Jokes about religion. About religion Funny jokes about God

A certain missionary arrived on a distant island.
- Hello, monsieur! - the baby greets him at the port.
- Call me “my father.”
- That’s great, my mother will be so pleased! Otherwise she said that you would never come back!

Jokes about Religion, No. 3:

Father Brown was a zealous missionary after all.
- Why?
- When the cannibals put him in the cauldron, he exclaimed: “At least, let’s hope they will now get a taste for religion!”

Jokes about Religion, No. 5:

Christ gathered the apostles and spoke, and Peter and John played dice in the gallery (3 dice). Ivan threw the dice - 17 points, Peter threw the dice - 18 points. Christ looked at the disgraces, walked up, took the dice, and threw them - 21. Peter:
- Christ, come on, no miracles, we’re playing for money here.

Jokes about Religion, No. 7:

From Adam's conversation with God:
- Do you feel sorry for your ribs?
- No, just some kind of bad feeling...

Jokes about Religion, No. 9:

Drought. Jewish farmers come to the tzaddik and ask for a miracle to make it rain.
“No,” the tzaddik answers, “there will be no miracle, for you have no faith in the Lord.”
- But why, rabbi?
- If you really believed in Jehovah, you would come with umbrellas.

Jokes about Religion, No. 12:

Anti-religious propaganda campaign in the Volga region, 30s, village. After a lecture on the topic: “Religion is the opium of the people,” old people are sitting on a bench, and the lecturer approaches them:
- Well, now you understand that God is bad? Old men:
- We have always been against God, may Allah punish him...

Jokes about Religion, No. 13:

Above the entrance to the synagogue hangs a sign: “Entering here with your head uncovered is the same sin as adultery.” And below it is written by hand: “I tried both - the second is much more pleasant!”

Probably only in our country you can find cool jokes about religion. Moreover, these are really funny jokes that evoke only positive emotions. Some of the funny jokes about religion have unusual developments, but, more often than not, standard jokes about priests are jokes related to various religions and their representatives.

Funny jokes about priests

If you believe the stories of eyewitnesses, then all the clergy are somewhat different from each other. That's funny jokes about priests adhere to the same principle. If you want to imagine an image from a joke, first look at the funny demotivators about the priest. This will be a tall, plump, healthy man, dressed in a cassock and with a huge beard. Therefore, when you read jokes about priests, this is the image that immediately appears.

Funny jokes about God

It would seem that, funny jokes about God– this is such a cautious topic that you can’t really joke about it. But no, right on our website you will find several very original, and most importantly, funny jokes about God, in which God directly communicates with ordinary people. This can be either a confused sinner or an ordinary priest who proves the righteousness of his actions, although the other day he sinned very much.

New jokes about the priest

To find cool ones new jokes about the priest– you won’t need to search for a long time for an appropriate humorous site, since here you will find all the necessary jokes. In addition to jokes about priests, you can view funny cartoons about religion, in which clergymen also make weird jokes. Although, for me, laughable jokes about my father will always be more fun than any cartoon jokes.

Funny jokes about Adam and Eve

The biblical characters Adam and Eve should also be classified as religious themes. That's why funny jokes about Adam and Eve We add it to the category of jokes about religion. There are not too many of these jokes on the Internet, and most often the dialogue also occurs with the third character - God. Jokes about Adam and Eve are funny because of the serpent's tricks, Eve's naivety and Adam's resourcefulness. Each joke reveals its own story, which will be remembered for a long time. Some phrases from jokes can even be included in funny aphorisms about religion, since they are both funny and encourage you to think a little about the eternal.

Three clergy are sitting in the middle of the river in a boat: Orthodox, Catholic and Jewish. They catch fish. They ran out of bread. The Catholic stood up and said:

- I'll go get some bread.

He stepped over the side of the boat and walked along the water to the shore, bought bread and returned along the water too... No one said anything. They ran out of bait. The Orthodox man got up, stepped over the side of the boat and walked through the water to the shore, took out bait and also returned through the water... Again no one said anything. Suddenly they ran out of vodka. The Jew stood up and said:

- I'll go and get it.

He stepped over the side of the boat and, like an ax, sank to the bottom...

“You should have told him how the stones were positioned.”

Orthodox:

– What stones?

– Our service is both dangerous and difficult...

- Excuse me, but are you really our new priest? Do you really know how to conduct a service?

A priest is walking through the desert, and a lion meets him.

The priest begins to pray:

“Lord, instill Christian thoughts in this lion.”

Leo kneels:

- God bless my food!

Priest to the rabbi:

– Maybe you’ll still try a piece of ham?

– I’ll try, I’ll definitely try – at your wedding.

A young priest turns to an old and experienced priest for help:

– Tomorrow is the first sermon, I’m so excited! Help, tell me what to do.

– A glass of wine before the sermon and everything will be fine.

After the sermon they meet, the young man asks, how is it? Old says:

– Everything would be fine, but there are a number of shortcomings. First. I said glass, not jug. Second. They ceremoniously ascend to the pulpit, and do not crawl. Third. Jesus had Apostles, not Apezdoles. Fourth. And there were twelve of them, not a fucking cloud. Fifth. The censer is waved rhythmically at the waist, rather than spun over the head with cries of “rock and roll is alive!” Sixth. Dual fingering is done with the index and middle fingers, rather than the little finger and forefinger. Seventh. At the end of the prayer you should say “Amen!”, and not “Fuck you, sinners!” And eighth. After prayer, the priest should go to his cell and pray, and not get on a motorcycle parked on the altar and not crush half of the parishioners...

The three monks were so righteous that the abbot allowed them to indulge in sin for one day on the condition that they tell in the evening what they did. The first monk returned at one in the morning.

Abbot:

- What did you do?

- I'm ashamed to admit. I smoked everything: cigarettes, drape, marijuana, tea, coffee and even black pepper.

- Well, nothing, go drink holy water and go to bed, your sins have been forgiven.

The second one returned at two o'clock in the morning.

- What did you do?

– I have sinned terribly: I fucked in every way with women, men, children, dogs and even a CD.

- Go drink holy water, I forgive you your sins!

The third returned at 3 am.

- What did you do?

- I committed a terrible sin. I can't admit it!

- But we agreed!

- Okay, I'll tell you. I pissed in holy water!

– I am sure that God exists!

- You can’t prove it!

- I’ll prove it! Over the entire existence of mankind, all the religions of the world and all their clergy, despite their activities, have never been able to destroy faith in God!

- I have a beard and you will tell me yes, and you will tell me yes...

- Holy Father, what’s wrong with you?

The old Viking teaches the young shoots:

– If you land on the shore of an English village and see a church, rob it.

- But why, father?

- You know, if there is a church there, then there is nothing to rob in the village.

In confession:

– My son, have you renounced Satan?

“I can’t, Holy Father, I have three children with her.”

A monk sits and prays: like, Lord, give me this, give me that, I fasted, I didn’t sin, I led a righteous lifestyle...

Then God pops out of the cloud and says:

- Yeah, I didn’t sin, of course. Who fucked the novice yesterday?!

Well, the monk got scared and started babbling:

- Oh, forgive me, Lord, Satan has misled me.

God turns somewhere to the side and asks:

- Listen, Lucius - did you say anything to him yesterday?

- No. This is actually the first time I've seen this asshole.

God takes out a notebook and says:

– So let’s write it down: fucked up against the Prince of Darkness...

In the church.

“Did I sin, my daughter?”

- Oh, I sinned, father!

- Do you repent?

- I repent, father!

- Well, kiss the crucifix... but without your tongue!

A young teacher arrived at a rural school. In the first lesson she says:

– Children, remember: there is no God! Feel free to point your figs into the sky.

All the children began to unanimously point figs to the sky. Only Moishe sits quietly in the back desk and doesn’t show anything.

- Moishe, why don’t you show your shit? There is no God!

– If there is no one there, then who should show the figs?... And if there is someone there, then why spoil the relationship?...

- Hello! Can I call from you?

- Call me, my son! Just be careful with the bell.

A Catholic priest says to his colleague:

– Will there ever come a time when we can get married?

“We won’t live to see that,” he replies. - Maybe only our children will survive...

Three blondes are knocking at the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter answers them that, they say, before going to heaven, you need to answer some simple question from the Catechism - for example, what is Easter?

First blonde:

- Is this in the fall, or something, when they fry turkey and then gorge themselves all day long, right?!

“It’s bad, it’s bad - walk by,” answers Saint Peter.

The second blonde, after thinking, suggests:

- And I know, and I know! This is in winter, when they put up Christmas trees and give gifts to each other!

“Get out,” answers Saint Peter, and, turning to the third, he suggests, “come on now.”

“Passover,” says the third blonde, “is when Jesus and his disciples celebrated the Jewish Passover, and Jesus turned wine into blood, and Judas betrayed him, and while they were sleeping in the garden, the Romans came and arrested him, and then they beat him and crucified him.” on the cross, and then they took him off the cross and put him in a cave, and they blocked the entrance to the cave with a stone, and then he was resurrected!

“Well, damn it,” was all that the amazed Peter could say...

And the blonde continues:

-... and now once a year this stone is moved away, and if it comes out and sees its shadow, then winter continues for another six weeks...

Adam wakes up from a wild hangover. He feels that something is wrong, feels himself with his hands and begins to yell in a bad voice:

– Who ordered the girls yesterday?...

Adam and Eve are frolicking in the garden, God comes down to them and says:

- My children, I have two gifts for you, only you must decide which one. The first gift is to pee standing up.

Well, Adam screamed the loudest of all and banged his head against the trees that he wanted to pee standing up, that he had been dreaming all his life. Eva gave in to him. And Adam ran through the garden, rejoiced, jumped, shouted, pissed on everything! On the trees, on the flowers, on every bug and just on the ground!

Eve stood next to God. In silence they looked at this madness together... And then Eve asked:

– My God, what’s the second gift?...

And God said:

- Brains, Eva. Brain…! But, Eve, you’ll also have to give your brains to Adam, otherwise he’ll shit everything here!

The seminarian asks the priest:

-Who did people come from? From Adam and Eve or from the monkey?

Father answers:

“Both are true, my son.” After all, Eva didn’t use soap, combed her hair with her fingers, did her nails with her teeth, wore crappy clothes... no makeup. So she was still that monkey.

And one day Adam came to the Creator. And asked him:

- Almighty, what kind of snake lives in my house, steals apples from the Garden of Eden and takes them to Eve?

- Let him live with you for now. Yes... and call her mother-in-law. Your family will need this.

- Father, the fast has begun... And how can it be now, with a woman?

- Yes, if you're not fat.

And any other jokes of the genre can be classified as specific and very unusual. Some people won’t like funny cartoons about religion at all, and they will classify the jokes as blasphemous. However, you shouldn't take these drawings too seriously. They simply have fun, lifting the mood of readers of humorous sites.

Funny temple cartoons

The humor in funny temple cartoons will most often revolve around the construction of a new building and attempts to get money. Yes, funny temple cartoons They also show such jokes. Of course, in funny caricatures of the church one can try to see attempts to convey to us that the church is a greedy organization built only on money laundering. But again, you don’t need to take the laughable caricatures of the church seriously. It's funny - are you having fun? Not funny - look for other drawings.

Funny orthodox temple cartoons

What is the difference then? funny orthodox temple cartoons from other drawings? They have more dialogue. Moreover, characters in funny Orthodox church cartoons on any topic can communicate. These could be plans to build a new temple, or jokes in the style, yesterday the bells rang for three hours intercity. Of course, in funny church demotivators There are more topics for discussion, then the laughing caricatures of the temple take on a cheerful style of drawings.

Naughty caricatures of priests

Priests have been the main targets for trolling throughout history. Even in the Middle Ages, when they enjoyed absolute power, some Galileo could always be found with the words “But still it turns.” Naughty caricatures of priests they mock their characters incomparably. The jokes, excellent in terms of humor, do not require additional explanation. In the mischievous caricatures of priests, everything is clear without words. And even jokes without dialogue are great fun with their pictures.

The latest church cartoons

If you only want to read the latest church cartoons and view the funniest religion aphorisms– register on our website. Here you will find thousands of jokes on the topic of religion and tens of thousands on other, no less interesting topics. After a short registration procedure, you will become part of our site, and you will be able to add jokes yourself, comment on the most successful jokes, and also give names to numerous photo jokes.