Indian astrology "Moon House" - Your alternative zodiac sign. Alternative sex horoscope

Decoration of the sign - attacks of bad mood and selfishness. Look into the eyes of your Aries friend carefully - the person has been exhausted for a long time... Aries men adore sex and are confident in their Sexual Professionalism. They go crazy in bed, if you manage to get there, of course. If you have an Aries lover, get ready to copulate with him in the elevator, on the bus, and in the cinema. Anything will suit him in bed - he still sees only himself and tries in the same right direction. Don’t be alarmed, many young ladies consider Aries a real paradise for the fair sex... If he lacks sex, then he becomes vulgar and all his thoughts are occupied with only one thing: how to fuck someone. Aries' OWN OPINION on any (even unfamiliar) subject will be defended to the last. Even if he knows that he is wrong, he will still argue and swear out of principle. Aries the loser is a terrible bore and grumbler, from whom you need to stay away.

Well-mannered Sheep are straightforward and unceremonious in close communication. They love to fuck, push men around and read romantic porn, and generally love stories with a happy ending. In bed they love obscene poses and expressions. In the morning, the Sheep can easily pretend that it was not she who screamed yesterday during orgasm and, it seems, you are strangers. If a man is intellectually inferior to her, then most likely things will not come to bed because of Ovensha’s contempt for the stupid gentleman. In anger or resentment, she will do any stupid thing - including cheating with the first handsome guy she meets. He is capricious like a child, crying and stamping his feet. For the sake of good sex, a chaste Sheep will easily leave a good man, but will tolerate the antics of some cretin, as long as he completely satisfies her. Confident in their unwritten beauty, Aries rarely overuse cosmetics. Expect violent sexual turmoil, jealousy, betrayal and intolerance; in general, you will not regret it.

"Navel of the Earth" Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

The strengths of the sign are suspicion and despotism. The Taurus man thinks to himself: “Unlike some, I can achieve everything anyway if I want. Why bother in vain?” A sense of humor is not valued by these slow-moving people, which is why they often become the butt of jokes from their many friends, which they deeply hate in their hearts. It's nice that Taurus are too lazy to get angry. Some bad habit (for example, breaking fingers or fiercely picking their ears) brightens up their long thoughts about how to save money. Taurus is a copycat. And he imitates those who have achieved greater success, and considers the point of view acquired in early childhood to be the only correct one. Forever. If Taurus starts drinking or, if he’s lucky, taking drugs, it’s not easy for him to stop. So they should stay away from everything good. The idyll of Taurus: like a trophy seal, he lies on the sofa near the TV, leisurely chewing or sipping, thoughtfully fiddling with his hair.

Have you contacted a polygamous Taurus Woman? You are terribly lucky and the boredom will end! Her feigned calm will soon turn into a scene with breaking dishes on your beautiful head. They themselves are then scared to what extent they become brutal. If you screw up, it won't be easy to beg her forgiveness. Between us, Taurus women, just like all of us, are no strangers to obsessive thoughts about sex (they get bored with one man), which they clumsily cover up with banal romantic tales. In moments free from scandals and worries, they like to gossip. In other words, if you would like to have a strong family and a bunch of children, look for a huge Taurus Woman and get ready for happiness. Try to underfeed her a little and not give her everything so that she doesn’t lose interest in sex and life. You will have a good time together.

Fussy Gemini (May 22 - June 20)

Always clean and tidy, Geminis are the leaders among perverts and informals because of their desire to try EVERYTHING. They masterfully torment their loved ones and friends in fits of bad mood. They tend to be constantly absorbed in some (and always different) Idea. Geminis must deceive and be deceived. If they know what it is, then they suffer from claustrophobia to a greater or lesser extent. Geminis always hang out from place to place, changing friends, professions, despising schedules. They love to fool people, stir things up and make fun of people. Conceit is at the highest level, although they can list their shortcomings for hours. Don't try to win a verbal battle with them - they have a great tongue. Don’t be offended by their cruel jokes, it’s all a complete circus - in fact, envious Geminis think much worse about you. Like a true friend, a Gemini will immediately call you when he needs your help or a car. Property slips through your fingers, the future with them is unreliable, but the present is funny. Beware if your partner is a Gemini: if he is not with you now, he is probably flirting with your girlfriend in the next room. After your Gemini boyfriend, men will seem a little fresh to you for a long time.

Although Geminis tend to fuck with anyone in their youth, they are generally considered cold. They fall in love easily, but love is not enough, it carries you somewhere past. It happens that they also become attached to people, if there is no one else. Their new ideas and eccentric antics will drive any greedy Capricorn or sleepy Taurus crazy. With them you could make all your vile sexual dreams come true, if only you could fulfill at least a quarter of their mercantile fantasies. Rarely telling the truth face to face, Geminis prefer to speak in half-hints if there is no way to simply lie. The loss of her boyfriend awakens Gemini's sportive interest in getting him back, and the disappearance of her favorite hairpin makes her hysterical. Spiritual intimacy and money are more important to her than sex, but she will willingly sleep with a man she likes (even if her husband or boyfriend is sleeping in the next room). Like any ideal life partner, Gemini prefers a career to housekeeping.

Suspicious Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

The decoration of the sign is hypocrisy and isolation. The mood changes depending on the Moon and the wind, mostly towards the worse. Their deep inner world still remains a mystery to everyone, including, of course, the crayfish themselves. Cancer is eloquent, lazy, but erotic. Favorite sexual fantasy is rape. Always with money, but at the same time whines. He considers women inferior, but prefers young ones. At the same time, he is interested in everyone else, without exception (except for the disabled and ugly), and at the same time he imagines a lot of things. Ask him about this on occasion... He tends to become attached to one, renegotiates it for a long time and then painfully experiences the breakup (sometimes even for a whole month). If he is contradicted, he may become furious and even briefly blush with anger. In anger one becomes a little unpleasant. No one will play you such an insulted “virtue” when in fact it is to blame, like Cancer. He gets entangled in three pines himself and at the same time confuses everyone around him. A typical mama's boy - as mom said, so it will be. In general, good luck, ladies (and gentlemen?).

There is nothing more boring and whiny than the gentle Cancer Woman. If you feel sorry for her, the snot will spread to her knees. Drinking psychiatrists are scratching their heads over her collection of complexes and prejudices. She is terrified of criticism, especially if they make fun of her at the same time. Just one hint of insufficient interest in her - and Rakinya is in the abyss of such depressions that neither Pisces nor Scorpios have ever dreamed of... However, do not think that this is a weak woman - she is not only vengeful and touchy, but also loves (and CAN) play on our weaknesses, dear ones! And she achieves considerable success in this matter... In sex, she is aroused by the role of an innocent girl who is possessed by a dissolute man. And also, don’t swear at her uselessly - in this case you can achieve something only with affection.

Jealous Leos (July 23 - August 22)

Leos love life, love to sleep, spend money and consider themselves unsurpassed, suffering in the pornography around them. Leos are terribly proud of the fact that they are LIONS, and not some Pisces or anything else. The arrogant Leo is too generous to remember insults or promises. After all, he is a true Man of the Word (since he speaks almost all the time), and he will definitely fulfill his promise, if he does not forget. Proud Leo does not like conflicts, but has a talent for getting into all sorts of troubles and stories. The worst thing Leo can do is bark, and his happiness is to play big in the casino. In bed he always tries to prove that he is the most tireless lover. Or maybe that’s how it is, the flattered, pretty girls think...

The vain and domineering Lioness has an enviable talent for inventing her own misfortunes. When her pride is hurt, she will not make any malicious plans, but will simply immediately express what she thinks about you and pout. The romantic Lioness often falls in love with men who don’t care about her at all. Having felt love from her partner, she can mercilessly abandon him... The Lioness modestly considers herself the center of the universe and her motto is simple - “You must come to me yourself.” She is very nervous about her appearance and would rather miss an important event than show up with a pimple. She is terrified of old age and reacts very painfully to every new microscopic wrinkle. Don’t even think about criticizing the Lioness!!! It will be worse for you... Do you want to please? Buy her some more expensive scrofula and tell her that she has the character (face) of an angel, that you don’t need anyone except her. Three or four days a week, the Lioness is “loaded” with depression, and the rest of the time she rightly considers herself a gift from fate for you, my friend.

Pedantic Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Give Virgos freedom to criticize!!! Fact: some Virgos do not drink, believing that it is harmful to the liver. They love to work, although the ultimate goal of work (and life) is vague; they love to read, immediately forgetting what they read. They don’t show their emotions, even if they have them, but when they are drunk, they will cry to you about their first love, who, naturally, was the strongest, the realest and most certainly unhappy, they will tell you fables from their lives, which they themselves seem to believe . It’s lucky that Virgos usually don’t become big bosses, because they have a cash register in their head and they only like to work until they’re exhausted. Women, be careful: sweet-tongued Virgos know When and What you need to say, but don’t be fooled, these are just manifestations of gallantry towards the entire female sex in general. Things usually don’t go beyond words. According to experienced women, sometimes among Virgos there are technical lovers and the romanticism in sex with him will be no less than in masturbation. Virgos also like to pretend to be just friends if things don’t work out.

Among the stubborn and self-confident Virgos there are many unmarried ladies, since it is difficult for them to find a person who meets their highest standards. Their favorite answer is an objection. The desire for purity is enhanced by the constant readiness to criticize you for your own good. However, Virgos are capable of sharing the roof with slackers and losers, with whom not a single decent Gemini would even sit down at the table. (A constant object of criticism nearby?) Virgos have enough fantasy in sex for no more than three and a half poses, although they can be persuaded to do almost anything, thanks to the absence of complexes in this regard... Get to know a Virgo, at least in order to get to know yourself from the outside. And virgins are ready to fall in love with telegraph poles, while they themselves die of self-pity.

Smiling Libra (September 23 - October 22)

When the decision is made, there is simply no one more decisive than Libra, but usually it’s still too late. The phrase “All life is a theater, all people in it are actors” is about them playing their role even in complete solitude. It's easy to guess Libra by the dimples on their cheeks. Libra men see through complex abstractions more easily than everyday life; they see all the shortcomings very well, but do not speak out loud about it. A woman who decides to make a scene for them may consider it won even before the start, due to the latter’s aversion to scandals... Even if they are right in the argument, they will not prove it, but most likely retreat, maintaining peace of mind. However, among women there is an opinion that Libra men are Hemorrhagic.

Since childhood, the Libra woman has been confident in her irresistibility and uniqueness. “Why do I, so beautiful and smart, need these unpleasant responsibilities, it’s beneath my dignity!” - she thinks, absentmindedly doubting. A sexual lover gets on her nerves over time; while kissing, she scatters the landscape and gets a little bored, but if there is no admirer at the moment, she gets lost. Is she even interested in men, you ask? Yes. Interested. But mostly as admiring fans, spectators, or at worst listeners. When the proper applause is given on time, any ramblings of the roommate will be heard and sins forgiven. If it is inconvenient to introduce her man to acquaintances, then either he will have to find some kind of sluggish Pisces, or she will have to change her acquaintances. Moreover, she will also need to decide to hesitate. Don't give orders to Libra - it's useless. And don’t bother with questions - they are secretive and don’t really like to lie.

Treacherous Scorpios (October 23 - November 22)

An interesting feature of Scorpios: what is considered a flaw in all people can be regarded as a great advantage and even be a source of pride. The vindictive and narcissistic Scorpio struggles fiercely all his life, being active in sex until a very old age. Despising the snot of weaklings, he does not tolerate objections and excuses, actively showing his inappropriate enthusiasm. Never cries into his vest. Knowing everything in advance, he achieves success in any field, kicking the whiners and the insecure. Loyalty is an empty phrase, although he always takes care of his unhappy family. He doesn’t count money, but he remembers very well how many times they forgot to rejoice at his gift. To the pleasant traits you can also add stubbornness and inability to take other people’s opinions into account. In the middle of life, Scorpio men usually noisily divorce their exhausted wives. Enemies, do not expect forgiveness!!! Only death or failure will save you from the Evil Uncle Scorp...

The insidious Scorpio is depraved, despises tight-fisted gentlemen, and is demanding in the bedroom - it is difficult for lazy males to comply. She doesn’t make small talk with a loser who left her unsatisfied. It's funny that in her heart Scorpio is absolutely sure that other women in terms of sex are ZERO compared to her. That's why she gets so mad if they cheat on her, unless, of course, she doesn't care. Scorpio hates lies, although she herself will lie to you like crazy. She will, without hesitation, take her boyfriend or husband away from her unwary friend. To any new personality the reaction is something like: “Whose slave are you going to be?!” Scorpio's rage defies description - THIS is a must see, and if you like thrills, get angry. Some even marry them, it’s unclear what they’re hoping for...

Romantic Sagittarius (November 23 - December 20)

Fanaticism and modesty. I recommend reading Sagittarius's opinions about themselves... Assertive Sagittarians are distinguished by an excellent barracks-like sense of humor and a medieval gallantry that is surprising in our time. Women praise passionate Sagittarius lovers for their sensitivity and ability to ignite the lights of the big city in a local bed. They actively despise female jealousy and do not miss a single skirt - of any age, appearance and behavior. Sagittarians love to talk about high topics and adore black clothes. They rarely drink (they mostly drink), and in their old age they write memoirs that are fictitious from cover to cover. Among the Sagittarius men, I most often came across those who were puffy, sweaty, and had faces that were useless to shave and scary to hit.

The Shooter woman is a Casanova in a skirt, carefreely moving from one man to another. She is vain and considers herself a sexual gift to a man. Without being ashamed, she will tell her lover about his predecessors, and if she is disappointed in him, she will say so without hesitation... It’s funny that men, as a rule, cheat on them with terrible force. A Sagittarius woman is the dream of a romantic or a pervert, because she is the way a man sees her, if of course she wants him.

Ambitious Capricorns (December 21 - January 20)

Despots and tyrants, and if something happens, they also “load” to the fullest. Positive qualities: They will drive anyone crazy with their whining. The Capricorn man is ambitious and lustful. Petty, but boring. He rightly considers all women slutty and actively prefers anal sex... Confident that he knows life 100 times better, he tirelessly picks our brains, teaching us what and how to do. When the teachings dry up, he can philosophize for hours on a wide variety of topics. He will pleasantly amaze you with his redneckness. Capricorn believes that the main goal of those around him is to complicate his already difficult life. If he is seriously offended by someone, this worthless little man will be deleted from the list forever. FOREVER. If you are lucky, he will definitely marry for convenience.

The complexed Capricorn is careful and outwardly keeps herself in control, but inside the fire of her passions rages. A suspicious, over-emotional person, a complete bundle of exposed nerves, constant mood swings. Once a week, a long, but very violent hysteria for release. She is not bored alone with herself, as she is constantly busy looking for problems where there are none. Either everything or nothing - this is the simple choice Capricorns present to us... They are deathly afraid of falling in love, looking forward to real feelings, but they often make mistakes in their choice. "I have to be myself!" - the calculating and prim Madame Capricorn repeats to herself. After numerous love affairs, she finally gets married, but she will never be completely satisfied. At times you hate her and, under the fire of her benevolent criticism, you slowly go crazy... The only female sign that IS NOT SUPPLEMENTABLE AT ALL.

Mystical Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Nervous Aquarians of both sexes fall into childhood unnoticed until a very old age. Freedom-loving Aquarians are shy from a sexual perspective and expect the woman to make the first move. They say that in bed they don’t know basic things, and they don’t really strive for the heights of erotic art, they sniffle and grunt a lot at random, believing that this is how it should be, so the young ladies have to strain and teach the incompetent Aquarius... Sexual fantasies - above the roof, but energy burns out in masturbation, and if you're lucky, then in simple masturbation. They are always sad about something, they love clothes more than women... It is interesting that Aquarius’ sense of humor dominates over everyone else, which helps them out in such an unfortunate situation.

An embezzler and a hysterical Aquarius is angry, but easy-going, loves to seduce and fight back, humiliating a person. She hates it when strangers look at her as a sex object, although eroticism is present everywhere for her, even in the way she is given a coat. If you are with her for the first time today, it is unlikely that it will end in bed, but there is simply NO better FRIEND for a man (almost anyone). If it’s really bad, she’ll give it and won’t even ask who you are or where you’re from. Aquarius does not object to men's work and (if need forces it) can easily work as a carpenter or driver; she does not like cooking, and especially cooking. From her youth, she selects an impeccable companion, but gets married late, and the nationality, skin color or religion of her chosen one will surprise even Aquarius herself for many years. Of all his colorful (and expensive) wardrobe, he actively prefers jeans.

Slippery Pisces (February 19 - March 26)

Eccentrics with a well-spoken tongue and a cynical sense of humor. The decoration of the sign is “punctuality” and the ability to talk to oneself. Embittered men of this sign do not like those who poke their noses at them with advice. Due to the lack of strong convictions and secrecy, no one understands how they really relate to people and life (and do they relate at all?). Ordinary things (for example, tying shoelaces) seem to Pisces to be painful responsibilities... Before lifting a finger, they can plunge into long thoughts. It is believed that nosy fish men are good gentlemen who know how to show a woman how beautiful she is.

Pisces women live in a world of illusions and incessant chatter, putting up with the constant feeling of being betrayed. They are gentle sexual partners, but almost always with a “skeleton in the closet.” Don't lie to Pisces - they have crazy intuition. Others are an open book and Pisces have a great sense of humor about their problems. They are indifferent to alcohol, but still drink, although they are suspicious and always worry about their health

Stubborn Aries (March 21 - April 20)
Decoration of the sign - attacks of bad mood and selfishness.

Aries men are confident in their Sexual Professionalism and therefore adore sex. They go crazy in bed, if you manage to get there, of course. Good news for you - Aries can do anything in bed - he still sees only himself and tries in the same right direction, but get ready to copulate with him in the elevator, bus and in the cinema. Look carefully into the eyes of your Aries friend - the person is already exhausted. Because of this, many older young ladies consider Aries a real paradise for the fair sex. If he lacks sex, then he becomes vulgar and all his thoughts are occupied with only one thing: how to fuck someone. Aries' OWN OPINION on any (even unfamiliar) subject will be defended to the last. Even if he himself knows that he is wrong, he will argue and swear out of principle. Aries loser is a bore and a grumbler, someone you should stay away from. Among the advantages, we should mention recklessness, adventurism and love for dubious scams. One of the cute habits is to disappear for a while, and then suddenly appear at the most unfortunate moment, ringing the doorbell without warning, or on the phone, when everyone has been asleep for a long time.

Well-mannered Sheep are straightforward and unceremonious in close communication. They love to fuck, push men around and read romantic porn.

In the morning, the Sheep can easily pretend that it was not she who screamed yesterday during orgasm and, it seems, you are strangers. If he falls in love, then only without memory. If a man is intellectually inferior to her, then most likely things will not come to bed because of Ovensha’s contempt for the stupid gentleman. In anger or resentment, she will do any stupid thing - including cheating with the first handsome guy she meets. He is capricious like a child, crying and stamping his feet. For the sake of good sex, a chaste Sheep will easily leave a good man, but will tolerate the antics of some cretin, as long as he completely satisfies her. Confident in their unwritten beauty, Aries rarely overuse cosmetics. Expect violent sexual turmoil, jealousy, betrayal and showdowns, in general, you will not regret it. An affair with an Aries is an excellent exercise for strengthening your damaged psyche.

"Navel of the Earth" Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

The strengths of the sign are suspicion and despotism.
The Taurus man thinks to himself:
“Unlike some, I can achieve everything anyway if I want. Why bother in vain?” A sense of humor is not valued by these slow-moving people, which is why they often become the butt of jokes from their many friends, which they deeply hate in their hearts. It's nice that Taurus are too lazy to get angry. Some bad habit (for example, breaking fingers or fiercely picking their ears) brightens up their long thoughts about how to save money. Taurus is a copycat. And he imitates those who have achieved greater success, and considers the point of view acquired in early childhood to be the only correct one. Forever. The ideal woman is his mother. The ideal of a family is his family. If a Taurus starts drinking or (if more advanced) taking drugs, then it’s not easy for him to stop. So they should stay away from everything good.
Idyll of Taurus: like a trophy seal, he lies on the sofa near the TV, leisurely chewing or sipping, thoughtfully fiddling with his hair.

Geminis always hang out from place to place, changing friends, professions, despising schedules. They love to fool people, stir things up and make fun of people. Conceit is at the highest level, although they can list their shortcomings for hours. Don't try to win a verbal battle with them - they have a great tongue. Don’t be offended by their cruel jokes, it’s all a complete circus - in fact, envious Geminis think much worse about you. Like a true friend, Gemini will immediately call you when he needs your help or a car. Property slips through your fingers, the future with them is unreliable, but the present is funny. Beware if your partner is a Gemini: if he is not with you now, he is probably flirting with your girlfriend in the next room. After your Gemini boyfriend, men will seem a little fresh to you for a long time.

Suspicious Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Cancer is eloquent, lazy, but erotic. Favorite sexual fantasy is rape. Always with money, but at the same time whines. He considers women inferior, but prefers young ones. At the same time, he is interested in everyone else, without exception (except for the disabled and ugly), and at the same time he imagines a lot of things. Ask him about this on occasion... He tends to become attached to one, renegotiates it for a long time and then painfully experiences the breakup (sometimes even for a whole month). If he is contradicted, he may become furious and even briefly blush with anger. In anger one becomes a little unpleasant. No one will play you such an insulted “virtue” when in fact it is to blame, like Cancer. He gets entangled in three pines himself and at the same time confuses everyone around him. A typical mama's boy - as mom said, so it will be.
In general, good luck, ladies (and gentlemen?).

Jealous Leos (July 23 - August 22)

The arrogant Leo is too generous to remember insults or promises. After all, he is a true Man of the Word (since he speaks almost all the time), and he will definitely fulfill his promise, if he does not forget. Proud Leo does not like conflicts, but has a talent for getting into all sorts of troubles and stories. The worst thing Leo can do is bark, and his happiness is to play big in the casino. In bed he always tries to prove that he is the most tireless lover. Or maybe that’s how it is, the flattered, pretty girls think...

Pedantic Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Give Virgos freedom to criticize!!!
Fact: some Virgos do not drink, believing that it is harmful to the liver.

They love to work, although the ultimate goal of work (and life) is vague; they love to read, immediately forgetting what they read. They don’t show their emotions, even if they have them, but when they are drunk, they will cry to you about their first love, which, naturally, was the strongest, the most real and certainly unhappy, they will tell you fables from their lives, which they themselves seem to believe . It’s lucky that Virgos usually don’t become big bosses, because they have a cash register in their head and they only like to work until they’re exhausted. Women, be careful: sweet-tongued Virgos know When and What you need to say, but don’t be fooled, these are just manifestations of gallantry towards the entire female sex in general. Things usually don’t go beyond words. According to experienced women, sometimes among Virgos there are technical lovers and the romanticism in sex with him will be no less than in masturbation. Virgos also like to pretend to be just friends if things don’t work out.

Smiling Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Libra men see through complex abstractions more easily than everyday life; they see all the shortcomings very well, but do not speak out loud about it. A woman who decides to make a scene for them may consider it won even before the start, due to the latter’s aversion to scandals... Even if they are right in the argument, they will not prove it, but most likely retreat, maintaining peace of mind. However, among women there is an opinion that Libra men are Hemorrhagic.

Since childhood, the Libra woman has been confident in her irresistibility and uniqueness.
“Why do I, so beautiful and smart, need these unpleasant responsibilities, it’s beneath my dignity!” - she thinks, absentmindedly doubting. Sexual love gets on her nerves over time; while kissing, she looks at the landscape and gets a little bored, but if there is no admirer at the moment, she gets lost. Is she even interested in men, you ask? Yes. Interested. But mostly as admiring fans, spectators, or at worst listeners. When the proper applause is given on time, any ramblings of the roommate will be heard and sins forgiven. If it is inconvenient to introduce her man to acquaintances, then either he will have to find some kind of sluggish Pisces, or she will have to change her acquaintances. Moreover, she will also need to decide to hesitate. Don't give orders to Libra - it's useless. And don’t bother with questions - they are secretive and don’t really like to lie.

Treacherous Scorpios (October 23 - November 22)

An interesting feature of Scorpios: what is considered a flaw in all people can be regarded as a great advantage and even be a source of pride.

The vindictive and narcissistic Scorpio struggles fiercely all his life, being active in sex until a very old age. Despising the snot of weaklings, he does not tolerate objections and excuses, actively showing his inappropriate enthusiasm. Never cries into his vest. Knowing everything in advance, he achieves success in any field, kicking the whiners and the insecure. Loyalty is an empty phrase, although he always takes care of his unhappy family. He doesn’t count money, but he remembers very well how many times they forgot to rejoice at his gift. To the pleasant traits you can also add stubbornness and inability to take other people’s opinions into account. In the middle of life, Scorpio men usually noisily divorce their exhausted wives. Enemies, do not expect forgiveness!!! Only death or failure will save you from the Evil Uncle Scorp...

Romantic Sagittarius (November 23 - December 20)

Obsessed with work and career, Sagittarius is distinguished by an excellent barracks-like sense of humor and a medieval gallantry that is surprising in our time. Women praise passionate Sagittarius lovers for their sensitivity and ability to ignite the lights of the big city in a local bed. They actively despise female jealousy and do not miss a single skirt - of any age, appearance and behavior. Sagittarians love to talk about high topics and adore black clothes. They rarely drink (they mostly drink), and in their old age they write memoirs that are fictitious from cover to cover. Among the Sagittarius men, I most often came across those who were puffy, sweaty, and with faces that were useless to shave and scary to hit.

Ambitious Capricorns (December 21 - January 20)

Despots and tyrants, and if something happens, they also “load” to the fullest.
Positive qualities: Will drive anyone crazy with their whining

The Capricorn man is ambitious and lustful. Petty, but boring. He rightly considers all women slutty and actively prefers anal sex... Confident that he knows life 100 times better, he tirelessly picks our brains, teaching us what and how to do. When the teachings dry up, he can philosophize for hours on a wide variety of topics. He will pleasantly amaze you with his redneckness. Capricorn believes that the main goal of those around him is to complicate his already difficult life. If he is seriously offended by someone, this worthless little man will be deleted from the list forever. FOREVER. If you are lucky, you will definitely marry for convenience.

Mystical Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Nervous Aquarians of both sexes fall into childhood unnoticed until a very old age.

Freedom-loving Aquarians are shy from a sexual perspective and expect the woman to make the first move. They say that in bed they don’t know basic things, and they don’t really strive for the heights of erotic art, they sniffle and grunt a lot at random, believing that this is how it should be, so the young ladies have to strain and teach the incompetent Aquarius... Sexual fantasies - above the roof, but energy burns out in masturbation, and if you're lucky, then in simple masturbation. They are always sad about something, they love clothes more than women... It is interesting that Aquarius’ sense of humor dominates over everyone else, which helps them out in such an unfortunate situation. By the way, Aquarius only likes “gentle girls with a pure soul”...

The embezzler and hysterical Aquarius is angry, but easy-going, loves to seduce and fight back, humiliating a person. She hates it when strangers look at her as a sex object, although eroticism is present everywhere for her, even in the way she is given a coat. If you are with her for the first time today, it is unlikely that it will end in bed, but there is simply NO better FRIEND for a man (almost anyone). If it’s really bad, she’ll give it and won’t even ask who you are or where you’re from.
Aquarius does not object to men's work and (if need forces it) can easily work as a carpenter or driver; she does not like cooking, and especially cooking. From her youth, she selects an impeccable companion, but gets married late, and the nationality, skin color or religion of her chosen one will surprise even Aquarius herself for many years. Of all his colorful (and expensive) wardrobe, he actively prefers jeans.

Slippery Pisces (February 19 - March 26)

Eccentrics with a well-spoken tongue and a cynical sense of humor.
The decoration of the sign is “punctuality” and the ability to talk to oneself

Embittered men of this sign do not like those who poke their noses at them with advice. Due to the lack of strong convictions and secrecy, no one understands how they really relate to people and life (and do they relate at all?). Ordinary things (for example, tying shoelaces) seem to Pisces to be painful responsibilities... Before lifting a finger, they can plunge into long thoughts.
It is believed that nosy fish men are good gentlemen who know how to show a woman how beautiful she is.

Pisces women live in a world of illusions and incessant chatter, putting up with the constant feeling of being betrayed. They are gentle sexual partners, but almost always with a “skeleton in the closet.” Don’t lie to Pisces - they have crazy intuition. Others are an open book and Pisces have a great sense of humor about their problems. They are indifferent to alcohol, but still drink, although they are suspicious and always worry about their health.

According to Indian postulates, the year is divided into 27 “nakshatras” - halves of the lunar cycle, which are symbolized by different animals. To determine in which nakshatra a person was born, it is enough to know the day and month of his birth. Unleash the beast within you with the guidance of Didier Blau.

Ashwini, the Stallion

from 13 to 26 April

You are open to the world, sensual and sociable, seeking success and universal recognition. The desire for novelty is the main motivation for your actions; you love movement, exchange of thoughts, and action. Not having a clear goal makes you more vulnerable.

You cannot be tamed in love. Your partner will have to respect your freedom; he himself must be active and adventurous, that is, “impeccable,” otherwise you will not get closer.

In India, Ashwinis have a reputation as stalwarts on the sexual front. You are always ready to take the first step and often find yourself at the mercy of your indomitable desires.

Bharni, Elephant

from April 27 to May 10

An ambitious individualist, you are willing to take on the hardest work. But at the same time, you love luxury, you know a lot about food, bodily joys, fashion, fragrances, beauty and... seduction. In the Indian zodiac, the Elephant, the source of feminine energy, usually symbolizes voluptuousness.

In love, you are the owner, so you want to control the situation. You need long-term commitment, a steady, reassuring partner, and intense sex. Cultivate this powerful energy of creation within yourself.

In contacts with the opposite sex, competition motivates you to action. You are willing to go to great lengths to gain your partner's favor. However, after winning, you may lose interest in the trophy you obtained.

Krittika, Sheep

from 11 to 24 May

You are torn between courage and cowardice, creation and destruction, calmness and temper, puritanism and open expression of emotions, but you know how to control yourself and cope with difficult matters.

In love, responsibility scares you. You are a good leader, but in your personal life you are often secretive, cautious or slow. If a rival appears on the horizon, you retreat.

Rohini, the Serpent

from May 25 to June 7

You are sensitive, touchy, changeable and hide a tremulous heart under external indifference. As a creative person and a subtle connoisseur of beauty, you cannot live “in cramped circumstances.” You need luxury and intellectual communication. Otherwise, boredom will prevail!

Mrigaziri, Snake

from 8 to 20 June

You are brave, active, adventurous, and born to lead because you love to exercise power and demonstrate authority. An avid debater, you need constant stimulation of your mental abilities and a new field for activity. You are always on the defensive, very sensitive to criticism, and have a sophisticated, if not aggressive, mind.

Aridra, Dog

from June 21 to July 4

You have an insightful, analytical mind. Sometimes you are accused of being an authoritarian, but you are simply an idealist - you want to achieve the impossible, fulfill all your dreams, realize all your aspirations. You inspire sympathy among people, are always surrounded by friends, know how to plan your life and master the art of maneuver... The game of power fascinates you and attracts you irresistibly.

In love, you are devoted and tender, your desires develop into passion, and passion... into problems. You give a lot, sometimes even too much. Illusions, sacrifices, mirages and disappointments become milestones in your love journey - without any reason, you can destroy a happy relationship, exchange a bird in your hand for a pie in the sky.

You constantly demand approval, so you need a gentle and caring partner, but fidelity is not one of your virtues. In addition, you are so demanding that what you want rarely coincides with what you actually see. If a person attracts you physically, you immediately show your feelings because sexuality is not a taboo for you.

Pushia, Ram

from July 19 to August 1

An intelligent person and a creative person, endowed with a rich imagination, you strive to fulfill your duty to yourself, your family and the world as a whole as carefully as possible, and therefore you often find yourself overloaded (almost crushed) by various kinds of assignments and responsible tasks. For harmonious development you need peace and a calm state of mind.

In love, you are secretive, shy, very independent, and for everything to go well, your partner must be the same. You are both modest and demanding, and have difficulty expressing your feelings. You need to be understood perfectly.

You are sexy, very active, you like to chase your partner, drive him like an animal... Try to control yourself! You are possessive by nature, so your partner should not make you jealous, otherwise you will explode! Since in family life you are usually missing for a long time, you need your permanent relationship to be pleasant, calm, but not monotonous...

Ashlesha, Cat

from 2 to 15 August

Wandering between knowledge and ignorance, good and evil, wisdom and danger, you have a fair sense of humor, an almost hypnotic power over people, and a penetrating view of things. You are very active intellectually, and thanks to your ability to seduce, you can easily get whatever you want.

You are independent and not made for family life; in love you need freedom and admiration. You love to seduce, and therefore there are always many fans around you, but perhaps one, the main one, is missing. You are a terrible owner... and for everything to go smoothly, your chosen one must be completely different.

You are afraid of merging with your partner, intimacy scares you. You are sensual, impressionable, sometimes capricious, in sexual relationships you prefer to do only what you like, otherwise you become aggressive. You are selfish or a loner at heart, and if they want to change you, go your own way.

Magha, Rat

from 16 to 29 August

You are a conservative, an adherent of traditional values, sometimes stubborn or even impudent, you need to manage, have power, succeed both materially and socially... Your thoughts are most often directed towards acquisition. At the same time, no matter what your achievements are, you may remain dissatisfied.

Hasta, Buffalo

from September 26 to October 9

Your mood changes frequently. Beneath the external calm and rationality lies an internal emptiness - you constantly feel a vacuum inside and cannot come to terms with it. You are responsible and eager to succeed, taking advantage of every chance and the help of the right people.

Chitra, Tigress

from 10 to 22 October

You are ambitious, generous and creative, meeting your opponent head on and not showing him your weaknesses. You have a strong character, but you lose your temper easily. You are sociable and eccentric, you love fashion, holidays, luxury, beauty, excitement, and you seek thrills.

A passionate, charming and charismatic person, you early become interested in love affairs, but never give yourself entirely to them. You have too little time for your partner: social life has completely absorbed you, and even children are not in the first place for you.

Tigress has an excellent sexual appetite; it is not in her habit to agree to a compromise. She will prefer loneliness to coercion. You are an owner and protector, but you love competition and are ready to stand up for yourself.

Swati, Buffalo

from October 23 to November 5

Buffalo combines incredible ambition with extreme idealism. Your goal is wealth and success. You want to leave your mark on history, to be the best. The buffalo loves games of power, long-range plans and maneuvers, but deep down in his soul he is as pure as a lamb, although few people realize this.

Your love is far from ephemeral. You are demanding and strive for perfection... which sometimes leads to suffering. To decide on a long-term relationship, you need a serious, reliable partner whom you will place on a pedestal.

You are incredibly sensual, love sex, before starting a relationship you know how to hide this side of your nature and demonstrate it only at the moment of intimacy. you are able to wait for the right opportunity to act; sex is a powerful impulse, but not an end in itself.

Visakha, Tiger

from 6 to 18 November

You are sensitive and attentive to people, open to everything new, ambitious and sociable, you like the company of friends and acquaintances who give you advice. You passionately love the mysteries of nature, are attached to the material side of life, but, having achieved success, you immediately lose interest in your previous line of work.

In love, you show yourself in ambivalence: when entering into a serious relationship, you do not exclude the possibility of a new connection. You are never satisfied, sometimes fickle or unfaithful... A hectic life pushes you to change partners. This tendency gradually disappears with age.

A strong Tiger drives his victim and looks for a partner who can fully satisfy his sexual appetites, so as not to go looking for happiness on the side. Sometimes he can curb himself or choose celibacy.

Zhieshta, Deer

from December 2 to 14

You have a brilliant mind, you are ambitious and thirsty for power, you want to have what others don’t have. You always finish what you start and are attached to material values, but you must fight against materialism in order to gain the spirituality that you strive for deep down in your soul.

In love, your feelings overflow. You are selfish and jealous, but difficult relationships attract you like a magnet. However, it is difficult for you to start long-term relationships, and you easily move from madly in love to complete indifference. You need your partner to be attractive not only (and not so much) physically, but also intellectually.

You are seriously concerned about sex, love variety and do not skimp on feelings, which can develop into real frenzy. In intimate relationships, beware of the destructive force hidden within you.

Mula, Dog

from December 15 to 27

You are courageous, love adventure, are full of ideas, are able to lead people and adapt to unexpected changes that your life is full of. You strive to feel and understand everything, and have a clear tendency towards sacrifice. Even being a wealthy person, you live simply, if not ascetically.

In love, you are an idealist who both craves adventure and fears it. Your partner will have to adapt to you, not the other way around. You find it difficult to make concessions.

The dog is passionate and active, he is a sensual creature, with a large supply of sexuality, and quickly takes the trail of the one or the one he loves. And yet, in the area of sex, you often show anxiety, even suspicion. Sexuality bothers you, maybe you are afraid of it?

Purva Ashadha, Male Monkey

from December 28 to January 10

You are both decisive and capricious, disciplined and elusive, capable of radically changing not only your opinion, but also your personality. You have rich creativity and many talents, your complex personality is in constant development, which can mislead those around you...

You are persistent in your desires, but often change your mind. You need versatile and varied sensations. This need for change should not remain a secret to the partner who will have to live up to you in everything.

An inspired and inventive lover, you are never averse to being in bed, you easily get along with the opposite sex, but rarely agree to a long-term relationship. When you swear allegiance, you believe it yourself and keep it... until next time.

Uttara Ashadha, Mongoose

from 11 to 23 January

You are an ambitious and intelligent loner who hates lies, deceit and bribery. An idealist to the core, you are not ready to accept reality as it is. It is difficult for you to get along with others, and sometimes with yourself.

In the Hindu zodiac, only the mongoose has no mate. Maybe you really don't need anyone? In any case, your partner will have to reckon with your independence, high spiritual needs, and desire to be alone. Traditional relationships are not for you.

Active, fast, tireless and cheerful, the Mongoose always lives by its own rules. He is a highly spiritual animal with very complex love needs. Often his thoughts concentrate on matters distracted from sex. It is better, of course, to avoid relationships with Snakes.

Dhanishta, Lioness

from 6 to 18 February

You are dazzling and charismatic, equally wealthy both materially and spiritually, strong in word and deed, eloquent and attentive to your interlocutor. You feel justified in your existence when you help others. A true altruist, you feel an emptiness within yourself that needs to be filled.

By attracting someone to you, you always keep your distance, reciprocate if your partner is faithful to you, and play equal rights with him. They are ready to endure a lot from you, you demand a lot, but you do not neglect your obligations.

When it comes to sex, you have a voracious appetite and openly demonstrate your desire. You love making love and are comfortable with your sexuality. There is integrity in your feelings, but you do not strive for possession; you need a generous partner.

Shatabishak, Mare

from February 19 to March 3

You are secretive, sometimes excessively, and strictly follow your principles. You often lack faith in your own abilities, sometimes you are disappointed in your achievements because you create obstacles for yourself. You are nervous, worried, looking for answers to questions. At the same time, you are a specialist in the impossible and are able to jump above your head.

In love, your principles are contradictory. You need classics with a touch of originality, you need consistency, but exciting and exciting. To please your loved ones, you are ready to play a role that is not typical for you.

You have high sexual needs, but you don't always talk about them openly, which can lead to misunderstandings. The hot and impatient Filly seems soft and gentle. However, you do not always trust your partner, and therefore do not achieve complete satisfaction.

Purva Bhadra, Leo

from 4 to 16 March

You are friendly and ready to help others to the point of exhaustion. A passionate fighter against prejudice and oppression, you spare no time or money for the common cause. At the same time, you are an unimportant manager and are too carefree about your own finances. You look at your partner with eyes full of love, without thinking about the danger of disappointment. A patient and devoted person, you invest a lot of emotion and energy into love, friendships and family relationships. Leo seems dependent, but in reality he is very independent.

Uttara Bhadra, Cow

from 17 to 30 March

You don't need to explain what tolerance and compassion are. You are very wise. You are characterized by fatalism and a somewhat detached outlook on life. In your youth, due to your idealism and self-denial, you probably faced difficulties. A cow is a nurse for everyone without exception.

In love, you are both sensitive and dreamy, looking for an ideal relationship, but you can also live alone. You are affectionate, sensitive, spiritual values are more important to you than passions, so sometimes you are ready to limit yourself in love for the sake of a rich spiritual life.

Sex? Of course, but not only. You are sensual, you feel the need to love and be loved, you crave tenderness, but you can completely do without sex as such. Not too much, not too little - that's your ideal.

Revati, Elephant

from March 31 to April 12

Friendly, patient, calm and attentive, the Elephant is generosity itself. Her inner beauty and purity of soul alienate her from others. Ready for self-sacrifice, she is not confident in herself, is content with second roles or dissolves in her loved ones.

In love, you need a partner who will understand how much you need encouragement and will support your desire for spiritual life. A relationship based only on sex is not enough for you. Be careful not to lose yourself in the service of another, others, humanity.

You need romanticism, relationships based on trust, a normal sex life. However, talking about sex and bodily manifestations makes you blush, perhaps because they are too far from your pure thoughts. Do not succumb to the charm of partners who are not too sensitive and selfish.

I read that Ramos, without hesitation, spat at provocateur Costa. I believe that he was very lucky, he got off easy))
“If someone steps on Aries’ sore spot, then Aries, as a rule, hits the offender in the ear without any delay or preamble.”
Somewhere I already had a humorous horoscope about who takes revenge... But this time it’s more detailed)))

About Libra I died - Maaasya.., who would doubt it.)))
“However, they still have one strong side that Libra can use for revenge - terrible and terrible. They can, for example, masterfully discourage their offender from the sympathy of some person valuable to him.” *hysterics*

How Zodiac signs take revenge. Alternative horoscope

Imagining a vengeful Aries is quite a difficult matter. If someone steps on Aries's sore spot, then Aries usually gives it to the offender in the ear without any delay or preamble.

And this is not considered revenge, because it is a normal reaction of a healthy body. I will say more, if the attack on the said callus was virtual and the offender was unattainable for hitting the ear, Aries can easily forget about everything in an hour, and the next day, as if nothing had happened, hug and kiss the offender. Therefore, in order for Aries to have a desire to take revenge, he needs to be taken out very systematically and taken very seriously...

Well, for example, every day and loudly talk about his weak points at the very moment when his passion is present in close proximity. In this case, however, you will also immediately get hit in the ear, but if you have the courage to continue in the same spirit further, then after a while Aries will take root in the opinion that you need to be beaten. Exactly. Aries' revenge is always radical. He will never stoop to any kind of retaliatory petty dirty tricks. Aries needs only one thing - for the object of revenge to cease to exist, at least in the immediate visible space. What Aries will consistently strive for:

Sir, you must die.

Or maybe it could be some other way? Maybe you will be satisfied, at least, by cutting off a hand or, say, an ear? A? Well, please...

No, sir, you must die.

In general, Aries, who decides to take revenge, can easily force you to at least move to another organization or even move your whole family to another city. Moreover, it is characteristic that Aries himself will consider this not revenge, but self-defense.

In order to awaken vindictiveness in Taurus, in general, you also need to try hard. Taurus people take root in the opinion that a person is a bastard only after carefully collecting statistical information on this topic. But they take revenge much more perversely than Aries.

In all likelihood, the founder of the vendetta was precisely this sign together with Scorpio. Taurus's revenge, as a rule, consists of a systematic and inexorable blocking of all gateways and channels to the offender. And Taurus is a sign that, for some reason, always turns out to be the owner of those very cranks that block these gateways and channels. For example, in a party, Taurus are often not only the main breadwinners, drinkers and hosts at home, but also unspoken trendsetters and tastemakers.

This does not mean that they are such leaders. No. Here the matter is different. They simply always have a very valid and weighty opinion on any matter. Therefore, they do not impose new people and new tastes on anyone - they only approve or DO NOT approve of what others bring. So, if you receive Taurus’s revenge, then be prepared for the fact that Taurus will categorically disapprove of you wherever and whenever he can reach. This means that you will almost certainly “be left without sweets” and find yourself in isolation.

And if someone tries to intercede for you, then Taurus will “cross out” him too - and so on until the twelfth generation. Moreover, these sanctions are almost irrevocable. In order to once again earn the trust and respect of Taurus, you will have to repent and fawn so much that it would be easier to hang yourself right away.

Twins

This is one of the main ulcers of the Zodiac. The fact is that most Geminis have a passion for being great and respected, but no one perceives them that way. Therefore, it is very easy to make a Gemini inflamed with a thirst for revenge. Having received Gemini's revenge, you will certainly become the object of the most incredible rumors and gossip, ugly flat barbs and blatant misinformation.

Gemini boys can even get into a fight with superior enemy forces, and they are always superior, but in two minutes these Don Quixotes will already be whining in the corner. Now, if this were a computer fight, Gemini would have killed anyone in it. So, Gemini can seriously take revenge on you only if you own a computer - sending, for example, some kind of letter with a virus - this is always welcome.

At the same time, the mood of most Geminis changes much faster than the weather. Having decided to take revenge on you in the morning, by lunchtime Gemini may already be offering you a mutually beneficial business or sharing with you freshly invented gossip about a new object chosen for revenge.

However, if you decided that you shouldn’t be afraid of Gemini’s revenge, then you were mistaken. Firstly, people tend to believe even the most incredible rumors and then go and wash themselves off.

And secondly, Geminis tend to know everything about everyone, and therefore, when inventing yet another gossip, they can reveal something really painful and compromising about you - without knowing it. In general, the understanding that the one who owns the information owns the world is inherent in these figures at the instinctive level.

The simplest and most common way of crayfish revenge is to leave without a hat on a cold night so that everyone feels bad. It can be used for any reason, as well as for no reason - depending on the mood. This category also includes a complete break in relationships. In the case of Cancer, this means that Cancer will not react to you at all - in no way and never, even if you drown before his eyes.

Moreover, the likelihood that Cancer will forgive you even if the offense was insignificant is extremely small. If Cancer is seriously hurt, the consequences can be the most unexpected. Aware of their generally small strength, Cancers can even use heavy artillery to kill a cockroach, not to mention take revenge on more serious opponents. For example, in a vengeful impulse, drowning someone’s bag in the nearest body of water or completely burning someone’s documents would be like a crustacean.

I'm not even talking about physical revenge. If it comes to a fight, then it can only be with the use of something like a crowbar, a stool with iron legs, or something else like that... So, Cancer is terrible in anger. But in general, the worst thing is not even the crab’s revenge, but the crab’s resentment itself. This creature will look at you reproachfully with its big tearful eyes, like a lapdog abandoned in the forest, and you will be ashamed, ashamed, ashamed!!!

But you will not be able to make amends for your guilt, and therefore your conscience will strangle you, strangle you, and strangle you until it strangles you until you faint.

In order to awaken a thirst for revenge in Leo, he just needs to be seriously deceived. And deceiving Leo is a piece of cake, you just have to want to. The question is: why do you need this? The lion's revenge, even when executed lightly, is as terrible as death.

And even in hard execution it is completely crushing, but it rarely gets there. The simplest way to take the lion's revenge is to clearly demonstrate that you are a complete, worthless nonentity and even worse. This is demonstrated by our own example.

That is, Leo publicly shows how much cooler he looks, works and relaxes than you. Moreover, even if he has never been involved in the business that you are busy with, in order to show your insignificance, he will manage to make him better than you. Next in the lion's ranking of revenge are public insults and exposure. That is, Leo will publicly tell you everything he thinks about you.

Moreover, the sympathies of those around him will naturally be on his side - because these sympathies are always on the side of Leo. This is where the easy revenge ends. And Leo’s tough revenge doesn’t end there and doesn’t stop at anything. You can be pursued by dark personalities who for some reason suddenly turn out to be Leo’s closest friends, thrown down by examiners everywhere from the traffic police to the institute, abandoned by friends and acquaintances, and also quartered and cut on the wheel by people from the other world.

And behind all this you will see a terrible lion’s grin. Over time, you will become a puny schizophrenic and begin to see the lion's machinations in all manifestations of life - including a clogged toilet and sour milk.

To be honest, I have a hard time imagining what exactly needs to be done in order for Virgo to decide to take revenge, but many representatives of this sign have a tendency towards this. Moreover, Virgos take revenge, as a rule, in especially perverted forms. Now, if you watched a film about the heroic Sergei Lazo, who was burned in the furnace of a steam locomotive by the Japanese, then you should have a rough idea of what can be done to a person with a certain amount of girlish fantasy, and girlish fantasy - because Japan is under the sign of Virgo.

Remember, for example, there was such a beautiful vase with holes, designed to place the enemy’s head. The idea of pumping water into a person through the ears is also good. In general, whatever you can think of when you are seriously and girlishly puzzled by the question. The everyday revenge of the Virgos is no less subtle, but is characterized by one funny feature: the person who is being revenged learns that this happened to him last. For example, to draw up some long-awaited documents for you, having made just one minor mistake, leading to you going through all the circles of hell that preceded it again - it will be like a girl: nothing is immediately clear, but it will be devastating in the end.

In general, Virgos, more than any other sign, are prone to revenge using official and documentary methods. That is, if you offended Virgo, and she has something to report you to the official authorities, she will almost certainly report it there. There is also a well-known girlish technique of charming someone and marinating them to death solely for the purpose of deeply hurting someone.

Libra is a rather touchy sign. However, they don’t really know how to take revenge. Here everything is somehow more like a child’s version: oh, you’re like that to me, okay, and I’m like that to you. They say, give me my toys and don’t pee in my potty. At the same time, when Libra themselves already believe that they have reached the limits of severity and deceit, the subject at whom revenge is directed only begins to realize that it turns out that they are taking revenge on him.

In addition, by blocking some opportunities that depend on them, Libra often completely loses control over the one they were going to take revenge on, which makes further murder practically impossible. Well, the most extreme thing that Libra is capable of is to challenge the offender to a verbal duel, present his accusations to him and demand an explanation. As a rule, the explanations are through the roof - not everyone is as honest as Libra...

However, they do have one strong side that Libra can use for revenge - terrible and terrible. They can, for example, masterfully discourage their offender from the sympathy of some person valuable to him. They can also, to spite their enemies, infiltrate somewhere high to warm places and from there brazenly stick out their tongue at the offender, so that he becomes bitter and envious. In general, such intellectual and behind-the-scenes intrigues... A good sign.

I knew one person who was and remained a Libra and was engaged in such difficult activities in his company as contacts with all sorts of “guys” and “roofs”, so he was famous for the fact that thanks to his activities there never came to a serious showdown there, although his boss was a surprisingly bitchy man and there were plenty of violent passions around this company.

Scorpion

This sign traditionally holds the lead in bitchiness. Although not deservedly so. In fact, Pisces is much more bitchy than him, but no one knows that. So, a normal Scorpio is different in that he cares about everything. Everywhere he, you see, has his own interests, he needs to control everything and keep him on the hook. Accordingly, as soon as someone’s interests are offended, Scorpio immediately becomes filled with poison and runs to bite.

Scorpio's biting can be different, but it differs, first of all, in that its main goal is not to neutralize the enemy, but to inflict on him the deepest possible moral and, at worst, physical injuries, with which he would suffer until the end of his serious life. days.

For the same reason, Scorpios are the founders of the principle “beat your own so that strangers will be afraid” - inflicting deep, bleeding and permanent wounds on your own, you see, is a hundred times more convenient than on strangers. All their weak points are known in advance and it is not difficult to poke them into them. For example, I knew a Scorpio woman who had a husband obsessed with looking respectable - so she endlessly reproached him on one single occasion when he looked undignified, having worked himself up to the extreme in the store and telling the saleswoman everything that the saleswoman deserved. The husband blushed, turned pale and lowered his eyes.

And the Scorpio - the infection - was waiting for a large gathering of guests, and again: “Do you remember, in the store...” But what is characteristic is that not a single Scorpio will ever forget to spill a little balm on freshly inflicted wounds, so that the object of the bite would not completely close his shell from him and didn't get off the hook. That is, so that he remains a convenient victim.

Only Geminis have immunity against scorpion bites - because most of them do not have such depth in their souls that a scorpion sting can scratch them. Or maybe there is depth, but the attitude towards it is not so deep. That is, Scorpio catches them, and they themselves joke about this topic, as if they were not being stabbed with a sting, but their heels were being tickled with a feather.

Sagittarius

Well, these are boring Avengers. A la “little red devils” and “elusive Jack” whom no one catches. That is, they would be happy, in the name of justice and all sorts of principles, to chop up everyone they come across with a sword, but while they are there talking about justice and principles, you stroke, and there is no one left to chop. And most importantly, they practically cannot commit reprisals if there is not a large crowd of people. It's boring for them and somehow not at all edifying.

For that very justice, they first need to gather a whole veche, explain to the people there that, they say, look at what a bastard, and then, with fireworks and fanfare, let him go, the bastard.

True, like everyone who is sick with principles, they are quite vindictive. Therefore, if they meet the offender in twenty years, and then they have the opportunity to give him a full ride, they will do so with great joy and will not blink an eyelid. Sagittarius succeeded in revenge alone like no other. In bureaucratic revenge. Let’s say, if you need to get a certificate from some woman saying that you have been vaccinated against influenza, and you stepped on this woman’s foot in the last year and did not apologize, then she will come off.

Moreover, according to all the rules. For the sake of this certificate, you will go around all thirty circles of hell, heaven and purgatory until you collect certificates about the purity of your pedigree up to the twelfth generation and present them to justify the fact that you have some rights to the requested certificate. And then she will consider all this for three years, coordinate it in ten commissions, and deal with other such dirty tricks.

And then, he will give you a certificate without stamps and send you to receive one at one end of the city, and the other at the other, and will forget to call there to get it for you.

Capricorn

I can’t even imagine what needs to be done in order to force Capricorn to take revenge. There is practically nothing to get at these people - they themselves will get anyone they want... Well, okay, let’s assume you managed to get Capricorn by hooking something, for example, on his passion. This is bad. There will be no revenge anyway. And there will be consistent survival from all surroundings available to Capricorn.

Moreover, this does not mean at all that Capricorn will carry out some special work in this direction there. It’s just that Capricorn probably already managed to dig in there much earlier and much better than you, and therefore all the levers are in his hands... But that’s how it is, it’s all about the little things. It could be worse, perhaps. This is when you managed to evoke antipathy in Capricorn for some inexplicable reason and a strong antipathy - reaching the point of white heat. Then Capricorn becomes capable of everything that Virgo is capable of, only on a hypertrophied scale.

That is, if it is enough for Virgo to simply tighten the tap of your drip and leave, Capricorn definitely needs to replace the contents in this drip with some kind of caustic substance and then sit and watch what happens. Capricorn's revenge can only be overcome by massive bombing of his habitat within a radius of three hundred kilometers for ten days without interruption. And even then, if you are sure that this Capricorn does not have his hand at the command post of the contingent of forces that will be entrusted with this bombing - which is unlikely.

In general, what am I telling you? Better watch the episode of “Sherlock Holmes”, where it’s about Professor Moriarty. Here Moriarty is a typical Capricorn.

Aquarius

The only vengeful Aquarius I knew was a rare idiot of about fifty, and even offended in early childhood. And with all this, he still took revenge jokingly and playfully - not even seriously, which, however, did not make the objects of his revenge any better. In short, he doesn't count.

Aquarians do not like to take revenge and do not know how. Some mentally unhealthy representatives of this sign can betray, set up and brazenly deceive, but they do this not out of revenge, but simply out of love for art and self-affirmation. It is practically impossible to piss Aquarius off to such an extent that he begins to take revenge.

This sign has such a strong innate sense of humor that its representatives will make you look like a complete idiot long before you get to them. If you like it, you can consider it revenge, but they don't think so. A typical Aquarius is a Home Alone type of character. That is, he will roll you half to death without even knowing it. He has such strange habits that any close contact with him is fraught with self-harm, and contact with evil goals - especially. Suppose you are quietly sneaking up on Aquarius from behind, in order to do something wrong, and Aquarius, just at this moment, for some reason remembers that he, it turns out, knows how to do a backflip... What will happen?

That's right: Aquarius will hit you on the head with both feet and then pitifully lead you to the medical center, where he will remember that he also knows how to bandage and inadvertently bandage you so that you will forget how to breathe and when you remember, it will be too late.

The Ministry of Health warns...

It is usually very easy to offend a normal Pisces. But only a person close enough can offend her so that she wants to take revenge, because Pisces easily forgets about all other insults. And Pisces take revenge in every possible way, except for the obvious ones. They weave intrigues, cross the path of the offender exactly where he does not expect and delight his life in all sorts of other ways.

The easiest way for a fish to take revenge is to walk everywhere with an offended face and tell what a bad person you are and how cruelly you treated her. Pisces always does this very naturally, because they are truly offended sincerely. Therefore, sympathizers may have a bad opinion of you for a long time.

If this doesn’t seem enough to Pisces, she can unravel the most terrible rumors about you, no worse than Gemini, and even better: because Pisces’ rumors are much more naturalistic than Gemini’s - firstly, and absolutely irrefutable due to a fair amount of fog and omissions - in the first place. second.

Having a very big grudge against you, Pisces can pretend that it was not offended by you at all, and then, under the guise of a sincere desire to help, tell you such fables and give you such advice that you will spend a very long time unraveling the mess you brewed with your own hands.

Moreover, you still won’t be able to accuse Pisces of malicious intent - she will take care to construct all her slippery speeches so that she has somewhere to retreat, they say, she warned that this information is unverified. No worse than Scorpio, Pisces knows how to hit on sore spots. No worse than Sagittarius, he can torture you with bureaucratic torment. He beats Libra no worse in intellectual battles, although he does not even have the rudiments of intelligence in the traditional sense of the word...

How Zodiac signs take revenge. Alternative horoscope

Imagining a vengeful Aries is quite a difficult matter. If someone steps on Aries's sore spot, then Aries usually gives it to the offender in the ear without any delay or preamble.

Sir, you must die.

Or maybe it could be some other way? Maybe you will be satisfied, at least, by cutting off a hand or, say, an ear? A? Well, please...

No, sir, you must die.

In all likelihood, it was this sign along with Scorpio that became the founder of the vendetta. Taurus's revenge, as a rule, consists of a systematic and inexorable blocking of all gateways and channels to the offender. And Taurus is a sign that, for some reason, always turns out to be the owner of those very cranks that block these gateways and channels. For example, in a party, Taurus are often not only the main breadwinners, drinkers and hosts at home, but also unspoken trendsetters and tastemakers.

Twins

But you will not be able to make amends for your guilt, and therefore your conscience will strangle you, strangle you, and strangle you until it strangles you until you faint.

Scorpion

Sagittarius

For that very justice, they first need to gather a whole veche, explain to the people there that, they say, look at what a bastard, and then, with fireworks and fanfare, let him go, the bastard.

And then, he will give you a certificate without stamps and send you to receive one at one end of the city, and the other at the other, and will forget to call there to get it for you.

Capricorn

In general, what am I telling you? Better watch the episode of “Sherlock Holmes”, where it’s about Professor Moriarty. Here Moriarty is a typical Capricorn.

Aquarius

The Ministry of Health warns...