How to write condolences on a death. How to briefly express sincere condolences in your own words

We all know that life does not stand still, some leave it, others come into this world. Each of us has experienced the death of someone we know or are close to, so all normal people consider it obligatory to support the person in this difficult moment, express their condolences, and help in some way. But it is not always possible to do this in person; you need to write a letter of condolences. How to write a letter of condolence Let's try to figure it out, because this must be done carefully, so as not to cause even greater suffering, not to injure, not to offend.

Verbal condolences to the bereaved

For expressing verbal condolences, the most important condition is that it should not be empty and formal; condolences must be spoken with sincere sympathy and an open soul. Otherwise, condolences become a formal, empty ritual that does not help the grieving person, but on the contrary adds even more pain. And nowadays, unfortunately, this happens quite often. Therefore, it is important to express verbal condolences as sincerely as possible, and not to say false and empty words in which no warmth is felt.

To verbally express sympathy, consider the following:

Feel free to express your feelings;
Know that condolences are expressed not only in words. It happens that it is simply impossible to find the right words, but condolences can be expressed by a simple touch to the grieving person, a hug, or a hand;
When expressing condolences, it is very important not only to choose comforting, sincere words, but also to reinforce these words with an offer of all possible help.

Therefore, when you express your condolences, do not hesitate to ask the grieving person what you can do to help in this situation. This will give sincerity and weight to your condolences.

How to choose the right words for condolences

At all times people prayed before how to express condolences. This is important, because in this situation it is difficult to find kind words. Prayer calms you down and helps you find sincere words. We encourage you to pray before expressing your condolences. This will not take much time, you can pray anywhere, in any place, it will not cause harm, but will bring a lot of benefit.

In addition, we may have a grudge against the person to whom we express condolences. It is the understatements and insults that prevent you from sincerely expressing words of consolation. So that this does not interfere, you need to forgive those with whom you are offended in prayer, and then the necessary words will appear on their own.

To express condolences, you need to remember the good moments from the life of the deceased, something good that the deceased did for you, remember what he was able to teach you, the joys that he brought you. This will make it much easier to find the right words.

What not to say when expressing condolences

As mentioned earlier, the most important condolences should not be formal. You must try not to write or speak general, insincere words. In addition, when expressing condolences, it is important not to use tactless, meaningless, banal and empty phrases. It should be noted that, trying in any way to console a person who has lost a loved one, one can make gross mistakes that can become a source of disappointment, resentment, aggression, and misunderstanding on the part of the sufferer. The fact is that a grieving person psychologically in the shock stage of grief feels, perceives and experiences everything differently. Therefore, to express condolences correctly, the main thing is to avoid making basic mistakes.

A few common phrases that are not recommended to be said when expressing condolences.

The future cannot be “comforted”

“Everything will pass, don’t cry”- people who utter such words of “sympathy” give the grieving person absolutely wrong attitudes. Thanks to such attitudes, a grieving person may think that crying is bad. And this can negatively affect the somatic, psycho-emotional state of the mourner. But if a person has been constantly crying for more than a year, then this is a reason to turn to specialists, but if several months have passed since the loss, then this state of the mourner is quite natural.

"Everything's gonna Be Alright, do not worry"- an empty statement that the person who is condoling presents as optimistic and giving hope to the one who is grieving. It should be understood that a person experiencing grief perceives this statement completely differently. At the moment, he does not see good, much less strive for it. The sufferer has not yet mourned the loss, has not come to terms with it, and cannot imagine his life without a dear and close person. Consequently, such senseless optimism will irritate him rather than help and calm him down.

"Time cures"- another banal phrase that neither the person uttering it nor the person grieving can understand. Alms, deeds of mercy, good deeds, prayer, God can heal the soul, but not time. A person can get used to and adapt over time. In any case, it is pointless to say this to the mourner. For him, time has stopped, the pain is still too acute, and as long as he experiences the loss, he makes no plans for the future, he does not believe that time can change anything.

You cannot devalue the loss and find positive aspects in the tragedy.

“He was seriously ill, his suffering was over. It will be better for him."- It is best to avoid such phrases. On the part of a person experiencing grief, this can cause rejection and aggression. Even if the grieving person agrees with this statement, the pain of the loss still does not become easier for him. He also painfully and acutely experiences the pain of loss.

When expressing condolences, the following phrases are often heard: “It’s hard, but your children are still growing”, “It’s good that the mother was not hurt”. Such statements should not be said to a grieving person. In such expressions, arguments are given that cannot reduce the pain from peri. Of course, he understands that everything could have been much worse, but even this cannot console him. A mother cannot replace a deceased father, and a second child cannot replace the first. Any person understands that it is impossible to console a fire victim with the fact that the car remains, even though the house burned down.

You can’t look for the “extreme”

Typically, such statements cause additional feelings of guilt in a person experiencing grief, and this may negatively affect his psychological state in the future. This is a fairly common mistake among those who write letters of condolence. The reason for this is that we do in this situation to find the “extreme”, “to blame” for the death.

Another attempt to find someone to blame instead of express condolences, are the following expression-statements: “The police will find the killer and will definitely punish him”, “Such doctors need to be tried”, “This driver should be brought to justice or even killed” and so on. Such judgments (unfairly or fairly) shift the blame to a third party. But solidarity in bad feelings towards the “extreme” will not help in any way to soften the pain of loss. There is no need to utter such phrases, they can incite aggression, condemnation and hatred in a grieving person. Talk or write a letter of condolence it is necessary only with words of sympathy for the grieving person. You can also say or write good words towards the deceased.

Another expression that comes up quite often is: “God gave, God took.” In reality, it cannot in any way console the sufferer, but, on the contrary, shifts the blame for the death of a person to God. A grieving person in such a state is not interested in the question of who is to blame for the death of a loved one. In the worst case, such an expression can cause unkind feelings and aggression towards God in a person.

“You know, he liked to drink a lot,” “He sinned a lot, that’s why this happened,” “He loved drugs, and this is the natural end for a people’s commissar.”. Sometimes people expressing condolences try to find the extreme, the culprit in the behavior, actions, and lifestyle of the deceased. In such cases, unfortunately, the desire to find someone to blame prevails over elementary ethics and human reason. There is no need for the grieving person to be reminded of the shortcomings of the deceased, this not only does not console, but also makes it even worse, the tragedy becomes more tragic, the grieving person feels even more guilty, which causes even more pain.

I would like to note that “consolation” with assessment or condemnation when expressing verbal condolences or in a letter of condolences is categorically unacceptable. To prevent this from happening, you must always remember that “There is either nothing or only good things about the dead.”

More mistakes that are often encountered when expressing condolences

In a letter of condolence, as well as in a verbal condolence, it is categorically not recommended to ask questions like: “How did this happen?”, “Did he say anything before his death?” and so on. This is tactless curiosity, not condolences.

It’s also bad when, trying to express condolences, people begin to cite themselves as examples of how they experienced the tragedy: “I felt bad too, but I got through it”, “I almost went crazy when my mother died” and so on. In some cases, this can help when your loved one is suffering and you have a great desire to support and help him. But basically, to show your sadness, you shouldn’t talk about your grief.

What not to do when communicating with a person experiencing grief

They cannot be ignored, and they will distance themselves from the person, thereby depriving him of their support. A person who is in grief may perceive this in such a way that you do not want to communicate with him, as a negative attitude towards him, rejection. If you are modest and are afraid of seeming intrusive, take into account the feelings of the grieving person and try to explain to him.

You can’t walk away from a situation and be afraid of intense emotions. It is not uncommon for people who sympathize to be frightened by the atmosphere around them and the strong emotions of those grieving. But under no circumstances should you distance yourself from these people and show that you are scared. Grieving people may also take this the wrong way.

Condolences - rules and etiquette

According to the rules of etiquette, the death of a loved one is notified not only to relatives and close friends, who often take part in organizing funerals and memorials, but also to long-time acquaintances and comrades. How to express condolences– visit relatives or participate in a funeral? It all depends on the level of your closeness to this family and on your capabilities.

If you cannot attend the funeral ceremony, then you must express your condolences. It is better to make your visit not for the first time days after the funeral, but during the first few weeks. When going on a condolence visit or to a funeral, you should wear a dark suit or dress. During a condolence visit, there is no need to discuss issues that are not related to death, discuss work problems, tactlessly recall funny stories, or talk about unrelated topics. If for some reason a person cannot make a personal visit, then you must write a letter of condolences, send an SMS message, an email or a telegram.

Letters of condolence can be divided into three groups:

Group one– letters announcing the death of a loved one. As a rule, they are sent to friends and relatives of the deceased.

Second group- letters of consolation. They are a response to the letter of the first group.

Third group– a letter in response to a letter of consolation. An integral part of mourning etiquette and written communication.

Letter of condolence. How to write a letter of condolence- it all depends on your sincerity and real desire to support a person during a difficult period of his life. Expressing condolences is more an element of etiquette than an overt need to show empathy.

Sample letter of condolence for death

When difficult news of loss comes to a family or circle of loved ones, relatives, friends, colleagues, one should remember the need for support and delicacy. It is very bitter to lose your loved ones, but it is necessary to find the strength within yourself to find the words to express your sympathy and condolences in connection with the death of a loved one.

How to properly offer condolences, talk about how the deceased was loved, what human qualities were especially valued and respected for?

Funeral speech

Farewell words at a funeral should be concise and logically structured. No matter how difficult they are to pronounce, they should not be unprepared, slurred, or excessively confusing. This may be perceived as disrespect for the deceased. That's why It’s worth thinking about the words that will be heard during funerals and farewells in advance., highlight the main points in it, draw up a diagram of the funeral speech. Its main parts and examples are given below:

Main parts of a funeral speech

1. Address to the guests gathered at the funeral
   “Dear family and friends of (name of the deceased)…”, “Dear guests!”, “Loved ones and relatives...”.
2. Introducing yourself, indicating the degree of relationship with the deceased.
   “My name is (proper name), (name of the deceased) and I were colleagues (friends, etc.) for ... years”, “We were neighbors with ...”, “Dad was ...”.
3. A memory of a tragic event and a short story about one’s own experiences, one’s pain.
   “We met him just yesterday...”, “40 days have already passed since...”, “He has not been with us for a year...”.
4. Characteristics of the deceased.
   “He always smiled...”, “He fought for life until the end...”, “He taught me...”.
5. Condolences or customary funeral words.
   “My sincere condolences...”, “May the earth rest in peace,” “Eternal memory,” “Rest in peace.”

When remembering a deceased person, you should not retell his biography at the funeral. You can say a few words about any significant episode of life, an interesting fact that reflects the dignity of the deceased. It is worth focusing the attention of people gathered at the funeral on the quality that is highly valued. It is better to remain silent about negative traits, sins, weaknesses, and ambiguous attitudes towards the deceased, following the Russian proverb “It’s either good or nothing about the deceased.”

Words of grief must come from the heart. Here is an example of a funeral speech delivered by Alexander Abdulov’s adopted daughter Ksenia Alferova:

“How grateful I am to God and fate that you were in my life. You are not my real dad - I, however, have never felt this. When I found out about this, I was terribly upset. I thought that this was some kind of injustice - he should have had a child of his own and by the end of his life he, or rather, she appeared! At first I was happy, and then I was afraid that you would no longer need me. I now realized that this was stupid, I realized that you needed me no less than I needed you... It’s a pity that you understand such things too late.”

Examples of short verbal condolences

When choosing words of grief intended for well-known relatives of the deceased, it is worth thinking over a deeply personal, sympathetic phrase. Words must be sincere and delicate. In moments of bitter loss, at a funeral, the feeling of falsehood turns out to be heightened.

The choice of words and format of verbal condolences depends on the circumstances. If a narrow circle of relatives and friends of the deceased gathers, the speech can be especially heartfelt and personal.

If a large number of people gather to see off a person on his last journey, then brief expressions of condolences are more appropriate, because words of sympathy and grief should be uttered by all those gathered.

Here are examples of such words:

• We all hurt, but it’s worse for you than anyone. If I can help you, please contact me right away.
• Be strong. We mourn with you.
• I sincerely sympathize with your loss.
• Our family feels very sorry for you. With the passing of (name of the deceased), we lost a piece of ourselves.
• (Name of the deceased) was such a wonderful person, we always followed his example. He will forever remain in our hearts.
• What a loss! I pray for (name of deceased).
• (Name of the deceased) did so much for me, I will never forget him. I sincerely sympathize with you.

Funeral speech

To commemorate the deceased, it is customary to gather a circle of relatives and people close to him on and through. The words spoken at a wake are traditionally imbued with warmth and light sadness. At the wake they talk about the deceased person, remember various stories and incidents from life.

• Funeral speeches, like mourning speeches at funerals, are drawn up according to the classical plan. At the same time, we must not forget about the need to declare a minute of silence in memory of the deceased. The role of the manager, who announces it and also gives the floor to those gathered in turn, is usually taken on by a person close to the family of the deceased.
• According to tradition, the words of the funeral speech are first spoken by the people closest to the deceased person - parents, spouses, children, brothers and sisters, and then friends and colleagues. The host should always have a few appropriate phrases prepared in case the performance of one of the guests is interrupted by crying.
• Funeral words are always pronounced standing. Their main task is to revive bright memories of the deceased in the memory of those gathered.

Here is an example of the words of a memorial speech on behalf of children remembering their father:

“Father has always been a wonderful example not only for all of us, but also for many people around him. From him we learned to see and distinguish true life values, to give kindness to others. Many people who knew him admired his bright soul. We believe that our father left us too early. Eternal memory to him!”

Poems and toasts

At a funeral, poetry is categorically inappropriate, while at a wake - on the 9th or 40th day, a year after death, poetry can sound more sincere and heartfelt than ever. Poems in these cases are acceptable, but carefully and in moderation, and it is better if they are of your own composition.

Mourning is said at the table. They should not relate exclusively to the personality of the deceased. Guests making toasts can express words of sympathy and grief for all the dead.

Here are examples of poems and toasts:

You died too early

Words cannot express our pain.

Sleep, dear, you are our pain and wound,

The memory of you is always alive.

My soul is worried without you,

You don't need girlfriends or friends.

Why is it possible without millions?

Why is it impossible without one?

“Friends, today is a day of sorrow. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with someone who left us. But today you and I drink this cup of sorrow, seeing off a person close to us on his last journey. But we will keep in our hearts the good memory of our friend, having hope of meeting again in a new place. Let's drink to the dregs for this!

The life of every person is filled to varying degrees with joyful and tragic events. Most people do not have any difficulties expressing emotions, understanding and perceiving happy holidays and positive life situations. But at the same time, some people find it difficult to find a few sincere words of condolences for a colleague, friend or loved one.

Psychological moment when expressing sympathy

An occasional tactless or inappropriate expression can unsettle a person who has recently experienced a tragic loss. Most often, people at such a moment are filled with unbearable pain and are emotionally unstable. Some time must always pass for a person to accept this pain, be able to cope with it and come to terms with the event that occurred.

Some need peace and solitude for a certain period of time, while others need sincere condolences for their loss. Many of the people who have experienced such grief begin to acutely feel the falsehood and pretense of their sympathizers, so it is worth behaving as tactfully as possible and not saying too much.

The essence of expressing condolences

The phrase “accept our sincere condolences” remains universal to this day; it is quite suitable for expressing grief for any reason. Of course, even such a general and short phrase (as well as any other) must be spoken completely sincerely. The word “condolence” itself can be read as “co-sympathy” or “shared illness.”

Likewise with sympathy, that is, a shared feeling. The meaning of offering condolences is to formally share the grief with the mourner and put some of his pain and suffering on one’s own shoulders. A more general meaning also implies providing any possible assistance to a person in order to somehow reduce his suffering. Many cultures believe that actions speak louder than words, an unwritten rule that applies to this situation perfectly.

What should you consider when empathizing with a bereaved person?

In addition to sincerity, you should prepare to be patient, restrained and attentive to the person who has suffered a loss. In some cases, it is better to maintain a delicate silence than to rush ahead with words of consolation. Even after offering the most sincere condolences, it is never a bad idea to ask the mourner if he needs any help, and by your appearance demonstrate your full readiness to provide the necessary support in difficult times.

Words spoken from the bottom of the heart can become a real balm for the soul for the relatives and friends of the deceased. And a few pompous phrases, uttered only to maintain decency, will only offend those present.

Condolence form

Depending on the specific circumstances, the relationship with the grieving people and the general nature of the event, a person expresses sincere condolences in different forms. Examples of forms of condolences include:

• obituaries in newspaper columns;
• official collective or personal condolences;
• delivering a funeral speech or a few words at a funeral;
• a funeral speech for a specific occasion such as an anniversary or 9 days from the date of the tragedy;
• individual condolences to the loved ones of the deceased.

It is worth noting that the poetic form is more suitable for the written form of expressing grief, and prose is appropriate in both written and oral forms of offering condolences.

Ways to submit condolences

The modern world offers a slightly expanded number of communication options for offering condolences. Telegrams in the mail, which were ubiquitous literally 30 years ago, have now been replaced by instant messengers, social networks and video chats. Even e-mail perfectly replaces (at least in speed of delivery and convenience) outdated mail.

Sometimes one SMS with the text “accept my sincere condolences, be strong” is enough. However, it is recommended to send such messages only if the mourner has only a formal relationship or a distant acquaintance.

Social networks and condolences

Pages of deceased people on social networks like VK have often begun to be used as unique places for offering condolences. You can often see messages like “accept my sincere condolences, hang in there” on the wall of such an account. Sometimes relatives or friends of the deceased person continue to maintain the page, periodically updating statuses and responding to personal messages from users.

How ethical all this is is a subject of ongoing debate. It is generally accepted that relatives themselves have the right to decide whether they need to delete the page of the deceased. In addition, only relatives can contact the administration of the social network with a request to delete such an account. To do this, they will also need to provide scans or photographs of documents confirming death.

Interestingly, in addition to accounts, it is customary to create entire groups in memory of any tragic events with mass casualties, be it terrorist attacks, disasters or natural disasters. Everyone discusses the tragedy that happened and offers their condolences on the walls of such groups.

What should you pay attention to when offering condolences?

It is better to compose the text of a speech or letter of condolences for your loved ones and dearest people in your own words; you do not need to use a lot of template and routine formulations. Oral mourning should not be too drawn out, although one phrase “accept our sincere condolences” will clearly not be enough for a full speech.

Offering official condolences is usually done in writing, where it is appropriate to use a poetic syllable, designed together with several photographs of the deceased. A heartfelt poem can be taken from famous authors. If you wish, you can, of course, write your own poems, but they must be consistent in style and appropriate in content so as not to offend the memory of the deceased person.

Personal condolences are encouraged both in written and verbal form. The only requirement is exclusivity; you should not take the first text you come across on the Internet. At the very least, it is worth at least making your own edits and supplementing it. It is advisable to remember the distinctive character traits of the deceased, emphasizing his virtues such as honesty, wisdom, responsiveness, kindness, optimism, hard work or love of life.

Universal template phrases

There are a number of well-established phrases and expressions for offering condolences:

• “We all mourn your irreparable loss.”
• "Please accept our sincere condolences."
• “Let us keep the bright memory in our hearts of the wonderful man who left us untimely.”
• “We sincerely sympathize and condole your grief.”

In the future, you can offer all possible assistance financially or organizing related events using the following phrases:

• “You can count on us to provide any assistance. We will help you cope with all upcoming issues."
• “We will help you through this grief, support you and provide the necessary assistance to your family.”

If the deceased was a believing Orthodox Christian during his lifetime, then it would be absolutely appropriate to add the following expressions to his mournful speech:

Common mistakes in offering condolences

At times, words of comfort can only bring more pain when people make very common mistakes in composing verbal and written condolences. The most acute stage of suffering among loved ones and relatives normally lasts from 9 to 40 days. It is during this period that you need to be extremely careful and attentive to your own words.

If the phrase “accept our sincere condolences” is very general and neutral-positive, then a number of other expressions are simply not acceptable for cases of the loss of a loved one. An example would be the phrase “you’re pretty (pretty) and you’ll definitely get married (get married),” said to a widow or widower, respectively. It is equally tactless to say “no problem, give birth to a new one” to the parents of a deceased child. The general rule for banning such phrases is that the future cannot “comfort” a grieving person who has experienced a terrible loss. During the acute stage of grief, the griever is usually unable to think about his own prospects, he can only feel pain and loss in the present.

Seeking positivity in death is bad form. Such expressions of words of consolation should always be avoided. Phrases such as “he will be better there, he suffered,” “at least his father is still alive,” “you still have other children, after all,” can have exactly the opposite effect - cause sincere rejection and aggression from the grieving person. The second aspect is that such phrases can cause resentment towards the deceased, who, unlike the grieving person, no longer suffers. In the future, such thoughts can lead to a full-fledged guilt complex in the mourner.

Other unacceptable phrases when speaking words of comfort

Some say “please accept my most sincere condolences” and then add that they understand what the grieving person is feeling right now. Such phrases usually sound like this: “I understand perfectly well and know how difficult it is for you now.” This is usually not true and in some cases may even be offensive to the grieving person. It is much more appropriate to say something like “I can only imagine how bad you feel.”

Questions about the incident, clarification of details and particulars of death immediately after offering condolences are extremely inappropriate. The mourner will tell everything himself - when he is ready for it. Talking about your own difficulties and problems makes no sense and is absolutely discourteous towards the grieving person.

General etiquette rules for offering condolences

A few simple rules will help you understand how best to behave in this situation:

• You cannot speak to the mourner in an overly delicate and courteous manner, avoiding touching on his feelings. Logical premises in this situation are meaningless. On the contrary, there is no need to be afraid of a flurry of emotions and to distance yourself.
• A grieving person may refuse a conversation or offer of help. It is unlikely that this should be regarded as a personal insult; most likely, the person did not want to offend anyone, but it is difficult for him to pull himself together and perceive everything correctly.
• You should not distance yourself from the grieving person and look for a way out and avoid the current situation. Excessive modesty should not become an obstacle to communication; it is worth at least expressing elementary words of consolation like “accept my sincere condolences for your loss.”

As already written above, the golden rule of a good mournful speech or written consolation to the mourning is the genuine sincerity of the one who wants to help with a kind word and express his good intentions.

Hello dear readers. Each of us has faced a situation where it was vital to support a loved one who had experienced loss. And there is no such person who would not think about how to express condolences over a death.

What are condolences

How to convey to a person that you sympathize with him, worry and are simply ready to support with all your might? What are condolences, and what should not be said? Let's try to figure it out.

Let's start with a definition. On the one hand, words of grief are an expression of moral support for a person experiencing grief. On the other hand, it is the duty of a person present at a funeral or death anniversary, an unshakable rule of etiquette that should be observed.

Fact. On the day of mourning, everyone, regardless of desire, must say these two words: “my condolences.”

Funeral words should not offend, offend, or evaluate the current situation. Their main role is sympathy, simple and human. It is not necessary to write poetry, long obituaries and make sentimental speeches about the deceased. Your task is to provide support to relatives - moral, financial, physical.

In addition, one must realize that the burial ceremony is not only a symbolic farewell to another world, but also a very troublesome matter that requires physical and financial assistance, because organizing an entire funeral procession is not so easy.

That is why an envelope with a small amount of money given to a person who has lost a loved one will become so-called humanitarian aid.

Words of sorrow on the occasion of death

Condolences regarding the death of a Muslim should contain the following words: “may Allah grant you patience,” “may Allah forgive your deceased,” “may Allah grant you happiness to your home in exchange for grief.”

Words of grief in this faith also imply instructions, prayers for forgiveness, parting words and wishes for earthly blessings in return for the grief that has overtaken the family.

When talking about the death of a father or mother, you can use established phrases:

1. This loss is irreplaceable for all of us. The loss of such support, reliable and so close, is always difficult to accept.
2. Please accept my sincere condolences. I knew your father (mother), he was a very good person. We will never forget him, his memory will be eternal.
3. There are no words to express my sorrow. This is terrible, and losing such a person is like losing a piece of your soul, your heart. Hang in there, we are with you.

It is especially difficult to find words of sympathy for a person who has lost his child - a son or daughter. What can you say other than “Be strong”? Maybe something like this:

This is a terrible shock for us. I can't believe he/she left so early. It was so early for him to leave this world, but time does not spare anyone. If there is heaven in the world, then let him go there. He deserves better.

Advice. Common phrases exist so that you can compose your monologue, short but meaningful in meaning. These are, first of all, templates that are designed to help those who find it difficult to express their thoughts on this matter.

Condolences on the death of husband, father

Any tragically cut short life causes pain and bitterness in the hearts of people. When expressing grief to people who have lost their husband or father, you must understand who this person was to his family:

1. It is very difficult to accept such a loss, my husband is an unbreakable support, the head, and it so happened that he is no longer with us all. Patience, my dears, strength. We offer our condolences.
2. Please accept our deepest condolences and help, symbolic, but still. Such a terrible tragedy has come to your home, may God give you strength and peace to your home.
3. Eternal memory to him... What a man, what a personality. He was truly amazing and sincere, may he rest in peace, we will miss him very much.

Well, let’s say these are roughly the words of grief spoken to loved ones in need of support.

Remember, these are just general examples of how to speak at funerals and on days of mourning. Along with such phrases, as a rule, you should offer an envelope with cash. Let this help be even a symbolic drop in the ocean, but the sea consists of drops like these.

Don’t be afraid to hug a person, offer a scarf, or bring carnations to the altar of the deceased. Every step of an attempt to get closer and help a person will echo in him an echo of kindness and warmth. The grieving person needs support more than any words, no matter how harmonious and beautiful they may be.

Mourning clothes

When entering a house where mourning is taking place, according to the rules of etiquette, men are supposed to take off their hats; this rule does not apply to women. Also take care of your appearance. Discreet, without rhinestones, crystals or bright prints, floor-length black dresses are perfect for such an evening.

An open neckline and bright makeup are not allowed, and men are supposed to dress in formal suits; dull sweaters and shirts are allowed.

Advice. Sometimes a person's appearance speaks more than their words. Vulgar appearance is not allowed for girls or adult ladies. Be modest, decent, speak in a calm, quiet voice, and keep banal valerian tablets in your purse.

A funeral or death anniversary can be calm and civilized, or extremely emotional.

What not to say on a day of mourning

If we make a top list of the most stupid and inappropriate phrases regarding a death or death anniversary, then the honorable first place will be taken by an expression like: “How are you?” Do you agree?

Second place will be given to the remark: “This was to be expected” or “It was predetermined by fate.”

Stupid phrases like “That’s life” and “We’ll all be there.” Hearing this is not the most pleasant thing for a person in mourning. And to say something like that should be enough courage and shamelessness, but there are such amazing people.

Do not show excessive concern for a person who is in a mourning mood. Let him be with his thoughts, cry, say goodbye to the deceased and just come to his senses.

Expressing words of sorrow in a letter

In the age of high industry, you don’t have to empty your wallet for a carrier pigeon. It is enough to write an SMS or a letter: short, but conveying the meaning of your words.

This way you will remind them of yourself, show how you care and sympathize. Even a small SMS message will be a good message and good support.

In such a message it is necessary to fit briefly very meaningful phrases. For example:

Please accept my condolences, this is a great tragedy. I am with you in thought, hugging, kissing.

Messages of this kind can be sent to a friend, a colleague, a mother, or a grandfather.

But if you decide to write an entire memoir about your grief, then prepare pen and ink; the speech should uncompromisingly express your experiences.

An example text of a letter may contain the following expressions:

When I found out what happened, I couldn’t hold back my tears. There are no words to express the pain of loss. I am sincerely sorry that such a long distance separates us, and I cannot support you personally, just hug you at such a difficult moment in life. I hope that your closest people are with you now and they are supporting you.

If you enclose a couple of banknotes, I think this letter will further express your sincere feelings and show that you support the person dear to you with all your might.

How Orthodox Christians Express Condolences

Orthodoxy believes in an afterlife - where both hell and heaven exist. Every person, professing Orthodoxy, hopes to go to heaven to the Lord God himself, therefore, if you express words of sorrow and condolences to an Orthodox person, the following expressions would be quite appropriate:

• May he rest in peace;
• May God grant you patience and all the best;
• The Lord is generous and merciful, may He forgive our sins;
• sleep well, may God rest his soul.

Be punctual, behave naturally and politely. A sign of support and good attitude is your attention. In this way, you show your reluctance to remain on the sidelines when grief occurs to your loved ones.

I hope this article was helpful to you. Do not write long obituaries - speak sincerely and from the heart. Share this parting word with your friends and loved ones on social networks. Subscribe to our blog updates. All the best!