How to learn to remain calm in stressful situations. Living without anger: how to maintain composure in any situation

Often you have to face a situation when you cannot restrain yourself, anger and rage come out, often developing into attacks of aggression. Such moments are mentally and physically exhausting, empty hearts, and bring discord to families. How to learn to control your emotions and always remain calm in any situation?

Elephant made of flies

First of all, you need to determine for yourself what is most often the source of irritation, at what moments nervousness occurs. Knowing the enemy by sight, it is easier to deal with him, namely, try to avoid irritants and stress.

Such situations can escalate not only because of a bad character. Oddly enough, people are affected not only by fatigue and stress at work and at home, but also by the weather, the phases of the moon, and the period before women's periods. Most often, such restless moments are caused by fatigue and lack of sleep, which causes a lack of vitamins and minerals in the body, and hormonal imbalance. Then the problem turns into a purely physiological process that is not so easy to control.

You often make mountains out of molehills, beat yourself up, mentally replay the situation and get even more angry and upset. When you notice that only negative thoughts are spinning in your head, you need to pull yourself together, repeating: “It’s okay, I can handle it.”

Try to think about something positive. At such a moment, you can remember a person who knows how to control himself and is an example or authority for you. At the moment of irritability, you need to think and imagine what this person would do in such a situation.

How to stay calm in any situation

If you cannot control the situation, you need to try to control yourself. There are several techniques that help you master yourself in difficult moments.

The most common: in a moment of rage, bite the inside of your cheek, count to ten, take a deep breath and exhale your anger along with the air.

Learn to breathe with your stomach. A couple of minutes of this breathing using the diaphragm helps relieve tension. Inhale through your nose and watch your hand rise on your stomach.

At the moment of tension, you need to tense the muscles of the whole body, and then suddenly relax, imagining that a mountain has fallen from your shoulders.

Yoga techniques, meditation and prayer help you relax and put your thoughts in order. If this is all completely foreign to you, try to relax, close your eyes and read a poem you know, even a children’s one.

Calm music helps you relax. Take off your shoes, drink a glass of water and lie down, turning on a quiet melody.

Love yourself

Sometimes a negative situation drags on for a long time for reasons beyond your control. How to become calm when everything is falling out of your hands and you cannot control either the situation or yourself?

Relaxing baths, soothing teas and simple valerian will help you get through difficult moments and wait out troubles. Physical exercise and walks in the fresh air relieve stress, make the blood move faster and deliver the necessary vitamins and minerals to your irritated body.

You definitely need to get enough sleep and eat right. The diets that some women love to go on most often lead to vitamin deficiency and dehydration, which results in attacks of anger. At the same time, there is no need to overeat, especially at night. This way you can deprive yourself of precious sleep.

Being calm does not mean being indifferent. This means being able to control yourself. How often do people find themselves in situations where they simply need to remain calm: stress, conflict situations, discrepancies in expectations and reality, failures. Emotions begin to fill the person. To prevent emotions from consuming your mind, you need to remain calm.

Why is it important?

Firstly, because a “cool head” is able to think logically and draw the right conclusions, clearly analyzing the situation and suggesting options for getting out of it.
Secondly, a calm reaction to a conflict situation gives a person additional time to choose a course of action.
Thirdly, a calm person controls his words and actions, which means he will not aggravate the current situation with his actions and words.

So, it is very important to remain calm in any situation, but in practice it is extremely difficult to do this, especially for impulsive and emotional people. The reason for this is in the mechanisms of reaction to stimuli. The fact is that the stimulus itself does not cause a reaction of anxiety in us. This reaction appears in response to one's own thoughts.

The mechanism of anxiety is simple:

Sense organs detect something (sound, image, tactile sensation).
The brain instantly identifies the stimulus with some image.
An emotional reaction to one’s own thoughts occurs: fear, horror, laughter, irritation, etc.

It is thoughts that cause an emotional reaction in a person. The speed of its occurrence depends on the speed of formation of nerve connections and, naturally, some people react faster, while others slower.

A person reacts not to the environment, but exclusively to himself. Moreover, the strength and speed of his reaction depends on the speed and stability of the nervous connections of his own body. An interesting conclusion emerges that we react to our thoughts in our own way, depending on personal characteristics. Understanding this, you can establish a number of rules that will help you stay calm in a variety of situations.

1. Avoid annoying thoughts by blocking them with positive or justifiable thoughts.

At first glance, this seems complicated, but in fact the mechanism of this rule is simple. Let's remember situations from childhood with the telling of “scary stories”, after which the crack of a broken branch seems like the steps of a monster, and the rustling of leaves is perceived as the whisper of fairy-tale characters. In any ordinary situation you can find mysticism if the brain is tuned to perceive it. This is why a small child is afraid of the dark, perceiving a towel as a snake and a pillow as a monster. His brain is wired to be afraid. The brain of an adult who is tuned to negativity in his own family or at work works in the same way. A harmless joke is perceived as a desire to offend, criticism from superiors is perceived as a negative assessment of abilities, and a simple remark at home is perceived as a complaint. And now your own brain draws conclusions that they don’t respect you, they find fault with you, they don’t trust you, etc. The brain of a pathological jealous person pictures scenes of betrayal, and sometimes one detail is enough to cause an emotional reaction.

At the same time, people around are perplexed, because not one small detail deserves such a violent reaction. It is not clear to them that the brain has been preparing for such a surge of emotions for a long time.

The most important, do not allow a riot of negative annoying thoughts in your head, replacing them with justifications at the stage of formation.

For example, consider a situation where spouses hardly communicate in the evening. The thought “he doesn’t love me” should be replaced by the thought “he is very tired.” The latter does not cause negativity and is not able to consider the continuation of the story. She is finite.
Another example is criticism of superiors. The thought “he thinks I’m stupid” is replaced by the thought “he wants to convey his demands to me so as not to return to this again.”

Third example, a colleague (neighbor) provokes you into a conflict. The thought “it’s time to put her in her place, she doesn’t respect me” needs to be replaced with the thought “she understands my superiority and wants to lower my authority in the eyes of others through this conflict.”

There are many similar examples that can be given, the main thing is to be able to make substitutions in time, preventing the development of negative thoughts. Feel like a little child when, when you touch something soft, you can imagine a kitten, or you can imagine a wolf. The touch is one, but the thoughts are different, and the reaction will depend on them: fear or smile.

2. Pause before you react.

The heroine of the old black and white film “Theater” adheres to an amazing principle: if you take a break, then hold it until the end. In response to annoying actions, it is very useful to learn to pause.

Firstly, negative thoughts that knock us out of a calm state come very first, while more positive and justifying ones, as a rule, linger. Therefore, you need to give them the opportunity to form and block the negativity.
Secondly, fast nerve connections are not strong enough. To understand your emotional reaction, you need to give it time to establish.
Thirdly, a pause will help the irritating object (person, object) to continue its line of behavior. For example, a strong wind blew your hat away and carried it away. A pause will help you understand the wind speed, its direction and determine the method of action. Reacting quickly can cause you to run in the wrong direction or step on your headgear.

Another example, a person says a lot of negative words towards you. A quick answer will cause a conflict, and a pause will help you listen to his monologue, the end of which could be a declaration of love. In addition, a pause will help you find the right words that can end the quarrel that has started.

You can help maintain a pause with a simple count or some kind of counting rhyme (known only to you). Orthodox people in such situations read prayers, which produces a wonderful psychological effect: it helps to pause and brings them to a logical state of thought.

3. Watch your breath

An emotional reaction is always accompanied by a disruption in the breathing rhythm and an increase in heart rate. In this situation, simple breathing control will help you stay calm. Don't allow yourself to hold your breath or breathe short and fast. Taking a deep breath and exhaling will help saturate the brain with oxygen and force it to work correctly, without obeying the first reactions.
So, everything is quite simple. The main thing is that these rules become the norm for you. And then the world around will not seem terrible. Life is much more interesting if you live in harmony with others and yourself.

“Let troubled water calm down and it will become clear.” (Lao Tzu)
« Never rush and you will arrive on time» . (C. Talleyrand)

Another article from the “every day” section - theme of peace in human life. How to stay calm, why calm is so good for life and health. We specifically placed this article in the “every day” section, because we believe that it will be useful for every person to calm down in time, put their thoughts in order and just relax. When we make a hasty or emotional decision, we sometimes become disappointed and regret what we did after a while, feeling guilty. To prevent such situations from happening, you need to take this skill into your arsenal. And in general, peace of mind will have the most beneficial effect on health and success in life. In a clear and calm state, a person is able to more soberly assess the situation, feel himself and the world. Let's try to figure out what calmness is and try on this feeling for ourselves.

Your thoughts are like circles on water. Clarity disappears in excitement, but if you let the waves calm down, the answer will become obvious. (Cartoon Kung Fu Panda)

So, what are the benefits of peace of mind:

Calmness gives strength - to overcome external obstacles and internal contradictions.
Calmness gives liberation - it contains fears, complexes and self-doubt.
Calmness shows the way - for self-improvement.
Peace of mind comes from goodwill – from the people around you.
Calmness gives confidence – in one’s own abilities.
Calmness gives clarity - thoughts and actions.

Calm is a state of mind in which internal conflicts and contradictions do not arise, and external objects are perceived equally balanced.

Manifestations of calmness in everyday life; everyday situations, discussions, in families, extreme situations:

Everyday situations. The ability to extinguish an incipient quarrel between friends or loved ones is the skill of a calm person.
Discussions. The ability to calmly, without getting excited or lost, to defend one’s position is the ability of a calm person.
Scientific experiments. Only calm confidence in their own rightness helps scientists move towards their intended goal through a series of failures.
Extreme situations. Clarity of mind and rationality of actions are the advantages of a calm person that increase his chances of salvation even in the most difficult situations.
Diplomacy. A necessary quality for a diplomat is calm; it helps to restrain emotions and perform only rational actions.
Family education. Parents who raise their children in a calm environment, without excesses and loud quarrels, instill calmness in their children.

One cannot but agree:

Calmness is the ability to maintain clarity of mind and sobriety under any external circumstances.
Calmness is the willingness to always act rationally, based on logical conclusions, and not on an emotional outburst.
Calmness is a person’s self-control and strength of character, which helps to survive in force majeure and achieve success in ordinary circumstances.
Calmness is an expression of sincere trust in life and the world around us.
Calmness is a benevolent attitude towards the world and a friendly attitude towards people.

If you feel like time is passing too quickly, slow down your breathing....

How to achieve calmness, how to calm down right now, how to find calmness in practice

1. Sit on a chair and completely relax. Starting from your toes and gradually moving up to your head, relax every part of your body. Confirm relaxation with words: “My toes are relaxed... my fingers are relaxed... my facial muscles are relaxed...”, etc.
2. Imagine your mind as the surface of a lake in a thunderstorm, with waves rising and water bubbling.. But the waves subsided, and the surface of the lake became calm and smooth.
3. Spend two or three minutes recalling the most beautiful and tranquil scenes you have ever beheld.: for example, a mountainside at sunset, or a deep plain filled with the silence of the early morning, or a forest at noon, or the reflection of moonlight on ripples of water. Relive these pictures in your memory.
4. Repeat slowly the words of calm, calmly, melodiously a series of words expressing peace and quiet, for example: calm (say it slowly, in a low voice); serenity; silence. Think of some other words of this type and repeat them.
5. Make a mental list of times in your life when you knew you were under God's protection, and remember how He brought everything back to normal and calmed you down when you were worried and scared. Then read aloud this line from the old hymn: “Thy power has guarded me so long that I know it will QUIETLY guide me further.”
6. Repeat the following verse, which has amazing power to relax and calm the mind.: « You keep him who is strong in spirit in perfect peace, for he trusts in You."(Book of the Prophet Isaiah 26:3). Repeat it several times during the day, as soon as you have a free minute. Repeat this, if possible, out loud so that by the end of the day you have time to say it many times. See these words as powerful, vital words that penetrate your mind, and from there it sends them out into every area of your thinking, like a healing balm. This is the most effective medicine to remove tension from your mind..

7. Allow your breathing to bring you to a calm state. Conscious breathing, which is a powerful meditation in itself, will gradually bring you into contact with the body. Pay attention to your breathing, how the air moves in and out of your body. Inhale and feel how with each inhalation and exhalation your stomach first rises slightly and then falls. If visualization is easy enough for you, then simply close your eyes and imagine yourself engulfed in light or immersed in a luminous substance - in a sea of consciousness. Now breathe in this light. Feel how the luminous substance fills your body and also makes it glow. Then gradually shift your focus more to the feeling. So you are in the body. Just don't get attached to any visual image.

As you develop the techniques suggested in this chapter, the tendency toward the old behavior of tearing and throwing will gradually change. In direct proportion to your progress, the strength and ability to cope with any responsibility in your life will increase, which was previously suppressed by this unfortunate habit.

Learning to be calm - How to remain calm at a crucial moment, and in difficult situations, sound reasoning about a person’s calmness and emotions (in some places, especially at the beginning and end, and in the middle in some places):

What other methods and ways of finding peace of mind exist in life, where to go for peace of mind, what will help you find peace of mind, where to find peace of mind:

Faith gives a person peace of mind. A believer is always confident that everything in life - both good and bad - has meaning. Therefore, faith gives a person peace of mind. - "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."(Gospel of Matthew 11:28)
Psychological trainings. Inner peace training can help a person shed the shackles of self-doubt and get rid of fears; therefore, cultivate calmness in yourself.
Self improvement. The basis of calm is self-confidence; by overcoming complexes and constriction, cultivating self-respect, a person approaches a state of calm.
Education. For peace of mind, understanding is necessary - in order to understand the nature of things and their interrelationship, a person needs education

Selected quotes and aphorisms about calmness:

What elements make up happiness? Only of two, gentlemen, only of two: a calm soul and a healthy body. (Michael Bulgakov)
The greatest peace of heart is possessed by the one who cares neither about praise nor about blame. (Thomas à Kempis)
The highest degree of human wisdom is the ability to adapt to circumstances and remain calm despite external storms. (Daniel Defoe)
Peace of mind is the best relief in trouble. (Plautus)
Passions are nothing more than ideas in their first development: they belong to the youth of the heart, and he is a fool who thinks to worry about them all his life: many calm rivers begin with noisy waterfalls, but not one jumps and foams all the way to the sea. (Mikhail Lermontov)
Everything usually goes well as long as we are calm. This is the law of nature. (Max Fry)

What useful things will I take away for myself and for life from this article:
If any difficulties arise in life, I will first calm down and then make the right decision....
I will remember quotes about calmness that will help me in difficult times, in times of unrest....
I will put the methods of entering a calm state into practice....

We must value peace of mind if we want to live our lives happily!

That's all Dear Friends, stay with us - your favorite - site

How to stay calm, the health benefits of calm, or how to stop tearing and throwing.

Many people unnecessarily complicate their lives, wasting their strength and energy, succumbing to an uncontrollable state, which is expressed in the words “tearing and throwing.”

Does it happen to you that you “tear and rush”? If yes, then I will paint you a picture of this condition. The word "to tear" means boiling, explosion, release of steam, irritation, confusion, seething. The word "throw" has similar meanings. When I hear it, I remember a sick child at night, who is capricious and either screams or whines pitifully. As soon as it subsides, it starts again. This is an annoying, annoying, destructive act. Throwing is a children's term, but it describes the emotional reaction of many adults.

The Bible advises us: “...not in Your wrath...” (Psalm 37:2). This is useful advice for people of our time. We need to stop tearing and throwing and find peace if we want to maintain the strength for an active life. How can this be achieved?

The first stage is to moderate your stride, or at least the pace of your steps. We don't realize how much the pace of our lives has increased or the speed we set for ourselves. Many people are destroying their physical bodies at this rate, but what is even sadder is that they are also tearing their minds and souls to shreds. A person can live a calm physical life and at the same time maintain a high emotional pace. From this point of view, even a disabled person can live at too high a pace. This term defines the nature of our thoughts. When the mind frantically jumps from one position to another, it becomes extremely agitated, and the result is a state close to a flash of irritation. The pace of modern life must be slowed down if we do not want to suffer later from the debilitating overstimulation and excessive worry it causes. Such overexcitation produces toxic substances in the human body and leads to illnesses of an emotional nature. This is where fatigue and a feeling of disappointment arise, which is why we tear up and fight when it comes to everything, from our personal problems to events on a national or global scale. But if the influence of this emotional anxiety produces such an effect on our physiology, then what can we say about the effect on that deep inner essence of a person, which is called the soul?

It is impossible to find peace of mind when the pace of life increases so feverishly. God can't go that fast. He won't make an effort to keep up with you. It is as if He is saying, “Go ahead if you must adjust to this foolish pace, and when you are exhausted, I will offer you My healing. But I can make your life very fulfilling if you will slow down now and begin to live, move and abide in Me.” God moves calmly, slowly and in perfect harmony. The only reasonable pace for life is Divine Tempo. God makes sure that everything is done and done correctly. He does everything without haste. He doesn't tear or rush. He is calm, and therefore his actions are effective. This same peace is offered to us: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you...” (Gospel of John 14:27).

In a certain sense, this generation is worthy of pity, especially in big cities, since it is under the influence of constant nervous tension, artificial excitement and noise. But this disease also penetrates into remote rural areas, since air waves transmit this tension even there.

I was made to laugh by one elderly lady who, while discussing this problem, said: “Life is so mundane.” This line very well captures the pressure, responsibility and tension that everyday life brings to us. The constant insistent demands placed on us by life provoke this tension.

Someone may object: isn’t this generation so accustomed to tension that many feel unhappy due to the incomprehensible discomfort caused by the absence of the usual tension? The deep tranquility of forests and valleys, so well known to our forefathers, is an unusual state for modern people. The pace of their lives is such that in many cases they find themselves unable to find the sources of peace and quiet that the material world offers them.

One summer afternoon, my wife and I went for a long walk in the forest. We stayed at a beautiful mountain lodge on Lake Mohonk, located in one of America's most wonderful natural parks - 7,500 acres of virgin mountain slopes, between which is a lake that lies like a pearl in the middle of the forest. The word mohonk means "lake in the sky." Many centuries ago, a certain giant raised this part of the earth, which is why sheer cliffs were formed. From the dark forest you emerge onto a majestic headland, and your eyes rest on the vast clearings spread between hills strewn with stones and ancient as the sun. These forests, mountains and valleys are the place where one should get away from the turmoil of this world.

This afternoon, while walking, we watched the summer showers give way to bright sunshine. We were soaked through and began to discuss this excitedly, since it was necessary to wring out our clothes somewhere. And then we agreed that nothing bad will happen to a person if he gets a little wet with clean rainwater, that the rain is so pleasantly cool and refreshes the face, and that you can sit in the sun and dry off. We walked under the trees and talked, and then fell silent.

We listened, listened to the silence. Frankly, the woods are never quiet. An incredible, but invisible activity is constantly unfolding there, but nature does not make any sharp noises, despite the gigantic volume of its work. Natural sounds are always calm and harmonious.

On this beautiful afternoon, nature laid its hand of healing calm on us, and we felt the tension leave our body.
Just at the moment when we were under the spell of this spell, the distant sounds of music reached us. It was a fast, nervous variation of jazz. Soon three young men walked past us - two women and a man. The latter carried a portable radio. These were city dwellers who went for a walk in the forest and, out of habit, brought their city noise with them. They were not only young, but also friendly, because they stopped,

and we had a very nice conversation with them. I wanted to ask them to turn off the radio and invite them to listen to the music of the forest, but I understood that I had no right to lecture them. In the end they went their separate ways.

We talked about the fact that they lose a lot from this noise, that they can go through this calm and not hear the harmony and melodies as ancient as the world, the likes of which man will never be able to create: the song of the wind in the branches of the trees, the sweetest trills of birds pouring out in singing your heart, and the inexplicable musical accompaniment of all spheres in general.

All this can still be found in the countryside, in our forests and endless plains, in our valleys, in the grandeur of our mountains, in the sound of foamy waves on the coastal sand. We should take advantage of their healing power. Remember the words of Jesus: “Go alone to a deserted place and rest a little” (Mark 6:31). Even now, as I write these words and give you this good advice, I remember occasions when I needed to remind myself and put into practice the same truth that teaches that we must value peace if we want to live our lives happily.

One autumn day Mrs. Peale and I took a trip to Massachusetts to see our son John, who was then studying at Deerfield Academy. We informed him that we would arrive promptly at 11am, as we prided ourselves on our good old-fashioned habit of being punctual. Therefore, noticing that we were a little late, we rushed headlong through the autumn landscape. But then the wife said, “Norman, do you see that sparkling mountainside?” “Which mountainside?” - I asked. “He was just on the other side,” she explained. “Look at this wonderful tree.” “What other tree?” - I was already a mile away from him. “This is one of the most magnificent days I have ever seen,” said the wife. - Is it possible to imagine such amazing colors as those that color the mountain slopes in New England in October? In essence,” she added, “it makes me happy from the inside out.”

This remark made such an impression on me that I stopped the car and turned back towards the lake, a quarter of a mile away and surrounded by steep hills dressed in autumn clothes. We sat down on the grass, looked at this beauty and thought. God, with the help of His genius and unsurpassed art, decorated this scene with a variety of colors that only He could create. In the still water of the lake there was a picture worthy of His greatness - a mountain slope of unforgettable beauty was reflected in this pond, as in a mirror. We sat for some time without saying a word, until finally my wife broke the silence with the only appropriate statement in such a situation: “ He leads me to still waters"(Psalm 22:2). We arrived in Deerfield at 11 a.m. but didn't feel any fatigue. On the contrary, we even seemed to be thoroughly refreshed.

To help reduce this daily stress, which seems to be the dominant condition of our people everywhere, you can start by slowing down your own pace. To do this, you need to slow down and calm down. Don't get annoyed. Don't worry. Try to remain calm. Follow this instruction: “...and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding...” (Philippians 4:7). Then notice how a feeling of calm strength wells up within you. A friend of mine who was forced to go on vacation because of the “pressure” he had acquired wrote me the following: “I learned a lot during this forced vacation. Now I understand what I did not understand before: in silence we are aware of His presence. Life can get extremely hectic. But as Lao Tzu says, let the troubled water calm down and it will become clear».

One doctor gave rather eccentric advice to his patient, an overly burdened businessman from the category of active acquirers. He excitedly told the doctor what an incredible amount of work he was forced to do, and that he had to do it immediately, quickly, or else...

“And I bring home my work in my briefcase for the evening,” he said excitedly. “Why do you bring work home every evening?” - the doctor asked calmly. “I have to do it,” the businessman said irritably. “Couldn’t someone else do it or help you deal with it?” - asked the doctor. “No,” the patient blurted out. - I'm the only one who can do it. It must be done right, and only I can do it right. It must be done quickly. It all depends on me". “If I give you a prescription, will you follow it?” - asked the doctor.

Believe it or not, this was the doctor's order: the patient was to take two hours out of each work day for a long walk. Then once a week he had to spend half a day in the cemetery.

The surprised businessman asked: “Why should I spend half my day in a cemetery?” “Because I want you to wander around and look at the headstones on the graves of the people who found their eternal rest there. I want you to reflect on the fact that many of them are there because they thought just like you, as if the whole world rested on their shoulders. Consider the serious fact that when you get there permanently, the world will remain the same as before, and other people just as important as you will be doing the same work that you are doing now. I advise you to sit on one of the tombstones and repeat the following verse: “ For in Your sight a thousand years are like yesterday when it is past, and like a watch in the night."(Psalm 89:5).

The patient understood this idea. He moderated his pace. He learned to delegate authority to other, fairly authoritative persons. He came to a correct understanding of his own importance. Stopped tearing and throwing. I found peace. And it should be added that he began to cope better with his work. He has developed a better organizational structure and admits that his business is now in better shape than before.

One famous industrialist suffered greatly from overload. Essentially, his mind was tuned to a state of constantly tense nerves. This is how he described his awakening: every morning he would jump out of bed and immediately start up at full throttle. He was in such a hurry and excitement that he “made himself a breakfast of soft-boiled eggs just because they go faster.” This hectic pace tired and exhausted him to the point of exhaustion by mid-day. Every evening he fell into bed completely exhausted.

It so happened that his house turned out to be located in a small grove. Early one morning, unable to sleep, he got up and sat by the window. And then he began to watch with interest the newly awakened bird. He noticed that the bird was sleeping with its head hidden under its wing, tightly covered with feathers. Having woken up, she stuck her beak out from under the feathers, looked around with her eyes still clouded from sleep, extended one leg to its full length, at the same time stretching her wing along it, opening it in the form of a fan. Then she retracted her paw and folded her wing and repeated the same procedure with the other paw and wing, after which she again hid her head in the feathers to take a little more sweet nap, and stuck her head out again. This time the bird looked around intently, turning its head back, stretched twice more, then uttered a trill - a touching, delightful song of praise for a new day - after which it flew down from the branch, took a sip of cold water and went in search of food.

My nervous friend said to himself: “If this method of awakening works for birds, slow and easy, then why wouldn’t it work for me?”

And he actually did the same performance, including singing, and noticed that the song had a particularly beneficial effect, since it served as a kind of reliever.

“I don’t know how to sing,” he grinned, remembering, “but I practiced: I sat quietly in a chair and sang. Mostly I sang hymns and happy songs. Just imagine - I’m singing! But I did it. My wife thought I was crazy. The only way my program differed from the bird’s was that I also prayed, and then, like the bird, I began to feel that it would not hurt for me to refresh myself, or rather, to eat a solid breakfast - scrambled eggs with ham. And I devoted the allotted time to this. Then, with a peaceful mind, I went to work. All this really contributed to an effective start to the day, without any stress, and helped to work through the day in a calm and relaxed state.”

A former member of a champion university rowing team told me that their team coach, a very insightful man, often reminded them: “ To win this or any other competition, row slowly " He pointed out that hasty rowing, as a rule, disrupts the stroke of the oar, and if this happens, then it is very difficult for the team to restore the rhythm necessary for victory. Meanwhile, other teams bypass the unlucky group. Truly this is wise advice - “to swim fast, row slowly”.

In order to row slowly or work leisurely and maintain a steady pace that leads to victory, the victim of high tempos would do well to coordinate his actions with the peace of God in his own mind, soul and, it might not hurt to add, also in his nerves and muscles.

Have you ever thought about the importance of the presence of Divine peace in your muscles and joints? Perhaps your joints would not hurt so much if there was Divine peace in them. Your muscles will work interconnectedly if their action is controlled by the Divine creative power. Every day tell your muscles, joints and nerves: “...not in Your wrath...” (Psalm 37:2). Relax on your couch or bed, think of each vital muscle from your head to your toes, and say to each one, “Divine peace is upon you.” Then learn to feel the calm flow through your entire body. In due time, your muscles and joints will be in perfect order.

Take your time because what you really want will be there in due time if you work towards it without stress or fuss. But if, continuing to follow Divine guidance and His smooth and unhurried pace, you do not get the desired result, then you must assume that it should not happen. If you missed it, it's probably for the best. Therefore, try to develop a normal, natural, God-determined pace. Develop and maintain mental calm. Learn the art of getting rid of all nervous excitement. To do this, stop your activities from time to time and affirm: “Now I am releasing nervous excitement - it flows out of me. I am calm". Don't tear it. Don't rush around. Develop calm.

In order to achieve this productive state of life, I recommend developing a calm mindset. Every day we perform a number of necessary procedures related to taking care of our body: taking a shower or bath, brushing our teeth, doing morning exercises. Likewise, we should devote some time and some effort to keeping our mind healthy. One way to achieve this is to sit in a quiet place and run a series of calming thoughts through your mind. For example, some memory of a majestic mountain you once saw or a valley above which fog rises, of a river sparkling in the sun where trout splashes, or the silvery reflection of moonlight on the surface of the water.

At least once a day, preferably during the most busy period of the day, deliberately stop all sorts of activities for ten to fifteen minutes and practice a state of serenity.

There are times when it is necessary to resolutely curb our unrestrained pace, and I must emphasize that the only way to stop is to stop.

Once I went to one of the cities to give a lecture, which had been agreed upon in advance, and was met by representatives of some committee at the train. I was immediately quickly dragged into a bookstore, where I was forced to sign autographs. Then, just as quickly, I was dragged to a light breakfast arranged in my honor, after I quickly devoured this breakfast, I was picked up and taken to the meeting. After the meeting, I was driven back to the hotel at the same speed, where I changed clothes, after which I was hastily escorted to some reception, where I was greeted by several hundred people and where I drank three glasses of punch. Then I was quickly brought back to the hotel and warned that I had twenty minutes to change clothes for dinner. As I was changing, the phone rang and someone said, “Hurry up, please, we have to rush to lunch.” I answered excitedly: “I’m already rushing.”

I quickly ran out of the room, so excited that I could barely get the key into the keyhole. Having quickly felt myself to make sure I was fully dressed, I rushed to the elevator. And then he stopped. It took my breath away. I asked myself: “What is all this for? What is the point in this continuous race? It's funny!

And then I declared my independence and said: “I don’t care whether I get to dinner or not. I don't care whether I give a speech or not. I don’t have to go to this dinner and I don’t have to give a speech.” After that, I deliberately slowly returned to my room and slowly unlocked the door. Then he called the attendant, who was waiting below, and said: “If you are hungry, go ahead. If you want to take a place for me, then after some time I will go down, but I don’t intend to rush anywhere else.”

So I sat, rested and prayed for fifteen minutes. I will never forget the feeling of peace and self-control I felt when I left the room. It was as if I had heroically overcome something, taken control of my emotions, and when I arrived for dinner, the guests had just finished the first course. I only missed the soup, which, by all accounts, was not such a big loss.

This incident made it possible to verify the amazing effect of the healing Divine presence. I acquired these values in a very simple way - stopping, quietly reading the Bible, praying sincerely, and filling my mind with calming thoughts for a few minutes.
Doctors generally believe that most physical ailments could be avoided or overcome by constantly practicing the philosophical attitude - there is no need to tear and throw.

A well-known New Yorker once told me that his doctor advised him to come to our church clinic. “Because,” he said, “you need to develop a philosophical way of life. Your energy resources are exhausted."

“My doctor says I'm pushing myself to the limit. He says that I am too tense, too tense, that I tear and sword too much. He declares that the only suitable treatment for me is the development of what he calls a philosophical way of life."
My visitor stood up and began pacing excitedly up and down the room, and then asked: “But how the hell can I work this out? It’s easy to say, but difficult to do.”

Then this excited gentleman continued his story. His doctor gave him certain recommendations for developing this calm, philosophical way of life. The recommendations turned out to be really wise. “But then,” the patient explained, “the doctor suggested that I should see your people here at the church, because he believed that if I learned to put religious faith into practice, it would give me peace of mind and lower my blood pressure, after which will make me feel better physically. And although I admit that my doctor’s prescription makes sense,” he concluded plaintively, “how can a fifty-year-old man, as high-strung by nature as I am, suddenly change the habits that he acquired throughout his life and develop this so-called philosophical image life?
Indeed, this did not seem to be an easy problem, since this man was a complete bundle of nerves inflated to the limit. He paced around the room, pounded the table with his fist, spoke in a loud, excited voice, and gave the impression of an extremely alarmed, confused person. Obviously, his affairs were in a very bad state, but in parallel with this, his inner state was also revealed. The picture thus obtained gave us a chance to help him because we were able to better understand his essence.

Listening to his words and observing his attitude, I understood anew why Jesus Christ has consistently maintained his amazing influence on people. Because He had the answer to problems like this, and I tested this fact by suddenly changing the topic of our conversation. Without any introduction, I began to quote some passages from the Bible, for example: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). And again: “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you: not as the world gives, I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (Gospel of John 14:27). And again: “You will keep him who is strong in spirit in perfect peace, for he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3).

I quoted these words quietly, slowly, thoughtfully. As soon as I fell silent, I immediately noticed that my visitor’s excitement had subsided. Calm came over him and we both sat in silence for a while. It seemed like we sat there for a few minutes, maybe less, but then he took a deep breath and said, “It's funny, I feel a lot better. Isn't that weird? I think those words did it.” “No, not only the words,” I replied, “although they certainly had a significant impact on your mind, but also something incomprehensible that happened after that. A minute ago He touched you - the Healer - with His healing touch. He was present in this room."

My visitor did not show any surprise at this statement, but readily and impulsively agreed - and conviction was written on his face. “That's right, He was definitely here. I felt Him. I understand what you meant. Now I know that Jesus Christ will help me develop a philosophical way of life.”

This man found what more and more people are discovering today: simple faith and the use of the principles and methods of Christianity bring peace and quiet, and therefore new strength to body, mind and spirit. This is the perfect antidote for those who vomit and rush. It helps a person find peace and thus discover new resources of strength.

Of course, it was necessary to teach this person a new way of thinking and behavior. This was done in part with the help of relevant literature written by experts in the field of spiritual culture. For example, we gave him lessons in the skill of going to church. We showed him that church service can be seen as a kind of therapy. We instructed him on the scientific use of prayer and relaxation. And eventually, as a result of this practice, he became a healthy person. Anyone who is willing to follow this program and sincerely use these principles day after day, I am confident, will be able to develop inner peace and strength. Many of these methods are presented in this book.

Emotional control is of paramount importance in the daily practice of healing modalities. Control over emotions cannot be achieved with the wave of a magic wand or in some easy way. You can't develop this simply by reading a book, although that often helps. The only guaranteed method is regular, persistent, scientifically based work in this direction and the development of creative faith.

I advise you to begin with such a thorough and simple procedure as the regular practice of being in physical peace. Don't walk from corner to corner. Don't wring your hands. Don't pound your fists on the table, don't shout, don't quarrel. Don't allow yourself to work to the point of exhaustion. With nervous excitement, a person’s physical movements become convulsive. Therefore, start with the simplest thing, stopping all physical movement. Stand still or sit or lie down for a while. And, it goes without saying, speak only in the lowest tones.

When developing control over your state, you need to think about silence, since the body is very sensitive and responds to the way of thinking that dominates the mind. Indeed, the mind can be calmed by calming the body first. In other words, a physical state can cause a desired mental attitude.

Once in my speech I touched upon the following incident, which occurred at a meeting of some committee where I was then present. One gentleman who heard me tell this story was greatly impressed by it, and he took this truth to heart. He tried the suggested methods and reported that they were very effective in gaining control of his tearing and throwing habits.

I once attended a meeting where the heated discussion became quite heated at the end. Passions flared up, and some of the participants were almost on the verge of a breakdown. Harsh remarks followed. And suddenly one man stood up, slowly took off his jacket, unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and lay down on the couch. Everyone was amazed, and someone even asked if he was sick.

“No,” he said, “I feel great, but I’m starting to lose my temper, and I know from experience that it’s hard to lose your temper while lying down.”

We all laughed and the tension subsided. Our eccentric friend then went into further explanation and told how he had learned to play “one little trick” on himself. He had an unbalanced character, and when he felt that he was losing his temper and began to clench his fists and raise his voice, he immediately slowly spread his fingers, preventing them from clenching into a fist again. He did the same with his voice: when tension increased or anger grew, he deliberately suppressed the sound of his voice and switched to a whisper. “It’s absolutely impossible to argue in a whisper,” he said with a laugh.

This principle can be effective in controlling emotional arousal, irritation and tension, as many have found in similar experiments. Therefore, the initial step in achieving a calm state is to practice your physical reactions. You will be surprised at how quickly this will cool the intensity of your emotions, and when this intensity subsides, you will no longer have any desire to tear and throw. You can’t even imagine how much energy and effort you will save. And how much less tired you will become. In addition, this is a very suitable procedure for developing phlegmatism, indifference and even indifference. Don't be afraid to try to develop inertia. Having such skills, people are less likely to experience emotional breakdowns. Highly organized individuals will benefit from this ability to switch their reactions. But it is quite natural that a person of this type will not want to lose such qualities as sensitivity and responsiveness. However, having developed a certain degree of phlegmatism, a harmonious personality acquires only a more balanced emotional position.

The following is a six-step method that I personally find extremely useful for those who want to break the habit of tearing and throwing. I have recommended this method to so many people who have found it extremely helpful.

Mantra of Universal Peace

More recently, a new concept has emerged - emotional intelligence. It refers to a person's ability to understand and manage their feelings and emotions. The higher a person’s emotional intelligence, the greater the chance of becoming a successful businessman and achieving his or her goals. The ability to control your emotions in any situation is valued much higher than a person’s mental abilities.

Conflict situation: how to pull yourself together?

1. Conflicts are often provoked by feelings of anger and resentment. Self-control primarily implies the ability to determine the quality of a situation. A correct understanding of the causes of a conflict situation will help you quickly find ways to solve the problem. The ability to think sensibly at a time when emotions are running high makes it possible to avoid minor conflicts.

Irritants arise so suddenly and unexpectedly that you cannot always contain the emotions rushing out. It happens that in a crowded minibus you stepped on your new shoes and crushed your foot, or unexpectedly, at the most inopportune moment, the phone rang. You begin to feel irritated and want to throw out your negative emotions. By submitting to your desires at such a moment, you provoke a conflict that can be avoided.

Understanding the meaninglessness of such a surge of emotions (after all, in this case, no one is to blame, no one pursued the goal of offending or annoying you), you can easily avoid a stressful situation.

2. Try to ignore irritants

Learn to think without being subject to surging negative emotions that can lead to conflict. Often this situation arises due to a simple inability to restrain one’s feelings. For example: in an office where many people work, some habits can serve as irritants. Someone speaks loudly on the phone, another is used to stirring sugar in a cup of coffee for a long time. It might seem like a small thing, but how many “office wars” arise for such insignificant reasons. How to save your nerves? Learn to ignore irritants that are not directly related to your feelings and desires. Instead of emotional remarks, use laughter and humor more often. If the sound of stirring coffee annoys you so much, then show your imagination: give this employee a set of disposable tableware for the holiday - it won’t ring.

If an unpleasant dialogue has already arisen, you should not make it the goal of “destroying the enemy.” A “biting” answer always encourages the opponent to make a counter move. The resentment left by your words can lead to the next conflict. The main goal of dialogue is to understand each other and come to a solution acceptable to both parties. A pause in a tense conversation gives not only you, but also your partner, the opportunity to think about your words and actions. The ability to think over your words and conduct a dialogue outwardly calmly, even if a “volcano of emotions” is raging inside you, is not always easy. The ability to pause will help you hold on to your feelings and not allow yourself and your opponent to move into a “bazaar squabble.”

To protect your nerves and remain calm even when the world around you is collapsing, follow these tips in your behavior:

smile and pause: this usually discourages the enemy and reduces his ardor;
continue the conversation in a calm voice, try to return your opponent to dialogue and not to bickering;
when listening to criticism addressed to you, do not try to justify yourself, but try to understand its motives; if it is not justified, simply ignore it;
always remember: negative emotions harm you first of all, so try to avoid them;
remember that you are also far from an “angel” and it is impossible to please everyone;
When you are provoked into conflict, think: is it necessary for you.

The ability to not give in to emotions is important not only in dialogue or communication. In crisis situations, it is important to control yourself, not to fall into despair, and to remain calm. The anticipation of punishment is worse than the punishment itself. A quick solution to the problem will help maintain health and nerves. Fear of some event or conversation will undermine you from the inside. Self-control is the ability to choose the right decision, discarding emotions, the ability to overcome fear, self-doubt, and demonstrate volitional efforts.

Try to live for today, solve current problems. Talking through the situation helps relieve stress and reduce emotional tension. By talking about your problems, you will free yourself from accumulated emotions and experiences. In such discussions, you can come to the right decision.

Controlling your emotions is not always useful; everything should be in moderation. Carefully hidden emotional experiences can lead to chronic fatigue syndrome, increased irritability, and alcoholism.

It is necessary to give vent to your feelings from time to time. Getting rid of accumulated negativity by screaming is not the best way. It is best to relieve such tension through physical exercise or positive emotions.

(8 Voices)

Time has passed. Everyone hopes only for you. Which wire needs to be cut? Of course, most of us will never have to deal with the choice of sappers when people's lives depend on the correct decision. However, everyday situations such as job interviews, public speaking, and family problems can be just as difficult if we are not used to dealing with them. Knowing how to stay calm during times of stress will not only have an immediate calming effect, but will also help you live a healthier, calmer life over time.

Steps

Instant Calm

Stop doing what you are doing. The best way to calm down if you're already feeling stressed is to stop interacting with the stressor. Sometimes just a few seconds of distraction is enough to make you feel much calmer.

Before responding to anything in an argument or difficult situation, try counting to ten or taking 3-5 deep breaths.
Take a break. For example, if an argument with your spouse becomes increasingly serious, stop and apologize. You can say this: “Right now I’m overwhelmed with emotions. I need to take a fifteen-minute break, and then we can return to the conversation.” Go somewhere else, take a couple of deep breaths and start repeating some self-confidence phrase: "I can handle this. I can do anything."

Focus on how you feel. When a person experiences stress, the body can perceive it as an attack and force us to either fight or flee. Because of this, the hormone adrenaline enters the blood, which constricts the blood vessels, forcing breathing to speed up and become shallow, and the heartbeat to increase. Over time, the brain can get used to such a response to stimuli and will automatically respond in a similar way.

Take a couple of deep breaths. When the body is forced to fight or flee, the sympathetic nervous system can influence breathing. You may find it difficult to breathe, but try to focus on taking long, deep breaths. This will restore the flow of oxygen into the blood and reduce the amount of lactic acid in the body, making you feel calmer.

Try to relax your muscles. When a person experiences stress, he unconsciously tenses and tightens his muscles, which increases nervous tension. If you learn to relax your muscles, it will be easier for you to feel calm. Relaxation techniques are based on consciously tensing and relaxing different muscle groups.

Play sports. Exercise is a natural way to improve your mood, because when you exercise, your body produces endorphins, the feel-good hormones. A number of studies have found that regular exercise makes a person calmer and happier. Whatever you choose (running, gymnastics, yoga, strength training), try to devote at least 30 minutes to sports every day - this will help you relax.

Finding the Source of Stress
1. Think about how you feel stressed. You may experience many different symptoms when you are in a stressful situation. If you know what to expect, you will be able to control your nervous tension. Everyone reacts to stress differently, but there are some common symptoms.
  - Psychological manifestations include problems with concentration, memory, distracted attention, indecision, deterioration of creative abilities, worries or frequent thoughts about bad things.
  - Emotional signs include tearfulness, irritability, mood swings, unusual sensations, defensive behavior, lack of motivation, a desire to procrastinate, self-doubt and low self-esteem, despair, nervousness, nervous tremors, and uncharacteristic aggression or anger.
  - Physical signs include pain, weakened immune system, weight changes, sleep disturbances, panic attacks, exhaustion, fatigue, and lack of sexual desire.
  - Behavioral signs may include forgetfulness, lack of self-care, withdrawal from socializing, sleep disturbances, relationship problems, inability to manage time, lack of motivation, and abuse of alcohol, nicotine, or drugs for relief.
2. Find the cause of your stress. Is your heart beating fast because you just got cut off on the highway or because you need to show your boss a presentation? Think about it and try to figure out what exactly is bothering you. Often sources of stress are:
  - Family conflicts. Problems with parents, loved ones or partners can be stressful.
  - Study or work. You may feel stressed about getting good grades, meeting deadlines, or achieving certain goals. Stress can also cause a desire to combine work and personal life or the need to make important decisions.
  - Personal problems. This is quite a source of stress. You may worry about not being good enough. You may have relationship, health, or financial problems that leave you constantly stressed. Perhaps you are bored or lonely, or you cannot find time for relaxation and for yourself.
3. Acknowledge your role. Perhaps stress has become so ingrained in your life that you no longer even notice how closely you are connected to it. Stop and analyze how you perceive stress.
  - Do you often feel nervous tension, even if it is temporary? For example, you might attribute your stress to the fact that you had a difficult week at work. However, if you often feel this tension, this suggests that the problem was not temporary.
  - Do you feel like stress has become part of your personality and life? You might be thinking, "Everyone in my family is always worried. That's just the way we are," or "My life is just always stressful." Such thoughts make you think that there is nothing you can do about this stress.
  - Do you think someone else is to blame for your stress? For example, you may attribute the stress of writing a thesis to the strict demands of your professor rather than to your tendency to procrastinate. This may prevent you from taking actions that would relieve tension.
4. Think about whether you are worried about past events. Sometimes a person becomes so immersed in worries about past events that it affects his state in the current moment. You cannot change the past, but you can respond appropriately in the present and prepare for the future.
  
  Consider whether you are worried about the future. We all worry about the future to one degree or another. However, this is dangerous because you can become immersed in anticipation of the future, worry about it and forget about the present moment. This is a bad habit, but you can get rid of it. Remember that the future is not predetermined.
  
  Developing a plan
  1. Practice relaxation. You should make decisions and make plans in a calm and relaxed state. If you are stressed or angry, it can negatively affect your ability to evaluate facts, which may lead you to make poor decisions.
    
    Decide how you will react. As a rule, there are two types of response to a stressor: you can change either the situation itself or your reaction to it. If you can't influence the source of stress, you can adjust your response. You can learn new techniques that will help you stay calm in a stressful situation. You can also focus on something else. Try answering a few questions:
    - Can you avoid stress? Sometimes this is possible, and accordingly, it is possible to change the situation. For example, if you are constantly overwhelmed by your busy work schedule, reconsider your plans and give up some things. You can also learn to say no to people and ask for help more often.
    - Can you change the stressor? Some sources of stress cannot be avoided, but you can change your attitude towards them and change the situation. For example, you and your loved one are arguing about something. This is normal even if you love each other very much. Disputes and quarrels should not cause stress if you approach them correctly - for example, if you seek compromise and express your desires directly, and not passive-aggressively.
    - Can you adapt to stressors? Attitude and response to stress can reduce the impact of stressors, even if the situation cannot be changed. For example, you are often frustrated by traffic jams, and you have no control over it - you need to get to work, and traffic jams are occurring in cities around the world. However, you can adapt to the situation by choosing public transport rather than a car, finding a different route, or leaving a little earlier or later.
    - Can you cope with the stress factor? There are things that cannot be changed. You cannot change other people's feelings, actions or reactions. There's nothing you can do about the fact that it rained on your wedding day or that your boss is a selfish fool. However, you can accept that not everything is within your control. This will allow you to perceive these situations as opportunities for personal growth.
  2. Make a plan. Sometimes you can solve a problem right away with one action, but sometimes you need to do it in several stages and it will take longer. Create a plan of achievable goals and set a deadline for all goals.
    - Many stressful situations can be avoided. By preparing in advance for important events and having a backup plan for unexpected situations, you won't have to worry later. It is much better to prevent something from happening than to deal with the consequences later.
  3. Be realistic. If you continue to feel stressed no matter what you do, and you are unable to cope with difficult situations in a timely manner, this most likely means that you have set unattainable goals for yourself. In a cultural context where a person's ability to handle anything is praised, it can be difficult to admit that you can't do something or can't do it within a certain time frame. You should reconsider your deadlines or adjust your expectations. If you cannot do this, then you are faced with a situation that you cannot control. Learn from your experience and move on to the next task.
    - If you notice that you are constantly not meeting someone's high expectations, stop seeking that person's approval and get rid of the martyr syndrome.
  4. Take one step at a time. A difficult problem can cause negative emotions even if you have a plan, but remember: even the longest journey begins with one step. Think about one goal at a time.
    - Be patient and don't put pressure on yourself. Remember that personal growth takes effort and time. If you encounter difficulties and setbacks (and you probably will), consider them obstacles that will help you find new ways to solve problems.
  Active actions
  1. Stop procrastinating. A person tends to put things off due to fear or anxiety that prevents them from moving forward. Perfectionism is also often a problem. You may become so caught up in the need to be perfect (which can be considered something very subjective and often unattainable) that you simply refuse to do something out of fear of not doing everything the way you want. Fortunately, there are specific techniques that can help you cope with this behavior and the stress it causes.
    - Remind yourself that you cannot influence the outcome of the situation - only your actions are in your power. You may be so worried about your coursework grade that you are afraid to start working. Remember that you have power over what You you do. You can sit down and write a great paper. Everything else is out of your control.
    - Accept that the ideal is an unrealistic standard. No person can be perfect, and ideas about ideal can be very different. Try to do everything in the best possible way and remember that conclusions about yourself should not be based on the results obtained. For example, a perfectionist student will regard a B+ on a test as a failure because he was unable to achieve a top score. However, another student who is constantly trying to improve will take it differently: he knows that he did his best and can be proud of his efforts, despite the grade.
    - Be careful with the word "should." Statements with the word “should” can prevent you from adequately perceiving things that are beyond your control. For example, you might have the following thought: “A good student should always do everything without mistakes.” However, this is an unrealistic standard that no one can meet. It's better to reframe the thought as: "I can try my best and appreciate my efforts, even if I make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes."
  2. Practice self-awareness. It's impossible to get rid of stress completely, and you probably wouldn't want to anyway. Stress can be a sign that you're putting a lot of effort into the things that matter to you. Self-awareness techniques can help you understand when you experience stress-related sensations and accept them without judging them. This will allow you to stop thinking about stress. Here are some exercises to practice:
  3. Remind yourself of the key factors of self-awareness. It is important to understand what is happening in the current moment, allow the situation to continue, evaluate it soberly and share your emotions and your personality.
    - Recognize that something is actually happening in the present moment. Consciously live this moment. Acknowledge both negative and positive feelings and thoughts.
    - Let the situation develop as it is. This means that you must accept your thoughts and emotions without judging them. There are times when you really want to judge yourself for seemingly negative thoughts or reactions, so try to either avoid or suppress such manifestations. Try to find these thoughts and feelings within yourself and accept them as part of life. For example: “I’m so angry at my husband, but I’m ashamed for yelling at him.”
    - Analyze the situation. At this stage, it is important to express compassion towards yourself and others. Ask yourself what your thoughts and feelings say about your needs right now. For example, if you are angry at your husband and regret yelling at him, you may have negative emotions about both of you: "I'm a bad person because I yelled at him. He makes me angry." Instead, try to approach the situation differently: “I yelled at my husband, and I’m ashamed of it because I love him. I made a mistake, and I admit it. My husband said something that made me angry, but I know that "He loves me too. We can figure this out together."
    - It is important not to take everything that happens personally. This means that you should not make general conclusions based on what happened (for example, “I am a bad person” or “I am a failure”). Your feelings are part of your experience, but they are not you. Explain to yourself that you may have negative feelings and bad things may happen to you, but they should not affect you as a person.
  4. Treat yourself. Sometimes a bubble bath and music are enough to relax.
  5. Write down your thoughts and experiences in a journal. This way you can analyze them in privacy, out of your head.
  6. If you feel like you might lash out at someone because that person is driving you crazy, close your eyes, take a deep breath and count to ten.
  7. Get some sleep. This will allow you to make the right decision. You will understand what is happening more clearly and will not make a mistake in your choice.
  8. You can talk to someone about stress, but if no one is there, write down the reason for your stress in a notebook, and then write it down in your journal.
  9. Distract yourself by playing computer games or watching TV.
  - Don't blame yourself for everything. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the problem cannot be solved. Sometimes giving up on something isn't such a bad thing, so don't give up and put yourself down.
  - Poor response to stress or failure to cope with stress can take years off your life. Not everything is possible, but nothing that needs your attention will change if you just sit there and complain. Effort is an achievement in itself.
  - If you get into the habit of hitting things when you are angry, you will become a violent and aggressive person. It is better to try to dissipate your anger than to take it out on people or things. Never hit a person or other living thing, or make sure that the inanimate object you hit will not harm you.
  - Do not self-medicate. Alcohol and drugs may make you forget everything for a while, but your problems will not go away when you return to reality. Plus, you don't want to add to the problem of addiction. You yourself may not worry about it or be aware of it, but it will affect those close to you.