Norms and rules of decency for men and women are the basis of small talk and behavior in society. What is etiquette

Once upon a time, etiquette, that is, the rules of behavior in society, was taught as a subject in schools. The children were taught this by meticulous tutors. Today this word has lost popularity, however, it does not bother anyone to learn at least the basic rules of behavior at the table, in the theater, in society. In the end, this will greatly ease the situation for you.

Some rules of good manners

Let's look at some situations that will help you feel at ease.

1. Table etiquette

Having invited a lady to a restaurant (or other similar place), the gentleman takes care of her outerwear, helps her take off her coat, puts it in the wardrobe, keeps the number for himself, and does not give it to the lady. (By the way, the same applies to a ticket in a theater, cinema, or in transport. Having bought a ticket for a lady, for example, on a bus, a gentleman keeps it until the end of the trip and gives it to the lady only if he does not see her off to the end, but gets off earlier.)

If the table is not booked in advance, then all negotiations with the head waiter are conducted by a man. Having escorted the girl to the table, the man moves a chair for her, after which he takes his place. If the glasses are not filled by the waiter, then a man does it, having first asked permission. When pouring wine, turn the bottle so that drops do not fall on the tablecloth.

If there are several people at the table, then the eldest woman is poured first. If they drink champagne, then the man pouring it starts with himself, pouring a few drops into his glass, then the eldest lady, then you can simply go in a circle, finishing with your glass.

If you are in a very fancy restaurant where they serve a lot of utensils, for example, there are several forks and knives near the plate, then you start with those that are further from the plate. If the purpose of some devices is not clear to you, then there is nothing wrong with asking the waiter.

If there are unfamiliar people at the table, then it is better to conduct conversations on general topics and not discuss mutual friends. It is not necessary to finish everything that is on the plate, just as it is not necessary to leave pieces. To show the waiter that the plate can be taken away, place the cutlery on the plate “at five o’clock,” that is, approximately where the small hand on the dial is at five o’clock.

2. Etiquette in communication

When introducing yourself to a company, state your name clearly and clearly if no one has introduced you. It is not necessary to shake hands if there are a lot of people, however, if you have done one handshake, you will have to go around everyone present.

Only a woman can give a gloved hand, and only if the glove is thin and not, for example, a knitted mitten.

It happens that a person’s hand is busy or, for example, dirty if he is caught at work, and he holds it out to be shaken on the wrist. This is actually unacceptable.

When greeting, the one who is younger says the greeting first. If we are talking about a man and a woman, then the man greets first. If you are greeted with the words “good afternoon,” then it is rude to respond with the word “good,” you should respond with the full phrase “good afternoon.”

Now let's imagine the following picture: a group of men is standing, a familiar (or unfamiliar) lady approaches them or (passes by). Who should greet first, men or women? The first word of greeting is said by the one who approaches, regardless of whether it is one person or a group, a man or a woman. The one or those who are on site respond to the greeting.

"Hush!" James Tissot, 1875

3. Basics of good manners for every day

The rules of good manners in everyday life include the usual courtesy in communication, the absence of grumbling, endless complaints, the ability to say hello without unnecessary demonstrations, express sympathy, congratulate on the holiday, wish good health, thank and respond to gratitude.

Such rules require that those entering and exiting hold the door, regardless of whether he is walking alone or with someone. If a man follows a girl, then he always lets her go ahead, with the exception of exiting the elevator, going down the stairs from a ship, exiting an airplane or public transport.

L. Afremov

Some prim manners have become obsolete today. For example, it used to be considered correct that a man, having put a woman in a car, closes the car door behind her, and only after that goes to his place. Having arrived at the place, the driver gets up, walks around the car, opens the door, and helps the lady get out. In our time, filled with cars and saturated with haste, it is difficult to imagine people who would be willing and able to fulfill these requirements.

4. How do etiquette rules apply to children?

Just a few years ago, books on education taught young parents that children should not enter into conversations with adults without permission, should not interrupt, and should not speak to guests until they are asked. Today, many teachers believe that this interferes with the development of the child as an individual, that he has the same rights in conversation as an adult. This can be accepted if a child, even a small one, communicates as an adult. But if he whines, cries, tries to manipulate, then this is very annoying. Therefore, parents should limit - not so much the child’s freedom, but their own - by taking care of their own child so that it does not become a burden to others.

All this also applies to those moments when parents and their baby visit restaurants, cafes, museums, and use public transport. The ability to occupy your child so that he feels good and at the same time does not bother others is good manners, as opposed to trying to explain: “This is a child, what can I do with him.”

Should you make comments to someone else's child? No! If you are completely unbearable, then you can make a remark in a very polite form to the child’s parents. But at the same time, you must remember that making a remark is not good manners.

And most importantly, do not forget that the child first of all sees and repeats the behavior of his parents. Don't forget the golden words "Thank you", "Please" and be polite!

Etiquette is the rules of behavior of people in society, which determine what can and cannot be done in certain situations. Knowing etiquette helps you make a good impression on people and build effective communication. This knowledge is especially useful when attending special events.

Many of us feel awkward when we go to an expensive restaurant or attend an important business meeting. This happens because we don’t know exactly how to behave correctly. Basic rules of etiquette will allow you not to fall on your face in any situation.

Rules of behavior in society

Never come to visit without calling. And if you are visited without warning, you can afford to wear a robe and curlers.

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If you accept the invitation, show punctuality - do not say the famous: “I may be a little late.” Be on time. Only a very important person or a star can be more than half an hour late: as you know, they are not late, but delayed.

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It is always better to come to visit or to a party with a gift. It doesn't have to be expensive. Win-win options - wine and desserts. If there are small children in the house, bring something for them too.
The format of greetings upon entry - kisses, hugs, handshakes or other signs of respect - is determined by older guests. Whoever you are - a director, an academician, an elderly woman or a student, when entering the room, say hello first.
The usual rules apply at the table. Eat at the same pace as everyone else.
Certain uncomfortable topics of conversation are best avoided. It is believed that one cannot talk about salary, politics, health, religion. Good topics for casual conversation: sports, weather, cooking, pets, art, science, travel and the like.

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While eating, place the napkin on your lap, and then to the left of the plate. In turn, leave the cutlery on the plate and not on the table.

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Do not place your smartphone on the table in public places. By doing this, you show how important a role this gadget plays in your life and how uninteresting you are in the conversation taking place nearby. It's better not to use your phone at all during dinner.

Always turn on silent mode or turn off your phone completely in the theater, library, cinema, or at a lecture. If you need to make or receive a call, move two or three meters to the side so as not to disturb your friends' conversation.

When receiving guests, make sure that the size of the table matches the number of guests. The tablecloth must be spotless.
The dishes must be from the same set. It is worth choosing all the plates and other items according to material and color.
If the menu has 2 types of dishes and 2 fundamentally different wines, give each guest an extra glass. Don't forget about water glasses.
If someone comes to you for the first time, first show the guest where they can wash their hands and clean themselves up, and then invite them into the living room.
If there are strangers among the guests, you should definitely introduce them to each other. When meeting, they introduce: a man to a woman, those younger in age and position to the elders, those who came later to those already present. In this case, the person you introduce the stranger to is mentioned first, and the one you introduce is mentioned second.
Representatives of the fair sex are not recommended to check or apply makeup during a conversation or at a table, and men are not recommended to comb their hair or touch their hairstyle or beard.
Don't forget to say thank you! Say thank you to the host and, if possible, to others with whom you spoke for an interesting conversation. The host should thank all the guests, mentioning that it was their arrival that made this event special.

Nothing costs us so little or is valued so much as politeness. Rules of etiquette are quite simple and based on common sense. You show politeness to another person, he shows it to you. This way everyone wins.

Modern rules of etiquette are practically no different from the rules of etiquette of past centuries. The pace and way of modern life have made some adjustments.

Of the general rules, we can highlight the ten most relevant and necessary for a decent person to follow.

The first rule of etiquette: polite attitude

As the first rule, we can highlight a polite attitude towards people around us. Acquaintances, nearest and dearest, or complete strangers. And it doesn’t matter where exactly the person is: in a store, public transport, on the street, at work, at home. Always and everywhere you must be able to politely address others.

Second rule of etiquette: greeting

The second rule states that those entering the room must greet first. Whoever it is: a boss, an academician, a president, a simple passer-by, a child. The words of greeting should come from the person entering.

It should be noted that if a companion greets a stranger, the couple should also say words of greeting.

The third rule of etiquette: gratitude

People often forget to say words of gratitude to their closest relatives, loved ones and friends. Taking everything that happens for granted. After all, their care and love is not forced, but from the heart. The third rule of modern etiquette is the word thank you.

The fourth rule of etiquette: decent behavior in public places

When in public places, you should not laugh very loudly. Screaming and judging other people, while pointing fingers.

Fifth rule of etiquette: for drivers

Very often, drivers forget about the rules of decent behavior on the road. You cannot rush through puddles and mud, splashing pedestrians. Slow down, please.

The sixth rule of etiquette: cleanliness and fashion

While in public places, and even at home, a person must take care of personal hygiene. Dress in clean, neat clothes. Wear clean shoes. And you shouldn’t blindly follow fashion. It is better to dress not only fashionably, but beautifully and neatly.

The seventh rule of etiquette: unexpected guests

You cannot visit without an invitation. Be sure to notify us in advance of your visit.

Eighth rule of etiquette: smartphone and other people's SMS

When visiting, at a meeting, in a cafe or restaurant, you should never keep your smartphone on the table. This is a manifestation of complete disrespect for the interlocutor. And this means that virtual communication is more important than live communication.

Rummaging through someone else's phone or pockets in order to read SMS or simple correspondence is extremely impolite and ugly towards a person. This rule applies to both parents in relation to children and spouses.

The ninth rule of etiquette: responding to an insult

Now everyone has a lot of problems and worries. People try to throw all their anger and hatred at others. When faced with rudeness and insult, you just need to smile and move away, leaving the offender with all his anger. Don’t stoop to raising your voice and insulting them in response.

Tenth rule of etiquette: the habit of knocking on a closed door

Parents, as soon as the baby begins to live in a separate room, need to develop the habit of knocking before entering the nursery. Then the children will knock on their parents' bedroom door.

This is not the entire list of rules of modern etiquette, but by adhering to at least these ten, a person can win everyone’s respect. And be called with dignity a cultured and educated member of society.

About 100-200 years ago, great attention was paid to issues of ethics and behavior in society when raising boys and girls. Each noble family considered it their duty to hire a tutor for their son and a governess for their daughter, whose main duty was to teach their children not science, but good behavior. At that time, children learned the rules of etiquette and good manners, as they say, with their mother’s milk. Are they needed today? After all, life now places much more demands on a person related to career achievements and self-improvement than those aimed at forming impeccably courteous relationships between members of society.

Of course, certain etiquette requirements remain. They have become somewhat simplified due to the fast pace of modern life and the abundance of information that must be thought about and used, but they have not disappeared at all. Let's see what kind of person is recognized by the society of the 21st century as polite and well-mannered.

Basic rules of etiquette in society

Norms of behavior in society can be divided into several subsections. These are the rules of conduct:

at work and business meetings;
when attending business events;
at friendly meetings;
visiting.

The very first thing a person who wants to be considered well-mannered should pay attention to is this. If, for example, you said hello on time, shook hands with a friend according to the rules, hastily jump up every time a female person enters a room, know how to conduct small talk in a low voice, and have even learned to sneeze almost unnoticed by others, but at the same time you wear a stale shirt and shoes cleaned last week - you will never be recognized as a person who knows the rules of etiquette. It has long been customary in society to greet people by their clothes.

They probably noticed it like in films about spies: the main character had just successfully shot back, dodging the bullets of twenty bandits, then crossed a swamp, and then ran for a long time through the entire city, because he urgently needed to get to headquarters with a report, and then In the end, his suit didn’t even wrinkle, his shoes shine as if they were polished, and his hair didn’t get out of place? This is how it should be (ideally, of course) for you.

You should wear a suit and a light shirt to work. Women can add some jewelry, but keep it subtle. Recently, dark-colored jeans have been considered acceptable for men. The main thing is that everything should be clean and ironed.

When entering a room, the person who entered is the first to say hello. If you are at work, then the subordinate should be the first to greet the boss, and the junior should be the first to greet the senior. If a woman is in a subordinate position, whose boss is also younger than her, then he should be the first to greet the lady.

Often in small teams a delicate question arises: is it possible and when can one switch to being on first-name terms with colleagues? Previously, it was believed that this was unacceptable, but current etiquette makes it possible to find a solution to the issue, because calling by name greatly simplifies relationships, makes them more trusting, and therefore the entire team more united. But you should switch to “you” only if it suits everyone and does not create awkwardness.

A business meeting most often takes place over a cup of coffee or lunch. The main rule here is not to be late. You should not talk loudly, interrupt your interlocutors, or “interject” into a conversation between two partners without warning. If you want to say something, you need to ask for forgiveness for having to intervene in the conversation, and only after that make your comment.

At friendly meetings everything is somewhat simpler. The rules of good manners here boil down to saying hello to the company upon entering and subsequently behaving in such a way as not to stand out too much from the general background with your behavior. Smile, be friendly, pull up chairs for the ladies, offer them wine (if it’s already time for a feast).

Do not slander or gossip under any circumstances! In general, don’t talk about those who are absent – unless in a positive way. Discussing other people's shortcomings behind the backs of the “heroes of the occasion” is the height of bad manners.

When visiting, say hello first to the hostess, then to the owner. Wait for your hosts to introduce you to the crowd. In general conversations, avoid topics such as politics, money and religion. What can we talk about? Start with something neutral: nature, weather, travel. Anecdotes are also quite appropriate, but preferably not from the series about Lieutenant Rzhevsky. When saying goodbye, thank the hosts for their warm welcome.

Women and girls should be especially attentive to their own behavior in society. After all, they have to conform to men’s idea of the fair half of humanity as gentle, sophisticated and vulnerable creatures in need of male support. Previously, girls were even specially taught the art of fainting, so that a man would not dare to insult them not only by action, but also simply by an immodest word or look. Those who were especially quick fell in such a way as to fall into the arms of a sympathetic subject, after which they successfully got married.

Fortunately, these days the rules of etiquette for girls have become much simpler. They don’t need to run away or slap the gentleman who dares to use the word “passion” in a conversation. There is no need to coyly, refuse tidbits at the table, pretending that they eat less than a bird of heaven, or leave the male company as soon as business conversations begin. But some postulates in order to become a true lady are still worth learning.

A girl must learn to emphasize her own personality. It is better to choose clothes, makeup, and hairstyle closer to the classics if you have a first date.

Accessories also shouldn’t be brutal.

The girl’s task is to make the young man want to protect and take care of her, and not to drink together “for brotherhood.” Therefore, a skirt or dress, a small handbag, and high-heeled shoes will come in very handy.

It won't be so easy for a girl who has been invited to a restaurant by her gentleman. She should know the following:

A well-mannered admirer will invite her to study the menu first.
Before starting dinner, you need to put a napkin on your lap (on your lap).
You shouldn’t greedily drain a glass of wine - you need to drink it several times in small sips.

Of course, it is unacceptable to slurp (even if the soup or roast turns out to be very tasty), or to spit fish bones even on your own plate (they must be carefully and, if possible, unnoticed, removed from your mouth and simply placed on the plate with your hand). You cannot sit and enthusiastically “cut” a fish or meat dish for several minutes in order, so to speak, to immediately prepare it for consumption. Instead, cut it off little by little as needed. The knife should be held in the right hand, the fork in the left.

In fact, these are not all the rules, but you shouldn’t get too hung up on following them perfectly. And remember: if you make a mistake (for example, accidentally spilling red wine on a gentleman’s white shirt), the main thing is not to get confused. A sweet smile and “Oh, I didn’t mean to!” will help you. If he truly loves you, he will forgive you.

Rules of good manners: a few general comments

In general, modern rules of good manners are simple.

Your task is to be able to learn to harmoniously combine naturalness and politeness.

This politeness should in no case become cloying and intrusive. For example, in public transport a man must give way to a lady. You gave in, she doesn’t want to sit down. Don't insist! However, you are still obliged to offer the lady your seat.

When talking, always be attentive to your interlocutor, listen to him, and only then express your opinion, preferably not in a categorical tone, firmly, but politely. Ask questions, give the person a chance to talk.

Don't be rude in response to rudeness. If you are offended, the best response would be an ironic but calm remark made, or simply ignoring the boor.

If you are walking with a companion and meet an acquaintance with whom you start a conversation, introduce your companion and interlocutor so that both do not feel awkward.

Always carry a perfectly clean handkerchief with you. Do you suddenly sneeze or yawn inadvertently? The scarf will serve an invaluable service.

Well, and finally:

Be optimistic and friendly.

Do not walk around with a gloomy face - this causes negative emotions in others. As they say, smile, be simpler - and people will be drawn to you!

A well-mannered person lives in harmony with himself and others. It is impossible to become well-mannered at once, or only in some cases; good manners are not a suit or dress that is stored in the closet until a special occasion. Education either exists or it doesn’t.

What are good manners?

A person is judged not by his clothes, but by his manners, by how he behaves in society, how he treats others, how he speaks and gestures. To summarize completely, good manners are the presence or, conversely, absence of respect for people. The old saying, “Treat people the way you want to be treated,” will probably never get old. You don’t have to read treatises on the ability to behave in society, but simply act in accordance with this proverb, and you will be known as a very pleasant and well-mannered person with refined manners.

Why are good manners needed?

Having good manners is also very useful. We have to communicate with many people every day - at work, in transport, with friends, and the result depends on how friendly this communication is. Without observing at least basic rules of decency, it is difficult to adapt to a new society. You may notice that successful and self-confident people are almost always well-mannered. They often say about people who have achieved their goals, earned recognition, and, at the same time, are calm and restrained: “He has aristocratic manners, it’s pleasant to communicate with him.”

Good manners in modern society

You can often hear that modern society has no time for manners. However, a person who swears loudly, is dressed dirty, or yawns loudly at all times does not cause anything other than rejection. Another thing is that some manners have changed, but have not been lost. Modern manners are based on respect for the other person, but convenience and practicality come to the fore. Eg

Let the woman go ahead and open the door for her. Now the door is opened by whoever is more comfortable, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. If a man with a child appears in front of a girl, naturally she will open the door for him.
Men must give way to women. The same as in the first case - the one for whom it is easier stands, and the woman may well give way to a disabled man.

Rules of good manners

What should you do and how to behave so as not to be considered ignorant? The basic rules of etiquette and good manners are simple: be discreet, friendly, control yourself, and behave naturally.

There is no need to hide from everyone that you are seeing or trying something for the first time. It will be better if you are taught how to do this than to be publicly embarrassed.
Looking good is very important, and it's not about clothes. It is unacceptable to sit with your legs spread wide apart, or to place the ankle of one leg on the knee of the other, to shout loudly and gesticulate widely.
Do not chew gum while talking or look at your watch or mobile phone.
Do not come to visit without warning; if you find people in pajamas in an uncleaned room, you will feel the inconvenience.
Be sure to knock on the room before entering, no matter whether it is the boss’s office or a child’s nursery.
Naturally, you cannot read other people’s letters, and in modern conditions SMS, email messages.
There is no need to talk with your mouth full and, especially, to wipe your mouth with your hands - use a napkin.
Good manners for a girl are to never place her bag on her lap or on the table. A small clutch is allowed, but a fashionable tote bag can only be placed on the floor or can be hung on the back of a chair.

How to deal with manners?

The main sign of bad manners is pointing out to other people their bad manners. It’s better to take a closer look at yourself; you can probably spot a few bad manners.

If you are irritable, flare up over trifles and can be rude in the heat of the moment, try to control yourself. Practice breathing deeper at home, counting during an attack of irritation, use what works best, and gradually it will become a habit.
Bad manners can be caused by ignorance, especially if you are in another country. Take an interest, or better yet, find out in advance how to behave and what the customs are in this area.
If you are inattentive to people, or simply do not notice the need for help, ask, thereby you will be known as an attentive person and gradually get used to showing concern for others.
Write down all your bad habits, manners, ask someone you trust what irritates you, analyze what situations provoke them. At first, you can ask a loved one to gently draw your attention to the manifestation of bad manners; later you will see them yourself and will be able to keep them under control.

How to learn good manners?

Is it possible to learn good manners? How can a woman learn good manners so that the situation does not arise: she seemed beautiful and spiritual until she spoke? Rules of conduct are taught in childhood, but this does not mean that an adult cannot master them.

First of all, learn to be calm. A calm reaction to stimuli contributes to the development of self-control, and self-control will prevent you from losing your temper and committing an act that you may later regret.
Cultivate a positive perception of the world around you. A well-mannered person is not one who will refrain from answering if he is pushed, but one who is not offended by the push at all.
Try not to provoke situations in which a feeling of awkwardness may arise, and if such a situation arose through no fault of yours, create a distracting maneuver.
Remember what irritates you in other people and try not to repeat it.
Be polite in all situations, politeness is the basis of good manners, do not use rude expressions or disdain for people.
Carefully observe those who seem to you to be well-mannered people and try to repeat their actions in different situations.
Watch your speech - do not allow slang expressions or special terms, not to mention outright vulgarisms. The secret of correct speech is simple - read! Especially Russian classical literature, the more you read, the faster your speech will improve, and enough has been written about good manners in books.

Films about good manners

There are films that can help you learn correct behavior:

"How to become a princess"- Is it possible to change your manners and remain yourself.
"Pride and Prejudice"- how to successfully get married without a dowry, but with impeccable manners.
"Kate and Leo"- the sophistication and slowness of the 19th century and the crazy New York of the 20th.
"Miss Congeniality"- Are a policewoman and a good upbringing incompatible?
"The Devil Wears Prada"- what is hidden behind the good manners of a successful lady?
"My Fair Lady"- how to turn into a society lady from an ugly duckling.