Is it necessary on the day of the funeral? Mourning etiquette for guests: advice on what to do and what to do in a mournful hour

The death of a loved one is a relatively sudden phenomenon, because in most cases no one expects it. When this happens, many people are often indignant and confused, not expecting such a turn of events. That is why it is so important to know in advance about some principles and norms of behavior when there is one in the house, so as not to aggravate the already unenviable situation of his loved ones.

It is believed that a person who ties knots in rags at the moment when the coffin with the deceased is taken out of the house brings damage to the family of the deceased!

How to behave in a house with the deceased

Relatives of the deceased should curtain all mirrors, since it is believed that a mirror is an otherworldly portal in which the soul of the deceased, who is at that moment in the house, can get lost. In principle, there is a more sensible approach to this: you should close the mirrors only so that it does not distract anyone. In addition, it is not very pleasant when the coffin with the deceased is reflected in the mirror.

Mourning begins immediately after and is accompanied by clothes in dark or black tones. You should not wear light-colored clothing at this time. Everyone determines for himself how long he needs to remain in a state of mourning. This time has no clear boundaries.

While in the house with the deceased, it is necessary to remove all silver jewelry and things from him. If the deceased was a believer, then it should be placed on his neck.

You should not place a glass of water (or vodka) covered with a piece of bread near the portrait of the deceased. According to legend, the soul of the deceased will never come to this glass, but only demons.

Relatives of the deceased should wash his body only during daylight hours. The water used for washing must be poured into a specially dug hole in a place where people do not walk.

While it is in the house, there is no need to do laundry. This is considered a bad omen. Also, you should not allow someone to sit on it while the coffin with it is in the house.

If someone is afraid to be in the house with the deceased, he should be advised to overcome his fear by holding the feet of the deceased for a while.

Everyone who came to say goodbye to the deceased must remove their hats before entering the house.

The coffin with the deceased, as well as the lid from the coffin, cannot be carried to the relatives of the deceased. It is believed that in this way one can provoke another grief in the family.

Sooner or later, each of us becomes a participant in a difficult but necessary funeral ceremony. Regardless of whether you are a close relative of the deceased or your presence is just a tribute to the rules of decency, it is necessary to cope with emotions and behave correctly at the funeral. If you know the basic rules of funeral etiquette in advance, it will be easier for you later to choose the optimal model of behavior.

Below are a few mandatory rules:

1. Wardrobe. Of course, a funeral is not an event at which smart clothes are appropriate. Give preference to dark tones. Women must have their heads covered. Have several clean handkerchiefs with you.


2. Conversations. In all places of the funeral procession, loud or excited conversations are not allowed, and even more so - laughter is strictly prohibited. It is incorrect to make comments or criticism about the deceased, his relatives or the nuances of organizing a funeral.


3. Help. If you notice that someone is on the verge of an emotional breakdown, offer. Sometimes it is enough to provide; or, on the contrary, to provoke conversation and provoke tears. In some cases, you may be able to secure medical care in a timely manner. Sometimes there is a need for physical assistance when removing the body of the deceased, coffin lid, etc.


4. Tolerance. Relatives and close associates of the deceased may behave overly emotionally at the funeral. Sometimes breakdowns into sobbing and even screaming are possible. This should not cause a negative reaction from other guests. If you yourself find it difficult to restrain your emotions, it is better for them to come out in a secluded place or wait until the end of the public farewell ceremony


5. Wake. You should not show up to a funeral dinner without an invitation. You also do not need to take it with you to the funeral. In the funeral hall, you cannot occupy the place left for the deceased (as a rule, this is a place with clean cutlery, a knife and fork lying on a glass of water, with bread on top). You are not allowed to drink alcohol at a funeral.


6. Honor the memory of the deceased. Memories, condolences, mournful speeches and addresses are expressed in a civil farewell ceremony, at or directly to close relatives.

Whatever your status at the funeral, do not lose your composure. Wisdom and patience to you!

Video on the topic

Related article

Popular beliefs explain the smile of a dead person in a coffin in different ways. Some people say that this portends trouble, others, on the contrary, consider a smile on the face of a deceased person to be a good sign. In any case, this phenomenon is quite rare and unusual.

Why is he smiling?

Pathologists do not see anything supernatural in the smile of the deceased. It is believed that in some people, the facial nerves are pinched and the death throes frozen on the face are mistaken by loved ones for a smile. It is sometimes very difficult for make-up artists to give the deceased a peaceful look, so sometimes the expression on the face of the deceased can inspire truly mystical horror.

By the way, enterprising employees of funeral agencies are already offering a service called: “Creating a smile on the face of the deceased.” For an additional fee, a smiling relative will lie there, bringing peace to the souls of inconsolable relatives like: “Everything is fine with me, I feel good there.” When creating a smile, the pathologist uses 33 muscles on the deceased's face. The smile is recreated literally in detail. For this purpose, lifetime photographs of the deceased are used. Make-up artists use Botox, lifts, air makeup and muscle gluing. Apparently, relatives feel calmer when they see their loved one smiling.

True, sometimes the services of specialists are not required - everything happens by itself. And the ominous grin of some of the dead scares all those present at the farewell ceremony.

Why does a dead man smile in a coffin: mystical version

There is a popular belief that if the deceased smiles in the coffin, this foretells six more deaths in the family. Why exactly six is ​​unclear. However, it is worth noting that families in Russia used to be large. Women gave birth 10–15 times. Infant mortality was high, and it was easy to die from a common cold. In short, life expectancy and the level of medicine in those days left much to be desired. If six people die in a modern family, then most likely there will simply be no one left.

I can say as a very close relative of the person lying in the coffin with a half-smile: No one died after this funeral. Five years have already passed and everyone is alive, so you shouldn’t take such signs to heart and wait for inevitable death.

However, it is also worth noting that there is an alternative interpretation, which is no less widespread among the people. It is believed that if the deceased smiles in the coffin, then he has already managed to fulfill everything that was intended for him in earthly life and goes to God with a clear conscience and an open heart. This interpretation is supported by an incredible incident that occurred on July 1, 2009, when Father Joseph of Vatopedi, one of the most famous elders of our time, the author of many spiritual books, died.

A simply incredible event happened - an hour and a half after his death, he smiled. The most amazing thing is that the elder experienced heart problems and died with a serious expression on his face, and an hour and a half later, the monks were surprised to find a reverent smile on his face, which in no way resembles an involuntary muscle contraction.

No one has yet figured out the nature of this phenomenon. In some cases, stories about facial muscle contractions do not stand up to criticism. In addition, many relatives noticed a phenomenon that really cannot be explained. While the deceased is lying in the coffin, there may be a smile or a grin on his face, which disappears without a trace at the moment when the lid is about to be closed.

Should you be afraid?

It all depends on what feelings relatives and loved ones experienced during the funeral, when they looked at the smiling deceased. For example, it brought me joy. I looked at the peaceful face of my loved one and sincerely believed that all the torment was already behind me, and he had found the long-awaited peace.

If someone was frightened by the smile of a dead man, and then he began to appear or often appear in a dream, then you need to go to church and talk with your spiritual mentor.

Video on the topic

Sources:

• In Novosibirsk they started making smiles for the dead for money
• Smile of the Athonite Elder

After the funeral, the closest people go to the wake to pray at the table for the soul of the deceased and remember him with kind words. But what to do after the funeral and wake? How to behave the day after a funeral? Are there any special rules and what does the church think about this?

Is it possible to watch TV after the funeral?

There is a sign that all mirror surfaces must be covered while the deceased is in the house. They say that this is how we protect souls who can no longer see their reflection. Superstitious people do not watch TV for three days until the body is buried or for 40 days until the last wake. Even the church, despite disagreeing with this sign, believes that for a while it is better to give up entertainment and devote oneself to prayers.

Is it possible to celebrate a birthday after a funeral?

In the first three days after the death of a person, the church insists on devoting itself to reading prayers for the deceased. A lot depends on how close the deceased was to you. Close relatives, as a rule, themselves can refuse to hold a celebration in favor of mourning. If it is a child’s birthday, then, as a rule, it is spent quietly, gifts are given and the family gathers at the table. If your friend or acquaintance has died, then whether to celebrate your birthday or not, you decide for yourself, how and whether it will be a holiday or just a family gathering.

Is it possible to have sex after a funeral?

This question, as a rule, is asked not by close relatives, but by friends or comrades of the deceased. Here everything depends on you, there are no clear boundaries and prohibitions, only your heart. If the person was not close to you, and you came to the funeral only to support someone, then it is likely that your boundaries will be higher. Relatives are in mourning for the first few days and it is likely that they will not have the time for intimacy, this also needs to be understood.

Is it possible to drink after a funeral?

The Church is clearly against drinking alcoholic beverages at funerals and wakes. It is much better to prepare homemade jelly or compote. It is also bad to drink alcohol at all during the first 40 days after death, as this way close people can drown out the pain of loss. But this is not a solution, the pain from drinking alcohol will only intensify, and therefore the church advises you to pray fervently these days so that you have something to occupy yourself with.

Is it possible to have a wedding immediately after a funeral?

It also happens that a relative dies unexpectedly right before the wedding. Typically, people don't cancel an expensive event and go ahead with it anyway. Much depends on the financial status of the family, there is nothing reprehensible in this. The church also does not prohibit weddings even before the 40th day. However, for ethical reasons, the wedding is postponed to more suitable days if possible. Weddings are not held on the 3rd, 9th, 40th days of death, since on these days it is customary to remember the deceased at funeral services. Many people, under such circumstances, do not arrange magnificent celebrations, but sign their names and, for example, go on vacation.

Is it possible to go on vacation after the funeral?

Vacation is not only not forbidden, but also encouraged. However, the church still insists on going on vacation only after the 40th day. Until that time, pray for the soul of the deceased. In addition, until the 40th day it is not customary to have fun and go to entertainment venues, and this is part of the vacation. However, if your vacation, say, involves visiting sacred places or walking in nature, then such a pastime can be good for you and distract you from sad thoughts.

Is it possible to make repairs after a funeral?

Memories of the deceased often come up when you are in his room, but you need to move on with your life and in order to move forward, relatives, as a rule, not only get rid of - they distribute the deceased's things, but also renovate his room. It is customary to make repairs in the room of the deceased no earlier than the 40th day, since at this time, according to the church, the soul can still see our world.

Fear of the unknown is a natural reaction that forces even the most notorious atheist, even to a minimal extent, to believe and adhere to certain rules of behavior during the process, before and after the funeral.

In order to help the soul of the deceased easily leave the material world, you need not only to know the recommendations, but also to understand their deep meaning. Not everyone knows how to behave correctly if such grief occurs in a family. Therefore, we have compiled a detailed article describing the rules of what you can and cannot do.

In Orthodoxy, wakes after death are held 3 times. On the third day after death, on the ninth, fortieth. The essence of the ritual lies in the funeral meal. Relatives and friends gather at a common table. They remember the deceased, his good deeds, stories from his life.

— On the 3rd day after death (on the same day the funeral is held), everyone gathers to honor the memory of the deceased. The Christian is first taken to the funeral ceremony in a church or cemetery chapel. The unbaptized deceased, after saying goodbye to home, are immediately taken to the cemetery. Then everyone returns to the house for the wake. The family of the deceased does not sit at this memorial table.

— In the first seven days after a person’s death, do not take any things out of the house.

— On the 9th day after death, relatives go to the temple, order a memorial service, set a second memorial table at home, and only close relatives are invited to honor the memory of the deceased. The funeral is reminiscent of a family dinner, with the difference that the photo of the deceased is located not far from the refectory table. Next to the photograph of the deceased they place a glass of water or vodka and a slice of bread.

— On the 40th day after the death of a person, a third memorial table is held, everyone is invited. On this day, those who were unable to attend the funeral usually come to the wake. At church I order Sorokoust - forty liturgies.

- From the day of the funeral until the 40th day, remembering the name of the deceased, we must pronounce a verbal formula-amulet for ourselves and all the living. At the same time, the same words are a symbolic wish for the deceased: "Rest in peace to him", thereby expressing wishes for his soul to end up in heaven.

— After the 40th day and over the next three years, we will say a different wish formula: "The kingdom of heaven be upon him". Thus, we wish the deceased an afterlife in paradise. These words should be addressed to any deceased, regardless of the circumstances of his life and death. Guided by the biblical commandment “Judge not, lest ye be judged”.

- During the year following the death of a person, none of the family members has the moral right to take part in any holiday celebration.

- None of the family members of the deceased (including the second degree of kinship) could get married during the period of mourning.

- If a relative of the 1st -2nd degree of relationship has died in the family and not a year has passed since his death, then such a family does not have the right to paint eggs red for Easter (they must be white or some other color - blue, black , green) and accordingly take part in the celebrations of Easter night.

— After the death of her husband, the wife is prohibited from washing anything for a year on the day of the week on which the disaster occurred.

— For a year after death, everything in the house where the deceased lived remains in a state of peace or permanence: repairs cannot be made, furniture can be rearranged, nothing is given away or sold from the deceased’s belongings until the soul of the deceased reaches eternal peace.

- Exactly one year after death, the family of the deceased celebrates a memorial meal (“I please”) - the 4th, final memorial family-tribal table. It must be remembered that the living cannot be congratulated on their birthday in advance, and the final memorial table should be arranged either exactly a year later, or 1-3 days earlier.

On this day you need to go to the temple and order a memorial service for the deceased, go to the cemetery and visit the grave.

As soon as the last funeral meal is completed, the family is again included in the traditional scheme of holiday regulations of the folk calendar, becomes a full member of the community, and has the right to take part in any family celebrations, including weddings.

— A monument can be erected on a grave only after a year has passed after the person’s death. Moreover, it is necessary to remember the golden rule of folk culture: “Do not graze the soil of Pakravou da Radaunschy.” This means if the year of the deceased fell at the end of October, i.e. after the Intercession (and for the entire subsequent period until Radunitsa), then the monument can only be erected in the spring, after Radunitsa.

— After installing the monument, the cross (usually a wooden one) is placed next to the grave for another year, and then thrown away. It can also be buried under a flower bed or under a gravestone.

— You can get married after the death of one of the spouses only after a year. If a woman got married a second time, then the new husband became the full owner-master only after seven years.

— If the spouses were married, then after the husband’s death the wife took his ring, and if she never married again, then both wedding rings were placed in her coffin.

“If a husband buried his wife, then her wedding ring remained with him, and after his death, both rings were placed in his coffin, so that when they met in the Kingdom of Heaven, they could say: “I brought our rings with which the Lord God crowned us.”

— For three years, the birthday of the deceased and the day of his death are celebrated. After this period, only the day of death and all annual church holidays commemorating ancestors are celebrated.

Not all of us know how to pray, much less know prayers for the dead. Learn a few prayers that may help your soul find peace after an irreparable loss.

Visiting a cemetery throughout the year

During the first year and all subsequent years, you can go to the cemetery only on Saturdays (except for the 9th, 40th day after death and church holidays honoring ancestors, such as Radunitsa or Autumn Grandfathers). These are church-recognized days of remembrance of the dead. Try to convince your relatives that they should not constantly visit the grave of the deceased, as they are harming their health.
Visit the cemetery before 12 noon.
The way you come to the cemetery is the same way you return.

• Meat Saturday is the Saturday in the ninth week before Easter.
• Ecumenical Parental Saturday is the Saturday in the second week of Lent.
• Ecumenical Parental Saturday is the Saturday in the third week of Lent.
• Ecumenical Parental Saturday is the Saturday in the fourth week of Lent.
• Radunitsa - Tuesday in the second week after Easter.
• Trinity Saturday is the Saturday in the seventh week after Easter.
• Dmitrievskaya Saturday - Saturday in the third week after.

How to dress appropriately for a death anniversary?

Clothes for a death anniversary are of no small importance. If you are planning a trip to the cemetery before the funeral dinner, you should take weather conditions into account. To attend church, women need to prepare a headdress (scarf).

Dress formally for all funeral events. Shorts, deep necklines, bows and ruffles will look indecent. It is better to exclude bright, variegated colors. Business, office suits, closed shoes, formal dresses in muted tones are an appropriate choice for a funeral date.

Is it possible to make repairs after a funeral?

According to signs not related to Orthodoxy, repairs in the house where the deceased lived cannot be done within 40 days. No changes can be made to the interior. In addition, all belongings of the deceased must be thrown away after 40 days. And on the bed on which a person died, his blood relatives are generally not allowed to sleep. From an ethical point of view, repairs will only refresh the state of those grieving. It will help you get rid of things that remind you of the person. Although many, in memory of a departed loved one, strive to keep something that belonged to him. According to signs, this is again not worth doing. Therefore, repair will be a good solution in all cases.

Is it possible to clean up after a funeral?

While the deceased is in the house, you cannot clean or take out the trash. According to legends, it is believed that the rest of the family members will die. When the deceased is removed from the house, the floor must be thoroughly washed. Blood relatives are prohibited from doing this. The Orthodox Church also denies this point and considers it superstition.

A funeral is a place where the spirit of the deceased is present, where the living and the afterlife come into contact. At a funeral you should be extremely careful and careful. It’s not for nothing that they say that pregnant women should not go to funerals. It is easy to drag an unborn soul into the afterlife.

Funeral.
According to Christian rules, the deceased should be buried in a coffin. In it he will rest (keep) until the future resurrection. The grave of the deceased must be kept clean, respectful and orderly. After all, even the Mother of God was placed in a coffin, and the coffin was left in the grave until the day when the Lord called His Mother to Himself.

The clothes in which a person died should not be given to either one’s own or strangers. Mostly it is burned. If relatives are against this and want to wash their clothes and put them away, then that is their right. But it should be remembered that under no circumstances should these clothes be worn for 40 days.

CAUTION: FUNERAL...

The cemetery is one of the dangerous places; damage is often caused in this place.

And often this happens unconsciously.
Magicians recommend keeping several in memory practical advice and warnings, then you will be reliably protected

• A woman came to one healer and said that after, on the advice of a neighbor, she threw out the bed of a deceased woman (sister), serious problems began in her family. She shouldn't have done that.

• If you see the deceased in a coffin, do not mechanically touch your body - tumors may appear that will be difficult to cure.

• If you meet someone you know at a funeral, greet them with a nod rather than a touch or handshake.

• While there is a dead person in the house, you should not wash the floors or sweep them, as this can bring disaster to the whole family.

• To preserve the body of the deceased, some recommend placing needles crosswise on his lips. This will not help preserve the body. But these needles can fall into the wrong hands and will be used to cause damage. It is better to put a bunch of sage grass in the coffin.

• For candles you need to use any new candlesticks. It is especially not recommended to use dishes from which you eat for candles at a funeral, even used empty cans. It’s better to buy new ones, and once you’ve used them, get rid of them.

• Never put photographs in a coffin. If you listen to the advice “so that he himself does not exist” and bury a photo of the entire family with the deceased, then soon all the photographed relatives risk following the deceased.

source

FUNERAL SIGNS AND RITUALS.

There are many beliefs and rituals associated with the death and subsequent burial of the deceased. Some of them have survived to this day. But do we suspect their true meaning?
According to Christian custom, the dead person should lie in the grave with his head to the west and feet to the east. This is how, according to legend, the body of Christ was buried.
Even in relatively recent times, there was a concept of a “Christian” death. It implied mandatory repentance before death. In addition, cemeteries were established at church parishes. That is, only members of this parish could be buried in such a graveyard.

If a person died “without repentance” - say, took his own life, became a victim of murder or an accident, or simply did not belong to a particular parish, then a special burial order was often established for such deceased. For example, in large cities they were buried twice a year, on the feast of the Intercession of the Virgin Mary and on the seventh Thursday after Easter. Special places were allocated for the storage of such remains, called Poor Houses, pitiful houses, riots, rotting places or poor women . They set up a barn there and built a huge common grave in it. The bodies of those who died a sudden or violent death were brought here - of course, provided that there was no one who could take care of their burial. And at that time, when there was no telephone, telegraph or other means of communication, the death of a person on the road could mean that his loved ones would never hear from him again. As for wanderers, beggars, and executed people, they automatically fell into the category of “clients” of the Poor Houses. Suicides and robbers were also sent here.
During the reign of Peter I, dissected corpses from hospitals began to be brought to the poor houses. By the way, illegitimate children and orphans from shelters kept at Poor Houses were also buried there - this was the practice then... The dead were guarded by a guard called "God's house" .
In Moscow there were several similar “corpse storage facilities”: for example, at the Church of St. John the Warrior, on the street, which was called Bozhedomka , at the Church of the Assumption of the Mother of God on Mogiltsy and at the Pokrovsky Monastery on Poor Houses. On the appointed days, a religious procession with a memorial service was held here. The burial of “those who died without repentance” was carried out using donations from pilgrims.
Such a terrible practice was stopped only at the end of the 18th century, after Moscow was subjected to a plague epidemic and there was a danger of the infection spreading through unburied corpses... Cemeteries appeared in cities, and the burial procedure at church parishes was abolished. There were also many customs, signs and rituals, concerning the departure of the deceased on his last journey. Among the Russian peasants, the deceased was placed on a bench, with his head in "red corner" where the icons hung, they covered it with a white canvas (shroud), folded their hands on their chest, and the dead man had to “hold” a white handkerchief in his right hand. All this was done so that he could appear before God in the proper form. It was believed that if the dead man’s eyes remained open, then this supposedly meant the imminent death of someone else close to him. Therefore, they always tried to close the eyes of the dead - in the old days, for this purpose, copper coins were placed on them.
While the body was in the house, a knife was thrown into a tub of water - this allegedly prevented the spirit of the deceased from entering the room. Until the funeral, no one was lent anything - not even salt. The windows and doors were kept tightly closed. While the deceased was in the house, pregnant women were not allowed to cross his threshold - this could have a bad effect on the child... It was customary to close the mirrors in the house so that the deceased would not be reflected in them...
It was necessary to put underwear, a belt, a hat, bast shoes and small coins in the coffin. It was believed that things could be useful to the deceased in the next world, and the money would serve as payment for transportation to the kingdom of the dead... True, at the beginning of the 19th century. this custom took on a different meaning. If during a funeral a coffin with previously buried remains was accidentally dug up, then money was supposed to be thrown into the grave - a “contribution” for the new “neighbor”. If a child died, they always put a belt on him so that he could collect fruits in the Garden of Eden in his bosom...
When the coffin was carried out, it was supposed to touch the threshold of the hut and the entryway three times in order to receive a blessing from the deceased. At the same time, some old woman showered the coffin and those accompanying with grains. If the head of the family - the owner or mistress - died, then all the gates and doors in the house were tied with red thread - so that the household would not leave after the owner.

They buried him on the third day, when the soul should have finally flown away from the body. This custom has survived to this day, as well as the one that instructs everyone present to throw a handful of earth onto the coffin lowered into the grave. The earth is a symbol of purification; in ancient times it was believed that it absorbed all the filth that a person had accumulated during his life. In addition, among the pagans, this rite restored the connection of the newly deceased with the entire family.
In Rus', it has long been believed that if it rains during a funeral, the soul of the deceased will fly safely to heaven. Like, if the rain cries for a dead man, it means he was a good person...
Modern wakes were once called funeral feasts. This was a special ritual designed to facilitate the transition to another world. For the funeral feast, special funeral dishes were prepared: kutya, which is hard-cooked rice with raisins. Kutya is supposed to be treated to a meal in the cemetery immediately after the burial. Russian funerals are also not complete without pancakes - pagan symbols of the Sun.
And these days, during wakes, they place a glass of vodka on the table, covered with a crust of bread, for the deceased. There is also a belief: if any food falls from the table at a wake, then you cannot pick it up - this is a sin.
On forties, honey and water were placed in front of the icons so that the deceased would have a sweeter life in the next world. Sometimes they baked a staircase the length of an arshin from wheat flour to help the deceased ascend to heaven... Alas, now this custom is no longer observed.

The world is changing, and so are we. Many are returning to the Christian faith for consolation and hope. It has become customary to celebrate Christian holidays.
Christmas, Epiphany, Holy Trinity, Parents' Days... However, either out of ignorance or for other reasons, old traditions are often replaced by new ones.

Unfortunately, today there are no issues more shrouded in all kinds of speculation and prejudice than issues related to the burial of the dead and their commemoration.
What the all-knowing old ladies won’t say!

But there is appropriate Orthodox literature, which is not difficult to acquire. For example, in all Orthodox parishes of our city they sell
brochure "Orthodox Commemoration of the Dead", in which you can find answers to many questions.
The main thing that we MUST understand: deceased loved ones first of all need
in prayers for them. Thank God, in our time there is a place to pray. In every district of the city
Orthodox parishes have been opened and new churches are being built.

This is what is said about the funeral meal in the brochure “Orthodox Commemoration”
deceased:

In the Orthodox tradition, eating food is a continuation of worship. Since early Christian times, relatives and acquaintances of the deceased gathered together on special days of remembrance in order to ask the Lord in joint prayer for a better fate for the soul of the deceased in the afterlife.

After visiting the church and cemetery, the relatives of the deceased arranged a memorial meal, to which not only relatives were invited, but mainly those in need: the poor and needy.
That is, a wake is a kind of alms for those gathered.

The first dish is kutya - boiled wheat grains with honey or boiled rice with raisins, which are blessed at a memorial service in the temple.

There should be no alcohol at the funeral table. The custom of drinking alcohol is an echo of pagan funeral feasts.
Firstly, Orthodox funerals are not only (and not the main thing) food, but also prayer, and prayer and a drunken mind are incompatible things.
Secondly, on the days of remembrance, we intercede with the Lord for the improvement of the afterlife fate of the deceased, for the forgiveness of his earthly sins. But will the Supreme Judge listen to the words of drunken intercessors?
Thirdly, “drinking is joy of the soul.” And after drinking a glass, our mind scatters, switches to other topics, grief for the deceased leaves our hearts, and quite often it happens that by the end of the wake, many forget why they gathered - the wake ends with an ordinary feast with a discussion of everyday problems and political news, and sometimes worldly songs.

And at this time, the languishing soul of the deceased waits in vain for prayerful support from his loved ones. And for this sin of unmercifulness towards the deceased, the Lord will exact from them at His judgment. What, compared to this, is condemnation from neighbors for the absence of alcohol at the funeral table?

Instead of the common atheistic phrase “May he rest in peace,” pray briefly:
“O Lord, rest the soul of Your newly departed servant (name), and forgive him all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant him the Kingdom of Heaven.”
This prayer must be performed before starting the next dish.

There is no need to remove forks from the table—there is no point in doing so.

There is no need to place cutlery in honor of the deceased, or even worse, place vodka in a glass with a piece of bread in front of the portrait. All this is the sin of paganism.

Particularly a lot of gossip is caused by curtaining mirrors, supposedly in order to avoid the reflection of the coffin with the deceased in them and thereby protect against the appearance of another deceased in the house. The absurdity of this opinion is that the coffin can be reflected in any shiny object, but you can’t cover everything in the house.

But the main thing is that our life and death do not depend on any signs, but are in the hands of God.

If funeral services take place on fast days, then the food should be fast.

If the commemoration took place during Lent, then commemorations are not held on weekdays. They are postponed to the next (forward) Saturday or Sunday...
If the memorial days fell on the 1st, 4th and 7th weeks of Lent (the strictest weeks), then the closest relatives are invited to the funeral.

Memorial days falling on Bright Week (the first week after Easter) and on Monday of the second Easter week are transferred to Radonitsa - Tuesday of the second week after Easter (Parents' Day).

Funerals on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days are organized for relatives, relatives, friends and acquaintances of the deceased. You can come to such funerals to honor the deceased without an invitation. On other days of remembrance, only the closest relatives gather.
It is useful these days to give alms to the poor and needy.

Any person at least once in his life is faced with the need to organize a funeral for someone. Each of us must be ready to take on such a difficult mission as burying a person. The procedure and general scheme for preparing all the necessary documents especially for you are in our article.

What to do if a person dies?

In the event of a person's death, the first thing to do is call a doctor. The order of necessary actions when a person dies due to natural causes is as follows: first try to personally assess the condition of the supposed deceased, and then you should call a doctor from the clinic to establish the fact of death. Any ambulance team also has the authority to die and issue appropriate certificates. Attention: if you have even the slightest hope that the person is still alive, when calling doctors, give the reason “the patient is unconscious.” In this case, the ambulance will arrive faster; most likely, experienced specialists who can carry out

Having declared a medical death, doctors give the relatives a corresponding document. Doctors are also required to arrange for the body to be delivered to the morgue and call the police. Accordingly, the answer to the question: “What to do immediately after the death of a person?” - like this: first of all, call a doctor.

Obtaining a death certificate

Depending on the circumstances under which the person died, the doctor who established the fact of death sends the body to the morgue for storage until the funeral or a forensic medical examination. A pathological examination is mandatory if the cause of death is murder or personal injury. In case of natural death, an autopsy is usually not ordered or this issue is discussed with the next of kin of the deceased. A death certificate is issued the next day after the fact of death is established. To obtain it, you must contact the registry office at the place of registration of the deceased with his passport and medical certificate.

But what to do if death occurred under unusual or criminal circumstances, how to bury a person? The procedure in such a situation may change slightly. Relatives will be able to receive a body for burial and a death certificate only with permission from the prosecutor's office. This document is issued after the cause of death has been established and all necessary research has been carried out.

Ritual agents and services

Very often, almost simultaneously with the doctors called to recognize the fact of death, funeral service employees arrive. Such ritual agents are often called “black” and openly criticized for high prices and excessive intrusiveness. It's difficult to stay calm immediately after the death of a loved one, but try to be as calm as possible. You are not obligated to agree to an agency employee's proposals just because he has already knocked on your door. Moreover, you can simply not start negotiations with a specialist whom you did not call.

Do you need the help of specialized agencies in organizing a funeral? This is an individual question. Firms working in this area can really take on all the troubles. Only you will have to pay for their services separately. If you want to avoid unnecessary expenses and you have enough strength to do everything yourself, you can do without cooperation with funeral companies. We hope that the instructions for the first steps when a person has died, and the tips for organizing a funeral collected in our article, will help you with this.

Funeral arrangements

Find the strength within yourself to notify all those closest to you about the person’s death as soon as possible. You should also promptly contact relatives from other cities or on business trips. Arranging a funeral begins with choosing a burial method and purchasing a plot in a cemetery/space in a columbarium. This should be done as soon as the day and time the body is released is known. The issue of conducting various funeral rites should be delicately discussed with the immediate family of the deceased. If you are planning to organize a funeral according to Christian traditions, you can contact the church directly or a specific priest with the question: “How to bury a person?”

It is better to write down the procedure on the day of farewell for yourself on paper. It is necessary to prepare clothes for the deceased in advance and take them to the morgue. There, if desired, you can order mummification and make-up services. A coffin and the necessary ritual accessories are purchased separately; you should also take care of organizing the transportation of the deceased and ordering transport for the funeral. According to old traditions, the deceased must spend the night in his home or church. Today, many people refuse to perform such rituals and, after taking the deceased from the morgue, they take him to the funeral service in the temple or directly to the cemetery/crematorium.

Is it necessary to organize a funeral?

Planning a farewell to the deceased should be based on the specifics of the current situation and the traditions familiar to your family. Try to decide at the initial stages of organizing a funeral how many people will accompany the deceased on his last journey. In such a situation, it is not customary to persistently invite someone or prohibit them from coming. The relatives of the deceased and friends are informed about the date and time of the funeral. It is appropriate to inform your work colleagues as well. In our country it is customary to organize a funeral. This is a lunch organized at the deceased's home or cafe/restaurant, which is held immediately after the burial. During the meal, the deceased is remembered in every possible way and a number of rituals are performed. It is not customary to give up completely. In the company of several close relatives, it would be more appropriate to arrange a symbolic wake. For example, just have lunch together, without organizing a magnificent multi-hour feast and performing only the most important rituals.

How to bury a person: procedure in Moscow to receive social benefits

Immediately after the death of a close relative, few people think about the financial side of the issue. And yet, within six months after these events, the person involved in organizing the funeral must submit documents to receive this payment. This payment is made by the employing organization for employed persons, the Pension Fund for pensioners or social security authorities for the unemployed and minors. If a serviceman or law enforcement officer dies, relatives will not have to think about how to bury the person. The procedure in this case changes, and funeral arrangements should begin by contacting the department where the deceased served/was employed. To receive funeral compensation for the death of civilians, you should contact the appropriate organization with the collected package of documents. You can apply for benefits if you have a death certificate, work book and passport of the applicant.