Comic dialogues and funny stories from KVN TV broadcasting company SVOY KRUG. Short funny dialogues for growth and takeaway Humorous dialogues

The family is expecting an addition. Lisa (5 years old) asks her mother:
- Why is your belly getting bigger and bigger?
“I ate a watermelon, swallowed a seed, and now a new watermelon is growing in my stomach!” - Mom answers.
Lisa narrows her eyes and puts her hands on her hips:
“Aren’t you pregnant, my dear?”

My son is 2 years 6 months old. I brought him to the children's hospital for vaccination.
We sit in the vaccination room, waiting while my aunt loads the syringe. Suddenly he
turns to me and says:
- I’ll wait for you in the car, okay?!

In the summer, my son (4 years old) sits and takes a blade of grass into his mouth as if
smokes Speaks:
- Mom, look, I smoke.
- Kolya, you can’t smoke!
- Mom, I’m weed.

We are returning from the fireworks show. Cub (3 years 6 months) all 50
minutes of the performance I sat spellbound. The car burst.
He hugs me by the neck from the back seat:
- Mommy, I’m so happy! Thank you for giving birth to me.

Kirill (2 years 1 month) on the street saw him coming out of the entrance
man and without unnecessary greetings, addresses:
- Did you go for a walk?
The man was dumbfounded:
- Yeah.
—Have you put on your hat?
- Yes.
- And put on mittens. Cold. Very cold.

In the garden the teacher says:
- What to do? We have two Kolyas.
Mine says:
- Call me, Nikolai first...

My five-year-old son is standing in the bathroom, looking at his “household” and
says thoughtfully:
- I understand - here it is, the end of the spine...

Anton (6.5 years old) asks:
- Mom, I forgot, cows, sheep, chickens, geese - in one word
are they called? Cattle or bastards?

Daughter:
- Dad, when the renovation is finished, how old will I be?

My younger sister once decided to call her father at work herself:
- Hello! Is this dad's job? Call dad!

The other day I found my “diary of young Natasha-mama.”
“My son is 15 months old (now 5.5 years old). I can't ride in public
transport, because I'm dying of laughter. Let's go in and sit down, son.
chooses a nearby young man, smiles sweetly and says:
- Dad!
Many “papas” got off at the nearest stop...”

I was walking with my son (2 years old) in the park and saw twins. Seeing them and
looking at it in surprise for a long time, he says:
- Where is mine?!

Mother:
- Yes, Veronica, we probably spoiled you... We’ll have to
punish!
- How is it that you spoiled me and punished me?

A daughter has been begging for a brother or sister from relatives for a long time.
Mom explains to her:
- Well, understand, dear, dad is on a flight, he won’t arrive soon, and without dad we can’t have a child.
But the girl was quickly found:
“On the contrary, let’s start it now, and dad will come, and we’ll tell him: “Surprise!”

I bought myself a silver set (bracelets and a ring) on ​​an ancient Egyptian theme. My daughter (4 years old) looks attentively, then asks:
- Mom, is this Ancient Egypt?
- Yes daughter.
Husband asks:
- Daughter, how do you know that this is Ancient Egypt? What if this is Ancient China?
— Dad, your watch is ancient China, and mom’s is Ancient Egypt.

Away. Adults are modest. The hostess says:
- Why don’t you eat at all? Help yourself, isn't it delicious?
A child (4.5 years old) comes out and loudly says:
- You are not at home here, eat what they give you!
I brought the phrase from kindergarten...

I scolded my son (5 years old) for something. He sat down on the floor, took out paper, pencils, and “sulked” at me:
“Then I’ll draw you fat!”

My husband and I got married when our youngest third son was 3 years old. Well, before everything somehow never got around to it. Once upon a time we had everything.
A couple of weeks before the actual event, the middle son (9 years old) asks:
- Mom, why are you always fussing with Anya (his godmother), running somewhere all day long, what kind of carnival dress did you bring?
Anya laughs:
“Tolik, it’s your mother who’s lost her mind and is getting married.”
Tolik is dumbfounded like this:
- Does dad know?

A friend tried to teach her son to sleep in the nursery. He fell asleep with his parents, she took him to the children's room. About 15 minutes later he returns and goes back to bed with his parents. His mother took him back to the nursery. He's back again. She carries him to the “place” for the third time, and in his sleep he:
- Well, how long will we run like this?!

I took my youngest daughter to work with me. She walked and wandered around there and went into the director’s office. I sit and hear them talking about something, and the little one proudly reports:
- And my mother can still grunt!

My daughter asks me:
- Mom, what time was I born?
I told her:
- At twelve at night.
And she scared me:
- Oh, I probably woke you up?!

Grandmother is enthusiastically watching a fashion show on TV. Anton (4 years old):
- Grandma, what is evening dress?
Grandmother, without looking up from the screen:
- Well, Antoshka, imagine that a girl puts on her most elegant dress, a boy puts on his most beautiful suit...
Anton interrupts impatiently:
“And they go poop together?”

At our grandmother’s dacha there is a simple “hole in the floor” toilet.
When Anya had to use it, she asked to be held by the hand. At the same time she kept repeating:
- Just hold me tightly. You remember, after all, that I am your favorite girl in the world?

I’m watching the news, my son runs in and shouts:
- Oh, Medvedev!
I ask:
— Do you know who Medvedev is?
- Yes - Putin.

The wife went to the maternity hospital for safekeeping. I, my son Svyatoslav (4 years old) and my son Egor (2 years old) remained at home. I only know how to cook pasta. So, I cooked some pasta for them and added a little salt. Saint came running first and tried it. Without saying anything, he leaves the table. Goes to the nursery. At the door he meets Yegor, going to eat, takes him by the hand, takes him to the nursery and says:
- Egor, don’t eat. You are my only brother so far...

I had to invite my mother.

We went to the store and left the car under a tree. While we were walking, a flock of birds flew in and pretty much shit on the roof and hood. I had to take the car to a car wash and wash it until it was clean. After washing my son looked at the car and said:
- Well, the birds will look at the car and say: “They pooped, pooped and all in vain!”

A son at the zoo asks his father:
- Dad, if a tiger breaks out of the cage and eats you, what bus should I take home?

Leva is 6 years old. Let's go with him to a neurologist. Lyovka is capricious - he is tired of the doctors. I tell him:
“This doctor won’t do anything to you, he’ll just talk.”
- That's all?
- Well, maybe he’ll knock with a hammer, but it won’t hurt.
We've arrived, let's go in. Doctor:
- Hello, Lyovushka!
- Hello! Well, where is your ax?!

We hope that we have cheered you up, smile more often!

- The sun has set!
- For what?

– Mom, is it true that I’m scary?
“Nothing now, but when she was born, the doctor said: “If she moves, shoot...”

A female doctor with a cold throat quietly says to a patient who comes in:
- Take off your clothes...
- And you? – the patient asks quietly.

- Here I can drink a liter of vodka, and not see it in one eye!
– Why the hell should I drink then?

– My cat was a bailiff in a past life.
– Describes the property?
- Not only. Today in the hallway he also made an arrest...

Boy to girl:
- Do you have a car?
- Eat.
- Will you give it to me in the evening?
- I'll give it. Why did you ask about the car?

– Yesterday I had a fight with my girlfriend.
- Again?
– In the evening I wanted to write an SMS “pep, smack.”
- And what?
– I was in a hurry, I didn’t type the last 2 letters.

Conversation between father and son:
- Son, don’t get carried away with girls in the capital.
- Well, what are you doing, dad, how can you!
– I told you how it’s possible yesterday, but still don’t get carried away.

-Will you go alone? It's so dark outside!
- Nothing. I'll try not to scare anyone.

A small, frightened girl comes home and says to her mother:
- Mom, they wanted to kill me!
- Where did you get the idea?!
“I was sitting, playing in the sandbox, then two men came, took out glasses and a bottle, and said: “Fuck him for a little!”

– Is friendship possible between a man and a woman?
– Of course, but you should always have condoms with you.

In the bus:
- Grandma, are you coming out?
- No
– Then move to the other neck!

– The analysis showed that you have protein in your urine.
- Damn it. So is it that my egg is leaking?

Mom was away for two weeks. Upon returning, she asks her son:
– Was dad sad when I wasn’t at home?
– At first, no, but the last two days he became sadder and sadder.

Call to the sobering-up station:
– Did they bring Ivanov to you today?
- No.
- And they won’t bring it! I'm drinking at home today!

- Dad! What is dialogue?
- This is a conversation between two people.
– Is this when mom talks to you?
- No, this is a monologue.

In the courtroom. Judge:
- Man, why did you rape a little girl?
“Why did she throw sand at me?”

– How do you say “blink” in Ukrainian?
– Drink at intervals.

The son turns to his oligarch father:
- Dad, I’m going for a walk, give me some money.
- Well, take it on the shelf there.
- How long can you take?
- Take a couple of centimeters.

– Girl, you must have strong, healthy teeth.
- How did you guess?
“Can you really eat such an ass with bad teeth?”

“I tried on everything my ass could fit into!”
- So how is it?
- The shoes are great!

- Mom, everyone says I’m a fool!
- Who is speaking, daughter?
- Flies.

“What are you asking the waiter so pitifully for?”
- A book of complaints!

– Doctor, please advise how to avoid pregnancy during sex without a condom?
– You know, many people don’t remember what is said from the words, let me show you better.

Dialogues from KVN in the Archives of the "Recreation" section

They say that having sex is the same as running a hundred meters!
No. I will never run a hundred meters in 5-6 seconds...
Did you know that, according to statistics, women live longer?
Of course! They also have to clean, wash the dishes...
Hello! Where are you?
In prison!
Why?
And the parents left. They asked me to sit with my brother...
Let's make a blockbuster!
I didn’t even put it on...
I went to test my IQ yesterday...
And what did they say?
Noises found...
Girl! How much will you charge per night?
$2
why so little?
I snore...
Do you know how I met my wife? Once I was standing on the seashore and I saw a girl drowning...
And you saved her?
No. I was busy. I’m telling you, I met my future wife...
And my son went to college!
Well done! Which one?
Sklifosovsky. They called me and said that my son had been admitted to them...
Quasimodo! Where did you get this from?
From a camel...
Darling, could you take off your clothes?
No question. And at whose gate?
Daughter, if you are going to a disco, then iron your skirt...
But not necessarily. They'll pet you there...
And we recently married a sucker...
You probably wanted to say scammed?
Waiter! Do you have vodka?
Yes. Stamps Joan of Arc.
Good?
Scorched...
Why was I late for class?
And my hamster had a heart attack. I wanted to watch...
Who is Mikhalkov?
And this is the one whose dad wrote the soundtrack to the Russian Federation...
How to find a common language?
Kiss...
I spend so much time in front of the mirror, but they still don’t go away...
I'm afraid that "Lomo psoriasis" has nothing to do with it. It's your breasts...
Rose! Why are you so small?
So I’m Luxembourg...
Who took first place in the drinking competition?
Russians?
No. Finns. Who's second?
Russians?
No. French people. And the third?
Russians?
Calm down... Russians were on the jury!
Do you know why police officers do not get AIDS?
So?
And no one likes them....
Do you know how American mothers call their children home?
Yankees! Go home...
The plane of the President of Belarus crashed while taking off from the Minsk-2 airfield!
It is unknown whether the president was there, but the whole country hopes for the best...
Latvia wants to join NATO!
And Belarus will be hit... With nuclear missiles!
Zhirinovsky was going to wash his feet in the Indian Ocean and his hands in the Atlantic...
It’s interesting, if you estimate from the map what it will wash in the Persian Gulf... As the classic wrote, there are two troubles in Russia - roads and fools...
And in Belarus there are three - roads, fools and Russia...
What is the main political paradox in Belarus?
There are elections, but there is no choice!
Where are the sexiest men?
In Greece! There fig leaves reach a length of 20-25 cm...
What if I’m a girl?
Don't be upset! It's not for life...
He was awarded an Oscar for his supporting role...
Why doesn’t the first one break through?
What is the difference between anxiety and panic?
Approximately 28 days...
Are you an ear, nose and throat doctor?
No, “lip-hand-heel”!
Why are there so many beautiful girls in spring?
And the rest of the year you evaluate them with your brain...
In our country, there are 1.5 cars for every resident, including children and the elderly...
Yeah, and judging by the number of accidents, they are the ones driving these cars...
What is the speed limit in the city of Minsk?
60 km.
And in Riga?
50 km.
Well, after this, prove that Latvians are not slow...
This year Belarus will have an unprecedented harvest!
How is it?
Yes, it wasn’t there last year and it won’t be this year.
Do you know what Archimedes found when returning from a business trip in his wife’s bedroom? Pythagorean pants!..
Do you know what a man experiences when his wife cheats on him?
– ?
Rogasm!
Did you know that the Jews used to live in the desert?
Why do you think so?
Yes? Where is the water?
Where did the name Frankfurt am Main come from?
Once upon a time there lived a simple German guy, Frank, and one day a simple German girl, Maina, came to visit him...
Ah, now I understand where the name Komsomolsk-on-Amur came from!
The nightingale in the bushes sings about love...
Why about love?
And what he sees, that’s what he sings about...
And I'm a maniac wizard!
How is it?
And after all there is a rainbow in the sky!
Yesterday I took my mother-in-law to the shooting range...
And how?
Nimble...
My girlfriend has such fluffy eyelashes!
So that’s good!
Yes. But not all over the body...
Can you play notes?
How can you play on them if they are all crossed out?
I’m thinking about what to name my son... I’ve already gone through all the names...
Don't be upset! There are more numbers...
How is Father Frost different from Santa Claus?
Santa will deliver gifts in the morning, and Father Frost will deliver...
My girlfriend told me so - now try not to get married!
What about you?
Tried it. And then he didn’t get married...
Yesterday I watched amoebas for three hours and realized how a person differs from an animal...
And with what?
And no animal can watch amoebas for three hours!
I'm pregnant!
What do I have to do with it?
Yes? And who shook pollen from flowers at me?
Once I came to see my wife, and she was in a peignoir!
So what?
Like what! I came to work!...
Do you remember how it was with old man Khotabych? Fuck you!
Moreover, tibeduh at will...
Yesterday I told a joke to the cops from the mounted police...
So what? Got it?
Laughed!
Don't treat women like dolls!
Why? Some dolls are treated like women...
Is this phone sex?
Yes!...
I want dirty, dirty sex!
No question! I haven't brushed my teeth for two weeks...
Hello! Can I have Monica?
She's at the machine...
Let him break away and come up!
I ate turtle soup yesterday!
So how?
Yes, it’s more convenient from a plate...
Somehow there is moss on my head...
You probably sleep with your head facing north...
I picked mushrooms yesterday and treated my mother-in-law...
What if there were poisonous ones among them?
What does suddenly mean? From a conversation between snipers:
And I like brunettes more...
Why?
You can see them better in the snow... Aladdin took the lamp and began to rub it, and from there the voice was so languid:
Lower, lower, rub your nose... Yesterday two electricians were detained. Sitting on a pole, they invited passers-by to hold on to the hanging wire...
Why?
The talk show was organized... Telegram from Monica Lewinsky to the center:
The task is completed by PO. Colonel Isaev point. You don’t know how presidents cope with the flu?
Oh! Presidents are the best carriers of the flu! And the other day I starred in a porn film!
Starring?
No, there’s a girl in the lead, and I’m just an extra... Listen, do you know where the grave of the little humpbacked horse is?
Why do you need it?
Yes, I want to see if the grave fixed him! Do you Zheglov know how to treat women?
Have you ever seen a woman on my desktop Sharapov?
No, you turn them over all the time! What is plumbing?
This is where it drips...
Is this like in your barn?
Remember! What's dripping in my shed is BUSINESS!
How are riot police and shamans similar?
Both of them love to beat the tambourine...
Should we call the girls?
Aren’t you ashamed? And also married!!! We won't call, but we'll call...
That’s it... nothing works out with the girls, I’m leaving for a monastery...
Do you think it will work with monks?...
I forgot to turn on the iron at home...
Do you think there will be a fire?...
No damn it! Everything will be ironed!!!
Girl, please give me your cell phone number...
So it was just stolen from me!
Yes, I know it was stolen... Give me your number...
You and your humor are like a bear...
What's scary?...
No. Just FUCKED UP already!!!
What do you think?
Show? :) Why did you become a fascist?
Yes, I didn’t pass medical school, but I still don’t like people... Why did athletes in ancient times perform naked?
And this is so that the doping is immediately visible... Aramis! I challenge you to a duel! You smell like Costancia!
Calm down D'artagnan, now every third person drinks...
What will happen if all vodka disappears in Russia?
Remember! In nature, nothing disappears without a trace. If it disappears somewhere, it will appear somewhere. That's where Russia will be!
Do you know that a man has a larger brain?
More than what?
Here a woman brought a dog for mating...
Tell me that I will contact her myself...
Yesterday I slept in a concrete mixer...
And how?
Concrete gets in the way... I earned this money with sweat and blood...
Yeah. Was a sweating donor... What is the way to a woman’s heart?
I don’t know exactly what it’s called, but it’s about 20 cm shorter... Your friend is completely crazy...
Why?
So yesterday he rolled the snow woman all evening...
So what? Everyone rides them...
So he gave her a ride in a taxi!

At the post office, pensioners constantly took away a public pen, even tied to the counter with a thread - they signed the transfers and, out of forgetfulness, put it in their bag. The thread was breaking. One day, the cashier’s husband brought especially thin and durable rubber from a military factory - for...

I bought a voice recorder. Give it to a friend for the New Year. So tiny, digital. And in the morning I was getting dressed, and it fell out of my trousers. And on the rug... he fucked. And I apparently accidentally put it under the bed - once! Tapcom. And he turns on the sound...

I stopped a white Opel here. Well, with a rod, you know, a stick for Management. The driver gets out, he’s tired, he’s on fumes, his eyes are red. “That’s it, I say, I’m off! Come on, go on foot." - “It’s not fair, let me blow into the tube, let’s see...” - “What...

I worked in the circus for 50 years, but I won’t work with you, Mr. Director! Write off such a horse! All! Enough! Here is my statement!.. Wait! Come in, Vera!.. Look at her teeth! Young girl! Vera, stop laughing, it’s not funny, they want to write you off!.. It’s okay...

They meet in the hallway of apartment 1. 1 Hello, hello, come in, come in, bro... Well, let's kiss. How many years, how many winters!.. And where is the wife? He promised to bring it! I’ve been married for 12 years, and you still haven’t introduced her to me!! Maybe you're single? 2 Meet...

(The dog is an absolute indifference. Smart and lazy. He doesn’t immediately follow the border guard’s commands, reluctantly. He thinks out loud. The border guard doesn’t hear him. But the dog hears and understands everything. They go out together. The border guard is in front). -So... How are you? (sternly) Sit! (The dog slowly, like a master, sits down in...

I received a letter from my son, I don’t know what to think! He's in my army! First he writes that I should keep an eye on Yulka, his fiancee... Why should I keep an eye on him? Yulka has charisma - it’s creepy! And so economic. Holding piglets. I already...

My mother-in-law and I were stopped by a traffic cop... Drunk. And about my mother-in-law he suddenly says: “Who is this fat one?!” And my mother-in-law is very big, and that day her bag was stolen... and at the hairdresser she cut her hair too short... and sold it at the market...

Yurok! Vovchik! All! Sleep, no fairy tales! Grandfather is very tired and his leg hurts. One? Only one! Good or scary? Scary to you? Pee yourself again. And what about you? About Kolobok? In general, I’m telling you one thing - it’s terribly kind. Once upon a time there lived a kind, kind grandfather... and grandmother! Old...

Hello! I said, I won’t go anywhere and I won’t rewrite anything! I got sick... “Eat a pill”! You didn’t even ask what made me sick!.. I’m telling you: What’s your business?! And generally speaking! The author does not have to attend the rehearsal! ...Edit? Okay, so be it...

Serenya came to me on the night of December 31st, when everyone had already gone to bed. Great! - speaks. - Happy New Year! Ugh! Your elevator, however, is impotent!.. And you can’t tell by your face that you received our telegram! Well,…

A fox lived in the forest. Beautiful, she drove the foxes from the surrounding forests crazy. They really wanted to live with her, get along, make good money, but hunters got into the habit of going into the forest. Shooting in the forest, traps along the paths, dogs rushing, and in the evenings fires, bottles flying into the bushes...

Hello, mom! Our lights have been turned off, it’s already two o’clock in the morning, and Kolya isn’t there yet!... Mom, what does Fidel Castro have to do with it?.. Phenazepam? Good night, Mom! ...Hello, Rit! It's me again. Kolka didn’t come to spend the night! Isn't it with you? I don’t think so...

My second wife was such an artist! Genius! Here she is, let’s say... ...No, I’m not the third, I’m his fourth... The third one was imprisoned, by the way, with complete confiscation of property... So this artist, who was my second, is a talent!.. ...The third one - then with full...

Give me some bread for Christ's sake... No, not like that. ...Good people!.. No. ... Passer-by, don’t let the well-deserved social security worker die of hunger!.. No, don’t talk about merits. And no ideology. And then yesterday there was a guy standing with a sign: “Serve an active builder for lunch...

Yes, I'm a music teacher, so what now!? Yes, I speak four languages ​​perfectly, I know how to dress, how to talk, how to use cutlery, so what?! Yes, there is no money, but I’m sweet, I cook well, I will love one man deeply...

Neighbor Volodya installed electrical protection on his new Toyota - he bought an expensive one that prevents theft. Yes, what people have already written or invented - it’s useless! They still steal it. Volodya has windows facing the courtyard, and his car is on the avenue! I tell him: in the yard...

Grandfather, are you tired? -I'm tired, Mashenka. -Do you want to sleep? -Very. -Then tell me a horror story and go to bed! -A horror story? I don't know any horror stories. -Well, it must be scary!! Repeat after me: One dark, dark night in the cemetery... - Well, one night in the cemetery... -... And so...

As far as I remember, I was forgotten everywhere. At the maternity hospital, my dad gave my mom flowers, kissed her, put her in a taxi, and drove off. And I’m lying on the bench, peeing in the blanket and thinking: when I grow up, I’ll be an astronaut. Grandfather, when I was born, generally thought that the puppy’s parents...

I tell her: “From the monkeys!” She told me: “From the angels”! I told her: “From monkeys!!” She: “From the angels!!” - “Well, look at yourself, I say! Could angels do this?!! Read Darwin! I bought her a microscope: “Look! Where are the angels? - “Oh-oh!.. Microbe!.....

My grandmother is superstitious. If he’s going to his neighbor’s house to get some salt, let him, he says, let me sit on the path. I met a man with empty buckets - I cursed him! A cuckoo once told her she was 84, now she’s 92, so now if she goes into the forest, it’s with a calculator.…

Hello! Ritka, is that you? ...Where am I calling from? I'm calling from heaven! I'm flying in a long jump! Five thousand meters! ...So I’m a master of sports! ...What bobsled!? ...Am I the womanizer?!! Yes, you yourself are a womanizer!!! ...Fool! Hello, Svetul? Hello! Guess where I’m calling from?.. Well, think, think...

Short funny dialogues come spontaneously and spontaneously. Something fell out of the blue. Something was born from conversations accidentally overheard.

Others see a picture, I sometimes hear conversations and write down what remains in my memory. It happens that a question arises and you “know for sure” that there is a cheerful answer to it. So you start going through everything,

whatever comes to mind.

About short funny dialogues, one cannot say that this is a joke. After all, there is no author’s text. Rather, these are funny sketches - reprises, capriciously dreaming of becoming aphorisms. Don't memorize them. Just read.

Greetings to the guests of the “Find Yourself” blog!

Today I finally offer the first selection of short funny dialogues for reading. What do they have in common?
Each of them leaves from the Boulevard of Stereotypes. Some go to Vnestandartov Street, some go to the back streets of Irony.

Why do I need it? Suddenly, someone wants to insert a couple of lines into a story or script. Then .

Of course, “funny and amusing” are purely individual concepts. Here, the first drawing with quotes has already been published on your VKontakte page. , - neither barked nor barked.

As the saying goes,

stop talking nonsense!

“Take it, take it. I’ll draw some more for myself...”

Short funny dialogues to take away.

I’ll just color a few of the titles for the New Year.

Lifestyle.

- Hello. How are you?
- And all by myself.

Is it a joke?

- The last joke was clearly not on your level.
- This is not a joke, but life. Besides, I try to lower myself to the level of the listeners.
- Is this before me?!
- No, I said “go down”, not “fall”.

Argument.

- I do not drink!
- How, even for my birthday?!
- From such grief. especially.

Casting.

— Do you play any musical instruments?
- And how!..
— And which ones do you win on most often?

Offer.

“In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with my proposal.”
- Well, even if you are not afraid of such a volume of your own stupidity...

Standard of comparison.

“Your tongue is getting longer and longer, I see.”
- Where is it?! What kind of standard are you taking? So, it’s your brains that have shrunk.

The basis of respect.

- Why can you respect him? you don’t know at all yet?..
- Yes, I’ll find out.
“Then there won’t be anything at all.”

Request.

- Will you do it for me, not for service, but for friendship?
- Is there no way to get money in the old, “stupid” way?..

Reproach.

- Eh, Vasin, your soul doesn’t hurt for your work.
“But the wallet never recovers from such work.”

In the boss's office.

— It’s better to tell me honestly, how late were you for work yesterday?
- Who's late?! I wasn't there at all yesterday!..

Review.

“They are excellent specialists and great guys.”
- Certainly. Especially for those who have not encountered them.

Gratitude.

- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
- Well, finally do it so that there is a “why.”

Review.

- What, you don’t want to say anything good about him?
- Really want to. But I can not.

About the main thing.

- The main thing in our business is to gather our thoughts and...
- Exactly. And the main difficulty is to be in one place and at one time with at least one thought.

Hat with…

- Look, my boss gave me a hat for the holiday!
- I guess they didn’t leave their heads there?
- Yes, where will it get it from?..

Congratulations from above.

- Happy New Year with a new happiness!
- It was better to stick to the old...

And right away “about old and new.” A still from an old film for a New Year's table joke. And just funny dialogue. Remember the film yourself.

The first joke for the upcoming New Year 2019.

December 25, 2018. 3 am. At the Animal Welfare Society the phone is ringing hysterically. The attendant hangs up the phone on the table and sleepily introduces himself:

Society, etc. ...

– A...a...tell me, is this the Animal Welfare Society?

- I said: “Yes.” Now explain to me, from whom do you need to be protected, you pig, so early?!

And I want to end with my favorite “dialogue.” And if I want to, I do it.

Shame on you?..

- But we are not ashamed at all.

Here short funny dialogues on the pages of my blog are forced to give way to the upcoming holiday. You can subscribe and thank us below.

Stanislav Stepanov