How to say no beautifully examples. How beautiful, harmless, and intelligent it is to refuse people their requests: tips, recommendations, examples

It's impossible to deny: rejection is very unpleasant. However, it is part of life. Whether you're getting your heart broken, rejected for a job, or simply let down by a loved one, emotions will always be unpleasant. Such situations never pass without problems, it is always uncomfortable. If you yourself want to refuse someone, you also have a hard time. You need to behave tactfully, support the person and at the same time cope with your own negative emotions. If you fail, you make the rejection even more painful. Many people would like to be able to refuse gently and politely. You don't want to hurt the other person, make them feel pain and disappointment. It's all so complicated! Fortunately, there are some tips that can help you cope with such moments in life as gently as possible.
It could even be a completely positive experience! Sometimes a refusal becomes an impetus for change, because a person begins to think about how to become better. Rejection makes you think more about yourself. This is a kind of motivation that helps you move on. If you need to turn someone down, use the tips below. This will make the situation more comfortable for everyone.

Tell the truth

This may seem obvious, but it is important to know that if you deceive a person about the reason for your refusal, you are not making their situation any easier. Some people prefer to lie in order not to hurt the feelings of the person being rejected. This is a good intention, but this behavior does nothing to soften the blow. Honesty is your best choice, don't try to sugarcoat anything. Even if you think that lies can be for salvation, do not give in to such thoughts. The truth hurts, but then it is easier to accept, and a lie softens the effect only in the first minutes of the conversation, but ultimately poisons all the sympathy that remains after refusal.

Be precise

General words are of no use. If you must refuse someone, be as precise and specific as possible. In the future, this will only help the person who has received a refusal. Often, a refusal, no matter what the reason for it, is perceived as a personal insult.
The more accurately you can explain what caused the current situation, the better the person will understand that it is not his personal fault. This is a very important point for both sides of the conversation. Think through your rationale in advance so that you can present it as clearly and intelligibly as possible. This will help you reduce your own stress during failure.

Watch your tone

Don't forget that the problem may not only be what you say, but also how you say it. Think about how the other person would feel in such a situation and try to behave accordingly.
The tone of your voice and the timing of your conversation are the most important characteristics, so remember that it's not just about the words you choose. Of course, they are also of great importance, but we should not forget about other criteria. Do breathing exercises, try not to strain, and watch the intonation of your voice. By paying attention to this, you reduce both your own stress and the other person’s discomfort.

Accept your role

If you are also somehow involved in the current situation, be sure to tell the person you are breaking up with. If the blame doesn't fall solely on his shoulders, the situation becomes a little more comfortable. Share the blame if this is the actual state of affairs, because the refusal is based on explaining the real situation. This will help you clearly explain the reasons for your decision, although at the time of the conversation it will be difficult for your interlocutor to perceive everything rationally and without unnecessary emotions. This is understandable, as breakups can be extremely draining. Be prepared for this, accept in advance the fact that negativity is inevitable and you are partly associated with it.

Consider a compromise

If the situation allows, you may not need to harshly refuse the person. Sometimes a problem can be resolved through compromise. If you start a conversation with the goal of getting your point across and getting what you want, it's quite possible that the other person will be able to meet you halfway. In this case, he will feel much more comfortable.
In such a situation, no one can emerge victorious, but it is important to come to an agreement and set the necessary boundaries. This is the most important thing because otherwise you will not be able to understand what is bothering the other person and how he will accept rejection. In any case, it is clear that this will be unpleasant. Learn to look after your own interests without hurting other people. This is a very important skill that helps you cope with rejection much more comfortably.

Practice in advance

If you're nervous about turning someone down and want to make sure your words, intonation, and expressed emotions are appropriate, you might want to practice thinking about what you'll say and how you'll say it. This will be extremely useful for you. For example, you need to fire someone. Practice how you would break bad news to another person. When you actually need to do this, you will already know that you can say it calmly, and then you will be able to express all your thoughts in a harmonious way, honestly and carefully, which will help the other person understand that life is not over, everything is okay. You will be able to do what you have to do, but in the most optimal way possible. Enough practice is very beneficial for both you and the person you are refusing. You can also practice with a friend or loved ones. In this case, you can get an outside assessment of your behavior and ask for useful advice. This will help you understand the intricacies of the situation even better and learn to behave as correctly as possible.

Don't expect a clear conclusion

Naturally, you would like to get some relief after a difficult conversation, but the situation does not always end this way. This is completely normal. Many people dream that the refusal will be positive and painless for everyone, but you should immediately understand that your interlocutor will not be happy. Just don't rush, don't push his emotions, don't try to cheer him up when it's inappropriate. By setting yourself up for the situation to be resolved immediately, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You shouldn't do this! Be prepared right away that your conversation will not give clear consequences.

Rejection is hard

It is important to always remember that the best way to refuse a person is to behave with maximum attention, kindness and respect. Behave the way you try to behave in other situations. You may encounter some resentment and anger along the way, however, if you are kind, everything will work out as best as possible for everyone.

Many people suffer from the fact that they do not know how to say the word “no”. Despite the fact that it is quite logical from time to time to refuse people help that you cannot provide, many, sacrificing their own interests, come to the rescue of others. Do you think this is right? No matter how it is. Some people shamelessly take advantage of the courtesy of others and live happily off of it. How to refuse a person without offending him?

Boost Your Self-Esteem

A person must be a reasonable egoist. You should always put your own interests above. Of course, if they do not interfere with other people living happily. More often than others, the question “how to refuse a person without offending him” is asked by people with low self-esteem. Strong individuals who know what they want will never sacrifice their own interests to help others. For example, you can only give to the poor if your finances allow it. It is stupid to follow the lead of beggars who, instead of going to work, stand on the street and beg passers-by for money. And this doesn’t just apply to low-income people. Some people simply don’t want to expend their own energy and learn something new. It’s easier for them to find a person who can sit on their neck and live by their mind. Don't fall for mercy. Learn to defend your interests. Selfishness is a good quality. You have one life, and you will not have a second chance to live it happily. Therefore, never make empty promises. Think twice before agreeing to help someone at your own expense. A person who loves himself will not allow anyone to infringe on his interests.

Always prepare a reason

People to whom you refuse something will not be offended by you if you tell them the real reason for the refusal and explain why you cannot fulfill their request. There is no need to come up with false excuses. If you can't help a friend move because you bought a theater ticket, say so. There is no need to make excuses. Just note that you knew nothing about your friend’s move, and bought the tickets a month in advance. In this way, you will be able to maintain friendship, because the person will be able to enter into your position. Don't think that your friend will assume that you are choosing entertainment instead of help. Tickets purchased in advance are proof that you planned your leisure time and, since you had no other offers for that evening, decided to use your free time as you see fit.

How to refuse a person without offending him? In no case do not come up with stupid excuses, such as that your mother or boyfriend is sick. The lie will be easy to verify, and the person you refused for a stupid reason will be offended.

No need to make excuses

Don't want to do what is asked of you? How to refuse a person without offending him? There is no need to make excuses. If you want to stay at home instead of going to a loud party, say so. Every person has the right to their own opinion and to realize their desires. If you don't want to spend time with strangers and want to relax at home, there is nothing wrong with that. Be firm in your intentions and do not try to whitewash yourself. Your decision is your choice, and it cannot be wrong. You shouldn’t lower your eyes to the floor and mumble that you haven’t been home for a long time and at work you have to be in contact with people all the time. It will be stupid and ugly. Say “no” in a firm and confident voice. If you don't want to explain the reason for refusal, don't do it. A simple answer: “No, thank you, I don’t want to” will suffice. No one will insist that you do something you don't enjoy. Especially if you have other plans for the evening. Even if it’s a completely natural desire to lie in the bath or watch your favorite TV series.

Talk about fear and perfectionism

How to properly refuse a person so as not to offend? Many people are afraid to help their friends if they are not sure that they can cope with the task. For example, your friend asked you to replace him at a children's party. You have little experience communicating with children and have no idea how to behave with them. Say that you don’t want to spoil your friend’s reputation because you are completely incompetent in organizing children’s parties. There is no shame in admitting your incompetence. It will be much worse if your fears come true.

When you refuse someone something because you are absolutely sure that you will not cope with the task perfectly, talk about your passion for perfectionism. This recognition will only raise your rating in the eyes of the person asking, not lower it. The desire to do everything perfectly is very commendable. And the ability to soberly assess your abilities will help you avoid awkward situations.

Don't fall for manipulators' tricks

Some people are fluent in the art of manipulation. How to learn to refuse people without offending them? Try not to fall for the tricks of cunning acquaintances. Have you found yourself in a situation where you refused something to a friend, and he, instead of taking it for granted, began to say that he did not expect refusal from such a kind and sympathetic person. After such a remark, any person who has just refused will feel awkward. Always remember that some people will try to manipulate you. Say that you are a truly sympathetic person, but only in cases where you have the opportunity to help the person. If you have neither the desire, nor the energy, nor the time, there is no need to rearrange your schedule because of rude flattery. Being greedy for compliments is bad. Do not allow confusion in your soul because of the words of your interlocutor. If you said “no” once, repeat your answer in the same firm and confident tone in which you gave the first refusal.

Please borrow money

Many people are uncomfortable saying no to requests that involve money. For this reason, many people who earn good money are ridden by all their friends. They borrow money, and then either they don’t pay it back, or they pay it back, but they take too long. How to refuse a person without offending him? Examples of phrases that will help you say a firm “no”:

Refusals to lend are quite natural. If a person really needs money, he can go to the bank and take out a loan. So you shouldn't feel guilty if you can't sponsor your friend.

Refusal to a fan

It is difficult to refuse a person who has warm feelings for you. But it’s even worse to give a person unrealistic hope. If you do not want to mock the person’s feelings, you should immediately say “no”. How to refuse a person without offending him? The rejection phrases that many girls use are terrible. Never say that a guy is kind, good and... simply unworthy of you. Such a refusal implies that the other chosen one is better than your current gentleman. This fact greatly affects male self-esteem. Therefore, tell the person that you do not feel reciprocity, which means nothing can happen between you. Is it possible to be offended by such a phrase? No. How can you be offended that a person does not feel sympathy for you? The gentleman will decide that the lady simply could not appreciate him, and will go looking for someone who will cope with this task.

Examples

How to refuse a person without offending him via SMS? Don't use standard forms or write stupid excuses. A short message should contain a concise answer. It is advisable to keep it within two phrases. In the first, you say that you refuse, and in the second, you specify why. How to refuse a person without offending him? Examples of SMS messages:

Thanks for the offer, it's tempting. But I can't accept it because I have other plans for this weekend.
I'm sorry to tell you no, but the last time I did stretching I hurt my leg badly and I have no desire to repeat my bad experience.
I don’t understand the issue of choosing indoor plants and I won’t be able to go to the greenhouse with you. But I have a friend who can help you.
I can't help you move because I'm busy this weekend. But I can help you with interior design if you need help in this matter.

Somehow, you have to figure out for yourself whether you really want to do this. You can only respond to an offer if you have clearly decided whether you need it or not. Tell yourself: “No, I don’t need this!”

Say no to your interlocutor. Don't be afraid to offend a person. If you do everything right, there will be no resentment or obvious anger. Give reasons for your refusal. Give why you cannot or do not want to fulfill the request. When speaking, use the pronoun “I” more often. Speak clearly without confusion. No, just give reasons!

State the reason for the refusal. The reason can be either real or fictitious. However, remember that it must be understandable to the interlocutor. He must agree with you and accept your refusal. Don't be rude or harsh. Speak calmly, direct your gaze to the bridge of the interlocutor’s nose. A shifting gaze and uncertainty can make it clear to your interlocutor that you feel uncomfortable, and he will put pressure on you.

Refuse by doing . When refusing, say something nice to your interlocutor. For example, you could say, “Great idea, but...”. The person must understand that you want to fulfill his request and, if not for the circumstances, you would definitely fulfill it.

Repeat your refusal. Psychologists say that a person needs to hear a refusal three times before he understands that it is no longer possible to obtain consent. Be. Respond to all persuasion with a firm refusal. Be calm and control yourself.

Train with friends. Ask a friend to pester you with a request. Refuse him. Ask him to point out your shortcomings and mistakes when refusing: a shifting gaze, an uncertain voice,... Over time, rejection will become much easier for you.

Helpful advice

Remember: when you refuse a person, you are not deliberately offending him, but doing what you need.

Sources:

Encyclopedia of practical psychology

Instructions

You should start with something simple - recognize that there is a problem. Without this, it will be impossible to change the situation. Try to understand how selfless your relationship is. If you analyze, it is not difficult to see the motives that motivate your friend, loved one or colleague.

Try to identify moments that seem suspicious to you, and then gently and tactfully approach them in some detail. After this, observe his reaction. If a person does not pay special attention to what happened, your relationship is not in danger. But if a person shows and tries to get something from you again, it’s better to prepare yourself in advance for a quick breakup

MENSBY

4.6

Many take advantage of your kindness, and when you refuse, they accuse you of complete selfishness and heartlessness? Living the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.

There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can contact them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. Many consider this quality of their character to be a human virtue, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “no-failure” person in order to transfer some of your problems onto him.

However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?

People who cannot say “no” often do not have enough time for their own affairs and personal lives, although they can, at best, count on a dubious compliment as gratitude for their reliability.

A striking example of a reliable person and what the inability to refuse leads to is the old film “Autumn Marathon” with Oleg Basilashvili in the title role. The hero of the film is not young, but he never learned to refuse and live the way he wants. His life was almost over, but he never became a person because he always lived the way others wanted.

Reliable people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively take advantage of their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim is looking for an executioner. And even if the “non-refusal person” suddenly rebels and refuses to play the role of lifesaver, he will immediately be accused of complete selfishness and heartlessness.

There are golden words that everyone should remember: “Living the way you want is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others should think and live the way you want.”

Why are people afraid to say no?

People who fulfill other people's requests against their wishes most often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts, they really want to say “no,” but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they do not like at all.

Many people later regret what they once wanted, but were unable to say “no”.

Often, when people refuse, they say the word “no” as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some kind of unpleasant reaction will follow. Indeed, many are not used to being rejected, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relationships, etc.

Some people don't say “no” for fear of becoming unwanted and being left alone.
How to refuse politely?

By saying “no,” we often make enemies for ourselves. However, it is worth remembering that what is more important for us is to offend someone with a refusal or to take upon ourselves the fulfillment of obligations that burden us. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude manner. For example, the same diplomats try not to say “yes” or “no,” replacing them with the words “Let’s discuss this.”

When saying “no”, it is worth remembering that:

this word can protect against problems;

can mean “yes” if pronounced hesitantly;
successful people say “no” more often than “yes”;
by refusing what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.

There are several simple ways to politely refuse, which show that anyone can do this task.

1. Outright refusal

Some people believe that when refusing something, you must give a reason for the refusal. This is a misconception. First, explanations will look like excuses, and excuses will give the person asking hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, the lie may later be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincerely often gives himself away with his facial expressions and voice.

Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the refusal by saying: “No, I can’t do this,” “I don’t want to do this,” “I don’t have time for this.”

If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the “broken record” method, repeating the same words of refusal after each of his tirades. There is no need to interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say “no.”

This method is suitable for refusing aggressive and overly persistent people.

2. Compassionate refusal

This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to get their way with their requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but cannot help.

For example, “I’m very sorry for you, but I can’t help you.” Or “I see that it’s not easy for you, but I can’t solve your problem.”

3. Justified refusal

This is a fairly polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal or informal. It is suitable both when refusing to older people and when refusing to people occupying a higher position on the career ladder.

This refusal assumes that you give a valid reason why you cannot fulfill the request: “I can’t do this because I’m going to the theater with my child tomorrow,” etc.

It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing when using it is the brevity of the wording so that the person asking quickly grasps the essence.

4. Delayed refusal

This method can be used by people for whom refusing someone’s request is a psychological drama, and they almost automatically respond with consent to any request. People of this type often doubt that they are right and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.

Delayed refusal allows you to think about the situation and, if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say “no” immediately, but to ask for time to make a decision. This way you can insure yourself against rash steps.

A justified refusal might look like this: “I can’t answer right now because I don’t remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I have arranged to meet someone. I’ll need to look at my weekly planner to confirm.” Or “I need to consult at home,” “I need to think. I’ll tell you later,” etc.

You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.

5. Compromise refusal

Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unrealistic to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the terms of assistance - what and when we can and what we cannot.

For example, “I can take your child to school with mine, but just let him be ready by eight o’clock.” Or “I can help you do repairs, but only on Saturdays.”

If such conditions do not suit the requester, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.

6. Diplomatic refusal

It involves a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we don’t want or can’t, but together with the person asking, we look for a solution to the problem.

For example, “I can’t help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues.” Or “Perhaps I can help you in another way?”

In response to examples of different refusal techniques, one can argue that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk finding ourselves in a difficult situation where we will have nothing to count on anyone’s help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are accustomed to “playing with one goal”, believe that everyone is obliged to them and abuse the reliability of other people.

Useful tips

Saying no to another person is always difficult, and many of us take on obligations that we would like to avoid.

Sometimes we we agree out of politeness, but sometimes we just don’t know how to refuse a person.

Human nature is such that we want to be liked. b We want to be kind and pleasant to other people.

In many cases, not being able to say no can become a problem because,that we forget about ourselves and our needs, while at the same time trying not to hurt someone else's feelings.

If you're afraid to say no most of the time, you're doing yourself a disservice. It is important for you to set your priorities. By agreeing to everything, you risk simply burning out.

So how to refuse a person without offending him? Here are some tips, how to do it politely and tactfully.

How to learn to refuse people

1. Use the word "No."

Use " No", "Not this time", but not " I don't think so", "I'm not sure", "Maybe next time". The word “No” has incredible power. Use it if you are absolutely and definitely sure that there can be no other answer. And you don’t need to apologize for your answer. Practice saying the word “No” until you feel comfortable, pronouncing it.

2. Use decisive but polite options.

I appreciate your time, but no thanks.

Thank you for thinking of me, but my plate is already full.

No thanks!

Not today, thanks.

Not for me, thanks.

I'm afraid I can't.

I'm not that interested in yoga/hard rock/computer games, but thanks for asking.

I don't want to.

I think I'll refuse.

3. Don'tbe cunning.

This goes for family, friends, and even your boss. You don't have to come up with some elaborate ploy all the time - just say you don't want to. If you don't want to go to an event because you've had a rough week and would rather stay home and watch TV, say so. You shouldn't invent a dying grandmother to make your excuse more acceptable.

4. Don't keep explaining.

In some cases it is better not to go into details. If you make too many excuses, it will appear that you are lying, or it will allow the person asking you to find ways around it and get you to agree.

5. Don't be afraid to say it twice.

Some people don't respect other people's boundaries or are used to the person giving in if asked again. Don't give in just because someone is too persistent. Smile politely and say “No” again, even more firmly than the first time.

6. If necessary, say “because.”

Research has shown that the word "because" makes people agree with you, even if the reason is completely absurd. Instead of saying, "Sorry, I won't be able to make the appointment," try to give a reason to soften the refusal.

7. Smile and shake your head.

You can resort to this before leaving. This works when people on the streets are handing out leaflets or trying to get you to sign something.

8. Be relentless.

How to refuse a request

16. Don't delay.

There is no point in making someone wait for an answer if you know the answer will be no. Delaying a response only makes the situation worse. Don't say "I'll think about it" if you don't intend to.

17. You can change your answer.

Just because you agreed once doesn't mean you have to always do it.

18. Repeat this often.

The devil is not as scary as he is painted. The more you practice, the less scary it becomes. Start saying no to everything that doesn't add any value to your life.

19. What a pity!

When you say, "Sorry, I can't," while it softens your message and makes it polite, it sounds rather vague. It's better to say" What a pity, I would like to help, but I have already made an appointment with.... I wish you good luck".

20. Desire to please.

We often agree to things that aren't of primary importance because we don't want people to think badly of us. However, some people will still think badly of us, no matter how polite you are. So stop worrying about what other people will think and finally say “No.”

21. Get ahead of the request.

When you learn to say no, you will begin to proactively say “No” before the request comes up. If you think someone you know is going to invite you to their wedding, let them know you're broke.

22. Avoid those who constantly ask for things.

If you know someone who constantly asks for money without ever paying it back, avoid them, especially when you know they are going through such a period.

23. White lies.

Of course, most of the time you need to tell the truth, but sometimes you have to be creative with your answer. For example, if you know that your grandmother will try to persuade you to eat her pies, tell her that the doctor has forbidden you to eat flour unless you want to offend her. If grandma is very persistent, go back to tip number 2.

24. Not now.

You should only use this answer if you know for sure that you will consider this request later. For example, you could say that you will look into the matter when you return in a week. If the request is not urgent, do not drop everything, but say that you will take the job as soon as you complete your project.

How to refuse beautifully and competently

25. It's not about you, it's about me.

Use this phrase if you feel that the idea/person/activity is better suited to someone else, but that someone is not you. You can also say that it doesn't suit you.

26. It's not about me, it's about you.

Turn that phrase around and don't be afraid to say a firm "No" if you feel confident about it. For example, if you're a vegetarian and don't want to try "a little" of your aunt's meat, say, " Thanks, but you know I'm a vegetarian and would never try this"Draw the line when necessary, and people will respect your choice.

27. Show empathy .

Sometimes all it takes is empathy for the other person. For example, " I know it's unpleasant, but I can't, sorry".

28. You don't have to be nice all the time.

Do you need permission to refuse because you don't want to? Consider it given to you.

29. State your discomfort.

If a friend asks you to borrow money, say something like: " I don't like borrowing money, sorry".

How to refuse a job

30. I would like to help you.

Sometimes you need to be softer. " I'd like to help you with a project, but I'm swamped with work this week.".

31. Thanks, but no.

Sometimes, that's all that needs to be said. Or you can say the above phrase to soften the answer. Thus, you thank the person for contacting you, tactfully refusing him.

32. Use facial expressions and gestures.

Shake your head, raise your eyebrows, and sometimes roll your eyes. Use your body language to demonstrate that you mean business, even when you refuse politely.

33. Buy time.

Use this as a last resort, otherwise you risk being inundated with requests later. You're just postponing the inevitable, but if it helps you, you can say: " Let me think about it", "I'll check my schedule and tell you".

34. I'm flattered, but no, thank you.

Sometimes you need to be grateful that a person has asked you for something. For example, you were offered a promotion at work, but you didn’t want it.

35. I really shouldn't.

This answer is suitable for times when you would like to say "Yes", but feel that you should say no. For example, when you receive an unexpected gift. When you say this, the person will most likely respond so that you accept it without any doubt.

36. No way in the world!

This phrase should be used with caution, and perhaps only with friends.

37. I said "No."

This works with children or pushy consultants. Again, you need to be polite but firm.

38. This is not the best option.

This is a gentle way of saying “No” when, for example, someone asks you “Does this neon dress suit me?” Instead of responding harshly, say that this is not the best color and that you should try on a blue dress.

39. Mmm, no (accompanied by laughter)

Use this phrase carefully, for example, in cases where someone is asking you to work for free or is trying to insult you.

40. I know this is not the answer you were hoping for.

It is important to acknowledge the other person's feelings, and this response will help soften the rejection. If you know that the person is expecting something from you that you cannot do, say “No” and say this phrase.