Irritability and aggression in men. The nature of male aggression

If a man is irritated, angry for no reason, and often lashes out at others, this is already a diagnosis. And I must say, it’s not very comforting. Male aggression is the subject of study in psychology, neurology, and psychiatry, but to date no universal cure for this disease has been invented. There are too many faces, and even in the first stages, an attack of male aggression is practically indistinguishable from an ordinary, unremarkable irritable state. But it is precisely from this that neurosis can begin, which, if measures are not taken in time, very quickly transforms into an irreversible mental disorder.

First, let's figure out what aggression is? This word itself has ancient roots and translated from Latin means: “attack, attack.” This term refers to the behavior of people and animals. The former usually have manifestations of verbal (verbal) and physical aggression, which can be directed both at their own kind and at inanimate objects, objects, and phenomena. It is noteworthy that in people aggression can also manifest itself towards themselves - in the form of suicide.

Aggression tends to manifest itself in several forms at once, which at the same time are its distinctive features from other types of human behavior. Firstly, usually aggression is not actually provoked by anything real - it’s just that the one who is in its state seeks to dominate others. Secondly, it always includes an encroachment, an attack on the freedom, personal space, and objects of another person’s affection. And its third aspect is always destructive, hostile behavior during an attack.

It is noteworthy that a person who shows causeless aggression will never admit to himself the presence of deviant behavior, but will say that he was simply not in the mood, and everything has already passed.

Who gets attacked by aggression?

The family suffers first. It is the main unit of society that usually takes the most significant part of the blows from male attacks of aggression. Constant scandals, showdowns, numerous humiliations and insults, assault, violent acts are indispensable components of such an attack. Have you ever wondered what the other half of the aggressor feels during these hours and minutes? Who else, if not the woman observing a man’s attack, gets the lion’s share of all these “charms”.

And the fairer sex has no other choice but to try to mentally absorb the attacks inflicted by the aggressor, as far as is naturally possible from the point of view of personal safety, life and health. Some people remain silent in response to all their husband’s baseless remarks, some try to divert his attention and talk about positive topics, some agree with all the insults directed at them, and some simply run away from home on urgent matters that suddenly appear.

Alas, all these psychological shock absorbers have a short shelf life, and in some cases they turn out to be simply useless and will in no way be able to protect the family from male attacks of aggression.

What are the causes of aggressive behavior and are there any?

Yes, there are reasons for groundless male aggression. But they do not lie in the behavior of the victims of the aggressors, as the latter often explain their position. Attacks of aggression in men always have a certain relationship and interdependence. But in patients with mental disorders, taking into account the general clinical picture of a particular disease, they are already more clearly manifested. And for those who suffer from neuroses, they still exist in a kind of rudiment, an outline, which are usually correctly called factors influencing attacks of aggression in men.

The first and most important factor is the presence of psychoactive substances in the body of the stronger sex. Alcoholism, smoking, drinking energy drinks, drug addiction, and substance abuse are not uncommon among the male half of humanity today. So is it any wonder where various neuroses come from in men, when bad habits are the best companions of many?

Insufficiency of dopamine and serotonin metabolism, which are responsible for self-control, self-esteem, and impulsiveness of a person, also contributes to the appearance of aggression in male behavioral reactions.

Environmental factors are a special topic. Few of the representatives of the male half of humanity think that the environmental causes of almost any attack of aggression include unstable, stressful, chaotic home and work situations.

The cause of uncontrolled aggressive behavior in the male and possibly the female half of humanity is also various physiological abnormalities in the activity of vital organs and somatic diseases. For example, brain tumors or brain injuries, metabolic disorders can quite naturally become the starting point of an attack of male aggression. Post-traumatic stress disorder, if not addressed in time, can also easily lead to this result.

But knowing about the physiological predisposition of the body to deviant behavior, you can prevent the occurrence of an attack of male aggression and even, if possible, take preventive measures.

What to do with the consequences?

Among the factors influencing attacks of aggression in men, it is always necessary to highlight not only the medical, but also the social component. Namely: antisocial traits characteristic of a person, when violent actions are recognized by a representative of the stronger sex as an acceptable means to achieve certain goals.

Therefore, it is believed that prevention and treatment of the consequences of even a single attack of aggression include both medical and social components. The first is associated with contacting specialists in healthcare institutions, with pharmacological influences, the second - with the competent behavior of others who witnessed the onset of the attack.

In men's hands, even a simple household item can turn into a serious weapon of aggression. Therefore, immediately pay attention to this and keep the person who is having an attack in your field of vision, under no circumstances turning your back to him.

It can be difficult to recognize a sign of an incipient attack in male threats. Therefore, defiant words should be taken as seriously as possible, because they are an alarm bell that a male attack of aggression can occur at any moment.

It is necessary to immediately establish a safe distance between a man who is having an attack of aggression and those around him, as soon as a scandalous, conflictual, life- and health-threatening situation begins. It’s best not to start mindlessly being a hero at the moment. And those who decide to come into contact with a person who is in an excited, spontaneously aggressive state need to maintain maximum confidence and calm.

Looking for a way out of this situation

It is negative emotions that are the basis of aggressive behavior in people, and there are many reasons for such emotional states. But knowing the peculiarities of male psychology, to some extent it is possible to switch the attention of men prone to attacks of aggression to positive life moments.

Taking into account the peculiarities of motivation for male aggressive behavior, you can try to simulate situations in which negativity would be directed not into a fit of rage, but in a positive direction. But without the qualified help of a psychologist, neurologist, or psychiatrist, all these unprofessionally performed psychotherapeutic delights may not always end in calming the aggressor.

If measures are not taken in time, a single attack of aggression can, after some time, become an integral part of the male psyche, and a reversible neurotic disorder will be quickly followed by an irreversible - mental one.

Aggression is an attack motivated by destructive behavior that contradicts all norms of human coexistence and harms the targets of the attack, causing moral and physical harm to people, causing psychological discomfort. From the perspective of psychiatry, aggression in humans is considered a method of psychological defense against a traumatic and unfavorable situation. It can also be a way of psychological release, as well as self-affirmation.

Aggression causes damage not only to an individual, an animal, but also to an inanimate object. Aggressive behavior in humans is considered in the following sections: physical - verbal, direct - indirect, active - passive, benign - malignant.

Causes of aggression

Aggressive behavior in humans can be caused by a variety of reasons.

The main causes of aggression in humans:

- abuse of alcohol, as well as drugs that weaken the nervous system, which provokes the development of an aggressive, inadequate reaction to minor situations;

- problems of a personal nature, unsettled personal life (lack of a life partner, a feeling of loneliness, intimate problems that cause, and later turn into an aggressive state and manifest themselves at every mention of the problem);

- mental trauma received in childhood (neurosis received in childhood due to poor parental relations);

- strict upbringing provokes future manifestations of aggressiveness towards children;

- passion for watching quest games and thrillers;

- overwork, refusal to rest.

Aggressive behavior is observed in a number of mental and nervous disorders. This condition is observed in patients with epilepsy, schizophrenia, due to injuries and organic lesions of the brain, meningitis, encephalitis, psychosomatic disorders, neurasthenia, epileptoid psychopathy.

The causes of aggression are subjective factors (customs, revenge, historical memory, extremism, fanaticism of some religious movements, the image of a strong person introduced through the media, and even the psychological individual traits of politicians).

There is a misconception that aggressive behavior is more characteristic of people with mental illness. There is evidence that only 12% of people who committed aggressive acts and were referred for a forensic psychiatric examination were diagnosed with mental illness. In half of the cases, aggressive behavior was a manifestation, and in the rest, inappropriate aggressive reactions were noted. In fact, in all cases there is an exaggerated reaction to circumstances.

Observation of teenagers has shown that television perpetuates an aggressive state through crime programs, which further enhances the effect. Sociologists, such as Carolyn Wood Sheriff, challenge the popular belief that sports act as ersatz war without bloodshed. Long-term observations of teenagers at a summer camp showed that sports competitions not only do not reduce mutual aggressiveness, but only intensify it. An interesting fact was discovered about the removal of aggressiveness in adolescents. Working together in the camp not only united the teenagers, but also helped relieve mutual aggressive tension.

Types of aggression

A. Bass, as well as A. Darkey, identified the following types of aggression in humans:

- physical, when direct force is used to inflict physical and moral damage on the enemy;

- irritation manifests itself in readiness for negative feelings; indirect aggression is characterized in a roundabout way and is directed at another person;

- negativism is an oppositional manner of behavior, marked by passive resistance to active struggle, directed against established laws and customs;

- verbal aggression is expressed in negative feelings through such forms as screeching, screaming, through verbal responses (threats, curses);

Growing up is a difficult stage in the life of every teenager. The child wants independence, but is often afraid of it and is not ready for it. Because of this, the teenager has contradictions that he is not able to sort out on his own. At such moments, the main thing is not to distance yourself from the children, to show tolerance, not to criticize, to talk only as equals, to try to calm them down, to understand them, to understand the problem.

Aggression in adolescents manifests itself in the following types:

- hyperactive - a motor-disinhibited teenager who is brought up in a family in an atmosphere of permissiveness of the “idol” type. To correct behavior, it is necessary to build a system of restrictions using game situations with mandatory rules;

- an exhausted and touchy teenager who is characterized by increased sensitivity, irritability, touchiness, and vulnerability. Behavior correction includes relieving mental stress (hitting something, noisy play);

- an oppositional-defiant teenager who shows rudeness towards people he knows, parents who are not role models. The teenager transfers his mood and problems onto these people. Behavior modification involves problem solving in collaboration;

- an aggressive-fearful teenager who is hostile and suspicious. Correction includes working with fears, modeling a dangerous situation with the child, overcoming it;

- an aggressively insensitive child who is not characterized by emotional responsiveness, sympathy, and empathy. Correction includes stimulating humane feelings and developing children's responsibility for their actions.

Aggression in adolescents has the following causes: learning difficulties, shortcomings in upbringing, characteristics of the maturation of the nervous system, lack of cohesion in the family, lack of closeness between the child and parents, the negative nature of relationships between sisters and brothers, family leadership style. Children from families where there is discord, alienation, and coldness are most prone to aggression. Communication with peers and imitation of older schoolchildren also contributes to the development of this condition.

Some psychologists believe that teenage aggressiveness can be suppressed as childish, but there are nuances here. In childhood, the social circle is limited only by parents, who independently correct aggressive behavior, and in adolescence, the social circle becomes wider. This circle expands to include other teenagers with whom the child communicates as equals, which is not the case at home. Hence the problems in families. A group of peers considers him an independent, separate and unique person, where his opinion is taken into account, but at home the teenager is classified as an unreasonable child and his opinion is not taken into account.

How to respond to aggression? To extinguish aggression, parents need to try to understand their child, accept his position if possible, listen, and help without criticism.

It is important to eliminate aggression from the family, where it is the norm between adults. Even as a child grows up, parents act as role models. For parents of brawlers, the child will grow up to be the same in the future, even if the adults do not clearly express aggression in front of the teenager. The feeling of aggressiveness occurs on a sensory level. It is possible that a teenager grows up quiet and downtrodden, but the consequences of family aggression will be as follows: a cruel, aggressive tyrant will grow up. To prevent such an outcome, it is necessary to consult a psychologist to correct aggressive behavior.

Prevention of aggression in adolescents includes: the formation of a certain range of interests, involvement in positive activities (music, reading, sports), involvement in socially recognized activities (sports, work, art, organization), avoiding manifestations of force in relation to the teenager, discussing problems together, listening to feelings of children, lack of criticism, reproaches.

Parents must always remain tolerant, loving, gentle, communicate on equal terms with teenagers and remember that if you move away from your child now, it will be very difficult to get closer later.

Aggression in men

Male aggression is strikingly different from female aggression in its attitudes. Men resort mainly to an open form of aggression. They often experience much less anxiety, as well as feelings of guilt during periods of aggression. For them, aggression is a means of achieving their goals or a unique model of behavior.

Most scientists who have studied human social behavior have suggested that aggression in men is determined by genetic reasons. This behavior made it possible to pass on one’s genes from generation to generation, defeat rivals and find a partner for procreation. Scientists Kenrick, Sadalla, Vershour, as a result of research, found that women consider leadership and dominance of men to be attractive qualities for themselves.

Increased aggression in men occurs due to social as well as cultural factors, or more precisely, in the absence of a culture of behavior and the need to demonstrate confidence, strength and independence.

Women's aggression

Women often use psychological implicit aggression; they are worried about what kind of resistance the victim may give them. Women resort to aggression during outbursts of anger to relieve mental and nervous tension. Women, being social creatures, have emotional sensitivity, friendliness and empathy, and their aggressive behavior is not as pronounced as men's.

Aggression in older women baffles loving relatives. Often this type of disorder is classified as a symptom if there are no obvious reasons for such behavior. Attacks of aggression in women are characterized by a change in character and an increase in negative traits.

Aggression in women is often provoked by the following factors:

- congenital hormonal deficiency caused by early developmental pathology, which leads to mental disorders;

- emotional negative experiences of childhood (sexual violence, abuse), victimization of intrafamily aggression, as well as the pronounced role of the victim (husband);

- hostile relationship with mother, childhood mental trauma.

Aggression in the elderly

The most common disorder in older people is aggression. The reason is a narrowing of the circle of perception, as well as a false interpretation of the events of an elderly person who is gradually losing touch with society. This is caused by a decrease in memory for current events. For example, stolen items or missing money. Such situations cause problems in family relationships. It is very difficult to convey to an elderly person with memory impairment that the missing item will be found because it was placed in another place.

Aggression in the elderly manifests itself in emotional disturbances - grumpiness, irritability, protest reactions to everything new, a tendency to conflict, groundless insults and accusations.

The state of aggression is often caused by atrophic processes and vascular diseases of the brain (). These changes often go unnoticed by relatives and others, being attributed to “bad character.” A competent assessment of the condition and the correct selection of therapy allows one to achieve good results in establishing peace in the family.

Husband's aggression

Family disagreements and strong husband aggression are the most discussed topics in consultations with psychologists. Conflicts and disagreements that provoke mutual aggression among spouses are as follows:

- uncoordinated, unfair division of labor in the family;

- different understanding of rights and responsibilities;

- insufficient contribution of one of the family members to household work;

— chronic dissatisfaction of needs;

- shortcomings, defects in upbringing, discrepancies in mental worlds.

All family conflicts arise for the following reasons:

- dissatisfaction with the intimate needs of one of the spouses;

- dissatisfaction with the need for the significance and value of one’s “I” (violation of self-esteem, dismissive and disrespectful attitude, insults, resentments, incessant criticism);

— dissatisfaction with positive emotions (lack of tenderness, affection, care, understanding, attention, psychological alienation of spouses);

- addiction to gambling, alcoholic beverages of one of the spouses, as well as hobbies that lead to unreasonable waste of money;

— financial disagreements between spouses (issues of family support, mutual budget, each person’s contribution to material support);

— dissatisfaction with the need for mutual support, mutual assistance, the need for cooperation and cooperation associated with the division of labor, housekeeping, and child care;

— dissatisfaction with needs and interests in leisure and recreation.

As you can see, there are many reasons for conflict, and each family can identify its own pain points from this list.

Sociological studies have found that men are most sensitive to material and everyday problems and difficulties of adaptation at the beginning of family life. If a husband has male problems, then often the whole family suffers from this, but the wife suffers the most. Feeling his powerlessness, a man looks for the culprit and in this case it turns out to be a woman. The accusations are based on the fact that the wife is no longer arousing as before, she has gained weight, and has stopped taking care of herself.

The husband's aggression is expressed in petty nagging, dictatorship, provocations, and family quarrels. Often this is a consequence of dissatisfaction, as well as lack of self-confidence.

The reason for the husband’s aggression lies in his complexes and in no case are the wife’s shortcomings and behavior to blame. Having analyzed the form of manifestation of the husband’s aggression, one can find that it can be verbal, in which there is a demonstration of negative emotions (insults, rudeness). This behavior is typical of domestic tyrants.

A husband's aggression can be indirect and expressed in malicious remarks, offensive jokes, jokes, and pettiness. Lies, threats and refusal to help are also expressions of indirect aggression. Deceitful and evading husbands get their way with the help of hysterics and threats. This behavior is typical of despots, psychopaths, brawlers, and torturers. Men with personality disorders are very difficult, both for communication and for family life. Some husbands show cruelty (physical and moral).

Most women try to improve relations with their aggressor husband, but all attempts to improve the relationship and the desire to learn to understand the aggressor, as well as to become happier with him, come to a dead end.

The main mistakes made by a woman with an aggressor husband:

- often shares her fears and hopes, counting on understanding, giving her husband the opportunity to once again be convinced that she is weak and defenseless;

- constantly share your plans and interests with the aggressor, giving your husband another opportunity to criticize and condemn her;

- often the victim wife tries to find common topics for conversation, but in response she receives silence and coldness;

— the woman mistakenly believes that the aggressor will rejoice at her successes in life.

These paradoxes indicate that all a woman’s aspirations for internal growth and improvement of relationships with her aggressor husband only worsen the situation. An interesting fact is that the aggressor, when scolding a woman, describes exactly himself in the accusations that he attributes to her.

Fighting aggression

What to do when you feel aggression? You should not put up with the tyranny of your spouse, because you cause great damage to yourself and your self-esteem. You do not have to endure attacks, bad temper, supposedly from a stranger. You are an independent person with the same rights as your husband. You have the right to emotional peace, rest, and respect for yourself.

How to treat aggression?

It is important for the aggressor himself to understand the reason that prompted him to such behavior. If you persuade your husband to consult a psychologist, you will receive recommendations from a specialist on eliminating aggression from your life. However, if the husband’s personality anomaly is pronounced and further cohabitation is unbearable, then the best option would be divorce. Husbands of the tyrant category do not understand well, so you should not indulge them. The more you give in to them, the more brazenly they behave.

Why is it necessary to fight aggression? Because nothing passes without a trace, and every painful injection causes certain damage to the female psyche, even if the woman finds excuses for her tyrant, forgives and forgets the insult. After some time, the husband will again find a reason to offend his wife. And a woman will try to maintain peace at any cost.

Constant insults, as well as humiliation, negatively affect women’s self-esteem, and, in the end, a woman begins to admit that she doesn’t know how to do much. Thus, he develops an inferiority complex.

An adequate normal man should help a woman, support her in everything, and not constantly humiliate her and poke her nose at her shortcomings. Constant nagging and reproaches will affect the general tone and mood and disrupt a woman’s peace of mind, which will have to be restored with the help of specialists.

Good afternoon A child (son) 1 year 10 months shows aggression, endless tantrums with or without cause. If we are in a company with children, then he bites, pushes, hits, hugs everyone with such force that he almost strangles them, and takes away all the toys. He reacts to the word “can’t” with hysterics, lies on the floor and yells, freaks out. I try to calm him down and explain that this is not possible, and he starts hitting and biting me. Yes, sometimes he just lies down next to me and starts kicking me. He doesn't offend anyone else in the family except me. I don’t know how to behave with him anymore...

Good afternoon, Anastasia. The development of children from 1 to 2 years of life is complicated by a number of crises associated with growing up. At this stage of development, the child begins to feel himself as an individual separate from the mother and to get to know himself, to look for his own “I”. Each new children's achievement is a kind of leap. Often, in some children, such mini-crises provoke so-called behavioral failures. For example, some children become capricious or have trouble sleeping.
Most psychologists are convinced that the only period in which hysterics are acceptable is when a toddler is one year old. After all, he does not have enough vocabulary to explain his desires and behavior, and hysterics are his usual way of behaving. He simply doesn’t know any other way. Just a couple of months ago, all he had to do was whine, and his parents would immediately run to him, calm him down, console him, and fulfill his wishes. And today, although he has matured a little, he still does not know any other way to attract attention. You need to understand that the toddler himself will not be able to cope with hysteria, he simply will not be able to calm down on his own, so you should pick up the child and hold him close. But shouting, slapping the butt, and swearing is wrong and harmful to the child’s further development.

Good afternoon.
I have self-aggression. I know for sure because I have been suffering from this for a long time. I have a five-year-old son and I try to restrain myself...I try very hard.... however, sometimes I can’t resist and my son hears... and comes from the other room and asks “Mom, why are you beating yourself?”... we need to do something about it...
Is there any over-the-counter medication I can take to take the course?
I don’t want to go to specialists - I’m afraid that they’ll lock me up in a mental hospital and take my son away. The long period of restraint is 7-10 days, then I still have a breakdown... and PMS has nothing to do with it.
Thank you

Hello Tatiana. We recommend that you contact a private specialist regarding your problem. The paid clinic ensures anonymity, the psychiatrist will help you understand yourself and your personality problems.
Understanding why you harm yourself is the first step towards recovery. If you identify the reason why you physically harm yourself, you can find new ways to cope with your feelings, which in turn will reduce the desire to harm yourself.
- thanks for the answer!
  Do I need a psychiatrist or psychologist or neurologist?
  - Tatyana, in your case, a psychotherapist is the best option.

Good afternoon. I probably won’t be original in my problem, but I would like to hear an assessment and advice regarding my specific situation.
Married for over 20 years. The relationship with my husband is good, except for the outbursts of anger that occur regularly, once every few months. The same scenario always happens. It begins with his irritability, which manifests itself from several days to a week. He’s the one who’s accumulating anger, that’s what I think. Moreover, he gets irritated at any word, but it is clear that he is trying to restrain himself. Then there comes a moment when this any word becomes the starting point for his scandal. This is the last case in particular. We live outside the city. I came from the city and brought my child from school. Saturday. He is sitting preparing lunch. He loves to cook. He does it with pleasure. Released the dogs from the enclosures. We have 5 Central Asian Shepherds. A neighbor arrived. They ran to the fence and barked at the neighbor. I'm nervous. I say that you can’t let everyone out into the yard at once. God forbid anything happens. The husband says he will drive them out soon. And if I need it, I can do it myself. I say that I can’t do it myself, because I’m sick (chondrosis has broken, it hurts to turn), and it started. Potatoes flew into the wall, and accusations that I sent the food, ruined everything, a bastard and the last person in the whole wide world. I turned around, told my son to start the car, and went to round up the dogs myself. I took two of them away, put the third on a leash, my husband came out and started shouting that I was taking this dog to the wrong place. I got behind the wheel and asked for the gate remote control. He said there was no remote control. Although he has it in his pocket. I turned around and left through the task gate.
I never raised my voice. The only thing she said was that I didn’t see my fault. In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer.
Then our next scenario begins. Now we won't talk to each other for a long time. He seriously believes that he is absolutely right. Ends up having to talk at work. (we work together in our organization).
Then again dear, beloved, sun until next time. Please tell me if there is a model of behavior to avoid these aggressive outbursts. Sometimes I fear for the lives of my children and myself. Because when he is furious, he flies with such force that it becomes scary.

Hello Olga. Your problem is clear. We recommend changing your attitude towards your husband’s periodic aggressive outbursts - stop being offended, experiencing psychological discomfort and proving something. No matter how hard you try, they will still repeat themselves. This does not depend on your behavior or the behavior of your children.
“In the evening I wrote to him that he was causing me pain and resentment. But there is no anger towards him. He didn't answer." “There’s no point in explaining anything to my husband either.” His aggression is a psychological release. Try to anticipate your husband’s condition and not support the conflict in any form.

My husband has attacks of aggression, mainly if I am not happy with the fact that he drinks at work or on vacation with the same group of employees. In my opinion, they drink often, only 10-15 people have birthdays, not to mention holidays. My husband is 53 years old, has hypertension, and constantly takes pills to lower his blood pressure. I don’t think alcohol contributes to his health and longevity, and of course I say that it’s unpleasant for me. 5 years ago he quit smoking, before that he smoked all the time. Now he constantly reproaches me for this during quarrels. This seems strange to me, I say that if he only did this for me, and now this is his “trump card” argument in our dialogues, then why such sacrifices, I don’t need them. He says that I control him, that almost everyone laughs at him... And what is masculine strength - I want to smoke and drink - it’s my business - you sit quietly, or what? I’m not talking about the fact that there are people who never drink of their own free will, who don’t drink in groups, but are present at corporate events, and in general are the soul of the company (I had such an employee). I don’t see any heroism here; a person does this of his own free will. Today we were at another corporate party, company day, I haven’t been having conversations lately on the topic, I drank or didn’t drink, it’s good for you after that, it’s bad…. I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else, and in general I didn’t intend to... God, what started here: throwing things, motherfucker, that I’m already for him... that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and I’m making it work for him here, I almost pulled down the interior doors. I was scared that he was going to beat me up, but he flew out, slamming the front door to God knows where... I have no one to turn to, my parents are no longer alive, my brothers and sisters are gone, my cousins are far away, they have families, children, grandchildren, but what about a friend? tell me. I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal? I'm trying to adequately assess the situation and figure it out. If a person considers himself henpecked just because he takes into account his wife’s opinion, or calls her once a day, in my opinion this is not normal. Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again. At the same time, oddly enough, my husband is the breadwinner in the family, the head of the enterprise, I also earn money, but less, which seems normal. What's wrong and what should I do?

Hello, Tasha.
“I arrived, I said that I would call at least once a day, just like that, say hello, how are you... I didn’t even say anything else”
With these words you unconsciously tried to make him feel guilty and they served as a trigger for his aggression. The husband may have already arrived in a bad mood or is subconsciously always ready for the next claims, and these words were enough to throw out aggression on you.
“I don’t understand what I’m guilty of, what’s wrong with hearing a kind word from the person you live with just one in a day, isn’t that normal?” - Of course you're right. But forcing a man to express his attention to you in this way is also wrong. You yourself can show attention, care towards your husband, speak kind words and tell him, if possible, when he is in a good mood, that you miss him and can barely restrain yourself from calling him when he is at work. During the conversation, monitor your spouse’s reaction so as not to aggravate the situation and switch the conversation to another topic in time.
“Now I kind of have to be on alert all the time, choose my words, what if I do something to shake his self-esteem again... This is not life - in constant tension, and the expectation that he will be “offended” again.” Unfortunately, this happens very often. After all, men are very proud, vulnerable and touchy. And the key to a happy life in marriage is the ability to shut up in time.

Hello! In our family, unfortunately, the following situation has developed... I have an older brother (I am 25, my brother is 35 years old). My first memories of his manifestation of aggression are that he fought with his middle brother (he is now 33), but at that time I was still very young and it seemed to me that it brought him pleasure - to hurt his own brother. When I was about six years old, I remember how my brother hit my mother for the first time, he was chasing her to hit her, and was talking some kind of nonsense. At that time he played and sang at weddings, and naturally tried alcohol for the first time. When I was at school, I heard quarrels between my parents and my drunken brother, I was sent to another room and locked in just in case, you never know... And this “you never know” happened from time to time, my brother got into a fight with his sick father and mother... By the way - parents never! they didn’t fight, they quarreled occasionally, like all normal people, but dad or mom never allowed themselves too much.
Over the years, everything became even worse... My brother allowed me to give up on my mother, father, brother, wife... My father became weaker over the years, his illness affected him very much, but this did not stop his brother. Thanks to one of these blows, the middle brother developed a hemotoma in the abdominal cavity, which grew into a tumor, and he almost died. I know of an incident where he almost drowned his wife in the bathtub. Their child is sick with a brain tumor.
I can, of course, tell many more cases, but... He often drinks with friends, for them he is the life of the party, always cheerful, can make anyone laugh. At the same time, one cannot call him an alcoholic, since he conscientiously runs his own business and works hard. In a drunken state, it can start halfway, just look at it the wrong way. He only shows aggression towards his own people!!! When you try to talk to him about what happened, he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, because he doesn’t feel guilty at all. And often he doesn’t remember what he did at all, or simply pretends... He never asks for forgiveness for what he did. When you try to talk about the fact that he seriously offended his mother or did something else, he immediately breaks into a scream and screams to the last. He believes that he does everything, almost feeds and clothes everyone. Everything around is d... mo, and he is the “navel of the earth.” And all this comes out in a very loud monologue; if you try to object to him, you will hear the scream even louder.
I’ve been living in the capital for 7 years now and I don’t depend on anyone... My father recently died, my brother’s wife is pregnant with their second child, my mother lives in our parents’ house with my middle brother... But! I can’t live in peace, because I know that my older brother is tyrannizing everyone there! And he absolutely does not admit that he has problems with alcohol, and even more so with nerves or the psyche... And he does not admit it. I am very afraid for the health and emotional state of my loved ones, as he does not allow them to live in peace. But I can’t imagine how to deal with this problem, since my brother refuses the help of specialists... Please advise me, because I’m in despair!

Hello, Anastasia. According to the description, your older brother is very close to a representative of the excitable type of character accentuation. Which is characterized by instinctiveness and what the mind suggests is not taken into account by such a person, and the desire to satisfy momentary desires, needs, instinctive impulses becomes decisive.
Knowing this, we can recommend to you and all your loved ones not to criticize him, not to touch his personality in conversations, not to discuss his actions, not to remind him of past mistakes. Since all efforts will be useless, and it will be quite easy to run into his high impulsiveness and irritability. If necessary, such people simply need to be tolerated, but generally in society communication with such people is avoided if they show their temper and do not restrain themselves.

Problem with mother. He constantly rushes at me, swears for no reason, threatens me with physical harm, and has even gone as far as assault. She starts yelling wildly out of nowhere, doesn’t want to listen to anyone, everyone is to blame for her, etc. Always judging those around me, literally looking for something to cling to and pouring it all out on me. He doesn’t make any contact when talking, he sees only one thing in everything: “you’re trying to contradict me, #@*#@???” and starts even more. There are moments of calm when he even tries to improve relations, but it all ends in reproaches and using everything he learns against me. These reproaches and scandals hit where it hurts. If suddenly a scandal begins because of some lost thing, then it doesn’t matter whether I’m to blame for it or not, I never apologize for empty attacks. What to do?? How to find an approach?? How to calm a hysterical person?

Hello, Alina. It is recommended to eliminate attacks of anger by switching attention to something pleasant or distracting for the aggressor and, of course, not to provoke him, since the breakdown of negative emotions on the immediate environment is akin to a drug and they give the aggressor great pleasure.

Hello. Here's the problem I have. I’m 23. My father left early, although he fully participated in my brother’s and my upbringing, our childhood was difficult, it wasn’t easy for my mother to pull us along, and subsequently there was no love for the rest of the world, something like a child’s complex. I am extremely hot-tempered, an absolutely happy mood easily changes to an extremely hostile state, but I have never shown aggression towards strangers, only in case of protecting myself or my family. I work a lot, and this is associated with constant physical and moral stress, which is why I always lashed out at those around me (family, girlfriend, close friends). But recently everything has changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, don’t get excited somewhere, I quickly calm down. BUT! As soon as I hear something addressed to me from a stranger, not necessarily an insult, any provocation, I suddenly have a feeling of HUGE hatred, it’s like adrenaline or a state before fainting, I can’t calm down until... but here it ends in different ways, but in most cases until my “enemy” is on the floor. And I understand later that I didn’t seem to hear anything particularly offensive addressed to me, but at that moment it felt like he was threatening me with death, and I couldn’t help but defend myself. Later I will realize and understand everything, but the feeling that I did everything right will not leave me, I cannot convince myself of this and no one can. By the way, now something else has appeared, in terms of intimacy, now the preference is more towards, well, let’s say not exactly, but a little towards rough intimacy, well, of course, not in relation to me, I have become a little rougher. No, my girlfriend likes it, of course, but I just noticed this in myself. And I’m writing all this only because for the first time I felt scared, not of consequences, not of responsibility, no, I became scared of myself, that I couldn’t control myself at the moment of aggression, I couldn’t calm down. Thank you for your help.

Hello, Alexander. Most likely, you are characterized by an excitable type of character accentuation (an extreme version of the norm), which is expressed in weak control and insufficient controllability of your own drives and impulses. Therefore, it is very difficult for you to restrain yourself in a state of emotional excitement and not get irritated. There is no need to be afraid of your condition. Now you know that such a type exists, and you are one of it.
Moral principles do not matter for this type, and in outbursts of anger there is an increase in aggressiveness, which is accompanied by an intensification of corresponding actions. The reactions of excitable individuals are impulsive. What is decisive for the behavior and lifestyle of such a person is not prudence, not the logical weighing of one’s actions, but desires, uncontrollable impulses.
Therefore, we recommend avoiding extreme situations in which conflict is possible or situations where your behavior, business, or personal qualities are criticized.
Your types prefer athletic sports, where they can release pent-up energy or aggression.
“But recently things have changed a lot. Now there is no aggression towards close people, I don’t lose my temper, I try to be softer, not to get into trouble” - Gradually, with age, you will become softer. Of course, this will depend directly on your immediate environment, your social circle. A personality of your type often carefully chooses his social circle, surrounding himself with weaker ones in order to lead them.
Try to get plenty of rest, don't overwork yourself, and avoid starting difficult tasks when you're in a bad mood or tired, as behavior problems may occur in such situations. Do not place high hopes and expectations on society. The world is not ideal and it cannot be changed. People tend not to “filter” their words, which mean a lot in life.
Meditation, auto-training, yoga can help you find peace of mind and be more stress-resistant.

Hello. I have an atypical situation, I am dating a girl, she is 19 years old. We’ve been dating for about 2 years, she has a very difficult relationship with her mother and grandmother, she doesn’t have a father, she always had quarrels with her mother, she just had crazy hysterics, it even got to the point of assault, about a year ago she moved in with me. At the beginning of the relationship, when there were disagreements or even minor quarrels, she became uncontrollable, a stream of aggression, swearing, insults and humiliation addressed to me, although I myself never even called her a fool, let alone swearing. Always in a conflict I tried to calm down and find out the reason for this behavior, she always says that she cannot control herself, that after she does not express everything to me, only then she calms down, and it does not necessarily have to be our quarrel. She quarrels with her mother and takes her anger out on me, responds rudely and swears. After my threats to break off the relationship, she calmed down more or less, but still during quarrels a stream of obscenities, insults, etc. emanates from her. The last time in the shopping center, where she and I and my friend were, she started screaming across the entire floor at me because I didn’t wait for her and followed me and screamed all the way to the exit. Everyone turned to look at us, and she didn’t react in any way to my friend’s and my requests not to shout and to calm down. Another type of behavior is to run away from me through the streets, even in unfamiliar cities, where she can get lost. Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up. I was very tired of this and began to show defensive aggression towards her myself, began to respond to her scream with a scream, damaged furniture from aggression, and after I showed aggression, she quickly calmed down and was the first to make peace and ask for forgiveness.. Tell me if changes for the better are possible or should you think about breaking up?

Hello, Ruslan. You need to stop the girl’s manipulation, because as soon as she realized that you were capable of counter-aggression, she got scared and changed her behavior pattern.
Tell her directly that you understand the complexity of the situation regarding her loved ones and communication with them, but you will not allow you to be treated this way. Either she changes internally, learns self-control, signs up for yoga, goes to see a psychologist, independently studies her problem, or you will be forced to end such a relationship.
“Even during quarrels, he sometimes threatens to kill himself, especially when I talk about breaking up.” “This is a skillful game of a neurotic manipulative, allowing him to achieve his goals. And you need to keep the priority of your interests in mind.
Calmly ask her the question: what will you gain from it if you kill yourself? Who will benefit from this? Let her understand that you are not familiar with remorse and that your relationship with her has strengthened you internally, so you will not grieve for a long time, but will quickly find a replacement for her. Therefore, it may make sense for her to change, stop blackmailing you and start respecting you as a person.
- Thank you very much for your answer, now the problem and the seriousness of the situation have become clearer to me, because I repeatedly told her about restraining myself, about a psychologist, about internal changes, she seemed to be trying to control herself at first, but after a while everything started again again , and if quarrels with hysterics already occur less frequently, but they are becoming more and more difficult, and to any of my arguments about her unreasonable aggression, that the conflict can be calmly resolved, she replies that I am so bad and brought her to such a state.. she tells me it seems she just doesn’t want to change and really sees that I’m succumbing to her manipulations, I’ll try to send her or go with her to a psychologist or psychotherapist, if there are no results, then apparently I’ll have to break off the relationship
  
  Again I turn to you, I tried to behave as you advised, when asked to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, she laughs and says that she is not a psychopath, and an attempt to stop her manipulations, in particular ignoring her, led to her going out onto the 12th floor balcony and I blackmailed her that she would dump her, she is unbalanced, when I break up with her I am afraid that I might actually commit suicide, what can be done either in terms of referring her to a psychologist or in terms of a safe separation?
  - Either you can help her decide to seek help (exactly how to do this - you should know better, since you have been living with her for two years), or you will suffer from her inappropriate behavior all the time you spend together... Without face-to-face help She definitely won’t need a specialist. There is simply nothing to add to what was written earlier without seeing the patient.
    
    You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them) and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.
    
    You need to break up with her while there are no children. My daughter is almost the same and doesn’t want to change. If earlier she asked for forgiveness for, so to speak, bad behavior, then over the years she began to believe that everyone in the family was to blame. Ruslan, you can’t change her in any way, don’t waste time on her, life will be poisoned with such a girl. There should be peace and order in the house, love and minor quarrels (you can’t live without them), and most importantly, find a girl so that you are drawn to her and so that you are not ashamed of her behavior.

My husband and I have been together for 2 years. For the first six months, I was happy that a loving, attentive, affectionate man was with me, carried me in his arms, and blew away specks of dust. There were, of course, quarrels, but minor ones. The only thing that always amazed me was that during the conflict he could say such words to me that it’s difficult to even describe. But she didn’t pay much attention to it. The first time he laid his hand on me was after drinking enough alcohol. It was unbearable. I was in a closed room for 3 hours, he beat me, then he took a knife and cut my dress on me, broke a bottle on my head, after which I was already unconscious. I woke up on the balcony in a pool of blood. Seeing that I had regained consciousness, he literally ordered me to wash myself and lie down to sleep next to him. I started to get hysterical, he started beating me again. At some point, the neighbors started breaking down the door and I managed to escape, wrapped in a blanket, and left. I don’t know how, but I forgave him after a couple of months. And everything repeated itself, only the next time he tortured me for several days until the police intervened. But with our laws, there will be real punishment only when he kills. I can only say one thing, all this continues over and over again. I turned into a dog and I know that I will forgive him again. I know it's my fault, but maybe there is a way to cure it. I'm afraid that he will kill me soon. Tell me what can be done!!?

Taisiya, you and only you can make yourself happy. Only you can change your life. You are now a victim, you need to urgently contact a specialist if you yourself are not capable. And my advice is to RUN AWAY from this asshole!!! As soon as possible! I hope you don't have children. Go to your mother, to your friend, there are centers for women who find themselves in difficult situations, or even to the train station! He will always beat you because you endured it! You cannot fight back, leave, run away. But I’m sure you can do it if you want it yourself. Change your life once and for all. And finally stop being a victim. Good luck to you!

How to cope with the aggression of a 9-year-old child with epilepsy. The girl doesn’t want to do her homework, she starts throwing everything, screaming, and may hit her mother. There is no way to deal with it, just trouble. What should we do, please help.

Hello, Nadezhda. In your case with your daughter, we recommend that you consult a child psychologist. After talking with both you and the girl, the specialist will be able to establish the reasons for aggressive behavior and tell you how to more effectively achieve the desire to learn.
- Thanks, we think we can try it too. Only I'm a grandmother. My daughter is already exhausted with her. The granddaughter takes Depakine, there are no attacks, and her character has become aggressive during the treatment. And when will this all get better?

My husband and I lived together for 5 years. We are 25 years apart. I am now 39, he is 64. Signs of aggression began to appear after the first 3 months. It seemed to me that it was my fault, I tried to talk, understand the reason and not do it again. Sometimes this was expressed in a furious scream (very, very strong, impossible to convey), sometimes in silence from 2 days to 10-15. As a result, I was always the first to make peace. Over the course of 5 years, similar situations occurred once a month. (on average) The husband never once considered himself guilty the whole time. Moreover, he punished. You don’t know how to behave, I’m going on vacation for the New Year alone. So out of 5 New Year holidays, 2 times I celebrated the New Year at home alone. At the same time, I tried to react differently to his hyper/or or long silence. And I screamed back at first (this turned out to be the most ineffective) and calmly tried to explain how I felt and left for a day or two. Once at the airport we were flying on vacation, I went to the toilet and lingered a little, screaming like mad for about 10 minutes, people began to gather around. I managed to stop only when I said that either you stop or I’m not going. Then on vacation I was silent for 2 weeks. I went separately. The last breakup was because he screamed when I told him what I bought at the grocery store. He yelled that he didn’t want to listen to this, the topic was closed. I tried to justify myself, causing him to go into rage. In the end, I said that I couldn’t listen to this anymore. And she left. He said, well, I went to... A month later he called and brought me my things from his dacha. And he said that if you apologize, I will forgive you. I came back 1 day later and apologized. And he said, you have a scandal on your tongue all the time, you can’t stop in time as always, I signaled to you to stop, but you don’t hear what they are saying to you. In general, I go on vacation alone in the summer, but the second autumn vacation is still in question. And we also had tickets to the theater, he said that he wasn’t going to go there alone, he didn’t go alone, and so on. since I may not have time at all. I couldn't stand it and left forever. 3 days have passed. It’s hard, I’m in a lot of pain. I’m trying to calm myself down, maybe he’s not normal?

Hello Irina. It is clear that your husband has an unstable psyche and is dependent on periodic manifestations of aggression. It doesn’t matter whether it’s you or another wife, he will behave the same way.
You did everything right by leaving, I don’t understand why you are suffering? In a relationship, he is the tyrant, and you are the victim, and this will always be the case.
- I suffer because I know that I myself am responsible for everything that happens to me. So I’m trying to understand whether EVERYTHING was done on my part. And also, I love him very much, every finger, every hair... But I understand that I will soon become disabled if I stay. It’s better to “die” once than to do it endlessly. When he quarreled with me, it was like being thrown into hell: “you stop breathing and feeling.”
  
  I printed out your answer, I’m re-reading it, it becomes a little easier.
  THANK YOU.

My sister and I have a mother born in 1927. She almost lost her memory. She doesn’t recognize some of her loved ones, doesn’t understand where she lives, can’t understand that her husband (our father) died and plus illnesses. My sister takes care of my mother. After the death of her father, her sister does not leave her mother. She quit her job and sleeps with her mother in the same room. She is a doctor, a nurse and a nanny for parents. Look for such daughters. And even before her illness, her mother doted on her. But now everything has turned into a continuous nightmare. It was as if a demon had possessed the mother. She does everything in defiance, picks on food, doesn’t want to take medications, calls her sister names we’ve never heard from her, has already tried to hit her several times and has bitten her twice. My sister also has health problems. WHAT TO DO? How to reduce mom's aggressiveness. You have to hide your knives, but you can’t foresee everything.

Hello, Yuri. In your case with your mother, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.

The reasons for aggressive behavior can be troubles at work, financial difficulties or everyday life. In men, this may be a consequence of prolonged sexual abstinence or jealousy. Such behavior is always unpleasant both to others and to the aggressor himself. Unlike clinical villains, who enjoy the outburst of negativity on others, healthy people, after bouts of rage, experience remorse and try to make amends.

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Outbursts of anger that threaten the physical health of others are a symptom of a serious mental disorder that requires special treatment. Male aggression is especially destructive.

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Types of aggression

The famous psychologist Erich Fromm identified two main types of aggression: benign - the purpose of which is to protect one’s own interests and malignant - an acquired model of behavior associated with humiliation, exerting psychological pressure or even physical violence against others in order to increase one’s authority. Today, psychologists divide aggression into the following types:

1. Active. It is observed in people with destructive behavior, which is characterized by the predominance of physical methods of violence: swearing, screaming, constant dissatisfaction, intonation, facial expressions and gestures.
2. Passive. It is more common in families with difficult relationships, when spouses ignore any requests from each other without entering into conflicts. This is typical for both women and men. Over time, negative emotions accumulate and one day spill out. The danger of passive aggression is that it becomes the cause of serious crimes against loved ones.
3. Auto aggression. This condition is associated with negative energy directed inward. A person susceptible to auto-aggression causes physical harm (even serious harm) to himself during attacks.
4. Drug and alcohol. Occurs in a state of alcohol or drug intoxication due to the death of nerve cells. A person loses the ability to correctly perceive the world around him, surrendering to primitive instincts.
5. Family. It consists of moral or physical pressure from one partner towards the other. Typically, the cause of such aggression is sexual dissatisfaction, jealousy, financial issues and lack of mutual understanding. In the animal world, males show precisely this type of aggression: whoever growls loudest owns the territory. This behavior (usually in men) destroys the mental health of relatives who are forced to be close to the aggressor. The extreme form of this type of aggression is a transition from threats and abuse to physical violence.
6. Instrumental. Serves as a tool to obtain the desired result. For example, a person has the goal of boarding a shuttle bus, but there are no empty seats. He uses aggression towards one of the passengers so that he gives up his seat.
7. Targeted or motivated. Pre-planned actions against a specific person. This could be revenge for betrayal, a desire to humiliate someone. Targeted aggression is usually shown by people who were raised in a dysfunctional family and did not know the care of their relatives.

The most common types of aggression are alcoholic and family. In such cases, people often ignore the help of psychologists and if the attacks do not affect others, relatives try to keep it secret. For this reason, such situations have become the norm in society, especially with regard to male aggression.

Causes

Uncontrolled aggression can manifest itself for certain psychological reasons or be a sign of the development of a serious pathology:

1. Constant overwork and stress. Due to the overly active rhythm of modern life, people are constantly sleep deprived and tired. This leads to increased irritability and short temper. Usually a person is not aware of such emotions, and when accumulated negativity is expressed in attacks of aggression, he does not understand the reasons for such a reaction.
2. Hyperthyroidism- hormonal disorders, malfunction of the thyroid gland. This syndrome occurs more often in women. A person can feel hungry but still be underweight. A large amount of food consumed does not affect your figure in any way. Symptoms of the pathology are: increased nervousness, excessive activity, redness of the skin and increased sweating.
3. Excess weight. Excess fat promotes the production of estrogen in the body, which has a negative effect on the psyche. To prevent this from happening, it is enough to get rid of excess weight.
4. Tumors and injuries. Increased excitability is often associated with damage to the cerebral cortex. At the same time, aggression and excessive activity are replaced by apathy. All of these symptoms indicate serious injury or the development of a malignant neoplasm.
5. Personality disorders. Many people suffering from schizophrenia live normal lives and do not pose any danger to society. During periods of exacerbation, they experience an increase in aggressiveness, which requires special treatment.
6. Neurological diseases. Uncontrolled attacks of aggression can be a sign of serious pathologies and often lead to the development of Alzheimer's disease. The patient gradually loses the meaning of life and withdraws into himself. Signs of pathology are increased aggressiveness and partial memory loss.
7. Sociopathy, stress disorders and alcoholism. The first includes a character anomaly, when the patient does not need to communicate and is even afraid of it. This is a congenital pathology associated with underdevelopment of the nervous system. Stress disorders lead to hostility, especially when the person is regularly in the middle of problems. Uncontrollable outbursts of aggression are a symptom of alcoholism.

Features of aggression in men

In addition to the reasons listed, uncontrollable outbursts of aggression are characteristic of male psychopaths. They are distinguished by pronounced emotionality, lack of discipline and restraint. Typically, such people have an alcohol addiction and a tendency to aggression and conflict. In relation to their partners, psychopaths often show excessive care and helpfulness: they look after beautifully and smile. All this is disingenuous. With this disease, a man is able to pretend and deceive a woman for a long time, after which, in a fit, he can humiliate, insult and abandon her.

A huge proportion of aggressive outbursts in men are due to hormonal imbalances. Human emotions largely depend on the ratio of important hormones, the lack of which leads not only to aggression, but also to serious depression or severe psychiatric pathologies. The hormone testosterone is responsible for sexual desire and aggression. That's why very rude and angry men are called "testosterone males." A lack of serotonin contributes to the development of constant dissatisfaction.

Sudden irritability in men may be a sign of a midlife crisis. The maximalism characteristic of young men passes, and a person begins to carefully weigh all his decisions. He doubts almost everything: his career, his spouse, his friends. Such soul-searching, coupled with a sense of missed opportunities, destroys nerve cells and makes a man less tolerant and sociable. He thinks there is still time to completely change his life at once. It seems that no one understands this and such ill-wishers can be put in their place by force. This condition passes after a certain time. It is important to understand that periods of depression are normal and not a reason to ruin your life.

The next peak of the age crisis is retirement. Men endure this period much more difficultly than women. It seems that life has stopped, and those around you have ceased to respect you immediately after retirement.

Among women

Women's aggression is not always self-defense. Psychologists believe that one of the important reasons is weak character, lack of understanding of others and the inability to adapt to life’s troubles. Constant problems and lack of help in solving them result in emotional breakdowns. Aggressive energy directed in the right direction allows a woman not only to overcome difficulties, but also to avoid threats. Experts believe that short bouts of aggression can activate vital energy.

The modern rhythm of life, troubles in school or relationships with a guy become the cause of aggression in girls and women. They justify their behavior with money problems or lack of love and attention. As a result, they take it out on their partner and children. Physical violence is a rare occurrence among the fairer sex, but they can deliberately ruin things or break dishes.

Uncontrollable outbursts of aggression are often associated with postpartum depression. The birth of a baby and caring for him places a great burden on a woman’s shoulders. During this period, hormonal changes occur in the body, the mother becomes more sensitive and often cannot cope with her emotions. After childbirth, your whole life is turned upside down: your favorite job is a thing of the past, an incredible amount of household chores appears, and there is neither time nor energy for hobbies. All this drives a woman into despair, she becomes nervous and takes out all the negativity not only on her loved ones, but also on her child.

To alleviate the condition and prevent attacks of anger, it is necessary to divide responsibilities among all family members.

In children and adolescents

Unmotivated attacks of aggression in a child can occur as a result of improper upbringing. Excessive care or lack thereof is deposited in the child’s mind. It is difficult to correct this, since children perceive such an attitude very acutely. In boys, the peak of aggressiveness occurs at 13-14 years old, in girls - at 11-12. The child becomes angry after not receiving the desired result or for no reason at all. All teenagers are sure that no one understands them.

The result is constant irritability and isolation. In such cases, parents should not put pressure on the child, but letting everything take its course is also dangerous.

Psychologists identify the following reasons that cause childhood aggression:

lack of emotional connection with loved ones;
aggressive behavior of one of the parents;
disrespect for the child;
hostile or indifferent attitude;
lack of freedom;
impossibility of self-realization.

Thus, parents themselves can provoke aggression in a child. It is important to remember that the lack of proper upbringing is the main reason for the development of a pathological condition, which can lead to the need for treatment.

Treatment

It’s good if a person is afraid of his rage, fears irreparable consequences, soberly assesses the situation and seeks help from specialists. Finding the cause of aggressive behavior and treating it is the job of a psychiatrist.

The specialist checks for the presence or absence of influence on the psyche of factors such as past traumas, hormonal imbalances, and lack of routine. After this, if there are no problems that need to be treated with medications, the patient is referred to a psychologist.

The psychologist will recommend changing the pace of life: rest more, take a vacation. It is very important to stop aggression by switching to another activity: a hobby or sport, to give vent to negativity with the help of moderate physical activity. This state can be sublimated into other emotions, but only in the absence of danger to others.

In cases of severe pathology, the psychologist prescribes sedatives. Tranquilizers and antidepressants are recommended only in exceptional situations. Drug therapy at home is carried out under the supervision of a therapist. The most effective methods of treating outbursts of aggression: water procedures, physical therapy, massage.

Long-term anger control

Psychologists advise:

1. Transfer a number of responsibilities to subordinates and other family members. With hard work and a lot of household chores, you need to reduce the list of daily tasks and leave time for proper rest.
2. Avoid stressful situations. You need to try to determine for yourself the most common cause of irritability. If you don’t like riding on an overloaded bus, taking a taxi or walking. If this is forced communication with an unpleasant colleague, find another job, even with a lower salary. This will help maintain your health, because the consequences of stress often become problems with the heart and other vital organs.
3. Sleep at least 7–8 hours a day. Most people don't feel good after 5 hours of sleep. Coffee and energy drinks will not help here, since the body does not recover completely during this time. As a result, accumulated fatigue is expressed in attacks of anger and the development of various diseases.
4. At the first sign of irritation, drink herbal tea: with mint, lemon balm, or use natural-based sedatives.
5. Learn to fight aggression peacefully: beat a pillow, do push-ups, break an unnecessary plate. The main thing is not to harm anyone.
6. Contact with water. You can wash the dishes, take a bath.
7. Learn some relaxation exercises from visualization, meditation or breathing exercises.
8. Go to the football and emotionally cheer for your favorite team.
9. Workout. Some people are suitable for active exercises (dancing, running), others - gymnastics or yoga. You need to be careful about wrestling: some types help get rid of negative emotions, others only perpetuate physical aggression.

You need to learn how to correctly and constructively conflict with others - this will allow you to resolve the situation and avoid a scandal.

How to quickly deal with anger

To master self-control, you need to study special phrases selected by psychologists. They should be carefully repeated several times to yourself at the first appearance of anger:

if you don’t break down, you can emerge victorious from any situation;
everyone achieves their own goal, so there is no right or wrong;
I am not interested in the opinions of others, only I know the whole truth about myself;
there is no need to discuss, scold or show your disdain for anyone;
use only neutral expressions in your vocabulary, avoiding sarcasm and aggression in them;
always speak calmly, using a minimum of emotions;
my aggression is a signal that it’s time to calm down;
Even with anger, it is impossible to achieve the goal, so you should be calm and take care of your health.

Psychologists advise not to keep accumulated negativity within yourself to reduce the risk of developing serious complications relating to both mental and physical health. Scientists have found that any negativity will sooner or later come out, which can be dangerous for others. Therefore, if a person is not able to independently control feelings of anger and aggression, it is worth contacting a psychologist.