– The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how the bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does all things.”(Eccl. 11:5). Anyone who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and received communion - by the grace of God, he can be granted a blessed life in eternity and regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his entire life in sins, did not confess or receive communion, but died on Bright Week, how can one say that he received the Kingdom of Heaven?

8.34. Why is it necessary to receive communion on the days of remembrance of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

- There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased get ready and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of sins related to the deceased, forgive him all insults and ask for forgiveness themselves.

8.35. How many days do people mourn for the deceased?

– There is a tradition of mourning for forty days for a deceased loved one, since on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will remain until the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, intense prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is intended to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, and to prevent active involvement in previous everyday affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

8.36. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

– The main days of remembrance of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and namesake. The day of death is the day of the second birth, but for a new one - not earthly, but eternal life. Before visiting the cemetery, you should come to the church at the beginning of the service and submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is commemorated at a proskomedia).

8.37. Is it possible to cremate the deceased?

– Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults. There is no prohibition in the sacred books to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian faith on another and the only acceptable way of burying bodies - this is by committing them to the earth (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59, 60). This method of burial, accepted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it with a special rite, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - the belief in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary euthanization of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is a natural bed of repose and who is therefore called by the Church the deceased (and according to the world - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.

If the deceased wished to be cremated, it is not a sin to violate this dying will. Cremation may be permissible only in exceptional cases when there is no way to bury the body of the deceased.

8.38. Is it possible to get married in the year of your mother's death?

– There is no special rule in this regard. Let your religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant life issues one must consult a priest.

8.39. What to do if you dream of a dead person?

– You don’t need to pay attention to dreams. However, we should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for constant prayer for it, because it itself can no longer do good deeds with which it would be able to appease God. Therefore, prayer (in church and at home) for deceased loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

8.40. What should you do if, after the death of a loved one, you are tormented by your conscience about the wrong attitude towards him during life?

– A living person can do much more for a deceased person than when he was alive. The deceased are in great need of prayer and alms given for them. Therefore, we must devote all our strength to prayer: read the Psalter at home, submit notes of remembrance in church, feed the poor and homeless, help the old and sick and ask them to remember the deceased. And in order for your conscience to calm down, you need to go to church for Confession and sincerely tell the priest everything that it accuses you of.

8.41. What to do when visiting a cemetery?

– When you arrive at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform the litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of the lithium yourself, having first purchased the corresponding brochure in a church or Orthodox store. If you wish, you can read an akathist about the repose of the departed. Just be silent, remember the deceased.

8.42. Is it possible to have a “wake” in a cemetery?

– Apart from the kutia consecrated in the temple, you should not eat or drink anything in the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this insults the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the grave “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. There is no need to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

8.43. Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, and Holy Spirit Day?

– Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of remembrance of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as anniversaries of death and namesake days of the deceased.

8.44. Is it possible to take a dog with you when visiting a cemetery?

– Of course, it’s not worth taking a dog to a cemetery for walking. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for a blind person or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. The dog should not be allowed to run over the graves.

A practical guide to parish counseling. St. Petersburg 2009.