Who are these new people? “new people” in the novel N.G.

In a certain kingdom, in a certain state, there lived a landowner, he lived and looked at the light and rejoiced. He had enough of everything: peasants, bread, livestock, land, and gardens. And that landowner was stupid, he read the newspaper “Vest” and his body was soft, white and crumbly.

One day this landowner only prayed to God:

God! I am pleased with everything from you, I have been rewarded with everything! Only one thing is unbearable to my heart: there are too many peasants in our kingdom!

But God knew that the landowner was stupid and did not heed his request.

The landowner sees that the peasant is not decreasing every day, but everything is increasing, - he sees and fears: “Well, how will he take all my goods?”

The landowner will look at the newspaper “Vest”, as he should do in this case, and read: “Try!”

Only one word has been written, says the stupid landowner, and it’s a golden word!

And he began to try, and not just somehow, but everything according to the rule. Whether a peasant chicken wanders into the master's oats - now, as a rule, it is in the soup; Whether a peasant is going to chop wood in secret in the master's forest - now this same firewood is going to the master's yard, and, as a rule, the chopper is subject to a fine.

Nowadays these fines affect them more! - the landowner says to his neighbors, - because for them it is clearer.

The men see: although their landowner is stupid, he has a great mind. He reduced them so that there is nowhere to stick your nose out: no matter where you look, everything is prohibited, not allowed, and not yours! The cattle goes out to drink - the landowner shouts: “My water!”, the chicken wanders out of the outskirts - the landowner shouts: “My land!” And the earth, and the water, and the air - everything became his! There was no torch to light the peasant's light, there was no rod to sweep out the hut with. So the peasants prayed to the Lord God all over the world:

God! It’s easier for us to perish with our children than to suffer like this all our lives!

The merciful God heard the orphan’s tearful prayer, and there was no more man throughout the entire domain of the stupid landowner. No one noticed where the man had gone, but people only saw when suddenly a chaff whirlwind arose and, like a black cloud, the peasant's long trousers flew through the air. The landowner went out onto the balcony, sniffed and smelled: the air in all his possessions had become pure, pure. Naturally, I was pleased. He thinks: “Now I’ll pamper my white body, my white, loose, crumbly body!”

And he began to live and live and began to think how he could console his soul.

“I’ll run my own theater, he thinks!” I’ll write to the actor Sadovsky: come, dear friend! and bring the actors with you!”

The actor Sadovsky listened to him: he came and brought the actors. He only sees that the landowner’s house is empty and there is no one to put up a theater or raise the curtain.

Where have you put your peasants? - Sadovsky asks the landowner.

But God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!

However, brother, you stupid landowner! Who gives you a wash, stupid one?

Yes, I go unwashed for how many days!

So, are you planning to grow champignons on your face? - said Sadovsky, and with this word he left and took the actors away.

The landowner remembered that he had four general acquaintances nearby; thinks: “Why am I playing grand solitaire and grand solitaire all the time! I’ll try to play a game or two with the five generals!”

No sooner said than done: I wrote the invitations, set the day and sent the letters to the address. Although the generals were real, they were hungry, and therefore they arrived very quickly. They arrived and couldn’t wonder why the landowner’s air was so clean.

And this is because,” the landowner boasts, “that God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!”

Oh, how good it is! - the generals praise the landowner, - so now you won’t have that slave smell at all?

“Not at all,” the landowner answers.

They played a bullet, played another; The generals feel that their time has come to drink vodka, they become restless and look around.

You, gentlemen generals, must have wanted a snack? - asks the landowner.

It wouldn't be bad, Mr. Landowner!

He got up from the table, went to the cupboard and took out a lollipop and a printed gingerbread for each person.

What is this? - the generals ask, widening their eyes at him.

Here, have a bite of what God sent you!

Yes, we would like some beef! We'd like some beef!

Well, I don’t have any beef for you, gentlemen generals, because since God delivered me from the peasant, the stove in the kitchen has not been heated!

The generals became angry with him, so that even their teeth began to chatter.

But do you eat something yourself? - they attacked him.

I eat some raw materials, but I still have gingerbread...

However, brother, you are a stupid landowner! - said the generals and, without finishing the bullets, scattered to their homes.

The landowner sees that another time he will be honored as a fool, and was about to think, but since at that time a deck of cards caught his eye, he gave up on everything and began to play grand solitaire.

Let's see, he says, gentlemen, liberals, who will defeat whom! I will prove to you what true strength of soul can do!

He lays out the “ladies’ whim” and thinks: “If it comes out three times in a row, then we must not look.” And as luck would have it, no matter how many times he lays it out, everything comes out, everything comes out! There wasn't even any doubt left in him.

If, he says, fortune itself indicates, then we must remain firm to the end. And now, while I’ve had enough of playing grand solitaire, I’ll go and study!

And so he walks, walks around the rooms, then sits down and sits. And he thinks everything. He thinks what kind of cars he will order from England, so that everything is steam and steam, and so that there is no servile spirit at all. He thinks about what kind of fruit garden he will plant: “Here there will be pears and plums; here are peaches, here are walnuts!” He looks out the window - and there everything is as he intended, everything is exactly as it is! They're breaking through pike command, under the load of fruits there are pear, peach, apricot trees, and just know he collects the fruits with machines and puts them in his mouth! He thinks what kind of cows he will raise, that there is no skin, no meat, but all milk, all milk! He thinks about what kind of strawberries he will plant, all double and triple, five berries per pound, and how many of these strawberries he will sell in Moscow. Finally he gets tired of thinking and goes to the mirror to look - and there’s already an inch of dust in there...

In a certain kingdom, in a certain state, there lived a landowner, he lived and looked at the light and rejoiced. He had enough of everything: peasants, bread, livestock, land, and gardens. And that landowner was stupid, he read the newspaper “Vest” (the organ of the reactionary noble opposition of the 60s of the 19th century - Ed.) and his body was soft, white and crumbly.

One day this landowner only prayed to God:

God! I am pleased with everything from you, I have been rewarded with everything! Only one thing is unbearable to my heart: there are too many peasants in our kingdom!

But God knew that the landowner was stupid and did not heed his request.

The landowner sees that the peasant is not decreasing every day, but everything is increasing, - he sees and fears: “Well, how will he take all my goods?”

The landowner will look into the newspaper “Vest”, as he should do in this case, and read: “Try!”

Only one word has been written, says the stupid landowner, and it’s a golden word!

And he began to try, and not just somehow, but everything according to the rule. Whether a peasant chicken wanders into the master's oats - now, as a rule, it is in the soup; Whether a peasant is going to chop wood in secret in the master's forest - now this same firewood is going to the master's yard, and, as a rule, the chopper is subject to a fine.

Nowadays these fines affect them more! - the landowner says to his neighbors, - because for them it is clearer.

The men see: although their landowner is stupid, he has a great mind. He reduced them so that there is nowhere to stick your nose out: no matter where you look, everything is prohibited, not allowed, and not yours! A cattle goes out to drink - the landowner shouts: “My water!”, a chicken wanders into the outskirts - the landowner shouts: “My land!” And the earth, and the water, and the air - everything became his! There was no torch to light the peasant's light, there was no rod to sweep out the hut with. So the peasants prayed to the Lord God with all their peace:

God! It’s easier for us to perish with our children than to suffer like this all our lives!

The merciful God heard the orphan’s tearful prayer, and there was no more man throughout the entire domain of the stupid landowner. No one noticed where the man had gone, but people only saw when suddenly a chaff whirlwind arose and, like a black cloud, the peasant's long trousers flew through the air. The landowner went out onto the balcony, sniffed and smelled: the air in all his possessions had become pure, pure. Naturally, I was pleased. He thinks: “Now I’ll pamper my white body, my white, loose, crumbly body!”

And he began to live and live and began to think how he could console his soul.

“I’ll run my own theater, he thinks! I’ll write to the actor Sadovsky: come, dear friend! And bring the actors with you!”

The actor Sadovsky listened to him: he came and brought the actors. He only sees that the landowner’s house is empty, and there is no one to put up the theater, and there is no one to raise the curtain.

Where have you put your peasants? - Sadovsky asks the landowner.

But God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!

However, brother, you stupid landowner! Who gives you a wash, stupid one?

Yes, I go unwashed for how many days!

So, are you planning to grow champignons on your face? - said Sadovsky, and with this word he left and took the actors away.

The landowner remembered that he had four general acquaintances nearby; thinks: “Why am I playing grand solitaire and grand solitaire all the time! I’ll try to play a game or two with the five generals!”

No sooner said than done: I wrote the invitations, set the day and sent the letters to the address. Although the generals were real, they were hungry, and therefore they arrived very quickly. They arrived and couldn’t wonder why the landowner’s air was so clean.

And this is because,” the landowner boasts, “that God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!”

Oh, how good it is! - the generals praise the landowner, - so now you won’t have that slave smell at all?

“Not at all,” the landowner answers.

They played a bullet, played another; The generals feel that their time has come to drink vodka, they become restless and look around.

You, gentlemen generals, must have wanted a snack? - asks the landowner.

It wouldn't be bad, Mr. Landowner!

He got up from the table, went to the cupboard and took out a lollipop and a printed gingerbread for each person.

What is this? - the generals ask, widening their eyes at him.

Here, have a bite of what God sent you!

Yes, we would like some beef! We'd like some beef!

Well, I don’t have any beef for you, gentlemen generals, because since God delivered me from the peasant, the stove in the kitchen has not been lit!

The generals became angry with him, so that even their teeth began to chatter.

But do you eat something yourself? - they attacked him.

I eat some raw materials, but I still have gingerbread...

However, brother, you are a stupid landowner! - said the generals and, without finishing the bullets, scattered to their homes.

The landowner sees that another time he will be honored as a fool, and was about to think, but since at that time a deck of cards caught his eye, he gave up on everything and began to play grand solitaire.

Let's see, he says, gentlemen, liberals, who will defeat whom! I will prove to you what true strength of soul can do!

He lays out the “ladies’ whim” and thinks:

“If it happens three times in a row, then you should not look.” And as luck would have it, no matter how many times he lays it out, everything comes out, everything comes out! There wasn't even any doubt left in him.

If, he says, fortune itself indicates, then we must remain firm to the end. And now, while I’ve had enough of playing grand solitaire, I’ll go and practice!

And so he walks, walks around the rooms, then sits down and sits. And he thinks everything. He thinks what kind of cars he will order from England, that everything will be steam, and steam, and that there will be no servile spirit at all. He thinks about what kind of fruit garden he will plant: “Here there will be pears and plums; here there will be peaches, here there will be walnuts!” He looks out the window - and there everything is as he intended, everything is exactly as it is! At the behest of a pike, the pear, peach, and apricot trees are bursting under the load of fruit, and he just collects the fruit with machines and puts it in his mouth! He thinks what kind of cows he will raise, that there is no skin, no meat, but all milk, all milk! He thinks about what kind of strawberries he will plant, all double and triple, five berries per pound, and how many of these strawberries he will sell in Moscow. Finally he gets tired of thinking and goes to the mirror to look - and there’s already an inch of dust in there...

Senka! - he will suddenly shout, having forgotten himself, but then he will come to his senses and say, - well, let him stand like this for the time being! and I’ll prove to these liberals what firmness of soul can do!

It will loom in this manner until it gets dark - and go to sleep!

And in a dream, dreams are even more fun than in reality. He dreams that the governor himself found out about his landowner’s inflexibility and asked the police officer: “What kind of tough son of a hen do you have in your district?” Then he dreams that he was made a minister for this very inflexibility, and he walks around in ribbons and writes circulars: “Be firm and not look!” Then he dreams that he walks along the banks of the Euphrates and the Tigris... (according to biblical legends, in paradise. - Ed.)

Eva, my friend! - he says.

But now I’ve reconsidered everything: I have to get up.

Senka! - he shouts again, having forgotten himself, but suddenly he remembers... and hangs his head.

However, what should you do? - he asks himself, - if only some devil had been carried away by the difficult one!

And at this word, the police captain himself suddenly arrives. The stupid landowner was incredibly happy about him; ran to the cupboard, took out two printed gingerbread cookies and thought: “Well, this one seems to be satisfied!”

Tell me, please, Mr. Landowner, by what miracle did all your temporary workers suddenly disappear? - asks the police officer.

And so and so, God, through my prayer, completely cleared all my possessions from the peasant.

Yes, sir; But don’t you know, Mr. Landowner, who will pay the taxes for them?

Taxes?.. that's them! it's themselves! This is their most sacred duty and responsibility!

Yes, sir; and in what manner can this tax be collected from them, if, through your prayer, they are scattered across the face of the earth?

This... I don’t know... I, for my part, don’t agree to pay!

Do you know, Mr. Landowner, that the treasury cannot exist without taxes and duties, and even more so without wine and salt regalia (state monopoly on sales. - Ed.)?

Well... I'm ready! a glass of vodka... I'll pay!

Do you know that, by your mercy, we cannot buy a piece of meat or a pound of bread in our market? do you know what it smells like?

Have mercy! I, for my part, am ready to sacrifice! here are two whole gingerbread cookies!

You are stupid, Mr. Landowner! - said the police officer, turned and left without even looking at the printed gingerbread cookies.

This time the landowner thought seriously. Now the third person is honoring him as a fool, the third person will look and look at him, spit and walk away. Is he really a fool? Could it be that the inflexibility that he so cherished in his soul, when translated into ordinary language, means only stupidity and madness? and is it really, as a result of his inflexibility alone, that both taxes and regalia stopped, and it became impossible to get a pound of flour or a piece of meat at the market?

And as stupid a landowner as he was, at first he even snorted with pleasure at the thought of what kind of trick he had played, but then he remembered the words of the police officer: “Do you know what this smells like?” - and got scared in earnest:

He began, as usual, to walk back and forth through the rooms and kept thinking: “What does this smell like? Does it smell like some kind of settlement? For example, Cheboksary? Or, perhaps, Varnavin?”

At least to Cheboksary, or something! at least the world would be convinced of what firmness of soul means! - says the landowner, and secretly thinks to himself:

“In Cheboksary, maybe I would have seen my dear man!”

The landowner walks around, sits, and walks around again. Whatever it comes to, everything seems to say so:

“You’re stupid, Mr. Landowner!” He sees a mouse running across the room and sneaking towards the cards with which he played grand solitaire and has already oiled them enough to whet the mouse’s appetite with them.

Kshsh... - he rushed at the mouse. But the mouse was smart and understood that the landowner could not do him any harm without Senka. He just wagged his tail in response to the landowner’s menacing exclamation and a moment later he was already looking at him from under the sofa, as if saying: “Wait, stupid landowner! Or else it will happen! I’ll eat not only the cards, but also your robe, like you You'll oil him up properly!"

How much time has passed, the landowner only sees that in his garden the paths are overgrown with thistles, the bushes are swarming with snakes and all sorts of reptiles, and in the park wild animals are howling. One day a bear approached the estate itself, squatted down, looked through the windows at the landowner and licked its lips.

Senka! - the landowner cried out, but suddenly remembered... and began to cry.

However, the strength of his soul still did not leave him. Several times he weakened, but as soon as he felt that his heart would begin to dissolve, he would rush to the newspaper “Vest” and in one minute become hardened again.

No, I’d rather go completely wild, I’d rather be with wild animals wander through the forests, but let no one say that the Russian nobleman, Prince Urus-Kuchum-Kildibaev, has abandoned his principles!

And so he went wild. Although autumn had already arrived at this time, and there was a fair frost, he did not even feel the cold. He was all overgrown with hair, from head to toe, like the ancient Esau, and his nails became like iron. He had long ago stopped blowing his nose, but walked more and more on all fours and was even surprised how he had not noticed before that this way of walking was the most decent and most convenient. He even lost the ability to utter articulate sounds and acquired some kind of special victory cry, a cross between a whistle, a hiss and a roar. But I haven't acquired a tail yet.

He will go out to his park, in which he once basked his body, loose, white, crumbly, like a cat, in an instant, climb to the very top of the tree and guard from there. The hare will come running, stand on its hind legs and listen to see if there is any danger from somewhere - and he’ll be right there. It’s like an arrow will jump from a tree, grab onto its prey, tear it apart with its nails, and so on with all the insides, even the skin, and eat it.

And he became terribly strong, so strong that he even considered himself entitled to enter into friendly relations with the very bear who had once looked at him through the window.

Do you want, Mikhailo Ivanovich, to go rabbit hunting together? - he said to the bear.

To want - why not to want! - answered the bear, - only, brother, you destroyed this guy in vain.

And why?

But because this man was far more capable than your nobleman brother. And therefore I will tell you straight: you are a stupid landowner, even though you are my friend!

Meanwhile, although the police captain patronized the landowners, in view of such a fact as the disappearance of a peasant from the face of the earth, he did not dare to remain silent. The provincial authorities were also alarmed by his report and wrote to him: “What do you think, who will pay taxes now? Who will drink wine in taverns? Who will engage in innocent activities?” The captain-police officer answers: the treasury should now be abolished, but innocent occupations were abolished by themselves, and instead of them, robberies, robbery and murders spread in the district. The other day, even he, the police officer, was nearly killed by some kind of bear, not a bear, not a man, and he suspects that same stupid landowner who is the instigator of all the troubles is the bear-man.

The bosses became concerned and convened a council. They decided to catch the peasant and install him, and to instill in the most delicate manner the stupid landowner, who is the instigator of all the troubles, so that he stops his fanfare and does not interfere with the flow of taxes to the treasury.

As luck would have it, at this time provincial town An emerging swarm of men flew and showered the entire market square. Now they took this grace, put him in a whip and sent him to the district.

And suddenly there was again a smell of chaff and sheepskins in that district; but at the same time, flour, meat, and all kinds of livestock appeared at the market, and so many taxes arrived in one day that the treasurer, seeing such a pile of money, just clasped his hands in surprise and cried out:

And where do you scoundrels get it from!!

“What happened, however, to the landowner?” - readers will ask me. To this I can say that although with great difficulty, but he was also caught. Having caught it, they immediately blew their nose, washed it and cut their nails. Then the police captain made him a proper reprimand, took away the newspaper "Vest" and, entrusting it to Senka's supervision, left.

He is still alive today. He plays grand solitaire, yearns for his former life in the forests, washes himself only under duress, and moos from time to time.

M. E. Saltykov-Shchedrin

Wild landowner

In a certain kingdom, in a certain state, there lived a landowner, he lived and looked at the light and rejoiced. He had enough of everything: peasants, bread, livestock, land, and gardens. And that landowner was stupid, he read the newspaper “Vest” and his body was soft, white and crumbly.

One day this landowner only prayed to God:

God! I am pleased with everything from you, I have been rewarded with everything! Only one thing is unbearable to my heart: there are too many peasants in our kingdom!

But God knew that the landowner was stupid and did not heed his request.

The landowner sees that the peasant is not decreasing every day, but everything is increasing, - he sees and fears: “Well, how will he take all my goods?”

The landowner will look into the newspaper “Vest”, as he should do in this case, and read: “Try!”

Only one word has been written, says the stupid landowner, and it’s a golden word!

And he began to try, and not just somehow, but everything according to the rule. Whether a peasant chicken wanders into the master's oats - now, as a rule, it is in the soup; Whether a peasant is going to chop wood in secret in the master's forest - now this same firewood is going to the master's yard, and, as a rule, the chopper is subject to a fine.

Nowadays these fines affect them more! - the landowner says to his neighbors, - because for them it is clearer.

The men see: although their landowner is stupid, he has a great mind. He reduced them so that there is nowhere to stick your nose out: no matter where you look, everything is prohibited, not allowed, and not yours! The cattle goes out to drink - the landowner shouts: “My water!”, the chicken wanders out of the outskirts - the landowner shouts: “My land!” And the earth, and the water, and the air - everything became his! There was no torch to light the peasant's light, there was no rod to sweep out the hut with. So the peasants prayed to the Lord God all over the world:

God! It’s easier for us to perish with our children than to suffer like this all our lives!

The merciful God heard the orphan’s tearful prayer, and there was no more man throughout the entire domain of the stupid landowner. No one noticed where the man had gone, but people only saw when suddenly a chaff whirlwind arose and, like a black cloud, the peasant's long trousers flew through the air. The landowner went out onto the balcony, sniffed and smelled: the air in all his possessions had become pure, pure. Naturally, I was pleased. He thinks: “Now I’ll pamper my white body, my white, loose, crumbly body!”

And he began to live and live and began to think how he could console his soul.

“I’ll run my own theater, he thinks! I’ll write to the actor Sadovsky: come, dear friend, and bring the actors with you!”

The actor Sadovsky listened to him: he came and brought the actors. He only sees that the landowner’s house is empty and there is no one to put up a theater or raise the curtain.

Where have you put your peasants? - Sadovsky asks the landowner.

But God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!

However, brother, you stupid landowner! Who gives you a wash, stupid one?

Yes, I go unwashed for how many days!

So, are you planning to grow champignons on your face? - said Sadovsky, and with this word he left and took the actors away.

The landowner remembered that he had four general acquaintances nearby; thinks: “Why am I playing grand solitaire and grand solitaire all the time! I’ll try to play a game or two with the five generals!”

No sooner said than done: I wrote the invitations, set the day and sent the letters to the address. Although the generals were real, they were hungry, and therefore they arrived very quickly. They arrived and couldn’t wonder why the landowner’s air was so clean.

And this is because,” the landowner boasts, “that God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!”

Oh, how good it is! - the generals praise the landowner, - so now you won’t have that slave smell at all?

“Not at all,” the landowner answers.

They played a bullet, played another; The generals feel that their time has come to drink vodka, they become restless and look around.

You, gentlemen generals, must have wanted a snack? - asks the landowner.

It wouldn't be bad, Mr. Landowner!

He got up from the table, went to the cupboard and took out a lollipop and a printed gingerbread for each person.

What is this? - the generals ask, widening their eyes at him.

Here, have a bite of what God sent you!

Yes, we would like some beef! We'd like some beef!

Well, I don’t have any beef for you, gentlemen generals, because since God delivered me from the peasant, the stove in the kitchen has not been heated!

The generals became angry with him, so that even their teeth began to chatter.

But do you eat something yourself? - they attacked him.

I eat some raw materials, but I still have gingerbread...

However, brother, you are a stupid landowner! - said the generals and, without finishing the bullets, scattered to their homes.

The landowner sees that another time he will be honored as a fool, and was about to think, but since at that time a deck of cards caught his eye, he gave up on everything and began to play grand solitaire.

Let's see, he says, gentlemen, liberals, who will defeat whom! I will prove to you what true strength of soul can do!

He lays out the “ladies’ whim” and thinks: “If it comes out three times in a row, then it’s necessary not to look.” And as luck would have it, no matter how many times he lays it out, everything comes out, everything comes out! There wasn't even any doubt left in him.

If, he says, fortune itself indicates, then we must remain firm to the end. And now, while I’ve had enough of playing grand solitaire, I’ll go and study!

And so he walks, walks around the rooms, then sits down and sits. And he thinks everything. He thinks what kind of cars he will order from England, so that everything is steam and steam, and so that there is no servile spirit at all. He thinks about what kind of fruit garden he will plant: “Here there will be pears and plums; here there will be peaches, here there will be walnuts!” He looks out the window - and there everything is as he intended, everything is exactly as it is! At the behest of a pike, the pear, peach, and apricot trees are bursting under the load of fruit, and he just collects the fruit with machines and puts it in his mouth! He thinks what kind of cows he will raise, that there is no skin, no meat, but all milk, all milk! He thinks about what kind of strawberries he will plant, all double and triple, five berries per pound, and how many of these strawberries he will sell in Moscow. Finally he gets tired of thinking and goes to the mirror to look - and there’s already an inch of dust in there...

Senka! - he will suddenly shout, having forgotten himself, but then he will come to his senses and say, - well, let him stand like this for the time being! And I will prove to these liberals what firmness of soul can do!

It will loom in this manner until it gets dark - and go to sleep!

And in a dream, dreams are even more fun than in reality. He dreams that the governor himself found out about his landowner’s inflexibility and asked the police officer: “What kind of tough son of a hen do you have in your district?” Then he dreams that he was made a minister for this very inflexibility, and he walks around in ribbons and writes circulars: “Be firm and not look!” Then he dreams that he walks along the banks of the Euphrates and the Tigris... [that is, according to biblical legends, in paradise]

Eva, my friend! - he says.

But now I’ve reconsidered everything: I have to get up.

Senka! - he shouts again, having forgotten himself, but suddenly he remembers... and hangs his head.

However, what should you do? - he asks himself, - at least the hard one would bring some devil!

And at this word, the police captain himself suddenly arrives. The stupid landowner was incredibly happy about him; ran to the cupboard, took out two printed gingerbread cookies and thought: “Well, this one seems to be satisfied!”

Tell me, please, Mr. Landowner, by what miracle did all your temporary workers suddenly disappear? - asks the police officer.

And so and so, God, through my prayer, completely cleared all my possessions from the peasant!

Yes, sir; But don’t you know, Mr. Landowner, who will pay the taxes for them?

Taxes?.. that's them! It's themselves! This is their most sacred duty and responsibility!

Yes, sir; and in what manner can this tax be collected from them, if, through your prayer, they are scattered across the face of the earth?

This... I don’t know... I, for my part, don’t agree to pay!

Do you know, Mr. Landowner, that the treasury cannot exist without taxes and duties, and even more so without wine and salt regalia?

Well... I'm ready! A glass of vodka... I'll pay!

Do you know that, by your mercy, we cannot buy a piece of meat or a pound of bread in our market? Do you know what it smells like?

Have mercy! For my part, I am ready to sacrifice! Here are two whole gingerbread cookies!

You are stupid, Mr. Landowner! - said the police officer, turned and left without even looking at the printed gingerbread cookies.

This time the landowner thought seriously. Now the third person is honoring him as a fool, the third person will look and look at him, spit and walk away. Is he really a fool? Could it be that the inflexibility that he so cherished in his soul, when translated into ordinary language, means only stupidity and madness? And is it really, as a result of his inflexibility alone, that both taxes and regalia stopped, and it became impossible to get a pound of flour or a piece of meat at the market?

And as stupid a landowner as he was, at first he even snorted with pleasure at the thought of what kind of trick he had played, but then he remembered the words of the police officer: “Do you know what this smells like?” - and got scared in earnest.

He began, as usual, to walk back and forth through the rooms and kept thinking: “What does this smell like? Doesn’t it smell like some kind of settlement? For example, Cheboksary? Or, perhaps, Varnavin?”

At least to Cheboksary, or something! At least the world would be convinced of what firmness of soul means! - says the landowner, and secretly thinks to himself: “In Cheboksary, maybe I would have seen my dear man!”

The landowner walks around, sits, and walks around again. Whatever he approaches, everything seems to say: “You’re stupid, Mr. Landowner!” He sees a mouse running across the room and sneaking towards the cards with which he played grand solitaire and has already oiled it enough to whet the mouse’s appetite with them.

Kshsh... - he rushed at the mouse.

But the mouse was smart and understood that the landowner could not do him any harm without Senka. He just wagged his tail in response to the landowner’s menacing exclamation and a moment later he was already looking at him from under the sofa, as if saying: “Wait, stupid landowner! Or else it will happen! I’ll eat not only the cards, but also your robe, just like you You'll oil him up properly!"

How much time has passed, the landowner only sees that in his garden the paths are overgrown with thistles, the bushes are swarming with snakes and all sorts of reptiles, and in the park wild animals are howling. One day a bear approached the estate itself, squatted down, looked through the windows at the landowner and licked its lips.

Senka! - the landowner cried out, but suddenly remembered... and began to cry.

However, the strength of his soul still did not leave him. Several times he weakened, but as soon as he felt that his heart was beginning to dissolve, he would rush to the newspaper “Vest” and in one minute become hardened again.

No, it’s better for me to go completely wild, it’s better for me to wander through the forests with wild animals, but let no one say that the Russian nobleman, Prince Urus-Kuchum-Kildibaev, retreated from his principles!

And so he went wild. Although at this time autumn had already arrived and there was a fair frost, he did not even feel the cold. He was all overgrown with hair, from head to toe, like the ancient Esau, and his nails became like iron. He had long ago stopped blowing his nose, but walked more and more on all fours and was even surprised how he had not noticed before that this way of walking was the most decent and most convenient. He even lost the ability to utter articulate sounds and acquired some kind of special victory cry, a cross between a whistle, a hiss and a roar. But I haven't acquired a tail yet.

He will go out to his park, in which he once basked his body, loose, white, crumbly, like a cat, in an instant, climb to the very top of the tree and guard from there. The hare will come running, stand on its hind legs and listen to see if there is any danger from somewhere - and he’ll be right there. It’s like an arrow will jump from a tree, grab onto its prey, tear it apart with its nails, and so on with all the insides, even the skin, and eat it.

And he became terribly strong, so strong that he even considered himself entitled to enter into friendly relations with the very bear who had once looked at him through the window.

Do you want, Mikhail Ivanovich, to go rabbit hunting together? - he said to the bear.

To want - why not to want! - answered the bear, - but, brother, you destroyed this guy in vain!

And why?

But because this man was far more capable than your nobleman brother. And therefore I will tell you straight: you are a stupid landowner, even though you are my friend!

Meanwhile, although the police captain patronized the landowners, in view of such a fact as the disappearance of the peasant from the face of the earth, he did not dare to remain silent. The provincial authorities were also alarmed by his report and wrote to him: “Who do you think will pay taxes now? Who will drink wine in taverns? Who will engage in innocent activities?” The captain-police officer answers: the treasury should now be abolished, but innocent occupations were abolished by themselves, and instead of them, robberies, robbery and murders spread in the district. The other day, even he, the police officer, was nearly killed by some kind of bear, not a bear, not a man, and he suspects that same stupid landowner who is the instigator of all the troubles is the bear-man.

The bosses became concerned and convened a council. They decided to catch the peasant and install him, and to instill in the most delicate manner the stupid landowner, who is the instigator of all the troubles, so that he stops his fanfare and does not interfere with the flow of taxes to the treasury.

As if on purpose, at that time a swarm of men flew through the provincial town and showered the entire market square. Now they took this grace, put him in a whip and sent him to the district.

And suddenly there was again a smell of chaff and sheepskins in that district; but at the same time, flour, meat, and all kinds of livestock appeared at the market, and so many taxes arrived in one day that the treasurer, seeing such a pile of money, just clasped his hands in surprise and cried out:

And where do you scoundrels get it from!!

“What happened, however, to the landowner?” - readers will ask me. To this I can say that, although with great difficulty, they caught him too. Having caught it, they immediately blew their nose, washed it and cut their nails. Then the police captain made him a proper reprimand, took away the newspaper "Vest" and, entrusting it to Senka's supervision, left.

He is still alive today. He plays grand solitaire, yearns for his former life in the forests, washes himself only under duress, and moos from time to time.

Mikhail Evgrafovich Saltykov-Shchedrin

Wild landowner

In a certain kingdom, in a certain state, there lived a landowner, he lived and looked at the light and rejoiced. He had enough of everything: peasants, bread, livestock, land, and gardens. And that landowner was stupid, he read the newspaper “Vest” and his body was soft, white and crumbly.

One day this landowner only prayed to God:

God! I am pleased with everything from you, I have been rewarded with everything! Only one thing is unbearable to my heart: there are too many peasants in our kingdom!

But God knew that the landowner was stupid and did not heed his request.

The landowner sees that the peasant is not decreasing every day, but everything is increasing, - he sees and fears: “Well, how will he take all my goods?”

The landowner will look at the newspaper “Vest”, as he should do in this case, and read: “Try!”

Only one word has been written, says the stupid landowner, and it’s a golden word!

And he began to try, and not just somehow, but everything according to the rule. Whether a peasant chicken wanders into the master's oats - now, as a rule, it is in the soup; Whether a peasant is going to chop wood in secret in the master's forest - now this same firewood is going to the master's yard, and, as a rule, the chopper is subject to a fine.

Nowadays these fines affect them more! - the landowner says to his neighbors, - because for them it is clearer.

The men see: although their landowner is stupid, he has a great mind. He reduced them so that there is nowhere to stick your nose out: no matter where you look, everything is prohibited, not allowed, and not yours! The cattle goes out to drink - the landowner shouts: “My water!”, the chicken wanders out of the outskirts - the landowner shouts: “My land!” And the earth, and the water, and the air - everything became his! There was no torch to light the peasant's light, there was no rod to sweep out the hut with. So the peasants prayed to the Lord God all over the world:

God! It’s easier for us to perish with our children than to suffer like this all our lives!

The merciful God heard the orphan’s tearful prayer, and there was no more man throughout the entire domain of the stupid landowner. No one noticed where the man had gone, but people only saw when suddenly a chaff whirlwind arose and, like a black cloud, the peasant's long trousers flew through the air. The landowner went out onto the balcony, sniffed and smelled: the air in all his possessions had become pure, pure. Naturally, I was pleased. He thinks: “Now I’ll pamper my white body, my white, loose, crumbly body!”

And he began to live and live and began to think how he could console his soul.

“I’ll run my own theater, he thinks!” I’ll write to the actor Sadovsky: come, dear friend! and bring the actors with you!”

The actor Sadovsky listened to him: he came and brought the actors. He only sees that the landowner’s house is empty and there is no one to put up a theater or raise the curtain.

Where have you put your peasants? - Sadovsky asks the landowner.

But God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!

However, brother, you stupid landowner! Who gives you a wash, stupid one?

Yes, I go unwashed for how many days!

So, are you planning to grow champignons on your face? - said Sadovsky, and with this word he left and took the actors away.

The landowner remembered that he had four general acquaintances nearby; thinks: “Why am I playing grand solitaire and grand solitaire all the time! I’ll try to play a game or two with the five generals!”

No sooner said than done: I wrote the invitations, set the day and sent the letters to the address. Although the generals were real, they were hungry, and therefore they arrived very quickly. They arrived and couldn’t wonder why the landowner’s air was so clean.

And this is because,” the landowner boasts, “that God, through my prayer, cleared all my possessions of the peasant!”

Oh, how good it is! - the generals praise the landowner, - so now you won’t have that slave smell at all?

“Not at all,” the landowner answers.

They played a bullet, played another; The generals feel that their time has come to drink vodka, they become restless and look around.

You, gentlemen generals, must have wanted a snack? - asks the landowner.

It wouldn't be bad, Mr. Landowner!

He got up from the table, went to the cupboard and took out a lollipop and a printed gingerbread for each person.

What is this? - the generals ask, widening their eyes at him.

Here, have a bite of what God sent you!

Yes, we would like some beef! We'd like some beef!

Well, I don’t have any beef for you, gentlemen generals, because since God delivered me from the peasant, the stove in the kitchen has not been heated!

The generals became angry with him, so that even their teeth began to chatter.

But do you eat something yourself? - they attacked him.

I eat some raw materials, but I still have gingerbread...

However, brother, you are a stupid landowner! - said the generals and, without finishing the bullets, scattered to their homes.

The landowner sees that another time he will be honored as a fool, and was about to think, but since at that time a deck of cards caught his eye, he gave up on everything and began to play grand solitaire.

Let's see, he says, gentlemen, liberals, who will defeat whom! I will prove to you what true strength of soul can do!

He lays out the “ladies’ whim” and thinks: “If it comes out three times in a row, then we must not look.” And as luck would have it, no matter how many times he lays it out, everything comes out, everything comes out! There wasn't even any doubt left in him.

If, he says, fortune itself indicates, then we must remain firm to the end. And now, while I’ve had enough of playing grand solitaire, I’ll go and study!

And so he walks, walks around the rooms, then sits down and sits. And he thinks everything. He thinks what kind of cars he will order from England, so that everything is steam and steam, and so that there is no servile spirit at all. He thinks about what kind of fruit garden he will plant: “Here there will be pears and plums; here are peaches, here are walnuts!” He looks out the window - and there everything is as he intended, everything is exactly as it is! At the behest of a pike, the pear, peach, and apricot trees are bursting under the load of fruit, and he just collects the fruit with machines and puts it in his mouth! He thinks what kind of cows he will raise, that there is no skin, no meat, but all milk, all milk! He thinks about what kind of strawberries he will plant, all double and triple, five berries per pound, and how many of these strawberries he will sell in Moscow. Finally he gets tired of thinking and goes to the mirror to look - and there’s already an inch of dust in there...

Senka! - he will suddenly shout, having forgotten himself, but then he will come to his senses and say, - well, let him stand like this for the time being! and I’ll prove to these liberals what firmness of soul can do!

It will loom in this manner until it gets dark - and go to sleep!

And in a dream, dreams are even more fun than in reality. He dreams that the governor himself found out about his landowner’s inflexibility and asked the police officer: “What kind of tough son of a hen do you have in your district?” Then he dreams that he was made a minister for this very inflexibility, and he walks around in ribbons and writes circulars: “Be firm and not look!” Then he dreams that he walks along the banks of the Euphrates and Tigris...

Eva, my friend! - he says.

But now I’ve reconsidered everything: I have to get up.

Senka! - he shouts again, having forgotten himself, but suddenly he remembers... and hangs his head.

However, what should you do? - he asks himself, - at least the hard one would bring some devil!

And at this word, the police captain himself suddenly arrives. The stupid landowner was incredibly happy about him; ran to the cupboard, took out two printed gingerbread cookies and thought: “Well, this one seems to be satisfied!”

Tell me, please, Mr. Landowner, by what miracle did all your temporary workers suddenly disappear? - asks the police officer.

And so and so, God, through my prayer, completely cleared all my possessions from the peasant!

Yes, sir; But don’t you know, Mr. Landowner, who will pay the taxes for them?

Taxes?.. that's them! it's themselves! This is their most sacred duty and responsibility!

Yes, sir; and in what manner can this tax be collected from them, if, through your prayer, they are scattered across the face of the earth?

This... I don’t know... I, for my part, don’t agree to pay!

Do you know, Mr. Landowner, that the treasury cannot exist without taxes and duties, and even more so without wine and salt regalia?

Well... I'm ready! a glass of vodka... I'll pay!

Do you know that, by your mercy, we cannot buy a piece of meat or a pound of bread in our market? do you know what it smells like?

Have mercy! I, for my part, am ready to sacrifice! here are two whole gingerbread cookies!

You are stupid, Mr. Landowner! - said the police officer, turned and left without even looking at the printed gingerbread cookies.

This time the landowner thought seriously. Now the third person is honoring him as a fool, the third person will look and look at him, spit and walk away. Is he really a fool? Could it be that the inflexibility that he so cherished in his soul, when translated into ordinary language, means only stupidity and madness? and is it really, as a result of his inflexibility alone, that both taxes and regalia stopped, and it became impossible to get a pound of flour or a piece of meat at the market?