“Real Tales” by L. Petrushevskaya

At night, like Scheherazade, I told the children fairy tales. We had whole series about Kiryusha the Cheetah, Fedya the Tiger, Natasha the Elephant, Anya the Giraffe and Masha the Antelope.

Later they were joined by Peter the Pig.

I dedicate this book with love to you: Kirill, Fedor, Natasha, Anya, Mashenka and Peter.

One day Tiger Fedya came home late and said to his mother:

- Ma! We came up with names for the animals! Cockroach Maximka! Flea Lukerya!

- Wolf Semyon Alekseevich! Roach Klava! Mstislav the bug! (Mom answered.)

- Mukha Domna Ivanovna! Pig Allah! And so these “Wild Animal Tales” began.

As for the “Battered Pussy” fairy tales, the situation was like this: Natasha the Elephant was a year old, and she did not understand any fairy tales. Her mother sang to her at night, sang, and one day (Natasha the Elephant was standing upright in her crib) her mother thought and decided to tell her a fairy tale in her own language. And she began: “Kalusha grabbed the fur and took away Butyavka.” And Natasha the Elephant understood, laughed and sat down to listen.

And her mother told her about Medusa much later, when they were standing over the bridge in the city of Copenhagen, and below, in the sea water, some small jellyfish was clearly dancing next to a cigarette butt... “One day, a jellyfish was hurrying into the Skagerrak Strait and accidentally swallowed a cigarette butt for breakfast: Hello!

Wild animal tales

Prize "Small Golden Ostap" for the cycle of humorous works "Wild Animals Tales".

St. Petersburg, 1994

1
On the road

Once the bug Mstislav and the cockroach Maksimka were traveling on the train and bought themselves an insect repellent aerosol so that it would not be boring on the road, and began to share.

The bug Mstislav insisted on dividing by millimeters; he had with him a diamond from his executed father.

Cockroach Maksimka did not recommend cutting the can, but how else to divide it?

The fly Domna Ivanovna came into the compartment, but even though she loved insect repellent, she couldn’t remember how to use it.

We decided to throw the can out of the window and get off at the nearest station and see what happened, but the fly jumped out along with the can, not for the first time, and when Maksimka got to the place in a passing Mercedes, Domna Ivanovna had already stripped down to her panties and she walked on all fours, and her fifth and sixth legs gave up on her, but have fun!

As for the bug Mstislav, he was impatient to such an extent that he jumped off the Mercedes without waiting for the ending, and walked from afar, sniffing the aroma gradually.

However, when he marched to the place of drinking, still inhaling the aroma in ever-increasing quantities, the cockroach Maksimka had already passed out and was resting, leaning against a perforated jar, and his whiskers began to grow into rings.

Nearby lay the villagers, a random ant Lenka with a herd of aphids, which also died, and the soldier beetle Andreich clutched to his wife Verka.

In general, the feast turned out to be excellent, only Mstislav had no one to talk to, discuss his destroyed ancestors, and he sang his favorite “The Bed Was Spread”, words by Yevtushenko.

2
At the holiday home

Once the roach Klava was resting after giving birth in a rest home and met the moth Nina there.

They had fun, Nina sometimes told jokes while sitting in the closet, and Klava hung and dried on a rope on the balcony, tired and peaceful.

Nothing was heard, but the roach caught the moment when Nina began to laugh silently, and swayed in response.

From time to time, other vacationers came in, the condor Hakob, for example, but modest Nina sat, wrapped in a sweater, in the closet, and the roach Klava had nothing to do with anything after the Caesarean.

This is how they spent these wonderful days.

3
Lady's visit

The worm Feofan kept haunting the spider Afanasy: as soon as Afanasy tidied everything up, hung the curtains, Feofan immediately crawls, drags in garbage, apple cores, husks (he lives at the end of the garden, what to do) and begins to talk about eternity, about the stars, about why he, the worm, was given this life.

Afanasy was angry, he literally climbed the wall, but to tell Feofan the truth (who are you to reason, worm!) - Afanasy could not do this, he was afraid of offending Feofan, who was already saying to himself: who am I to reason, worm , and that's it. And he looked questioningly at the same time.

Afanasy endured, after Feofan left, he put everything in order and finally began to prepare for home canning, expecting the fly Domna Ivanovna to visit: he already had everything in stock, horseradish, dill, garlic and bay leaves, jars and lids, but Domna Ivanovna preferred Feofan and spent hours visiting him in the trash heap, drinking tea.

Afanasy invited Feofan many times to come with his girlfriend, but he could not stand the presence of women during serious conversations.

However, the spider waited and hoped and finally waited.

Domna Ivanovna came to him, she was already very sick and as a result she tore his curtain, lampshade and sheets, broke the dishes, broke his chest syringe and went with Feofan to the trash heap to drink tea, and Afanasy spent a week cleaning up and running around pharmacies for a syringe .

4
Family scene

Once the mosquito Stasik fell in love with the pig Alla, but she did not recognize him, lay completely naked on the shore and fanned herself with her ears, so that she was afraid to fly up.

Stasik laughed bitterly at his misfortune, at his weakness, and the pig Alla kept repeating the same thing: we know you!

Stasik insisted that he feeds only on flower juice, that only aunts from their family drink blood, but the pig Alla, endless as all our open spaces, did not allow Stasik to even sit down, she had such a dangerous manner, shuddering with her whole body, and Stasik fell on he was flying as if knocked down, but not completely, and this is what worried him to the depths of his soul, he kept falling and falling, and still not completely.

Finally, Tomka’s wife came after him, she wanted to hit Alla’s face, but was knocked down by a blow to the ear, and Stasik, patient and persistent, like many husbands, carried the mosquito Tomka from the battlefield and at the same time sat down, touched Alla’s luxurious body with his toes and immediately jumped up as if stung!

It turned out that it was only an appearance, a naked body, in fact Alla was covered with stubble from head to toe, and the short-sighted Stasik, hugging his thin Tomka, once again returned home with her, repeating once again: there is nothing better than family!

5
Goat Tolik

The goat Tolik has decided to spend tomorrow's day off with the chamomile Sveta.

However, Sveta was blooming in the garden behind the fence, and Tolik was wandering around the nettles and calling her in vain, urging her to go for a swim or to the cinema to see an American film about goat breeding (porn).

Sveta bloomed surprisingly calmly and if she opened the door for anyone, it was only for the bee Lelya, who was dangling back and forth, rattling buckets.

As a result, the goat Tolik went into the forest, where the wolf Semyon Alekseevich was waiting for him with a bottle of whiskey.

And instead of resting the next day, the goat Tolik lay all day with a wet towel on his head, listening to the sounds of milking, and the wolf Semyon Alekseevich, waking up in the morning, went to the hospital, and he was sent for an x-ray, where Tolik’s left horn was found in his stomach, no one knows how it got there caught.

For a long time, Tolik was ashamed to walk with one horn, especially past the garden where Sveta was blooming: “I got hit on the horns,” he explained, sitting in the barn.

As for Semyon Alekseevich, he did not agree to the operation, he did not stay for the enema either, but returned home to digest the horn at home.

6
Pedicure

One day, the caterpillar Nikolavna decided to change her sex and went to the hospital.

There she was bandaged, and then discharged under the name of the butterfly Kuzma. The butterfly flew out, but kept feeling its antennae, which were growing day by day, and longingly remembered its earthly past, constantly hovering in the air.

I had to travel without respite, dragging my luggage behind me; airports, passports, suitcases, then a razor, a pipe, long johns, six pieces of slippers and permanent makeup: everything should be beautiful like a man!

And some paid attention to Kuzma, the same sparrow Gusein, who offered him strong male friendship.

But something didn’t work out, Huseyn opened his mouth too much at his friend, and the timid butterfly Kuzma even stopped answering the phone; and in general, despite the mustache and trousers, Kuzma still called himself Nikolavna and in moments of loneliness he gave himself a pedicure.

7
Choir rehearsal

One day, the hyena Zoya encountered the ram Valentin in a fish store, where the ram was buying tights and did not know what size he needed. He kept going to the mirror with the tights and finally, after a scandal, he explained that he wanted to put them on himself as a double-sided cap (Valentin had luxurious horns).

Zoya the hyena, while all this was being discussed with a shout, was walking nearby, because she really wanted to receive tights from someone as a gift (not for herself, but for her daughter for the wedding; Zoya knew that at the wedding her daughter’s only tights would definitely be torn).

And here is such an interesting case.

In short, when the flushed Valentin was already receiving the purchase, it was then that the hyena Zoya offered her paw to the buyer Valentin, and the ram stepped on it.

The hyena howled (she was the soloist of the choir), Valentin rushed away and, of course, dropped the purchase on the floor, which Zoya instantly took advantage of, she grabbed the tights with one hand (crumpled), and with her good hand she took the ram and took it to the police station to junior lieutenant Volodya the bear .

There the ram denied everything and said that it was the first time in his life that he had seen this tattered dog.

Then the hyena, not at all offended, presented her front paw and tights - “didn’t you buy these?”

The ram, backed to the wall with evidence, denied both the tights and the fish store, and then the hyena calmed down and said: “Oh, sorry, I got confused, I bought the tights myself.”

The ram was released, and the hyena was given a warning, but she put the tights in her purse and went to the rehearsal of the night hyena choir as if nothing had happened.

8
The end of the holiday

The fly Domna Ivanovna wanted something sweet, and she pestered the bee Lelya, who was just flying into the garden with six empty buckets.

But Lelya did not agree to invite Domna Ivanovna to visit, nor did she agree to go visit her in the garbage pit.

Domna Ivanovna said “just think!” and then she rushed to visit the house where the jam was being made.

But they didn’t expect her there and even began to kick her out with a wet towel.

Domna Ivanovna made a mistake due to this technique and fell straight into an unclosed jar of jam (three liters).

There she sank.

They immediately took this jar to Domna Ivanovna’s homeland and buried the fly with great honors in the trash heap, pouring all three liters on Domna Ivanovna.

Huge masses of Domna Ivanovna’s children immediately gathered and the wake began, but after a while Domna Ivanovna leaned out of the jam and shouted to Lelya the bee flying past with full buckets: “I’m treating you!”

But Lelya the bee just shrugged and replied that we don’t need your crap.

However, three minutes later Lelya returned with empty buckets, accompanied by the entire adult population of the apiary, also with empty buckets.

And, despite the screams of Domna Ivanovna and the crowd of thousands of her children, the bees worked like mad until the end of the working day.

- Well, where is the justice? - Domna Ivanovna asked the worm Feofan, who crawled out to get some air at sunset. “I invited everyone, even these freaks of labor, the bees, but the pig Alla came without any invitation, broke our fence, ate everything, I myself was barely alive.

“This is how the holidays end,” noted the worm Feofan.

9
Bus

Once upon a time, the viper Alenka agreed with the cuckoo Kaleria that she would live in her house and tell the time, be friends!

However, in the midst of friendship, Kaleria laid an egg in Alenka’s hat, out of her habit of throwing children anywhere.

Alenka circled around the hat for a long time, but she didn’t dare to do anything, you can’t trample against children, she began to wear a headscarf.

Alenka complained to everyone on the phone about her softness and pliability, Kaleria sat humiliated, but crowed as usual, until one day she took revenge: she cuckooed eight times in the morning, but did not do so the ninth time.

Because of this, Alenka was late for an important bus, did not leave for the train and in general to the village, returned home halfway and cried in front of the motionless Kaleria because of the ruined vacation.

Kaleria answered her strictly by the hour, an agreement was more valuable than money, and only “kuckoo.”

However, the cuckoo hatched right away, they named him Shurka, troubles began, the cuckoo Kaleria went crazy and cuckooed without a break, Shurka got dirty right in the viper’s hat, but Alenka showed spinelessness once again, did not eat Shurka for such things, although her friends on the phone advised her a lot.

And as a result, Alenka went to work at her pharmacy as if it were a holiday after such a vacation, and what joy there was when Shurka flew away, and Kaleria asked for the weekend and did not return!

10
Foreigner

Wolf Semyon Alekseevich, grabbing a bottle, went for a walk just like that, whistling the foxtrot “Insolent Forest Man,” and saw a completely whole jar of imported herring by the path. He immediately knocked and heard an answer from the jar:

- At the device!

He said:

– I came to invite you for a drink and a snack!

And he knocked again.

Herring exclaimed:

- At the device!

Semyon Alekseevich then said:

- You don’t want to get married, I don’t want to get married, just spend time, eat Bolyevich.

And he knocked again carefully, with his fingernail. Imported herring replied:

“I’m calling the police, that’s the impudence.” Everyone in our village is sleeping!

In response to this, the impatient Semyon Alekseevich was already taking out his can opener.

And policeman ml. Lieutenant Bear Volodya was also already standing over him, covering himself with his cap, and asked him to hand over the edged weapon (can opener) and go to the department - with these words:

– This is a foreign subject where you attempted to attempt, understand? Iceland!

Semyon Alekseevich replied:

And he soon sat down for the night in a pre-trial detention cell, where the mosquito Stasik and the bug Mstislav, who were already imprisoned for fighting, were already imprisoned for the fight, who received Semyon Alekseevich even too well and joyfully.

11
Injury

One day Domna Ivanovna was sleeping, stretched out in the shadow of a milk carton, and the spider Afanasy could not resist and asked Domna Ivanovna to marry him.

Butterfly Kuzma was jealous of Domna Ivanovna’s happiness and began to flutter literally in front of Afanasy’s nose from right to left, demonstrating its beauty, and then Afanasy ran home for an ax and broke the fragile Kuzma’s jaw, so that for a month he ate through a straw, and called the spider “ man” and as a result became very friendly with Domna Ivanovna, who rejected Afanasy forever for such things.

12
Double literary history

Once the snail Gerasim, having read fiction, led the amoeba Rachel, nicknamed Mumu, on a rope to drown in a pond, since Rachel, on her own initiative, became very attached to Gerasim, lived in his house in a kennel and howled at night, supposedly guarding the house, but in fact just to the moon.

And thus this Rachel Mumu did not allow the snail Gerasim to sleep - snails are very sensitive.

And Gerasim, having read the literature, did not want to leave home, he knew how such things end, at the Lev Tolstoy station of the Kazan railway. d.

However, on the way, this couple with a rope (Gerasim - Rachel) was met by the dog Gulyash, who was taking the family of the flea Lukerya to the police, Lukerya wanted to move under the wing of the bear ml. Lieutenant Volodya from his daughter-in-law and her family and at the same time turn Gulyash over to the police for the domestic murder of Lukerya’s blind grandmother Raika, who got into Gulyash’s teeth when she was feeding her grandchildren dinner.

Goulash, a careless guy, seeing the torment of the crawling snail Gerasim, who was dragging a house and a rope on himself (Gulyash did not see the amoeba), changed the route and instead of the police ran to the pond with a changed face (due to Gerasim sticking out in his teeth and a dangling rope with Rachel at the end) .

Lukerya and her family, therefore, had to escape, she landed in the sand at full gallop, and Gulyash released Gerasim into the water and swam for a long time himself, vigilantly looking at the sandy shore, where Lukerya dug a dugout, and her children took up long jumping.

As for Gerasim, he calmed down, rocking on the waves, and Mumu, it turned out, does not drown under any circumstances, and she howled again, guarding the house in a new environment, with a rope around her neck.

And the clever Goulash crawled out to the other side of the pond, not knowing that Lukerya’s pregnant daughter-in-law Marianna and her family were sitting on his forehead and knitting panties for her radiculitis husband from dog hair.

13
Historical homeland

One day, the gopher Silanty and the jerboa Zhora went to their historical homeland, to a pet store, renaming themselves George and, accordingly, Bill.

There they were received warmly, the director gave them tea, but in the evening the pet store closed, and the gopher and jerboa went home.

They liked the treat, and the next day they went to visit again, this time with their wives and children.

The director of the pet store received them again cordially, it was the ram Valentin, and he again served the whole company tea and cookies.

In the evening, the guests left in high spirits to come to the opening the next day with their mothers-in-law and grandmothers.

There was a holiday again, everyone was dancing to the tune of tweedledum, the children ate too much canary food and lay in the shop windows, arousing everyone’s curiosity and desire to buy such plump babies to raise, and Edward the leopard even sent a telegram that he was ready to adopt everyone, and the crowd of mollusks was at the head with their leader the clam Adrian sailed to the port under Greenpeace flags and slogans in defense of rights and against child trafficking.

This mess continued for four days, until Silantia’s family took offense at the ram Valentin for giving Zhora’s (supposedly Bill) family more cracker crumbs, and a fight began.

The mollusks called the police directly from the water on the radio, the bear arrived. Lieutenant Volodya with a belt and a large baton, and everyone went to explain themselves to the department, but no one was arrested, because everything in the bullpen was occupied, there was an entire wedding of hyenas, led by the hyena Zoya, who bit off the groom’s tail (he tore the bride’s tights , dancing the Boston waltz with her).

And Zoya was forced to sew her tail back all night in the bullpen, and the wedding party howled out of sympathy all night.

And they didn't let anyone in there.

14
Careerist

Klop Mstislav got a job as a laboratory assistant, but for now he was an intern, and he was not tested on blood, but was taught on other tests.

He passionately dreamed of a promotion, imagining the moment when he would work with a syringe, but for now he carefully smeared it on the glass and poured what was entrusted to him.

The work was not hard, but Mstislav could not show his talent here and in the evenings he was sad, imagining the next day and all these smells.

“I want to take advanced training courses,” he insisted.

However, there were also those who envied him: the work was easy, appetizing, the robe was green, there was more than enough material, there was a scent all around,” said the fly Domna Ivanovna, “and you are just a careerist, Mstislav.

15
The power of theater

The ciliate Asya had never been to the circus and begged the amoeba Rachel (nickname Mumu) to get her a ticket.

At the circus there was just a porn performance of the animal theater “Romeo and Juliet,” so Rachel said, and they went together, but they didn’t understand anything: they were seated in the first row right in the sand, next to Sveta’s daisy, and every time it started fight, Asya and Rachel went into the sand, and once in a hurry they both climbed into a cigarette butt, just when the condor Hakob, who played Romeo, flew under the dome and dived from there onto the cuckoo Kaleria (Juliet).

At the same time, Rachel howled terribly, thinking that the end of the world had begun, and Sveta closed her peephole.

As a result, on the way back, the amoeba Rachel, without ceasing to howl, shared, and the two of them came home to the snail Gerasim, and Gerasim kicked both of them in the neck for debauchery and going to a porn performance.

But everything ended well: the ciliate Asya, embarrassed by both the performance and its result, invited the tiny twins, the amoebas Ra and Gil, to live with her.

Their nicknames remained the same, Mu and, accordingly, Mu.

16
Hunger is not a thing

One day, the cuckoo Kaleria, instead of properly feeding her son Shurka, brought him to visit the clam Adrian, supposedly to see how interesting his lid worked.

Shurka waited for two hours for Adrian to wake up, knocking on him, even with his feet, and Kaleria, out of her habit of abandoning her children, flew off alone into the forest, leaving Shurka standing knee-deep in the water.

Adrian never opened up, he was watching TV in his room, drinking from the kettle, and Shurka, like a fool, stood at the door.

At that time, the flea Lukerya and her family were passing by on her dog Gulyasha, and she advised Shurka to go further away from here.

Shurka, hungry and angry, instead rushed to Goulash with the intention of pecking Lukerya, but Goulash himself was hungry and met Shurka as expected, so the cuckoo again rushed at breakneck speed back to Adrian in the water, and Goulash ran after him.

As a result, in a deep place, Shurka took off, and Goulash had already dipped into the water and was forced to swim. Lukerya and her family, taught by bitter experience, put on masks for spearfishing.

However, everyone remained alive, which was what was required.

Once upon a time there was a Barbie doll, not just any doll, but "Little Sorceress"- This is the only novel included in this collection of "Real Tales", the rest are short stories.

The fairy tales of Lyudmila Petrushevskaya are written in a modern way; they teach kindness and philanthropy. The heroes of her fairy tales are Helen the Beautiful, Queen Lear, princes and princesses, and just ordinary people who live in their own magical world, drive cars, talk on the phone, love and strive for happiness.

Some fairy tales, in my opinion, are remakes of old fairy tales, such as "Girl Nose"(epigraph to it “Don’t be born beautiful”) or a fairy tale "The Prince with the Golden Hair" which begins almost the same way as Pushkin’s “The Tale of Tsar Saltan.”

When I picked up Petrushevskaya’s collection of fairy tales, I realized that they were not for children.

The font is too small and there is no design. These are fairy tales for adults. I thought: “Why not read them for a change?” After all, fairy tales are a very fascinating and moralizing genre. But in reality, it turned out that Petrushev’s fairy tales are boring, very boring. From the entire collection I liked only a few, for example, such a fairy tale as "Anna and Maria".

A very successful, in my opinion, philosophical tale "Behind the wall", its meaning is this: love and help your neighbor. I read it and somehow it really hit me. Its plot: one woman’s husband was dying in the hospital, and she was in the last stage of pregnancy, she was destined to give everything, everything she had, so that everything would end with a happy ending.

“You see,” said Alexander, “it was predicted that she should give everything, and she gave everything.” Such a rare case. We never give everything away! We're keeping something for ourselves, don't you agree? She didn't leave anything for herself...

Two more fairy tales are good - "Flashlight" and "Black Cloak" more like the mystic genre.

One day a girl was returning home late in the evening, got off the train and was walking along the path, when suddenly she saw a light that looked like someone was coming towards her with a flashlight...

This tale can be interpreted in different ways; for me personally, two versions suggest themselves.

"Black Cloak"- I would also classify it as a mystical-philosophical genre, its meaning is whether there is heaven and hell on earth, and where the soul goes after death. In general, Petrushevskaya’s piece is a little creepy, but I liked it. I just didn't understand the symbolism of the black cloak.

And I downloaded another book by Lyudmila Petrushevskaya, since the reviews on her books are positive, and they also say that she does much better plays.

So, see you again!

Not long ago I read a book by L. Petrushevskaya Time is night, which touches on the topic of fathers and sons, I really liked the story and recommend it for reading.

At night, like Scheherazade, I told the children fairy tales. We had whole series about Kiryusha the Cheetah, Fedya the Tiger, Natasha the Elephant, Anya the Giraffe and Masha the Antelope.

Later they were joined by Peter the Pig.

I dedicate this book with love to you: Kirill, Fedor, Natasha, Anya, Mashenka and Peter.

Your Lyusya

One day Tiger Fedya came home late and said to his mother:

- Ma! We came up with names for the animals! Cockroach Maximka! Flea Lukerya!

- Wolf Semyon Alekseevich! Roach Klava! Mstislav the bug! (Mom answered.)

- Mukha Domna Ivanovna! Pig Allah! And so these “Wild Animal Tales” began.

As for the “Battered Pussy” fairy tales, the situation was like this: Natasha the Elephant was a year old, and she did not understand any fairy tales. Her mother sang to her at night, sang, and one day (Natasha the Elephant was standing upright in her crib) her mother thought and decided to tell her a fairy tale in her own language. And she began: “Kalusha grabbed the fur and took away Butyavka.” And Natasha the Elephant understood, laughed and sat down to listen.

And her mother told her about Medusa much later, when they were standing over the bridge in the city of Copenhagen, and below, in the sea water, some small jellyfish was clearly dancing next to a cigarette butt... “One day, a jellyfish was hurrying into the Skagerrak Strait and accidentally swallowed a cigarette butt for breakfast: Hello!

Prize "Small Golden Ostap" for the cycle of humorous works "Wild Animals Tales".

St. Petersburg, 1994

Once the bug Mstislav and the cockroach Maksimka were traveling on the train and bought themselves an insect repellent aerosol so that it would not be boring on the road, and began to share.

The bug Mstislav insisted on dividing by millimeters; he had with him a diamond from his executed father.

Cockroach Maksimka did not recommend cutting the can, but how else to divide it?

The fly Domna Ivanovna came into the compartment, but even though she loved insect repellent, she couldn’t remember how to use it.

We decided to throw the can out of the window and get off at the nearest station and see what happened, but the fly jumped out along with the can, not for the first time, and when Maksimka got to the place in a passing Mercedes, Domna Ivanovna had already stripped down to her panties and she walked on all fours, and her fifth and sixth legs gave up on her, but have fun!

As for the bug Mstislav, he was impatient to such an extent that he jumped off the Mercedes without waiting for the ending, and walked from afar, sniffing the aroma gradually.

However, when he marched to the place of drinking, still inhaling the aroma in ever-increasing quantities, the cockroach Maksimka had already passed out and was resting, leaning against a perforated jar, and his whiskers began to grow into rings.

Nearby lay the villagers, a random ant Lenka with a herd of aphids, which also died, and the soldier beetle Andreich clutched to his wife Verka.

In general, the feast turned out to be excellent, only Mstislav had no one to talk to, discuss his destroyed ancestors, and he sang his favorite “The Bed Was Spread”, words by Yevtushenko.

Once the roach Klava was resting after giving birth in a rest home and met the moth Nina there.

They had fun, Nina sometimes told jokes while sitting in the closet, and Klava hung and dried on a rope on the balcony, tired and peaceful.

Nothing was heard, but the roach caught the moment when Nina began to laugh silently, and swayed in response.

From time to time, other vacationers came in, the condor Hakob, for example, but modest Nina sat, wrapped in a sweater, in the closet, and the roach Klava had nothing to do with anything after the Caesarean.

This is how they spent these wonderful days.

The worm Feofan kept haunting the spider Afanasy: as soon as Afanasy tidied everything up, hung the curtains, Feofan immediately crawls, drags in garbage, apple cores, husks (he lives at the end of the garden, what to do) and begins to talk about eternity, about the stars, about why he, the worm, was given this life.

Afanasy was angry, he literally climbed the wall, but to tell Feofan the truth (who are you to reason, worm!) - Afanasy could not do this, he was afraid of offending Feofan, who was already saying to himself: who am I to reason, worm , and that's it. And he looked questioningly at the same time.

Afanasy endured, after Feofan left, he put everything in order and finally began to prepare for home canning, expecting the fly Domna Ivanovna to visit: he already had everything in stock, horseradish, dill, garlic and bay leaves, jars and lids, but Domna Ivanovna preferred Feofan and spent hours visiting him in the trash heap, drinking tea.

Afanasy invited Feofan many times to come with his girlfriend, but he could not stand the presence of women during serious conversations.

However, the spider waited and hoped and finally waited.

Domna Ivanovna came to him, she was already very sick and as a result she tore his curtain, lampshade and sheets, broke the dishes, broke his chest syringe and went with Feofan to the trash heap to drink tea, and Afanasy spent a week cleaning up and running around pharmacies for a syringe .

Once the mosquito Stasik fell in love with the pig Alla, but she did not recognize him, lay completely naked on the shore and fanned herself with her ears, so that she was afraid to fly up.

Stasik laughed bitterly at his misfortune, at his weakness, and the pig Alla kept repeating the same thing: we know you!

Stasik insisted that he feeds only on flower juice, that only aunts from their family drink blood, but the pig Alla, endless as all our open spaces, did not allow Stasik to even sit down, she had such a dangerous manner, shuddering with her whole body, and Stasik fell on he was flying as if knocked down, but not completely, and this is what worried him to the depths of his soul, he kept falling and falling, and still not completely.

Finally, Tomka’s wife came after him, she wanted to hit Alla’s face, but was knocked down by a blow to the ear, and Stasik, patient and persistent, like many husbands, carried the mosquito Tomka from the battlefield and at the same time sat down, touched Alla’s luxurious body with his toes and immediately jumped up as if stung!

It turned out that it was only an appearance, a naked body, in fact Alla was covered with stubble from head to toe, and the short-sighted Stasik, hugging his thin Tomka, once again returned home with her, repeating once again: there is nothing better than family!

The goat Tolik has decided to spend tomorrow's day off with the chamomile Sveta.

However, Sveta was blooming in the garden behind the fence, and Tolik was wandering around the nettles and calling her in vain, urging her to go for a swim or to the cinema to see an American film about goat breeding (porn).

Sveta bloomed surprisingly calmly and if she opened the door for anyone, it was only for the bee Lelya, who was dangling back and forth, rattling buckets.

As a result, the goat Tolik went into the forest, where the wolf Semyon Alekseevich was waiting for him with a bottle of whiskey.

And instead of resting the next day, the goat Tolik lay all day with a wet towel on his head, listening to the sounds of milking, and the wolf Semyon Alekseevich, waking up in the morning, went to the hospital, and he was sent for an x-ray, where Tolik’s left horn was found in his stomach, no one knows how it got there caught.

For a long time, Tolik was ashamed to walk with one horn, especially past the garden where Sveta was blooming: “I got hit on the horns,” he explained, sitting in the barn.

As for Semyon Alekseevich, he did not agree to the operation, he did not stay for the enema either, but returned home to digest the horn at home.

Lyudmila Stefanovna Petrushevskaya

The Tale of the Clock

Once upon a time there lived a poor woman. Her husband died long ago, and she could barely make ends meet. And her daughter grew up beautiful and smart and noticed everything around her: who was wearing what and who was wearing what.

So my daughter comes home from school and let’s dress up in her mother’s clothes, but the mother is poor: one good dress, and even that is mended, one hat with flowers, and even that is old.

So my daughter puts on a dress and a hat, and well, she spins around, but everything turns out wrong, she’s not dressed like her friends. My daughter started looking in the closet and found a box, and in that box was a watch.

The girl was delighted, put the watch on her hand and went for a walk. He walks and looks at his watch. Then some old woman came up and asked:

Girl, what time is it?

And the girl answers:

Five minutes to five.

“Thank you,” says the old lady.

The girl is walking again, looking at her watch. The old lady comes up again.

What time is it, girl? She answers:

It's five minutes to five, grandma.

“Your watch is standing,” says the old lady. - Because of you, I almost missed time!

Then the old woman ran away, and it immediately became dark. The girl wanted to wind the clock, but she didn’t know how to do it. In the evening she asked her mother:

Tell me, how does the watch wind up?

So, have you got a watch? - Mom asked.

No, it's just that my friend has a watch and she wants to give it to me to wear.

“Never wind a watch that you find by chance,” said the mother. A great misfortune may happen, remember this.

At night, the mother found a box with a watch in the closet and hid it in a large saucepan, where the girl never looked.

But the girl did not sleep and saw everything.

The next day she put her watch back on and went outside.

Well, what time is it? - asked the old woman, appearing again.

“It’s five minutes to five,” the girl answered.

It's five minutes to five again? - the old lady laughed. - Show me your watch.

The girl hid her hand behind her back.

“I can already see that this is delicate work,” said the old woman. - But if it doesn't run, it's not a real watch.

Real! - the girl said and ran home.

In the evening she asked her mother:

Mommy, do we have a watch?

We have? - said the mother. - We don't have real watches. If there were, I would have sold them long ago and bought you a dress and shoes.

Do we have fake watches?

“We don’t have such a watch either,” said the mother.

And there aren’t any?

“My mother once had a watch,” the mother answered the girl. “But they stopped when she died, at five minutes to five.” I didn't see them again.

Oh, how I wish I had them! - the girl sighed.

“They are too sad to look at,” the mother answered.

I don't care at all! - the girl exclaimed.

And they went to bed. At night, the mother hid the box with the watch in her suitcase, and the daughter again did not sleep and saw everything.

The next day the girl went out for a walk and kept looking at her watch.

Tell me please, what time is it? - out of nowhere, the old lady asked.

“They don’t walk, but I don’t understand how to start them,” the girl answered. - This is my grandmother's watch.

Yes, I know,” answered the old woman. - She died at five minutes to five. Well, I have to go, otherwise I'll be late again.

Then she left, and it became dark outside. But the girl did not have time to hide the watch in her suitcase and simply put it under the pillow.

The next day, when the girl woke up, she saw the watch on her mother’s hand.

“Here,” the girl shouted, “you were deceiving me, we have a watch, give it to me now!”

I'm not giving it! - said the mother.

Then the girl cried bitterly. She told her mother that she would soon leave her, that everyone had shoes, dresses, bicycles, but she had nothing. And the girl began to pack her things and shouted that she was going to live with an old woman, who invited her.

Without saying a word, the mother took the watch off her hand and gave it to her daughter.

The girl ran out into the street with a watch on her hand and, very happy, began to walk back and forth.

Hello! - said the old woman when she appeared. - Well, what time is it?

“It’s half past five,” the girl answered.

Here the old woman somehow shuddered and shouted:

Who wound up the clock?!

“I don’t know,” the girl was surprised, and she kept her hand in her pocket.

Maybe you turned them on?

No, the watch was under my pillow at home.

Oh, oh, oh, who wound the clock?! - the old woman shouted. - Oh, oh, what should I do?! Maybe they went on their own?

“Maybe,” the girl said and ran, scared, home.

Stop! - the old woman screamed even louder. - Don't break them, don't drop them. This is not a simple watch. They need to be wound up every hour! Otherwise there will be a great misfortune! Better give them to me right away!

“I won’t give it back,” the girl said and wanted to run away, but the old woman detained her:

Wait a minute. Whoever wound this clock wound the time of his life. Understood? Let’s say that if your mother started them, then they will measure the time of her life, and she will have to wind this clock every hour, otherwise it will stop and your mother will die. But that's not so bad. Because if they went by themselves, then they began to count the time of my life.

What do I care? - asked the girl. - This is not your watch, but mine.

If I die, the day will die, what are you talking about! - the old woman shouted. - It’s me who lets out the night every evening and gives the white light a rest! If my time stops, then it's all over!

And the old woman began to cry, not letting go of the girl.

“I will give you everything you want,” she said. - Happiness, a rich husband, that’s all! But just find out who wound the clock.

“I need a prince,” said the girl.

Run, run quickly to your mother and find out who wound the clock! You will have a prince! The little girl screamed and pushed the girl towards the door.

The girl reluctantly trudged home. Her mother lay on the bed, closing her eyes and clutching the blanket tightly.

Mommy! - said the girl. - Dear, dear, tell me, who wound up the clock?

Mom said:

It was I who wound the watch.

The girl leaned out the window and shouted to the old woman:

It was mom who wound the clock herself, calm down!

The old woman nodded and disappeared. It was getting dark. The mother said to the girl:

Give me the watch, I'll wind it. Otherwise I’ll die in a few minutes, I feel it.

The girl extended her hand, and the mother wound up the watch. The girl said:

What now, will you ask me every hour for my watch?

Where to begin?

It can be from plays, or it can be from stories or fairy tales. Be prepared to meet the absurd everyday world, unusual characters, a mixture of reality and mysticism.

Petrushevskaya’s prose is “different”, unidealized, randomness reigns in it and there is no moralizing by the author.

It’s scary to be alone at night, you immediately remember stories about a black hand, black curtains, water dripping in the kitchen... You can hear the cry: “Give me your heart!..” Well, those are familiar sensations to many!

The stories of Lyudmila Petrushevskaya frighten overly sensitive people, while others are surprised by the mixture of reality with mysticism and fantasy.

I focused on several stories that made a strong impression on me in the 90s. At that time, postmodernist prose was just coming into fashion and gradually began to win over its readers.

And I will not hide, I fell under the spell of Lyudmila Petrushevskaya’s works. Compare the ingenuous incident that occurred in Sokolniki with the plot of V. Rasputin’s story “Live and Remember.” Lida and Nastya, oddly enough, are similar in their desire to hide the shameful truth, only one successfully escapes punishment, and the other dies.

The miraculous rescue of Nina Komarova gives us hope that every lost child will definitely be found, you just need to hope and wait, search and believe. And here there is a similarity with the fairy tale about the girl Masha who got lost in the forest and her stay in the house of the three bears.

Not only a mother’s blessing, but also grandmother’s stories and instructions can protect and save. The light of a flashlight is nothing more than a magic ball that shows the fairy-tale hero the right path, a way out of a difficult situation.

So, we read and independently find familiar motifs in the works of Lyudmila Petrushevskaya.

Lyudmila Petrushevskaya

Case in Sokolniki

At the beginning of the war, one woman lived in Moscow. Her husband was a pilot, and she didn’t really love him, but they lived well. When the war began, her husband was left to serve near Moscow, and this Lida went to see him at the airfield. One day she arrived and was told that yesterday her husband’s plane had been shot down near the airfield and that tomorrow there would be a funeral.

Lida was at the funeral, saw three closed coffins, and then returned to her Moscow room, and here a summons awaited her to dig anti-tank ditches. She returned home at the beginning of autumn and sometimes began to notice that a young man of a very strange appearance was following her - thin, pale, emaciated. She met him on the street, in the store where she used cards, on the way to work. One evening the doorbell rang in the apartment, and Lida opened it. That man was standing behind the door, he said: “Lida, don’t you recognize me? I’m your husband.” It turned out that he was not buried at all, they buried the ground, and he was thrown into the trees by an air wave, and he decided not to return to the front. Lida didn’t ask how he lived during those two-plus months; he told her that he left everything he had in the forest and got civilian clothes from an abandoned house.

This is how they began to live. Lida was very afraid that her neighbors would find out, but she got away with it, almost everyone evacuated from Moscow in those months. One day Lida’s husband said that winter was approaching, he needed to go and bury the uniform that he had left in the bushes, otherwise someone would find it.

Lida took a short spade from the janitor and they drove off. We had to take a tram to the Sokolniki area, then walk for a long time through the forest, along some stream. No one stopped them, and finally, in the evening, they reached a wide clearing, on the edge of which there was a large crater. It was already getting dark. The husband told Lida that he did not have the strength, but that he needed to bury this crater, because he remembered that he had thrown his uniform into the crater. Lida looked in there and really saw something like a pilot’s suit underneath. She started throwing earth from above, and her husband was in a hurry because it was getting completely dark. She buried the crater for three hours, and then saw that her husband was gone. Lida got scared, started searching, running, almost fell into the crater, and then she saw that the overalls were moving at the bottom of the crater. Lida started to run. It was completely dark in the forest, but Lida still went out to the tram at dawn, went home and went to bed.

And in a dream her husband appeared to her and said: “Thank you for burying me.”

Nina Komarova

One day, a mother sent her children, a boy and a girl, out for a walk, and told the boy to keep an eye on the little girl. And he started playing, and the girl went to her mother. She went, but on the way she turned into the forest and got lost, sat down under a tree and began to cry. Night came, the little girl was very cold and scared, she was bitten all over by mosquitoes.

And my brother came home alone. Mom asks why are you alone? The brother replies that he thought that his sister had gone home, and therefore was not worried. Mom and Dad took a lantern and started searching around the village, then they went into the forest and kept shouting and calling, but they didn’t find the girl. We contacted the police, and there was only one officer on duty, he said that in the dark you couldn’t see anything anyway, and in the morning they would send a motorcycle to search. The whole family spent the night in the forest, only the mother ran away and opened the door to the house so that her daughter could get in if she came.

And the girl woke up early in the morning and continued to cry in the forest. Here she was found by mushroom pickers, a husband and wife. They began to ask her what her name was, but the girl could not speak, she only sobbed. They carried her into the car and urgently drove to the city, because they thought that the girl had been brought from the city by the same mushroom pickers. And this city was very far from the village where the girl lived. Upon arrival, it turned out that the girl was mute. The police transferred her to an orphanage.

And her own mother fell ill, went to the hospital and lay there for a long time. When she was discharged, autumn came, and the poor woman began to disappear in the forests, looking for her daughter, especially when snow fell and everything became visible. But time passed, and after a few years the family gradually began to calm down, and the boy became very serious and thoughtful, he always remembered that because of him his sister disappeared, although no one said an evil word to him. Mother and father did not reproach him, did not remember the girl in front of him, and only when he went to school did the mother take out her daughter’s shoes and her dress and sit, holding them to her chest, and could cry. The father also became silent and worked a lot, he went to work in the forest, became a forester and almost all the time looked for traces of his daughter in the forests. He had a plan to go all around ten kilometers - a three-year-old girl could not go further.

Meanwhile, this girl learned to speak in the orphanage, went to school with everyone else, and kept thinking about how she ended up in the orphanage. They had a very good, kind teacher, who, after much work, found her the address of the two people who picked her up in the forest.

When the girl grew up, she was already in the eighth grade, and one day she asked to see these people and found them at home. They were very happy with her and said that they had long wanted to visit their foundling, but could not find any traces. In fact, they were simply afraid to tie the mute girl to themselves and take her on themselves. The girl asked them about how they found her and asked for a favor - to take her again by car to the same place where they found her. They immediately got ready and went to the neighboring region one hundred and fifty kilometers away. They brought her to approximately the same place where eleven years ago they left the car to go into the forest. The girl got out of the car and asked which direction they were going next. The old men showed it to her. She thanked her rescuers, said goodbye to them and went into the forest. She walked for a very long time, was severely burned by nettles, climbed into a swamp, everything was the same as before, but now she did not cry or scream, but was looking for a way. Suddenly she went out into a field, and a village was visible in the distance. The girl ran, came to the well and began to wait. Finally a woman appeared with buckets, and the girl asked her for water. The woman looked at her carefully and invited her to come into the house and drink from a mug. At home, the woman gave the girl something to drink, fed her and began asking where she came from. The girl said:

Was there a case in your village where a two- or three-year-old girl disappeared?

I’ve only recently lived here, but you and I will go to the neighboring grandmother, she knows everything here.

They went, and the old woman immediately seemed to recognize the girl, nodded and said that at the other end of the village there lived people, Vera and Sasha, whose child disappeared in the forest about ten years ago.

The old woman and the woman accompanied the girl to that hut; the girl entered the house and saw a gray-haired woman peeling potatoes.

“Hello,” said the girl. “Tell me, is your girl missing?”

“Yes,” the woman said and stood up, holding her heart.

“Maybe it’s me,” the girl said and began to cry.

What is your name?

“I don’t know what my name is,” the girl answered, “in the orphanage they called me Nina Komarova, because they brought me there all bitten by mosquitoes.” A woman and a man found me in the forest; they had a car.

How old are you? - asked the woman.

Don't know. I graduated from eighth grade, I am about fourteen years old. Now I have entered college, I will live in a dormitory.

Then the old woman came in with the woman who was feeding Nina Komarova. The old lady said:

I recognized her, she looks like Lida, your mother.

And the woman whose house they came to fell to the floor unconscious.

The old woman immediately poured a mug of water on her, and Nina Komarova lifted the woman from the floor and laid her on the bed. While the woman was lying there, neighbors came running. Then the rumble of a motorcycle was heard, and a man, supported by the arm of a guy, entered the house with difficulty. The man saw Nina Komarova, approached her and pressed her to his chest.

Anya, Anyutochka,” he repeated.

The mother woke up, the house was packed with neighbors, the eldest son, Valerik, came running from work, and he immediately recognized his sister and immediately calmed down, began to joke, took her in his arms, like a little one, and said:

I thought she would come back, but you didn’t believe it.

Father said:

I knew that she would be found, because I searched every bush around fifteen kilometers.

The mother kept saying that now we need to take Anya out of school, fill out the documents, let her continue her studies, she is still small. We need to quickly buy textbooks, a dress for school...

And she began to list what else needed to be bought.

Everyone looked at old photographs and were surprised at how big and beautiful Anya had grown. And Nina Komarova herself sat and was surprised that all this was happening to her, and wondered if this was a dream.

Flashlight

One day a young girl was returning from the train to her village on a winter evening.

It wasn't far to go, but the road went across the bridge and further up, across the field.

And so, while climbing the mountain, the girl saw some kind of light, as if a flashlight was burning in the hand of a passer-by, and the beam was pointing straight into her eyes.

She was scared, it was already late and dark, there was no one around, only this beam of light that was approaching along the path.

What was to be done?

It’s too dangerous to turn back, it’s like running away, they’ll catch up and kill you, and going towards the flashlight is also scary, but in this case it’s better to pretend that nothing is happening.

The girl quickly put her small money from her purse into her bosom and walked as if nothing had happened towards the flashlight.

Her heart beat with fear, but she did not slow down or stop, so as not to show that she was afraid.

This flashlight beam, however, kept shining and shining, but did not move one step closer, and the girl flew towards this light, like a butterfly towards the light of a lamp.

She had been walking like this for quite some time and suddenly noticed that she was walking straight across the field.

The path disappeared somewhere, only a flashlight glowed ahead.

It was not difficult to walk across the field; the snow had packed long ago, although the field was hilly.

The snow provided some kind of illumination, and the girl began to choose the level path, although where she was going was unknown.

Then something strongly jerked from the side and illuminated the entire surroundings like lightning, only it lasted longer.

The girl even looked back in the direction of this explosion, but nothing was visible.

Then she looked around and realized that she had absolutely no idea where she was.

It was dark, the snow was quietly shining, and in the distance someone stood motionless, indistinguishable, with his flashlight.

And the girl obediently walked towards the light of this lantern: at least she could ask for directions.

Even though she grew up in these places, anything can happen to a person.

It was clear to her that she was lost.

She walked and walked, the light of the flashlight was leading her somewhere, and she no longer completely understood why she was moving across the snowy field, and where her home was and how much time had passed.

Sometimes she fell and jumped up in horror, remembering Grandma Poly’s stories about how tired people who wanted to rest froze in the snow.

Polya’s grandmother died not so long ago; she raised her granddaughter from birth and talked to her all the time, all the time, even when she still couldn’t speak.

The girl could barely walk because she was very tired, she studied at a trade college, and that day they had practice in a store, on their feet all day.

Usually she didn’t come back so late, she tried to stay overnight with a friend in Moscow, but today it didn’t work out, her relatives came in large numbers.

The girl thought that her father and mother probably went to meet her and didn’t meet her, because she turned off the path into the field and got lost, and now her parents returned home and called her friend in Moscow, and how they took this news that their daughter left on the train a long time ago?

The girl cried a little, but then she walked like a tree: she realized that there was no salvation for her, this flashlight light was luring her somewhere.

Her heart was beating, her mouth was dry, her throat was raw.

Sometimes she walked with her eyes closed, sometimes she turned to the side - but she knew that the light of the lantern was still shining ahead.

Finally she bumped into something hard and screamed.

It was a cemetery fence, a low picket fence.

In front of her was a piece of forest in a field, old trees, crosses barely visible in the darkness and monuments behind a fence, covered with snow.

The flashlight beam (or candle flame) was now lost in the thick of the trees and was shining from afar.

The girl realized where she was and realized that the flashlight was now shining on the grave of Polly’s grandmother.

And unconsciously, completely without thinking about anything, the girl went to the gate to enter the cemetery.

However, she was horrified to hear someone’s loud breathing behind her and a slight rustle.

She did not look back, only quickened her steps and pulled her head into her shoulders, expecting the blow.

And then someone lightly touched her mitten, and then took her and pulled her to the side.

The girl opened her eyes and saw a small shaggy dog, who was looking at her, smiling.

My soul immediately felt lighter.

The girl looked through the fence - the light in the cemetery had gone out.

The dog again pulled the girl to the side.

The girl stood on a well-trodden, rather wide path, on which spruce branches lay scattered - apparently from the last funeral.

And then the girl ran as fast as she could along this well-worn path, and the dog immediately fell behind.

This, apparently, was a dog that picked up leftovers from the funeral in the cemetery and fed on it, such a cemetery beggar, and it never left its place.

Half an hour later the girl was already approaching her village.

And her father and mother, as it turned out later, really went to meet their daughter, but halfway there they saw and heard an explosion ahead. It was a gas pipeline that ran across the path that exploded.

The explosion blew away the trees around, everything was charred, and a tall torch burned with a whistle.

The girl's parents rushed to the scene of the explosion, looked all around, but found nothing, no remains.

Then they went to the station, called Moscow, learned from their daughter’s friend that she had left two hours ago, waited for the last train, met no one, and then quickly went home, now on a different route, hoping for the last thing - that they missed their daughter.

When they returned, they called the police, but they were told that everyone was at the scene of the accident and no one would go look now.

The mother was on her knees praying in front of the icon, the father was lying facing the wall on the sofa when the girl entered the house.

The father sat down on the sofa and grabbed his heart, the mother rushed to her and hugged her with the words:

Where have you been? And we thought that God had taken you away,” and then she began to cry. - That Polya’s grandmother called you to her place. You know, there was an explosion on your path. Soon after your train arrives. We figured you must have been caught in that explosion. We were looking for you there.

Yes,” the girl answered. - I saw the explosion, but I was already far away. I was near her. Baba Polya called me.