How to forget a bad memory.

Sometimes we experience events or situations that we later want to forget or at least not remember. Erasing painful, unpleasant and unwanted memories is not so difficult if you fill your life with new emotions and learn to suppress memories from the past. The following instructions will help you begin to live a full life, freed from the heavy burden of memories.

Steps

Suppression of memories

1. Choose a memory you want to forget. Before you suppress a memory, you need to identify which memory is causing you discomfort. Perhaps this memory causes you emotional pain, for example, if it is associated with the death of a loved one or a specific moment of separation from a partner, which makes you sad. Recall the following details of the memory:

   • People who were present
   • Memories setting
   • The feelings you had at that moment
   • Emotional feelings associated with the memory

2. Determine what the memory is that has such an impact on you. Remember specific details that you wish you could forget.

   • You may not be able to forget the existence of your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, but you can forget specific dates, events and sensory memories. The smell of a particular perfume, the mention of a place or a television show that your partner liked - all of this can provoke unpleasant associations. Write down specific details on a piece of paper.
   • If you experienced certain traumatic events in high school, make a list of people who made fun of your name, for example, specific places that made you sad, or other sensory details such as the smell of the cafeteria, locker room, or gym.

3. Think about these specific details while doing something enjoyable. You can take classic measures to improve your own physical condition and begin to associate unpleasant memories with something good. Create a stimulus of pleasure by thinking about how you were made fun of during your school days, or the mental discomfort you felt when you separated from a loved one, listening to soothing music, taking a bath with scented candles, or drinking champagne and orange juice on your doorstep in summer time.

   • Your job is to make painful memories less bitter. For example, you refuse to eat pumpkin pie because your parents split up for Thanksgiving, but you won't be able to cope with painful memories unless you learn to associate them with something relaxing, enjoyable, and satisfying.
   • In addition, some experts recommend listening to white noise at high volumes to drown out the memories rather than associating them with something pleasant. Turn on the radio to an empty wavelength with interference or other white noise generators and mentally immerse yourself in painful memories.

4. Erase your memory. Special rituals also help cope with memories. Rituals help us change the way we think about things and cope with our experiences. Mentally imagine a memorable action that “destroys” the memory. You can think of a specific memory as a snapshot that you set on fire. Imagine this picture in every detail: the edges of the picture curl from the fire and turn black, after which they crumble, and the flame moves towards the middle of the picture until it all turns to ash.

   • This sounds like a cheap trick, but in fact it is a symbolic action that will help you mentally get rid of the memory if you begin to treat it as something that happened, but has passed, burned out.
   • Try to imagine everything in a different form. Imagine the bully who made fun of you as a car sinking in a pond, or a freight train falling into a narrow, deep gorge.

5. Go for hypnosis. If you are easily hypnotized, then this remedy will help you combat unwanted memories. Hypnosis produces a very relaxed state in which people are more susceptible to suggestion. Unfortunately, not everyone can be hypnotized, and even those susceptible to hypnosis experience only short-term effects. If you would like to try this remedy, find a professional hypnotist in your area. But be prepared for the fact that this is far from a quick solution to the problem, and you will not be able to erase unpleasant memories from your memory forever.

   Replacement of memories

   1. Find something fun to do. The simplest and wisest way to get rid of past memories involves experiencing new emotions. Even if you don't do anything directly related to the unpleasant memory, forming new memories will help you get the past out of your mind.

      • Start a new hobby
      • Read a lot of new books and watch a lot of new movies
      • Look for a new job
      • Consider moving to a new apartment or house

   2. Get rid of “irritating factors”. Research has shown that certain objects or photographs have a stimulating effect on memory. Therefore, it is in your best interests to put away such objects and photographs, which will help you in the fight against unpleasant memories. To remove objects from visibility, you need to completely transform your home or even move to another city and start a new life.

      • Throw away your ex-boyfriend's things, including photos, clothes, and even furniture. Get rid of the gifts he gave you. Even if you have positive feelings about an object or photo, in your mind they are intertwined with memories that you are trying to forget.

   3. Fill your mind with memories that have a similar effect on you. Research has shown that it is possible to remove memories from memory by replacing them with new ones. Take the opportunity to experience new feelings that are similar to those you have experienced before but want to forget. Your mind will begin to intertwine and associate these memories, and you will not be able to accurately remember the past, because you will replace the memories of the past with completely new, albeit similar experiences. For example:

      • If you want to forget that bad trip to San Francisco, try going on a similar trip. Visit San Jose, Oakland, Palo Alto, Los Angeles or Santa Cruz. Buy new T-shirts, take photos on the beach, and try new restaurants in these cities to get rid of your San Francisco memories.
      • If you can't forget your ex-boyfriend's cologne, go to a perfume store. Smell all the men's colognes, filling your mind with new sensations and smells.
      • Go on dates. Meeting new people will help create new memories and forget the past.
   • To get rid of intrusive thoughts, you need to replace them with other thoughts and start thinking about something else that will help you feel better.
   • Try to close your eyes and start meditating, imagining everything that happened to you from a different perspective. For example, if you want to forget a memory in which you felt shame, during meditation you need to imagine that you are in your memory, but you are behaving differently than you should have behaved at that time.
   • Meditate while listening to soothing music. Just concentrate on the memory. You may find it difficult to remain calm if the memory causes you pain, but the most important thing here is to calm down and not get angry. After half an hour or so, you will feel that this memory no longer bothers you. It doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
   • Listening to audio books and actively concentrating on the events described helps in the fight against memories. Choose something unobtrusive, but interesting and able to distract you. This method is simple but very effective.
   • Be patient. Each method will take some time and require repeating the process to achieve success. Don't be discouraged if you don't succeed the first time, but keep trying. If necessary, seek help from a specialist.

There have been periods in every person's life that they would like to erase from their memory. Some, despite all the difficulties, pull themselves together and move to a new level, only occasionally remembering the upheavals that have occurred; others cannot help but constantly think about the past, thereby depriving themselves of the chance to be happy in the present and future. No matter what burden of the past haunts you: parting with a loved one, missed opportunities, death of loved ones, betrayal of friends, guilt... Now is the time to forget the past forever and start living in the present. How to stop living in the past?

Don't think about the past: why doesn't it let us go?

Many people wonder: why do some people, having experienced very serious shocks and trials, quickly recover and start a new life, while others fall into long-term depression and cannot stop living in the past after the unsuccessful end of a two-month affair?

Psychology can give answers to this; a lot here depends on age, the atmosphere in which a person lived in childhood, on the type of character and personality. And, even if you consider yourself to be a weak type who takes any life trials to heart, it does not mean that you are not able to cope on your own and not think about the past.

Most often, we cannot forget the past and live in the present, because we feel guilty for the current situation, we are tormented by thoughts that we could have acted differently - and thereby change the ending...

...Sometimes the past does not let us forget about itself, because we do not let go of past grievances, we believe that we were treated unfairly.

Our bad memories are like a suitcase with useless junk that we habitually carry with us everywhere... Do you need such a load?

...And sometimes we can’t forget the past and live in the present because we like this state of self-pity, we are not ready to change, grow, we feel comfortable sitting in our shell, cherishing our grief, closing ourselves off from the entire world around us. This is such masochism. How can you change the situation and start enjoying life again?

How to forget the past and start living in the present: 5 steps to a happy life

Healing from old wounds is a complex and often long process, but no matter what lies behind us, each of us can stop living in the past. Here are the steps that will help you get rid of your worries forever:

1. First step- realize that the past is past, that it is thoughts about it that prevent you from living fully in the present and planning the future. Of course, this is not easy to do, but do you really want to breathe deeply again?

2. Step two- Sorry. Now it doesn’t matter who is to blame for what happened in the past, and who caused the offense: you or those who offended you. It is impossible to turn back time, everything has already been done, and your suffering today will not change the accomplished fact. Mentally ask for forgiveness or forgive, you can go to church. If you have offended a person and know how to contact him, you can call and apologize. That's all. Turn the page. People have the right to make mistakes: you and your loved ones are no exception. If you think that what you did earlier is too serious or you have no one to apologize to, switch to caring about others. You can't change what happened, but you can help others and make their lives better. Volunteering in orphanages, nursing homes or homeless animal shelters - think in this direction.

3. Step three– don’t be sorry. Regret about missed opportunities, wasted time, broken relationships is the road to nowhere. Regrets, as well as self-pity, are generally extremely destructive feelings. Try to look at the situation from a different point of view: you have gained experience, you have learned from your mistakes, you will no longer allow this situation to happen in your life. And guess what? By suffering and constantly feeling sorry for yourself, you destroy not only your life, but also the lives of your loved ones, who find it difficult to see you in such a state. Don't you feel sorry for them?

4. Step four- reboot. If the pain is still fresh, you are bursting with negative emotions from within, do not try to be strong, allow yourself to scream, cry, break a cup for one day. You can go to the gym and furiously beat the punching bag. Throw out the pain - this will make it easier to forget the past and start living in the present.

5. Step five– replacement rule. Think about how much time and energy you waste on empty things - not letting go of past grievances and feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, you could change for the better. To begin with, you can go to the salon, change your hair color, get a manicure, radically change your image, or finally start searching. Sign up for driving courses, learning a foreign language, and handicrafts. And most importantly, go in for sports. Yoga is great for getting rid of unnecessary thoughts. If you take on new interests and hobbies in your life, there will simply be no room left for regret and thoughts about the burden of the past.

In general, it seems to me that one of the most effective ways to forget the past- clear the physical space around you: , spend (read where p led me), organize little things like books and... Having let go of things from your past life, you physically feel how life is changing!

Getting rid of the burden of the past and letting go of past grievances is much easier than you think now, the main thing is to start acting right now. In just a few days you will be drawn into a new, happy and interesting life.

Hello, dear readers! Our whole life is a series of events. Some are forgotten instantly, while others can cause pain for a considerable time. They spoil your mood, cause negative feelings and complicate the future.

Today we will talk about how to forget unpleasant memories. You will learn how they are formed, how they actually affect your life, why you concentrate on them and how the previous life once and for all.

Where do memories come from?

As a rule, memories do not come out of nowhere. They are caused by other people's words, new events, some objects with which you have a connection. They can be destroyed and created. At one time we constantly think about rest, another we devote to relationships with a person, and a third to an unpleasant episode.

Your brain tries to keep close information that is important to you, but it is not able to judge its “importance” itself. Therefore, if you often think about a certain moment, the brain assigns this situation the category “significant” and deliberately resumes the process at every opportunity.

In addition to frequency, intensity and emotionality also matter to the brain. We devote more time to some thoughts, while we consider others to be “thought out far and wide.” These events fade into the background.

A person is not able to influence his own brain and change the category of significance of an event, but he can contribute to the fact that the memory fades into the background. To do this, you need to try to devote as little time as possible to unpleasant thoughts from the past. You cannot get rid of a sudden impulse of thought, but you calmly control the discussion: it’s up to you to devote an hour to it or just a few minutes.

You will not find anything new if you constantly pour the problem from empty to empty. Perhaps you like to share your emotions and the state that this event causes. Remember that the longer you continue to do this, the longer the damage to your psyche will continue.

You need to remove your emotional attachment. Make it real.

Emotionality

More than once I have come across articles from the Internet on psychology on this topic, in which people are advised to avoid places and events that evoke unpleasant memories. I don't entirely agree with this recommendation. Firstly, because most often it is quite difficult to do, and, secondly, it is not entirely correct.

Let's talk a little about something pleasant. The process is the same. Think back to your last vacation. When you were just returning from it, a program on TV or the word “travel” from the lips of a friend evoked a wave of emotions, memories of the beach, sea, cities and museums, as well as a long story about a recent trip. Time passed, and the story became shorter and less emotional.

By avoiding, you replace some unpleasant emotions with others and continue. You increase the time to overcome. You carry a burden within yourself, deliberately try to avoid certain places, and drown out the pain. At the same time, notice that you do not stop thinking about the incident.

Sooner or later, you will have to face something that will cause a relapse, but if in a normal rhythm by this time it would no longer cause so many feelings, then if it lasts for a long time it will become much brighter. You risk not just encountering an object that evokes unpleasant memories, but looking into the eyes of real fear.

Imagine you have a child and he is afraid of clowns. You try in every possible way to protect him from the object: do not go to toy stores, avoid circuses and public events. At age 12, when he returns from school, he finally encounters a clown. Do you think he will forget about his phobia or will he run home pale and in shock? Wouldn't it be better to slowly teach him that there is nothing demonic about clowns?

Don’t be afraid to face what revives in you, but try to talk and think about them less and less.

One frank conversation

First of all, you should discuss in detail an event from the past that evokes emotions in you. Ideally, it would be nice to discuss it with a psychologist, but you can also talk to a friend.

Discuss to your heart's content, don't be afraid to share. You must speak out and achieve maximum results. You should not have unspoken thoughts that will continue to torment your soul. Decide everything so as not to continue to look for new conclusions.

I can also recommend you a book Jose Silva "Mind Control", in which you will find real techniques to reduce the pressure of an event on the psyche, as well as many other valuable recommendations for improving your life.

See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

Memory is one of the most important, influencing his entire life. And many people take the problem of developing their memory skills very seriously. Fortunately, there are a huge number of opportunities today: various trainings, courses, seminars and other training programs. If a person has a need to improve his memory, he can easily find suitable materials. However, much less attention is paid to the problem of forgetting, although its importance is no less. After all, many of us often have a desire to get rid of some memories, feelings from the past, and simply free our memory from unnecessary information. This is exactly what we decided to talk about.

Among the many methods designed to improve memory, there are special methods designed for intentional forgetting. Their totality is called flying technology. The term itself is rooted in Greek mythology, in which the well-known river Lethe was often mentioned (remember the common expression “sink into oblivion”). Lethe is the river of oblivion, which was located in the underground domain of Hades. Dead souls who entered his kingdom, having drunk water from Lethe, forever forgot that they had ever lived.

So what are the benefits of flying technology and what exactly is it used for? To begin with, it is worth saying that the property of human memory to forget is its integral component, because thanks to it, mnemonic processes are complete. And many Russian and foreign psychologists have talked and are talking about this. It is the ability to forget that helps a person erase from memory something that happened in the past, but has a destructive effect on the psyche and personality in the present, as well as any information that is irrelevant at the moment. These are the two main reasons why it is recommended to master forgetting techniques.

There are two main flight methods: suppression and removal. Let's consider each of them separately.

Suppression

This method is considered specifically as a psychotherapeutic one, i.e. thanks to him, it becomes possible to forget what has a traumatic effect on the psyche. Often some memories of negative events bother people and come to mind more and more often because of their vivid emotional coloring. A person begins to react sharply to this, to be afraid of these memories, and they become stronger. To eliminate these and other various obsessive thoughts, two exercises are usually used.

"Burning Letter"

Write down on a piece of paper all the memories that make you feel negative emotions. Describe them in full detail. Then take this sheet, crumple it and place it in a pre-prepared fireproof container. Set fire to the crumpled sheet. Watch the flame. And while the leaf burns, imagine how all the memories that bother you burn with it, and then turn into ashes. As soon as the paper completely burns out, scatter the ashes to the wind, throwing them, for example, out the window.

The essence of this exercise is that it not only helps you get rid of unnecessary memories, but also becomes their master. It is by having the opportunity to manage his memories that a person can get rid of them. This may even be unpleasant to some extent, but the result is worth it, because a person no longer needs to defend himself from annoying thoughts or suppress them, because he can simply describe them and burn them. And fire, as we know, has always been the best psychotherapist for people: looking at it, people were cleansed of what was psychologically pressing on them, “threw a heavy burden off their shoulders.” If a person has a vivid imagination, he is able to almost literally imagine how his troubles and misfortunes burn together with the paper, freeing his memory from a heavy burden.

"TV"

Sit in a comfortable chair or sofa and take a comfortable body position. Try to project your negative experiences in detail onto a large television screen created in your imagination. After that, pick up the same imaginary remote control and turn off the sound of your “movie”. Watch it as a silent movie. Then gradually make the image blurry and dull. Imagine that it becomes less and less bright and disappears completely.

The most important thing in this exercise is not to rush. There is no need to try to complete the entire exercise in a couple of minutes. On the contrary, you need the process to be as detailed as possible. For example, you can imagine how, after the picture disappears, you turn off the TV, unplug the power cord, pick up the TV, bring it to the window and throw it away.

You can also get creative with the film itself: change the plot from drama to comedy. Model the continuation of the situation in a comical version, put a funny melody or a stupid song on the image, imagine that the role is played not by you, but by one of the comedians. Become the director of your memories - this way you can manage and control them. If you don't need them, throw them out of your “video library”.

Even if “Burning Letter” and “TV” do not completely rid you of memories, you will no longer be afraid of them in any case. And if you are not afraid of them, then they will probably become indifferent to you. And what is indifferent to a person rarely disturbs his memory.

Removal

This is the second flying method. It is intended to a greater extent to remove from memory information that has lost its relevance and represents only mental and emotional garbage. Several exercises can be distinguished in the removal technique.

"Flight technical rag"

For example, your memory contains unnecessary images (words, people, pictures, data), which, although they do not have a negative effect, distract your attention and interfere with concentration, free flow of thoughts, etc. Imagine all this information figuratively reflected on a large chalk board. Then imagine taking a wet rag and erasing all those blocks of this information that you don’t need. In empty spaces, new images may form, related to the previous ones or associated with those nearby. Take the rag again and continue washing. Do this until nothing appears in the empty space. This technique is suitable if there is little information, because... you can divide the board into several sectors and clear each of them in turn.

"Images on Film"

There are cases when the amount of information is large and a simple “flying rag” may not work. Then you can transform this technique a little. Imagine that all the images being recreated are displayed on the same board, but only it is covered with an opaque film. Fill this entire film with unnecessary data, and then simply pull it off the board, immediately freeing up a large space on a new film stretched over the same board. The presented technique was used at one time by the outstanding Soviet and Russian journalist, professional mnemonist and owner of a phenomenal memory, Solomon Veniaminovich Shereshevsky.

Recording

This is another technique that S.V. used. Shereshevsky. He said that he always found it funny that people write down everything they want to remember, because if a person writes it down, why should he remember it? He decided that if he wrote something down, then he did not need to remember it. This became one of the laws of forgetting developed by Shereshevsky, which he began to apply whenever he needed to forget something not particularly important: telephone numbers, people's names, etc. You can use this technique too. Just note that the more a person writes down, the less he uses his memory, and the less he uses his memory, the less trained it is and the less he can remember. Therefore, the less he writes down, the more he will train his memory, and the more he will remember. And it turns out that the information being recorded is information that should not be imprinted in memory, which means it can be safely forgotten. A very good reception, although to many it seems somewhat paradoxical.

In conclusion, I would like to add that the more you practice forgetting unnecessary information, the faster you will master this skill. After some time, the need to use any techniques will disappear by itself, because... You can forget any information and erase memories only with the help of one volitional effort, by giving your brain the appropriate command.

Don't forget to leave a comment. We will also be interested to know which of the forgetting techniques discussed seems most effective to you.

Chances are, we all have memories that people would like to forget. A disturbing incident, an embarrassing situation, humiliation, insults from a loved one - it could be anything. And no matter how hard you try to forget it, the memory resists.

There is no need to suppress all unpleasant thoughts. There are times when you need to reflect on what went wrong so you can learn from your mistakes and move on. But when the only effect of your thoughts is to prolong the pain, you need to get rid of them and move on.

Recent research suggests that people can program themselves to forget things on purpose. Here's how to forget what you don't want to remember.

Drive away bad thoughts

Making a conscious decision not to think about bad memories can help erase them forever. When you are reminded of something you don't want to think about, don't let your mind think about it.

Forget all the details associated with memories

To get rid of bad memories, forget about the details, people, and emotions associated with them. Details may include smells, sounds or images associated with an event you do not want to remember. For example, if you don't want to think about a traumatic event, remove the details associated with it from your mind. It could be the song playing in the background or the faces that were looking at you at the time.

Do this daily

Suppressing unpleasant memories is difficult. Any thought that is suppressed tends to ricochet. For example, if you want to block the emotions associated with a car accident, your brain looks for any thought about it to block it. This makes it, so to speak, more accessible. That is, when you don’t block it, the thought rushes back and again haunts you. Thus, you need to block memories on a daily basis. You need to regularly push them out of your consciousness.

Don't focus too much on blocking thoughts

Blocked thoughts tend to come to life faster and more strongly when you give them too much meaning and attention. Recognize the fact that suppressing thoughts is very difficult, but you must continue to work at it, while trying not to overdo it.

Avoid triggers

Certain images, objects, smells or places may trigger bad memories for you. Remove objects or images that are preventing you from forgetting something you don't want to remember from your mind. Avoid places or meeting people that remind you of your painful past.

Distract your mind

Another strategy you can try is to replace the bad memory with something good. If the thought of a past failure continues to haunt you, try thinking about how you succeeded at something in the past. Don't let bad memories affect your mood. As soon as they wash over you, start thinking about something good.

Associate something positive with a bad memory

Learn to associate negative thoughts with positive ones. This will help you overcome bad feelings. For example, think about your bad moment while enjoying a good movie, or do something that makes you happy. A positive association will make your negative memory less painful.

Become aware of the memory

Another theory suggests that becoming fully aware of the memory and the negative emotions associated with it will help you cope with painful emotions. Feel angry, sad, or hurt. Squeal, scream, cry. Let go of your emotions to reduce their power over you.

Use a release ritual to erase your memory

This is a mental exercise, a kind of ritual to free yourself from negative emotions or memories that have settled in your mind. Write down every detail of the memory that you want to forget. Allow yourself to write openly, knowing that no one will read it. Then you need to burn the sheet of paper. When you see that the paper is on fire, you mentally release the memory. Alternatively, you can also tear or shred the paper into small pieces, this also helps a lot.

Practice mindfulness

Learn to focus on the present moment instead of thinking and worrying about your past, which cannot be changed or predicted in the future. Don't go through your day on autopilot. Notice and pay attention to small details, sights, smells and sounds. Regular meditation practice will help you to be mindful and appreciate every moment of life.

Live your life to the fullest and create good memories

Always be around people who make you happy. If possible, travel and meet new people. Communicate as much as possible. This will help you form new good memories, which will naturally make your bad memories disappear.

Don't sit idle

Invent a new hobby or physical activity. Devote yourself to creativity and take part in arts and crafts activities. Spend your energy creating something new, or try yourself as a volunteer. You will be constantly busy and have less time to spend thinking about bad memories.

Talk to someone about it

Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help. Their advice, opinions and similar stories can give you a different perspective on things and help you forget what you don't want to remember.

By following all these tips, you will be able to erase bad memories from your memory and gain complete control over your life.