Optimal age for marriage. Reviews from women about the best age to get married I want to get married at 18

Love, security, age - these are, perhaps, the three fundamental areas for marriage. But if everything is clear with love - it either exists or it doesn’t, and with security it is also more or less clear - no one has abolished marriages of convenience, then with the issue of age, not everything is so simple.

No one will ever give an accurate and unambiguous answer to questions like “At what age is it best to get married” and “What should be the age of spouses for a happy marriage.” Each couple has its own answer to these questions, and only stubborn statistics say that girls prefer to get married at 20-25 years old, and usually choose guys who are at least 3-6 years older than them as husbands.

In our survey (on the main page of the portal), the public has a clear opinion: the best age for a bride is 20-25 years. In second place is the age of 25-30 years. Young girls under the age of 20 take an honorable third place in our “bride age hit parade”.

Marriage age has long been associated with youth and physical maturity, health. According to the law, in Ukraine, boys can marry from the age of 18, girls - from 17. However, there is an exception in the Law: in the presence of special circumstances, marriage can be concluded at an earlier age. Usually such a “circumstance” is an “unexpected” pregnancy of the bride.

But if we ignore any “force majeure” circumstances for too early a marriage, we can distinguish several types of family, depending on the age of those entering the barque and the age difference between the spouses.

Early marriage. Of course, such an important issue as marriage must be approached carefully and thoroughly. After all, after the wedding, you bind yourself to your chosen one or chosen one for life. And society quite rightly believes that mature people are capable of making such decisions. Therefore, marriage of people aged 18-20, sometimes even 23, is often perceived as something premature and frivolous. According to statistics, early marriages are the most vulnerable. But, on the other hand, at an early age, feelings and emotions are extremely strong. Love at this age is characterized by ardor and recklessness, and youthful maximalism sweeps away all obstacles on the way to a loved one. And there are a lot of couples who have proven that they are able to live happily and prosperously all their lives together, from adolescence to old age. But still, if you are “in the mood” to get married at 18, we advise you to think it over carefully. And preferably without emotions. Remember that early marriages tend to break up in the first year.

Marriage of the “golden age”. The age from about 23 to 26-28 years is considered almost the most suitable for marriage. It should be noted that girls mature earlier than boys, but by the age of 25, the difference in physical and, importantly, psychological terms between peers of both sexes practically disappears. This age is the period of human flourishing. The most favorable for childbirth. For men, this is the time of best physical shape and endurance. By the age of 23-25, young people, as a rule, finish their studies and begin a professional career. They have already decided in life and can independently provide for their family. Youthful maximalism gives way to an adult outlook on life.

Late marriage. At the age of “about 30 or 30-something,” a wedding is already a conscious, a hundred times weighed decision. Often, at this age, people are not getting married for the first time, and they understand perfectly well what surprises life “after the altar” has in store for them.

Very late marriage. Perhaps it is to our grandparents that we owe the catchphrase “All ages are submissive to love.” Such marriages are concluded at 50, 60, 70 and even 80 or more years old! And although at this age love for partners means more support and care for each other, and not a fire in which all worldly hardships burn out, the feelings can be so strong that one can envy the young.

Marriage between peers. Usually girls marry peers, unable to resist long-term courtship. Such a marriage, as a rule, is the result of a long, kindergarten, school or college love. Relationships develop over a long period of time, and a wedding between peers, oddly enough, turns out to be a completely mature and deliberate decision.

The man is older than the woman. It is believed that a man should be a little, 3-4 years, older than his wife. Growing up earlier, girls mature and age earlier than their husbands. And a small age difference compensates for the consequences of these processes.

The man is much older than the woman. Young girls are attracted to mature men primarily by their “maturity.” They are confident that such a man will take care of them, shower them with attention and affection, they strive to be in a marriage “like behind a stone wall,” and they see the back of a mature, adult husband as such a wall. It must be said that most often these dreams come true. True, it is impossible to answer the question of what age difference would be reasonable. Girls are happy to marry men who are 10, 20 and even 30 years older than them. And, I must say, many such brides feel great in the status of wives.

The woman is older than the man. If the difference is small, within 5 years, such a marriage is practically no different from a marriage between peers or a marriage where the man is slightly older than the wife. But today marriages are increasingly being registered where the woman is much older than the man, at least 10 years old. In society, such women are considered “masters of intimate relationships”; in the eyes of others they look like real lionesses. Well, rumors tend to attribute the status of “son” to men in such marriages. Although in reality this is not always the case. The young spouse in such a marriage is, as a rule, a strong guy, but somewhat immature psychologically. He is touchy, vulnerable, unbalanced. He has very few friends. Most often, it is the wife who acts as her husband’s main friend and adviser; she helps him find a place in life. And although, according to statistics, such marriages do not last long, 5-8 years, the young husband associates success in life with his ex-wife. And often such “exes” remain faithful and best friends for their, also former, wives.

To summarize, I would like to point out one thing. Despite the fact that the issue of age for marriage is quite serious, you should not set the goal of building a relationship precisely within the framework of the ideal, from your point of view, option. People can be so different that the criterion of age objectively, in fact, gives only relative characteristics. In any relationship, everywhere and always, you need to listen to two main advisers. And this is not mom and girlfriend, not dad and not uncle - not at all! This is your heart and your head. And these comrades, according to Felix Edmundovich, are radically different - a warm heart, a cold head. Therefore, their solutions will have an optimal temperature.

Inna, 25 years old,

Orenburg.

User comments:

Olesya, 18

Hello! I am 18 years old, I got married this summer. and now I’m sitting and crying because I can’t figure out what happened to us, I don’t really want to describe the essence of the whole problem now, because... My head is already spinning, but I can’t understand whether I love him the same way as before marriage, whether I still want to live with him all my life. I'm so confused... We've also been having trouble in bed lately. It is clear that here we can only advise a divorce, while she is still young everything will quickly fall into place, but I don’t know if I want to get a divorce.. He is a very good person, and as a man he tries to behave with dignity, it seems to me that he is not like that at all a lot of. It is clear that it is much easier to destroy than to build, but still... we tried to figure out the problem and how to solve something, but to no avail. It seems to me that I’m still so small, one might say, and these problems are already just eating me away from the inside..

not an angel, 18

“My mother got married “on the fly” at 18. She didn’t love me as a child, she screamed constantly, probably couldn’t forgive her sadly wasted youth. Now I’ve moved out of her and I’m very happy. I have a good job, I rent an apartment in the center ", I save about half of my salary, but when my mother asks me to help financially, I say that there is no money. Her husband left her, and now she is alone."

***
“I got married at 17. At 19 I gave birth to a daughter, and at 20 I got divorced. In general, early marriage does not lead to good things in most cases, although there are exceptions.”

“I didn’t get married at 18, but gave birth at 19. We are still together (now I’m 42), but I think that I was in a hurry with marriage and with the child. But the point here, rather, is not that in principle early, but the fact that at 18 I didn’t really think about what I wanted from my husband and from marriage in general, I married the wrong person for me and got stuck... that’s bad.”

“I’m 35 years old, I could have gotten married at 18, but in the end I got married at 27. And I still understand that it’s too early for me. Recently I stood and looked at the guys who were jumping into the water and fooling around. And the realization came to me that give me the opportunity - and I’ll run to jump with them myself. I don’t know, getting married at 18 is generally wildly early. It’s ruining your youth. And at 25 it’s too early... You should enjoy the fact that while you’re young, go for walks, fall in love , go on dates, read romance novels, dream at night... And family is always life and routine. Even in the most beautiful family. Children, diapers, pots, ironing, washing... Family is a very big job, which always, absolutely always rests on a woman’s shoulders.”

"Marriage is, first of all, a job. There are very few happy marriages. There are much fewer of them than you think. Because now there is a different generation of men and women than there was 50 years ago. Different values. Then there was the value of family, now they have us the value of freedom.
And don’t think that everyone who says: “I’m happy in my marriage” is writing the complete truth. It’s just that many people put a good face on a bad state of affairs. I myself am very good at doing this. My first relationship was generally ideal for others, all my closest friends and relatives thought that we were the perfect couple, and everyone was extremely shocked when we broke up. Because neither I nor he washed their dirty linen in public. Because we both know how to pretend that everything is fine with us.

Yes, a husband is maybe happiness... I don’t know. For me, family is work, daily and hard. Because both of them relax in the relationship because... yes, there are many different “becauses”. That's why we have a lot of divorces now.

I am writing this from the height of my 35 years, maybe in 10 years I will reconsider my views. And outwardly I’m not some blurry *****, outwardly they don’t give me more than 28 years old either. I'm not a grouch, not a pessimist. But for some time now I have become interested in analyzing the behavior of people around me. And what for me, like for you, was “happiness” 5 years ago, now I look at with great cynicism, so to speak.”

“What is the difference: at 18 or 25? I entered into a relationship with my husband at 17 years old, married him at 21. We wanted to earlier, but there were squabbles between families. I don’t regret it, I’ve been married for 22 years. Two children are already adults "Nowadays they look at early marriages as some kind of monstrosity. If you haven't had enough of your time, haven't quenched your thirst for freedom, your hair will stand on end. You can also have fun in marriage, it's not hard labor! My husband and I went through all the stages of family life: we quarreled, and we separated, and found fault with each other, didn't even communicate for a month, living in the same apartment, but now everything is fine. And - pah-pah-pah - so that it stays like this until the end. And you, dear ladies, I sincerely wish the same. Get married at any age - correct (not at 13 years old, of course). The main thing is to weigh everything that awaits you. Division of responsibilities, shared budget, children, work. If nothing scares you, then boldly step forward."

“I got out at 19. Not by chance. Happy marriage. At 21 I gave birth to a daughter. At 23 I gave birth to a son. Everyone is happy.
My friends also got married before they were 20. They all have happy, strong families. Two children each. And those who haven’t left before 24 can no longer leave. Guys look at younger people or divorced people with children."

“This can be compared to buying a bicycle. When you bought it five years ago - oh, it’s so brand new, it goes fast, what a blessing it is! And after five years, when you’ve learned to understand a little, you realize that the manufacturer and wheel diameter could have made more , and the steering wheel is more comfortable. But that model seems to be more convenient, but it’s not worth that much money. Therefore, we will take it more calmly, and the euphoria from owning a bicycle will dull, because you look at it all from the position of a knowledgeable person."

“I got married right after school out of great love. We lived separately from my parents, there was no stressful “everyday life”, we lived in a student dormitory. And when I was 28 years old, my boss practically took me away. And now I am wealthy, I devote a lot of time to "The housekeeper, the gardener and the nanny take care of the household chores, and sometimes I sadly remember my 18 years and my great love."

"I started living with my future husband at 18, got married a couple of years later. 10 years of marriage, the flight is normal. The love is stronger than at the beginning, the relationship is fabulous. I’m happy that I met my man at such a young age, and didn’t jump until I was thirty to the men. For those who cackle about the dull “everyday life” and “what about entertainment,” I can reveal a “terrible” secret: both entertainment and “everyday life” can be perfectly shared with your spouse, it’s very fun. We did whatever we did: and went to clubs, and mastered the preparation of exotic dishes, and rode snowboards, and launched radio-controlled planes, and did repairs, and had romantic dates... And if you rewind, I would never trade these wonderful years for some mythical "Walking", empty girls' parties and the courtship of guys, half of which are indifferent to me at best."

The Family Code of the Russian Federation sets the marriageable age at 18 years as a general rule. However, this does not mean that you cannot get married earlier.

Paragraph 2 of Article 13 of the RF IC reads:

For good reasons, guardianship and trusteeship authorities have the right to allow starting a family from the age of 16.

Is it possible to get married before the age of 16?

In some regions you can get married before the age of 16:

• from 15 years old - Ryazan, Murmansk, Tver, Chelyabinsk regions, etc.;
• from 14 years old - Moscow, Tyumen, Samara, Vologda, Vladimir regions, etc.;
• without establishing a minimum age threshold - the Republic of Tatarstan.

Important! Despite the fact that the Family Code of the Republic of Tatarstan does not say anything about the minimum age for marriage, it is impossible to get married before 14 years of age. This is due to the obligation of those getting married to present a passport to the Civil Registry Office, which is not issued before the age of 14.

Reasons for getting married before 18 years of age

Marriage before the age of 18 is an exception to the rule, and like any exception, it must have good reasons.

The reasons why guardianship authorities may give consent to early marriage include:

• birth of a child;
• difficult life situation of the mother;
• threat to the life of the bride or groom;
• conscription;

These reasons are regulated in detail only in regional legislation and strictly speaking, these norms relate only to early marriages (before 16 years), but by analogy they can be applied to older ages.

Pregnancy

Often the law of the subject establishes a requirement for the gestational age, for example:

• at least 22 weeks of gestation (Murmansk region),
• at least 12 weeks (Vladimir region).

In any case, this condition must be confirmed by a certificate issued by an obstetrician-gynecologist when registering a pregnant woman. In antenatal clinics they usually register after 8 weeks, because Before this period, there is a risk of an ectopic or frozen pregnancy.

Birth of a child

Sometimes regional law stipulates that the child must be shared, but even if such a condition is not contained, it is implied. The legislation of the Murmansk region uses a peculiar formulation - “the actual presence of the child with the mother.”

Difficult life situation

“When a pregnant minor woman, being in difficult financial or other extreme conditions (orphan, single-parent family, dysfunctional family situation, etc.), by getting married, improves living conditions for herself and the unborn child.”

Threat to the life of the bride or groom

The reality of the threat is assessed by the guardianship authorities individually. This category includes:

• the need for a complex operation;
• service in a “hot spot”;
• being close to military operations, etc.

As a rule, the list of possible reasons is open - this allows the guardianship authorities to resolve such an important personal issue with each couple individually.

Conditions for marriage under 18 years of age

Marriage is possible only if the following conditions are met:

• desire and consent of the bride and groom;
• the absence of a valid legal marriage between both of them;
• lack of close blood relationship;
• lack of status as an adoptive parent or adopted child;
• absence of mental disorder.

Important! Marriage under 16 years of age is possible only when neither the groom nor the bride has reached this age threshold. Marital relations between an adult and a child under 16 years of age entail criminal liability.

Is a marriage license required for people under 18 years of age?

If the age is from 16 to 18 years

In this case, parental permission for marriage is not required, but the consent of the guardianship authorities is required.

If under 16 years of age

Rules may vary by region. For example, in the Moscow region, a positive decision of a specially authorized member of the Government is required, which is based on the application of the spouses, their parents or guardians. If the parents do not agree to the wedding, the issue is resolved by the guardianship authorities.

How to register a marriage?

To obtain the coveted stamp in your passport, you need to take the following steps:

• prepare evidence of valid reasons for lowering the marriageable age;
• obtain permission from the guardianship authority at the place of residence or other body, if required by the law of the relevant subject;
• pay a state fee of 350 rubles. in Sberbank;
• submit an application to the Civil Registry Office - in person or through the State Services portal. This can be any Civil Registry Office in Russia, even located in another region. The application must be accompanied by: a passport, evidence of the termination of a previous marriage (if there was one), permission from the guardianship authorities and other authorities, a receipt for payment of the fee;
• when submitting an application, a wedding date is set - usually no earlier than 1 month, but in exceptional cases the deadlines can be reduced down to the day of filing the application;
• on the wedding day you will receive a certificate (one is issued for two).

Important! If one of the future spouses cannot appear in person to submit a joint application, it can be submitted in two separate documents. In this case, one document is drawn up at the Civil Registry Office, and the second at a notary.

Consequences of early marriage by minors

After the official registration ceremony, the newlyweds automatically become fully capable. This means that the law imposes exactly the same requirements on them as on adults. And even if the marriage is suddenly dissolved, full legal capacity remains. In legal language, the acquisition of full legal capacity by a minor is called emancipation.

Important! Emancipation does not apply to the age of conscription for military service and criminal liability.

Minor parents have full equal rights with adults.

Can minors enter into a marriage contract?

A prenuptial agreement is a transaction that can be completed before or after the registration of a marriage. Since minors become emancipated after official registration, they have the right to enter into a marriage contract on a general basis.

But do the bride and groom have the right to sign a marriage contract before the marriage ceremony?

• If the spouses are over 16 years old, they have the right to sign the contract on their own after submitting an application to the Civil Registry Office.
• If the bride and groom are between 14 and 16 years old, then they can complete this transaction only with the written consent of their parents (guardians).

Divorce and invalidation of early marriage

Everyone has the right to divorce, even minors. Since at the time of marriage the minor acquired full legal capacity, divorce is carried out in accordance with the general procedure.

Declaring a marriage void means recognizing it as non-existent. This is how nullity differs from divorce. For example, a subsequent marriage after a divorce will be considered the second, and if the marriage is invalid, the first. The differences between an invalid and a dissolved marriage are summarized in the table.

A special basis for invalidating an early marriage is the lack of permission from the guardianship authority to start a family. In addition, a marriage is invalid:

• between close relatives;
• imprisoned against the will of the spouse;
• concluded without dissolution of the previous marriage union;
• with incapacity due to mental illness;
• between the adoptive parent and the adopted child;
• when one of the spouses deliberately conceals HIV or a sexually transmitted disease.

Important! The rights of parents and children are not affected by the invalidation of a marriage.

Anna Vertinskaya, lawyer, especially for the site

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