It will only help you get out of some cases. “You need it - do it”

The comedy series “Kitchen” is on the STS channel from Monday to Thursday at 20:00! We present to your attention another portion of Max’s bright statements!

“Every person has a dark side, a side that is hidden from the eyes of others. This side can very much surprise someone, and please someone, and the one who was considered the most stubborn and unshakable suddenly finds the strength to give in at the right moment.”

“When love leaves, a void forms in the soul and it seems that no one can fill it, well, almost no one. Sometimes you feel like your life is like a long series that has been going on for many years. And suddenly, at some point, you realize that you are no longer the main character of this story and are about to become a secondary character. At this moment, you have several options: you can accept this fate and relax, you can hide for a while from the twists and turns of this complicated story, or you can make an effort and start a new plot, but first decide whether you want the old plot to end.”

“Changes are inevitable, like old age, and irreversible, like time. Sometimes we run away from them, naively thinking that we can leave everything as it is, but changes in our lives still happen, whether we want it or not, leaving us with the right to accept them and move on, or stubbornly try to stay in the past.”

“The universe is shrouded in billions of invisible threads that connect us with other people. Our every action echoes in dozens of other lives. Every action of other people changes ours. That is why, before you take the next step, think about those you will change and how you will change yourself. Thought? Walk!”

“Life is a series of losses and gains. Some people are sad about losses, others are happy about gains. There are those who gain by losing. And no matter what happens, the main thing is to understand that this is just the beginning.”

“Life constantly tests our strength. Some people cope, some don't. For some, life is a kaleidoscope of adventures, for others it is a series of disappointments. In any case, life teaches us to always be prepared for unexpected turns.”

“No matter what happens to you during the day, the main thing is that you have somewhere to return to in the evening. Return to a place where you are welcome, because there is nothing worse than loneliness.”

“People don't like to make mistakes, but nevertheless they make them all the time. Some are mistaken, thinking that they can control everything, others are confident that nothing can ever happen in their relationship, not even realizing that everything has already begun. Still others mistakenly think that the whole world is against them. We cannot help but make mistakes, they are part of our life, and most importantly, they help us find the right path.”

“It’s amazing how many discoveries we make every day. It seems to you that a person is just waiting for the opportunity to destroy you, but he saves you. You think you can cope with a whole team, but in reality you cannot cope with a small child. It seems to you that he is indifferent to everything, but you realize that you know little about him. There are so many discoveries ahead of us, and this is great.”

“Every day life gives us thousands of opportunities: the opportunity to change, the opportunity to start over, or the opportunity to show ourselves on the other side, to discover new talents. The main thing is not to miss these opportunities, because it may turn out that fate will not give you a second chance.”

“We very often exist in our perfect illusions. We forget about who we really are, playing the roles of people unknown to us, but there comes a moment of awakening that tears off our endless masks and exposes a reality for which we were not at all prepared. Maybe you should have woken up earlier?

“Many people are often tormented by doubts about how valuable what you have is to you. It’s easier for someone to lose everything in order to understand how dear it was to him. The main thing is to appreciate what we have here and now.”

“By virtue of our nature, we very often step into the abyss, because we look somewhere up, at the top of our stupid self-confidence. We fall, suffer from pain, get up, move on, fall again, and so on endlessly. Maybe we should start looking at our feet?”

“When your loved ones are ready to forget their grievances in order to please you, you will also do anything to make them feel good, even if this means lying a little. True, as a rule, sooner or later you have to pay for any lie. But the most difficult thing is to correct the consequences of lies: lies give rise to new lies and it is impossible to get out of this, you can only believe in your strength, in your real self, because if you start everything from scratch, the only thing left ahead of you is what you can do yourself "

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Family life is a difficult matter, requiring flexibility, compliance and compromise. At the same time, the general mood and harmony in the house depend on both spouses. Wise people know how to maintain balance in relationships, overcome difficulties and resolve any family conflict. Moreover, if you choose the right model of behavior, you can gently guide the actions of your spouse in the right direction.

website I decided to look at some of the common shortcomings of partners and find out how real wisdom in family relationships can help make a couple's life together better for both.

1. Doesn’t help with housework, ignores cleaning and other household things

Solution: Since housekeeping is a lot of work, you shouldn’t devalue it yourself and let your partner do it. It is important to emphasize what you did around the house, how difficult it was and how tired you are. Then everyone will begin to appreciate your contribution to the common life.

Remember that cleanliness and order in the house are the responsibility of everyone who lives in it, so perceive your partner not as a housekeeping assistant, but as a full-fledged participant. Spread out household chores or, if you don't have time to clean, try budgeting a separate amount for a cleaning service.

2. Little involvement in raising children

Solution: Often men shy away from parental responsibilities not because they are not interested, but because they simply do not know what to do with children. In addition, it happens that wives do not let their husbands near the child because they think that they can handle it better themselves. Psychologists call this “mother protection.” Therefore, the sooner the spouse is involved in the parenting process, the better.

Try to keep him informed of what is happening with the child so that your husband does not fall out of your life cycle, distribute roles and together choose the part of parental responsibility that he will take upon himself.

3. Spends hours on gadgets

Solution: if your partner is literally obsessed with social networks or computer games, then this is not a reason to be angry with him, perhaps in this way a person compensates for the lack of something. For example, affection or attention. Turning to video games or social media can also be a way to cope with feelings of depression or anxiety. In this case, virtual reality can be replaced with something else, say, a gym, walks, or a swimming pool.

At the same time, it is better not to offer an alternative to computer games and gadgets during or immediately after another debate on this topic. Look forward to some pleasant time together and note what a good day it was today and how great it would be to repeat such moments more often.

4. Doesn't want to make important joint decisions

Solution: Typically, such problems are faced by families where one of the partners is a powerful and strong person who likes to lead. Often behind a person’s reluctance to make a decision and take responsibility for the consequences is the fear of failure and subsequent shame. And if he did not participate in solving the problem, he is, as it were, “in the house.” Therefore, psychologists advise not to reproach your partner for possible failures, but to say that you believe in him and are always ready to support him.

Try to do as he decided, even if it seems wrong to you - it’s important for you to show that you will listen to him. Also in this case, the technique of positive reinforcement works well - do not forget to praise your significant other for any accomplished deed.

5. Compares with mom or dad

Remember that, as a rule, it is not you personally who are being compared, but some of your skills and actions. Agree that your family lives by its own rules, which you establish together. After another comparison with your parent, tell your partner that you are used to doing something or cooking this way, and ask what exactly he doesn’t like about the method you have chosen.

6. Closes in on himself and doesn’t talk about problems.

Solution: Spouses often copy each other's behavior. Try to tell your partner about your affairs more often, share details, ask questions. It is important for every person to be heard, so express your interest with clarifying phrases and gestures, let him see that his affairs are important to you. It also happens that due to a lack of information, we begin to invent problems for ourselves.

For example, one person came home from work in a bad mood, and the other, instead of asking about the reason, begins to beat himself up and assume that the problems are related to him. You shouldn’t speculate; it’s better to ask directly why the person is dissatisfied.

7. Ignores rules of decency and hygiene.

Solution: Many annoying habits are associated with the fact that a person relaxes at home and forgets to follow the rules of good manners. In this case, the distraction technique works great.

For example, the next time you see your partner biting his nails or cracking his fingers, try not to be outraged. Instead, distract him by asking him to bring you some water or simply holding his hand. This way you will also show tenderness and affection.

8. Takes up the bathroom for a long time

Solution: First of all, it is important to understand the fact that if a person is locked in a room for a long time, then he wants to be alone. This is normal, because everyone sometimes needs personal space. Where can he relax and be alone with himself? Ideally, each family member should have their own room where they can close in, but, alas, this is not always possible.

Raise the issue of personal space, say that you understand that your partner wants to be alone, but at the same time stipulate that the bathroom is a common place. Maybe the solution will be to walk alone, or maybe during the conversation you will come to the conclusion that you need a new apartment with an office.

Ecology of life. Psychology: Stuck in a problem? Don't see a solution? Creative coaching techniques will help you get out of difficult situations...

If you feel stuck in a problem or overwhelmed by difficulties, below you will find 5 creative solutions that will help you quickly get out of a difficult situation.

I have tried and tested them with hundreds of my coaching clients over the last 15 years.

Therefore, I confidently recommend using them in situations in which you are faced with some difficult problem or test, and you need to use all your resources of creativity and courage to get out of these troubles.

How to solve “unsolvable” problems

1. The magic word “Instead”

If you feel like you're in trouble,It's very easy to get caught up in the problem of thinking. The problem seems so overwhelming that it takes over all mental space, leaving very little room for maneuver.

There is also a well-known theory that says that in order to solve a problem, you need to carefully analyze it and understand it - where it came from, what caused it, what it means, etc.

I will not describe this theory in detail because I have observed many cases where dwelling on one's problems led to a worsening of the situation. It will be a big surprise when you discover how effective STOP thinking about the problem and START thinking about options and potential solutions..

This is when the magic word “Instead” comes into its own.

I've used this word so often in my coaching sessions that I thought it would lose its elegance - but apparently it will never lose its effectiveness, at least in terms of asking clients to think about what they want. , and not about your problems.

So, the next time you are faced with a confusing problem or a difficult situation with no way out or solution in sight, ask yourself:

• What do I want instead?
• What would I like to do instead?
• What would I like to think about instead?
• How would I like to feel instead?
• What would I like to say instead?
• What am I going to do instead?

And as soon as you receive several accurate and specific answers, start implementing them right now. You will be pleasantly surprised by the results you get.

2. What would you do if you had no head?

Thinking has been overrated. Of course there is an appropriate time and place for it, but I noticed thatOverthinking is one of the classic ways that human beings get into difficult situations.

You may think, think, and think some more about a problem or situation. As long as you just think, everything is more or less clear and understandable to you, but as soon as you think about it over and over again, you become more and more confused and are no longer so sure of what is happening.

When it comes to the really important things in life, thinking all the time won't solve the problem.You will never create anything truly original if you sit and think all day long.Real achievement requires continuous action - and continuous action requires passion and enthusiasm.

Many times, when I see a client ruminating over a problem over and over again, I force him to ignore his mind and concentrate on the sensations in his body.

I'm always looking for what Derek Sievers calls the “Yes! Damn it!” reaction - it tells you that you have to do it no matter what, and you will always regret it if you don't. And you will never be able to correctly define “Yes! Damn it!” reaction through your thinking, you need to feel it in your gut.

So the next time you are faced with a decision and find yourself mulling it over and over again, follow this four-step process, which is a variation of the Zen technique:

1. Stand up straight with your spine straight. Now imagine that you have no head. I'm serious. Your body ends at your shoulders, and where your head used to be, there is only fresh air and space. Therefore, there are no more thoughts to distract you. And you are easily aware of the slightest sensations and manifestations in the body right at this moment.
2. Imagine that your decision options are presented to you and arranged in the form of “magic circles” on the floor - one circle for each option.
3. Stand in the first circle and present the first option- as if you took the first step and began to bring it to life. Don't think. Notice how your body feels? Heaviness? Ease? Voltage? Relaxation? Cheerfulness?
4. If you feel the answer is “Yes! Damn it!”, then this is your way- and no matter how frightening thoughts come to your mind. And if you have unpleasant feelings, then under no circumstances do this - no matter how reasonable and sensible the thoughts come to your mind.

3. What would your hero do?

Each of us has our own heroes - great artists, musicians, businessmen, athletes, travelers. Or fictional characters, from films or novels. Or maybe a friend, mentor or family member. Someone we look up to and respect immensely. Someone who embodies everything we admire.

And guess what? That someone is yourself.

You can project your qualities onto someone else, butwhat you're really doing when you admire your hero is tapping into your own untapped potential. You do have strength, courage, imagination and other qualities that you admire in others, even if you have never used them.

Why else do you think their examples resonate so strongly with you?

So, the next time you're faced with a challenge and you're wondering if you can handle it, ask yourself:

• How would my character evaluate and react to this situation?
• What would he or she say about this?
• What would my hero do in this situation?
• Why don't I try to do at least a small part of this?

4. Trust your fear

If thinking was overestimated, then fear was underestimated.

Some types of fear—especially worry and worry—are paralyzing, overwhelming, and counterproductive. But I'm not talking about these types of fear.

I'm talking about the fear you feel when you think about your dream and think about how to make it a reality.

You know how it goes - at first you are full of inspiration, you are excited about how it will happen, you are looking forward to all the wonderful things you will do, what you will see and feel when you finally achieve and realize your dream.

Then you feel your stomach begin to shrink, and your heart begins to beat a strange rhythm, and you realize that you have stopped breathing.

And at this point - if you are not paying enough attention - your Inner Saboteur will start showing you disaster movies about all the things that will go wrong, and will provide a long list of evidence why you should reconsider your decision, throw all your plans into the firebox - or, at least put them aside for a while so you have a chance to think things through...

Fear is unpleasant, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Fear exists to keep you safe - it lets you know that you have entered uncharted territory and you need to be vigilant.

It exists to inject adrenaline into you, wake you up and allow you to take immediate action to avoid disaster later.

As I tell my clients over and over again -the bigger the dream, the stronger the fear. This type of fear gives you a sign that you are on the right path, it challenges you to go beyond your limitations and achieve something incredible.

So trust your fear. Don't fight it, but feel it - but in your body, not in your head.

And to use fear as a key to action, ask yourself:

What do I need to do to neutralize the danger and achieve my goal?

Create a list. Take it and do it right now.

And notice what happens when you take the necessary action - the fear subsides, leaving you with a renewed sense of confidence and enthusiasm.

5. State your purpose

It's easy to procrastinate when you're only answerable to yourself. When no one knows about your dream, then it's easy to fool yourself and say it's just a joke.

But when you tell the whole world - or just one person - about your goal, it suddenly becomes real.By revealing the secret and declaring your goal, you immediately take on the responsibility to follow it.

Because when you state your intention, you become responsible for your actions. You experience subtle pressure and accountability to yourself, whether you succeed or not. You feel that you will lose face if you do not keep your word and do what you promised.

No, you shouldn't rely on other people to tell you what to do, and you shouldn't look to them for inspiration or motivation. The initial spark can only come to you from within.

But when you are close to the finish line and have the last steps left to realize your dream, then this type of external pressure can be extremely effective. So why not do it?

Here are some options:

• Tell a close friend about your goal, and set up a follow-up meeting with him (with a specific date) so you can report back to him on your progress.
• Join a group or class that will evaluate your progress over time.
• Take part in competitions, even if you do not yet have the skills to participate in such competitions.
• Gather an engaged group of 3-4 members with whom you can meet regularly, share your goals, celebrate progress, and support each other along your journey.
• Tell your blog readers or social media followers about your goal and promise to deliver a report by a specific date. published . If you have any questions about this topic, ask them to the experts and readers of our project .

Why do some people manage to withstand any adversity, while others are broken by even a hint of difficulty?

Not long ago, the eyes of millions of people around the world were focused on Thailand and the incredibly complex cave rescue operation taking place there. It was simply impossible not to sympathize with those twelve boys, their coach, and wonder if the brave rescue team would get to them in time.

Parents (myself included) just couldn't stop thinking about these kids' families. We all hoped that the rescuers would succeed and they would be able to return the children home safe and sound. However, what I was most worried about was not whether the rescuers would be capable and experienced enough, but whether the victims of this accident would be able to withstand such a situation.

Are the children and their coach strong enough to survive in these difficult conditions until rescuers reach them?

After all, this is the paradox of perseverance - in order to overcome external circumstances and get out of trouble, there is little help from anyone - first of all, you must save yourself. Most often, it is your way of thinking, and not at all what kind of bind you find yourself in, that influences whether you can be “saved” or not.

So resilience has less to do with who you are and more to do with how you think.

Your ability to get back on your feet even when life brings you to your knees is necessary for more than just surviving extreme situations. The ability to recover from everyday, ordinary events is sometimes just as important in order not to slide into the abyss of depression and self-pity. But I have good news for you - this ability is not inherent in us at the genetic level, and you can easily develop it in yourself, like any useful habit.

Salvation requires more from you than fortitude and inflexibility.

“Life’s difficulties break some people, and some force them to break all obstacles on the way to their goal”, -
William Arthur Ward

Why do some childhood traumas leave indelible scars for the rest of their lives, while others are able to heal their wounds, and even turn them into a source of strength? The obvious (if incorrect) answer to this question is that some children are simply born with stronger spirits than others. We tend to believe that our resilience comes from our innate courage and grit.

The famous Merriam-Webster dictionary defines courage as “firmness of character, indomitability of spirit.” Angela Duckworth, author of Grit, created her own definition for this word. She believes that courage is "the ability to overcome adversity and strive for long-term goals." Although her concept of courage has a lot to say about how people who achieve the impossible on a regular basis (for example, army special forces) are able to prevail even in the most extreme situations (and not only prevail, but also learn a lot), resilience is more than just courage.

When we feel threatened, it is much more important for us to at least temporarily adopt a mindset that can provide us with “first aid” to extricate ourselves from this situation than to continue to work on long-term goals and purpose — they will not escape us, and we We must really focus entirely on surviving the test that faces us here and now.

Studies of accidents involving scuba divers point us to one curious, albeit grim, fact: it turns out that many divers who died at great depths had some air left in their tanks, and the regulator was absolutely working.

Efemia Morphew, an expert on human behavior in extreme conditions, explains in one of her interviews what made the scuba divers pull the regulator out of their mouths and choke on water. Some people under stress may experience a feeling of suffocation if their mouth or face is covered by something. In such a situation, they may give in to the urge to remove the mask and pull out the regulator to get rid of this feeling, although under water this urge leads to death.

I myself have scuba dived several hundred times and have experienced this desire more than once. However, the ability to focus on what was actually happening to me helped me stay calm and not rip the controls out of my mouth, even if my mind was literally screaming for me to do so.

Psychiatrist Stephen Wolin defines resilience as the ability to rise above life's difficulties, the ability to maintain control in any situation.

When something goes wrong, you must maintain control of the situation at all costs instead of allowing the situation to control you and your behavior. It is your thoughts, not your “courage,” that shape your perceptions and behavior.

We have complete control over how our environment affects us, and whether it affects us at all. However, most people mistakenly operate within what Wolin calls the “damage model”—a misconception about life’s circumstances as if they were some kind of contagious disease. They believe that if a person was born into a problematic family, he is initially doomed to pain and suffering.

However, recent scientific research into resilience has dispelled the myth that a troubled childhood leaves us emotionally crippled for the rest of our lives.

Psychologist Emmy Verneg has spent more than 40 years studying children from poor, unstable and single-parent families. She found that, despite the circumstances in which they grew up, about 30% of these children achieved high levels of educational achievement and became successful adults, many of them exceeding the results of children growing up in more favorable conditions.

The study's findings pointed to three key factors that determine whether such people will be successful in adulthood. Typically, a resilient child is “lucky” to form a strong bond with a benevolent caregiver, teacher, or other person who is capable of serving as a mentor. More importantly, children who succeed acted on their own terms and were independent - they faced external circumstances on their own terms. And, finally, they were distinguished by high self-control - they believed that it was they themselves, and not their environment, who determined their own destiny.

Research from the National Research Council on the Developing Child has found similar results, with the important addition that spiritual support such as religious practices, mindfulness practices, and cultural rituals can often prepare people for—and overcome—the worst.

You can learn to save yourself from any life circumstances if you only set yourself this goal. How you interact with reality (both your own and others) determines your destiny. Your way of thinking and outlook on life is what determines your destiny, not how “manly” you are.

Trying on the role of a victim, we try to relieve ourselves of any responsibility - we blame external circumstances and the ruthlessness of fate for all our troubles, instead of at least trying to direct fate in the direction we need. That is why we must teach our mind to be a kind of “ambulance” for our lives - so that in any circumstances it helps us remain the master of the situation, not allowing troubles and external influences to determine your future path.

Determine your breaking point

As I mentioned above, I have good news for you: resilience is a learned skill that can be acquired at any stage of life's journey. However, in order for it to help, you must practice it constantly. Constantly, day after day.

The path to resilience is an ongoing process. As Werner explains, life is a constant battle between stressful circumstances and resilience. Even the most resilient person can reach a breaking point when the circumstances that cause stress become so strong that they are able to overcome their resilience.

There are many stressors of varying duration and intensity, each of which can test your resilience. Some of them are a product of the environment in which you grew up (for example, low socioeconomic status, difficult family circumstances, domestic violence, single-parent families, etc.). Such factors have a constant, chronic effect. Sudden, short-term and strong threats - such as, for example, an accident in your presence (or to you) have a much stronger impact on you.

However, resilience is critically important in order to recover from ordinary troubles, troubles of the “everyday” level, and not just acute and traumatic ones.

Your perception of the world around you is vitally important to you. It is the correct perception of life and life circumstances that helps you move on in any situation.

George Bonano, head of a laboratory studying loss, trauma and emotion at Columbia University, coined the new term "PTS" (potentially traumatic event). With it, he denotes events that may not be traumatic, unless we perceive them as such. Many life circumstances can be either traumatic or not, depending on our perception.

A positive outlook on our interactions with reality helps us overcome grief, the consequences of rejection and achieve acceptance of life as it is, much faster and more painlessly.

Resilience is the ability to remain calm in any situation and soberly assess what is happening before reacting to it.

Healing is first and foremost an adaptation.

Our resilience depends much less on the event itself than on how we adapt and adapt to it - will we freeze in place, paralyzed, or act to overcome its negative effects?

The concept of durability first appeared in materials science - it describes the ability of a material to restore its original shape after mechanical or other impacts.

Only the mind can heal the wounds caused by the mind.

But to avoid turning unpleasant events into traumatic ones, you need mental flexibility, since it is our mind that makes us susceptible (or impervious) to external stressors.

Resilience is a dynamic combination of optimism, creativity and self-confidence, writes Andrew Zoli in his book Why Everything Returns to Normal. The author believes that our beliefs can help us succeed in life (or not), and that we can turn any life circumstances into something meaningful if we focus on the life lessons they teach us, rather than on the circumstances themselves.

Findings from a study conducted by psychologist Susan Kobasa point to three critical foundations of resilience: challenge, engagement, and control.

Trial. Resilient people view any challenge in life as just another challenge to overcome. Instead of tolerating what happens to them, they challenge the circumstances. They do not complain about troubles, but try to find meaning in them and learn life lessons from them.

Engagement. If you have a reason to get out of bed every morning, it will fuel your resilience time after time. If you have something worth fighting for - something bigger than yourself, your relationships with other people, even your beliefs - it gives you extra motivation. You probably don't want external circumstances to distract you from what's really important.

Self-control. Free will is, first of all, the awareness that you, and only you, are responsible for your actions. You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can control your emotions and reactions to what is happening. It's up to you to decide whether to waste your strength and energy on aimlessly playing the victim, or focus on saving yourself from circumstances.

5 Ways to Make Your Mind More Resilient

1. Change your view of reality and thoughts about it.

You cannot control reality, but you can adapt to it, adapt to it. As a rule, I advise using survival exercises in various situations to “pump up” resilience, as they help us learn the most important lesson - we learn to soberly assess the situation in which we find ourselves, instead of seeing it in the distorting mirror of our emotions .

The Mind Reframing Method is a practical and workable way to change the impact that external circumstances and negative events have on us. Remember that changing your perspective on circumstances is the basis for developing resilience to them.

To use this method, start by calming down and assessing the situation you find yourself in as well as your emotions (“I'm afraid of dying in this cave”). Then focus on clearly identifying the reasons why you feel this way (“We are trapped in a cave and have no way to call for help”), as well as the circumstances that run counter to your feelings (“The rescuers can only help us so much only if we are alive, calm and relatively safe").

2. Always be prepared for the worst.

Of course, you cannot train yourself to cope with every possible situation in life - there are thousands and millions of them - but you can train your mind to adapt to any situation, even the most unexpected. When we train ourselves to cope with the worst that can happen to us, we build the muscle of our mind, making it strong and flexible - which ultimately helps us cope with any challenge.

Don't be afraid to get your proposals rejected. How you deal with rejection in the present determines how resilient you will be to stressors in the future. From time to time, introduce carefully dosed discomfort into your daily life (for example, spend one day without food, only on water, or, say, go to work on foot rather than by car). Start small and gradually add more and more restrictions (trying to choose ones that will benefit you).

Let your mind be prepared for the worst, and then all the unpleasant life circumstances that actually happen to you will not seem so scary to you. This is especially true for those whose parents were overprotective in childhood.

3. Create and develop alternatives.

Creativity plays a critical role in the ability to overcome life's circumstances. Successful rescue operations rely on the unconventional thinking of rescuers - after all, you will never be able to predict in advance all the parameters and features of the situation. The ability to improvise on the spot distinguishes experienced and successful rescuers from those who are not.

Above all, creativity adds flexibility to your mind — instead of seeing problems as insurmountable obstacles, you begin to see them as challenges that are a personal challenge for you to overcome.

Humor can also play a very important role in this. In order to find solutions to a problem, your mind first needs to relax by relieving tension. “In many cases, healthy humor improves your chances of survival,” writes resilience expert Al Siebert.

Laughter relieves stress, and approaching any situation with humor gives you strength. As Siebert explains, “a person who perceives a given situation as a game creates an internal feeling in himself in the style of: “This is my game. I'm taller than her. I won't let her intimidate me."

4. Harness the power of relationships.

You don't have to save yourself from life's circumstances alone. Yes, only you can start this path, but strong and healthy relationships with other people will help you get back on your feet much faster.

Few people are able to achieve full success alone. For a rescue operation to be successful, the successful cooperation of many people is required. And in many cases, whether you can save yourself from life's circumstances, and how quickly you can do it, depends on the strength of your relationship.

Full, strong and healthy personal relationships serve as a support system for us, a kind of safety net. Just as children need a strong personality of a mentor and helper in their lives to overcome life circumstances that they are unable to handle alone, adults need a “soul mate” or loyal friend who can support them when life gets tough. black line.

Also, as the work done by Steve Wolin shows, altruism and openness can greatly increase your resilience. As a rule, the most resilient people are those who are willing to help other people overcome their difficulties, day after day. Naturally, those around them are only happy to help such people.

5. Don't forget about spirituality.

Religious and spiritual support can comfort us and help us overcome any, even the most difficult life situations. So, that children's football team, stuck in the caves of Thailand, which I spoke about at the beginning of the article, was saved largely thanks to meditation sessions conducted by the coach - even their parents found it incredible how calm and relaxed the children were while they were waiting for rescue.

Religious and spiritual practices empower us because they make us feel part of a community, part of something larger than ourselves. In addition, studies have shown that people who have some sort of “moral compass” within themselves are much more resilient. The desire to always do the right thing and not waste time on trifles often helps us keep our head above water in any situation.

Negative life situations act like a magnifying glass, reducing self-esteem many times over, increasing feelings of guilt and other negative feelings. Try to clear your mind of them in advance so that they don't bother you in really stressful situations.

And finally, acts of kindness and mercy have a cumulative effect - this is an invisible energy that will always come to your aid when it is not other people who need it, but you.

Resilience is not something you are born with; you can learn it and develop it throughout your life. Remember that no matter what cave you are stuck in by the grace of fate, it depends only on you whether you can come out into the light safe and sound. So you really should learn to control your emotions, thoughts and actions.

Train your mind. Teach him to cope with any difficulties, whatever they may be. Let overcoming difficulties and troubles become your habit. A flexible mind, capable of adapting to any circumstances, is a savior who is always just a thought away from you. Remember, only your mind can heal the wounds caused by the mind.

A short phrase with deep philosophy

Sometimes you read the thoughts of the greats and begin to understand that to express your inner feelings and emotions you don’t need novels at all, but just five to seven words in a row so that everything becomes clear to everyone. Therefore, I believe that it is sometimes necessary to learn from the geniuses of brevity of expression by re-reading their sharp, witty, precise “definitions” of everyday situations.

If we talk about this statement, it belongs to La Rochefoucauld, in whose arsenal there are a lot of aphorisms that have firmly taken their place in the niche of “winged” wisdom, quotes, phrases, sayings. The question is, how does this “story” end? Stupidity, for a quiz - stupidity, which sometimes prevails over reason. Why is that? Bismarck can be cited as an analogy with his statement about the “unpredictable stupidity of my beloved fatherland - Russia,” when unreasonable “behavior” or a committed act is compared with stupidity, only this stupidity is not comparable with tomfoolery, it is stupidity, from the point of view of the “obvious, reasonable solution", which sometimes does not solve, but interferes or aggravates the situation. While “stupidity” can resolve or relieve tension in a complicated matter. And this is a special case!

What do you know about catchphrases and expressions? For example,